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 Author Thread: Handjobs only...
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
Handjobs only...
Posted: 10/2/2012 2:08:51 AM

ordinary p-in-v sex holds no interest. It's pathetic and selfish. These guys forget the existence of the other person in the pursuit of their own pleasure.

so P in V is the only form of unselfish sex?
Hmmmmm...... Some members (not all) of the ALT. sex community might disagree!

Guys are selfish but Gals (not all) with their vag numbingly large vibrators that can not come with their partner during PinV sex are not?

Some of my best orgasms was during alt. sex ! I had to stop or I would have been "spoiled".
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 67 (view)
Are larger balls an indication of higher testosterone levels?
Posted: 10/2/2012 1:46:29 AM
My Granpa has very large
no seriously!
in summer they hang out of his shorts. the sack is long and they're F'ing big!
one day I think they're gonna fall between the slats of the park bench, what to do then? call 911?

He fell asleep once while they were hanging out and the cat was playing with them! geezuz Nana and I nearly died laughing!

Nana always said he was a P***Y magnet! lol
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 62 (view)
Balls during bjs
Posted: 10/2/2012 1:36:00 AM
best thing you can do for your male "victim"

1 pull on the sack let the balls sink
2 between balls and body put a firm but not tight fitting band around the scrotum so the balls cannot ascend.

a good ball to body distance is 3 inches.

then play very gently with those lil purple buggers!

he will say "hoooohoo hoo hoo" but inhaling at the time.

one way to delay ejaculation a little.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
anti depressants
Posted: 10/2/2012 1:24:15 AM
you can orgasm! it will just take the same energy as to move a mountain!

after your partner is contented, it will take both of you to jerk you off ( your arm will get tired but don't stop! let your partner take over and when she/he is tired switch back)
even if you go soft just keep going with the rapid full fist wrapped around the the "lil' boyo" pumping action do not allow the pumping action to stop!

after anywhere between 20minutes and 2hours later you will get there, but! when you get there don't stop ....keep going
you might get the uber orgasm.

also electrostim sex will get you there too.

the above can be done if the you can't change your medication, or the medication you change to has the same effect.

be prepared to have good tricep/bicep definition on only one arm (hehe)
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
Women Confuse Me
Posted: 10/2/2012 1:12:52 AM
Women confuse you?
Ha!.....that is being polite isn't it?
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 86 (view)
Would you have sex with a machine?
Posted: 9/17/2012 8:51:39 AM
Happy ending from Lindsay Wagner? the bionic woman?
but I'd be worried that I'd be the one with the friction blisters! lube turns to steam! lol
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 85 (view)
Would you have sex with a machine?
Posted: 9/17/2012 8:43:26 AM
to my knowledge no-one has died sitting on a sybian for too long ,,,lol
so go for for it girl..... as Jim Morrison said - "break on through to the other side!"
you won't accidentally summon any demons or'll hopefully have multiple orgasms, numb clitoris and pee yourself (sybian is splashproof)
so go-on girls find out whats there.

my first love was a Commodore C64 cross bred with one of Roger Ramjets Solenoid robots! lol

"f%%% me 'plink!.....beep ....whirrr...'plink! " Oh how erotically Mills and Boon!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
ever rent porn on a date??
Posted: 9/9/2012 11:15:41 AM

Oooh! I can't wait to upgrade from my 8mm reel to reel !

Ahhh the good 'ol days of RODOX and CLIMAX 8mm films - no clowns though.
Clowns are freaky,
OP this womans twat must have an attack on red nose day!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 79 (view)
Home Nudity?
Posted: 9/9/2012 10:54:31 AM

sitting on your furniture with their anus exposed? Please do not teabag my couch.

never let them sit on your glass coffee table it'll just be too obvious
(ass fart jiuce, oily bits after a hard days work, lube 'n leftovers, bubble 'n squeak, etc.) when smeared on the table

just out of the shower? maybe ok, (clean undercarriage and leaf-springs?) maybe lower under wear might be better.

theres a Japanese site where you can look at nude smooth freshly shaven girls sit on a glass table lol, reminds me of freshwater aquariums lol

I think everything has a place and context, deep frying in the kitchen - clothed!
grabbing some kool aid from the fridge - naked is not a problem.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 62 (view)
Photos of genitalia
Posted: 9/6/2012 6:41:06 AM
When I'm having a bad day I whip out my phone and take a look at my d*ck pics and they always put a smile on my face!! :-p

Dost thou, unto ward the minions deliver a morsel of sweet sarcasm?

here is a text version for your collection copy and paste as you like .... here goes


or the more common


lol They're everywhare!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 353 (view)
All she wants to do is watch porn,have sex ,watch sports and drink beer
Posted: 9/6/2012 6:29:20 AM
All she wants to do is watch porn,have sex ,watch sports and drink beer

shall thou not bring this treasure unto my castle and end my lonely torment?

God some guys will complain when they have everything! and she's probably rich and generous too!

Don't be a fool man! Follow Gods blessing and marry the ****!

to say keeper is an understatement
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
Ben Wa Balls
Posted: 9/6/2012 6:22:07 AM
don't buy the cheap imports,
they are difficult to clean and may contain hazardous substances.

Latex and sting is porous - so its a no-no.

Go to a more upmarket Adult Sex shop preferably with female staff and get a recommendation, otherwise surf the net for reputable purveyors of adult toys.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 634 (view)
Posted: 9/6/2012 6:14:00 AM

prostate glands located in the G spot area

you forgot the St. Bartholomew's glands and the Skene glands!

then there is the A. R. E. spots

my god bring back the 70s when it was all about a drink, a laugh, headjob and good 'ol sex in the back of the carpet plush Panel van listening to BeeGees or KISS.

that got most people off!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 310 (view)
50 Shades of Grey
Posted: 9/6/2012 6:00:27 AM

I'd rather paddle my partners arse until its enough.
Sail with my partner on erotic journeys - enjoy the fun and sometimes at the extreme limit feel that bliss of catharsis of something indescribable.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
Fapstronauts... 90 Days without...
Posted: 9/6/2012 5:52:00 AM


Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 162 (view)
Big vaginas-fact or fallacy?
Posted: 8/2/2012 6:49:25 AM

a really big, overly wet vagina offers the least amount of sensation possible. i would not have sex with such a woman.

I would
If I could
but I don't have the opportunity
so I won't.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 83 (view)
Sex with a M2F post op female is as good or better then a real woman.
Posted: 7/18/2012 6:46:17 AM
Well Lucialovable.... you are hot ,not trolling for you ...not yet lol

I don't care what is or was between your legs. in your profile I see intelligence and beauty. thats that!

I don't care what anyone says........they can go ....well you know ....who cares what others think.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 94 (view)
Do men secretly hate being used for sex
Posted: 7/18/2012 6:34:00 AM
Oh don't be such a girls blouse and take it like a man Capn'
c'mon tough guy you can shoulder a lil abuse from some young filly? You big purple throbbing gurl pleaser you.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 81 (view)
Is ejaculation important?
Posted: 7/18/2012 6:19:21 AM
As a wise sage from the Far East once said

what is bottle with out beer pouring forth?
...........a "soft" drink.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
Posted: 7/18/2012 6:13:57 AM
Picture this.....
Mickey Mouse with a purple turgid veiny angry bob slapping it on pluto's exposed "spray glands" haha!

always wanted to play with the Banana Splits - Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snorky.
just wanted to play with their ......"Chattanooga cats" ...for a bit of ......"squidley diddlely" while watching the.... "Mariachi-tuned Dilly sisters" [thats gotta getcha hard eh?]

and being finished off by "Captain Pugwash and his first mate Seaman Steins" while looking at my "precious pupp" and your "secret squirrel"

How can you not want to roll around with a furry? Even an ol Play boy bunny will get me going!

Lord! I better do something about myself.......back in Five!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you did not find attractive physically?
Posted: 7/18/2012 5:51:10 AM
*****Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you did not find attractive physically?*****

thats what .....
Male prostitutes (at it wasn't another woman! lol)
whack packs
paper bags with breathing holes
slightly warmed up watermelons with a hole
sheep (for New Zealand)
Chinese (for Canadian cannibals) dui bu qi ah...
diareah n' dysentery
slutting around
Reality TV
Death metal music
white jazz
Human resource management studies
Yuppy culture
Philosophies of Humphrey B. Flaubert
this thread topic,
................ and other schtoopid things are for.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 279 (view)
She only prefers anal sex.
Posted: 7/18/2012 5:38:45 AM
Anal is not such a big deal.

you like it ? you like it.
you don't like it? you don't like it.

thats that!

get over it pplz!

some cumm in arses
some cumm in %%%%s
the ones that do most damage
are the ones who come in tanks.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 93 (view)
Posted: 7/18/2012 5:29:52 AM
After reading some of the posters definition of homosexual tendencies I hate to think what label they'd put on me when I'm in a male sauna walking around with a dripping purple turgid hard-on (the steam and sweat gets me a lil' excited thats all )

I think "save the labels for tins of peas."

Whatever get you off ......well good luck to you. Live long and prosper.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 79 (view)
Guys, is masturbating 5x a day abnormal in your 30s??
Posted: 7/2/2012 11:17:05 AM
can you do six?
what about seven?
How many stalactites in your bedroom cieling?
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
How long is the recovery time for men between orgasms?
Posted: 7/2/2012 11:13:41 AM

Then I was with a 28 yr old

when this young guy starts cumming pinch it off at the base hard enough so nothing comes out and hold on for 5 minutes.

He'll be ready in ten minutes
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
How long is the recovery time for men between orgasms?
Posted: 7/2/2012 11:10:43 AM
ey! scifichicky,
did you plant spy cams in my flat or some thing?
stop telling the others my super secrets! lol
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
weird fetish
Posted: 7/2/2012 11:08:23 AM
hey op
scare him back!
tell him while he's handcuffed and helpless you want you see him get his head and bollocks shaved with a razor by some macho "Tom of Finland" type.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 138 (view)
Natural and hairy women?
Posted: 7/2/2012 11:02:19 AM
sweat hairy crevices OoOoh yeah!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 166 (view)
cream pie tasting
Posted: 7/2/2012 11:00:16 AM
I love creampies! especially Lemon tarts and kiwi meringues ! pavlovas?
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
So when is the best time for you?
Posted: 7/2/2012 10:58:41 AM
after a game,
havin a bud

true true
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 268 (view)
She only prefers anal sex.
Posted: 7/2/2012 10:56:56 AM
marry the woman!

Dats what I tink!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 289 (view)
clit sticking to leg
Posted: 6/13/2012 10:28:24 AM

Every time this thread pops back up, I see those gummy toy octopus wall climbers in my head. You know the ones you throw at the wall and they slowly slink down?

a gummy octopus having a fight with a slinky?
I like
bit clitty......
Stig Clicky Bicks
Clig Bicky Sticks
Big Sticky Clits

Oh fugger I bucked up again!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
When is the right time to tell a potential about your fetishes?
Posted: 6/13/2012 10:10:57 AM
If they are are Canadian and insist on "Chinese" for dinner?
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 499 (view)
Posted: 6/13/2012 10:07:55 AM
Squirting rocks?

Was that painful?
I guess more painful than pissing kidney stones?
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
Love Bumper
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:16:07 PM
gives me calf muscle cramps!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 107 (view)
Natural and hairy women?
Posted: 6/3/2012 9:24:32 AM
I can't help think of Eddy Murphy's stand up comedy.
Eddy Murphy RAW
Eddy's uncle Gus's wife
WTF is golleegoogoo
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 124 (view)
Being vocal or verbal during sex
Posted: 6/2/2012 5:56:59 AM
I still think nothing beats me yelling out
"who's yo daddy?"
"Yeh you tell me who's yo daddy?"
"who's .....yo....... daddy?"
" yo..... daddeeee?"
*smack* *thud*

She is usually so disgusted with that question that I'm bruised all over my face. I think she is hot,.... no?
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 275 (view)
clit sticking to leg
Posted: 5/31/2012 9:12:40 AM
Let this thread be a lesson to you "middle aged guys starting to " bat for the other team" in a clandestine manner with the wrong attitude!

One night you'll go to sleep all cross dressed and "abused"...... the next morning you'll wake up and find you'll be a 50 something year old "Sailor Moon" with a ruddy great gurlee stit clicking to your thigh!

then you'll be seeking attention!

pity the fools!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 281 (view)
Hottest Movie Scenes
Posted: 5/31/2012 8:47:34 AM
some of the scenes in my childhood friends fathers Danish RODOX 8mm film collection!

very very fwoar-worthy!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 44 (view)
Padded Bras??? And Why Do You Wear Them???
Posted: 5/30/2012 10:34:15 AM
They're not padded bras !

They are nipple warmers! LOL
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 57 (view)
Russians & Sex
Posted: 5/30/2012 10:28:20 AM
Yes, we Russians are all what legends tell.. and more :)

OoOoh...... lemon chilli vodka! spiceeeee!
Yakshimash jeenkooye!
gooood eeewenink tavariches

Can't help but think of Borat now....

Theees is my wife...she nice.
thees is my girlfriend,
and theees is %%%%%%ina we go dancing together. is nice.....

Dobre nitzye

Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 144 (view)
Dating an amputee
Posted: 5/30/2012 10:15:40 AM
If I'm interested in a person, their amputation is not a problem for me. They will get my respect, interest and consideration as applicable to their needs.

no pity and stuff, just appropriate consideration.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 469 (view)
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:19:54 AM
May I suggest reading

RE/Search #16:
Bodily Fluids

by Paul Spinrad
This guide sparks a radical rethinking of our relationshiup with our bodies and Nature, humourously (and seriously) spanning the gamut of everything you ever wanted to know about bodily functions and excreta. Each bodily function is discussed from a variety of viewpoints: scientific, anthropological, historical mythological, sociological and artistic.

Its a good read and reasonable science fact.
this might help people on this thread understand better what fluids the body produces.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
First time to date outside my culture
Posted: 5/28/2012 3:04:46 AM
go pickup a communal hobby, cooking classes, or one of those weekend interest courses, learn to dance, amatuer photography/art classes etc etc.

meet some women and say hi and so-on.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 86 (view)
Passing gas during Oral...ever happen and how did you handle it?
Posted: 5/28/2012 2:56:38 AM
Depends what was eaten!........
Pickle herrings (rollmops) and blue cheese ? No thank you ma'am!

Anyway didn't someone once say real ladies don't Fart.... they poot!

Just don't sh** yourself or there'll be an unhappy camper between your legs. :-)
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 462 (view)
Posted: 5/27/2012 9:16:38 AM
I can Squirt!
I'm good at it too!
and I'm a bloke.

I don't gush but I like women that do, but its not mandatory.
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 83 (view)
Passing gas during Oral...ever happen and how did you handle it?
Posted: 5/27/2012 9:01:54 AM
during oral they fart and my finger will go in to stop any further escape -
kinda like the lil' dutch kid with his finger in the dyke...... what? ....not exactly but you knoe what I mean?
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 263 (view)
clit sticking to leg
Posted: 5/27/2012 8:57:08 AM
Dear stit clicking person,
Thank you for sharing your concern.
I would like to offer "self validation" and help you to find "closure" on this .....ahemmm point.

I know you want to feel good about "all" parts of your body, so I recommend that in order to find your "safe area" and "closure" by self (clit) acceptance that you send me a nicely focused photo (2Mb) max of your lil' beauty.

this would be good therapy for both of us.

**** When will this pseudo penile thread ever end? ***

See Chyna's porn ..... she has a awesome stity clicker!
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 251 (view)
clit sticking to leg
Posted: 5/16/2012 7:52:26 AM
I heard that you can tell how big a clitoris is by looking and analysing the owners nose!

Is that true?
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 63 (view)
Nude beaches- thoughts and experiences
Posted: 5/16/2012 7:47:35 AM
Born nekkid! lol
Die nekkid its always nice to know you're in clean pyjamas or undies! lol
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