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 Author Thread: LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 110 (view)
 
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 9/16/2010 6:41:22 PM
Looks may open the door, but by solely won't sustain a relationship. At the same token, I do have to feel an attraction (physical, emotional, & spiritual) to the man who is in my life. My definition of "hot" may be different from others.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 116 (view)
 
Smooth Face or Slim Body?
Posted: 8/2/2010 8:40:57 AM
I think there is a BIG misconception that slim = healthy. There's a boat load of slim folks out there with high blood pressure, cholesterol issues, diabetes, etc. Can't be precise in determining whether the outer package of a body = good health. I'd rather choose someone with a little more wrinkles, and a little bit of extra weight that does come with good health, over one who is fashionable thin and has had numerous plastic surgery work done. Unfortunately for us women, it's a double standard, we must be slim and we must be wrinkle free if we're going to get those plum jobs, have success in dating, etc.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
 
He has young children
Posted: 6/29/2010 9:16:16 AM
I think you and George can be friends, that's it. I think for the relationship to go beyond that isn't good for all parties, if you can't accept his kids. It's a package deal on BOTH sides. You have your kids, he has his kids. If the relationship is to be successful, one has to accept the whole package deal. Either accept his kids and let the relationship progress naturally & slowly, or end it NOW!
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Ever Feel Like your Body Betrayed You??!!
Posted: 6/27/2010 10:00:34 AM
It's been both ways with my body. I got about 40 pounds overweight, and between eating healthy and working out (spin classes; personal training 2 times weekly; swimming; and biking), I've managed to lose most of it. On the flip side of the coin I have arthritis in my knees and there are days when my left knee gives me fits. I still keep on trucking and am very grateful I can do all of the activities I love (except for lunges and deep squats).
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 6/27/2010 9:53:49 AM
I don't feel the need to have a man in my life 24/7. I've been flying solo for a long while and I do enjoy my solitude. I'd probably feel cramped if he were around 24/7 and 365 days a year.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
The Best place in the Caribbean ?
Posted: 6/18/2010 8:36:44 PM
Places I've been to: Cayman Islands; Cancun; Cozmuel; Belize; Costa Rica; Jamaica; Barbados; and Bonaire. Favorites so far are: Belize and Bonaire. Bonaire is known for excellent shore diving and wind surfing.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 44 (view)
 
relationships and kids
Posted: 6/18/2010 8:28:51 PM
He's not that into you, not the way you'd like. It's a mis-match and will probably never wind up in a match. You can keep seeing him, but you'd be wise not to be physically intimate with him. I think it's time to start fishing. You know that too, otherwise, you wouldn't have put your profile here.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Am I forcing her to be a grand mother?
Posted: 6/7/2010 10:19:15 AM
Before you keep the baby at the house, especially overnights, you need to get with your wife and get her opinion. Your marriage should come first. To ask your daughter in front of your wife at chuch without clearing it with your wife first, is totally blindsiding your wife. Doesn't matter whether your wife says something about it Sunday or Thursday, she's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't.

If it's going to affect your wife (ie: babysitting; vacations; finances; etc), then you need to discuss these things with your wife BEFORE. No one likes "surprises" or getting blindsided.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 47 (view)
 
white collar woman, blue collar man.
Posted: 4/16/2010 8:33:47 PM
Different strokes for different folks. True, why worry about what others think. The key is whether BOTH individuals in the relationship are secure enough with themselves that they can see beyond the money and careers.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 40 (view)
 
I've been corresponding with a nice lady, BUT...
Posted: 4/16/2010 8:30:28 PM
If you're 100% set in your ways when it comes to religion, and she's 100% set in her ways on her religion, and there's no room for negotiations or compromise, the relationship has a snow ball chance in hell for lasting. I also don't believe a church service is the best thing to do for 1st meet & greet.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Culture/Social class/Upbringing is a contributable factor to infidelity
Posted: 4/16/2010 8:27:17 PM
Bottom line on infidelity - it's a matter of choice! Can't place 100% of the blame on our upbringing, education, (or lack thereof); being in a bad relationship; and the excuses go on.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
at what point do you sell the big house?
Posted: 2/18/2010 7:51:32 PM
Sell when your heart tells you too. Forget the tax stuff and other financial ramifications. When the time comes that unhappiness with the house overshadows the good, it's time to get out. Otherwise, the cost is too big.

I live in a 2200 square foot house. I do enjoy puttering in the yard and working on home improvements. The time will come when I will sell my house, my furnishings, and retire in Belize. When that time comes, I will move forward and not look back.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 7:42:28 PM
Am I dating with the expectation of finding a mate? Nope. For me, its about getting out there, getting to know someone, enjoy life's experiences, finally letting the chips fall where they may.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Men in their 60s
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:29:32 PM
Seems the human race is hell bent on focusing on what they DON'T WANT versus what they do want. If you keep focusing on the negatives, you'll get plenty more of it. Too, the longer the laundry list, the slimmer your pickings will be.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Still holding- and talking- bitterness after 20 or more years
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:27:25 PM
Bitterness does not discriminate by age, sex, race, or religion. I guarantee that those who carry "chips" on their shoulders will go from relationship to relationship. I reckon we should call them "Drifters". Sounds like he throws Pity Parties and I guarantee no one comes to them.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:25:27 PM
OP - don't think of yourself as getting "old". Think of yourself as being in middle aged puberty!!! Hell, I know I'm going thru mine - got a little bit of the middle age spread; my hair isn't as thick as it was; and I even notice I get a few odd hairs in places they shouldn't be. Chalk it up to middle age puberty. The way I see our physical attributes is either "Murphy's Law" or "The Law of Gravity" will catch up with EVERY ONE OF US! It is, what it is. There is no fountain of youth.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 120 (view)
 
Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:04:45 PM
Jess - if you are having to ask this question, my answer is "yes" you should have waited. Yep, you were fun, but on his terms, not on yours. Don't beat yourself up over this. Learn from it, and take things more slowly next time. If this guy wants a "booty call" again, tell him to take a hike. You really do deserve better. There is an ol saying if a woman sleeps with a man on the first date, she's dating material not marriage material. Figure out what you really want in relationships, going forward.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
He forgot to mention his 3-year-old ...
Posted: 1/25/2010 10:35:10 AM
OP - sorry to hear about your experience. When a guy first contacts me, I read his profile. I ask about his kids, how many and what their ages are. If he has kids under the age of 18, I let him know that I don't date guys with kids under the age of 18. I don't give it a chance to get to the phone stage or the meet & greet session. I also mention it in my profile. Anyone that lies about their kids from the beginning is one who doesn't deserve to be in a relationship.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Men of a certain age...women too..
Posted: 1/24/2010 6:00:33 PM
When I was a very young toddler, I was fascinated by my own shadow. Once I grew up, and realized that shadows were a reflection of light/darkness. I'm happy with who I've become. My life's experiences have been character building. I haven't always made the best decisions, but at the same token, I've owned up to the things that I've done in my life. I am the Captain of my own ship! As far as choosings dates, I look for the same value systems that I had in my younger days. Those haven't changed. What has changed is folks in my age group have graying hair; middle age spread; etc.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Damn, you have sexy voice thats what she said
Posted: 1/22/2010 8:13:48 PM
If we haven't met, he and I are talking on the phone. God help me if he sounds like some lifeless blob form. Just as bad, a monotone. The worst is "huh, uh huh, duh". On the other hand, there is the nasal type of voice, that can be irritating. A voice in itself isn't the end all, but how it is used can be a deal breaker.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 69 (view)
 
The role of texting in a relationship when you're over 45
Posted: 1/22/2010 8:09:13 PM
I guess the ability of being able to text hasn't been important to me until tonight. I'm cheap, I never had anything than basic cell phone service. I didn't even have a cell phone until 3 years ago. I bought a Droid Eris a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, it's got some bells and whistles. Tonight, I was trying to figure out how to donate $10 towards the Haiti fund raiser tonight, via text. It took me 30 minutes, but I figured it out. Still texting isn't that important. Now winning on Solitaire on their smart phone - COOL!
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 51 (view)
 
His or Her Grown Children.
Posted: 1/20/2010 5:14:57 PM
Dating isn't a problem when it comes to relating. However, if you want to live together or marry, it's a package deal. Most folks aren't going to throw their grown kids under the bus when it comes to a relationship. Bottom line, pick your battles carefully, and if some things are non-negotiable, then you'd better re-think the relationship. Can't go into a relationship to change or fix, it just won't work.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 98 (view)
 
Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 1/2/2010 3:05:34 PM
If I come out and say "I'm looking to date", then I'd say it's pretty tough at my age. I'd love to find a good fella where we can hang out, do things together, etc. My biggest problem, where I live, is so many guys between 45 and 55 have kids under the age of 18. I'd rather not get involved in those situations. Am I looking for Mr. Perfect? Nope, but I am looking for the fella that we're on the same page in life.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
paying my way..and the partner?
Posted: 12/7/2009 4:33:00 PM
Professor - you've learned a hard lesson here. It's time YOU take control of the situation and your life. Discuss and draw an agreement up in writing if you have to. As one of the other posts said "don't dole out more than you can afford to lose".
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:41:14 PM
OP - good question. Wanna know something - it's hard because WE ALL MAKE IT HARD! OMG - when I read some of these threads, I keep saying the same thing over & over from the men - that women are PICKY!! I've seen men have a laundry list that would blow POF out of the water, it's so long. Where it's hard for me is way TOO MANY guys have kids under the age of 18. Thanks but no thanks. Also, it's hard to find one that is close if not on the same page in life.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Do we expect more?
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:51:34 PM
Online dating is a jungle!!! C'mon, when you look at all of these mugs, it's like window shopping. Funny thing for most folks, when they meet face to face, that "magical" bubble breaks, and all of a sudden, you're dealing with a real live human being. That human being happens to come with all sorts of flaws. Hence, the twinge of excitement has died down, but it really does boil down to our expectations.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:49:12 PM
I don't think marriage is out per se. I think what happens in MOST marriages, is folks let outside influences (kids, jobs, money, mortgages, material things) take priority over a marriage. Also, I think it depends on where one is in their life. If I were in my 20's and wanted to have kids, I'd want to marry.
At the age of 53, I really don't feel the "need" to marry.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Finances and expenses - responsibility and commitment
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:46:35 PM
There comes a time and a place when it's a necessity to lay the financial cards on the table. That time isn't the first few months of marriage, nor is it when a couple moves in together. It's when a couple says "hey, things are getting serious". Laying the cards on the table involves: discussion of today's finances; credit reports; tax returns; and future financial goals. It also includes any obligations for kids or elderly parents.

That aside, I'd say try to maintain 2 homes if finances allow it to. The least expensive home can be rented out to the kiddos for a nominal rental amount. Each parent should be responsible for THEIR OWN children. If the lower income parent can't afford to pay 100% of college, so be it. Kids can work their way thru college; get loans; or work hard at their GPA's to get scholarships. Most importantly for the parents - FUND YOUR RETIREMENT FIRST, BEFORE PAYING FOR KIDDIE'S COLLEGE!
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Dating people with problem kids
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:40:24 PM
OP - it's not just the kids with the problem, it's their parents. Unless their Dad is deceased, he's as much to blame for the mess as the Mother. If the relationship went into marriage or a live-in situation, simply put, it's a package deal. If you can't deal with the kiddos, it's best to call it quits, end the relationship as tactfully and gracefully for the two of you, and move on. It isn't going to get better unless SHE makes it happen.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:35:42 PM
I don't think age has anything to do with the ability to give and/or receive affection. What does impact our ability is what lies between our ears - THE BRAIN! Too often folks think that affection or "sex" needs to end with the act of intercourse. It doesn't. Sometimes just cuddling, kissing, holding hands, or "the look" between a couple can give greater satisfaction than intercourse. I have a weakness, I love receiving and giving bear hugs!
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 43 (view)
 
who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:45:26 PM
Charity - BIG TIME!!! It's just stuff. Most will be animal charities.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 98 (view)
 
What's the upside to being over 50 and single
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:42:57 PM
Is there a downside to being over 50 and single No regrets, I have been flying solo since 1987. Love having control of the remote; if I want to sleep in until noon on weekends, so be it; don't have to cook if I don't feel it; not responsible for someone else's social calendar; vacation any place I want; don't have to justify my actions, reasons or words to anyone else.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:26:44 PM
My parents have been married for 58 years, both are still alive. I think marriage will last as long as a couple WANTS it to last. Even though the vows say "for better or for worse", sad to say but most are only in a marriage as long as things are for the "better".
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
he took me for granted...too long...I said its over...will he think?
Posted: 10/26/2009 12:02:25 PM
I reckon I've got to quote what Dr. Phil would say "past behavior is a good indication of future behavior". This guy isn't going to change and he can't be fixed. What can be changed is you can move on and without him. Last but not least, to subject your kids to this drama is nothing but pure child abuse!
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
What ever happened to Love
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:59:42 AM
If love falls into my lap again, I'd say it's great! If it doesn't, my life is still pretty great. Relationships are complicated nowadays because we make them complicated, which scares off a good chunk of folks.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Does this really make me shallow?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:18:50 AM
OP - if you aren't attracted to overweight women, you aren't. There's no need to apologize. Unfortunately for the overweight category, it is harder to find dates, especially for women. I'm not attracted to men who are bald and built like Santa Clause. I refuse to apologize for what I find attracted in men.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
you just know
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:16:45 AM
It's really hard for two people to be on the same page when they both can say "you just know" at the same time. Breakups happen for all sorts of reasons, mostly because 2 people aren't on the same page in life (philosophy; values; dreams; etc).
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
when did coffee become a first date?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:14:50 AM
I don't consider coffee to be a date. Let's get real here. It's the first "meet & greet". It's simple, quick, easy, and if your meeting has become hellish, there's a quick escape! Not only that, but it's safe to meet in public!
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
That dreaded L word...
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:12:42 AM
OP - of course it's easy for you to say "I love you" to your kids. After all, it wasn't them that broke your heart. To say it to a woman is risky and you aren't sure if that love will be returned. Relationships are about laying your heart on the table. You've got to get out of your comfort zone unless you're willing to be alone the rest of your life. Get some counseling to help steer you in the right direction. If you want to be in a successful long term relationship or even remarry, you'd better be able to say, feel and know the words "I love you".
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
my boyfriend asked me for money
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:09:20 AM
OP - you're 28 years old, consider this a HUGE learning experience. In the early stages of dating, any money that you receive shouldn't be a topic of conversation. This guy has to earn your trust and likewise, you have to earn his trust. I'm glad to read that you are moving on. Seems Mr. Slacker has more issues than just money.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Been there done that, what advice to you give to someone getting married?
Posted: 10/25/2009 11:19:38 AM
Date each other for at least 4 seasons before getting engaged. Take a week long trip together (get out of that comfort zone); and see each other when you're sick. You've got to be friends before lovers; respect each other; and remember that everything in the relationship is negotiable. Pre-nups? It's up to the couple but for 2nd marriages and later in life, it's an absolute! Last but not least, you've got to put the marriage above everything else - that means above children, careers, parents, etc.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Second (or Third or. . . ) Time Around
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:16:55 PM
We all learn lessons, Life is the greatest teacher there is. I truly believe that if we go through life without making mistakes, what do we have to learn? If we didn't experience sadness or anger, how would we truly know what joy or happiness would be? What I do know about myself is I'm not up to fixing or changing another person, in any type of relationship. If I can't accept their behavior or there are deal breakers, they aren't a part of my life.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Would a Woman date a Man if she had a higher salary than him?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:40:49 PM
It's not so much of what is in his wallet that counts, it's how a man manages his money and his attitude towards money is what counts (IMO).
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:36:34 PM
OP - if a person says they aren't ready for a relationship, it means that. Be it with you or another person. I don't think a full detailed explanation is needed. If someone isn't into you 100% then you really are better off without them.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 55 (view)
 
too much in debt?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:35:17 PM
OP - need to know what type of debt it is. There's good debt (student loans & mortgages); then there's bad debt (car payments; credit cards; and medical bills). If you have ANY DOUBTS about a person, then you shouldn't get married. Instead of asking the POF gang, the two of you need to have your own private discussions about money. When it comes time to engagement or move-in, then review bank statements; credit histories; and tax returns. Last but not least, a pre-nup would be a good order of business.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Are Your Filters Set Too High?
Posted: 10/21/2009 3:56:17 PM
It's easy for me as far as filters go. I'm not willing to date one who smokes like a chimney; has to drink a six pack a day; snorts coke; is over the age of 60; or has young kids under the age of 18, or is piss poor with the way they handle their money, those are deal breakers.

I'm not particular about their religion, political affiliation, what they do for a living, hobbies, etc. those are areas where there's LOADS OF ROOM for give & take. I figure if I meet a man that can meet 80% of my "wish list", then I've scored a home run!
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Men over 45 who dye their hair
Posted: 10/21/2009 3:51:17 PM
Doesn't phase me a bit. Well, if he dyes it purple, green or any other "rock & roll" color, I'm probably gonna think Halloween is a bit premature.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Casual v Serious
Posted: 10/21/2009 3:50:16 PM
Loo - don't beat yourself up for sleeping with this man. You can't change what you've done in the past. HOWEVER, you can control what you want in the future with this guy. Seems he's not over his divorce, he isn't the best of relationship material (in the moment), so I suggest you back off on physical intimacy. If your heart isn't in "casual", then don't do it. If you lose the guy, you're better off, but it's a risk you'll take.
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Location, location
Posted: 10/20/2009 4:06:41 PM
OP - I'm not about to move at this point in my life. However, I still wonder if Texas is actually in another country. As far as the risk thing of selling my awesome home & leaving my awesome job in the hope of meeting someone, I'd say my odds are better in Vegas shooting craps!
 Suecat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/16/2009 4:28:28 PM
I'm probably like a bull in a china shop. I'm blunt and have no qualms about speaking the truth. However, when I do let someone down, I do it in the manner that allows them grace and dignity. I'd rather be told the truth than to be told "what I want to hear". Sometimes the truth hurts, but lies of any kind are far worse.
 
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