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 Author Thread: re dating and what sort of person would appeal
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
re dating and what sort of person would appeal
Posted: 11/13/2012 11:40:16 PM
lol me personally? stable people. It makes me laugh when people answer the question, "i think nuclear war would be exciting". or "i'd rather have strange or interesting things than good things".

Are people that bored? lol I want stability. Something and someone you can count on. You can have the most fun when you aren't with a flaky person.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Make me one of your Favorites but never send me an email.
Posted: 11/13/2012 11:38:13 PM
If I see people on my favorites, I try to contact most of them unless they have a really scary profile. I just say thanks; I guess some just want photos, or bookmarkings on someone; It's kind of strange to me too.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 114 (view)
 
What do women really want?
Posted: 11/13/2012 11:35:35 PM

Women want a man with personality and swagger. CONFIDENCE! It all comes down to confidence. It doesn't matter if he's a good guy, a bad guy, an indifferent guy, what have you. If he has confidence he'll be okay with the ladies.
Personally, I LIKE big personalities. I think because (while it may not look it) I am introverted I need a yang to my yin. If a guy I'm doesn't display confidence, we're not going to go very far. Too often, I've really liked guys and they have to go and ruin it by not challenging me, by expressing an opinion and then after hearing mine, change theirs to mine. That's not confidence.

I also want someone who will accept me for who I am, just as I am accepting of them. I'm not pretty in the morning, I'm a **** before I've had a cup of coffee, and I have a short temper if I have to explain myself more than once. I want a man who's not going to be intimidated by my assertiveness and is not afraid of standing up to me.


Swagger? overrated. The problem with many women is that they take arrogance for confidence. Arrogant people usually are the most insecure people around. If you are confident you dont need to act the fool or make sure people know you are there.

And many woman that say they are assertive aren't assertive. They are high maintenance people that want their way all the time. I'm not spending my life with snooki meets Kim Kardashian. I dump them like yesterdays news.

I think you are right though when you say so many times some guys go for a sleazy hot girl when they have a good girl that loves them. Men cheat like never before and it's wrong. So often though woman keep taking these losers back because they think they can't live without them. We need to be secure in ourselves and not let people treat us like crap.

It takes two to tango and we teach people by how they treat us. I tell everyone I've dated; you cheat once it's over. I'm not going to worry about your guy friends or where you are but if you cheat, I'm done. No second chances.

I haven't been single for a long time and boy how things have changed. Many men are worse than ever and women seem to be trying to catch up to them.

There are lots of great women and some great guys though but you have to pick them. It's easy to blame the opposite sex all the time but no one put a gun to our heads and made us date anyone. If we pick the wrong person part of the problem is on us for picking them. And some for taking them back over and over.

It's easy to claim we are victims when in reality the answer often lies within.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Is being Separated on your status the Kiss of Death..
Posted: 11/13/2012 11:12:35 PM
I agree with some of the other posters.

I've been contacted by some people that lie about having kids, being married, separated, etc... I had one that finally admitted to being separated and having a kid and then telling me she really didnt' lie because she's doing her own social experiments. lol

I think you are right op; people are stranger, more bizarre and more nasty and mean spirited; just like in society. I do think though that unfinished business is the problem. I think statistics show around 25% of separated people go back to their spouses, so until you are truly a free man, you will get less people willing to communicate. Hang in there and I hope things work out for you.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
To persist with this girl or move on?
Posted: 11/13/2012 11:09:01 PM
move on. Many young women play this game and guys need to start manning up. So many say they are nice guys when in reality they are door mats. You deserve someone that is not into playing the games. good luck.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 11:07:17 PM
personally it doesn't change anything for me. Some of the people are sincere and the comments are really nice and sometimes the stories are just too bizarre to contemplate.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
hard to get over her, moving on and forgiving myself
Posted: 11/13/2012 10:53:30 PM
you just need to let this go and move on. It's over. No amount of kindness or cards or letters is going to change this.

Be active, get out there and stay busy and move on. If you can't let go you might want to talk to someone about it. Good luck
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/13/2012 10:10:56 PM
It really doesn't matter what they want. Remember that you are in control and you can always say no and block them.

Many lose their minds with anger if someone rejects them or tells them to slow down and their isnt' much you can do about it. Block them and move on. It does suck but that's what I do.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Advice - we got in to a huge fight and she broke up with me and she immediatley had sex with someone
Posted: 11/13/2012 10:08:22 PM
I"m sorry but you need to move on. She immediately sleeps with a loser guy and then when he's not around she comes back to you and you discuss what YOU need to do to be the best boyfriend ever? lol wow.

You did the wrong thing in my opinion. BIG TIME. She knows you are totally into her and that you will take her back no matter what.

This guys sounds like a loser so cheating on his girlfriend with your girlfriend I'm sure is not a problem for him. Move on or be prepared for a big painful mess. I wish you well,
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Ever Wish an Ex Good Luck Finding True Love and Happiness?
Posted: 11/12/2012 11:28:32 PM
realistically? kind of. I remember the movie Chaplin when Charlie Chaplin found out a girl he had fallen in love with back in England had married.

He said something like,"I wish her a lot of happiness. Well maybe just a little bit of happiness."
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 4 (view)
 
I would have given you the world if you had given me the chance.
Posted: 11/12/2012 11:17:36 PM
well written with some nice thoughts.

Always be yourself. Keep your standards high but keep them high for the right things.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How do you find the right one by just a picture and a paragraph?
Posted: 11/12/2012 11:12:37 PM

I have done online dating on and off for years. So many of the ones I meet seem ok when I talk to them online etc, but once we meet in person, they're unsocial hermits or players. What are some better questions/ques to know that someone is truly outgoing, intelligent, and is looking for a TRUE relationship?

It takes time. you dont just click on a mouse and there is prince charming. It takes 6 months to a year to really know someone but most just want it and they want it now. That's why so many make mistakes.

the answer to your question is YOU CAN'T. Love takes time. That's why in person is best and you should use even more caution with online dating because many are only saying the good things about themselves and not the bad. It takes time to get to know all of it.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Attraction 3 main points
Posted: 11/12/2012 11:10:02 PM

Money...

physical appearance...

a big cook...( great at cooking)...


LOL; a little honesty. I don't think you are far off with many women.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Dating Out of Your League
Posted: 11/12/2012 11:08:38 PM
there are no leagues in my book. I've met super pretty women who I wouldn't waste a second on and ok looking women with amazing personalities that make them beautiful.

Anyone thinking they are too good for someone else has issues in my book. There are some great people.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Coming back 35 years later
Posted: 11/12/2012 10:22:20 PM
something isn't right; I would have dinner, and move on. I would not friend him on facebook either.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/12/2012 10:10:52 PM
its a little harder I think but there are those that dont want kids. Just be patient and keep trying :)
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Asking for hot pics and not meeting
Posted: 11/12/2012 9:45:19 PM
I asked someone about this and she said it's a facebook thing. She says many people like to get photos of those they are attracted to and put it on their facebook to kind of show off that these are the type of people they attract or are around.

I think it's a little sick but that's what is happening. I went on one girls site and she must have had over 1000 photos of different guys that she had collected.

And lets face it. Most just want sex or to hook up. Many women to do. It's just what it is about. You have to be patient. Online dating is a little worse than the real world when it comes to dating, and it should be only a small part of your dating life. I wish you well
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 23 (view)
 
What went wrong?!
Posted: 11/12/2012 9:36:16 PM

Ah my friend. What girls say they want, and what they actually want are two completely different things.

From your little story, you come across as a "nice guy" or a "good friend". Meaning she has no romantic (sexual) attraction towards you.

Now if you had tattoos, a criminal record, no job and kids from different mothers, you would have had sex with her the first night.

Next time be a little more aggressive, not a doormat. Act uninterested, let her chase you a little. She got bored with you, and ended it as nicely as possible.

Use this as a learning experience, and learn from your mistakes.


I'm with Dan. You almost sounded like you went too out of your way. Many women complain sometimes that a guy comes across as a pushover and that isn't what most women like. They want a little bit of an edge too.

Lets also face it; some women are fickle and dont' pick the right guy.
Just be edgier with a little more swagger. Even in your post you had the doormat type of thing going on.

You sound like a really nice guy and I'm sure you will do great.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Skeptical first meet
Posted: 11/12/2012 9:29:17 PM
I'm glad you had a good time. Just go slow and I hope things go great!
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 136 (view)
 
Trusting a man on POF...
Posted: 11/12/2012 9:25:04 PM
all I can say ciara is to go slow; very slow. In time you will get the answers you need. Always look at his actions over what he says.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
It hurts to love again
Posted: 11/12/2012 9:22:29 PM
Some great comments from some very smart and sensitive women on this thread.

I think the thing is to just not romanticize the relationship because obviously she was not happy. Learn from what you did wrong and also learn what you didnt' like about the relationship.

It also is harder for men because women can date easier than a guy can.
If it were me I would be as busy as I can, meet as many women as I can and just be super active.

I'm really sorry it didn't work out. Now it's time to get out there and make things happen for yourself. I wish you a lot of good luck :)
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Why do women get an open license to degrade men?
Posted: 11/12/2012 9:18:50 PM
Society in general is much more rude, insensitive and blunt. Lets be real too; women and especially very pretty ones can get away with a lot.

I would just be a good person and polite and have manners because that's who you are.

Remember also that not all men or women are alike.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 18 (view)
 
cross dressing
Posted: 11/12/2012 8:51:03 PM
It's sure not for me but you have to find your own way. He seems open about it which is cool, but again, if it's something you cant' handle then I'd move on. If it doesnt' bother you then go for it. good luck
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
i just don't know what i think
Posted: 11/12/2012 8:48:37 PM
its a hard thing OP. Some people are just not that passionate in life. I would talk to him about it and see what he says.

Let him know that you want to work it out. Also tell him it goes both ways. He wants someone more emotional and intimate but he has to be that way too. It's give and take.

He sounds like a good guy but it does make me wonder. I havent' met too many guy's who aren't into sex so it makes you wonder. Just talk to him and I hope it all works out :)
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 9 (view)
 
how to move on
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:47:59 PM
you move on by not contacting her or talking to her.

You act like you are a victim and you have no will when you say "she suckers" me into a phone call. Unless you are hypnotized, you are taking these phone calls and I suspect calling her yourself.

I'd ignore her like yesterdays newspaper.

She's playing games and using you. Too many "nice guys" are really door mats and that's what you are acting like.

You want to get over her? If it were me I'd call my cell phone company today, change my number and when she emails or tries to talk to you in other ways and ask why you did it, say you wanted a fresh start in life and don't give her that number. I'd tell her I wish her the best and maybe I'll see you down the road.

she'll come back to you with bells on because you showed balls and then when she does that, you say NO WAY. I want someone who will be there for me, not who will play me for a fool.

The problem is that you DONT' want to get over her and you still have dreams of her coming back. A woman like this will ruin you. Change your number and move on if you are serious. If not, then be prepared for more pain. Good luck and I'm sorry this happened to you.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 11 (view)
 
he wont phone
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:40:27 PM
I'm sorry but I dont' get the some don't like talking on the phone stuff.

I'd call him whenever. Or tell him you'd like him to call once in awhile. Some even do it as a power thing feeling good about a woman always calling him.

Maybe you aren't into the phone either but you realize you need to talk. If he's not willing to put the effort into you, I'd personally move on but it's up to you.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Major crush on a co-worker
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:38:43 PM
lol; good one deere rancher.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Major crush on a co-worker
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:38:13 PM

I really dont know what to do. I keep having dreams about her, and I keep thinking about her even when I'm having sex with other women.


You're a flake. Don't bother asking her out. Not to mention you could be putting HER job at risk.


I agree Ann; this quote was super creepy.

You are out for sex and that is it. Leave her alone.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Had a great date today.. but..
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:36:52 PM
I think dating in person is best. It's fun to meet people from different areas on the internet but lets be real; most on the internet are looking for fun, sex, or a way to kill some time.

Meet as many people as you can in person or in your travels. It's super easy if you try. Also, don't think every girl you meet that is nice to you is "the one". Love takes time and won't happen with the click of a mouse.

You seem like a good guy and I know you will do well!
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What am I doing wrong?
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:34:12 PM

I feel like I must be doing something fundamentally wrong when it comes to dating. Im a successful young man, 23 years old, electrical engineer. I take excellent care of myself, working out 5 days a week. I have very developed communication skills due to my work being so technical and client focused.

I feel like all of that should add up to an excellent candidate to be any woman's boyfriend. Am I at the age where women are still looking for someone fun instead of reliable and responsible? Or am I just not looking in the right places?

Please help me! I am tired of putting forth so much effort and never finding someone that has the same motivation in life as I do. Maybe all of the good fish are already taken . . . .


When I was 23 women were no where near as wild as they are now. It's like girls gone wild at times. It just means that you have to be patient, meet as many people as you can, and date different people to see who you like.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 21 (view)
 
REALLY?????
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:21:19 PM

I have never had such a issue getting over a woman but this one i cant shake.i took on a woman and her child fell in love with the kid,with the whole settle down and raise a fam.and i was giving no reason at all ,dont get it really cant even write


Thoughts and prayers with you; that's rough.

When single women with kids get mad at guys that won't date them, I need to show them this message. It's like now you not only lose the woman, but you lose the child too. Heartbreaking.

I wish I could help you; it's just going to take time. Keep busy and hang in there.

What is sad in society is how unfeeling some are. Instead of communicating with people face to face and talking to them, people text, or chat or just move on without anything. Sad.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 25 (view)
 
was i stalking?
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:18:05 PM

Thanks buddy I feel like you get it. Well I have deleted my Facebook account so I am not contacting this girl just the first two months were hard and I feel like it's normal after a long relationship 3 months has past and I feel like I'm on track and I accept my mistake I'm moving on and I'm learning from this experiance


Good job; that's what a real man does; admit a mistake and move on. The next girl that comes along will be 10 times better and you will be able to handle things a little better. Nice job!
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 24 (view)
 
was i stalking?
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:15:43 PM

i dont think i was stalking my ex but when we broke up she said we needed space for ONE month then we can be friends. i tried really hard to respect her wishes but i just couldnt help myself so i txt her, emailed her, sent a letter, i also messaged her sister and friend asking why she wasnt responding. and i kept sending facebook friend request over and over again, i didnt think that was bad because i though if she had 500 friends on facebook then why not me and it broke my heart. i dont think i was stalking i was having a really hard time with this break up and messaging her was just a habbit. i know i should of giving her space and now we arent friends :( i made myself sound pathetic and a total loser. i hate myself :( i wish i could of been stronger and not messaged her.


yes you were stalking her; you got out of hand and it's not right to do that. She may have had cause to get a restraining order on you.

You need to heal and move on because she has. No amount of messages or trying to contact her will change that. Most of us have been there and it sucks but it will pass. The best thing to do is to break off with her completely. No more messages, txts or anything else. No more looking at photos on the computer and phone.

You are not a loser. You just freaked out a bit when you knew she was moving on. You need to move on too. Hang in there and it will slowly get better.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Should I take 14 days to contact him like he took?
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:10:32 PM
no point; I would just move on.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 22 (view)
 
He reached across the table and put his finger in my mouth.....
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:10:03 PM
wow; well I know some doctors and they aren't exactly shy when it comes to sex and women so it's not rare, but it is creepy. Glad you left. Hopefully the next date will go better
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Braces on a 47 year old?
Posted: 11/12/2012 1:01:22 PM
I think it's not a problem. Everyone has something they want to improve or change and I dont think it's a problem.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 7 (view)
 
How do you lightly put this?
Posted: 11/12/2012 12:59:04 PM
in a good relationship you can talk to someone. If you cant' talk about his breath, how will you communicate about other problems? You talk to him and tell him without sounding mean or insensitive.

Communication is the key to any relationship. If you cant' communicate, it's not a healthy situation. I do wish you well
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 36 (view)
 
What would you do?
Posted: 11/12/2012 12:57:36 PM
LOL I like it PassionGent; nice comments
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 35 (view)
 
What would you do?
Posted: 11/12/2012 12:56:57 PM
I would move on. If I was really into someone I would not be on any site.

I look at what the person does and not what they say. If it were me, I'd move on.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 3 (view)
 
once was a man
Posted: 11/12/2012 12:55:57 PM
lol; this is a great one; nice job!
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 31 (view)
 
best proof she is std-free?
Posted: 11/12/2012 12:27:45 PM
the heck it shouldn't. Viral std's can never be cured and they can cause long term damage.

That's why someone's history is important. 25% of the population between 18-25 has an STD (NIH) with the # increasing slightly with age. Many don't even know they have one.

If people are having unprotected sex in this day and age, they are just dumb. So many getting pregnant from loser guys because they aren't responsible. Don't they teach sex education anymore? Their history DOES matter.
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 8 (view)
 
i don't know what to say
Posted: 11/12/2012 12:22:20 PM
I agree with some of the posters. Maybe you are just a bit shy or you are not good at conversing with others.

If you are saving one of your 3 messages because on a date you won't have something to talk about, you need to work on conversing with others. Just ask about people but don't get too deep. I hope it works out
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 5 (view)
 
If you're here for friends....
Posted: 11/12/2012 12:20:08 PM
I agree; some young women especially are obsessed with attention and showing off. There's also many that just want photos of certain guys so they can parade them on facebook for other friends to see.

Also some are saying they want friends and some are just wanting to hook up. Many women seem as shallow as men. Great question op
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 283 (view)
 
gold diggers in orange county/south california!! any good ones left??
Posted: 11/11/2012 10:48:52 PM
lol; this thread is interesting. I'm sorry but that's why I stay away from Orange County and live in Northern California!
 
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