Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

          

Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 149 (view)
 
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 7:35:03 AM
If you mean my standards going from how can I help/love this person to is this a mutually loving/enhancing relationship, yes my standards have gone up.
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/1/2012 7:10:06 AM
Well this is refreshing to hear OP...I would think that the men you are meeting are being respectful of you. You hear so many women complain about men wanting to rush things I would not worry about it.
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
regaining my confidance
Posted: 1/1/2012 7:00:59 AM
First, thank you for serving your country.

My personal view is there will always be someone smarter, funnier, more beautiful, skinnier etc. But I am special and unique. So it is just a matter of finding someone that appreciates "me".

Now if you are not working right now and your self esteem is a little off you may try volunteering. You can put that on your resume and it also shows someone that you are willing to do for others. Always a good quality...While you are searching for a job you may also want to change your self talk....to a more positive outlook...I am going to find a job, go over your good qualities in your mind. You do have something to offer the world and a date you just have to believe that you do.
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Dating Day preferences
Posted: 1/1/2012 6:48:10 AM
My schedule can be erratic at times so if available I like during the week when the kids are in school. Lunch is always nice.
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Do The Holidays Cut into Your Dating, Mating, Relating Action
Posted: 1/1/2012 6:42:55 AM
I would expect that during the holidays someone would be a little less available if they have family and friends. That would let me know they have people in their life that love and care for them. They could still have plans with you but it may not be in your short timeframe. You can still stay in touch by phone if you want. If she is not available for weeks at a time I would say she is just not into you...
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Umm wow, k thanx bye
Posted: 1/1/2012 6:32:55 AM
Ah the dating world....really is simple....run don't walk to the nearest exit and as someone else said good thing you found out so quickly she was a little nuts.
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
New Year's Eve Date
Posted: 1/1/2012 6:22:06 AM
I try to spend New Year's Eve the way I want the year to go...So I would not go on the date.
But whatever you decided, Happy New Year!
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
'Meet Me' feature and how girls use it
Posted: 12/27/2011 7:47:43 PM
I don't respond to any of the emails I get from the meet me people...I would at least like you to write a sentence or two and say hi....
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Special Needs kids; to say or not to say?
Posted: 12/27/2011 7:38:17 PM
I don't mention it initially. I feel like we are getting to know eachother at the early stages. I am very involved in the special needs community and that would naturally come up in conversation.That is where I will explain very briefly about my daughter. I have never had someone run for the hills after I told them. Hopefully at this stage of the game I can pick men who are compassionate and loving.

I did have a first date where the subject never came up and when we left the restaurant he walked me to my car. I had my daughter's crutches and walker in the car so he asked oh did something happen to one of the kids. I just looked down and kinda chuckled to myself and told him...He was fine with it...
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
WHAT IF? -The last hour
Posted: 11/5/2011 4:02:37 PM
Where do you come up with these questions? Don't you want to start out a little light hearted?
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
First Get TOGETHER in Northen New Jersey, August 26, 2011
Posted: 8/11/2011 10:03:50 AM
Looking forward to this. Have not been to a POF get together since last summer.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/7/2010 2:59:42 PM
I don't know WHY you want to spend so much time and energy arguing with your x about a total of $400 . You should turn it all over to the x and let him handle that for his son. You can always start an account for your son in your name with f/b/o your son's name.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
I sometimes ask myself why?
Posted: 12/12/2009 3:24:33 PM
What he is doing is called hoovering....Keeping you dancing on a string. No Contact is the only way to go. Do not respond to him at all. You may want to take some time for yourself just to get over this relationship before trying to move onto another.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:58:13 PM
The kids are with me Christmas day so I always paid for the Santa gifts, wrapped and put them under the tree. X would buy presents also. My kids asked me once why I didn't get them any presents for Christmas and I said Mom was in charge of food, shelter and clothing. This past year my kids found out the truth about Santa. They both looked at me and said so MOM you bought all those presents???? I busted out laughing....Yes and I also ate the Chrismas cookies that you left for Santa also....

Make your life easy and buy the gifts. It will be much more peaceful that way.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Visitation: Dos and Don'ts
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:47:50 PM
I know you are concerned about your children. You can convey those concerns to your x but not in front of the kids. It is x's time so what he does with the information is up to him.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Am I wrong?
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:44:18 PM
Seems like you and your daughter are happy with the way things are...why change it?
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Ok, here is a question.
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:24:10 PM
You need to looking into a babysitter for before and after school. Many of us work long hours and have to pay for babysitters or before and aftercare until the children are old enough and can handle being alone for a time.

I hope you have a babysitter for when they get home because you are away to long for them to be alone. Have the babysitter meet the bus.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Not a parent ... but welcome the advice
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:09:18 AM
Waiting for the kids to go off to college in 8-10 years is not my idea of short term. You have seen how he deals with HIS children. It is up to you to decide if you can live like that....Good luck
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
JULY 5TH BBQ WITH KARAOKE & DANCING
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:25:46 PM
Had a good time meeting some fishies!!!
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
What the heck are grits?
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:55:32 PM
Thanks I never knew what grits were...
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
So I got a number what do I do now.
Posted: 6/27/2009 4:28:47 PM
I am just wondering if you called yet...
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 136 (view)
 
Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:35:25 AM
I believe some people just cannot handle situations like special needs kids, care of elderly parents etc. Some people can and then there are those unique people in the world that handle it with grace.I cannot fault someone for being in the first category.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 110 (view)
 
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 5/10/2009 10:17:34 AM
Happy Mother's Day to all the Special Needs Moms out there. You are doing an awesome job.
I have a d with cerebral palsy. She is 11 and a great kid. We are working on getting her a service dog. I am more excited about getting a dog than trying to find a date. Ahhh...the things we will do for our kids.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 5/10/2009 10:06:09 AM
Yes a thank you is appropriate. If she does not say that I tells you something about her. Your choice to keep dating or not.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 5/10/2009 10:00:42 AM
If you had a good time on the first date at the end of that date ask her for a second date. Let us know how that strategy works!!
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
High Conflict Divorce Venting
Posted: 1/28/2009 7:14:24 AM
You can only control what you do or say.....Whatever her issues she is the Mother of your children. I have seen posts (a number of them) of how mean, etc she is....we all get that and unfortunately that is your situation....It is what it is and you cannot do anything about it but continue to stay away/out of conflict with her.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Picking up/ dropping off disagreement
Posted: 11/21/2008 10:26:21 AM
It would be easiest to specify this in the divorce agreement...I don't agree with many poster above about he picks her up then you go get her after visitation....I don't know what your custody/physical/joint is but it sounds like you have physical which means all other driving...to lessons, friends etc....I think it is the dad's responsibility to pick up drop off...
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Holidays and the ex
Posted: 11/4/2008 9:47:13 AM
The visitation schedule that was established for us was he has them Christmas eve and I on Christmas. Before the divorce the kids "loved" the big breakfast on Christmas morning thing with dad putting the toys together. We had a rocky divorce relationship at first but I wanted the Christmas tradition to remain the same for the kids. So every Christmas morning the x comes about 6-7am to be here when the kids wake up and his parents come around 8am and we all have a big breakfast together. They leave around 11am and I get set for my family and friends to come at 1pm.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
This may be venting but....
Posted: 10/31/2008 7:11:44 PM
Groan.....I am a woman of few words....
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
my boyfriend gives his kids everything they want
Posted: 10/31/2008 6:52:39 PM
You and your boyfriend have a different parenting style. Is this something you can live with or is this issue big enough to move on to someone more likeminded. I am sure there are many more differences and now is the time to explore them and see if a compromise can be reached or do you step back or do you leave.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/31/2008 6:46:50 PM
This is the easiest question I have ever encountered on this forum....In a word No....Such a simple word....NO
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How to get past the fear of rejection
Posted: 10/26/2008 4:44:40 PM
By your own stats (which are not bad by the way) 90% rejection so try this:

Ask out 100 women...
you already know 90 will say no for one reason or another (just get past these 90)
and 10 will have at least one date with you.....
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Stocks seriously down globally.
Posted: 10/6/2008 4:38:49 PM
The price of gold looked pretty nice today.
Buy low sell high
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:46:36 AM
Thanks for the laughs....This thread was very entertaining....Sorry to hear about some of the dates but the fact that you are still on POF shows you can get knocked down but if you want something badly enough you can keep getting back up....

I wish you all terrific dates!!!!
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Would you reject someone because of something in their profile?
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:32:48 AM
I avoid the profiles that say Love the outdoors....I like being outdoors and love the beach or being on a boat but if love the outdoors means camping, hiking for days then I am not the woman for you...

Now if you mean the great outdoors with the grill going and having drinks in the backyard then I am right there with you!!


 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:25:33 AM
Yes, I want a red hot romance and I won't settle for less.....The stuff movies are made of...
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Must love Dogs- Dog lovers walk - 20th Sept
Posted: 9/19/2008 4:38:27 PM
My first thought was NJ also...ah....so close.....
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
My sister told me it's awkward
Posted: 8/9/2008 6:00:54 PM
Just my two cents...but I would think your sister is secure in your love for her....You have proved that to her time and time again. Unfortunately, she is still looking for her mom to love her like that and she will probably try anything to get that love. Unfortunately your mom is someone that can never be as wonderful as you are...

It is not right but give her time....
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
she stayed until she met someone at least
Posted: 8/9/2008 5:52:42 PM
Your ex must have lost her mind....You are going to have to be there 100% for those girls....Obviously counseling for them as suggested above and conseling for you....you must be pretty angry and they will pick up on that...
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Need advice from parents of children with disabilities
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:08:30 AM
Hi, My daughter has cerebral palsy and walks with a walker or crutches which makes her very "visible". We would go to the park, pool and people always stared at her. I taught her to engage people (which you child may not be able to do) and talked about having cp with her, her feeling about being different etc.

At 3 1/2 she was in a out of district school for special needs children. She had the opportunity to see and interact with other kids with disabilities so she "knew" she was not the only one in the world. I would also have her watch shows on TV about disabled people that are doing incredible things despite their disability. I keep reinforcing how smart, beautiful and unique she is...

In the area of physically doing things...she goes to the park and to the community pool and many other activities. She wants to do things other kids do so to the maximum extent possible I find a way to make that happen. I have gotten many accommodations at amusement parks, waterparks, our community pool by talking with the director or staff so I can allow her to do things as safely as possible and like other kids do them.

In the area of schooling....Remember you are your child's best advocate and you know your child best. You did not mention what the school is doing about her communication needs one being a communication board or Assistive Technology. My daughter was taught some sign language and so was I so she could communicate before she could speak...The issue of fine motor skills was there to do this so do not know if this is an option. A big thing here I see from your post is she needs to communicate in a way you will understand so she can express herself. You should be up the district's butt to get this in place it will help both of you. Also the evaluations the district did on your daughter....There are certain tests that may not be the best for kids with cp...you may want to look into independent educational evaluations at district expense in ALL areas of her disability. I have some great websites and forums that you can get so much info on...

Ok well I have gone on long enough...also check out your local ELKS organization they run special needs programs may be one district office near you.

If you need additional information please do not hesitate to send me a message. We special needs parents need to stick together !!!!
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
An observation?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:06:47 AM
I was thinking about this recently OP...Others seem to have so many interests and activities compared to them I seem boring. I have put "my" interest on the backburner for now while raising children. I do not have much time on a weekly basis or a large discretionary income to try/do many things I would like ie travel more, buy a motorcycle, take dance lessons, go boating, go scuba diving...But all will be in my future.

I understand exactly what you mean...It is not about the choices we have made but how those choices have affected our personal desires.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:55:11 PM
Did not read all the posts but your son is already on medication...
Do you see the same behaviors at home?
Have you discussed with the school different ways to help him with attention/appropriate behaviors/times. Do some research online I
would not leave it up to the school to make accommodations. You may
have to go in after researching He needs a daily planner etc.

What do you think? Do you think there are issues?Or is it your son
is bored in class/teacher is not creative etc?
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
What would you do? Parents are over 3 hours late
Posted: 6/8/2008 8:14:30 AM
There would be no more playdates or sleepovers with that kid.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
i need some advice from anyone please HELP!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:57:24 PM
Sorry to hear about your children's dad not stepping up to the plate. Unfortunately as other posters have said the only one you can control is you. So get some counselling for yourself to deal with the emotions and contact some agencies to see if services are available for your little ones. We have Division of Developmental Disabilities here in the states that offers respise among other programs.

Yes, and you need to contact an attorney to work out a parenting plan and child support.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Hello, New Jersey!
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:01:17 PM
By the looks of the last Staten Island get together you do a great job...Jersey could use all the help it can get!!!!
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is there a god?
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:33:26 AM
Faith as small as a mustard seed....
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 275 (view)
 
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/6/2008 4:45:48 PM
Hahhah you are funny OP....
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Support for a Disabled Young Adult
Posted: 2/26/2008 5:31:45 PM
Your daughter needs life time support from her dad. Also you are under a tremendous amout of stress taking care of all your children. The other special needs parents on this board know what you are talking about. Not only is there her current care but what happens when you die. Here is in states we have special needs trusts that need to be set up. But what will happen to her once you pass away and then your x. Who will be responsible for her and take care of her like you did?

Please don't answer on this forum...I can see you have had a tough time with some folks that just don't understand. Just some thoughts to think about.
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Profile Review Requested....From a Female Perspective
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:59:00 PM
I liked what you said in your profile. You sense of humor showed and made me laugh (in a positive way). Liked all your pictures because it showed a little different view of you in each one...meaning relaxed, dressed, causal etc.
Good luck with fishing..
 4umaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Should I have hit-on a mom with her kid at a dept. store?
Posted: 2/20/2008 3:45:22 PM
Next time that happens just write on your business card that you think she is beautiful and if unattached you would like to take her for coffee, drink. This way you don't miss an opportunity and are not hitting on her while her child is present.

If you do not have business cards make some up with your name, tele and email Simple.
 
Show ALL Forums