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 Author Thread: How to actively date..when your ex left you in debt?
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How to actively date..when your ex left you in debt?
Posted: 2/9/2009 6:52:27 PM
I to was left in debit by a fromer L/T He claimed to be in it for the long haul but when the money ran out he was gone best thing that ever happened to me. I have paid off the debit I had to sell off stuff to do it. On top of it I lost my house because he moved in with me promising to pay rent but never happen. I was living in a 22 ft travel trailer
and dating never seemed to both any of the guys I went out with a matter of fact they thought it was great that I had just moved on and made the best of a bad sisuation.

I have a great guy in my life that is willing to be there for the good times and the bad.

The fact that I walked away and have never looked back and just got on with my life spoke volumes to the new guy about who I am and what is important in life.

So to answer your question no I don't think it is important and I don't think it needs to be disclosed unless it comes up then be honset but not blaming or whining as you did do what you did on your own no one held a gun to your head and made demands.

 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Sexuality and sex after major weight loss----Is it better or worse?
Posted: 1/26/2009 6:10:14 PM
OP
Congrats on the weight loss it fels good doesn't it I to lost a large amount of weight 180 lbs by changing the way I eat and working out but unlike you I had sagging skin so I had plastic surgery that way my reward at the end of the jounery.

So to answer your questions I do enjoy sex more but there are more reasons then just weight loss I was also in an unhappy marriage part of the weight gain when I took control of my live and got healthy I also need to get healthy mentally which meant getting out of the unhappy marriage. I do tell any guy before we meet that I have lost weight and had plastic surgery if they still want to go out we useally have a great time and has continued to more then the first date. As for asking your date to share his meal I just order what I want and before I even start eating I ask for a to go box and put half in it for the next day this keeps me from over eating and my date doesn't feel as if he just wasted money on a meal for me.

Keep up the great job!!! My weight loss lead to a job helping others get healthy so I have been blessed with being able to pay it forward.

Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Do I tell Mom? I think it's my daughter's place here...
Posted: 12/14/2008 10:52:59 AM
Realiyt is that there is to many teens with STD's and unwanted babies I think you are one smart dad to advise your daughter on BC also I don't think mom needs to be in the picture this is her choice if she thinks mom needs to know then she will tell her but until then continue to what is best for your daughter and let your daughter and her mom take care of their releationship. Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
laughter in a relationship
Posted: 10/29/2008 6:39:35 PM
OP

Laughter is very important to me I spent along time in an unhappy marriage so when the marriage ended. I started dating again if the guy didn't make me laugh I really was intrested I realized early on that that was important for me.

Was in a L/T for a year in a half and that was the of the things that drew me to him was he made me laugh until my sides ached all the time! That is one of the things I miss most about not being with him anymore is the laughter.

Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:16:34 AM
I couldn't agree with more "Wannashake" I was trying to prove a point how redculous it is to assume that men have the same choices as women. I think they should and I think their lack of choices in the B/C department is also not fair as a man you have to either use a condom or trust the person you are with but until they come up with a male form of the pill (I did read a post about this a few months age on here) it seem tat men have no choice but to not trust their partner or risk fatherhood .
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:03:23 AM
I think I have the answer maybe before entering into a relationship when sex is involved we should have a signed and noterized statement of our intentions of parenthood, sign here if you want to be risky and parent a child and sign her if you do not want to take a risk and then who ever is the one that doesn't want to be a parent is responable for B/C???

What has this come down to ? The fact is women do have all the choices it is unfair but what is the soultion? In the case of the OP his friend thought they had an understanding maybe he was stupid for trusting his G/F but isn't that what we are taught that we should honor our word she told him that she was responable for B/C accepted her at her word I don't know about any of you if I give my word I am going to stick to it, I don't just pay it lip service, the fact that she plotted with his sister speaks volumes that she never intended to keep her word had he known that I am sure he would have gladly stepped up and been in control of B/C is the lesson learned here that our word is just a means to an end? I sure hope not I would like to think that we still honor our word as important enough to keep.
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 8/27/2008 11:44:04 PM
Prairiechick,

If you think troublemaker had something intellegent to say you are very misguided. I have sat and listen to more women tell me they "deserve" to be taken care of by their babies father and he will pay the rest of his life for not stepping up to the plate for a child he had no intention of having but made the mistake of trusting the women he was with when she said she would be in charge of B/C do women intentially get preg.
HELL YES does the man have a responiablity to her NO as for the baby that is funny if the man had been in charge of B/C and got his G/F preg. on perpose and she didn't want it she would simply have an abortion he has no say it that! But in the case where the women intentionally get preg. the man hasn't the same choice seem to me things are a little out of wack with that.

Why is it that women have all the choices but play the injury party when it suits them I am a little confused by this women hold all the cards when it comes to procreating yet manage to always make seem as if men are to blame.
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Working from Home?
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:26:58 PM
I run a construction company from home I love it I don't even have to get dressed to go to the office LOL
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
mirena coil
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:54:16 AM
My daughter just had her second one put in, the first was 5 yrs ago after her last baby she was prone to bad cramps and PMS before the IUD but after about 3 mos she was like a different person with no more period she was not PMSing or having cramps she loves it. It is uncomfortable to get it inserted your wife will be crampy for a few days and the string does need to be clipped short or as one poster said you will get poked but besides that she hasn't had and side effects.
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Ladies, do you think marriage is worth it?
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:46:43 AM
I ended at 29 yr marriage that was actually over at least 15 yrs ago. Would I do it again I don't think so that is not saying I wouldn't have a commited relationship but I done need a piece of paper to make it a committment. I like being independent and that was someting I lost in my marriage. But each person is different so this has to be what you heart and inner voice is telling YOU is right. Good luck on your journey.
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
If You've Lost A lot Of Weight, Did You Lose A lot Of Female Friends?
Posted: 11/15/2007 1:56:04 PM
This is a good question I have lost a lot of weight 180 lbs by changing the way I eat and working out.

I did not lose any friends in fact I have more friends now then I did. I think this may be because I am a much happier person with more self confident then when I was big. All my old friends couldn't be happier for me and the new friends seem to enjoy my company also. Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:55:25 PM
Edit: Autologin got me here. Jonnymac1963 wrote this while logged in as his G/F Mellow Mel. Sorry for the confusion.

Lie to me,

If you have issue with me then bring it on or maybe start a new thread outlining how you believe men like me make stuff up just so you can accuse us of being liars....

For the record, I have known my friend for a couple of years. I was his boss for about 6 months before I moved on to new oppertunities. I taught him the "trade" of facilities maintenance and became a life mentor for him.

He spent his evenings power drinking and his hang overs were looking to me like he was doing real dammage to his internal organs. Together we were able to start with a month off the booze and his DTs were the worst I had ever seen. When he shared what the DTs felt like with his father he was told that that was the sigh that he needed another drink. (what a pos). His dad used to beat the crap out of him when he was drunk and later make up. His last g/f was looking for the same type of abuse that his father had done with him. I was able to set him straight that abuse was not the way to express your feelings and to simply put it on the line. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Unfortunantly when he followed my advise and managed to build his relationship with this new women he thought that when he said he needed to learn how to make a true emotional attachment and that at this point he was only capible of sex only he said what he meant and thought she did as well. We talked then and before he moved in with her. He did what he thought was best and kept an open mind. When he told me about the pregnancy he knew I would be there for him, (as I will always be). I'm sure that once he settles down we will be in touch again. The ball is in his court though as I can't chase him down when he isn't receptive to my conversation.

As for Lie to me: Kiss my a$$

J Mac
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:05:43 PM
^^^^^^So you telling me a man can't put a puncture into a condom as easily as a woman can?

What man in there RIGHT mind would sabatage himself ??? I know of very few guys that would willingly make a baby it is almost always the women who gets that ball rolling and yes in a loving relationship this is done with TWO consenting adults but this is not a loving relationship it was for sex only yes he could have used a condom but she did assure him that she was not intrested in a baby I do know both involved and she did totally manipulate the situation and I beleive she would have satabaged the condoms to get what she wanted she was reckless in her actions and now there is a child that will pay for her reckless ways as well as a very inmature 26 yr old who is a father before he is ready. Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:54:14 PM
Why should he have to pay child support if he made it clear that he didn't want a child and she assured him she would not have one and then SHE decided without his input that was what she wanted. If she wanted a child so badly then she needs to assume the support for it. Our court system is screwed up he will have to pay for the next 18 yrs for a something that was not his choice and I am sure he will but it isn't fair. Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant...
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:37:13 PM
Arlo Troutman you hit the nail on the head she is controlling the whole dam thing and it makes me angry to know there are women out there that think it is ok to lie and cheat to get what they want it makes me wonder what kind of parent she will be.

So now she gets what she wants at what cost the guy is dam if he does and dammed if he doesn't but she brings a child into a world where she had to deceive it father it is hard enough when children are wanted but when you use deception to get your way and back someone in a corner how fair is that this child is going to have a tough road ahead I have seen it to many times. Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Can she trust me if she doesnt trust my ex?
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:49:54 PM
I get where your girlfriend is coming from but it is truly about trust and she needs to let it go. I am living with a guy who is best friends with one of his ex's and he is planning to stay with her for a few days when he goes to visit his kids. I too was having issue with this and then I realized that if he was commited to me he would not let anythings she may try with him interfer with what we have and if something does happen then I guess we weren't as commited as I thought. So yes I trust him no I don't trust her but I trust him to stop what ever she may try.

It is hard when you invest time and emotion in a realationship and try to control all areas of it, but we need to learn to just let things be and it will work out , too much thinking can explode in your face.

So just support her and maybe you need to introduce them sometimes it is the fear of the unknown. Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Guys Living in Trailors
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:35:27 PM
I agree with the last poster what or where a guy lives isn't the issue it should be about the kind of person he is and how he treats you much more important then housing. Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Breast reduction scars
Posted: 11/14/2007 12:34:28 PM
Scars can fade as time goes on if there is a problem with back pain then I say go for it as the back pain will just keep getting worse. I have done a lift and have scaring but it is fading and I feel so much better about myself that the scars are of little concern they have not kept my B/F from enjoying them and I have to say things are a whole lot more senative then before so more pleasure. I would tell your friend to check out a few Dr.s and ask to talk to some of their paients who have done the proceedure before doing anything. Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Online dating..
Posted: 11/6/2007 12:52:23 PM
I recently re-entered the dating world and I did it throught on-line dating yes you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince/princess but you can find that one person who is honset and what he/she says they are I have met that person I just had to be open to knowing that there are a few frogs and that's ok you learn to weed them out fast I always started with coffee as you can find out a lot in a few minutes and end it quickly if they were not what I was looking for or if I wasn't what they were looking for and if there was an attraction we would make another date so hang in there you will find Mr/Miss right even sometime Mr/Mrs right now is good.
Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Is True Love Really Possible and More Importantly, Can You Find Your True Love Online??
Posted: 11/1/2007 4:19:20 PM
I am older and yes I beleive in true love. I was married for 28 yrs and at no time did I feel he was my soul mate or did I feel true love I did care for him but I was nevver "in love" with him. I was young when we met and thought that this was what I was suppose to be doing.

Well I did start dating throught the internet and after kissing a lot of frogs I found my soul mate and true love on the internet. I never knew what being in love was, until now we have not in a big hurry to say the 3 words, we gotten to know each 0ther, but I have to say it felt different and right from the very first time we met. There is a kind of easiness and comfortness that I have never found with anyone else.

So my advise is really figure out what you are looking for in a mate and put it out there and once you meet someone be real don't play games just be who you are and if it is the right person they will accept you and not try to change you.

Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
quality ?quantity?
Posted: 10/30/2007 11:58:52 AM
I am of the mind there should not have to be a choice if you are in a good relationship with one person and you are commucating you should be able to satifiy both "Q" if that isn't happening then I feel I 'd be settling , I want the whole package maybe it is greed but ,I feel I deserve both and I would be letting myself down if I did have to make a choice. I guess I am lucky I have both I thought it was more common place then I guess it is.

Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
You say you want the truth, but can you really handle the truth?
Posted: 10/16/2007 12:52:07 PM
You post a great question, If your first contact is only and e-mail it is pretty hard to know if there is or isn't "chemistry" but you should be able to know if there are or are not some simular intrests and if not I would simply say I am not intrested in the same things as you.

Now if you have met you know if you are hitting it off or not and if it isn't the "chemistry" that is the red flag, then I would most likely try to say somthing that wasn't going to hurt feeling but if a guy asked "really what is it you don't find attractive " I would be honest and up front ie bad breath not the type I was looking for etc.

I find most of the time people are not looking for honesty in the whole this isn't for me releationship they don't want to hear the truth.

This is just my view.
Mel
 mellow mel
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Empty Nest. Are we dealing with it the right way?
Posted: 10/12/2007 2:52:20 PM
I am the girlfriend jmac is refering to I have to thank all of you for such great advise I have set bounderies and demanded respect this is the part of their problem and they have to get over it if they want to be part of my life. I do miss my kids but I refuse to let them make me feel guilty about enjoying life after 30 years of crap.

I had exited my marriage emotional and financally more them 10 yrs ago I was just staying to get the last kid out of the house so I am so past all the emotional stuff and have been ready to get on with living for awhile but as long as I was still "married" I was not dating but as soon as I filed I was free to move on and that is just what I have done.

jmac has been such a great help and support and his mom is totally awesome I am living a wonderful life that for now my kids have decided not to join me in, their loss.

My ex has lots of issues and I think the kids feel he needs to be cared for and they don't want to do it but as I am no long playing his game they feel like they have to pick up where I left off and he is taking full advantage of it.

I do know I spoiled my kids and I had made them my whole life . I now know that I was wrong that they should have been part of my life but not my life .

I feel my head is in a good place and I know what I want and am willing to do what it takes to get where I am going, for now my kids choose to not be a part of that and that is ok one day they will realize things were very different from what they thought and we will again have each other in our lifes.

Would love to see more feed back

Mel
 
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