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 Author Thread: Youngest/oldest person you would date?
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Youngest/oldest person you would date?
Posted: 9/7/2016 7:13:59 PM
I almost always date younger up to about 10-12 yrs younger. Ideally I would love to find a man near my age but so far I haven't been attracted to any of them. I'm not attracted to older men at all.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Trying to have children after a lady is 40
Posted: 9/7/2016 6:54:28 PM

But you shouldn't consider a fact of nature to be degrading.

If your going to consider facts of nature then you should also include that over the hill men contribute to a huge rate of children born with Autism.

But no one seems to want to have the "talk" with old men and their declining health sperm issues. Only woman over 35 are cause for concern here! lol Just pointing out what none of the older men want to hear here ;)
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Trying to have children after a lady is 40
Posted: 8/29/2016 8:20:04 PM
All this bs about woman decline after 40 is just really degrading and mostly untrue.

Woman can be infertile at any age. I know several woman who were told they couldn't have babies when they were in their 20's who had healthy babies in their late 30's.

I wish Karma was still posting here (she's a nurse) who sees babies born to woman over 40 daily.

Having a talk with your partner "because of the age where fertility naturally declines" is demeaning and not necessary. Have you even tried to have a baby?
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 25 (view)
 
My boyfriend still has his pof account?
Posted: 8/29/2016 8:07:49 PM
Cheating is cheating doesn't matter if you physically meet up or not.

He has an account on a dating site and is corresponding with another woman (really you). Do you really think he's just looking for friends?
I've heard that excuse from men a 1000 times and it's BS.

Do yourself a favor and find someone you don't have to force into having a relationship with you. A guy whose into you won't need to be asked to take down his profile, he just will.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Should I ask if we are fwb or something more?
Posted: 8/29/2016 7:58:03 PM
I agree with Penny that it's to late to withhold sex. It will only make both of you resentful and you a game player.

I've been in this situation multiple times, because dating usually isn't clear. The only way to get clarity is to be up front and ask. I don't believe in wasting my time anymore waiting for someone to decide what kind of relationship they want with me, I let them know early on what kind it will be if they are to be around my life.

There is nothing wrong with telling someone that your looking to be with someone eventually in a committed relationship (or whatever it is you want). People aren't mind readers and by being direct you give the other person the option of making a choice for themselves and you save yourself a lot of time and wondering.

You can start by a simple "what are you looking for with me". You may not get the 100% truth (and he may not be exactly sure) but you should get enough clarity out of his answer or lack there of to see if this waiting a few more weeks/months or time to hit the road.

If he dodges the question or gives you any bs answer like "lets just wait and see what happens" "just enjoying the ride" or "I don't know what I want right now" then it's time to go. If you get something you can work with then see how it goes for a while. Trust your gut it usually doesn't lie.

What I don't think you should do is suffer in silence whether this ends or continues. If you don't speak your mind you will always wonder what if. As a potential partner (to anyone in the future) communication is key and your partner deserves a chance to understand and address your needs.

Good luck
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Men age and lying
Posted: 5/22/2016 4:58:23 PM

OP, you've been on here long enough to know exactly what kind of reaction that picture is going to get. Of course young guys are hitting on you. They see any woman over 50 as a easy target because they see us as pathetic and desperate for attention so we'll have sex with anyone. That picture is screaming "I'm desperate and easy -- do me."


Wait what are you talking about here? I read the post to say that men in their 50's (yes they actually put their correct age on their profile) but put up fake pics (or pics of themselves when they were 20/30 years younger). Nobody said anything about younger men.

The men probably put up fake pics for the same reason everyone else does, they're hiding something about the way they look (weight, age, height ect).

And what's with attacking people and they're pictures? News flash people are sexually attracted to other people. Sex and being physically attracted to one another is vital to a relationship! Furthermore sometimes the girls come out, flop out, stand out, fall out and tumble out. It can't be helped when you have large ta ta's. Get over it! I swear I seriously think a lot of women in these forums are actually jealous.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 45 (view)
 
How much do you weigh?
Posted: 5/22/2016 4:42:01 PM

With that in mind, would it be OK to ask folks how close to a weight you would desire to be ARE you? 5%? 10%? 20%?

I hadn't weighed myself in a year. When you work out weight is not an accurate measurement. Body fat would be more accurate. I've gotten to the point where I just gauge how I look and feel.


do you think it would improve your DATING chances here?

There's two sides to the coin here. On the one hand undeniably weight does matter. The more "healthy" or thin you are (within reason) to the ideal that seems to run rampant around America the more opportunities you will have.

The second side is that confidence greatly influences our interactions with others. Ever heard the saying "you attract the love you feel you deserve"? So if you don't feel attractive you will subconsciously project this onto others and they won't want to be involved with you.


Is preference for weight or body type any more or less shallow than all the other things people get shot down over?

Why would this be shallow? We all have our preferences that doesn't make us shallow. It also doesn't mean that's what we will end up with either.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Dumped after having sex on 4th date - am completely torn up
Posted: 5/14/2016 10:01:44 AM
^^^ and your contribution to this discussion is?
Taking up space?

(((hugs))) Clooney :) and if you can't be the expert then the rest of us will have to!
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Dumped after having sex on 4th date - am completely torn up
Posted: 5/14/2016 9:43:41 AM

I should mention that we discussed in detail that we are both on the same page in terms of what we're looking for - we both are looking for a long-term relationship, not a one-night stand or just a sexual thing. We've both had long-term relationships before and he said he really misses that in his life.

I don't hold much in the answer to this question when I ask guys. Yes, it can weed out the guys whose timing in life at the moment is all about how many girls he can run through sexually but just because you have the same goals does not necessarily mean they'll be met together (you and he). So just be careful here to not take to much value here in the answers.


I have NEVER had sex with ANYONE so quickly in my entire life, but I was so turned on and trusted that this was simply our relationship progressing to the next level. I mean he said he's looking for a girlfriend, not meaningless sex, so to me this indicated he was into me and ready to start a sex life with me

The sooner you understand that men can have sex with no or little to no emotional attachment the better off you'll be. Men and woman think differently when it comes to sex.
Again he may be looking for a girlfriend but it may not be with you. Just because someone says they want the same things doesn't mean that your that person that he wants as a girlfriend. Make sense! This is why asking the "what are you looking for question" can be misleading. People also change their minds too! Players eventually settle down to find the one and people seeking relationships change their minds and become players. Words are never a guarantee.


But the sex was really good, especially considering it was our FIRST time together - he couldn't stop ranting and raving about how much he loves my body.

I've had guys who are caught up in the moment tell me they want me to have their babies, be with me forever, call them daddy, tell me I'm the best thing since the invention of Chips Ahoy. They say all kinds of sh!t when really they're just caught up in a momentary high. Doesn't mean after the orgasm wears off that they really want to have 10 kids with me or rush to the alter to spend the rest of their life with me. Guys say all kinds of crap during and immediately after sex. Look for what happens after sex is what will tell you whats really going on.


I am really torn up about this because I was just starting to really like him and trust him and after we had sex, being a typical chick I felt even more affection for him. I feel like he's just slammed the door on a wonderful opportunity. I know I would be a great girlfriend to him and don't understand why he's not even willing to give it a chance. I feel like I must have done something (or lacked something) that was a turn-off to him.

Because sometimes you just know it isn't going to work. This is your 4th date you pretty much know whether it stands a good chance for improvement in the future or not. That being said there are two important components to relationships 1) physical 2) emotional. The first one woman usually disregard as important and the second one men tend to disregard as important (but that's another subject). You have to have BOTH to have a healthy relationship. When one of these lacks it just won't happen no matter how much time is given. I've had men whom I've had an amazing emotional connection with but the minute we had sex or in some cases attempted to have sex I realized we lacked the physical connection and it just wasn't going to work out. Perhaps this guy realized this mid stream (no pun intended).


Then he said he wanted to stay "friends" and added me as a friend on FB.

I would not add him on FB. I would never give that man the satisfaction of being able to see my face or what I was doing with my life everyday after he told me I was only good enough for a fruck buddy. Let me serve you up a healthy dose of self esteem and unfriend him right now.


Anyone else ever had this happen for no apparent reason?

Yeah I was in an 8 year relationship which the last 3 years of it was sexless due to his depression. Coming out of that type of situation and length of time my self esteem was pretty low. I'd just spent 8 yrs devoting myself to someone else. So one of the first guys I dated took advantage of that and we were on and off again for over a year (because he didn't know what he wanted. basically I was a FWB) till I finally worked on myself. Do I blame him for doing this? No because here's the truth, If you don't find value in yourself no one else will either! You will continue to be the FWB, the girl that gets pumped and dumped, the girl that has a lot of first dates but not many second ones and a whole other host of problems till you recognize your value and drop kick people who don't.


Do you expect to be head-over-heels in love by date 4? And if you're not, or you see any flaws, you just won't see the person anymore? I thought most adults realize that chemistry and love grows with time and only gets better after the first few dates.

Ok well this isn't black and white question. In online dating your going to find "the grass is greener on the other side types", generally mentally unstable circus clowns, people looking to kill the boredom that plagues their lives, 4 year old men trapped into a 40 something year old mans body and normal people who are genuine and looking for a partner. This is your mission to find out in the first few dates (or even before dating if possible) which category your guys fit into. Recognizing that not everything is kitties and rainbows (IE they're all adults who watch the Notebook and understand that love develops) is half the battle!


And would you sleep with a woman you weren't feeling a "connection" with if you were looking for a long-term relationship?

Yes a vast majority of men will. It goes back to what I said earlier about the views of sex between men and woman.

On that note don't get hung up on "I had sex to soon" or I should wait 90 days before having sex with a guy. There is no such thing as having sex to soon only having sex you regret is to soon. I had sex with a guy I met that same day and we ended up in a relationship and I loved him more than I have any man in my life. Go ahead wait 90 days to have sex and watch him walk out on the 91st day because you played a game and made him wait. It's not about when you have sex, it's about why you have sex. ;)

Don't tie a connection or a relationship to sex. Have sex when you want to start having sex because you like the person, because it feels good, because it's what you want. When I let go of tying sex to a relationship it didn't really matter anymore whether the guy stayed or left afterward because I wasn't controlling the outcome of it. I was doing what I wanted to do.

If your attracted to him and you want to have sex then put on some Marvin Gaye "let's get it on" and go to town. Wtf? is stopping you? Some out dated antiquated notion that good girls wait for marriage. Please....... Live the life you feel best fit for you and you'll be a lot happier.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Dumped after having sex on 4th date - am completely torn up
Posted: 5/14/2016 7:22:19 AM
here's my response to your post in ask a guy which got filled up while I was typing


Also wondering what to say to future men I date who ask me about my sexual history. I don't want to scare a guy off just because I abstained for a number of years.


Who cares if you scare them off? If you scare them off then you don't want to be with them any way. They were looking for a prostitute not a wife! Just be honest. Personally I put all my baggage, history whatever on the table pretty early on. I do it on purpose. I want to see that this person accepts me, ALL OF ME, including some not so nice parts of me early on before I've wasted years on a person who can't accept me for who I am. There are times when I go long periods without sex and I'm honest about it because in the end I really don't give a fruck about what this guy or that guy thinks of me. My future hubby will love me regardless of whether I'm a Madonna or a whore or both.

It's normal for people to ask about your relationship and sexual history. Don't you want to know too? It tells a story about who that person was and is. And of course for safety reasons while engaging in sexual practices should be obvious.

This guy didn't run away because he sensed you were a born again virgin! He likely ran away because 1) having a partner who refuses to openly address such a simple thing as their past including sexual history is a HUGE red flag. Who wants a partner that can't communicate? 2) your refusal to state when you last had sex could've led him to thoughts that you just had sex with someone that morning or the day before 3) While you thought the sex was great (I imagine that not having sex for 6 years then having sex would make it seem like anything was nothing short of sexual divine) he might not have felt the same way. Maybe sex was awkward and uncomfortable for him because you were caught up in the "what if he doesn't like me because of my past" moment. 4) or he just wanted to get freaky and he fulfilled his need.

The bigger issue here isn't about this man or the sex it's about you. It's about that you aren't confident in who you are as a person. You should be able to walk into a room with an attractive man, throw your past, present and future on the table, say "this is who I am! Now where are we going to dinner?" without a second thought to how it might make you look! The dating world will eat you alive if you don't fix this.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Is she playing hard to get? Or just busy?
Posted: 5/14/2016 6:50:47 AM
She's probably just busy.

I'm like this to a certain degree especially with someone I haven't met. I've learned not to emotionally or physically invest much in a virtual stranger. I also kind of expect that a man does most of the pursuing at the beginning of a relationship. It doesn't mean I don't like you, it just means that the men who have really liked me have always made sure I knew they liked me (texting, calling, spending time ect).After we've established some sort of relationship then who calls and texts first matters less.

Personally if you didn't text me for 3 days I'd probably think your interest level was pretty low to none. I would message her and keep in contact.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Consensus: is my new guy laid back or just not that into me?
Posted: 5/14/2016 6:31:49 AM

Now the problem is, I feel I am initiating most of the dates

Then stop!


At this point I told him I am not interested in dating someone I only see once a fortnight. He told me he doesn't want that either and it is only because of the trip. He immediately arranged a date for in a week's time, the day after he returned...but again I had to initiate time and place.

Huh? you were mad because he had to go on a trip for 2 weeks? That aside look at what happens when you stop initiating, making plans and controlling your dating schedule..... he took some initiative.


Do I need to cut this one loose? I will go insane if I have to keep initiating.


Take a step back and don't initiate. Go ahead and make plans for your own life (you say you also have a busy schedule). I've found that when people who contact me last minute get hit with the "I'd love to see you tonight but I'm sorry I've already made plans" line a few times, generally get hint, they get in where they fit in my life for now. Or you can add to the above sentence "I'd love to see you tonight but I'm sorry I already made plans, I have free time Sunday wanna grab lunch?" This is called establishing boundaries.

Go live your life. If you both want to see each other you'll figure out a way to make it happen. In the long run if you don't live this way and become to dependent upon plans with him you'll find yourself needy and dependent upon this relationship. Just sayin.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Dumped after having sex on 4th date - am completely torn up
Posted: 5/1/2016 7:24:39 PM

I know exactly why that is. If I'm "not feeling it" I will know WHY I'm not feeling it (the guy is a poor listener or question-asker, is too serious, doesn't appreciate my humour at all, can't hold an intellectual conversation, I don't find him physically attractive, etc.).


Most people aren't going to be emotionally aware enough to understand how or why they feel the way they do. You just have to accept that and move on. And even if he had told you why ie: he didn't like curly hair, you couldn't hold an intelligent conversation blah blah what difference would it make anyway. Would you change yourself just to appease a man you hardly know? His opinion is not productive.


I would prefer to know what the incompatibility or dealbreakers were, since I like learning about myself for self-improvement in future relationships

The incompatibilities and deal breakers are going to be different for everyone you meet. Knowing his is pointless and self defeating. Don't rely on other people for self growth. Accept who you are, what you are and continue to manage your own growth regardless of outside influence.


This feeling I am left with is less about my feelings for him and more about the fact that I am not coping well with being rejected so soon in the dating process - especially after making myself vulnerable emotionally and physically. And the frustration of knowing that things maybe could have gone somewhere if it had been given the chance.


Understandably your ego is bruised however if you stop viewing rejection in a negative way you will see that rejection is actually a positive protection for you. One of my fav authors explains it like this "“rejection exists for a reason — it’s a means to keep people who are not good for each other apart.” So think of his departing as a gift so that something far better can come into your life. Things unfolded in this situation like they should have. It wasn't meant to be.

Your internalizing this as if your at fault or there's something wrong with you (the sex, the way you connected ect) when the reality is it had 100% to do with him and what he saw for himself. Nothing you could have done would've changed his feelings. There's a ton of guys out there waiting to appreciate, love and accept who you are right now. Don't waste anymore time analyzing a dead horse when you could be investing your time on the right guy.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/13/2016 7:51:53 PM

Men have inboxed me and told me that I am on the wrong website if I am looking for something serious and that people only use this website for hookups. Is this true?

No men just like to be delusional and think that if they tell a girl this they can convince her to "hook up" with them.



And if this is a website for dating, why are there so many perverts on here sending disrespectful messages?

Because this is internet land. Where people wearing whitey tighties, armed with a little keyboard courage, and a D-pic will say nasty things because there's NO SOCIAL CONSEQUENCES or fear of rejection to their actions (unlike real life). The site makes little to no difference to the amount of men using the internet like an online brothel. I've had pervs, stalkers and crazies from everything from dating websites (match, tinder, POF, ), to other social media sites including Facebook, Instagram, twitter and even Linkedln.


Why are the perverts on HERE instead of easyhookups(dot)com or onlinebootycall(dot)com (I don't know if these are real sites. lol!)????

I've heard several different reasons. Two of the biggest are
1) men seem to think that women on these sites are more "pure" less slutty than those on hookup sites. They equate girls who use hook up sites to those on Craigslist. (I know it's delusional. Even though they're on there trolling for sex they want the girl to be a virgin. lol)
2) sites charge money. Most guys only looking to get laid are cheap and lazy! After all if they weren't they would hire a hooker.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 49 (view)
 
broadening horizons vs lowering standards
Posted: 3/22/2016 8:36:17 PM

I actually disagree with this. It has been much more damaging to me to go months, years with no interest at all, because that makes you feel subhuman. I made it through all my school and college years without a single female, attractive or unattractive, showing any romantic interest in me and you can’t even begin to imagine how that messes you up psychologically.

Was there no romantic interest? Or was there opportunities you either missed, by passed or didn't develop due to various factors one being your self esteem. I believe there are opportunities all around us just many are missed.


I just kept thinking: this is it, I finally got to that point where there are no single women left that find me attractive, I’ve clipped the event horizon and I’m heading into the unknown at the center of a black hole.

Your issue is your lack of self esteem. You project that loud and clear. If you don't think "your the shet" how is someone else supposed to? We can sit here all day and tell you that your super, duper, amazing, gorgeous, funny, talented, worthy, attractive but if you don't believe this within yourself then you will continue your self fulfilling prophecy that your unlovable! Work on yourself, not just the outside but the inside. You project to some degree what people will think and feel about you. You have to become what you want to attract!


But I do realize I live in a very different world from everyone else, particularly universally attractive women like Jesse

Attraction to a large degree is defined by the culture and the people around us who influenced our life. This means that attraction will be different for everyone! I remember having dinner with a male friend of mine and he was looking at the pictures of men I thought were so "hot" and he was laughing and telling me they were average. Again my perception was largely based off my upbringing. No two people will think alike when it comes to attraction. So my point is that for someone you will be "hot" because you fit their image that was defined when growing up.

Hawking your problem has always been your self esteem. Somebody with healthy self esteem will not be able to withstand someone who lacks it for very long. People usually want equal partners. So you have to work on what your bring to the table emotionally.

Have your ever read Mark Manson's book and blogs? Might be a place to start. It's about building confidence, building from the inside out and attracting people to you. It's written for men but I honestly think a lot of it is valuable to everyone who wants to grow and evolve.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 44 (view)
 
broadening horizons vs lowering standards
Posted: 3/21/2016 8:40:39 PM

When you're constantly being hit on by nothing unattractive guys, it takes a toll on the self esteem.

Welcome to the world of online dating. I suppose this happens to a degree in real life as well but there's a fear factor IRL that isn't there with online dating. They have nothing to lose by filling up your in box. Online everyone's league seems to be skewed by their own imaginations.

If your going to use these type of sites then it's something your have to learn to deal with. Personally I couldn't handle it. I understand how after the 50th 70 year old, out of shape, no teeth, who just wants to "have some fun" writes to you, you start questioning where you fit in in the world. I went to a site where people have to mutually find each other attractive in order to write. You have to try different avenues and find one that works for you be it this site, another site, real life or a combination thereof.


If you think I am being shallow and self absorbed, feel free to say so.

Those that say to settle, you'll die alone and other carp I so often hear are the people who wind up in the most miserable relationships EVER. Why would you take advise from them?

Whatever peace' carp people like to spew about " you shouldn't judge physical attraction are full of bs". We're human, we judge everything from our food to our mates.

Physical attraction is the basis to every relationship and most certainly healthy ones. Everything else comes second. Personality, commonalities, goals, core values are the glue that hold couples together. A healthy relationship cannot exist without being able to see yourself mating with that person!

Going out with someone you know your not into is a disservice to yourself and the other person. Don't bother!
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 109 (view)
 
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/12/2016 1:04:10 PM
There's an easy way to stop this though most women find it uncomfortable. It's called being direct! "are we going to meet up this weekend or just exchange messages forever" bam done! You'll have an answer. If he disappears well you know he was playing the online fantasy game. If he makes a date then your dating. Games stop when you put people on the spot.

Many people here are just living an online fantasy! You can choose to be a character in their play or you can write your own reality tv show by being direct.
 Jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 39 (view)
 
are you seeing anyone? I know someone you should meet.,,
Posted: 2/21/2016 6:24:31 AM
I've been set up a couple different times and each time it was pretty much a disaster. There was pressure from my friends to "like" the guy and then of course when it didn't work between us it kind of put our mutual friends in a spot where they had to chose between us.

While I understand and appreciate my friends wanting me to be happy and loved, I really feel like people should find their own way to their soul mate. What they see as a great person, I likely will not hold that same opinion. What they see as a perfect romantic fit may not be my idea at all of a perfect fit.

For me it doesn't work and I've told my friends don't set me up anymore!

Do what you feel is right for you. Some people don't mind being set up. It's an avenue to meet other people you wouldn't normally meet.
 Jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Younger Men
Posted: 12/13/2015 8:12:54 AM
This thread is way old. Op is probably long gone by now. But... For what it's worth, in my experience, younger men can be way more mature than older men. Most older men I know have been in long term marriages (no where near ready to to get hitched again) and have young children. Their younger counter parts don't share in that experience.

Personally I won't date men older than me. It hasn't worked out well for me in the past. I've found that older men tend to be more over bearing (like op mentioned), controlling and are trying to play the field like their 22 making up for lost time they spent in their marriages and having toddlers with much younger women!

Ive had more older men contact me wanting to do the FWB thing (while they themselves are out of shape and unattractive) then younger men, who everyone one on here likes to claim younger guys are in it for sex!

Yes, being with a younger man probably won't get you paid vacations to The Bahamas or a new Benz every year for Christmas but you will get someone who is eager to share in your life and experiences, someone to have fun with and who might more closer match your activity level/attractiveness.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Marilyn Monroe was a size 14. Are curves beautiful?
Posted: 11/1/2015 7:14:21 AM

men that like thin/athletic women and men who like women with curves.
Online, there are a disproportionate amount of men that seem to prefer the thin/athletic build.


There's this whole confusion with the definition of "curves" mostly created by women who are over weight. To most men the definition of "curvy" is thin waist, thick thighs, nice round booty, and full breasts. It DOES NOT mean rolls of fat! Curvy figures are size 6-10 by today's sizes. These types of figures are most often seen by women who are athletes, workout fairly heavily with weights, squats ect. and/or plastic surgery. Beyonce, Kim K, Jennifer Lawerence, Iggy Azala, Eva Mendes, Christina Hendricks, J-Lo ect. These women are NOT fat. They work out and therefore have muscle tone, definition and gained "thickness" around their thighs and butts because of it. Curvy is height, weight to hip ratio proportionate.

A lot of women try to excuse the fact that their overweight by saying their "curvy". Please stop saying your "curvy" and call it what it is, over weight! It's fine to be over weight if that's what makes you happy but call it what it is!
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 7 (view)
 
On older ladies
Posted: 11/1/2015 6:51:30 AM

In my opinion, the younger guys who have a "fetsh" with older ladies are looking for an easy score. They're under the impression that older ladies are more desperate and/or they're having difficulties with the women their own age.

OP is 65 not 35. That means a "younger man" would likely be 50-55 hardly MILF hunting age that she's dealing with. I don't think that expression applies here in this situation.

OP, there is no magic place to meet the perfect one, that's fairy tale nonsense. My advise is to keep all your options open. Do some online dating as well as real life dating. The more activities you do and join the more chances you have to meet the men you are seeking. Meetup groups, from what I've seen often have men 50+ in them who are single. You could start there. My city also has a lot of dances, parties, events ect held at local churches and Eagles clubs (alot of these are posted through Meetup groups).

When your options dwindle maybe it's time to consider what restrictions you have placed on meeting the perfect guy. One restriction you have you mentioned is age. Maybe it's time to widen that door a little bit. Meeting a man whose 55 instead of 75 is going to give you more of a chance to meet someone who is mentally and physically able to keep up with you and broaden your pool of daters. Age difference in your 50's, 60's, 70's (dating someone 10-15 years younger) isn't going to be such an issue as it would be if you were in your 30's-early 40's dating 20 yr olds. So maybe give younger men a chance or older men even. In other words don't place restrictions on the possibilities to finding love.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 63 (view)
 
60-ish men with toddlers ...
Posted: 9/17/2015 6:42:14 PM

And I really hate to have to tell these guys I'm not interested in raising small children, but I'm not. That's a job best left to the youngsters.

So many men 40+ have young children. It's nuts. I met a 60 year old who has adult children and is now divorced with a 5&7 year old. A 50 yr old with 5 yr old.

At 40 I'm at the point where my son is 18 and I want to enjoy my life, a life full of travel, vacations, reading a book ALONE, doing whatever the heck I want when I want. Not raising a screaming child and changing diapers on the airplane whether it's mine or someone else's.

When older men tell me they have young children I silently laugh inside screaming haha mine is full grown sucks to be you! Glad you got a younger woman now?
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Did he move on ? Will he contact me again ? Should I contact him ?
Posted: 9/11/2015 8:20:53 PM

I am very confused as to what happened here and what this all means.

It means that this didn't work out and it's over. He's adding girls on Facebook and started dating again. You and he are DONE!


Was it my fault ?

Yes and No. Yes, Objectively it's good to reflect on the things in situations to which you contributed to their demise in order to make yourself grow. However reading your post I don't think your able to do this as your self esteem is WAY to low to take self criticism at the moment. No, because it sounds like he wanted out anyway. You did all the things he asked yet he still made excuses as to why you weren't right for him. I think when he first met you he had envisioned someone you weren't. (that his problem not yours).


Does he really want to stay in touch ?

No he doesn't want to be besties with you or talk to you like his girlfriend. He just doesn't want you to go super psycho on him so he does the "let's be friends" hoping that you won't stalk him, scale walls to see whose inside his apartment and all the other crazy stuff girls do when they don't get the hint to move on! He just wants to be civil to each other like if you were to run into each other in the grocery store.


Was he really that interested if it was so easy for him to walk away after I opened up to him ?

He was interested in you at first (he told you that) but then things changed to him. Your emotional sharing doesn't obligate someone to like you or have to be interested in you. When you share with someone do so because that's what you want not because you want to control another person or the outcome of said relationship.


But should I ?

Again there are always two sides to every road. You both contributed to the good and the bad. It's life! When your ready to look at your contribution then do so. At this time since your so focused on him and what he wants it will be near impossible to see it clearly. I know that your searching for "closure" but sometimes closure comes from within by letting go. Accepting that things have ended. Sometimes things end so that new and better things can come into your life. Work on healing yourself! Maybe start a topic asking for help to move on so that we can help you move through this instead of spinning your wheels on the Why did he? What does he? Does he love me? Let's talk about you!
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Just friends?
Posted: 9/11/2015 7:43:33 PM

1) Unsure what to do - I don't care how confident he is socially and in the business world....that does not mean he understands women, or knows what to do with a woman.....some guys forget or otherwise just don't know.

I agree and knowing the situation first hand I think he's confused. He likes you but the sequence of events that lead you here haven't exactly been a romantic happily ever after situation. Though I think you've come a long way past your breakup your still not 100% there and those of us around you recognize this. I'm sure he senses this!

I also know that some of the most successful men are also the complete opposite in their personal lives. Their often social awkward and relationship stunted in their personal lives. These men have devoted 100% of their time, energy and thoughts to business which doesn't translate the same way to relationships.

Just enjoy the time you spend with him. Understand what it's like to be treated well and get used to it so that you have higher expectations than you have had in the past. There's no need to be insecure! Make your feelings known if you want and drop the ball in his court. Let go!
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 616 (view)
 
AGE GAP
Posted: 9/7/2015 7:59:48 PM

You look 70. This makes me laugh. So many men think they look and act younger than their age.

At age 61, I received an entreating letter from a 73 year-old man. "I'm not attracted to women in their 70s, or even in their 60s," he wrote. "I'm physically at least 10 years younger than my age." He said he exercises four days a week, takes anti -aging vitamins, and won the Mr.______ Bodybuilding Championship at age 49.

He said he is the perfect match for me, apart from the hiking.

"At our age, a 12-year age difference is a serious concern for me," I replied. "Would you date an 85 year-old woman who claims she won the Ms. ______ Bodybuilding Championship at age 49? Of course not."

Guess what? He looks like a 73 year-old, wrinkled gnome.


LMAO so funny yet true! The entitlement of men is incredible.


Attractive women get annoyed when they get messages from creepy old guys. Often it drives them away. This restriction limits the number of ridiculous messages from old guys that women get.

Yes that's a big part of the problem with sites where anyone can just write you. The amount of time it takes to sort through the unwanted emails can become a full time job. Personally that's why I prefer sites like Tinder because it eliminates those that you don't feel mutually attracted to from writing you but that's a different subject.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 18 (view)
 
What did I do? What can I do now?
Posted: 9/5/2015 7:31:15 AM

The last guy this happened with I really like and he said he really liked me so we arranged to meet on sat but he couldn't give me a time. He hasn't spoken to me for 5 days now.

This is every day happenings here on OLD. Reasons?

1) married or otherwise attached (this embodies a large # of men using OLD) they never had intentions to meet. This is fantasy land. These guys are bored, lonely and horny and OLD provides their shallow egos proof that their their still in the game!

2) They had different plans. It's common for men on here to make last minute arrangements (not to commit to a date/time) to see if someone better pops up last minute whether that be hanging with the bros or a new woman

3) They realized you had different end goals (ie you want a relationship/they want some NSA)

There's so many more but these are a few big ones that seem to pop up time after time.


I sent him a message asking why, nothing. I said we could go back to just friends, nothing.

Don't do this! Have some self respect. If someone stops talking to you don't beg them to talk to you! Do you really want to be friends with someone who avoids making plans with you and then disappears for days at a time when you really want an answer from them? Your leaving the door open to walked over by writing to them asking these douchers to be "friends" with you.


He seemed to genuinely like me as much as I like him but I just can't get anything from him.

Nothing is real till it's real! Even when you meet in person people can still pretend to be one way but turn out to be another. Only through spending large amounts of time and lots of communication with someone can you really tell whether someone likes you or not. Learn to not give 110% of yourself until that person has earned that 110% and you won't be so disappointed because you haven't risked your heart life savings on a person you don't know!


What can I do? Why is this happening?

1)Part of it is your expectations and lack of boundaries. If you realize from the get go that flaking, people changing ect is common place you won't set an expectation and therefore won't be disappointed!

2)From there start learning to set boundaries. Anyone who doesn't give you a date/time for a date after XX amount of communication CUT THEM OFF and move on to the next one! As a person you will always attract both good and bad people but when you have good boundaries/self esteem bad people won't stay in your life very long.

3) Try other avenues for dating and other sites. Other sites work differently for other people! For me this site didn't work well but other sites have. Also try meeting people in real life. Meetups are a pretty common place to meet people in your age group with similar interests.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Are men genuinely 'actively seeking a relationship'?
Posted: 8/29/2015 10:38:10 AM
It happens to all of us regardless of looks.


Why the heck can't they have that on their profile? Change their settings to 'Wants to date but nothing serious'?

Because if they did that they would NEVER get laid! Most men go into dating wanting sex. Most women go into dating wanting a relationship. Two different objectives. Sometimes men find relationships and women find sex!

However I think that most men, even entering into a dating situation with sex on the brain, would be in a relationship with the right woman. But until that right woman comes along they will continue to have casual sex.

So my point is go into dating situations understanding these dynamics. Just because he says he's looking for a relationship but doesn't want one with you doesn't mean their lying. It just means that they'll take nsa sex until they find a girl they want to be in a relationship with. Look for the guy that is smitten with all of you and is willing to give you a relationship. Don't have sex with him till your sure you can get a relationship out of him.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 393 (view)
 
AGE GAP
Posted: 8/29/2015 7:40:41 AM

Nothing.
Doesn't mean that me, you or anyone else can't date outside our "immediate age group", whatever the phuck that means? Care to define?

You have no idea what age appropriate means? It's common sense! We don't need Wikipedia for this!


As in, you are asking simpletons a simple question. Start asking intelligent people questions and maybe you'll get replies that you can ponder on.

So now everyone that gets a question asked of them should have the average IQ of a genius in order to get a cohesive answer?
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 391 (view)
 
AGE GAP
Posted: 8/29/2015 7:20:01 AM

Unfortunately, it also stopped the barrage of young women not wanting to date guys their own age and blowing up the inboxes of men old enough to be their older youthful BF! ;(

Most mildy attractive young women don't have a problem attracting older men in real life or online. They don't need to blow up the inboxes of old men.


They all tell me that women their own age are "old ladies and can't keep up with them."

I call BS! There's little activity difference between a 45 yr old and a 50 yr old or a 60 yr vs a 65 yr old. I spent my early 20's dating older men and let me tell you this whole keep up with them is BS. It's almost entirely and ego/control/sexual thing. Since the invention of Viagra these men think their Superman in the sheets! I find it rather disgusting!

I have men 15/20/30 yrs older than me write to me on OKC all the time. It's such a turn off to know I'd be their arm candy that supports their fragile failing male ego. I want to find someone to live my life with not someone whose already lived life. Yes someday I'll be old, wrinkly, rocking chair, white haired old lady but I want my equal sitting next to me when that time comes not someone ten feet underground already! Just me though!
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 380 (view)
 
AGE GAP
Posted: 8/28/2015 9:40:27 PM

I am near mid 60s and do not think most women in 40s are too young,,,,

I'm always amused by the amount of old men who think that dating someone 20-30 years younger is age appropriate! WTF is wrong with dating women in your "immediate age group"? Which by the way isn't 15-20-30 yrs younger than yourself but 5-10+ yrs older/younger than you.

I for one was happy with the age restrictions. It stopped the barrage of old men not dating women their own age and blowing up the inboxes of women young enough to be their daughters!
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 192 (view)
 
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/28/2015 9:18:41 PM

What are men in their 40's looking for

Same thing men of almost any age are looking for Sex

Go out on lots of dates, interview many men. Walk in with eyes wide open. Wait a little while before having sex. You will see someone's true colors after a while.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How to get a girlfriend when you're special needs?
Posted: 5/3/2015 10:47:34 AM

I applied for 11 jobs in two weeks and no interviews.


It's not an easy job market out there for sure. I've been looking for work for like 4 months and I have two Bachelor's degree's. I just got a job finally last week. Don't give up. It's frustrating and sometimes depressing but lean on your support network to build you up through the tough times. I applied to thousands of jobs so 11 is nothing. Pick at least 5 jobs a day and apply especially if your applying on online resources like Craigslist, Indeed and Linkedln this should be easy. Also go into places and apply like grocery stores, restaurants ect. Many of those types of jobs won't be offered online.

Fix your resume! If your applying and not getting interviews there's two things going on either your resume and or cover letter sucks or it could also be that you lack job experience. There a couple of fixes for this, there are usually free job resources available to help you with your search. In WA State they have a program called WorkSource they not only have job listings but they have free workshops and training's one of which is a free resume workshop course. Look for something like this in your area. Maybe a school counselor could also do the same thing. If you lack job experience then volunteering will give you a great opportunity to gain the skills you need that employers are looking for. VolunteerMatch.com is a great resource for searching for opportunities. Plan your future, does the field your going into need schooling? Look into it now so you can enroll in


No girl wants a mentally slow guy

Do you have a diagnosis? That would help us provide resources and avenues you might try. It's hard to give out info for Autism if you have Bi-Polar disorder see what I mean? Are you just saying your "slow" because you feel down on yourself right now? A therapist would help greatly regardless of your diagnosis or lack there of.

So I posted this article about a new documentary on Love and Autism on another thread but I think there's something equally important regardless of having a disorder or not, in the message of the documentary made by a gentleman with Autism in regards to relationships he says " The thing I keep coming back to is that romantic love requires self-love. If we don’t love ourselves, and accept who we are, we’ll never find the romantic love we want and deserve. That’s especially difficult for many young adults with autism who really just want to fit in with their neurotypical peers." Love is really a journey about yourself that involves others not a journey for others that involves yourself!

Keep your head up high! There are good things yet to come for you. Your 19 still finding your way in life and so is everyone else your age and above. Cut yourself some slack! Your an amazing person with special gifts to share with those ready to receive them. Those that don't want them don't matter anyway!
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Think dating is hard, try dating while autistic
Posted: 5/3/2015 7:47:30 AM

OP-We all have something that might make dating a little difficult, be it overweight, having children, etc. Myself I'm a wheelchair user It doesn't mean its impossible to date , we just have to learn to maneuver around our difficulties when it comes to dating .


I agree 100%^^^

Important things will be sharing your diagnosis with those you date. Some won't understand and that's ok it's a great way to weed out those who would never want to be with you anyway long before you invest into them. Others, if given the option will understand or at least want to.

Work with a therapist on your compulsions/triggers and how to correct them. I have an adult son with Autism and working on these things with a therapist and with family daily has improved his life tons!


There's a new documentary about this very subject. Know that you aren't alone!
https://www.autismspeaks.org/news/news-item/039autism-love039-documentary-goes-tribeca-film-festival
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Strange behavior after date....Ideas?
Posted: 5/1/2015 6:38:51 PM
I've had guys do this to me that I was seeing. I never got blocked just unfriended though but the couple of cases it happened was

1) The guy I was seeing started seeing someone pretty exclusively and she made him unfriend "all the pretty girls" on his Facebook
2) Second time it happened I found out this guy I was seeing only had interest in sleeping with me. He had no intent to have a relationship with me and once he found out I wouldn't "put out" so easily he unfriended me yet he still would text me like I didn't know what happened. He eventually disappeared

So it's possible he either had someone who he just got serious with or his intentions of where the relationship was going to go didn't match yours so anticipating the need to disappear in the near future he protected his social media from the back lash. Of course he might try to sleep with you one more date. The guy in my case did as well. Kept texting me trying to ask me out.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 39 (view)
 
pictureless profiles
Posted: 2/15/2015 8:06:13 AM

I assume he is hiding something, likely married.
LH, does that apply to women without a photo too?

Yes it does. Although I think with women it's not so much that their married, but the hiding around their looks (usually weight and or age).


Only thing I like about it is less expectations - what I don't like about it is they probably think I am much much more ugly than I am. I'm OK looking but I feel the pictures hold me to higher expectations and lures in more pervs and shallows.

This goes back entirely to your lack of self esteem. If you aren't confident people will pick up on that right away. If you think your "ugly" people will treat you that way.


Why you women whine about perverted messages , yet you obviosly want guys to browse at your goodies is beyond me

Because you should be multi talented in your thought process. Control your thirst while realizing your sexually attracted (or find something sexually appealing about that person). You should be able to have more, bring more and do more than just sex. Here's where women and men tend to separate.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 8 (view)
 
what is the difference between a few extra pounds and BBW?
Posted: 2/15/2015 7:18:21 AM
Generally speaking

BBW is going to be size 16 and up

A few extra pounds (again here is where it gets dicey) size 12-16

You need to post full body pictures. Every man has their own threshold of weight. The body type boxes are just general barometers.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 31 (view)
 
pictureless profiles
Posted: 2/15/2015 7:14:22 AM
I spent 8 years with a man who first contacted me had no picture. In fact I didn't know what he looked like till I met him. Luckily he was gorgeous.

Would I ever do it again? Does lightening strike me twice? No probably not.

If you can't be comfortable enough to post a picture of who you are and what you look like, flaws and all, then that's a pretty good indicator there's going to be problems down the line.
 Jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 12 (view)
 
How many messages do women usually get a day?
Posted: 2/7/2015 5:26:24 PM
10-20 a day is about average. I also have age restrictions so if I lifted those it would be more. I have never made first contact on any of these sites. As the other poster pointed out it will vary depending on age, attractiveness and profile images.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 18 (view)
 
My life has an itch that I just can't scratch.
Posted: 2/3/2015 6:58:21 PM

My best friend has a new boyfriend, and I find myself alittle jealous that I don't have anyone. Whenever he is around I usually bail because three is a crowd

Happened to me. We used to go out all the time together then she started bailing on me. Turns out he didn't want her to go out. Pretty much wanted 99% of her free time. I realized that I became far to dependent on her anyway.

1) I started getting really fit. I joined the gym, started doing classes (where I met other women and men) and eventually joined Cross fit where I met more people. Not only did I meet good friends and expand my social circle but I put all my energy into myself looking and feeling great. I ended up joining an all womens hiking group when I took a class with one of the ladies at the gym who ran the group so I met more people.
2) I started doing Meetup groups. I found that I love to hike and moutaineer so I went to those Meetups where I met more people. BTW some of the Meetup groups are pretty small unless it's a big event their hosting.
3) I did volunteer work. Again threw myself into something I was passionate about.


In the end my girlfriend split from her boyfriend but my life was so busy that she kind of waits to see me not the other way around anymore.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 16 (view)
 
sends a Dear Jane text after 2 months?
Posted: 2/3/2015 1:43:34 PM
He's trying to reinvent the wheel. See if you'll respond probably so he can start things up again. It was a "feeler" test to see if your going to go down that path with him again.

He's bored and lonely. The other girl he was seeing for the past two months didn't work out.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Tinder
Posted: 1/25/2015 12:16:21 PM

So you're basically extolling the virtues of Tinder because it's solely based upon looks? Because it is, you know. It is probably the most unabashedly shallow dating site on the planet.

Everything is "based solely upon looks" until proven otherwise regardless of where you meet. So your trying to say that the woman in the gym you talk to, you like her because the way she lifts a 5 pd dumbbell? Of course not. You find her physically attractive as a mutual starting point. That's where everyone starts IMO. Why do you feel the need to think that a natural component of attraction is shallow? Finding someone you'd like to potentially mate with in the future is not shallow, it's a starting point.


I like the fact that only mutually attracted individuals can contact each other, and that would be amazing if POF integrated this component. But then again, we'd get even more (if that's possible) nice guy rants here.

So in one sentence you say it's "shallow" and the other sentence you say it's a good thing. Which is it? And yes I agree you would have far more nice guy why don't they message me back rants because men can't accept the fact that their not that hot and their shooting WAY out of their league.


but the concept behind it makes me feel a little dirty (and not in a good way)

I'm not sure why it makes you feel dirty? Um because you found someone physically attractive and they the same?


because even if somebody lies on it, you get a picture of what the person is like.

There is little to nothing on a profile that gives you an idea of what someone's like. Some people are bad writers hence they are never fully expressed on paper, some people lie or truly believe the things they say when the reality is none of it is even close to true in fact I've NEVER seen people self deprecate in their profiles. To get to know someone only comes through spending time with that person and communication. Anything less is all just fluffy BS.

I'm not saying everyone has to use Tinder. Everyone has the thing that works for them. I'm just saying don't close yourself off to the possibilities of an opportunity because of assumptions "it's a hook up site" "it's shallow" "it's looks based only". It might work for some and obviously it worked for you.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Socia/dating life upgrade
Posted: 1/25/2015 9:40:44 AM
Just google "meetup.com".

Meetups are great. I go to them frequently. There's no pressure to meet someone and most of the people are in the same boat you are, they have little to few friends or their friends don't like the activities they like. I know my area even has an "introvert" meetup group.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Confirmed: no elligible bachelors within a 100km radius :-(
Posted: 1/25/2015 7:23:21 AM

At the moment I´m keeping a low profile after a negative experience and I´m only here, mainly for the forums ;-)

I can certainly understand. POF doesn't work that well for me. I have better luck on Tinder. Where ever you decide to land make sure your pictures are good, lots of them and up to date. You don't need a big long profile. As Petula said men are pretty visual. Pictures are 99% of online dating.


There may be an explanation after all: this area of Spain was the worst hit by the crisis, and since 2008 10,000 people have moved away. Most of them would be professional people with no family commitments that can find a better prospect in Madrid, Barcelona, o abroad.


It's very possible. I wouldn't say that there are no eligible bachelors in your town it's that there are no eligible bachelors that YOU WANT in that town. As I said in my previous post the same thing happens in my town. There are eligible bachelors here if I want to go 1) very young 2) marry a military guy or 3) go really old but I'd rather make a little bit of a commute to better opportunities. You aren't going to get everything you want. Life is about compromise and this is one that I make for my love life.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Doing some research this weekend.
Posted: 1/24/2015 9:46:10 PM

I hope I get an a+++. Finals coming up!!

Umm I hope your kidding because your information is wrong. Where did you get this? From Wikipedia?


Darwin also claims that when two people have sex, usually the man falls in love as a result and women try to seek seed from many partners.

Your wrong. Darwin never postulated this idea. In fact it's almost backwards from what he really did say. In humans the birth process, care taking/parenting is longer and humans generally only give birth to one to two children during a females lifetime (unlike other animals capable of birthing many children at one event) than almost any mammal therefore it's in the interest of the female and her offspring to choose wisely whom she mates with. SHE DOES NOT SEEK SEED FROM MANY. She may court many suitors but only the strongest, most fertile male will mate with her since reproduction is so limited. Men on the other hand will seek to spread their seed ensuring their own generational survival seeking to be the "fittest".
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Tinder
Posted: 1/24/2015 8:35:17 PM

this advantage is outweighed by the disadvantage of having limited profile information to go on. Arguably it makes women work harder than on most other dating sites: they have to interact some with ALL the men they find physically attractive in order to find out if their personalities and lifestyle are equally attractive, whereas on POF they can ignore a very large percentage of physically attractive men right from the get-go because those men have bad profiles or bad statistics/characteristics that makes those physically attractive men overall unattractive.

And this is what I was trying to point out earlier although I don't think it's actually a disadvantage it's an advantage. It mirrors real life meeting. In real life you don't get a bio in front of you, you get a name and a face, the rest is up to you to figure out. Your forced to as you say "interact" with that person instead of interacting on a web page. I've met men on Tinder and in real life that I would NEVER consider dating on POF. I get to know the person instead of some fake written bio that's probably only about 10% true. Ok yeah he smokes, maybe he has a couple of kids or his job isn't the greatest but I like his personality, how he treats me. On POF I would have disqualified him from the get go. In some ways Tinder eliminates the shopping for Mr./Mrs. perfect that is created by trying to match interests, personalities and whatever other mostly useless info goes into a written profile.


Some women, especially older women, can’t see themselves starting emotional involvement with a man at all unless they know more about them than just what they look like

Yes that's true but what most people forget is that emotional investment can only be done through time, communication and being together, bonding. A written profile does not equate to emotional security. Therefore regardless of how you meet (POF, Tinder, real life) an investment can only happen with the 3 things I said above happen. A written profile is a false sense of security.


Perhaps she was just stroking her ego while hiding behind her phone.


Some say that the way the Tinder algorithm is designed is that the more you say yes or match with people the more pictures it will show you. Some people run out of people to search it will say "sorry there are now new matches in your area" apparently this is because the user was extremely picky and said no to just about everyone. Therefore some will match everyone just to get more options.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Confirmed: no elligible bachelors within a 100km radius :-(
Posted: 1/24/2015 8:07:31 PM

where I live there are no potential suitors (unattached men between 40-50 y.o. with a job, the ability to maintain an intelligible conversation and to withstand a 5km walk without collapsing).


I understand, I think even if you live in a city full of options finding what you have listed above is difficult.

Maybe you need to change some things about you:
*Why not date younger or older than the 40-50 range?
*Try a different site. Tinder has at least if not more options than POF does. It's one of the larger sites.
*60 miles isn't horrible. I frequently date guys this distance because the men in my town are either 1) in the military or 2) older state workers like much older than myself. I won't date either. The pool of guys is much better north of me so I make the effort.
* So some of this is you and your profile. If I can be frank with you, you have one picture of yourself in a pool that's faded out. Guys are NOT going to drive 60 miles let alone 5 miles for a girl they really can't see. Most of the guys on here have been catfished or are deathly afraid of being catfished and won't even bother when they can go out with someone they have more security with. Make yourself as attractive as possible and you'll have more options.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 57 (view)
 
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/24/2015 7:41:19 PM

Sometimes women have done some of all of these things during a date and there still wasn't another date.

Nothing is absolute however I have found that men are pretty straight forward in how they feel which is communicated through behavior.

Men are bad at faking interest, women are good at it. Men are simple in their intentions most of the time. Women can throw mixed signals. A guy whose not interested in you, while he'll usually be polite, won't take things further. Women on the other hand will and then just blow the guy off later. Women will kiss a guy their not interested in, men won't, at least that's my experience for the most part.


I don't ask a woman out on another date during a date itself. I would wait until after the date. Some women will say yes when they aren't interested to avoid a potential confrontation.


True and sometimes they won't however there is usually some talk of the future ie: "I'd like to see you again", "when are you free", "this was fun let's do it again". I usually know by the end of the date if there's no future talk and it ends with a "nice to meet you hug" I won't be hearing from them again. Usually I feel the same way as well so it's all good.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 51 (view)
 
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
Posted: 1/24/2015 7:50:06 AM

what are some things a guy has done

* he sets up a second date or asks when he can see me again
* he asks about my life on the date or things about me
* Often he will be touchy or be close to me in some way physically
* usually he'll want to spend as much time as he can on the date. If it was a drinks or coffee date a suggestion to go somewhere else or do something else happens. Not always but a lot of the time they don't want the date to end if they like you.


not done that would tell he is not that into you

* no mention of the future or future dates
* Talks about himself
* Almost 100% of the time if we do the "it was nice to meet you" followed by "the hug" then it's game over. Won't hear from them again.


In the mean time I had another man ask me out & I said no to him because I really wanted to see how it'll go with this 1st guy.

Why would you not go out with this second guy. Why would you take yourself off the market for a man you barely know? That's like turning down 10 grand because you feel like you have the winning lottery ticket at home.

This first guy might turn out to be an azz, he might only be calling you when he's bored and lonely or he might turn out to be the one, he's just busy so he contacts you sporadically. You won't know until enough time has passed to reveal his true intentions. Why would you put all your eggs in one basket without first making sure the basket doesn't have a whole in the bottom?
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Honestly..LOL
Posted: 1/17/2015 7:59:33 AM

Is it just me or is there a large amount of individuals who think maybe if they say relationship they can lure people easier into NSA fun.

Welcome to internet dating..... Yes it's a playground for men who want easy NSA. Think about it? Why would they not? It's so much easier then going to a bar and risking rejection.. Just log onto POF and send a message. So much easier then trying to talk to the girl in the gym who might be married... Just log onto POF and send a message. So much easier then actually planning and going out on a date.... Just log on and send a message.

Almost EVERYONE puts "looking for a relationship". It's up to you to do the detective work part. In fairness some:

* Think they want a relationship in their heads but aren't able to actually follow through with it.
* Some want a relationship just not with you so they'll have sex with you instead till Mrs. Ideal comes along.
*Many know they aren't capable or just don't want a relationship ( I had a guy last night on Tinder tell me he just got divorced and he's now only looking for "fun and passionate" nothing serious.) but they'll play along enough to hopefully get to talk to you.


with a profile pic like that, do you "honestly" expect to find a marriage or LTR prospect!??! You do have more modest pics on your profile but you chose that one as your default.

"HONESTLY....LOL"

I've seen you attack other women's bodies many times before with this time warped version of sexuality. It's almost as if your afraid and jealous, at least that's how it comes across. I don't know if you realize that or not? You some how seem to imagine that if one wears a cloak and veil then that makes them "marriage material". Clothes don't make one relationship material, personalities do......

And for those all upset about boobs, let me tell you, though I don't have them myself, several of my friends have them and there's no hiding that fact. They stick out, fall out, poke out, flop out, hang out.... their there. Even wearing a turtleneck it's a pretty prominent feature so get over it.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Tinder
Posted: 1/10/2015 4:02:48 PM

How can you know a guy is legit from Tinder as opposed to dating sites?

You don't on any site. However there is less
"I'm a great father" but reality is he hasn't seen his kids in 10 years
"I love to work out" but reality is he hasn't stepped foot in a gym New Years resolution 20o2
"I hike, fish and camp" but reality is he hasn't done those things since Boy Scouts elementary school.

Anyone can make themselves look good on paper it's much harder to do that in real life.

One of the biggest drawbacks I've found with online dating is that there is HUGE expectations going into a first date from both sides. A lot of that comes from profile writing. Your expecting a guy who works out and sadly disappointed when he's got a beer belly. Your expecting a guy who like to hike and camp and your upset when you find out he hasn't done those since childhood. You saw a guy whose profile said he was 6'2" and now your pizzed that he's only 5'7" with shoes. You expecting a guy who said he wanted a relationship and now your done with dating when you find out he's only there to hook up.

None of these expectations would be set up if they hadn't been written in the first place. With Tinder there isn't much you can write therefore, in my opinion, it mirrors real life more so then the rest of the sites do. Your forced to go into a date getting to know someone story instead of already knowing a BS story. You have to ask questions. You have to listen and interact much the same way you do if you were to meet someone at a bar, club, gym or grocery store. The only commonality you have is that your physically attracted to one another same as real life.

I've found that people are less apt to fake who they really are in person to your face. It happens all day long on paper though....we're all super hero's in writing....
 
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