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 Author Thread: Differences in upbringing
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Differences in upbringing
Posted: 1/8/2010 8:36:57 AM
Well. Many of my friends are Jewish. Knowing that about them, I usually don't ask them about Christmas. I do ask them about Channukah. Yet some of them choose to celebrate Christmas, too. So...you never really know. Kindof crazy to just assume everyone celebrates all the things I do. Have the women you are seeing EVER had friends or acquaintances that are culturally different?

I think it's part of the magic of a new relationship - the chance to discover these things about each other. Fundamentally, of course, with time, we learn we are more similar. But that time of learning about a new culture is precious. And it makes for good easy conversation on a first date. Not all the heavy stuff about your particular family (if that's too heavy to go into). Just keep it light - as others here have said. Again - great ice-breaker conversation...
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
How many people is too many?
Posted: 1/3/2010 7:32:35 AM
There are many things in a person's past that are more important than their "number." Are you thinking about all the rest that makes up this person? How they came to be who they are? Did they lie, steal, cheat...kill someone? All these parts of a person's past begin to unravel as trust develops. However, all of us have aspects of ourselves which we hold close - not even shared with our most intimate partner. We just define those differently. I will accept whatever my partner wants to share for whatever reason he feels compelled to share it. I will likewise accept that there are aspects of him which he will choose not to share with me. His "numbers" would mean nothing to me and I expect that is information he would likely want to hold to himself. Myself likewise.
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Hopeless virgins
Posted: 12/22/2009 10:11:09 AM
If you would like to prompt a change, but these are just "friends" and you will not be glued to their sides in the near future....seek out friends and family and ask them to consider running an "intervention."

I don't know the extent of their obesity, but we did this with a friend when we feared the weight would kill him. We felt he was wasting his life - holed up at home with his food and alcohol. It made us all sad.

It worked. Friends and family gathered to express their love, their concern and, yes, their anger that someone they loved so much would care so little for himself. They literally knocked him down and then surrounded him with love - and the tools to make a change. He could have told them to fuk off. It was a risk. He didn't.

They gave him a gym membership and took turns going with him. Bought him new clothes with each significant weight loss. Encouraged him every step of the way. He's a new man - and knows how much he's loved because his true friends and family were willing to risk that he would hate them for their intervention.

Doesn't always work - and has to be done by loved ones. But you could recommend it to them.
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
 
No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/22/2009 9:38:24 AM
When I was young, my mother took me aside for "the talk." I think it was different from all my friends. My mom made me promise never to marry a man with whom I had NOT had sex first. Makes me wonder to this day how things were between my mom and dad...sexually. Sad.

I've recently turned 50 years old and have yet to marry. I am very thankful for my mother's advice.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Oh, its to soon to have sex... yah, blah, blah, blaw
Posted: 11/19/2009 6:54:25 AM
Why is this statement only directed toward WOMEN? I mean it took two people together on "that first nite" to have sex, why is it only the women who are singled out in a statement like this? You'll never hear women posting here making these remarks, why? for fear of being labeled! We all know what risks (WE) both take when choosing to have sex too soon in the beginning, but it take two! Damn gentlemen, drop the stupid double standard. Sexual compatibility is very important, getting back to the original post.


The double standard is going strong and it affects both men and women. You can't wish it away - it just is. Why do men fight in the war, but women have more of a supporting role? Why do men usually initiate, pursue, pay for the date? Why do many women seek a man who is tall, strong, able to provide? Why do many men want a woman who is sweet, innocent and has a "tender heart." There are endless examples. Its a dance we all do - going back to the caveman days. It is deeply entrenched. While there are aspects to it that we would argue against, there are certainly aspects to it that we find comfortable. If you were to do away with it, you would have to do away with it ALL...and I imagine we would be shocked to feel the effects of that loss.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
do ladies get turned on by strong hands and fingers..
Posted: 11/12/2009 12:16:23 PM
Yes...absolutely.....
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Is it possible to like both very voluptuous women and super-skinny ones?
Posted: 10/6/2009 6:38:42 AM

I think I'd rather sleep atop a water bed instead of laying on a bed of chop sticks.


Love it!
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 2:52:00 PM
You definitely should go. It's the best way to patch things up. If you don't go, you're missing an opportunity. People grow apart - and sometimes back together. What you have is precious and you'll want to hold onto it. You can work this out best - if you're face-to-face. Just my opinion.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
after muh date, what's next?
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:18:37 PM
Food for you, dawg!

Really - you have a great start here. All I can say is just be honest. Continue the open communication that you've started here. Sounds like you both might want to take things slow - get to know one another. Spend some more time with that as your focus. When the moment is right for your first kiss, you'll know. But I'd say try first to get to know her better. That way, you can be open about your feelings, even your uncertainties - like when to move for that first kiss.

For a next date? What do you enjoy doing, besides the zoo? Did you learn anything she likes to do? Shared interests? How about roller skating or, I don't know...do something to contribute to those less fortunate. Maybe work a food line together. Find some other volunteer opportunity. You can both feel good about doing something, get to know each other...

Just a thought. Build a foundation....

Edit: Why are people asking to delete this thread? Non-English Nonsense post? The post makes perfect sense to me - and it's written in clear English. Shakes head in confusion....
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
okay guys, here is another one
Posted: 7/29/2009 8:57:29 PM
Okay, I was going to take issue with that comment, till I noticed you are from Indiana, too. A Hoosier hell hole?

OT. What? Is this for real?
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Ever been excitied and nervous at the same time ?
Posted: 7/20/2009 8:40:37 AM

Excitement and anxiety are actually two halves of the same emotion. The only difference is whether or not the person experiencing it perceives the situation as good or bad.


That's what's interesting. Situations can be perceived as both good and bad. I can perceive a situation as good, know it's the right thing to do, and I'll still feel this mix of excitement and anxiety. I've been known by my friends as somewhat of a globe-trotting adventurer. Before leaving to live in Colombia for a year, I shared with them that I also experienced anxiety. They were floored and maybe a little disappointed - like it tarnished my image or something. I was kind of surprised by their reaction because I think that if you don't experience the anxiety, that's when you should worry. I think it's essential to experience the anxiety - which reminds us to be careful - and then move forward with your plans.

Adopting my son. Definitely the biggest mix of excitement and anxiety in my life.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Low in Self Control
Posted: 6/25/2009 2:02:06 PM
Has anyone noticed when you read the "Chemistry" results in profiles that they seem to ALWAYS be marked "low" in self control? I'm just wondering...has anyone seen a profile that's not marked "low?" I haven't.

Does this mean anything? A fault in the test? Or does it mean that all of us who opt to date online...are somehow low in self control?

Just wondering....
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
NSA fun ??????? or not
Posted: 6/23/2009 2:10:49 PM
That certainly clarifies things. I guess in that sense, NSA is just one step above the one-night stand. I would compare it to a one-night stand that goes on and on, and you get to know each other's bodies - but the rest is "off limits". Very enlightening. Thanks!




watch a film of some sperm going after an egg. The sperm attack like mad, and all the egg does is jiggle, if it even moves.


^^^^^The above post makes me feel rather sad and while I can see some of what you say, I hope we are above the level of the egg and sperm. Nontheless, the imagery here is priceless!
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
NSA fun ??????? or not
Posted: 6/23/2009 12:29:57 PM
Can anyone define NSA? I'm really curious. I mean - when you enter an NSA, do you set up all kinds of rules? What exactly constitutes a "string?" Is it the same as a FWB? Just curious.....
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Celibate since April, 1992
Posted: 6/18/2009 2:27:09 PM
You are not alone. I don't know about meds. But I do know that years can roll into one another and before you know it you can't believe how much time has passed. Today is a new day and you are alive. Anything is possible.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 74 (view)
 
What kid habits will you never outgrow?
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:23:23 PM
Climbing trees. Well...until I can't anymore...
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
why did he....
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:09:41 PM
Gosh, where to start? You're going to get a number of responses on here. Some nice - some will cut you to the quick. Thought I'd warn you so you'd be prepared. Take the advice that makes sense to you - try to have a thick skin with whatever hurts.

That said...have you not been with anyone in a while? Are you really thinking that having sex with him on the first date - and using no condom, to boot - shows him your trust - in that you have "some level of intimacy between you"? It takes time to develop trust between two people and even couples who have been together their entire lifetimes aren't able to read each others' minds. You were with him - hoping it would show him how serious you are about him - hoping it will bring him closer to you. He had sex. Simple.

On the second date - hand up the skirt. What was the problem with that? You'd already crossed into that level of intimacy, no? Are you not into public displays of affection? Did he go to far? Tell him. A man will respect you much more if you tell him what you really think and feel. And why wouldn't you want to tell him what you really think and feel. Why this immediate level of intimacy? Because you both felt a sexual attraction and you acted on it. Why the possible pregnancy? Because you took that risk. Do you think he respects you MORE because you risked pregnancy and STDs? If so, you have so very much to learn about yourself and you really should think about doing that before you try to enter into a relationship.

Good luck with the responses you get here - even if it hurts, there are some things that will be said here that you have to hear.
 luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Sexual Resume
Posted: 6/5/2009 6:31:08 PM
Okay, this is tongue-in-cheek. I've been reading these posts and several times people have commented there are certain things they wish they'd known before taking on a lover. So, I've been thinking...what if we had to prepare a "sexual resume?" What would be on it?

I guess you would start first with your physical attributes and maybe follow this with your unique skill sets and lesser competencies. References available upon request....

What else should appear on one's sexual resume?
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Are you afraid of flying in planes?
Posted: 6/2/2009 1:14:45 PM
It beats the alternative.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Would you date yourself?
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:58:33 PM
Yes. And we're exclusive.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Star Trek-Trekkies-geeks or not?
Posted: 5/14/2009 10:34:10 AM

I guess what I am trying to say is, I like Trekkies/ers they are smart, they make things go.


And I love obscure comments that many won't understand.

 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
African American Community and Extinction
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:39:21 AM
One day we will all be Just American...


What a wonderful response, SAguy. Made me feel good to read it. Thank you. While I enjoy our diversity and hope we never all come to be "the same", I sure do look forward to that day.
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Pets and their Health Care
Posted: 5/8/2009 1:22:08 PM
And sometimes it just comes down to finances. It hurts to say goodbye to a loved pet, but there are many other animals out there needing a good home - and equally deserving. So, why should I spend countless amounts of money to provide a few more questionable years for an animal I know has lived a good life - when so many others have not had that chance? Just my way of looking at it....
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
SWINE FLU and Dating....
Posted: 5/7/2009 11:08:10 AM

It will be an APORKalypse of HAMdemic PORKportions!!!!




Now THAT was funny!
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
SWINE FLU and Dating....
Posted: 4/29/2009 3:44:12 PM
For the many POFers who never seem to move the dating past the "online" stage, the swine flu should have no effect.

Jokes aside, however, the World Health Organization has just raised the swine flu alert to level 5, or a pandemic phase. 6 is as high as it goes - so it's pretty serious.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 156 (view)
 
WEIRDEST SANDWICH YOU HAVE EATEN
Posted: 4/28/2009 2:03:02 PM
Bread, butter and garlic. Yum!
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
What is your worst habit?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:28:14 AM
Becoming distracted. I'm sorry. What was the question again?
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Dropouts
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:13:09 PM
Following this thread, I have to admit that friends who chose not to go to College inevitably all earn higher salaries than I do, after having gone to the Master's level. So College isn't the end-all financially. Still, College is a great place to think about what you want to be, try a little of this and a little of that. It's not for everyone, but for some, it's everything.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
what does open-minded imply?
Posted: 4/8/2009 7:19:59 AM
"open minded" lolz first thing that comes to mind is you better like dwarf porn , goats and feta cheese ...


Hey...I get the dwarf reference and maybe even the goats...but feta cheese?
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Do you like bubble gum? Any special meaning?
Posted: 3/27/2009 6:16:12 AM
Urban Dictionary? OMG. I don't even want to ASK about chocolate!
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 59 (view)
 
What do you miss most about being a kid?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:29:45 AM
Endless summers outside playing
Penny candy at the store
Kickball down the street
Riding my bike fast downhill with no hands
Free-For-All wrestling matches with brothers and sister
Making forts
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
First signs of Spring
Posted: 3/15/2009 4:07:10 PM
Yellow and purple crocuses in bloom, buds on the willow tree, new tendrils on the strawberry plants...covered in rusty fuzz, baby fish in the water garden....
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Ideas man
Posted: 3/3/2009 2:20:21 PM
Plus...who's gonna enforce it? What third party has that kind of power? Klaatu? I think the concept is great with a little tweaking - and an authority to make it happen. Like kids playing in the sand box and mom watching over...
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
If you had your choice to be able to fly or to be invisible
Posted: 2/23/2009 10:48:49 AM
I would fly and once I got started, it would be hard to stop. Sort of addicting. Fly here, fly there...fly wherever you want, whenever you want. Slap on a backpack and bring some picnic foods - up, up and away!
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How pets came into our lives
Posted: 2/16/2009 8:09:49 PM
Ben stumbled into my life on three legs. I took him to the vet to fix the fourth and tried to find his original owners. Turns out he'd been found by a family down the street - and they'd named him Baby. They couldn't keep him and found him new owners - they named him Bruno. He ran away from them and was kept by another family - who named him Barney.

Ben developed cancer in the leg that wasn't broken and I suppose he's somewhere right now in doggy heaven. I wonder what they call him? Maybe Buddy. Because he definitely was.
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
dry orgasm
Posted: 2/13/2009 1:00:42 PM
What? And why would you want to? LOL.

Oh....en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgasm
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 218 (view)
 
If you could have, a free holiday where would you go?
Posted: 2/10/2009 6:55:46 PM
One loooooong trip around the world.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
What is your favorite time of day.......and why?
Posted: 2/9/2009 7:50:37 AM
Bedtime. All the day is done and things start to wind down. The house slowly becomes more and more quiet as you approach bedtime. The last straightening up, making sure all is closed up tight - snug as a bug in a rug. Then you curl up under covers and let your mind wander - reviewing the day, making plans for the next, remembering what you did or didn't do...as your body begins to relax, you breathe deeply and finally your mind just lets go.

Can I go to bed now?
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Set point
Posted: 2/5/2009 12:49:16 PM
Thanks for the response.

I suppose that IS the question - whether I am willing to change my lifestyle any further. Beyond starvation, I feel I've done all I can to maintain a healthy lifestyle. So I suppose that answers my question. I will continue to try to increase my metabolism through resistance training and cardio. I reap countless rewards from that, in any case. But I wont starve myself because I can't live that way.

I guess myths survive because they feel real. This one certainly feels real to me.

Thanks....
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Set point
Posted: 2/5/2009 12:14:25 PM
I'm a firm believer in the set point. I lost lots of weight to get where I am now, but my body seems to have settled into this weight and nothing I can do will help me take off the last pounds.

I have taken up cardio and resistance training, also stretching and toning every day. I've reduced calories. No sugar - only healthy food. Not starvation - but moderate amounts. Of course, I feel better and notice strong muscles. But no change in weight - and can't get rid of the tummy.

In frustration, I gave up on it all and totally pigged out for days on end. Again, no change in weight. It's been more than a year of this. I'm back to eating sensibly and working out - just because I know it's good for me...and trying not to focus on the scale. But thought I would check with others. Is there any other way to sneak past this set point? Or do I just accept that this is how my body will stay?
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Am I still in high school???
Posted: 1/30/2009 12:38:30 PM
You just have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your fishie, OP. We're all in the same boat. Maybe you can try to set better filters...before you meet.
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Best thing about being a single mom/dad?
Posted: 1/23/2009 9:12:51 AM
Becoming a single mom was a choice for me, as my son is adopted. I know it is the best thing I have ever done for myself, but I often wondered about bringing my son into a single-parent home when he may have ended up in a 2-parent home. The best thing for me was understanding that I cannot do it alone. Although it sounds corny, for me, it is true that it takes a village. Our "Village People" watch over us both, help us, love us...and us them. So, the best thing for me is being part of a fantastic village and knowing that if I can't give that particular experience, perspective, lesson to my son...I know he will gain it from someone else in our village.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Earliest childhood memory?
Posted: 1/18/2009 5:36:11 PM
I have no idea how old I was, but I had a doll and she was as tall as I was and had a similar haircut. People pretended she was real and I was amazed that they really couldn't tell she was a doll.
 luv_travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
T.V. and Hollywood`s effect on physical requirements.
Posted: 1/18/2009 5:22:05 PM

Dont you feel like Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll world?


What an AWESOME quote! Thanks for that....
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Do you think your best is ...
Posted: 1/16/2009 2:05:20 PM
My best is...right now.
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 39 (view)
 
older guys with younger children
Posted: 1/16/2009 1:49:34 PM

Now if a perfect world were to exist today, and I had two choices, I would accept either, a woman close to my age with one child close to my sons age, or a woman close to my age, with any number of children who are young adults


I would add another possibility. There are those who have never had children, perhaps not by personal choice, but because things never worked out that way. They might be thrilled at the opportunity - at this point in their lives - to experience the joy a young child can bring.
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Anything!!!
Posted: 12/17/2008 5:49:21 AM
^^^^^^^ Great answer!
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How come so many people seem to be clueless about sex?
Posted: 12/16/2008 5:54:19 AM
So....we don't learn it in school and it's not something we can usually discuss openly with our parents. That leaves our friends. And then we're only getting what limited - and potentially warped - experience they have. There's always Dr. Ruth, I guess. Myself, I like the idea of this open forum. While some of the responses will be downright scary, most will be balanced and come from people of various backgrounds and ages. And as my second grade teacher said, there is no such thing as a dumb question.
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Women's Emotional Needs
Posted: 12/12/2008 1:29:53 PM
Each person is unique - man or woman. That said, I can't imagine she would respond negatively to your desire to talk about it. Snapping at you? That would seem a bit odd. Why don't you just try for a nice, relaxed moment...and just open the conversation?
 Luv_Travl
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
The Pet Name Syndrome
Posted: 12/12/2008 10:29:07 AM
Fellow Gemini...

What a hoot this question is! Why don't you always try to intersperse her real name along with those pet names? Variety is the spice of life....
 
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