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 Author Thread: Quirky Things You Find Attractive?
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Quirky Things You Find Attractive?
Posted: 5/5/2013 6:26:50 AM
Hmmmm - I want to answer this one but not really sure. I generally don't like the 'standard' sort of hot guy but not sure what exact combination attracts me.

1. I do like men who I can smell their actual personal scent - I don't mean like sweat or anything but there have been a couple of men I've known who had a combination of pheromones or something that I adored.

2. I like the feel of certain types of hair (head) that's been close cropped, the change in texture when you caress in one direction then the other is ace.

3. Soft hands the larger the better

4. The curve where a guy's neck meets his shoulder - there's a certain shape that's just adorable (hate it when muscled guys distort that area

5. High arches

6. Shyness

7. Ability to talk about politics, philosophy or religion

8. Certain shades of red hair
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Relocating to UK
Posted: 4/13/2013 2:07:02 PM
OP

I'm American and I moved to the UK nearly 8 years ago and it can really be an expensive hassle to relocate get the right to work. If you are 31 or younger you can come here for 2 years I believe and a special commonwealth scheme for young adults. Otherwise you are gonna need to have a job offer and sponsorship or become a student. I believe you can come here for 6 months as a tourist visa (granted on entry) but you will not have access to the NHS or anything funded by tax payers. You said you have family? If you have a grandparent born in the UK I believe you can gain the right to stay and work here along the ancestry route - same is true for Ireland.

I live in the Northwest, jobs can be hard to come by and many companies will have a difficult time proving they cannot fill a position with a British or EU worker. That said, if you have an MBA that's almost a free pass if you also have a bit of money - well at least it use to be, things might have changed since I had to care about immigration stuff.

Oh a side note - it use to annoy me to no end when people would complain about immigrants coming to the UK and taking this that and the other. Speaking from experience, I was very clearly told that as a non-EU citizen I had no access to Public Funds this included

Council Housing
Child Tax Credit
Working Tax Credit
Child Benefit
Food Banks
Housing Assistance of any kind
Council Tax Benefit
Social Fund
Non-income related Job Seekers (yes there are two kinds of job seekers one based on on how much tax you've paid and one you get just for existing and being a British resident)
Most services through the job centre
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Is it me or are there double standards here?
Posted: 4/12/2013 1:12:34 AM
OP

Reply with a lengthy message but don't put any spaces between the words...
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Racist or just rude?!
Posted: 4/11/2013 12:03:04 PM
Hmmmm - I would say odds are it was racism. But, as they were older it could also have been an age thing. I was raised (int he USA) to always let older people in front or give up your place for them as a sign of respect - don't know if it's the same in SA.

That said, I've only met two South Africans in my life - one was extremely smarmy and sexist and the other tried to chat me up. Dunno what that means.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 13 (view)
 
while im in a rant mood - ages on here
Posted: 4/11/2013 11:39:49 AM
Grrrrr I hate liars as a general rule. Lying is a symptom of massive character flaws which will only cause trouble down the line. A person should try to use subterfuge to engage with others. It shows a lack of respect for the person and selfishness on the part of the liar.

On the age issue - I love telling people my proper age, I have been blessed with good skin genes and most people don't believe me. It's quite funny when I mention I have a 14 year old daughter and I see the wheels turning trying to guess how old I must have been without asking if I was a teen mom.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 70 (view)
 
If you were the other woman - would you want to know?
Posted: 4/9/2013 4:08:59 PM
Well folks here's the update. I did a little more digging (advice for cheaters - clear your Skype history). Dilema over! She knows about me and his step daughter - in fact she's with someone else as well. Her partner/husband is away a lot so they have been sneaking behind his back as well. She's even been round to his work to pick him up. Oh and he had a second part-time job which apparently they made up to give him time away. She's been paying him to 'housesit' when her husband is away.

So no need to worry about telling her anything - the both of them apparently know far more than I do. He's moved out today so it really doesn't matter in the long run. I do feel a bit shit though...

What a complete knobend and a jerk. I asked him multiple times if there was someone else and if he wanted to be with another person please just let me know - they had been together for months at that point.

Now there's the long hard struggle to avoid bitterness...wish me luck and thanks to all the folks who replied
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 17 (view)
 
please help :(
Posted: 4/8/2013 10:34:27 AM
OP

Sorry to say - he's probably with someone else. Sounds like he's just sorting out the other relationship before he dumps you. Looks like it's time to have the courage to move on. It hurts like hell but you are young, pretty and seem like a nice girl so eventually you'll find someone else. You don't deserve to be treated that way - he's left your relationship mentally so you might as well take the final step and do it physically. You'll feel a lot better in the end.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 57 (view)
 
If you were the other woman - would you want to know?
Posted: 4/7/2013 3:06:30 PM
On the issue of living situation, he is moving out this week so I won't have to see him that often. It is hard not telling his family, they are very very against infidelity and take marriage very seriously. I do think it's going to just cause more grief for me to tell the new lady. She will eventually figure it out and I have to think of me and mine for a while and make sure things are running smoothly for my daughter. He's not very careful tbh. He done things like send us both identical messages (xxx love you miss you listen to this beautiful song it makes me think of us). Literally there was an email that had obviously been copied and pasted to both of us word for word. One day he's gonna screw up and send the wrong thing to the wrong person. [/vindictive whine]

On the plus side - England generally makes it tricky to divorce in 'no fault' situations unless you've lived apart for 2 years. This way I can file for divorce with infidelity as the cause and not have to wait.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 50 (view)
 
If you were the other woman - would you want to know?
Posted: 4/7/2013 10:09:56 AM
He already knew it was over. How did YOU find out about his affair?


I think if someone knows their marriage is over they shouldn't continue to say they love you, live in the house with you, make plans and most certainly shouldn't look in your face the day after they've been with their girlfriend - at the very least they should tell you and leave. It's just common curtesy to let the other person know so they aren't in the dark and can begin the process of moving on. If you look at the post I mentioned that we share a computer which auto logged into his email which I initially thought was mine as it's the same provider. I think when you see 'love you' and references to female genitalia you become curious.


Sure...Are you two separated people living in the same home?


Yes. He couldn't afford to move out and even though he has a major drink problem I allowed him to stay until he could save up and find a place. Before you ask yes the home is in my name and I am the main wage earner.


What makes him an a**hole?

He's cheated once before but after we went through therapy I had hoped it wouldn't happen again. I said to him that if he wanted to be with someone else just tell me as I didn't want to ever be with a person that felt trapped - it's not healthy and no one would be happy. Instead he decides he would like to maintain whatever benefits he had from the marriage and keep a lady on the side instead of manning up and saying he wanted to go.

He's got a major problem with drink and I have been more than supportive with that. I wanted our marriage to work - I was willing to do anything reasonable. He didn't want to work fulltime - ok even though it's a major strain I thought it was fair enough to spend some time thinking and looking for a new career. Instead he used all that free time to galavant.

He complained for weeks (usually when drunk) how all his problems were my fault cause I dared to things like meditate (it annoyed him because he thought meditation was a waste of time), be a therapist when everyone knows depression and anxiety don't exist, make to do lists to stay organised and sometimes mistake British artists for American - oh and talked to much.

I was done trying when he started being drunk in front of my daughter and yelled at her. He always managed to keep his nasty side away from her because they had a good relationship - but it just got away from him and I could't have it anymore.

Overall I guess it doesn't matter now. In hindsight it says a lot about his behaviour. He obviously didn't want to be with me but didn't know how to say it - which I still don't understand as I left my first marriage for the very same reasons and said I would understand having been through it. I just wish I had known so I could have gotten a headstart on moving on with my life too
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 26 (view)
 
If you were the other woman - would you want to know?
Posted: 4/6/2013 8:39:52 AM
Thanks everyone who posted. To address a few things brought up

TN Pearl
We aren't going to move forward together. He cheated once before and I was ready to pack up and go back the America (He's British and I'm American - we live in Britain) but his family was so disappointed and he pleaded so we went to months of counselling and he got help for some other issues. Fast forward 2 years and here we are. I'm done. I only took him back the first time because I really really REALLY didn't want to divorce.

Scotty63
No dude you are wrong. It's not 100 wanting revenge. I'm just not that kind of person - I don't blame her and I'm not mad at her for anything. In fact, I've never understood getting mad at the other woman, it's not her fault and she didn't have the commitment to me. I genuinely feel sorry for her and I would hate to be in her position - in human interaction I have an overactive imagination in the form of excessive empathy. My heart is just too soft for revenge - I even find it difficult to get really angry. However, I agree most likely no good will come from it with regard to my life.

deer_rancher
See above.

ArtDeVivre777
He's not the father of my child. Thank goodness we never had children together. Long term there's no benefit to me as a person or to my life or my daughter's life. I will probably eventually tell his family as they seem to want us to work things out. There are only so many questions of 'maybe you can work it out if ____ sorts out his problems'

I think I am just going to go with not saying anything to her. I feel a bit bad as a person as I would want to know if I were in her place - but that said, she is a stranger to me and it will probably cause more negative fallout for me and my daughter. I will just hope for the best for her - who knows maybe they are better suited to each other and they will be happy and all his problems will disappear.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 8 (view)
 
If you were the other woman - would you want to know?
Posted: 4/6/2013 4:55:01 AM

I'm more interested in the fact that your maths adds up to 97.5%......what's the other 2.5% telling you??


I was wondering if someone would notice that :)

the other 2.5% is human decency and feeling a bit sorry for the lady that she's in that situation.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 1 (view)
 
If you were the other woman - would you want to know?
Posted: 4/6/2013 4:21:10 AM
Well, I've separated from my husband. He's not acted overly happy about it but he ho needed to happen for a variety of reasons. I've recently discovered that he has been having an affair with another woman even before we decided our relationship was over. As far as I can tell she has no idea that he was married. I saw an email from her questioning him on his dodgy behaviour and saying he had better not be up to something. (in case you are wondering we shared a computer and I tried to log into my email and it auto logged into his and there were the emails)

So here's the question - do I just leave it or tell her? 95% of me just wants to leave it and not even tell him I know or bother about that poor lady. But of course a small vindictive bit maybe about 2.5% wants to ruin his new relationship for being an ***hole.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Stop the world, I want to get off!
Posted: 4/2/2013 10:34:57 AM
I have to admit I rolled my eyes when I first read that Lego story. But then I remembered the odd shop I've walking into selling golliwogg dolls. I certainly consider those highly offensive and if I could somehow get people to stop selling them I certainly would. So I'm a bit torn really...
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Question For The Ladies
Posted: 3/31/2013 6:06:46 PM
No never. To be honest I don't go out looking - generally I've gotten propositioned and turned people down (especially in the UK were casual sex is very very common). I guess getting older means that will happen one day!
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Dating with a learning disability
Posted: 3/31/2013 5:41:48 PM
I dated a guy with ASD once. It was ok for the first few dates but then it became very difficult. I felt like I was always on eggshells with our conversations. He had a difficult time interpreting what I was saying and was offended very easily. He also had a difficult time with concepts like theory of mind and seeing things from my perspective seemed baffling. Also he was very ridged about certain things and became anxious when things changed. I learned early on I couldn't manage it.

That said, if I were dating, I wouldn't necessarily rule someone out with ASD. In part because I understand social awkwardness. No one has ever tried to diagnos me with ASD but as a child and teen I thought people were completely baffling - the nuance of complex social interactions was lost on me. So, empathy makes me a bit more forgiving than the average person.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Anime Fans?
Posted: 3/28/2013 9:31:32 AM
I like anime. My all time fav is Soul Eater. I've also watched Oran High School Host Club, Vampire Knight (for a good laugh), Fairy Tale and I started watching Full Metal Alchemist but haven't gotten very far. Also tried the anime Witch Blade but couldn't really get into. My daughter tried to get me to watch Azumanga Daioh but I was like YAWN.

I love Hayao Miyazaki films - dunno if that counts as anime. I also quite like the web comic Hetalia. Soooooooo funny!

People tend to think I'm very strange for like anime - especially at my age but I'm beyond caring.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Musical instruments?
Posted: 3/28/2013 2:33:17 AM
I played the violin rather seriously for about 12 years. Haven't really looked at it for about 10 years. I'd join up :)
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Wow. What a nutjob!
Posted: 3/27/2013 2:55:12 PM
OMG this thread has just made my night. I've been laughing for the last 10 minutes. Cheers to all of you guys hahahahahahahah
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 45 (view)
 
What do you think is missing in current comedy, especially in the UK?
Posted: 3/27/2013 11:35:04 AM
I like most British comedians I've seen. I avoid the old school working men's club guys like the plague (Roy Chubby Brown comes to mind) but lots of the guys I've seen on TV are very funny. Mike McIntyre, Rod Gilbert, Doc Brown and a few others, who's names escape me at the moment, are hilarious. I do agree with the poster who said there are hardly any ladies in stand-up in the UK scene. Shappi Khorsandi is a British woman of Iranian descent who's HILARIOUS, there's also Gina Yashere and Andi Osho.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Messaging British Women
Posted: 3/22/2013 1:49:11 PM
OP - dude you will not have a problem when you get to the UK. Ok maybe the distance thing will be an issue. I'm from the US (been in the UK for 6.5 years) and the distance thing is still a bit funny to me.

But seriously, all you have to do is open your mouth and go about with our fabled extroversion and you will be very popular. Unless you go to St Andrews in Scotland, when I lived near there the place seemed to be overrun with us and no one gave a fig about yet another American running around the place.

I'm not a guy but I've found that being American is generally looked upon favourably as long as you aren't being a jerk. Good luck dude.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Dating superior/inferior careers to your own
Posted: 3/6/2013 2:59:32 PM
Personally I couldn't care less. I care far more about what a person's character and personality are like and if we get along. I would even go so far as to say if I guy wants to not have a job and be a house husband that's fine too - as long as he does a good job of it.

At the end of the day as long as you can pay your bills, create a joint vision of life and feel for each other - it's all good. Life is to hard to worry about useless crap like careers and status derived from such...
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 143 (view)
 
Does Anyone Else Worry About Growing Old Alone???
Posted: 3/5/2013 11:11:34 AM
Sometimes - but then I've spent most of my adult life married so in some ways the prospect of being alone now seems like a relief.

I do worry about loneliness but you can feel that just as easily with a 'partner' as without :( - as some have already mentioned that's actually worse.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Unable to break-up with somoene
Posted: 3/2/2013 5:57:02 PM
Dude, invite her for coffee or phone her if she's not willing to see you. Take a deep breath and tell her that it's not going work - be honest and straight forward about that bit but don't tell her about the other woman. Your relationship is over, you screwed up big time starting something with the new woman without officially breaking up with the first one but she doesn't need to know that. It will only cause her more grief.

From now on man the f*** up and be honest. So what if you are not comfortable breaking up with someone. If you are not happy with someone you owe it to them as a decent human being to be responsible enough to tell them and then move on. It's hard and it really really sucks but it will cause a lot less grief in the ling run.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Guys sending creepy or perverted messages
Posted: 3/2/2013 1:33:21 PM

At least if a guy sends you a pervy message he's being upfront about his intentions. Nothing worse than thinking you have been talking to someone normal only to discover a few conversations down the line that he's into erotic asphyxiation. I'm sure I could happily oblige with the asphyxiation bit, but I doubt it would have been termed as erotic


Omg tell me about it! I was on this site for all of one day and had several of these - guys asking to buy sweaty socks, someone wanting to be a slave - actually had 3 offers for slaves, must be my height that conjures up images of that dunno. I just laugh and delete them. I sometimes consider sending a reply asking if that's ever ever worked and directing them to adult friend finder or something but I figured that might encourage them...
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Dating Deal Makers
Posted: 3/2/2013 12:28:40 PM
Making me laugh. If I'm laughing that makes up for a lot of other things. Um - being the same height as stated in the profile. Finding out we have something obscure in common - e.g. we like the same anime or something. Good conversation, if I've not spoken to someone over the phone, accent can be a big plus. I'm American so I love love British accents, unless it's one I can't understand very well.

I'd say laughing is the best though - it doesn't have to be a stand up routine but just a way of phrasing things that's amusing and interesting.
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 20 (view)
 
To accept children, or not to accept children? That is the question.
Posted: 3/2/2013 12:06:38 PM
I wouldn't worry about wanting a childfree partner whatever the reasons. This is vetting and it's a good thing! Making that decision shows that you know yourself and what you want out of life. If you honestly feel that involvement with under 18's is not for you than any dude with children by definition wouldn't be Mr Right.

I applaude your ability to be bluntly truthful - it will save you and others a lot of misery down the road. And I'm a parent lol
 IonaM
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Need advice
Posted: 3/2/2013 9:05:41 AM
I am sorry that this has happened to you - like a previous poster I do believe it is a double edged sword that you could have that much trust. You have a belief in goodness and hope and a lack of cynicism that is enviable - unfortunately the reason people have to think about safety and become cynical is because life can be very dangerous for the trusting.

I suggesting thinking long and hard about your responsibility to the child(dren) you have. If you are unable to keep yourself safe due to emotions and love think of the safety of those you are responsible for. As a mother your first duty should be to protect your children - this may require you to develop skills and attitudes to life which might not come naturally but are important to keeping them safe. I.e. don't invite virtual strangers into your home until they have a proven, verifiable track record of stability and decency.

With that in mind invite you to watch the following video on vetting people you are dating. Especially minutes 6-9.30

Actually I'm not sure if I can post video links. Does anyone know if that's allowed? I should probably read the forum rules more closely lol
 
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