Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!


Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 Author Thread: I'm on fire.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 169 (view)
I'm on fire.
Posted: 6/19/2015 6:26:38 PM
Congrats on your "fire".

...and thanks for serving our country.

Be true to you, have fun and be safe.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
Soo..I'm a gf, now what?
Posted: 3/19/2013 11:48:29 AM
Some things to ponder:

Soo..I'm a gf, now what?

What do his friends, family, coworkers say about that...they all know because he's told them right ??

Your profile states:

Marital Status: Not Single and Not Looking; For: Friends


He's super experienced and seems to have all the answers

I'll bet he has all the answers. "not looking" and "friends" implies you are worrying about nothing at this point yet you state you're a gf ?

Sounds like a possible FWB situation that is likely to go nowhere as another poster indicated:

Being in a relationship is a lot like having a conversation. If you're sitting around thinking about where it's going and what you're supposed to do next, the answer is nowhere.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
A woman's prospective would be nice.
Posted: 3/2/2013 3:21:58 PM
Thanks for serving our country.

My grandfather (now passed on) was in D-Day +1 and made it out alive.

The growing liberal culture in the US seems to be leaning toward tolerance of threats toward the US. Worse yet it seems many citizens don't appreciate or even realize how critical the US military was and is to this country. And then we have the illegals that accrue all the benefits of living in this country without being taxed for it like the rest of us., I wouldn't worry what ANYONE thinks about your early "retirement" my friend.

Also, the fact is that the majority of voting women cast their ballet for Obama...Mr. liberal himself.

Further, not only are you former military, but living in a fairly liberal state (didn't WA just legalize same sex marriages?) with a picture of a "bambi killing" gun (notice the mob of liberals currently looking to oppress our right to bear arms lately?) on your profile is likely to turn many local women away...they just won't admit it to your face much less via message.

I however respect active/inactive and former military members and suggest keeping the gun pic on your profile btw as it serves a very great purpose of "scaring" away women that are highly likely NOT your cup of tea.

Once again, thanks for serving and God Bless our forces still stationed overseas in "hot" zones.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
I wasted six months of my life....
Posted: 2/28/2013 3:50:15 PM

Girls pick a guy that they think has potential and that they can change - but they won't.

Simple, but true in many cases.

Thus when the ultimate break-up occurs we hear the pissing and moaning of "it was a waste of time."

Really ? You don't say.

You knew who is was, or should have figured it out, BEFORE you spent all that additional time with him.

That is what pisses off the OP who is (underneath the rough language) simply saying what most are thinking.

Until the good 'ol USA becomes a liberalize socialist party we still have the freedom of choice in relationships.

Walk away and get over it or stop yer belly aching...pick one.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
With a girl who has BDP (borderline personality disorder)
Posted: 2/27/2013 2:59:46 PM

We get into very BAD fights, even physical all provoked by her and ends with her apology and again, begging.

That alone is reason to end it.

If you don't cut her loose you'll most likely end up finding her blaming YOU for the fight. She'll call the cops and YOU'LL be the one to still behind bars after a "physical" confrontation...even if she did HITS you numerous times and/or injures herself while in her blind rage.

Of course, the best part is the cops are likely to believe her NOT you.

I'd wouldn't be surprised if you ever do end up in jail because of her that SHE cries her eyes out apologizing to get you back.

Very dysfunctional situation.

Bail now !
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
The dinner/flower/gift cop out
Posted: 2/27/2013 2:49:53 PM

My Ex husband would 'over' gift at Christmas and Birthdays in order to compensate for not being around or being difficult for the 6 months prior. My friends all thought I had the most generous guy in the world. Personally I would have preferred less temper tantrums.

Lots of good posts that "get it".

Main point is that compensating with material (gifts) or perishable (dinners) things only goes so far to "fix" not being there or otherwise treating your S.O. like crap.

It appears the OP is/has experienced someone that just doesn't have the depth need for a true meaningful relation.

I knew someone that got the same "over" gifting during holidays and other events for years on end. Although the gifts were genuine it was the giver (as a person) that she wanted most. He never came through...they divorced.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
Size vs. Fidelity Correlation?
Posted: 2/25/2013 4:46:12 PM
Guess you could think of it like the three bears:

Too big
Too small
...and just right!

Joking aside, I'll stick with fact that if someone is going to cheat NOTHING really matters anyway as they'll find an excuse to do so no matter what. So, yes, size may have a part in it but not the whole picture. Anyone who outright tells you'd they'd cheat for that reason alone has a fixation...not healthy.

On the other side of the coin I don't see any correlation with the size of her breasts with how I treat her or what I think of her.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
UGH!!!! My 10 year old is starting to lie, should I spare the rod or spoil the child?
Posted: 2/23/2013 2:29:56 PM
13-10 = 3

That is a tremendous age gap for kids in that age group as they are worlds apart in their development. Geez, come to think of it, that can even stretch it in the 17 - 21 age group.

What next ? Will he fell "left out" when one of his "friends" offers him drugs and get hooked ?

Jump on this in a firm but fair manner.

You'll be able to get two birds with one stone...the sex talk (again if you already had it) AND deal out appropriate consequences for the whole lying bit. If I was the girls parents I'd be on your a$$ too.

Sounds like the good Lord gave you a heads up and a chance to set your boy straight before a cop calls or knocks on your door.

Last I knew a minors offenses are charged to the "absentee" parent. Court is NO fun.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 111 (view)
Torn need advice
Posted: 2/22/2013 4:34:23 PM

The only winners in a court fight are the attorneys

...and an egotistical judge who are frequently immune to any discipline for errant, biased rulings. After all, they know most of the attorneys that come before them and engage in "business" outside the courtroom.

Divorce is BIG business...lots of $$$ flying around to "solve" the most basic "issue" being debated over at any given time.

Very rarely does true "justice" get served.

Worst part of it ?

These so called judicial officers all claim whatever they say is "best" for the children.

They don't even KNOW your children.

It's always been and always will be about the money.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
Why do we fall for the guy/girl who hurts us?
Posted: 2/22/2013 4:04:28 PM
Low self-esteem; People pleaser; masochist; passivity; etc...

...take your pick or look up "beaten wife syndrome".

These days (as compared to decades ago) it seems the adrenaline rush and "excitement" is too much to resist thus the boring or "weak" nice guy is constantly showed aside.

instinct tells women at a very subconscious level, despite everything they know about him,

Similar to what happened to OJ not to long after his murder trial...plenty of women wanted to date him.

They actually help create and love the drama of attempting to tame the bad boy.

What is it with women and spending money to talk to someone. Get a BFF already.

Cause the BFF has the same issues (or worse) and they assume the counselor or therapist knows what they are doing. Best mind-screw yet is that many of those professionals lives are a train wreck themselves.

Or an alternate theory is that if one spends money it must garner them great results...right ? LOL.

So guys, next time your date goes on and on about how much of a creep her "ex" was consider it a blessing. You have been given an official heads up to her future behavior. It is likely a clue that after a short time with you she will run right back to him since, after all, she can't stop talking about him.

And, if she doesn't volunteer it might be a good idea to as her " tell me about your ex" and keep your ears open.

Same with a past "on again off again" drama fest.

Steer clear.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
Relationship Wisdom
Posted: 2/19/2013 1:18:20 PM
Yes, I've learned much from watching others.

Relationships are dynamic.

One big wrinkle these days is that there seems to be many more people willing to pound you over the head with their own agenda than a generation ago. And they usually do this when least expected and are quite clever at hiding said agenda until "attack mode" bubbles to the surface.

No matter how much you watch, read or otherwise "educate" yourself on relations sooner or later you gotta have a few school of hard knocks lessons thrown in.

There is some merit to the "been there done that" and "live and learn" mantra.

Similar to war (all is fair in love and war), being at a trial, operating on a live human, driving an 18-wheeler or picking up a golf club vs. seeing it being swung, ACTUALLY doing it is a learning experience all its own no matter how much prior training you've received.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
Best friends is now pal with cheating ex's fiancé
Posted: 2/19/2013 1:04:10 PM

OP: You are 39 years old not 13. You can't tell people who they can and cannot be friends with. All you can do is tell your friend how you feel about it. He gets to do what he wants. (He did not cheat on you...your ex did). You get to decide what behaviour on his part is acceptable or not acceptable to you.

While I agree in principal: could you be any more condescending?
The "advice" given over the internet where keyboard jokeys are able to disassociate themselves with any normal human emotional response is a JOKE. You'd be pissed too. Admit it. It would sting. And it wouldn't result in you giving yourself some platitudes. LOL!

So a sappy "feel good" response would be any better ? That would be a typical band-aid approach that's only going to hurt worse when, rather if, finally ripped off.

Yes, the 39 vs. 13 example is legitimate. Either you accept that or get "offended" by the facts based on OP's apparent willingness to hold on to the drama.

Yes, it stung, and will continue to sting for some time.

"femaleconnection"'s post brings some reality and back-up to this too.

All the players in this issue have showed their hands. So hold 'em or fold 'em and accept that consequences of each move. How long would you sit at the poker table if you were losing hand after hand ? Sounds like OP and his "ex" and "friends" are not likely to see eye to eye ever again.

Distance yourself from it or continue to be a doormat stewing over it which only hurts you more.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
To truthfull..
Posted: 2/18/2013 4:05:52 PM

The term brutally honest is just an excuse to be cruel while disguising your behavior as virtuous. about being honest is being...HONEST! If you want to define it as being cruel then live in that dismal world yourself.

"P-Willikers" sums it up nicely:

When we cater to everyone's insecurities we're f*cking up large...

Oh, so sorry, was that too "honest" for all the liberal "politically correct" clowns out there ??

Look at all the BS Obama spewed in 2008 and then AGAIN in 2012 just to get elected. The 47% club is alive and kicking. To many Americans have fallen prey to the "beaten wife" syndrome...tell them what the want to hear and they be back for more.

Honesty is the death knell of any politician and that philosophy has become woven into the way the general public acts too. Not many can handle the truth.

Proof? Is Obama serving a second term ?

And if you were exceptionally kind and smart, you wouldn't give her validation before she asks for it. You'd tell her that she doesn't need any kind of validation from anyone.... and maybe... just maybe.... she could find some genuine self esteem....

...good one.

Your lack of self esteem is NOT my pet project. If you need validation, go to Macy' something...have your parking ticket stamped (validated)...get back to your car in the parking garage...and...leave!'ve just been "validated."

How about another big picture view for those that missed the main point:

Q: What do you ULTIMATELY get when you appease a terrorist ?
A: YOUR head in a basket !


Appeasing someone to "save" their feelings is a dead end street. When you reach the barrier at the end of that road they will turn the tables on you and scream in your face..."Why didn't you tell me the truth!"


You do what you want, I'm keeping my head out of the basket.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
Oh boy just found out he is a Jehovah
Posted: 2/18/2013 3:13:27 PM

I am not his mommy. He knows how to run his own life I guess. That's just none of my business.

Umm, the writings been on the wall before Jesus' bald lil baby butt graced this Earth.

If it wasn't HIS business there would be no resurrection, no grace, no love...only Satan left as your daddy.

So, it IS your business since time and time again we see that many people can't even "run" their own lives successfully much less keep that garbage out of the lives of everyone they come in contact with.

Kinda fitting, don't you think, since Satan is the worst master "screw-up" ever known.

Like they say, misery loves company so the more souls he can steal under the guise of fooling you into "hiding" your sinful life (ie, "it's no ones business") leads you right where he wants you.

What a pity, humans are soooooo predictable and Satan would have it no other way.

That being the case, daddy Satan already has you half tied up and you don't even realize it. Not believing he exists doesn't make him just go away in case you didn't get the memo.

Good luck with the "none of your business" plan. After all, it worked so well for good 'ol Satan....didnt' it ?!?

Concerning the OP's dilemma:

History proves "Christians" even have trouble with other "Christians" of other denominations within Christianity.

Both of you are not even in the same ball park in this area of life (you are not "religious", he apparently is). In other words, you are either an evolutionist or "spiritual".

So, you're one LARGE step removed from even agreeing where humans even came from. This WILL ultimately cause friction between the two of you as the years go by.

The way you live your life reveals your "world view". Your world view includes what you think is right and wrong, moral and immoral, acceptable and deplorable, etc...

Very few of us would be successful making such a large change in our lives.

And, no one can deny that even "pure" Christian-to-Christian marriages end matching the US average of non-believers divorce rate.

People who want to "see where it goes" are usually disappointed in the end even if one of you "converts."

Another poster gave a good example of a JW and non-believer who eventually split after she "converted" to his side.

My opinion, mixed with some of the facts above, is to find someone "evenly yoked" with your core world view belief system or be prepared for one of you to say years down the road "I can do anything for love, but I won't do THAT!"
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 80 (view)
What do you wish for your ex?
Posted: 2/12/2013 3:53:48 PM

Long term treatment. find true happiness within...not in the world.

...strength to face...demons and stop running.

Amen to the above.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
Friend zoned
Posted: 2/12/2013 3:46:06 PM
OP, in case you didn't get it:

You're in denial because you can't handle rejection of something that struck a chord in your heart. Your gut is lying to you -- and basic common sense 101 is right there.

She does not fancy you. end of story.

Date other people.

If she is beautiful she will have her pick and wont settle for anyone just because he loves her.

You were never" Friend Zoned" in the first place, you are/were acquaintances at best. time someone will come along who will be into you!

You cannot change people's minds about stuff like this.

Meaning of last line:
She is unable to "change" her mind...attraction is not logical. And, no one can force you to change your mind. Either you'll move forward without her or go down in flames making the "moving forward" part take 3 to 4 times longer than it should have in the first place..
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
On and off relationship
Posted: 2/12/2013 3:32:55 PM

And I don't want to throw it away easily because I treasure the friendship... Does that make sense?

And after 4 years you really haven't gotten anywhere anyway with him "getting busy" and disappearing for lengthy periods of time.

What has this 'treasured friend' done for you over the years that is so significant that you can't "lose" ?

It's the oldest trick in the book to claim you want a "friend" or "relationship" yet be too "busy" to even meet as it helps the fantasy continue forever.

Since not one of you has insisted on escalating or parting ways you got yourself a bona fide digital pen pal.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
always trying to please.... I'm a sucker? when do you stop trying?
Posted: 2/10/2013 1:16:11 PM

...ding ding, we're getting warmer. How about being an enabler of said behavior as another solid example.

Enjoy watching a cat chase its tail ?

After the initial amusement it gets annoying and the carpet eventually gets a bald spot as a permanent reminder of the foolishness.

Think this person is a diamond in the rough?

Then determine the "carbon-date" up front so you know how many eons you're in it for all the while knowing your own short clock is ticking...
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
Logic vs Intuition feel free to input anything
Posted: 2/10/2013 12:56:45 PM
Drum roll please:

Alas young woman are very unpredictable.

Corey, you sound like a kid who is badly infatuated with a girl.

1)its easy to misuse logic in order to rationalize why you should try something enjoyable. ask anyone on a diet :) 2) you fell for her fast.

YOU stated:
This girl is stuck on my mind because I care about her for one, and part of my mind is actively trying to seek out how she is. It's kind of an unknown thing.

Walts stated:
You think TOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!

Indeed, the paralysis of analysis.

Research what happens to your brain when you "fall in love". Do PLENTY of research. This will help you understand a few things you don't seem to be acknowledging in your posts.

Been there, done that. Dated someone, but I broke up with them and still couldn't get her off my mind for 2 solid years! When I reached out to her, she hadn't changed and neither did the reason I left her in the first place! What a waste of 2 solid years.

Yes, "what a waste" is my sentiments.

Took me under five minutes to string the above together for you. See the pattern or not ? Resistance is futile...facts are facts.

Pursue that "siren song" at your peril.

You're at risk of getting "voted off the island" as arguing with advice that you asked for sours to the point of "pity me" posting.

Good luck.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
Am I just a sucker???
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:59:46 PM

Some people are addicted to watching soap operas, and some people are addicted to living in one.

Actually, for many people they are one in the same.

Look how popular reality TV is. People absorb that garbage by injecting the "excitement" into their lives. You know, "party like a rock star" syndrome. They want to be "someone" else.

everyone deserves to be treated with respect, empathy and compassion when in a relationship.

One "deserves" to be treated as one allows others to treat them.

Screaming for your "rights" and playing the victim role is a losing left-wing strategy that can be seen playing out in all it's glory by the famed "47%" club that revealed themselves this last election cycle.

"Gimme this, gimme that"..."i want what "they" have" is their war cry.

Good luck when the $$ is gone and the handouts disappear as there will be nothing left to cry for.

Trying to control others is ultimately a losing battle.
Source: Psyche 101.

How many times do we have to hear "why won't he/she stop cheating on me".

Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
G.U. 'Geographically Undesirable'
Posted: 2/7/2013 9:36:17 AM

I tend to stick out like a sore thumb in a very bad way out here.

And I'll second the OTP theory...pretty solid. Also, AZ (and Gilbert itself) has its own culture.

Further, I was attracted to heavy metal in high school and thereafter. However, although I felt the energy (knew the words, knew the instrumentals, knew who was with what band) I did not embrace the trappings (long hair, tattoos, dark cloths, etc) of the culture.

No harm no foul. I got along with the "A" students as well as the "rockers" and other alternate groups.

NOTE: This is not a "high school" thing. It is a presentation of one self. Heck, I even have a "bad boy" pic on my profile (the inner "rocker" is still there).

Point being that despite hearing the "true love" has no "boundaries" the reality does. LTR's tend to fizzle out. For those that are able to make it work, more power to them. Still, history proves otherwise.

And of course you have kids involved. They will influence who is willing to invest time in you no matter how great they are.

Bless them nonetheless.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
Should there be fighting in a relationship
Posted: 2/7/2013 9:11:41 AM

seems to make them angrier when you don’t “fight back”

...enter the drama King or Queen. They thrive off the adrenalin rush. If you put up with it you are accepting it as normal.

I've only had one relationship where those techniques didn't work, because she didn't want them to. If that's the case, run.

Beginning to see the pattern ? The above are from two separate posts yet they have an all too common thread. Usually one party is the instigator. They usually blame the other for "leaving them" to which I would say, "Yes, I am leaving, why stay and drown in your poison?"

My parents never ever EVER argued in front of us. Not once. I'm guessing my mother just gave in or "no fighting in front of the children" was a value they found important. I'd never even heard them say even one comment that was close to derogatory about each other.

...good start but they really weren't hiding anything since, unless they are award winning actors, there was virtually no way the average individual can hide negative body language such as the cold shoulder or other moody after-shocks of "keeping it all in". Sure, they could have fought when you kids weren't around but there was likely "spill over" (tension, bitterness, etc.) into the family relations.

Don't fool yourself, there is no insulation from dysfunction other than not being involved (both directly or indirectly) with it .
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/5/2013 4:00:03 PM
Wait and be forever labeled a "door mat" in his mind.

Worse yet, within several months or so with this guy if you so choose, you will be back where you are now with him...disappearing act reincarnated and then a "It was going so good...what happened?" post from you.

...and the wheel keeps on turning.

Don't give him the time of day.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
In a relationship would you be ok for your girl to go out with a male friend you don't know?
Posted: 2/5/2013 3:47:04 PM
Regardless of additional info, possible troll post or other speculation, let us examine what has been stated in the reply post:

We have been going out for 5 years.. I bought her an engagement ring for valentines day I thought we had a good relationship.

"Exclusive" or not, differing expectations between the two of them or not, one would figure that sometime well before five years either one to these people would not reasonably expect to continue an honest relation whilst harboring secrets...but that's just me is seems.

Guess she saved me from future grief.

No matter who may have been "reading" the relation incorrectly as committed, casual or otherwise, I second the notion of ending the needless smoke-and-mirror cover-ups that appear to have occurred between the OP's and his "ex."

There is a reason people avoid commitments for so long...they're NOT interested.

In this case, "why buy the pig when the sausage is free ?"
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
Program File issues....
Posted: 2/4/2013 3:43:50 PM that certainly is an answer to the "Why" I originally posted.

Seems like IE has their claws in the OS doesn't it. By design ?

Guess I should have known that they'd include a browser of their choice woven into the OS to the point where deleting that particular browser folder would fowl the system somehow.

LOL. That's like changing the alternator on your car from OEM to another brand and the car's central processor then cutting the circuit to the starter as a penalty.


Thanks for the warning spazx.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
Would you be upset if your SO did this?
Posted: 2/4/2013 3:14:26 PM
Similar to many other threads of similar topic.

KISS theory:

An ex is an ex is an ex...keep it that way.


As for all the "advice" he was giving out to the other ladies...was it "pro bono" (even though you didn't say he was an attorney) or did he get something in return?

What made him such an eager beaver to "help" these women ?

Make one wonder doesn't it ?
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
Program File issues....
Posted: 1/26/2013 10:18:11 PM
Thanks for what seemed to be a solution but here is what happened:

Unlocked installed but did not work as advertised.

The short "read me" file (as well as the simple and short instructions on the download manager page) stated that all one has to do is right click on the culprit file, select "unlocker" and the folder/file should disappear. right clicking on a folder/file (any one of many I chose) did not even give unlocker as an option.

Despite unchecking a plethora of add-on's during the download and install process Control Panel showed about 5 junk programs loaded on my computer as a result of the unlocker download and install.

After about 35-45 minutes of spinning wheels I'm back to where I started from.

Downloaded unlocker twice with same results.

As of this posting there were about 30 views of the original post. Seems this dilemma is too tough nut to crack as no other opinions or options have been offered.

Thanks anyway.

P.S. The best part ? Windows is now refusing to delete the unlocker folder (in Program Files) too.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
Program File issues....
Posted: 1/26/2013 12:34:58 PM
Greetings all,

First off, thanks to all who have freely given great advice on this forum.

Now, to the point:

Upon the advice given in another thread to a different poster, I dumped IE for Chrome...great results (it's quick and eliminated "stalls" with IE).

After ensuring Chrome was working and effective, I proceeded to uninstall IE via Control panel. While there I also uninstalled HP (old hewlett packard printer).

Both IE and HP remained in Program Files (drive C).

Trying to delete either IE or HP folders (logged in as administrator) in Program Files caused the following:

"destination folder access denied" dialog box came up
"you need to confirm this operation" verbiage
clicking "continue" yielded "User Access Control" dialog box
clicking "continue" here yielded warning that removing IE or HP files could cause programs not to work (great...I don't want nor does a computer require IE and HP files to operate).
clicking "yes" here only starts the loop of dialog boxes (back to "destination folder access denied") again.

Note: I was successful deleting many individual files within the HP folder yet the remaining files and HP master folder will NOT allow deletion. Many of the remaining files are .dll and .mui in the IE folder. The IE master folder will not allow deletion either.

When attempting the above I had no other programs/files running (verified by Task Manager) and was even isolated (no internet browser running) to proactively avoid conflicts.

Rebooted many times and retried the above deletion attempts several times. No joy.

Obvioulsy, HP and IE are not required (system files) to operate any computer so how can I get rid of these folders and their inclusive files ?

Why do you think the OS (MSWindows) "protects" these files from being deleted ?

What am I missing ?

Thanks for all opinions and guidance in advance !
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
Self Esteem Boost?
Posted: 1/22/2013 3:26:21 PM

This is why I was frustrated with Eharmony over 10 years ago when I was new to online dating.

I did not even bother with Eharm at all (several years ago...not 10).

It was like the Soviet Union of dating.

How true. Trying in analyze and set people up via paperwork is not how attraction works.

Spoken in authentic cold war Russia accent:

"Show me your papers!" LOL

Wish I had kept the link to an article that revealed the controlling manner in which their system works. It also revealed that despite the "feel good" marketing by that white haired guy in their adds there is no VALID evidence to back up their claims of "matching up" more long term relations better than any over dating sites.

There was also a forum (may have been on POF) that had a vast majority of posters giving Eharm a overall thumbs down rating.

If you recall Eharm's ads and promises, their biz plan and marketing were weighted toward trusting women who were all to eager to loosen their purse strings in search of "love".

Many customers got frustrated. Guess they thought a slickly packaged "dating site"; high price of admission and "structured" process was the "honey" that would attract quality "bees" yielding "true love" ??


I'm on both Match and POF. I see many of the same people on both sites. Matter of fact, some of the same people have approached me on both sites!

And that POF'ers is my point.

Seems all fish eventually swim the POF pond at one point of another.

Wouldn't surprise me if several dating sites have the same parent company or "silent/passive" investors.

Think about it...
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
Trust issues... Who and what...
Posted: 1/22/2013 3:08:10 PM
Seems to me that you are have the perception (by her) that there may be a "chance" with her even though she has a BF (does not matter if he doesn't help her...she uses you for that yet goes to bed with him at night).

Not saying she is flirting with ya but the two of you are communicating.

May be that she is over you, trying to make her new beau or you jealous or simply playing with you.

she lied to me about this guy for some reason and when I caught her in the lie she clammed up.

I personally would not have let five months linger on with that issue.

She knows that other BF or not, cover up with the "friend" or not you'll still be creepin' round her door for attention.

Speaks volumes that she clams up...what other skeletons are rattling in that closet ?

Too much pullin' teeth for me.


Taking back your ex is like buying your own stuff at a garage sale...

...couldn't have said it better.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
3D HDMI Cable
Posted: 1/21/2013 5:21:17 PM
Cables for A/V equipment have always been a major profit center for retail sales.

Search "monster cable" on YouTube and you'll see a past documentary catching a former Monster CEO do his best to keep hype alive.

As other posters have stated, you really don't need large gauge; gold pated or other "special" cable for home use.

Audio equipment manufactureres are also notorious for publishing performance numbers that are way off since no goverment or other truely independent instituion regulates or otherwise enforces this extensive puffing.

Save your money as HDMI is yet another cable beseagued by the same sales tactics.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
When to forgive someone's faults?
Posted: 1/21/2013 3:49:16 PM

The 2 men you describe do not have "flaws" they have a total lack of respect for you.

The above is a nutshell in the nutshell. Simple and to the point.

Just because these guys have other "good/great" qualities does not make up for disrespect in my view.

I am to the point where I'd only like to date the bad time management guy, but then again....

I'd stick with the "...but then again..." and not look back.

Like another poster said, you'll eventual but surely resent this behaivor over time and God forbid it gets worse after wasting month upon month with this guy only to say "I should have moved on long ago". Again, he may be "nice" but that is not enough in my opinion...lots of "nice" guys out there.

Also, you've already got a nick-name ("bad time management guy") for this guy that is the opposite of endearing.

Remember that REO song ? It's time for you to "fly". Enough of a "...worn out relation..." before it really ever began.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 54 (view)
What's the real problem? Tired of banging my head..
Posted: 1/17/2013 2:27:30 PM

but I'm just tired of beating a dead horse now

Ding ding ding...we have a winner !

Dead beat tired of the same old path ?

Time to go "off road" and find another.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
Initial spark or lack thereof?
Posted: 1/16/2013 3:51:52 PM
Demi "tamed" Bruce (known to many as "the" $$$ bad boy) then broke it off for the cougar thang only to have her boy toy get some younger tail behind her back.

Is anyone surprised ??

All those relations were doomed from the start given the motive of one or both parites involved. They were in it for the "spark"...not the person. These "love" affairs were clearly on shaky short term ground from the start.

We see these mistakes continually repeated generation after generation yet continue asking why ?!?

Initial "spark" is a sprint. A true loving and long lasting relation is a marathon. Marathons take dedication and work to maintain.

Since the average American marriage lasts only about 3-4 years (hardly a ripple in the pond) their seems little interest in committing to a partner.

If you two are not making each other a priority soon I'd call it off.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
When is it time to hang it up?
Posted: 1/4/2013 3:52:43 PM
Regardless of who you are or what your true character is, be prepared to have others form their perception of you based strickly on how you present yourself via dress code.

Not fair but that is the way it is.

Remember not too far back in American history when virtually all those of a certain ethnic group were judged by the color of their skin ? Took a long time for that to get "fixed". Besides Michael Jackson do you know of any large number of peopel that had the means to "change" their skin color ?

Now go WAY back in history and you'll recall that even a humble Jesus was persecuted (in part) by what he wore. The corrupt and moral void "religious leaders" of his day dressed to "the nines" and defined themselves by material possession, power and yes, their wardrobe.

"Geeks" get harrassed for having no fashion savvy while "street walkers" get whistled and hissed at for dressing provacatively.

So yes, wear what you with the fallout if any.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
What is a break?
Posted: 12/28/2012 4:02:09 PM
Seems to me "breaks" usually give one party an east "out".

Further, "breaks" seem to allow the requesting party to play-the-field in hopes of replacing (or supplementing) the party left in "limbo".

Not my style.

Don't like me ? There's the door. No time for pretenders or flip/floppers.

OP, seems you're a carpenter which means you need to "change the lock" and/or shut this door (Ms. Miami) and find and/or build a new one to walk through.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
I think she's stealing from me...
Posted: 12/28/2012 11:25:21 AM
Blu-Rays are but one source to support the booze and most likely blow habit. Of course, she'll make up lie after lie even with booze breath and/or the eventual white mustache.

Hey, someones got to fund her fun.

How much time do you want to spend on this issue ? Check you local Craigs List classifed ads, pawn shops, flea markets or better yet her place. Could even be in her car providing for easy access during a street sale.

"Loose cannon" signs and seals it for me.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
Quite the story---Need Advice
Posted: 12/21/2012 4:17:19 PM
Sounds just like a convenience store:

Easy to just walk in a pick up what you like very quickly. However, you'll "pay" more.

Further, trying to give up that "convenience" is difficult for most people as you discovered.

So, next time "shop" at your local retail outlets for a longer lasting and more realistic experience.

Don't get metaphors ?

Read between the lines.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
is she planning on cheating.. tuballigation
Posted: 11/29/2012 2:55:23 PM
Adding fuel to the fire... do you know those kids are really yours ?

Even if they are, stick a fork in your "relationship" was over long ago.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
Is this a deal breaker for most women?
Posted: 11/12/2012 9:51:42 AM
Gotta agree with Cowboy on this one (resistance to high maintenance gal; have modest $ hobbies yourself).

Nonetheless, you can do all the right things and your S.O. will still find a reason to complain or bolt.

I spent much time with my kids vs. hanging out in bars, sitting on my azz or partaking in any other distraction that would unfairly steal time from family. In fact, I was so good with the kids that the soon to be ex became jealous to the point of ignoring the family and serving divorce papers without ANY discussion about alleged "problems".

Of course, she waited until we had a house, spent money on vacations and other items before filing false accusations against me (which she soon withdrew) within those papers. Naturally, she used the children as pawns throughout the entire divorce process.

Many guys these days are going to do what they want after witnessing stories like mine. So, does it really matter if it's a "deal breaker" to her ???

Like cowboy said, what is SHE blowing all her money on ?

Your RC toys are likely to stay around for a long time with maintenance. Her nail, hair and other expenses recur month-in-month-out with no potential $$ return. Unless she's "hooking" there is no "value" or ROI in her expenses while you can always trade-in or otherwise sell you RC toys.

"Sad but true." - Metallica
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
My ex fiance
Posted: 11/12/2012 9:23:02 AM
Sounds like it's "all in the family"...ex's keeping track of ex's.

Seems no one wants to let go of a past flame just in case the embers flare up again.

This ex-FIANCE left you for a lame reason and she's keeping you hooked. IMO, this reeks of a weak personality and I'd want nothing to do with it. In fact, three prior women wanted to remain in contact with me and I politely refused. Dating someone else takes priority and guarantees no trouble.

Sure, this ex of yours could have good intentions of being just a "friend" but if that was the case she wouldn't be contacting you so often. If I were to even entertain this idea, it would be a few months gap between "updates".

Most people won't admit that it's a ego booster to have ex's constantly "checking in" with them. By responding to her you're "leaving the door open" no matter how much you wish to deny it. And no, I didn't miss the point that your current gf supposedly doesn't mind this back and forth banter because, after all, SHE is not letting go of her ex either.


Trees = texting
Forest = attachment to ex

In order to see the forest for the trees, get your head out of your phone.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
Do you think...
Posted: 11/11/2012 4:45:29 PM
@ daynadze:
Good to see you are still with us. Your response gives us much to think about. Waking up, to you, is not a surprise anymore since you've made it through "the valley" so many times. The fear or "sting" of death does not hold you hostage. You sound at peace already despite looming "doom" in the eyes of others.

The attitude of gratitude is've got've shared it...we get it. Thanks.

Some other thoughts:

Guess you could look at it as if you were asked "How much water is in that glass?" Many folks will answer half-full which may hint at their outlook on life overall...they may not expect much.

Another poster mentioned "balance". A life thought of in "abundance", not limits (even though we live in a world full of rules), is fulfilling. So, if you feel you have not "lived fully" the news of limited time on the clock will certianly hit you hard. Counter that with "balance."

Yet another poster tells of Jesus' knowledge of his ultimate death on the cross...literally being penalized for OUR sins. Wow, that is heavy. Despite the fact that we are all sining beings, we are told by our Heavenly Father to have Faith (believe) and to spread this good Word to the world...that we will not be alone...we are counted...we are loved...his Grace to us is OUR salvation paid for by Him. If God is for us, who can be against us ? Answer: no one.

One poster tells of the "Saw" series psychology and the countdown mentality. That gets attention for some too. I actually closed my eyes, took a sip of water, took the time to actually "taste" it and thanked the Lord. Truely enlightening.

Personally, I would prefer to do my best to convince myself that the declaration of a "drop dead" date was a bluff. I mean, if the Lord wants me he'll punch my clock when He decides (without warning). Otherwise, no mortal man is going to scare me since a "death" sentence by him virtually guarantees eternal life for me anyway.

Overall, sure, I'd most likely fine tune my life to ensure time was not "wasted" but don't believe it would be worth it to rush around trying to pack every minute with "worthwhile" activies according to this world. Being the proverbial chicken with the head cut off would ruin it for me.

In summary, Jesus conquered the grave, I have Faith in what do I really have to fear but fear itself.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
Confidence is batterd
Posted: 11/10/2012 12:30:56 PM
sounds like you were the summer least until the other guy snapped her up for the finale.

An ex is an ex...let her go.

Dream about "reconnecting" with her at your own peril. That would be a major distraction and ultimate setback for you at this point.

Other posters are never had strong confidence if this gal has you "battered" now.

So, find the courage to go up to the hottest gals you can find, initiate contact, see how long you can keep their interest, don't care about the outcome, dismiss THEM if you sense any "better than you" vibe. Sound impossible ? Search "David Wygant" and see what you learn.

Wash/rinse/ repeat until the summer lover is a distant memory AND you've got some swagger to not worry about being "battered" again.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
Right Approach?
Posted: 11/10/2012 10:40:26 AM
No matter what you try to do, your true temporary insecurity will be sensed by women no matter how good you think you're "covering it up".

Reread your own two posts...plenty of wavering and "not sure" vibe oozing.

Of course, don't be a hermit but jumping back in with both feet right now is certainly a band-aid approach that will be painful to rip off later.

The very fact you started you post with thoughts of the ex mixed with focusing on the trees (vs. forest) of internet dating is quite telling.

However, most people ignore reality and want to move on to the next one as quick as possible then wonder why it falls apart under the veil of "it won't happen to me" mantra.

If you choose to blast forward, in your current state, be certain to emphasize to the ladies that it's all for fun for expectations means no hurt feelings.

Good luck
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
Service Men
Posted: 11/9/2012 7:34:31 AM
Oh my...An Officer And a Gentleman.

Seems many are wrapped up in the image and appeal of having a sweetie "serviceman" only to run for the hills or otherwise abandon their "sweetie" when the other side of the coin flips "unexpectedly".

Need a "companion"...get a pet. They'll love you no matter how you treat them (your failings).

Oh, one more point. Luckily, I believe Federal law requires that you be with your "serviceman" (militarily speaking) for 20 years if you want to get ANY of the pension. No short term cut and run on that account.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 61 (view)
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 11/9/2012 7:21:05 AM
Despite the "warm fuzzies" that the rush of emotions bring to OP's new "love", overall, statistically, this type of situation fizzles out.

If it works, more power to you...just know the odds are slim it will turn into a LTR.

Being from Vegas I've got to say that when you bet (and that is what most decisions in life are) you must be prepared to leave the table with nothing. Ready for that ??

Further, if you get over the shock value of Boondock's comments you'll see the truth behind it, although brutal as it is. Ignore at your peril.

These types of arrangements are usually temporary landing zones for both parites involved. It's a built in comfort zone before one of you leaves the "nest" after wondering "what were we thinking".

Be sure to give us an update @ 6 months and @ 1 year.

Hopefully you beat the odds.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
Posted: 11/8/2012 4:50:04 PM
"Msholiday" gave you a good start OP. It's not necessarily what you say but how you say it that can make all the difference.

Further, I would bet you seek approval from women (especially those you like) subconsciously. This is a turn off for most women (otherwise known as being "nice and sweet").

No matter how attractive you are, if there is no substance (confidence, swagger) beneath the "sizzle" you're likely to continue striking out with the ladies.

Lastly, you most likely failed their "test". If she threw you off guard by whining and getting her way instantly or made you change your mind because she didn't like what you said you exposed yourself as a softy...a wimp.

Women need men to be men.

Eat more spinach, get back out there and good luck !
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
Motorcycles and Deal-breakers...
Posted: 11/8/2012 4:06:35 PM
What is really interesting is those that seek out men/women based on what car they drive...yet they don't single that out as we've seen here concerning motorcycles.

Plenty of men are literally "married" to their cars. It's American culture...the love affair with the automobile.

Motorcycles are simply an extension of that.

Take away the bike and they'll find something else to worship. So true.

Did you know that many who follow the Harley lifestyle are well-to-do ? They go on road trips dressed in black leather only to don a suit and tie for the office during the week.

The Harley lifestyle hasn't been exclusively to the blue collar domain for quite some time now.

An quess what ?

The more women chase after a summer of bike riding you'll see more men idolizing them.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
Whats mine is mine and whats yours is ours
Posted: 11/7/2012 4:52:26 PM
Sounds like the foundational creed of divorce court.

What's "...yours is ours" is usually divided between the attorney and your soon to be ex.

**Since the election is over (Obama clearly won the "gender battle" votes) be wary if you're male, have kids and your wife's mood changed recently... ;-)

P.S. Did you hear the ruling on Hulk Hogan's divorce ?? Interesting reading as it appears his wife was credited with creating the lions share of his wrestling empire...hmmm.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
Keeping on top of your game...? How do YOU do it?
Posted: 8/7/2012 5:01:51 PM
LOL...whiskey...true to the extent it certainly "loosens" one up. Good one "Walts". Reminds me of the fraternity days when "liquid courage" actually did help...albiet temporarily.

OP, you relate that more "down" days have occured since you've been on POF.

I would venture to quess POF is not the source of your's a convenient scapegoat. One's outlook is the prime suspect.

Further, I would NOT cancel a date simply because you feel you're not "at your best". What would the world be like if professional athletes told fans "...we're going to forfeit since we just don't feel 'up to it' today..." or an attorney called the judge stating "...I'm not really up to trial today..."

Sorry...not going to happen.

Life is life. So, unless you're actually ill, go on the date with the intention of being content and guiding the other person toward opening up. They will sense this, especially women, and things will go as best as can be expected.

Don't fall into the trap of letting exterior events define your life. That is a fatalist mentality which leads to excuses which can lead to, worst case, depression.

NO ONE can stay "on top" consistently. Just look to history (politics, sports, friends, companies, etc) for plenty of examples.

Feel you stumble too often ? Change your routine ever so slightly and as much as required to feel "back on it" again.
Show ALL Forums