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 Author Thread: Which Big Bang Theory character are you?
 drakens1
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Which Big Bang Theory character are you?
Posted: 6/1/2013 8:05:53 AM
It used to be much funnier in the earlier season, such as one with the friendship algorithm, now it's not so slowly morphing into a rehash of the old show "Friends".

People keep calling me Sheldon a lot, but sadly I'm a slightly less socially awkward Raj I think.
 Drakens1
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
joke
Posted: 12/23/2011 10:01:02 AM
Physics tells us that as you approach the speed of light you gain mass and get shorter. So it turns out Danny Devito is not short and fat at all, he's just moving really, really fast...
 Drakens1
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
joke
Posted: 12/22/2011 4:02:59 PM
I was in a bar once, and this guy picked a fight. He told me, "I'm gonna mop the floor with your face!" I told him, "I wouldn't do that if I were you, you'll have a hard time getting in the corners."
 Drakens1
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Home Depot Scam Alert
Posted: 12/21/2011 5:05:38 PM
An infinite group of irrational looking people start walking into a bar, each with numbers on their shirt. The first one has a 3 on his shirt, the second a 1, the next a 4, then a 1, then a 5 and so forth. The bartender sees this and quickly yells at them, "Come on people, this is a bar, we don't serve pi(e) here!!"
 Drakens1
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Jple of the Year
Posted: 12/19/2011 4:44:46 PM
A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender he wants to order ten times as much beer as everyone else in the bar. The bartender says, "Wow, now that's an order of magnitude!"
 Drakens1
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Crazy night at the bar.
Posted: 11/26/2011 8:16:03 AM
I hope you all enjoyed that, I was going to do a joke about dividing by zero, but it would have just gone on forever...
 Drakens1
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Crazy night at the bar.
Posted: 11/26/2011 8:14:26 AM
A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Another horse walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says, "I don't mind the long face, but you better not start anything!"

A third horse rushes into the bar and demands 25 shots quickly! The bartender complies and watches the horse slam all the shots as fast as he can. The bartender then asks,"Hey buddy slow down, what's the hurry?" The horse replies, "You'd be in a hurry too if you had what I have." Concerned, the bartender asks, "What do you have?" and the horse says, "25 cents."

A few minutes later a kid walks into the bar and sits down. After a few minutes the waitress comes over and the kid orders a beer. The waitress looks him over, seeing he is obviously underage and says, "Do you want to get me in trouble?" The kid replies, "Maybe later, for now I'll just have the beer."

Then a man walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. He tells the bartender that he is an amazing urinator, that if stood at one end of the bar, he could pee could fill a mug on the other end of the bar. The bartender of course thinks he's drunk there's no way he could do that, it was a very long bar. The man is insistent and bets the bartender, if he can do it, he'll drink for free the rest of the night, but if he fails, he'll give the bartender $100. The bartender decides to go along with it, thinking there's just no way. So the man jumps up on the bar and they set up the mug at the other end. He starts pissing, but gets nowhere near the mug, spraying urine all over the bar, everywhere but in the mug. He gets down and hands the bartender $100. Laughing at the futile attempt the bartender says, that was terrible, you weren't even close. The man just smiles and agrees. The bartender is confused, he says, "Why are you so happy, you just lost $100!" The man just smiles and says, "Ya, but I bet my friends over there $1000 that I could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it."

After that the bartender kicked everyone out of the bar, closed up shop and moved to Hawaii.
 Drakens1
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 195 (view)
 
Houseplants can be dangerous
Posted: 10/2/2011 2:25:10 PM
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third orders 1/4 of a beer. The bartender slams two beers on the bar and says, "You guys really need to learn your limits."
 Drakens1
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 194 (view)
 
Houseplants can be dangerous
Posted: 10/2/2011 2:23:38 PM
A couple ihad a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.


It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.


She let out a very loud scream.


The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was.
She told him there was a snake under the sofa.


He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.. About that time the family dog came and
cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.


His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.


The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.


But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around.
She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.


The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.


The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.


The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now, the police had arrived. Breath here......


They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.


The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.


Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.


The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.


Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).


Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.


And that's when he shot her.
 drakens1
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Big Bang matter/antimatter
Posted: 10/2/2011 12:55:16 PM
These are fundamental unsolved questions of science. What was there before the big bang, why is there more antimatter than matter. No one knows yet.

Standard theory says there should be equal amounts of matter and antimatter in the universe, why that isn't true is a mystery. There is some unknown asymmetry yet to be discovered.

As for what happens to the energy from the annihilation, it either creates gamma rays as photons or other anti-particle pairs. In the early universe, after the initial quark-guon plasma cooled down enough for hadrons and leptons to form, along with their anti-particle counterparts, the resulting annihilations formed photons. The photons bounced around and interacted with the protons and leptons still around until the universe cooled enough to allow the protons to bind with neutral particles to form atoms. In this state they could no longer interact with the photons readily and this allowed the photons to roam freely. Since theory states that photons are fundamental particles ,they never decay, so these same photons are still zipping around out there, but since the universe has expanded they are now weaker and less energetic, since the same photons now fill up a much larger space. This makes up what we call the cosmic microwave background. It was maybe a little oversimplified, but that's basically the gist of it.
 drakens1
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Are Caucasians decendents of Arabs ?
Posted: 10/2/2011 12:28:31 PM
Perhaps the original poster was confused by linguistic groups. Iranians are part of the Indo-Europeans along with obviously Europeans. Iranians, however are not Arabs. Arabs are a semitic people, which ironically when they are against the Israels, who are also semitic, calling them anti-semites is sort of saying they're self-loathing.

As for where homo sapiens came from, recent evidence suggest that we interbred with several other close species, such as the homo erectus, neanderthal and the asian denisovians . It seems like our ancestors would have sex with anything that looked remotely compatible. So basically we are the summation of all the different hominids that have existed on Earth.
 
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