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 Author Thread: Is this normal for online dating?
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Is this normal for online dating?
Posted: 8/17/2016 2:25:36 PM
The only disturbing part is how you are stalking a guy you've barely talked to and never met before. The issue is with your level of insecurity and self esteem, not his internet habits.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Sexless Relationship in Georgia....should i stay or should i go?
Posted: 8/17/2016 1:08:41 PM
The selfish thing to do is stay in a sexless relationship "for the kids"...that is absolutely terrible advice. The hard thing to do, the selfless thing to do, is to leave if your partner is unwilling to attempt to fix or even acknowledge such a fundamental problem with the relationship. I promise you your kids aren't going to thank you for having to grow up watching their parents be miserable. In any case, nine times out of ten, the person pretending they are not interested in sex, for whatever arbitrary and usually ridiculous reason, is simply getting it somewhere else anyway.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Does your attraction go down if a woman messages you first?
Posted: 5/8/2013 5:59:24 PM

Is there any advice for getting men to reply to my messages?



I'm also not having trouble getting men to respond


It sounds like you have no clue what you are trying to say since you just keep contradicting yourself.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Does your attraction go down if a woman messages you first?
Posted: 5/8/2013 5:07:50 PM

My primary question is if there is a psychological phenomena that would make a man deem me less desirable by virtue of me having messaged first.


Not sure where in the world you could have possibly got that idea, but no, not remotely. Are you just trying to find reasons that don't have to do with you and your profile?


Assuming all things equal (his level of attraction to me, his current mood, etc) would a man naturally have more desire for me if he messaged me first?


No and why are you even correlating these things? It's completely arbitrary. There are dozens of reasons why a guy would find you less desirable and it is different for every guy.


Is there any advice for getting men to reply to my messages? Or does game theory not work on men (either they think you're hot or they don't)?


You claim you have an inbox full of messages. Whatever the reasons are for you not messaging those guys back are likely the same reasons the guys you message don't message you back - they don't find you attractive, don't like your profile, don't think you're compatible, etc.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Is life alone a question that should be asked.(not bitching)
Posted: 5/7/2013 11:28:06 PM
Seeing as procreation is a basic human instinct and vital for the species to survive, no, people aren't "meant" to be alone.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Too pushy
Posted: 5/7/2013 11:06:13 PM

I'm not too bothered about the why's, as it became quite clear to me that he had ex issues, and to me he didn't seem ready for a relationship. Just wondering if I should act differently with the next guy I date?


If everything you say is true and this guy was just completely unreasonable and possibly unstable, there is no reason for you to act differently with the next guy. If, on the other hand, you aren't being honest with yourself and maybe other guys in the past or close friends have mentioned that you are "too pushy" or tend to smother people, yes, you should probably change your behavior going forward.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Ex Escort?
Posted: 5/7/2013 11:02:37 PM
1) we are 4 years in the making and our relation is very special, do u think his reaction is harsh? The past is the past???


This is why you don't wait 4 years to tell someone you claim is "very special" something that big, secretly hoping that you have him invested enough that he will let it slide. Also, how can you possibly claim something is a "huge skeleton" in one breath and in the very next say his reaction was harsh? The fact that you kept it a secret for so long is indicative of the fact that you know very well it was a big deal.


2) do I tell my next partner? If so when?? Do guys really want to know?


Either you tell him right away or you don't tell him at all, what you don't do is wait 4 years to tell him. Just know that if you don't say anything and he finds out later that you lied, you will likely be done. So unless you like to live in fear of your big secret being revealed one day, i suggest you tell the guy early on. Not all guys will have a problem with it.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Too pushy
Posted: 5/7/2013 2:25:47 PM
Obviously the way you've presented it makes him look like the unreasonable one, but i'm willing to bet if he was here to defend himself the examples would be significantly different. Either way, it doesn't sound like he was particularly interested in you to begin with and only wanted to see you if he had absolutely nothing better going on. Saying you were "too pushy" was just an excuse to break up with you and, as is almost always the case, you will never REALLY know why he broke up with you.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Had my first POF date last week. What happens now?
Posted: 5/7/2013 1:04:57 PM
You'll quickly learn that one "OK" date doesn't necessarily mean you'll get another one. It's common for people on here to kid themselves that as long as the date doesn't go horribly wrong, say someone catching on fire, that a second date is just assumed. In your case, it just sounds like you were into him more than he was into you. If he was interested, he would have contacted you within a week. On the other hand, he may have been waiting for you to contact him and since this is 2013, you are, in fact, allowed to do that.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Flirting and that's that
Posted: 5/7/2013 11:13:22 AM
Honestly, the entire thing sounds like middle school except that you are 28 years old. If you are that desperate for his attention, especially since someone else is "competing" with you, keep doing what you're doing. Alternatively, you can realize that all he's doing is flirting enough to keep your attention but not enough to actually ask you out. One night of drunk kissing is hardly an indication of interest, even moreso because he just broke up with his gf is likely just wanting any and all women's attention.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Does it matter to you
Posted: 5/7/2013 11:05:58 AM
Of course it matters where someone lives, especially if safety is a concern. Not to mention, some people are not comfortable dating someone significantly richer or poorer than themselves.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 16 (view)
 
why not read forums?
Posted: 5/6/2013 5:30:01 PM

From a forumite that has more than 50 posts to his name in less than 2 months????? Things that make ya go hmmmmmm. I wish we still had our posting history on our profiles. That WAS a bonus, and even a time saver sometimes.


There is a huge difference between posting for fun and entertainment and posting to try and gain legitimate advice/knowledge you can apply to your dating life. And as someone who has been here 8 long years, i'm shocked you think one post per day is anywhere close to a large amount.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 12 (view)
 
why not read forums?
Posted: 5/6/2013 4:46:34 PM
1. The vast majority of people don't know the POF Forums exist or don't participate in online forums period.

2. As with all free, anonymous, internet forums which hold no repercussions for anything you say, most of the content is nonsensical trash. The average person isn't going to have the patience to go through 90% drivel just to find the 10% of information that might be useful to them.

3. If you come here to legitimately get the majority of your dating advice, you are in some serious trouble.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Getting a good amount of views/Meet Mes but receiving few messages
Posted: 5/6/2013 4:31:38 PM
Ignore views and Meet Me requests, they are meaningless and not necessarily an indication of interest. You have a well written profile so most likely guys aren't attracted to your photos. As has been said, your best bet is to message guys that interest you.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 10 (view)
 
How frequenty should a couple be having sex for my age 39?
Posted: 5/5/2013 9:29:00 PM
There is no such thing as a "wrong" or "unacceptable" amount to have sex. People have wildly different sex drives and all that matters is that the person you're with has one compatible with you. Even if you get 100 responses validating your position, it won't make you right and her wrong. It just makes you incompatible.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Something that started so casually....
Posted: 5/3/2013 11:23:51 PM
It sounds like you are unfamiliar with how FWB/FB relationships work. The reason yours has lasted is because you are still only seeing each other twice a week after 5 months. He doesn't need to deal with any of your drama or your expectations. If you'd like to test this theory, feel free to start demanding more or acting like it's a real relationship. When he disappears or slowly fizzles you out, you'll have your answer.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Redheaded men: attractive or unattractive? Does it just depend on the girl?
Posted: 5/3/2013 2:46:55 PM

As a red headed male, I've had some really mixed experiences. Some women seem repulsed by my more ginger-esque traits (red hair, pale skin, freckles), while there are a select few who seem to like it. Women, what are your thoughts on it? Potential deal breaker?


Congrats on describing exactly what every single human being has gone through while dating since the beginning of time.

Yes, as shocking as it is, people are attracted/repulsed by different things.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Contracted an STD .. I Feel Doomed Now ..
Posted: 5/2/2013 11:54:42 PM
Is this an actual serious post?? Being afraid to have sex because you might catch HPV is as ridiculous as not going outside because you might catch a cold. And you clearly don't fully understand the difference between HPV and herpes because judging by your post, you seem to think you have herpes.

Either way, what you really need to do is seek psychological counseling because whatever your issues are, they are a lot more deep-seeded than STDs.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 6 (view)
 
In A Dating Issue- Advice Needed
Posted: 5/2/2013 11:23:28 PM

He's finally back from Florida, and I wanted to continue from where we left off before he went on the trip, I asked him when we'd go for date no.2, and he told me soon, and also told me 'I have a crush on this guy in Florida, we didn't even meet off a dating site, it happened in person, I believe in destiny, so I feel this man was here for a reason', this was only in 1 day he met this person!!


That pretty funny if not completely hypocritical of you. You are giving him crap because he had over-zealous feelings for a guy he met for one day and yet you are doing the EXACT same thing with a guy you only had ONE date with. Either way, you've completely deluded yourself into thinking you guys have a some kind of relationship based on one good date. You don't. More importantly, getting that attached to someone after one date, to the point of being heart broken and already having to have a "talk", reeks of desperation and is extremely unattractive.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 5 (view)
 
He's still posting pics...
Posted: 5/2/2013 9:48:29 PM

By that I meant he says he isn't seeing anyone else right now. We have not had a formal talk about exclusion, just things mentioned in passing. I am only wondering why he would post more pics. Doesn't that mean he's still looking for something better? Or doesn't it?


Of course he is keeping his options open, why is that confusing when you have already conceded that you haven't talked about exclusivity? Saying he isn't seeing anyone else right now doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be exclusive with you.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 18 (view)
 
What should I do ... anything or nothing?
Posted: 4/26/2013 11:19:02 PM

It is not him manipulating me like some sexual predator. If anything, he sees I am still recovering from the battery and I am not all the way back yet.


Manipulating does not automatically mean it has to be on the level of sexual predator. Friends manipulate friends every day, as do significant others.


But he may never be a relationship guy in the traditional sense. He is a fiery independent.


This is PRECISELY the kind of nonsense people make up so they don't have to face the fact that the person they want doesn't want them back, at least in the same way.


He is definitely a permanent friend. Yes we both have some trouble communicating. But of course you are missing many hours of the part of the relationship that was not a booty call. I am not just justifying some breeze in and breeze out guy. This man has heavily invested in my life. I do not want to toss him out.


You seem to think that being a good friend and being a booty call are somehow mutually exclusive. They are not. He can be a good friend to you AND you can be his booty call. What he is not is your boyfriend. In fact, the point that he is heavily invested in your life only confirms MORE that you are a booty call, not less. Being heavily invested would make a transition to being your boyfriend that much easier. The fact that he isn't and going out of his way to NOT be that speaks volumes despite you not wanting to admit it.


I want to find out if he wants a relationship that is more caretaking than what we have now, more attentive or if he will become a friend only again. He always insisted that we remain friends. I know he means that. I just don't know if he can bring himself to communicate for whatever reason what is in his heart. Maybe he is trying to protect my feelings. But no, he is not some cold user manipulator. Not at all. He may be a confirmed bachelor, that is not a crime. That is fine. Two people on different paths.. but care I know he does. Not just to prop up a booty call.


He has made it very clear that he does not want to be more than friends/booty call. And yes, if he's not telling you with words it's either because he wants to avoid an awkward situation (which you insist on having) or he wants to spare your feelings. You would not be the first female who was taken advantage of for sex because you were in a very difficult and draining emotional situation and you won't be the last.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 16 (view)
 
What should I do ... anything or nothing?
Posted: 4/26/2013 10:24:10 PM

That is exactly the problem. I am afraid to seek clarity about what he feels and wants ...even though I did ask him in a phone message to tell me what he wants. But he always runs from this topic when I try to bring it up. If we get really close and he is obvioulsy laughing and talking and enjoying himself.. then he will predictably run away for at least 4 days every time he has a great time with me.

I wasn't meaning to blame him for being disrepsected, but now that you put it that way... I guess that would be why he will maybe never call me again. I don't think he can handle a conversation about the truth of both of our feelings.
Yes we meant to keep it casual, but it changed. We both got excited about how well we got along... but he stilll repeated the pattern of running for a bit.

My life if complicated, so I am super patient. But I guess I just decided I had to call it... and how can it be a committed monogamous lovers relationship if I don't see you for months? Yes I have made repeated offers to see him. Invite him to join us at restaurants, ask if I can drop by something when he is sick. He does not live far. I sense that he really cares so I do not like that term fbuddies or booty at all, that seems to really demean the friendship and support. I don't want to hurt him. Do you have a suggestion? I am afraid of scaring him off.
I did send an email explaining why I thought he dumped me... and the reason was a good one. I sent it last night, i hope he responds within a few days.


Wow, this is so far off base, bordering on delusional. I realize people generally only see what they want to see in scenarios where one person clearly has significantly stronger feelings than the other, but you can't possibly believe any of this, can you??? He's not some damaged, poor soul that secretly has deep seeded feelings for you but is scared and emotionally unavailable due to previous bad relationships. I know every women wants to believe this kind of thing, that they will be the one to make the big breakthrough, but the reality is very much the opposite. It is MUCH more likely that he only has luke-warm feelings for you, enough that he is attracted to you and likes to have sex with you, but not enough to actually want to spend quality time with you.

You are doing everything you can to rationalize away every single thing he does so it fits the outcome you desire. If you stop listening to what he says and just look at what he actually DOES, you will realize you have been wasting your time. The email you sent him asking why you thought he dumped you is priceless though and i'm positive he is an awe of how badly he manipulated you.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Advice for a pick me up
Posted: 4/24/2013 12:42:23 PM
OP, if you are internalizing every single relationship that doesn't work, you probably shouldn't be dating. Self fulfilling prophecies like "You meet someone nice but cant do it as you know it will just end the same way..." are going to destine you to failure every time. If the same thing is happening with every single guy you date, then you are the common denominator.

More often than not, these types of scenarios happen because you are picking awful guys who you have little chance of being successful with, but perhaps they have one particular attribute that you REALLY like (like being hot), so you let everything else go because of it. You should probably consider therapy to figure out why you pick the guys you do.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Is he just lonely?
Posted: 4/22/2013 7:22:11 PM
Talk about over analyzing something for absolutely no reason. Do you make it a habit to go out on second dates with guys you have no connection with and with whom you have awkward first dates with? I would hope the answer was no, unless you are just desperate and starved for any and all male attention. So whether or not this guy is lonely or depressed (or both) is mostly irrelevant and it boggles the mind that you would go out with him again simply because he asked. Perhaps YOU are in fact the lonely one?
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Being a lawyer/doctor doesn't give you an edge...
Posted: 4/22/2013 12:37:08 AM
OP, i promise you are the only person who was under the impression that medical STUDENTS have any "perceived advantage" on a dating website.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Bad First Date, Apology After?
Posted: 4/21/2013 9:06:38 PM

Would you give it another chance? Have you ever had something turn around after a seemingly terrible first meet?


How in god's name are you conflicted about this?? You claim he was very attractive physically and personality wise, you claim he had a great sense of humor, you even claim the conversation itself was interesting, just overwhelmingly one-sided. Which was the ONLY thing that bothered you about the date. Then, without even prompting him, he apologizes to you for the ONE thing that bothered you. You would have to be insanely over sensitive to not go on a second date with this guy.


Or am I stupid for even putting myself into a situation where I may be bored for another hour?


Oh no! Another whole hour of your life! With an attractive guy who you say is interesting and has a great sense of humor! How could ANYONE survive that?? Man your life is hard.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Why won't he let me go?
Posted: 4/21/2013 12:22:22 PM

Why couldn't this possibly be the case when you said yourself that he has "not yet grown up" ? People can change -- to me this is like a guy who was always single/a player eventually changing his ways and realizing he wants to settle down with someone. I just feel like the more time that goes by, the more strongly he seems to feel and the more he freaks out about any sign of me being unhappy


This is why women like you are so easily manipulated. You will believe, unconditionally, any drivel a guy says because you want so badly for it be true. Even though the ACTIONS of said guy are completely to the contrary. As has already been mentioned, he is playing you perfectly and you are allowing him to have his cake and eat it too. You can be sure he is telling his parents everything they want to hear as well.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 13 (view)
 
how to tame a bad boy if thats all you attract
Posted: 4/21/2013 10:34:00 AM

Im not trying to change the guy 100% just change how he acts when hes with me. Have any of you seen those relationships where a guy runs wild all night but as soon as he gets home to his woman he calms down? Maybe thats what I want, the formula to calm them down!


Yeah, i'm so sure you would be fine with him running wild all night doing god knows what, just so long as he was "normal" around you. That is some serious denial you must live in.


There is nothing wrong with me. Ive evaluated myself and have had some of my friends and exes evaluate me and they said am a really good woman.


Right, there's absolutely no bias there whatsoever. Certainly the perfect litmus test to see if something is wrong with you.


Some of my exes are in relationships now and Ive asked them how comes it didmt work out and they say their current girls made them want to settle down. How they did it is what i want to know.


They didn't "do" anything. The person they were dating liked them enough to settle down with them. That's your problem, you think there are a set of things you can say or do to coax your bf to like you enough to settle down, except that there isn't. And more importantly, why would you waste your time trying?

On a side note, saying things like "I really cant seem to attract any other type so I need to work with what I got" is absolutely laughable. You act like you have no control about whom you pick to date. If all you're doing is settling for whomever happens to show interest in you, then of course you are going to get whatever you get. Here's a thought, take some initiative and pick men yourself who are more suited to you rather than just working with you get.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Why won't he let me go?
Posted: 4/20/2013 8:32:37 PM
You are confusing love with codependency. He sounds completely codependent and that's why he acts the way he does. The fact the you are moving soon would only make him act more clingy, not less. And the title is extremely silly since you act like you have no control in the situation. If he's not letting you go, it's at least in part because you aren't letting him.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 169 (view)
 
Not interested: Ignore or make conversation?
Posted: 4/20/2013 11:34:44 AM

Nope, neither is true. I've previously stated the range of women I've dated, so there isn't anyone with "no chance". I don't think there is a person in the world with zero positive qualities.


You have a "chance" at winning the lottery as well, that doesn't mean you make it your full time job to buy lottery tickets and then say "What the hell!? I buy tickets every week and never win! How the hell am i supposed to make a living?!" Which is precisely what you're doing by ONLY going for women you have no realistic chance with. And worse yet, you think coming to a public forum crying about it will garner you sympathy.


Yeah, I take what you say as disrespect, even with the mathematical approach. You are very condescending. Nothing you can say will convince me that I am some undeserving low life. I admire your attempts none the less.


I don't care whether you take it as disrespect or not. If you see yourself as an undeserving low life based on the women you choose, it certainly explains why you are trying to force yourself on women who are much better than you. You need the validation.

It's extremely easy to play the victim and to kid yourself that you deserve more than you do. What's hard is actually changing to make yourself more desirable and having enough integrity to realize that you need to. That's why you are so pathetic and getting the responses that you are. You only want to date 8+ women? Cool, give women that are 8+ a reason to want to date you. But you have no interest in bettering yourself. You would rather cry to the world on a forum, take zero responsibility for the situation you're in, and just believe that women are being unreasonable.

You are not confident, you are completely deluded.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 164 (view)
 
Not interested: Ignore or make conversation?
Posted: 4/19/2013 2:19:20 PM

I didn't limit myself to 10's. I said 8's and up. My definition of 8's is a lot more broad than most people who've responded in this thread. I have no doubt in my mind I'm at least an 8. I stand by that.


Whatever numbers you picked, they were obviously too high. You are deluded and living in denial. Even the most naive person in the world would eventually realize that after 1000+ women (your number), they either had zero positive qualities to offer someone else OR they were choosing women they had no chance with to begin with. Pick one.


You have selective reading comprehension. The subject or the thread pertained to women not responding to my e-mails. Have you seen the women I've e-mailed? NO! You have not. You'd probably rate them lower than me.


Perhaps you aren't familiar with the powers of deduction. I don't need to see the women you are emailing when i know you have emailed 1000+ with no success. Some would also call it common sense.


I've done nothing to you to deserve such disrespect. I don't even talk about my enemies like that.

I got rated a 5 by a man. Oh no, the fcking sky is falling!


You can take it as disrespect or you can take it as a wake up call since clearly your friends are just placating you to spare your feelings. One thing is for sure, whatever number you rate yourself, it is a lot lower than the number any rational person would rate the women you are choosing to message. If you want to live alone in denial for the rest of your life, cursing the darkness because you are just "unlucky", that's your choice. Alternatively, you could work on your own self-esteem and realize you don't need an 8+ woman to validate your fragile ego.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 158 (view)
 
Not interested: Ignore or make conversation?
Posted: 4/18/2013 9:42:40 AM
If you've determined that your only options in life are a) Date a 10 or b) Be alone, and you are actually fine being alone for the rest of your life, that is certainly your prerogative. Thing is, clearly you aren't fine being alone or you wouldn't be on here complaining and whining that 10's don't want to date you. So you can either a) Realize you're a 5 and date accordingly or b) Actually be ok being alone for the rest of your life and stop trying to guilt/goad women into dating you out of pity.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Is this creepy to anyone else besides me?
Posted: 4/18/2013 9:33:47 AM
If by creepy you mean not that interested in you, yes, it's "creepy". As has been said, you are not the only woman he's talking to online and for now, you are on the back burner. When/if he decides he's interested in pursuing you again, he'll call you.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 12 (view)
 
what to make of this and if/how to respond now after weird evening of events
Posted: 4/18/2013 9:30:00 AM
Unless you want a repeat of exactly what transpired in the original post, OF COURSE you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. The entire problem in the first place is that you were on totally different pages and you just made a bad assumption that he was on yours. Not talking to him about it in the hopes that fate will somehow bring you together by chance is a horrid idea and is simply because you are fearful of rejection. That's precisely how you got into the mess you did to begin with. If you talk to him and get straight answers, at least you will either a) Feel good going forward knowing he wants to pursue a relationship (unless of course he lies and just tells you what you want to hear so he can have sex with you) or b) Know that he doesn't want what you want and either stay platonic friends (bad idea) or just cut it off completely (good idea).

Never has the phrase "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." been more appropriate.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 5 (view)
 
what to make of this and if/how to respond now after weird evening of events
Posted: 4/17/2013 8:34:58 PM
I read your last post, now this one, and you seem to live in some kind of fantasy world that only resides in your head. Let me summarize:

1. You have a few completely platonic get-togethers with your neighbor (which you clearly mistook for dating in your head).
2. You hear said neighbor having sex with another women and are somehow horrified by this (again, because you had somehow built up in your head that he was dating you or trying to date you).
3. Some time goes by and he pops up again, and by "pops up" i mean not-so-cleverly texts you late at night on a Wed.
4. You somehow kid yourself, yet again, that this is completely innocent and normal behavior and decide that going over to his place at midnight on a Wed, with a bottle of wine, slightly tipsy, will be a good way to help cultivate a relationship.
5. When you get there and shockingly realize you aren't going to be playing Trivial Pursuit, you continue anyway, knowing full well at this point what he is after (nobody in the world is as naive as you claim to be).
6. Then, when he's honest with you and tells you he's kind of seeing someone else (and at the very least you knew he was having sex with someone else), you once again go with some sort of misguided rage that is not warranted.

Advice: If you are actually looking for a relationship, don't go over to a guy's house for a booty call, knowing full well he is on the rebound, evidenced by the fact that you recently overheard him having sex with another women. As for losing dignity and self-respect, that's all in your head as well. I'm sure at worst the guy probably just thinks you are the most naive human being on the planet. What is it that you want to confront him about? He's looking to have fun, which is his right, and you are looking for a relationship. What else do you need clarification on?
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 18 (view)
 
No I love you, and b/f still on POF while in relationship - Help!
Posted: 4/16/2013 11:42:25 PM
1) It's not about being petty as much as it is about being careful what you wish for. Why on earth would you want your boyfriend to just parrot "I love you" back to you if he doesn't mean it, just so you don't feel insecure? If he says it without believing it, the words are meaningless.

2) Until you address your trust and paranoia issues, it doesn't make a difference whether he is actually cheating on you or not, you will never make a relationship work with anyone. Self-fulfilling prophecies, especially regarding cheating, are the easiest to satisfy.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Disability and disclosure of such, for dating purposes.
Posted: 4/16/2013 10:40:02 PM
OP, if you want to hide a condition that will obviously effect whether or not someone is physically attracted to you, that is certainly your prerogative. However, don't fake some misguided outrage later when they find out about it and they no longer want to date you. You are no different than someone who puts extremely flattering photos of themselves in their profile that don't accurately represent themselves. Perhaps you'd like to believe that you are different than these people because you are not the direct cause of your condition, but the deception is exactly the same.

If you were talking to someone on here and later when you met in-person it turned out they were in a wheelchair (something fairly easily hidden on a dating website such as this), my guess is you wouldn't be happy about it despite the fact that people in wheelchairs have all the access to life and all it has to offer.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 143 (view)
 
Not interested: Ignore or make conversation?
Posted: 4/16/2013 10:10:50 PM

I read their profiles Is there some hidden message I'm missing in there? NO! My expectations are not unrealistic. You cannot comprehend what I wrote. I'm very reasonable. Your tactful insults are still insults.


How can you seriously be this deluded? This isn't a mail order system. You don't get to just check off boxes based on what women write in their profiles and then say "Ok, i met all her "requirements" so she MUST respond to me." Qualities desired that are listed in people's profile are the BARE MINIMUM, not a complete list that guarantees you a response/date. There are a dozen reasons why a women might reject you even if you meet those bare requirements - not attracted to you, you're too short, too young, no common interests, they didn't like what you wrote in your profile.

If your expectations are that all or most women should respond to you based purely on the fact that you sent them a nice message and have a nice profile (both of which are questionable), then yes you are completely and utterly unrealistic and not remotely reasonable.


By being on a DATING SITE, they have invited me to e-mail them. There is no black list of women I'm not allowed to e-mail, unless their preferences dictate it. In that sense, there are options to not accept e-mails from people who fit certain descriptions, i.e. age limits and things like that.


More nonsense. Having the ability to email whomever you want doesn't correlate in any way with getting responses. If you want to believe it's because all these women are just snobs, keep living in your fantasy world. Maybe once you get to 100+ women with no responses, you'll realize that the common denominator is you and it's not a giant conspiracy.


The problem I have is that it seems pointless for me to even write to anyone or even be on here. I guess I just need to deal with being alone. You've all made that pretty clear.


If you are going to continue to over-value your own looks and qualities, then yes, you will most definitely continue being alone. Your fragile ego and delicate sensibilities can't handle the fact that all the women you message most likely aren't physically attracted to you. Until you come to terms with that, you have no chance.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Calling a man
Posted: 4/16/2013 9:31:10 PM
If he's interested he'll ask you out regardless of what you do, assuming he actually feels the way you think he does about the first date. If he doesn't ask you out, he's not doing so for good reason. Calling him won't change that.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 2 (view)
 
7-Day contact rule?!?
Posted: 4/16/2013 6:24:38 PM

So guys are now abiding by a 7-day, play hard-to-get, no contact rule {my roommate tells me :( }?


The excuses women come up with to avoid facing the fact that a guy isn't interested in them never ceases to amaze me. If you were 17 and believed this, maybe, but at 37 years of age i don't even know what to say.


Guys, if you haven't called, or asked how my day was within a couple of days - I think you're just not really into me.
If you haven't mentioned getting together at "some future time" after about a week - I think you're just not really interested.
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT???


You just answered your own question - he's NOT really into you. Just because you had one fun night doesn't mean you are entitled to a second a date. Either he found someone he liked more or he decided you weren't worth a second date. Although i'm positive you'll get at least a dozen responses saying he's married. Fear not, they'll be here soon to placate you.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 9 (view)
 
I need some advice
Posted: 4/16/2013 11:45:25 AM

In that same breath I don't want to let something go that could really be real. There is a connection there, there always was.


Ridiculous statement seeing as you dated for 7 weeks and somehow, even in that incredibly short amount of time, he managed to hurt you "over and over"? You are completely kidding yourself and just seeing what you want to see. Whether this is just pure lust or that you have very low self esteem and are grasping at the first guy who shows you the tiniest bit of interest, of course he is going to hurt you again. You have precisely ZERO evidence to suggest otherwise. You just have a made up fantasy in your head that you guys are destined to be together, so you try to rationalize everything away.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 6 (view)
 
OK......
Posted: 4/14/2013 12:26:44 AM
Personally, i wouldn't contact someone if they were listed as "...isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment" and "Looking for Friends", despite what was claimed in the body of the profile . It just screams flaky, commitment phobe and someone who has no clue what they want. Ironically, these kind of inconsistencies are precisely the kind of thing that will attract the very guys you say you are trying to avoid.

You have children but selected "Prefer Not To Say" for "Do you want children?". Not answering that important question will only raise suspicions given that one of the options is "Undecided/Open".

Your photos are great and you are obviously attractive, but i'd add a full body shot that isn't taken from the wonderful MySpace angle. You look like you are fit and in shape, so not putting one from a normal angle will make guys wonder what you're trying to hide.

Your first paragraph would be fine if you had another paragraph with some substance. Listing your favorite movies, music and TV shows isn't going to generate much conversation other than "Hey, i also like X!" and there is already an Interests section for that anyway.

You also say "In my message settings, I have age limits/other restrictions set up for my inbox, but if you are outside of those limits and interested in me, just "favorite" me", which completely defeats the purpose of having mail restrictions in the first place. If you can't stand the idea of missing out on a single message from ANY guy who is remotely interested, just take out the mail restrictions altogether. Doing it the way you did just makes you look desperate.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Guys with vasectomies.
Posted: 4/13/2013 6:32:00 PM
Your profile is the polar opposite of open and upfront and contains almost zero noteworthy information about you other than you are looking for sex.

Also, a guy isn't going to put he's had a vasectomy in his profile on the extreme off chance a women is going to find it "hot" because she's apparently unaware of the dozen other birth control methods available.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Ideally seeking an american
Posted: 4/12/2013 8:55:32 PM
That's going to be one insanely expensive first meet. I suggest being picky.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How did it go wrong?!
Posted: 4/12/2013 8:53:35 PM
1. Stop making up fantasy relationships in your head based on a few messages and phone calls.
2. People almost always over-estimate how well first meets go. Basically if nothing goes horribly wrong, like someone catching on fire, they think it's a overwhelming success.
3. Starting contacts with women who live 2 hours away by train is a good way to keep your success rate low.
4. Your entire post reeks of desperation. If you are going to live and die by what happens after ONE date, you should probably take a break from dating altogether.
5. It's hard to believe you are so blinded by this girl (after one date no less), that you don't realize "I think the distance would be a bit tricky" is just a nice way of saying "I'm not physically attracted to you". Like you said, she knew how far away you were when you started talking, so she was just trying to spare your feelings.
6. Please, for the love of god, don't contact her again.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Telling Me abt Other Dates
Posted: 4/12/2013 6:30:14 PM

Also the touching is not casual like friends, like touching arms or bumping legs: he buries his hands deep in my hair and encircles my waist with his hand. And the end of evening hugs are longer than friend hugs. But... no kiss. But... we have so many friends in common, professional contacts AND family (his brother and my cousin date, and our mothers know each other), he can't pump and dump me because it would cause a lot of feeling against him.


You are yet again completely reading into everything because you want him to be interested. And you just admitted that he can't "pump and dump you", which leaves one option, friends. Accept it before you embarrass yourself any further.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 3 (view)
 
been texting since September
Posted: 4/12/2013 2:40:42 PM
Do you just enjoy disappointment or are you one of those women who needs the drama of dating/breaking up over and over with the same guy?
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Free Tickets offer
Posted: 4/12/2013 2:11:42 PM

I've had the 3 hours of hell *shiver* first date, but on the flip side I once met someone for coffee in the afternoon and this ran on then we went for dinner, and on to a bar for a few drinks. We dated for almost a year. So it can work either way.
On this occasion as you haven't heard from him yet I'd make plans to see the game with a friend.


Meeting someone for coffee and it expanding into something more because you clicked is not remotely the same as being locked in to 5 hours with someone, regardless of how you clicked. If you had met that guy for coffee and DIDN'T hit it off, you could have easily called it after an hour and gone home.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Telling Me abt Other Dates
Posted: 4/12/2013 2:08:52 PM
What on earth is confusing here? You really like him and desperately want him to like you back, but he doesn't. You are his good friend. End of story. No matter how you try to spin and over analyze everything he says/does in your head to convince yourself he likes you, in reality, you are just his friend.
 jackals38
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Free Tickets offer
Posted: 4/12/2013 1:54:43 PM
Two hour round trip drive + 2-3 hour hockey guy is complete overkill for a first meet. If you guys don't get along, you are looking at 5 potential hours of hell. I would meet him first and if things go well, then offer up the tickets.
 
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