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 Author Thread: Difference between authentic and inauthentic love
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Difference between authentic and inauthentic love
Posted: 4/19/2013 6:09:21 AM
OP

This happens often even between people who wouldn't usually be considered bad people.
They fall into infatuation. It is so strong it must be ''real'' this desire to constantly be in contact with the other person and it seems to over ride any sense they may have.
Then reality creeps in and they start to realize they are not ''right'' for eachother and are not getting their basic needs met so they try to force the other to meet their needs.
Or one or both have major issues that come out, they refuse to deal with them and try to make the other person deal with their unhealthy thoughts and attitudes.

They usualy don't realize what they are doing and blame it on the other.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Should I keep pursuing this, or is she just not interested?
Posted: 4/18/2013 5:01:21 PM
OP

Try using your phone for talking. Like actual speech not using your fingers.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 28 (view)
 
7-Day contact rule?!?
Posted: 4/18/2013 4:58:19 PM
OP
Yes he is either not that into you or playing the i dont want to look needy game.

Either way move on. If he isnt that into you so what? He is only one of many.
If he is playing a game then he is taking his chances....... Right?

I am tired of this ''not too needy'' BS. Every one should be brave and if they are into someone just show it!! life is too short for this BS!!

Call him! What do you have to lose?
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Is the art of communication dying?
Posted: 4/18/2013 4:47:18 PM
OP
As to the first part of your post, people on here dont ask their SO because they dont really want the truth or are afraid of it. They seem to think this is a way to read minds as all men/women are the same right? Lol! They are hoping to take advice on here and control or minipulate the other person with it.

As for too much txting? Probably with the other person out of sexual attraction and getting emotional and mental needs met else where.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 41 (view)
 
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/18/2013 4:12:35 PM
Dump his a$$!! I am so F-ing tired of people acting like sex is not a big deal!!
If it wasnt we would all be very content with our same sex friends to meet our needs!
It has been a year. He doesnt like it!
I assume you get off this way.
Men are selfish to some extent because they dont understand female parts! Lol!! Read and explain my post in the SEX forum under something like ''cant come with just penitration''
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 38 (view)
 
So I am not a cool mom when it comes to this
Posted: 4/18/2013 5:43:45 AM
Drinking is a skill. Sounds weird but think about it.
If my daughter decides to drink and up here chances are she will, it is a past time for a lot of people and she has seen a beer in her mothers hand more then once.
I plan to educate her. How to pace herself, how not to leave her beer any where some one can ruffy it. How it isn't an excuse to behave badly. If she wanted to ''party'' at my house with a couple of friends i would let them as long as i talked to their parents. I would rather she learned HOW to drink from me then other brain dead teenagers. I was a wild child and learned some things the hard way. I believe in teaching my kid. You can't keep them in a bubble even though we would like to. So teach them!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Is it not cool these days to go against the Grain???
Posted: 4/16/2013 5:58:30 AM
Huh,

Let me guess......... You don't read profiles.

This is easy, stop msging women who say they want kids and love going to the gym.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 11 (view)
 
I was wondering when you get the feeling that you're being taken for granted
Posted: 4/4/2013 3:26:12 PM
I just ask. Then i listen.
I don't seem able to keep anything in for more then about 24 hours max! Lol!
If he gets pissy it means yes but i like things this way and you are going to mess it up for ME because it is all about ME!! Time to go!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Kids in bed
Posted: 4/4/2013 1:45:50 PM
A first date with a stranger would never be at my house!!

I don't feel the need to wait 6 months to have them over for dinner when my kid is there either.

We are the ones who make the big deal out of the difference between just a friend and a BF. If you are not making out infront of your kids they don't really pay attention to the difference.

But anyway no one comes to my house until i feel comfortable inviting them and this goes for new just friends, male or female too.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 47 (view)
 
I can hear my roommate and his gf have sex, what should I do?
Posted: 4/4/2013 5:40:20 AM
OP,
Ask yourself why this bothers you so much?
Like i said before it is just sex. Be happy for them, don't ruin for them because you are embarresed or maybe a little jealous.

So you hear 2 people doing something that is as natural as eating and breathing. So what?

I guess i got used to it. I lived with roomates from the time i was 17 until i was 24. It made me smile, giggle and turn up the TV because it can be distracting lol!!

Be happy that your friend gets to enjoy one of the simple pleasures in life. Get over it.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 65 (view)
 
She is not satisfied with what I make. Should I continue this relationship?
Posted: 4/3/2013 2:40:44 PM
She wants you to change your lifestyle and personality.

Do you want to do those things?

There's your answer
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 17 (view)
 
What would you do?
Posted: 4/3/2013 2:34:56 PM
Show every one the letter. Kick her out!!
She has a mother and is a mother.
These kids are not your son's kids right?
Set his 18 yr old butt free!!!!!!!!!
He is only 18!! She has family and is 16!!!!!

Edit, oops. Re-read
Ok one is his. She doesn't like him! They are children. Can he get it for sexual assault?
This is a mess. I feel for ya. If he can't be charged have him get at least 50/50 placement. If he can, wait it out until he can't.

Either way she is a child and already a ''baby momma'' and will be again. Get her a shrink!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 17 (view)
 
I can hear my roommate and his gf have sex, what should I do?
Posted: 4/3/2013 2:27:47 PM
Clap, cheer, whistle.

Get over it. It's just sex
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Is finding/having a partner really that important to you?
Posted: 4/1/2013 6:43:01 AM
People keep talking about the good old days. That is a fantisy.
I watched both sets of my grandparents die married and unhappy with each other.

I had parents that were unhappily married, when they divorced it was a relief.

I was unhappily married to a man who took his daughter and me for granted. Once we split he woke up a bit and now he is a better father then when we were together.

So any way i have no intention of settling. I have found that it isn't easy to find some one who's personality is a good fit with mine. It is also not easy to find some one who doesn't end up being self obsorbed.
It seems a lot of men have an old mentality where the woman takes care of him and his needs and should feel lucky to do so. The problem is, us little women dont need a man's pay check or him for security or his ''strengh''
I need a real friend. Who is sexually compatible.
It seems like that should be easy to find right?
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:47:30 PM
Sex isnt any less important then any other part of a relationship.

For me, i could not live with this kind of divide.

You can compromise on many things. If you and your SO share different interests you can go out side of the relationship and enjoy these things with other friends. This usually doesnt work out when it comes to sex.

So in a way being on the same page when it comes to sex is more important then many other things that can be compromised on.

If he is happy with his sex drive and doesn't want to look into changing it, I would have to go.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Making the choice to move on
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:17:11 PM
Op
Your question is interesting but based on assumtion.
U seem to be assuming that some one in love stays in love with that person forever and given the chance would go running back to them, making the new person just a second choice.

I have been in love and chosen to leave because he was unhealthy. I thouht i would never get over him or have feelings for any one else.

I was actually suprised by how quickly got passed it. A little time and understanding can go a long ways.

The next guy i dated wasn't a second choice or a rebound, he was a new choice.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Ladies - do you ever make that first move, or wait for the guy?
Posted: 3/31/2013 12:56:07 PM
I have never asked a guy out. I am not sure why. I have however gone in for the first kiss more then once.

I seem to attract kind of shy guys, it seems if i just go ahead and kiss them first it saves some time and awkwardness lol!! I have yet to have a guy not be OK with that :)
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Bedtime rule Question for men
Posted: 3/28/2013 7:34:27 AM
(LoveBeautifulDays)''The wife is supposed to be submissive,
biblically speaking.''

Oh dear god don't get me started!!

This is fine but look up bible quotes as to how a man is supposed to treat his wife and he better adhere to that too!!!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Harassment...
Posted: 3/27/2013 4:52:11 PM
Just go off on her the way you do on people here.

That should take care of it ;)
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Is this unreasonable?
Posted: 3/27/2013 4:17:35 PM
I believe in letting things develope. I don't set major rules.

My parents divorced when i was 8. My mom's BFs came and went one lived with us for a couple years. Others i met once at the breakfast table. (and yes i was old enough to know what that meant)
I never got really attached to any of them. i have a dad. I am not scared, i didn't turn into a hooker. I never had self esteem issuses that caused me to screw any guy who paid attention to me.

Mom was single. She liked men. That is what i got from it.

My dad didn't date much. My sister and i used to try to hook him up with our friends mom's lol!! Even then it didn't seem right for him to be so alone.

Some women seem to have way too much parent guilt. Or see themselves as undatable.

Ps, my daughter has never met a man at my breakfast table, but it didn't scare me for life.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Question For The Ladies
Posted: 3/27/2013 12:30:00 PM
Well sort of. Does whiskey****count?
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/27/2013 12:22:29 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Hahahahahahaha hehehehehhe

Reality, now you done it. The catholics are gonna get plst!!

Ps, i didn't read it all either just have weird info in my head to put out there lol!!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Spotting and dealing with a tease
Posted: 3/27/2013 12:10:36 PM
OP
I think you dodged a bullet.
Women who play chase me games, once caught, will play prove you love me games.

It is a whole weird insecurity thing, that may never stop.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/27/2013 9:25:10 AM
Ladtwyatt is right BTW.

They did a big study on this. Where did they get the data? From preists and nuns. They live an extremely similar life style.

Yes the nuns lived longer, however they can't explain why.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Bedtime rule Question for men
Posted: 3/27/2013 8:42:05 AM
Msg 26

I think you are assuming that point.
The OP did not say she waits for him to fall asleep before getting up. Just being done with sex.

Many people want what they want when they want it. She may not want to wait a few more minutes and wants every one to say he is selfish when what he wants is for things to stay the same. She probably did go to bad with him before and is now changing that. This is a possibility.
I guess the OP would have to let us know if this is the case.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Bedtime rule Question for men
Posted: 3/27/2013 8:21:45 AM
With or with out sex, most men fall asleep fast. You can compromise here.
Lay down with him, snuggle up, talk a little. This can be a very nice part of the day. This will take 15 mins, half hour with some conversation? When he falls asleep get up. It feels nice to fall asleep next to the one you love and he seems to miss that.

Many men will just tell you what they want but not why, drives me nuts!!!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What do you think?
Posted: 3/27/2013 6:12:15 AM
I do this OL and IRL.

If a guy is really looking for a LTR he will usually be pretty open about what he thinks and feels about things. Plus people like to talk about them selves.

So in addition to small talk i work in talking about religion, politics, family even a little about Xs. The whole where do you see your self 5 years from now some times gives up good info. I joke and I tease just a little.

These things give me a good idea of who this person is. OL i talk on the phone and have these conversations first. IRL by the second date.

Most people will say stick to small talk. I think this is total BS.

There is no way to figure out if some one is a cheater, but you get a liar talking, they usually can't keep it straight.

I focus more on how well i like the guys personality and if we have the same out look on life and if our views on things are at least close enough that it won't cause problems.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Talking with two guys
Posted: 3/26/2013 2:40:36 PM
Nice PF hahahahaha!!

Well people put their best foot or what ever, forward on their PFs lol!!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Hmmm red flag ?
Posted: 3/26/2013 2:29:08 PM
If she is a she, she is crazy!!

I seem to have less rules and boundaries then many other woman on here. But this is CRAZY!!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Should I be upset?
Posted: 3/26/2013 12:15:52 PM
Hey i am right here being one of those women who says every one should keep their friends!!

I have also delt with things like this before.
Like i said before this early on in a relationship you are BUILDING trust.
If i was in the OPs BFs place i would make sure to include my BF. What reason would i possibly have not to?

If my guy friend was staying some where else and we were just going to hang out a bit then no big deal.

Plus this doesn't sound like a close friend. Just some one he knew from school who he has talked to a couple of times since?? I would probably just break plans with this ''friend''
The nature of a friendship is an important consideration. If this was something they had been doing annually for years that would be one thing.

This all seems odd to me and would rub me the wrong way too.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Help! I think I'm lovesick already?!
Posted: 3/26/2013 11:50:35 AM
Feeling strong chemistry/infatuation can make even the smartest most confident amoung us STUPID! Lol.

It is like a drug and we want more!!

Stand back and try to think about this from the outside looking in.

Put it in perspective. You had a good date. You have no idea how he felt about it or feels about it now and you have little or no control over what happens next.

So settle down. Find things to take your mind off it and wait and see.

This sucks, i know. When something feels that good, we want what we want when we want it.
But it isn't going to work that way.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Single for many many years, telling or not telling?
Posted: 3/26/2013 11:19:37 AM
''Whenever I am asked, "when was your
last relationship?", I answer with
"around one year ago". Because I
have the feeling that when someone
hears "9 years" they will have wrong
thoughts. (What's wrong with her,''

OP,
Ummm ya, that is a complete lie. It isn't just being vague.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 15 (view)
 
have you ever been attracted to what appears to be a complete opposite?
Posted: 3/26/2013 10:45:17 AM
I have figured out that for me msg 11 is totally right.
I need some one with a personality like mine. With an out look on life like mine and with values like mine.
All the other stuff, habbits, quirks ect. Are small stuff that can be worked with.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Single for many many years, telling or not telling?
Posted: 3/25/2013 4:48:18 PM
Is it just me or does any one else think it is strange the OP got on here and asked if she should make up a lie?
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Differences.
Posted: 3/25/2013 1:43:21 PM
If he was a white guy what would you do?
I do think you are having some kind of issue with his race.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:09:34 AM
Ok so he told you he smoked but he down played it with the E smoke thing and telling you he wants to quit. He also didn't put it in his PF.

After seeing that on your pf if you would have msged me, my smoking would have been the first thing i brought up, as i realize some people can't stand it and i don't want to waste their time or mine.
This all seems dodgy to me.

I actually quit for over 7 years and started again. Sooooooo stupid but it is what it is.

I would tell him to call you after he has stopped smoking completely, for 6 weeks. Not cut down, not that e-smoke thing.

Or get used to it.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Called by an ex's name
Posted: 3/25/2013 6:54:57 AM
My x BF did this to me once. He dozed off after sex. I moved and woke him up at which point he said his x wife's name. He looked mortified!!! I teased him a little about it and then let him off the hook as he was waaaaaay more upset about it then I was. I actually felt bad for him. It is just and accident. We get used to another person's name. No big deal. I thought it was funny :)

Another funny story. A friend was introducing my daughter and me to his new GF. He messed up and introduced his GF by my 9yr old daughters name.

His GFs eyes got huge and his face turned almost purple. He had just gotten a head of himself in the introductions. The GF was really relieved to find out it was my daughter's name LOL!!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Dealing with cigarette smoke
Posted: 3/25/2013 6:38:23 AM
I am a smoker. I do not want to date some one who sees smoking as a ''deal breaker''

I want to quit, we all do. Am i going to any time soon? Probably not. It screws up your brain. If given the choice of not eating for a day or not smoking for a day, i would choose not eating. It is a messed up thing.

That being said, what you really need to ask your self is do you really want to date some one who is going to lie and give you excuses to get what he wants. He lied, missrepresented him self, saw that you don't want a smoker but decided to minipulate you instead of respecting that and passing you up.

The question should not be how do you deal with smoking, but do you want to deal with a man who is minipulitive.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/23/2013 4:01:07 PM
''I understand your point, but even
saying put that down before
you hurt yourself sounds like concern
to me. I'd probably say
that to someone myself....male or
female.
My point was, why ridicule him, egg
him on, or challenge him to
a duel? Why not just say thanks but
no thanks?''

You can't be serious.
Some one scolds you like a child and you are going to say ''thanks but no thanks''

In what way did i ridicule HIM?

He did not say this nicely and I have had to put up with this kind of attitude before.

I think i handled it rather well since what i really wanted to say was '' shut the hell UP old fool''

I am too old to put up and shut up any more.

I was not struggling with the ladder BTW, but yes i did have to use two hands ;)

This guy did end up getting fired because of his attitude and it had nothing to do with me. I didn't go crying to the boss because he was a jerk, I just took care of it, cause i am a grown up.

I realise that women like me ruin it for women who want men to rescue them from doing any physical work.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/22/2013 12:51:04 PM
Browneyes,

He didn't say ''can I help you with that?'' that is different.

The last post didn't really come out right LOL!!
I meant i don't need things done for me because i have a pu$$y. ;)

I didn't mean trading favors for pu$$y. Heheheheh!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/22/2013 11:44:06 AM
Well spitfiree

We are all different. I enjoy some hard physical work. I think it feels good to sweat and be tired and sore because i kicked azz all day. I get to look what i have done.

I don't use my pu$$y to get men to do it for me.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/22/2013 10:58:08 AM
One day at work i was carring one of those old 12' wooden ladders, a guy came running up to me and said
''put that down before you hurt your self''
I stopped and said
''relax, i worked on a construction crew, i can carry a damn ladder. I can probably pound nails faster then you can''
He glared at me, so i smiled and said ''want to find out?''
He walked away. Hehehe

But this is what ticks me off about assumed gender roles. He didn't know the first thing about me, but because i don't have a penis i couldn't possibily carry a heavy awkward ladder.
This BTW is only one of many stories i could tell.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Faithful
Posted: 3/22/2013 8:55:18 AM
Realityck,

I assume you are refering to my use of ''chicken shlt''
Just a crass way of saying afraid, not name calling. I was talking about WHY i think people cheat. Not WHO someone is as a person if they cheat.

As in they are chicken shlt or they are afraid
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Is 100% honesty really a good thing in a relationship
Posted: 3/22/2013 8:15:34 AM
The best answer i ever got to the whole ''do these jeans make my butt look big'' thing.

I made some comment about my big butt and my BF at the time said '' I love your big fat azz!!'' then ran over to give it a squeeze. LOL!!!

It still makes me laugh to think about that :)
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 37 (view)
 
How do i know how he feels?
Posted: 3/22/2013 8:02:41 AM
''I just want someone to want me i
guess.''

Ohhhhhhhhh,

Here's your problem.

OP what do YOU want?

Are you even really into this guy or just enjoying the attention?

Are you so focused on weather or not he really likes you to step back and think about if you really like him?

If you do, it is worth taking a chance.

If it is just all the attention he gives you, which might explain the little freak out because he broke one date, you might want to let him go so you can find someone you ARE really into.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Positive date.
Posted: 3/22/2013 7:46:33 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Good point hehehehe!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Not Sexually Compatible? Devestated...
Posted: 3/22/2013 7:33:31 AM
He may not have wanted to be reminded of your past partners at that moment when you said he was bigger then other guys lol!

Go with just ''big'' instead of '' bigger than all the other guys i have slept with'' lol!!

The first time with someone new isn't always great. He gave you the only answer you need which is it bothered him that it hurt you so stop asking!!

Talk to him about how sexy he is, how he turns you on. How you just need more practice to get used to the size and how much you would like to keep practicing ;) tell him he needs to take it slow, at first.

Basically tell him how you feel and what you want in a postive way.

This really doesn't have to be a big deal and it really can work. I had this same thing happen and after a little while it was completely forgotten.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 11 (view)
 
My journey from being a Nice Guy
Posted: 3/22/2013 6:59:42 AM
Msg #10 +1

Insecure doesn't = nice guy.

Good post!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 34 (view)
 
How do i know how he feels?
Posted: 3/22/2013 6:44:42 AM
OP,

Oh no he is sending naughty txts?
You mean a man who is into you wants to have sex with you?? ;) lol!!

Do you like sexting?

He is introducing you to his family.
If you were just a hit and run he would not be doing this. Introduce a hit and run to his friends? Maybe. But not family.

You slept in his bed twice and didn't ''put out'' chances are if he was a player this would have pissed him off and he would not be talking to you any more.

But keep your eyes and ears open. Relax, enjoy and keep your expectations under control until you have been with him long enough to actually have expectations.

I don't think relationships move to fast, people's expectations do.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Positive date.
Posted: 3/22/2013 6:21:10 AM
What is more annoying;

Spelling errors

Or

People taking up space in an interesting thread bltching about them?

If a post is hard to read, you do have the option of just passing it up.

Just sayin..........
 
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