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 Author Thread: rude messages
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 46 (view)
 
rude messages
Posted: 7/28/2018 1:37:29 PM
I get rude messages all the time because I'm a fat, middle-aged woman who dares to be blunt in her profile about what she is and isn't looking for. Got a doozy today, which is what brought me back to the forums for the first time in a couple of years (I think).

Abby, last time I went on a date with an avowed conservative, he told me he was open-minded and willing to talk reasonably. Most of the date, he tore down everything I believe in and if I tried to say one word back, would retort that "Liberals have no sense of humour" and keep going.

Now, I tell them to not even bother contacting me.

I wish the new owners of this site respected our restrictions. The one today is a smoker, and I won't be around them. We used to be able to block them.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 41 (view)
 
REJECTED!!!
Posted: 11/23/2016 5:00:28 PM
I can vouch for rearguard*2 - he sent me his picture many moons ago! ;-)
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
REJECTED!!!
Posted: 11/20/2016 12:45:27 PM
I concur with Walts!
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Do you hide your political affiliation on dates?
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:40:28 AM

...if in a casual conversation with a potential "date", they hate this or that about my political affiliation, or make blanket negative statements about "all of us", then I am very polite in saying that I don't think we would be compatible. My core beliefs are part of who I am, and I am not going to argue with anyone about my (or their) core beliefs. I don't think that is respectful.


Yes to all of this!

I also put in my profile that those who are religious in any way need to move on to the next person. It just saves time.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Do you hide your political affiliation on dates?
Posted: 3/9/2016 3:36:16 PM
I was intrigued to find this online today:

http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/272407-dating-site-survey-most-republicans-lie-about-party

I put it ALL in my profile.

Once upon a time, it was my understanding that politics and religion were never discussed in polite society.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Middle Age and The Common Cold/Flu
Posted: 9/14/2014 9:27:31 AM
i picked up bacterial pneumonia in the middle of June and had two recurrences. it's only been in the last couple of weeks that i have stopped coughing up *stuff*.

the most horrifying part was realizing how vulnerable one can be to an illness like that. :-(
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Marriage over 50 or when kids are out of the question!
Posted: 4/3/2014 4:41:03 AM

I can't imagine being with someone for years and if there's a serious health issue I can't even get info on him from the hospital or enter his room, which is reserved in serious cases for family only, a family that may live 1000's of miles away. And I don't want family to make decisions for me when if I have a SO.


this!

5 years ago, a young friend was widowed. except she wasn't a widow - they weren't married. and her SO was murdered by his own brother.

after 10 years together, a 7-year-old child and being pregnant at the time, his family did *everything* in their power to negate their life, tried to take her house away, said the children weren't his and not entitled to any benefits. this was a young couple and he died intestate.

it's my understanding that each state in the US has different rules on living wills and powers of attorney, so if a couple chooses to NOT marry, they really should look closely at those to ensure that the other is able to make crucial decisions and/or inherit.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Anyone retired young ( no older than 45)?
Posted: 3/26/2014 6:13:03 PM

Even when I had a regular job, I never messaged anyone whose profile says "you must have a job", "must have a career", or similar dysfunction.


"dysfunction"?

judgmental much?

it's hardly dysfunctional to want to share your life with someone whose values match your own and/or are at the same place in life that you are. we see far, FAR too many threads posted all over this forum from men and women who have encountered sponges who only wanted to live off them!

i was contacted by someone this week who is 51 and retired - and his 3rd message to me was asking if i would give up my job and my life at my home in order to spend 6 months of the year in Florida. (i've had skin cancer lesions removed several times over the last 3 decades, i don't go out in the sun.)

my grandmother (who turned 94 in January) worked until she was 90 because she wanted to, while my mother, who retired at 65, regrets retiring. i think there's a reason my grandmother still has all her faculties intact, and i think it's because she didn't retire young. my intention is to follow in her footsteps since i do love my job.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 119 (view)
 
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/16/2014 6:17:38 PM
*Attractive* Women 40+ get their fair share of attention. If you mean little as notably less than an attractive 25 year old who gets 100+ messages her first day -- okay, but getting handfuls every few days instead of truckloads doesn't mean it's little.


you disappoint me, mon ami, considering the "realist" in your name. it's more like "a handful every month" rather than "handfuls every few days" - but only for those VERY few, VERY *attractive* (by conventional standards) women who are over 40.



...it was about the Bad attention...


this is what i like about you most: at least you admit that there is a certain amount of "bad" attention. it's refreshing!
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Sharing sexual experiences with friends?
Posted: 1/14/2014 4:03:58 PM
nope! i never have and i never will.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Would you consider a LDR now when you wouldn't before?
Posted: 1/12/2014 11:35:34 AM

I dated someone last summer who lived about an hour away, and that is probably the longest distance I've ever been away from someone.


in most major cities in Canada and the US, an hour can be nothing if one of you lives on the west side of the city and your SO is on the east side.

it's all a matter of perspective.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Would you consider a LDR now when you wouldn't before?
Posted: 1/10/2014 4:28:51 AM
i've had too many of them in my life and wouldn't consider another one - EVER!
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 114 (view)
 
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/9/2014 4:21:19 PM

...wouldn't it be just as easy and informative to just have an up to date picture of yourself?? Oooh right that makes too much sense...


i think i already explained up-thread that i RECENTLY took all my pictures except the one offline.

i'm having weight-loss surgery later in the spring - it makes no sense to put up new pictures until i'm finished with that entire process.

(and - thank you!)
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 109 (view)
 
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/8/2014 5:34:29 PM
i can only comment on the experiences of myself and my friends. and i've only ever been on this site as a middle-aged woman, so i have no idea what someone under 40 experiences.

there are published statistics indicating that the "most beautiful" women get the most messages and that this holds true across age groups. i'm sure Markus could produce the same for this site.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 54 (view)
 
I overheard this
Posted: 1/8/2014 5:18:35 PM

My experience is that women are the ones who are superficial.


that doesn't mean that what Doria posted isn't true. just for example, the story making the rounds this week about the comedian who posted the "worst fake dating profile in history" and attached a picture of a model to it.

she got over 150 messages in the first 24 hours.

the same site where she posted the fake profile also used to maintain a blog with posted stats indicating that the top 20% "most beautiful" women receive 80% of the site traffic.

i found the comments sections of the articles reporting on the fake profile to be almost as entertaining as the story; basically, men were saying that because the profile has a pretty picture of a girl who appears to be promiscuous, of course she's going to get replies.

which gender is shallow?
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 103 (view)
 
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/6/2014 3:27:03 PM
^^^i didn't say NO attention - i said RARELY!!!!!!!

women over the age of 40, no matter what they weigh, get very little attention on these sites. period.

the people up-thread complaining that we don't reply because we're here for ego-stroking must be messaging those "top 20% of most attractive" women that get the 80% of traffic.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 101 (view)
 
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/6/2014 4:50:55 AM

I messaged you once and you just viewed my profile, and didn't even bother with a reply, like most of the flaky women on here!


that's really funny, because i have ALWAYS had "viewed profile" turned off ever since i first came here!

i also recall having a couple of conversations with you under your previous incarnations. :-P
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 96 (view)
 
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/5/2014 2:02:49 PM
if you actually bothered to READ the profile, you'd see i'm not hiding anything - i state flat-out that i am fat.

i also used to have 5 pictures on my profile. it's only recently that i took them down.

that still doesn't address what i said - only certain women get attention on these sites - and they are RARELY over the age of 40!

(thank you for the lovely compliment, it's very kind of you.)
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 94 (view)
 
What you've learned about online dating after 90 days...
Posted: 1/4/2014 2:54:21 PM

...so many women have signed up to actually wanting a relationship but quickly become addicted to the attention...


WHAT attention???

that only applies to the young, the thin, and the beautiful.

the rest of us are here for years because we rarely get any attention and we're still looking.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Same Socioeconomic class: Critical for a successful relationship?
Posted: 11/4/2013 4:12:33 PM

Men usually choose the hot looking but lower status woman over the not-so-great looking but high status woman.


exactly this.

all the time...
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
My fiance' is the maid of honor for ex-boyfriends cousin...
Posted: 10/29/2013 8:14:04 PM

I trust and love my fiance'


no, you don't trust her at all.


I feel as though she needs to be taught a lesson.


there's a few you need to learn yourself...
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Going dutch for engagement ring???
Posted: 10/11/2013 4:44:40 PM

if you can't afford it, don't buy it in the first place. If a girl insists on an engagement ring, get one for only a few hundred, not thousands where the money could be better spent on something else.


good fakes these days look like the real thing and can be had for 1/10th the price. put the money toward a house or the wedding instead.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 269 (view)
 
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/30/2013 5:31:57 PM

...if they're thinking of being with you. It's relevant and appropriate.


no.

it isn't.

as wingman pointed out, the only thing that is relevant is the status of the person's health as it relates to them having sex with you. NOTHING ELSE is "appropriate".
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 690 (view)
 
Can women REALLY get laid whenever they want?
Posted: 9/29/2013 6:48:53 PM

are you unfamiliar with the concept of "throwing your friends under the bus"?


if moonbeam was "throwing a friend under the bus" it was the guy - my impression was that she didn't know the woman enough to be friendly with her.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 653 (view)
 
Can women REALLY get laid whenever they want?
Posted: 9/25/2013 6:34:11 PM

Hey! June Shannon the mom of Honey Boo Boo gets the 'D'.


yes... she has a tv show and a kid who's a meal ticket.

some of us have NO options...
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Confused by my Friends with benefits behaviour
Posted: 9/23/2013 7:09:22 PM

any advice?


yes.

paragraphs are your friend.

this man is not.

hope that helps...
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 53 (view)
 
6 months talking, still haven't met
Posted: 9/23/2013 7:03:23 PM

So considering some of these replies are coming from older and most definitely wiser women, do you have an experience in doing something like this yourself?


honey.... i've been on the internet since you were a toddler and i've seen and heard about every scam going and then some.

you can tell us, and yourself, that you're an optimist and you're not jaded, but the plain truth is that someone is having a good laugh at your expense - in more ways than one - because they've taken advantage of your naivete.

change your phone number, find someone local, and take off the rose-coloured glasses - they never suit anyone.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
6 months talking, still haven't met
Posted: 9/22/2013 1:55:05 PM

I'm not desperate


you must be....

why else would you put up with someone treating you so poorly????

you are being used by a scammer, why do you not think you deserve more in life?
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Men who keep in touch over time-what is the motive?
Posted: 9/18/2013 5:53:58 PM

My theories:


you forgot #4 - all of the above.

:-)
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Found him on another dating site.
Posted: 9/16/2013 6:57:52 PM

Before I meet someone from online I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING about that person. Including first and last name, work place, date of birth. Everything. You all must not watch the news. It's a crazy world today so of course I need such information.


this is going to sound really strange, but....

i've been meeting people off the internet since about the time you were born without knowing HALF of that stuff!

and the world was still pretty crazy back in 1992 when i got my first online account!

with your level of paranoia, you shouldn't be looking for dates online at all.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 41 (view)
 
what would make you deviate from your 'type' ?
Posted: 9/16/2013 5:14:18 AM

Those of us that don't have a type, don't necessarily subscribe to the any warm body will do theory of dating.
It just means that you can't line all of our ex's up in a line up and be confused about which one was which. They are all individuals with different things that attracted us, just not the same thing - like eye, skin, or hair colour...


that's it exactly...
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
what would make you deviate from your 'type' ?
Posted: 9/15/2013 9:20:05 AM

My whole life I've never had a "type". Other than female.
It's very limiting.
I've dated all sorts of women from all sorts of backgrounds, heights, weights, colors.


substitute men for women and i've had the same experience as Procol - i've never had a "type".
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 601 (view)
 
Women...would you pay for sex with a man?
Posted: 9/9/2013 5:07:06 PM

Stop straw manning.


how about YOU stop being an insulting SOB first?

men like you are the reason we would rather do without than jump on any available penis and places like Good Vibrations and Babeland do such great business.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
How do I get better at sex?
Posted: 9/8/2013 5:45:28 PM

I don't know what else I should be doing.[/quote

you say on another thread on this very forum that sex is very important to you, but all this man does is criticize your technique and refuse to do what you need to get aroused.

the only thing you should be doing is dumping him.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 596 (view)
 
Women...would you pay for sex with a man?
Posted: 9/8/2013 10:35:30 AM

This is why women can go out without sex for long periods of time without a care in the world...


except the credit card bills from burning out expensive vibrators!

:-)
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
FRIDAY THE 13th SINGLES MINGLE & DANCE
Posted: 8/27/2013 4:19:50 PM
so many party hosts of late don't post locations - why is that????

it would help to at least have the city listed in the headline and somewhere in the message.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 168 (view)
 
Trusting a man on POF...
Posted: 8/27/2013 3:53:51 PM

Give them an ultimatum... 'Look... We've seen each other twice already. We're clearly attracted to each other. But please understand that I have my feelings in this... and I need more security, if we want to get serious from this point on. I would love to keep seeing you, but actually I would like to take it to a serious level with you, which means that we both would have to take off our profiles.'


after TWO dates?

hahahahahahahhahaaaaaa....

here's MY dating advice, for what it's worth:

DON'T take dating advice from a grown woman with a "Cinderella complex"!

you're welcome!
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Im Not attracted to good girls, Why???
Posted: 8/26/2013 5:43:31 PM

...that is bad, but not the good kind of bad.


you want to sleep with your mother's friend and you're judging a woman who turned her life around?????

you have a LOT of growing up to do!
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 8/18/2013 5:56:30 PM

women over 45 have etiher become set in their ways or become pickier who they will date.


so YOU would date just anyone????
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Two women have contacted me this week re their boyfriends POF profiles
Posted: 8/16/2013 5:26:00 PM
a couple of years ago, i got an email from a woman who's husband i had had one lunch date with. during that meal he had said some incredibly stupid things before "explaining" that he and his wife still lived in the same house even though they were divorced because of some "property issues".

i laughed in his face, said thank you for lunch, got up and walked out.

and i told her so.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Odd line in an older gentleman's profile. Ideas?
Posted: 8/13/2013 3:47:09 PM
^^^where's a "not worthy" emoticon when you need one? :-)



at his age, has had enough of the people that do not understand that not everyone believes in the same thing. I'm only 52 and I have had enough of these "types", so I could imagine his frustrations.


i agree with Walts 100%.

for some reason, i keep getting emails from religious types and i am just NOT interested. there is one man here in town who continually deletes and recreates profiles - most with the word "godly" in them - and he always, ALWAYS emails me. it got to the point that i put this line in my profile:

If religion and/or spirituality of ANY flavour are of even slight importance to you, please go to another profile.

of course, as we all know, people rarely read profiles!

LOL!

it's not just christians - i had 2 longer term relationships 7 years apart with men who were devout pagans, and, in both cases, i do think my non-believer status, and my unwillingness to become a convert, had something to do with the end of the relationships.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Date wants to change location at last minute
Posted: 8/13/2013 3:31:40 PM

Claimed that he just realized that he had forgotten his badge at home but didn't cut the date short.


i'd guess he wasn't really a cop, then... and maybe it's just me being suspicious because i work in a courthouse around law enforcement types, but i think his attempt to get you to drive somewhere else with him was for much more sinister reasons than have been offered by others commenting on this topic.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 37 (view)
 
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 8/10/2013 8:34:04 AM
harry:


Most women can't be trusted. (...) Most women have no concept of logic. That's why they are so often with men they hate.


gee, and you wonder why your wife left you???

do you EVER think before you post???

i'll ask you the same question i asked you when you posted that "most women don't like sex": have you met MOST of the women in your own country, let alone others???


Fortunately, there are many who can be trusted.


which one is it???

listen up, kid - here's how you trust PEOPLE....

you don't judge every PERSON by the actions of other PEOPLE - man or woman!

you're only 22, for pity's sake, don't tie yourself down - you've already had a 3-year relationship. go learn about yourself and what you like before jumping into anything else!
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 7/31/2013 2:54:27 PM
a few years back i went out with someone a couple of times who is on the opposite side of the political fence. he said he liked to have open discussion and good debates and that his partner's politics didn't matter to him.

his idea of "open discussion and good debates" involved belittling everything i believe in and then telling me i had "no sense of humour" if i disagreed or attempted to respond.

i really should NOT have agreed to the second date!

never again will i make that mistake.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 32 (view)
 
The drama never ends, need advice
Posted: 7/29/2013 4:51:20 PM

How about she just get a job with her own insurance, and pay her own insurance, and not have someone she's no longer married to, having to continue footing the bill for her, There's a concept huh?


a friend of mine who has great insurance (for the US) through her employer has her ex-husband on her policy as part of the divorce agreement. both her state and employer allow this and the agreement is that she will provide his insurance until such time as she switches employers or remarries.

if the plan and the state of residence allow it and it's written into the divorce papers, what's the problem???

everyone seems to be jumping to "insurance fraud"....
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 7/26/2013 7:19:13 PM
^^^once you stop celebrating life, you might as well lay down and die...

:-(
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
The Goodnight Kiss
Posted: 7/26/2013 6:59:24 PM
no, i kiss friends the way USMale described!

:-)
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Over 50...Are We Now Invisible?
Posted: 7/26/2013 6:58:00 PM

Women in particular never outgrow this “I am pretty oh so pretty” phenomenon they learn to believe at a young age when men actually paid attention to them.


where on earth did you get this idea???? this is such a tiny segment of the female population, it's statistically light years from the rest of us.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 124 (view)
 
Are there ever any happy ever afters on POF with over 45's?
Posted: 7/26/2013 6:47:51 PM

I've heard say that a couple should buy and live in their own home together so it's neither his or hers, it's theirs .


that friend i mentioned back on page 3 of this thread lives with her second husband in the home that she bought with her first husband. however, her marriage did fall apart within a few months of her moving into that house, so it's not like she has "memories" to exorcize!

LOL!

plus, Husband 2 has helped her do so much work on the place that it really is *theirs*!
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
The Goodnight Kiss
Posted: 7/26/2013 6:38:38 PM
jessebunnies:


...you don't kiss your friends period.


i'm pretty sure this is a cultural thing as i do kiss my friends. when we are parting, male or female, they get a hug and a kiss on both cheeks - but i am Hungarian, so there you go.

theusmale:


A peck is just a friendship kiss. I'd say they are just friends. And if that's all there is after date six, i'd say they are in the friend's zone - but nothing more, ever.


i think he's 100% right!
 
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