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 Author Thread: Girlfriend has sexual aversion
 amazed84
Joined: 3/28/2013
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Girlfriend has sexual aversion
Posted: 1/30/2018 9:10:23 PM
Just an update. I broke it off with her to be fair to us and the kids. Thank you for the useful comments from those of you trying to be helpful.

Secondly,
I am going to mention two people "Arlo_Troutman"and "overunity" and say you should be banned from giving people advice on here. I don't know if you were dropped on your heads or need your medication adjusted, but you need counseling on being better people.


Thirdly and lastly, go choke on it "Arlo_Troutman." You are the definition of "Whack-Job" as you call it .

Have a good day. Everyone. :-)
 amazed84
Joined: 3/28/2013
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Girlfriend has sexual aversion
Posted: 1/29/2018 7:29:27 PM
Means i will listen to peoples opinions but i make my own descision on what i need to do. I haven't decided what to do.
 amazed84
Joined: 3/28/2013
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Girlfriend has sexual aversion
Posted: 1/29/2018 6:49:04 PM
My name isn't Opie. Show more respect or hit the door.
 amazed84
Joined: 3/28/2013
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Girlfriend has sexual aversion
Posted: 1/29/2018 7:35:51 AM
I hear where your all coming from but no she never expected me to take care of her or her kids she wanted a partner in life. Everything was good until she started to get stressed by life and such then that killed whatever libido she had. I did push for sex after a few weeks cause I thought once a month was pretty low. That stress and constant fighting is why we both decided to break up.
 amazed84
Joined: 3/28/2013
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Girlfriend has sexual aversion
Posted: 1/29/2018 12:18:26 AM
It's good advice. After having intimate relations with me then just stopping. It doesn't make sense. To let me fall in love but not except my needs but i have to except hers.... Seems one sided.
 amazed84
Joined: 3/28/2013
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Girlfriend has sexual aversion
Posted: 1/28/2018 11:23:08 PM
Hey,

I thought I would try this out. I met my ex girlfriend almost a year and half ago. We did the usual. Went on some dates and got along good and really connected well. My girlfriend has 2 little ones age 6 and 4. They were shy as kids are but it didn't take long for them to grow on me and I really got attached to them too. Now for the issue. After 4 months in my girlfriend finally admitted to me that she was never into physical intimacy. She was never curious sex and the only reason she had sex was because she knew she needed it to have kids. To her sex is something she doesn't hate but can easily go without it. She later told me that she wasn't sure if this feeling was just with her ex but she realized she felt the same with me after 3 months together. I told her I enjoyed sex but the relationship wasn't about sex. I told her I would try to find a compromise in the middle to where we are both happy. So for the next 4 months it seemed to go okay. However the frequency started dropping. It went from 2- 4 times a month down to once every other week to once a month and finally none at all.

She's a mom I knew that kids and things came up. We were always busy period. Eventually she thought if I moved in that we would have more time since I wouldn't have to leave to go home. She wouldn't allow me to spend the night unless it was a weekend. She claimed she didn't want to confuse the kids or give the wrong impression to them. Anyway I moved in to her place the last 3 months we were togther. When it came to the responsibility I helped around the house as best I could or as much as she would let me. My lady friend is very independant and reserved. I did the dishes and took out the garbage and cleaned up after this new puppy she got. She didn't ask me too but I liked helping her out. Anyway fast forward to the just us time. I would wait till the kids were in bed and try to have some time for us. What ended up happening is we would get into bed and she'd want to go straight to sleep and she stated she wouldn't even try because her sleep was paramount over anything else. I told her after months of this that I was getting tired of being pushed off as the last priority. She responded by saying she was exhausted and never had time for herself or time alone. I told her I would give her time if she asked for it. I had plenty of friends but I was committed to being with them and being her partner so to speak. I told her our relationship to us as a couple needs to be nurtured too. I told her that i understand how she feels but also that she needs to know that I don't separate my physical show of love from emotional most times. She considers them separate and i don't. I'm not saying sex is the strongest bond but it did bond me to her in that way. I explained that sex is a need just like the need for food is to a person and when you have a relationship you have to accept their needs and help make it work. We fought about this subject alot i admit. Eventually she felt pressured enough that she started major stressing out. So we ended up mutually breaking up. We both knew it was coming but we were both devastated. I was and am still very much in love with her. She kept talking to me after we broke up. She wanted if anything to be friends still and to keep in contact. No contact would of been less painful but i didn't see a really good reason not to talk with her so i did. In my time away i had plenty of time to admit and take responsibility in my part of pushing us apart with my needs. I would listen and heard what she wanted but i didn't take it serious enough at the time. She did eventually write me an apology and said sorry for not being a better gf and i apologized for what i did that upset her too. It took about 4 months but I got past the resentment and frustrated feelings and loss you feel after a breakup. I was doing my own thing again and my life returned to normal.

Just recently she was really wanting me in her life again. I'll be honest I love and miss her too so i told her i wouldn't mind dating again. This time I will not repeat my old mistakes. I won't pressure her for our time again and i will just keep things easy going There is one hitch if i go ahead and date her. She specifically stated that whoever she dates in the future "sex will not be part of the relationship" She explained she's got sexual aversion and doesn't want to deal with it again. I told her that if we started dating again and got serious we would need to go see a dating councilor to make sure we do things right this time around. I know what your thinking because I have thought the same thing.... Why am I punishing myself by trying again especially if i am a physically intimate person and shes not? You might think we are mismatched. The answer is I LOVE HER. Only time will tell really what happens and i know the odds of us making it work but still i don't care what anyone thinks. I would regret it more if i didn't try.

I honestly believe that she needs to see me as a good friend again and redevelop the physical attraction again. I won't assume she will but if she does i will be patient and take it nice and slow with her. We can both be happy i think if we don't give up. I welcome any opinions. I know what your thinking because i have thought the same thing.... Why am i punishing myself by trying again? I honestly believe that she needs to be shown that there is no pressure. I think she will redevelop her physical attraction for me without the stress. The answer is I LOVE HER. Now she may never have sex with me again and i will have to make that choice to accept it or leave it . For right now though i'm going to start dating her and do it right from day 1. Sometimes it doesn't work the first time and sometimes it takes a second try to get it right. I welcome any opinions just keep it appropriate. No hating please.
 
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