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 Author Thread: Of Forumites and Profiles
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Of Forumites and Profiles
Posted: 7/18/2012 3:27:03 AM
I often read the profiles of other posters to gain a better understanding of what kind of person they are.

I also always make a point of checking out the profiles of the forum trolls to make sure that they don't live in my area so that I don't risk getting involved with them.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Can I remove that I messaged someone looking for an intimate encounter?
Posted: 4/20/2012 4:52:20 AM
A very large percentage of the men on this site also use that filter, so it's not only women who wish to minimize their exposure to people seeking a ONS.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Getting out there
Posted: 4/17/2012 6:51:10 AM
I suggest that you consider the strong possibility, that you can actually help your child learn about dealing with social challenges and engage better in the world, by going out yourself and dating. Talk to him about what you deal with in this (not the lurid details of course), so that he can both be involved ion your life, and able to communicate with you about how he feels about whatever women are involved. It will help him to get a more realistic picture of human interaction, and to gain deeper insights into why his mother isn't there as other mothers are.

In short, by "protecting him," you are in effect making him more vulnerable to danger himself, when the time comes for him to go out in the world and begin interacting with girlfriends.


This is the strategy that I've taken.

Given that I can't hide the fact that I'm dating from my daughter even if I wanted to, I've decided to be open with her about it. I don't provide her with lurid details, but I let her know when I'm going out on a date or a coffee meet. I even made a deal with her that whenever I go on a coffee meet, I'll get her a donut. She seems to like that.

In a few years, she'll be dating herself and I want her to get an idea of what dating is about. It's about meeting lots of people in order to find one to settle down with. I don't want her to think that she should get serious with the first boy that shows an interest in her.

I give her basic information about the men I date but don't introduce them to her until I get to know them and think that there is a good chance of them being around for a while.

She occasionally will get jealous that I'm having fun without her, but otherwise is taking everything in stride.

I don't fault parents who choose to keep their dating lives from their children. We all have our parenting styles and beliefs and god knows that parenting is hard enough without constantly being second guessed by other parents, but I feel that in my situation, honesty is the best route.

My mother used to date when I was my daughter's age. Although she had terrible taste in men and that created problems, the fact that she was dating never bothered me. I sincerely just wanted her to be happy and hoped that she would find someone who would treat her well.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Are you an only-child OR a parent of an only-child? Feedback wanted.
Posted: 4/17/2012 4:12:04 AM
My daughter is my only child and she's forbidden me from having anymore children! LOL
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 208 (view)
 
Who You Attract vs Who You're Attracted To
Posted: 4/17/2012 3:56:24 AM

Really you are complaining about attractive men emailing you and saying you dont like them? Thats sounds like bullshit if you ask me. No woman would turn down attractive men come on now please be realistic


Not everyone is looking for arm candy.

Attractiveness is important to me as well, but I'm not into the pretty boys or musclehead types either.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 79 (view)
 
No one will EVER want YOU.
Posted: 4/17/2012 3:51:53 AM
where did you hear this? some woman's magazine???

is it possible that sometimes people say things that are harmful,,,,,because they are true?
your answer is the one everyone uses these days to protect themselves from any truths about themselves,,,

anytime someone says something to you,,whether it is true or not,,you can just pull out the "your just doing it cause your a jealous hater and i don't have to listen to you and never will cause i hate examining myself and it is so much easier to just say your the problem!!!"

is it not just as possible what someone is saying is not mean,,,but the truth????


The truth?! What are you talking about?

What kind of person says something like "No one will EVER want YOU" to anyone much less a complete stranger?

The OP is a very attractive woman who seems like a nice person. I'm sure that there are many men who would love to get closer to her, but that is besides the point.

Even if what the a$$ said was true, what is there to be gained from saying something like that to another human being other than to prop up one's self esteem at the expense of another's?

Someone who says stuff like that to others isn't being truthful; they're just being bullies and there are often underlying reasons for them to lash out at someone like the OP that has nothing to do with their target but rather with themselves.

Being "truthful" isn't an excuse to say whatever hurtful thing that comes to mind about someone. Anyone who does that obviously has deeper issues.

Remember what your mother said: "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 359 (view)
 
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 4/15/2012 11:46:03 AM

Sinbad, the comedian, said "a guy will date the woman behind the McDonald's counter but, vice versa, oh hell no!!"


That hasn't been my experience. Now that my career is starting to take off, I find that I'm attracting a much better quality of men than I did when I was a starving student.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Make an option between average and overweight
Posted: 4/15/2012 11:42:38 AM
Those descriptions are subjective at best. What one person would consider average, another would consider overweight and yet even another person would consider it thin. It depends on the person.

Personally, I would rather just get rid of the descriptions altogether and have everyone post full body shots. That way, you can see for yourself if that person appeals to you or not.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Must put how many kids you have
Posted: 4/15/2012 3:47:54 AM
I think that requiring more information about our children would be too much.

Parents on POF differ greatly on how much information about their children they are comfortable sharing on their profiles.

Personally, I'm pretty open with how many children I have (one) and her age, but I have also seen parents go to the opposite extreme and choose the "prefer not to say" option to the "children" question and offer no information about their children at all.

That is their choice and we must all respect our differing comfort zones regarding divulging information about our children on here. To mandate that those who aren't comfortable sharing information about their children divulge the number of children they have and their ages is just asking for trouble.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Third date - err.. Thoughts?
Posted: 4/13/2012 4:03:13 AM
To be honest, that's my "game." Some guys wait a few days before contacting and setting up a date, some guys wait a week, some guys wait till the very next day.. I like to contact the day after I've had a good date saying I had fun, but not set up another date immediately (not be over-eager); instead, just tell her that I'll "be in touch," then a couple/few days later contact her and try to set up another date. I mean it IS good to have some mystery to when you're going to contact her again for a date and build some anticipation in the early stages of dating, isn't it?


Personally, I can't the term "game" when it pertains to relationships or dating. It suggests an adverserial relationship between the sexes when the whole purpose of dating is to find common ground with each other.

I find your way of doing things to be very reasonable and as a woman, if a man I was dating utilized your strategy, it would work great for me. You're letting her know that you're interested without coming across as needy or stalkerish.

When I go out with a guy, if I am interested in seeing him again, I make that known before the night is over. If he takes more than a day to get back in touch with me and firm up the next date.....I am already moving on to the next fish.


Here we have a perfect demonstration of "what works for one person won't work for everyone". As I mentioned, your way would work fine for me, but not for all women.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Just a thought, how man woman find the need to.....
Posted: 4/12/2012 11:45:32 AM
I love my dark hair and never had any desire to go blonde.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Can a person's choice of style get in the way of having success in a relationship?
Posted: 4/12/2012 9:13:28 AM

Long hair in a braid is not really a style (except for Elsie, the milkmaid). It's long hair for the sake of having long hair, that's too long and too much trouble to style. It's more like zeroscaping.


Hey! Just because you don't like it doesn't mean that it's not a style! I don't insult your mouse ears. It IS a style and if you don't like it, DON'T LOOK!

People with similar tastes in style tend to find each other. Your style is only a problem for someone who doesn't share the same tastes that you do.

OP: Personally, I have always found that your style gives the impression of someone who is down to earth and isn't superficial. A man who wants a woman with the full face of make-up, nails done and designer labels probably won't be attracted to your style, but a man who wants a low maintenance woman who looks good wearing nothing but chapstick would be interested in you.

Again, do what you want with your hair and wear what you are comfortable wearing. Don't try to be someone you're not.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Do you smoke marijuana as a separate question?
Posted: 4/11/2012 11:52:21 AM
I'm in complete agreement with Miss Allison.

Just because you think that it's okay and that it's not a drug doesn't mean that everyone else does.

Personally, I'm fed up with people wasting my time by lying to me about their drug use then trying to get me to change my mind about pot even though my preferences are clearly stated in my profile.

I don't care if you disagree with me. I have good reasons for my position and contrary to what some of you may think, they're not due to anti drug films that were made before my parents were born.

OP: Having separate categories of drugs will be redundant. It will quickly become a question of where to stop with the separate categories.

You can either answer "yes" to the drug question or mention elsewhere in your profile that you like to smoke pot. Either way works for me and it will also allow someone who shares your views to see that they have something in common with you.

The bottom line is DON'T LIE!
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Dating gurus
Posted: 4/11/2012 3:56:54 AM
I would stay away from the PUA instructors. They are only teaching you how to get laid by using some very sneaky and manipulative techniques. You strike me as being above that type of behaviour.

There are other instructors who will give you more appropriate advice if a meaningful relationship is what you're after. As another poster has already mentioned, a lot of it just boils down to having confidence and not being afraid to approach a woman who has caught your eye.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 29 (view)
 
MANY women in my area are here STILL
Posted: 4/8/2012 5:01:22 PM

Has anyone here considered that these faces you've seen for years have seen yours for just as long?


I was thinking the same thing. I remember the OP from before my self-imposed respite from POF to focus on my studies.

There are lots of reasons why people are still here after so many years. It could be that like you, they had a relationship, but it didn't work out and they're back. It could be because, like me, they had to take a break to focus on other more important things. It could be that they have unrealistic standards or it could be that they just enjoy the dating scene so much, they don't want it to end.

There would be as many different reasons as there are different people.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 140 (view)
 
Men over sixty - seem to like women in their own age bracket.
Posted: 4/8/2012 4:04:19 PM
Actually, the time proven rule is to get a woman half one's age plus seven years. For me at present that works out to be a 42 year old.


That rule is garbage.

According to it, I should seek out a man who is 58. That's older than my father!

No thanks
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 127 (view)
 
Men over sixty - seem to like women in their own age bracket.
Posted: 4/6/2012 2:41:24 PM
None of us are despairing.

And dude, post a clear head and body shot. Let us SEE you. Methinks that you protest too much.


Me thinks that someone should remind him that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. LOL


 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Can a person's choice of style get in the way of having success in a relationship?
Posted: 4/6/2012 1:23:42 PM

It breaks my heart you cut your hair........not on a personal level......but from the standpoint you would sacrifice something you like to suit another......I am truly saddened.


Agreed.

Be who you are and wear your hair however you want. There are many men who love long hair on women. Trust me, I know. Most of the men I dated would have been appalled at the thought of me cutting my hair and the only man who suggested that I cut my hair off is my mother's boyfriend. I responded by laughing at him.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 174 (view)
 
sugar mommy?
Posted: 4/6/2012 7:46:03 AM

A guy looking for a sugar mamma or a women looking for a sugar daddy is, in my opinion, pathetic and sad.


I agree. IMHO, it's a form of prostitution. My love is not for sale.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Getting passed over because of kids?? Thoughts??? women and men
Posted: 4/5/2012 6:18:32 PM
Ontario women I get it seriously i said sorry and i never devalued!!!!!! Them who lit the fire on your tampon if I said sorry then it's sorry I would thank you to stop making it seem like i sit there and tell every child your baggage I never once told. Child nor did i come close to it or would ever


How you said it wasn't clear. Things are good {{hugs}}
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 88 (view)
 
Getting passed over because of kids?? Thoughts??? women and men
Posted: 4/5/2012 2:06:18 PM

somoene said i was baggage i dont see how that is.. though i mean im 23 on my own i never bother anyone my mom is freeeee lol no but just kids that are still young will be there....


Children may require a great deal of care but that doesn't make them "baggage". If you don't want to be stepmom at 23, I understand that, but please choose your words carefully as children can't help being children and they don't deserve to be devalued.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Getting passed over because of kids?? Thoughts??? women and men
Posted: 4/4/2012 7:04:43 PM

lol @ LBi28 lmao yea we are always gonna be considerd selfish but least we are honest besides no one is gonna live our life for us... if we wouldnt be happy dating a man with a kid who is any one to judge after all HAPPINESS DOES MATTER.. doesnt it?? i do see kids as baggage from a relationship i do not want a instant familiy man i know single moms and dads where im from wont even date anyone with kids????? go figure is it that bad to where even someone who has kids themselves wouldnt wanna date someone with kids.. man we get all kinds in this world...smh


Date whom you want. At 23, it's no surprise that you don't want to date a single parent as you probably aren't ready for life with children yet. We get that. But please don't refer to children as "baggage". They are human beings with feelings that are easily hurt by the careless words of adults and they didn't do anything wrong.

How would you feel if someone referred to you as "baggage"?
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 74 (view)
 
why so many financial concerns?
Posted: 4/4/2012 6:54:12 PM

why do you insist that any financial exchange even occur in a relationship in the first place?


What financial exchange? The only time a financial exchange would take place in a relationship is either in a hooker/john or gold-digger/sugar daddy or mommy situation.

What happens in healthy relationships where cohabitation is part of the equation is a pooling of finances; not a financial exchange.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Screening while on POF
Posted: 4/4/2012 2:37:12 PM
He's a control freak and is stringing you along.

Cut him out of your life and get some help for yourself.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 512 (view)
 
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/3/2012 1:53:05 PM
I think that a key difference in the type situations that the OP was referring to as opposed to what is seen in other cultures is how resources are earned and distributed.

In cultures where inter-generational households are the norm, a pooling of resources is the norm and most elderly parents are the dependants, not the providers. In the type of situation that the OP was referring to, there is minimal pooling of resources and the elderly parents are the providers with the adult children as the dependants often spending the money that they do earn on themselves.

I don't think that many people would have an issue with adult children living with their parents if it was the adult children paying the bills or at least paying a significant portion of them. What often happens though is that the parents pay the bills while the adult children either pay nothing or a token amount.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Would this be an issue for you? Should it be an issue for anyone?
Posted: 4/3/2012 9:38:09 AM
It wouldn't be an issue for me. He's not responsible for what his parents did and reading between the lines, I got the impression that he was hurt deeply by the actions of his parents particularily his father. If anything, I think that he would be less prone to cheating as he is intimately aware of the possible consequences to everyone involved and not just the guilty parties and their spouses.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
why so many financial concerns?
Posted: 4/3/2012 8:22:07 AM
Godfather is right.

Like Gwen U make it, I entered into a relationship with the naive belief that money issues would take care of themselves and was exploited too although in a different way than Gwen and U make it. I'm older and wiser now.

Insisting upon financial stability and responsibility in a potential mate isn't about being materialistic; it's about being realistic. Living costs money. Even if you are the type of person who appreciates the simple life, housing, food, heat and other basic needs still require money. I spent a number of years with a financially irresponsible man and I can assure you that constantly being on the brink of destitution is no way to live. I won't do it again.

I'm not looking for a wealthy man to take care of me, but I am looking for financially responsible man who knows how to live within his means and isn't looking to me to take care of him financially. I want a life partner; not a dependant.

Additionally, I have a child whose needs I need to consider in all of this. A man who decimates me financially is also going to decimate her life as well. It's not all about me anymore.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Unbelievably (bad) date, so ridiculous I had to share
Posted: 4/3/2012 7:49:56 AM

If I was on a date and a woman told me she has or used to own a gun, I think I would have reacted the same way the OP reacted. Did the OP feel compelled to mention that as a mind game to let the guy know that she knows how to use a gun, so don't mess with her? If it was a mind game by the OP, it looks like it backfired.


I didn't get the impression that the OP had an issue with him having an interest in guns. It was the "beating heart" part of it that gave her cause for concern. Personally, I would have made a run for it. What kind of person actually cuts out the beating heart of a still alive animal?


A lot of this is cultural- city dwellers vs. rural folk. When I was a kid, I'd visit my cousins and watch them skin a rabbit they caught in a snare.


Unless your cousins skinned the rabbit while it was still alive, it's different. I used to live on a farm when I was little girl. I remember when I was 4 years old and watching my father chopping the heads off some chickens and showing me how they still ran around for a while with no heads. Consequently, I have a strong stomach for some things, but the "beating heart" thing was too much. My father used to hunt and the ultimate goal was to make the killing as efficient as possible so as to minimize the animal's suffering. He would never dream of doing something like what the OP's date did. That is deeply disturbing.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Dates who show up, see you, and then leave...
Posted: 4/1/2012 4:55:20 PM
I think that he was incredibly rude.

I can see it if you misrepresented yourself (highly unlikely in your case, IMHO) but even that is pushing it.

Consider it as him doing you a favour. He showed you what kind of person he is.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 10:31:00 AM

Don't spend 25 years trying to fix it. The issue with the cat is a relatively small issue, but it could well be indicative of bigger issues.


Agreed. This guy is a massive control freak. He only has a problem with the cat because he sees that it gives you pleasure and strength. He doesn't want you to have either beyond what is permitted and provided by him. No normal person gets that upset over a cat.

Make a run for it before these 2 years turn into 25 years.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 161 (view)
 
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:20:50 AM

I'm waiting for someone to come along and say "Well, you don't have to post on the forums if you don't like it!"


You don't have to post on the forums if you don't like it! LOL
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
First date and she asked me how much I make a year...WTF
Posted: 3/29/2012 3:25:02 AM
I can see her wanting to know that when the two of you are contemplating moving in together, but it's definately TMI for a first date.

I would be offended.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 113 (view)
 
Labia reduction surgery??
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:07:48 AM

I think like anything else, if there's something about your body that makes you very uncomfortable, and you can fix that, then go ahead and do it. Life is too short to spend it being less than you want to be. That goes for everything. It seems that far too many people think they should just put up with being less attractive than the ones who lucked out with nature. Can't stand your beak? Get a new nose. Hate being flat chested or having huge boobs? Get 'em the way you want in the size you want. Women understand that for men, the visual is way up there in importance (don't believe me? Consider this; you walk into a party, scan the room, and within a few seconds already know who you want to get to meet, without knowing anything more about them than their looks). Ladies, if fixing something that makes you feel self conscious about yourself, and especially something that can prevent you from enjoying sex the way you want to, then fix it. We seldom regret things we did; we regret things we didn't do far more.


Those perceived "flaws" are what makes each and every one of us unique. Surgical procedures in the pursuit of fitting society's current (and ever changing) standard of beauty is leading more and more towards people becoming cookie cutter copies of each other. I've heard men who live in areas where plastic surgery is the norm lament that all of the women look like each other and that it's the unaltered woman who is likely to catch their attention.

Physical attractiveness in a man is important to me as a woman, but personally, it's the man that has something different about his appearance that is far more likely to catch my eye. I find the "perfect" looking men boring to look at.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 32 (view)
 
I'm not looking to be a stepmother
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:00:14 AM

I've read from three individuals now complaining what an ordeal child rearing was. Why? Just don't get that. I'm going to go into toxic shock when my little girl goes away to experience her "starter marriage". LOL.


You had your daughter later in life. You had time to enjoy your freedom and have fun before the responsibilities of parenthood. Not all of us did. Many of us started parenting at young ages and want to enjoy some of that freedom that you had and seem to take for granted. It doesn't mean that we love our children any less. It just means that we would also like to experience life unrestrained by the demands and logistics of caring for young children someday too.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 30 (view)
 
I'm not looking to be a stepmother
Posted: 3/28/2012 4:19:43 AM

You know. One previous postee states "I've done my time". Some of these folks act like raising a child is a fate worse than death. Worse than going to work in the AM!!! Ha. Makes me wonder why? I've raised mine for 11 yrs. Wouldn't change anything; best 11 yrs. of my life. Well if these women feel that way about their offspring; I can only imagine what they say about their men. Makes me wonder what kind of relationship some of these folks had with their parents.


The phrase "I've done my time" does not mean that they view "raising a child is a fate worse than death". It just means that they finished raising children and are now looking forward to a life where they can focus more on themselves as opposed to other people.

I've been raising children since I was 20. First it was my stepkids and now it's my daughter. I had a year of life on my own as a free adult before taking on the responsibilities of a parent. While other young women were going out and having fun, I was at home helping my stepkids with their homework and ensuring that they got to bed at a decent hour. I made significant sacrifices to do that and I won't lie and say that it didn't pain me to see other people my age having fun while my time and resources were spent serving on the needs of other people.

While I would not change a thing, I am still looking forward to the day when my daughter no longer needs my care and I can focus my energy on my needs and desires. I want to have fun too and I mean fun as an adult, not doing children's activities.

As my daughter is still relatively young, I am not opposed to getting romantically involved with a single father of similarily aged children and being a stepmother, but I still fully understand where the women whose children are grown are coming from when they hesitate about getting involved with a man with minor children in his care.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 30 (view)
 
control group
Posted: 3/27/2012 5:04:13 PM

Did you know that Canada's Wi-fi limits on maximum amplification of microwaves are 1000 (one thousand) times higher than China's? How strange is that? It also occurs to me that... with Wi-fi being emitted everywhere in Canada... we have lost the ability to do valid science regarding this topic. We can no longer do any epidimiological study because we no longer have a "control group" against which we might measure claims of safe or unsafe exposure, over the short, medium and long terms. It seems obvious to me that it has taken on the form of military weapon and the many, varied uses of Wi-fi in our daily lives are mostly smokescreen (intentionally or unintentionally) for the continual delivery of the radiation. Kind of like the scene in Dr. Zivago where the doctor is stopped on a train for questioning and he argues that he can't be under suspicion because he's travelling with his wife and child. And his interviewer replies "A knife will look less suspicious at the dinner table when accompanied by a fork and spoon... but it's still a knife."


I'm prepared. Have my tinfoil hat on and ready to go!
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
GOLD Members.....
Posted: 3/27/2012 12:58:40 PM

I do wonder WHY people choose to enhance their membership on a free site, rather than join a paid site and enjoy both memberships.


Actually, I do have a paid membership on a pay-site which I'm about to allow to expire.

I find that POF has a much larger selection of people to choose from than what is found on the pay-sites for where I live. I'm also tired of getting messaged by people who live thousands of miles away too. I'm not interested in a long-distance relationship.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
GOLD Members.....
Posted: 3/27/2012 9:02:23 AM

I think it is really used by players, women that just want dates...and so on


I use it and I'm not a player or just looking for dates. I'm looking for a relationship.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 3/26/2012 5:00:10 PM
I think that whether or not casual sex can lead to depression depends on the values of the woman involved.

If casual sex is contrary to her values then succumbing to pressure and engaging in casual sex is going to damage her self-esteem and lead to depressions. On the other hand, if she is comfortable with casual sex, then it's unlikely to cause problems.

Bottom line: Do what you feel comfortable doing and don't let others pressure you into doing something that you are not comfortable with.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How to deal...photo upsets.
Posted: 3/26/2012 4:09:26 PM
I haven't received hate mail regarding my photos, but I have received hate mail regarding the fact that I'm a single mother.

I don't respond.

I just delete and block then go on with my day.

They're not worth thinking about.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 101 (view)
 
Labia reduction surgery??
Posted: 3/26/2012 4:02:34 PM

I dont know ontario uncircumsized penises freak me the hell out and I will do this :


They don't bother me in the least. As I said, they all have their charms.

People get so caught up in obsessing over the things that make them different that they don't realize that these are the same things that make them unique. Who wants to be a cookie-cutter version of everyone else?


Man the things you learn on the forums I didnt know such a operation existed? I need to start a POF reality show, I can be the executive producer


Can I be the co-producer?

 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Crocs...the single UGLIEST shoe ever invented.
Posted: 3/26/2012 3:54:39 PM

I have never had the desire to try one on.... not even for the comfort factor... Thanks, but no thanks...


Same here. I'm told that they're comfortable but they have to be the ugliest things...

I thought that fad was over. Why are they still around?
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 121 (view)
 
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 3:25:31 PM
There have been times when I've been tempted, but have never followed through on it. It's just not for me, but if someone else wants to do it, go for it. It's their body; not mine.


considering a FWB situation or being in one does not say someone has very much value upon themselves to begin with.


I disagree with this statement. I've known people who have utilized the FWB route. It had nothing to do with how much value they placed on themselves. They just wanted to be able to get their rocks off without the hassles of a relationship.

Again, it's not for me. I'm not comfortable doing that, but if someone else is, I don't see an issue with it providing that everyone is honest with each other about their intentions.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How to deal...photo upsets.
Posted: 3/26/2012 2:51:37 PM
Has anyone on this site ever had to deal with someone who contacted you & degraded you negatively because of your photo & looks?


Almost everyone gets hate mail here of one form or other. If it's not about looks and photos, it will be about something else.


If so, how did you deal with this person even if you did ignore that person too?


Delete and block. These are your best friends. Get to know them.


could it be that person is really trying to express something different or is it generally just cruelty?



98% of the time, it's just someone being an a$$. You would be surprised at how many people there are that get off on making others feel bad. It's THEIR problem, NOT YOURS!


Are people generally that cruel just because you're average-looking (not modelesque), overweight or not a beautiful/handsome person?


It could be because of those reasons or it could be because of other reasons. There was a woman who posted that she received a message from someone saying that no respectable southern man would want a woman who had been with a non-caucasian man because she mentioned in her profile that she is open to dating people of all races.


If this has ever happened to you, how did you deal with it?


Again. DELETE and BLOCK.

Don't take what these people say to you personally. It says more about them than it does about you.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 97 (view)
 
Labia reduction surgery??
Posted: 3/26/2012 2:15:40 PM

How much do you wanna' bet the same women badmouthing men for making crude remarks about the labia, are the same women who have no problem saying how "ugly" an uncircumcised penis is? Double standard much?


I have yet to see a penis I would describe as "ugly". As far as I'm concerned, they all had their charms!
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
No Pic no interest. Am I being fair?
Posted: 3/26/2012 2:11:55 PM
I tend to be suspicious if they don't at least include a photo in an email to me.

I have met a few men without seeing a photo first and was disappointed every time. It wasn't so much an issue of them being married (none were to the best of my knowledge) but rather they didn't take care of themselves...
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/26/2012 11:14:04 AM
Asking about one's profession isn't always about money. The career path that a person chooses says a lot about their values, personality, etc. As another poster has already pointed out, we spend a very large portion of our lives at work. Something that significant in one's life should be shared with a potential romantic partner as it will affect them too.

To say that money and professions don't have a significant effect on choosing whom to get romantically involved with is naive.

Many of us don't want to financially support another adult so financial stability is important along with money management skills. Granted, asking about income and financial situation is too much for a first date or even a third date, but it should be discussed at some point if you are considering getting serious with each other. Vastly different incomes, financial management styles and views on money issues can kill a relationship.

Other posters have mentioned that financial health can be determined by the possessions (car, house, clothes, etc.) of the person. My experience has been that many people either spend beyond their means or all of their income to maintain such an image. It is not uncommon to see clients drive up in expensive, luxury cars only to find that they are on the verge of bankruptcy while the clients with healthy balance sheets will drive moderately priced vehicles. I find that observing how one manages their money combined with their occupation is a far better indication of financial health.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 85 (view)
 
If I do not respond to your message.....
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:21:17 AM

Geeze, this could have been my own words when I first found online dating.

However, over time, I have implemented the no response thingy if I am not interested.

In real life, if I politely decline someone's advances, they dont stand there and berate me, call me every dirty word under the sun etc...but they do regulalrly online.

If I had not recieved the hundreds of scathing, rude emails back after a polite 'thanks for writing to me, however, I do not see us as a match, good luck in your search'...I would still be replying. In reality, I was treated very poorly for responding politely. Life is too short to sift through such nasty email, especially when all I did was be polite. So...no response from me unless I am interested.


These are my feelings and experiences too.

I started sending polite rejections but after getting abusive messages in response or being pressured to explain and defend my decision, I just decided not to respond anymore. I might if it's obvious the person put considerable effort into their message, but even then, I still brace myself for their response.

It's not lack of empathy or consideration; it's self-protection.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 240 (view)
 
percentage lying about age
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:03:42 AM
I've had my share of men lying about their ages along with other things.

I wish that people would just be honest on their profiles. The truth is going to come out anyways and lying about something as basic as age doesn't bode well for a future together.

Personally, I'm completely honest about everything on my profile including my age. I have limited time available for dating and don't want to waste it on someone who will find my unattractive or has an issue with my age.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
no sex
Posted: 3/25/2012 4:23:16 AM

Your profile says you're married so I'm assuming you're talking about your wife.
You're 59 and let's also assume your wife is around your age. Her lack of interest in sex could be because she's past menopause and it could hurt or her sex drive has gone.
Either way (and whatever else reason) she should consult her doctor. This can be fixed.
But you looking online is not going to turn her on.
Be patient and talk to her about going to see a doctor. If she loves you and wants to stay married, she should be willing to do this.
Get off line though. It's seriously sleazy.


Agreed. If it's a medical issue, it can be addressed. Being here though and looking for sex outside your marriage is just going to result in the loss of your marriage including all of the good stuff she does for you outside of the bedroom.
 
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