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 Author Thread: representing myself during divorce - ontario
 lover of sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
representing myself during divorce - ontario
Posted: 5/7/2009 2:00:37 PM
Yes you can represent yourself, but you need to stop being emotional right now and be obejective and fair in what you want as a agreement.

1. Your husband is asking for spousal support, do you make more money them him ? Does he work or is he on disability etc.

2. You are asking for sole custody .. .. why ? You dont want him in contact with his children .. how do you justify that ?

3. What personal effects ? jewelry or the things you bought in the house that you paid for on your credit card or by cheque .. but were actually joint marital purchases ?

4. Case conference you already have the claim document, draft your response in non emotional terms with factual statements only on the points.

5. How do you know your ex has a very good lawyer ? Do you know the reputations of all the lawyers in your small town ?
 lover of sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
Keep finding men who are unavailable
Posted: 3/15/2009 9:43:19 AM
Ever since my ex left me ... geez.. now why did you start of with that ? I suspect you claimed your ex was emotionally unavailable to you and when he left you have been stuck with this phrase in your head from talking to someone at coffee or some such.

As others have said you need to do some serious work on liking yourslef you currently do not love yourself and any man is going to pick up on the tightness of your mouth and your general demeanor .. you dont want to be treated as piece of meat ? ..... are you sure they even get to that point of liking you ?

Go do the hard work when you like yourself then you can go to others and ask them to like you not before.
 lover of sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 68 (view)
Posted: 1/19/2009 7:00:53 PM

I met a wonderful guy who moved in next door to me (American) we chat pretty much daily. He is from Africa and there they are alowed to have up to 4 wives. He currently lives with a lady (also African) I thought to be his wife but come to find out they are not married. He helps me out with things I may need like a boyfriend might do (EXCEPT! Sex) We have never even held hands. I mean he gets upset if we go to the store n I pay for my own stuff. He says when Im with a man its his responciablity to take care of my needs...

He is wonderfull, does not press for sex, takes care of you, helps you out with money... whats to hesitate about, marry him, keep your house and he keeps his, he sets up schedule to see you, dividing his time, and you keep his current concubine as friend sharing child raising duties.

You have hit the jackpot. You will be happy.
 lover of sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
I need some brutally honest criticism.
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:05:29 PM
Here is rewrite .. i would have sent it to you privately but you block males messaging you ..

I recently graduated with a degree in mechanical engineering
and am looking for that first perfect real job begin my career.

I am looking for a young woman who takes pleasure in life
doing simple things,be it a park picnic, stopping to fill our picnic
basket together or laughing when you listen to my classic eighties rock
collection, realizing you know all the songs.

I am happy to meet someone who is seeking to spend time getting
to know me until you feel comfortable meeting in person.

I am ready to enter a new phase in my life, to open up to a woman
and let myslef be revealed as someone she thinks "ah.. yes he would
complete me with his views of the world and of me."

I am confident in who I am inside, but it will take bit of time
between us talking to know all that I am, perhaps its shyness or
just my nature, but I am ready to be opened up by the right person.

My degree proves I have intelligence, and am inquisitive, and
that desire to seek more led me to seek someone here on POF.

I am bit ecologically green,I try to recycle things and I have
a passion for working on cars, doing mechanical work etc..

Clearly if I was not and engineer you would be finding me at your local garage as the
friendly guy replacing your sqeaking fan belt wearing a Rush in
Rio cap.

I like to travel in the U.S.A my next destination will be Hawaii
or Alaska to finish of the U.S before going abroad to travel.

I play bass guitar for fun, it was a good break from studying, to plug in and play I like the feel of my fingers on bass strings.. making them vibrate.

I like classic movies or at least ones I feel are great,
Star Wars, Back to the Future, Indiana Jones, the Matrix, all great.

Of course need someone to lead me to films like Thelma & Louise and Chocolat

If you find appeal in my profile and want to start a conversation
dont worry about first approaches drop me note and we can begin.
 lover of sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
I need some brutally honest criticism.
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:25:23 PM
Why the nick Mr. Rogers ? what does it evoke to you .. think oh wait a older man with gentle voice talking to kiddies.. mm not a good choice...

Your photos, your a mechanical engineer why the hat .. your not and Amazon adventruer.... get better photos....

Think of the girls you met at unversity .. were they interested in your long hair geek look ? Some yes.. a lot not, seriously look at your self image and think what does smart educated woman in my age grouping want from a relationship and from life ?

If your looking for a heavy metal chick thats cool, I just dont see you finding them here in the numbers you want. ... hang out in some cool music clubs.. play in band ...
 lover of sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
Profile Review Request
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:16:10 PM
Remember part of your profile is the filters you have on .. re not looking for intimate encounter etc.. so you have your filters on .. does it match your profile ?

You say in your first sentence sexy.. why when your not interested in sex but only friendship with maybe more ?

Then you talk about pampering .. again what is that a code word for ? How do you pamper a friend and have him not get the wrong idea that your not interested in sex ?

Frankly the profile is conflicting and a tease .. decide what you want and use the right language.. if you want male friends to hang with say it ... and drop the pampering crap...and say the activitys you would like to do with new male friends.
 lover of sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:59:14 PM

This question is probably more directed to the male readers although feel free to jump in if you're a lady.

I recently had a fantastic sexual experience with a very delectable man. He is in defence (special forces) so obviously is very fit and is a perfect male specimen. We connected very well also as I found him to be surprisingly intelligent, articulate, sensitive and just a really cheeky bugger.

We spent an amazing weekend together and had sex several times, but even though he had an orgasm each time, I didn't. Do you think that may have been a turn off for him, that he wasn't able to make me come? We did go pretty hard but I've never been able to cum through penetration, and even though his oral skills were pretty good, I've definitely had better.

Anyways I still had an incredible night with him and am keen on repeating the experience but not sure if he would feel the same way as he wasn't able to take me to the same level of sexual gratification. Do you think that would've bothered him or be an issue?

Any takers?
So over a weekend having sex several times you did not get comfortable enough to rub your clit as he penetrated you ?

You pretty clearly have some problems sexually based in your descripitions your not very orgasmic you need stunning oral skils to make you get close or orgasm and you dont use your fingers during sex .. or did he move your hand there and you were to shy to do it yourslef as he enjoyed penetration of you ?

Ask yourslef why you did not touch yourslef to join him in an orgasm ?

Once you get those answers you can pursue calling him for another weekend when he is off the base.

Good luck
 Lover of Sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
Date showed really crass movie - is lack of class an issue?
Posted: 8/18/2008 1:19:36 PM
What was the most simply way for him to have you break up with him ?

Its just possible he figured you out and wanted to test if you were going to ever bed him and he really did not care if you did or not.

You said he was a pilot had big house etc. one assumes he has worked with women an lot and would have sense of what will seal the deal when he invites someone to his hotel room after dinner to see a movie.. or to his house.

Maybe he figured it was the way to say goodbye..and make you feel good about it.
 Lover of Sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 162 (view)
Women & Blowjobs
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:25:29 PM
Ms.Beavenhouse, if you want to improve your quality of blow jobs you can always sign up for a course ... or find someone willing to communicate clearly with you giving you step by step instructions on how to perform fellatio .. with a series of enjoyable and exciting variations.

reference the material here...

Good luck in improving.
 Lover of Sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 150 (view)
How old is too old?
Posted: 7/29/2008 8:33:09 PM

Ive had numerous sessions over the years with older men 30 plus and his young 2o something year old wife..They often have a kid around 5-6 years..He complains that she is going out with friends and ignoring him , lying behind his back, overspending, being rebellious..In short doing all the things she didnt get to do enough of as a teen

So your a Social worker and you think that teens shouljd be lying , overspending and being rebellious .... things she did nto get to do enough as a teen ...

Boy your out on a very odd trip if your counseling such behaviours. Lying is never a thing that should be encouraged in young girls.... hell they might lie about who they are sleeping with and why.. as to overspending ... why would you condone that in a marrige when one partner spends outrageously ? Is that what you intend to do to your fiance once you get married in 2009 and you still have your POF profile up and I quote

First DateI think meeting at a quiet,cozy coffee bar for a quick bite of homemade scones and coffee would be a nice start so we can talk and get to know one another...see where the conversation leads us
Get some personal consistency.

Legal age of consent.. was since 1867 untill 2008 in Canada 14 years of age, the most recent law change this summer allows a 14 year old of any sex have and give consent to sex with any other partner who is under the age of 16... read the background paper to understand the issues and the law

And if your a professional social worker and dont know what the heck a position of authority is ... your in need of retraining.

Coach to player, position of authority.

Next door neighbor to next door neighbor, not a position of authority.,

Casual friend to a parent who is not given authority or repsonsibilty for a offspring , not a position of authority.

Police officer within jurisdiction to any person, position of authority.

not so hard to figure out if you have a logical and bias free mind set.

But really you exhibit a great deal of hostility with the OP and her choices, it begs the question of your youthfull decisions and how much you are emoting about past errors of personal judgement you made.

As has been mentioned by others you may need some access to trauma councilling cause your not doing so well here, and a lot of independent persons are finding the same conclusions.... that is something you need to deal with and quickly.
 lover of sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
I hate it when men do this during lovemaking
Posted: 7/17/2008 7:46:28 PM
Your right one of the issues the OP did not mention was at the point they withdrew was she still lubricated or had they been fornicating to the point she was dry and becoming irriated, but did not say so ..or wet her fingers and caress his sex to introduce more lubrication.

Truly you can have sex and a woman can be excited and lubricated and she can then for whatever reason become not lubricated.. needing some time or what ever to allow her body to adjust.. having a man withdraw then masturbate to maintain is erection is just fine... as to the question of requesting anal sex.. maybe he felt that might allow him to orgasm .. perhaps the OP's body was not offer up any contact and she was unable to or not knowledgeable how to tighten her muscles to offer her partner greater pleasure.

Of course it could have been these guys personal kink...
 lover of sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
Omar Khadr: The interrogation
Posted: 7/17/2008 7:15:13 PM
Omar Khadr comes from a family which has been committed to violent Jihad against his parents adopted Country of Canada.. Khadr was born in Canada and trained at his fathers knee to hate the society he was growing up in.

His mother birthed other sons who have died in Jihad struggles, she herself if unrepentent, she would be proud if her son became a martyr to her avowed cause.

Omar Khadr travelled to Pakistan and was trained entered Afganistan and was left by his father with a fighter group to act as an interpreter imbedded with a group of international Jihad fighters. At the time he was doing this, he knew his own country had sent troops to Afganistan to fight the Taliban and Al Queda he certainly understood where he was and why he was there, he was proud to be and is proud to be a Muslim Jihadist.

Now .. the truth is according to international law he was and is a child soldier, caught during the course of a "war" if we extend full international protection, the U.S. military needs to imprison Omar Khadr until he can be properly rehabiliated and de-programed as is done in Africa with child soldiers.

Such de-programming will require him to be broken of his Jihadist views.

At the point the "war" is over and he is de-programmed he can be returned to his family who live on Social Assitance in the Greater Toronto area ... with daughters and new husbands for the daughters living with Mom and her other Jihadist sons who have recieved medical care in the Canadian health system.

Omar Khadr has not be hard done by .. by his country of citizenship Canada.. I also think he has been dealt with by the US military in a manner fitting his status, once the hearings on his activity is finally held, the tribunal can determine how they will be his process of rehabilitation to release him once the "war" is over.

Isreal this week released a prisoner after thrity years ..who had commited a Jihad act .... Omar Khadr will likely be released in a simalar time frame, a victim of his father and mothers loving education in Jihadism.

His burden is to be borne by his family.. no one else.
 lover of sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 81 (view)
How old is too old?
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:57:32 PM
As a matter of fact, an 18 yr old girl SHOULD be saying things like" OMG..He;s SOOO cute"....That is appropriate for her to be a teen that way...

You have been watching to much television.. an 18 year old woman does not need to be a teen if she has moved beyond that .. expression of self, she needs to be just who she feels she is, if that means dating someone who is thirty .. it is not any more healthy or unhealthy then deciding to date a 20 year old, each relationship can be positive or negative.

If you think the age gap makes for a unhealthy relationship I think you need to examine your thought process, ask yourself why you have not altered your POF profile and removed all references to looking for a man ... seems like a very odd reflection of your newly married state to still have details of the men you were / are looking for when your now married.

North American women and culture are often too focused on age issues, other cultures and places in the world are not so concerned, one of the reasons is that people understand individuals do not necessarily live forever you can loose a spouse who is five years older or younger as easy as losing one who is thirty years older or younger, if life is about living .. you live today, do not get hung up on five years or ten from now when your talking about your happiness, yes plan for good life but dont abandon living today ..and feeling today for some future fantasy image of your life.

Ask yourself why you moved accross your country to find your love .. seems just as much a reach as girl liking a guy who is thirty when she is 18, and when she is 28 he will be 40, and when she is 38 he will be 50 and when he is 60 she will be 48.... would you have rejected a guy at 60 being interested in you ?

Given the fact most men will die before a spouse dies marrying an older man only means your going to suffer loss at a younger more flexible age, and maybe you will even more empowered as woman at younger age to live your life without your spouse ... and enjoy your years with new love ....or not as you wish.
 lover of sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
Age? How important is it?
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:21:48 PM
I think you are very hung up on age... and as long as you are your not very mature. As others here have replied age becomes less a concern over what is really important. Those who say date within three years are locked into a view of what is appropriate versus what they want in a partner or friend.

Other cultures outside North America are not so hung up on age.
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
I love him but we can't have sex!
Posted: 11/22/2007 9:00:51 PM
Do you want to say yes...or are you hoping to find the right words to turn him down because you know you will need to find sexual ..release outside your relationship ?
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