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 Author Thread: A Trip to Wal-Mart
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
A Trip to Wal-Mart
Posted: 1/11/2017 5:29:10 PM
A Trip to Wal-Mart

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house --
mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or
whatever. You are hot and sweaty and are covered in dirt or paint.
You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit: jeans with
the hole in the knee, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what,
and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great
home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to
get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age, you might do the following:

In your 20s: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry
your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check
yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne
because you never know -- you just might meet some hot chick while
standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty
girl running the register.

In your 30s: Stop what you are doing, put on clean jeans and shirt.
Change shoes. You married the hot chick, so no need for much else.
Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror.
Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.
The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you
went to school with.

In your 40s: Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is
long enough to cover the paint stain on the pocket of your jeans. Put
on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut
cologne is almost empty, so you don't want to waste any of it on a
trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror. The spicy young thing
running the register is your daughter's age.

In your 50s: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off
your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to
get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you
swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.
The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and
you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is
from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms."

In your 60s: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose
the dog poop off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were
in your 50s. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't
have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70s: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until
they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog
poop on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you
because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80s: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again.
Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart
and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. The
old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
One Liners
Posted: 3/1/2016 10:10:50 AM
With all thats happening in North America right now, what with talk of walls and etc.. What we need is one liners to start and end messages and conversations.

I'll start, feel free to add more;

1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

4. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

5. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

6. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

7. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

8. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

9. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

10. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

11. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

12. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

13. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

14. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

15. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

16. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

17. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

18. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

19. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-****.

20. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

21. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…

22. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

23. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

24. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

25. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
Posted: 2/13/2016 7:09:07 AM
I never worry about a lottery win. As the odds of that happening are slim to none.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 83 (view)
What is the reason Canda elected Trudeau Can Canada be more liberal?
Posted: 12/20/2015 1:59:28 PM
Trudeau won because his name wasn't Harper.....
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
People with no Pictures-Opinions??
Posted: 12/20/2015 1:34:39 PM
Agreed. The pic that is posted may or may not depict reality. I recently had a date with a woman who's profile pic was probably taken 10 or more years ago. Deceptive or what. Not only was I looking to meet the wrong person, but after chatting for a while no mention was ever made of recent pics. I just took it for granted that she looked like her pic, naive or what.......
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
Best Movie-Oscars,Who Will Win?
Posted: 2/25/2013 6:57:09 AM
Argo proves that truth is stranger than fiction.

I enjoy historical fact based dramas, but Argo is Hollywood fabrication. It was a shoe in to win “Best Picture” because Hollywood was able to pat itself on the back. Once again pride and vanity win out over the truth.

-Did the Iranians ever call the fake production company to check the story out: No
-Did the Iranians chase the Argo crew to the airport: No

One of the 6 U.S. hostages, Kathleen F. Stafford who was a Consular assistant said: "There were many heroes in this story, she says, especially the Canadians." Ken Taylor was subsequently awarded the Congressional Gold Medal by the U.S. Congress for his assistance to the United States of America.

The most disputed aspect of the movie’s version of events has to do with Canada’s role in the escape 30 years ago. Canada received complete credit for the rescue, because the U.S. was worried about possible repercussions if CIA involvement was publicized. The Americans were housed by two Canadians: the Ambassador Taylor, and a Canadian embassy employee, John Sheardown. (In the film, all of them stay with Taylor). It was Taylor who cabled Washington to begin the escape plan in earnest, and once the plan was decided on, Canadians “scouted the airport, sent people in and out of Iran to establish random patterns and get copies of entry and exit visas, bought three sets of airline tickets,” and “even coached the six in sounding Canadian.”

Almost none of that appears in Argo. Taylor himself has a major part, and is presented as a sympathetic and brave man who took great personal risks to save the Americans. But his actual role was even larger. He was “spying for the U.S. throughout the hostage crisis, at the request of Jimmy Carter.” After some friends who attended the Argo premiere in Toronto described it to Taylor, he expressed concern “that we’re portrayed as innkeepers who are waiting to be saved by the CIA”.

The lack of the portrayal of Canada’s involvement isn’t the only thing that has gotten the goat of some, though—it’s the trip to the airport that serves as the movie’s climax. Affleck’s version involves every conceivable complication—each one of them invented purely to create tension. In the movie, the U.S. government reverses approval of the plan at the last minute, there may be no plane tickets waiting for the Americans. In fact, the plane tickets were purchased ahead of time by the Canadians. Airport security guards stop the Americans in the film, leading to a tense scene in which one of the Americans makes the risky decision to speak Farsi with the guards. Actually the trip through the airport was “smooth as silk,” as Mendez wrote. Improbably, the teams of carpet weavers that the Iranian government put to work repairing shredded documents piece together the face of one of the six Americans right as the group reaches the airport, those carpet weavers relay the image to their higher-ups in time for armed men to chase down the departing airplane. None of that happened.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Typos in news headlines
Posted: 2/13/2013 3:02:04 PM

"One man was admitted to hospital suffering from buns" – Bristol Gazette

"Germans are so small that there may be as many as one billion, seven hundred million of them in a drop of water." – Mobile Press

"It is proposed to use this donation to purchase new wenches for our park as the present old ones are in a very dilapidated state" Carrolton Chronicle, Ohio
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
worst song
Posted: 2/13/2013 2:24:50 PM
Of course no one can forget without destroying their cranium the CHEEKY GIRLS 2002 hit "The Cheeky Song (Touch my bum). Especially with lyrics like;

Cheeky girls Ooh, boys cheeky girls Ooh, girls cheeky boys Ooh, boys cheeky girls Ooh, girls cheeky boys
Ooh, boys cheeky girls Ooh, girls cheeky boys Ooh, boys cheeky girls Ooh, girls cheeky boys
I never ever ask where do you go I never ever ask what do you do I never ever ask what's in your mind I never ever ask if you'll be mine Come and smile don't be shy Touch my bum this is life, ooh
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 71 (view)
Trump for President
Posted: 4/28/2011 5:15:44 AM
The "Birther" issue will NEVER go away regardless of what proof is proffered by Obama. They are like candy to most people. It will never go away any more than any other conspiracy theory's will. Since 194? there has been a conspiracy theory that FDR had something to do with Pearl Harbor. Since 1969 there has been a conspiracy theory that the USA didn't land on the moon. Since 1963 there have been uncounted theories about Kennedy. I've heard conspiracy theories about 9/11 too. These theories all seem to fit someones agenda. There is no end to these theorys and there never will be, it doesn't matter if the theory is right-wing or left-wing. Trump has certainly been sued more and has gone bankrupt more than the president. In my opinion the GOP would regret his nomination.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Charlie Sheen
Posted: 3/6/2011 1:28:56 AM
Seems like Charlie has been an accident waiting to happen for years now;

Sheen has a long history of being abusive to the women in his life. He allegedly shot actress Kelly Preston in the arm in 1991 while they were engaged. It was deemed an "accident" but since the engagement ended something serious happened between Preston and Sheen.

Also, in 1996 Charlie Sheen abused his girlfriend Brittany Ashland. The Los Angeles Times notes that he "pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of battery with serious bodily injury." That domestic dispute involved Charlie causing Brittany to become unconscious when his violence knocked her to the floor.

Who would ever want to watch a TV show or movie with Charlie Sheen now? I would be thinking about how he has assaulted so many women who he supposedly loved. Love and violence don't go together. His character on 2 and 1/2 Men was always a bit shallow. Guess he can't tell the difference between life on a TV show Vs. Real Life.

before they quit, Charlie Sheen's PR people said "do not be misled by appearance. Appearance and reality can be as different as night and day" according to CNN. Well, right now Charlie Sheen appears to be a thug in his relationships with women. He appears to have a long, ongoing violent streak with women. He appears to have a rage problem.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
alternate meanings
Posted: 3/4/2011 7:24:49 PM
MENSA Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an ***hole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8 Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16 Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5 Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
Favorite joke by a famous comedian
Posted: 2/10/2011 1:09:38 PM
Ron White;

here was a guy, down in Florida, who said that the age of 53 years old he was in good enough physical condition to withstand the wind, rain, and hail of a force-5 hurricane. Now, lemme explain somethin' to ya: It isn't *that* the wind is blowin'. It's *what* the wind is blowin'. If you get hit by a *Volvo*, it don't matter how many sit-ups you did that mornin'.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Posted: 1/3/2011 7:31:21 PM

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt'! Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can correct them.

Crock O. Schitt
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
pof credits to see if your messages are read
Posted: 12/5/2010 7:08:02 PM
"Remember that we are the largest 100% free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate."
- not anymore they arn't. They might want to change that percentage in the banner ad: "100% free online dating service"
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 37 (view)
Do white Americans have low-paying jobs by choice or necessity?
Posted: 8/10/2010 6:38:55 PM
I don't think skin pigment has anything to do with the type of job someone has. Sometimes people have to work at what ever job is available. Not everyone can be a Bill Gates or rich like Oprah Winfrey.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
Posted: 7/4/2010 4:28:01 AM
Let the games begin. The underground economy will get larger and soon the HST will hit 14%, then the year after 15%, then 16%, and so on. Thanx Dalton, my property taxes are 8% more and that $100 in June 2010, Dec. and June 2011 sure helps out a lot
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Politician in Hell
Posted: 4/26/2010 3:46:00 PM
You can substitute "Republican" for any political leaning you'd like and this will work;
While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." says the Republican.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Republican head of state.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil (a Republican, too), who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator
rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the Republican head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

He reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: "Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to the Republican and lays an arm on his neck.

"I don't understand," stammers the Republican head of state. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"

remember, this a humor forum....
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
The Too Tired Thread (or...what I thought it said)
Posted: 4/25/2010 3:47:43 AM
They're in your garden. They're on your BLT sandwich. And they're ripe for revenge! Yes, it's the ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES!
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
Cops stop me then just leave?
Posted: 4/20/2010 2:29:30 PM
They were board and had nothing else to do.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
Tiger Woods jokes
Posted: 4/9/2010 11:43:03 AM
The Masters started yesterday. The only reason Elin Woods let Tiger play is because the tournament has 18 hole coverage and she can see exactly where he is and what he is doing the whole round. Masters Chairman Billy Payne criticized Tiger Woods’ behavior, saying he did not live up to expectations. He also criticized Elin Woods for attacking Tiger, saying a woman should never, ever touch a golf club.

If it is shown in 3D then anytime someone swings a 9 iron Tiger may experience PTSD.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
Ann Coulter
Posted: 3/29/2010 7:17:17 AM

While I agree that she is a moron, apparently she was actually semi-correct there. We did send troops but they were non-combative troops. So, they were both in the wrong but unfortunately, she came out looking better as for the first time in her life, she didn't start yelling and raise a stink but said that she'd get back to him instead.

Thats true;

It may be semantics, but, approximately 42,000 combat troops who were from Canada fought in Vietnam. as of 2010 7 are MIA over there. The "42,000" volunteered and joined the US military. The vast majority moved back to Canada after. While I DO NOT support Ann Coulter in any way, shape or form, people are free to do, within the law, what they want....

Canada's version of the Black Wall is in southern Ontario.

Rock On
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 87 (view)
Profile cliches: My friends and family are important to me!
Posted: 3/28/2010 4:32:47 AM

Personals which say they smoke 'occasionally".

Either you smoke or you dont.
Its kinda like being pregnant.

You is or you aint.

agree, who's kidding who? I suppose that "occasionally" makes it thru filters and an outright "yes" wouldn't. Another is when they list "anything outdoors" in their interests.... does that include going outside to get the mail, to goto the mall, or mow the lawn.

Rock on
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 32 (view)
Why do people REALLY Hate Ohio and Ohioans?
Posted: 3/27/2010 4:42:29 PM

Was he related to "Kenny"?

no, John Ross Ewing, Jr.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
Brain death on Canadian campus
Posted: 3/27/2010 4:38:21 PM
I was considering going to U or R, after seeing the story on the news then reading this forum, I'm not sure I want to..... I'm sorry but I live next to a military base, CFB Trenton, and I have a high regard for members of the military. Funny, I don't consider the mission to Hati or rebuilding infrastructure (like building schools and providing clean water) in Afghanistan or ETC imperialism. The soldiers don't make foreign policy, they just follow the orders of the civilian gov't.

I'm a DSW and I don't see "Project Hero" as any thing but the right thing to do (no pun intended) . Like the G.I. Bill that gave thousands of people the chance to goto school after WWII. I have a relative who took advantage of that. He retired after being the treasurer of the University of Hawaii. Without that bill I can't be certain he'd of gone to school for lack of rich parents. College and University is expensive, factor in the books and fees and it gets even more so. People who have chosen the military as a career don't generally earn a lot. If the parent in the army is lost, then that parent's children may not have the same opportunity to goto school and make something of themselves like a nurse, a PSW, a MSW, or a DSW. I don't see
universal qualified access to post-secondary education.
as anything that would fly. Thats why god invented OSAP and what ever thy call that in Saskatchewan. Student loans have to be paid back....

There are 30 million people (give or take) living in Canada and I expect there are just as many opinions.

Rock on
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 218 (view)
A great day for America
Posted: 3/24/2010 3:59:20 PM
Here is, yet, one more spin on the issue;

About 16 million Americans will be added to the Medicaid program. Medicaid reimbursements will be raised to Medicare levels for general internists, family physicians, and pediatricians in 2013 and 2014. Thomas N. Ahlborn, MD, President of Medical Staff and Director of the Department of Surgery at Valley Hospital in Ridgewood, New Jersey.

What Does the Healthcare Reform Bill Really Mean for Doctors?: New Business Opportunities for Primary Care?

The roster of newly insured patients could turn into a flood or it could turn out to be less than anticipated. But in many cases, it could represent practice opportunities for doctors.

* New business models may attract primary care physicians willing to hire more PAs and NPs (called Personal Support Workers AND Licensed Practical Nurses in other countries) in order to see patients. Doctors who expand in this way could increase their volume of patients while containing costs by using healthcare providers with salaries less than that of physicians.
* Inner-city practices may spring up. Some doctors may be interested in setting up practices in inner cities or areas where patients are now served by clinics or training hospitals. "There might be more demand in inner-city areas or indigent areas where the Medicaid population is greater," says Ahlborn. "Many of those distressed areas probably have a paucity of physicians to begin with."
* Payment instead of unpaid charity care. Hospitals currently lose millions of dollars annually on charity care for patients who show up in the emergency room without insurance and who do not pay their bills. Physicians also do not get paid -- or receive a pittance -- for charity care. If patients going to hospital emergency rooms have insurance -- even at Medicare rates -- hospitals and doctors will receive at least some degree of payment.
* More primary care doctors will be trained. There are provisions of increasing the number of primary care doctors to be available in the future to care for the additional patients.

However, Ahlborn cautions that it's not a given that all newly insured patients will opt to see primary care doctors in office practices.

"Most uninsured people are being seen now, whether it's in clinics or hospital emergency rooms," says Ahlborn. "There are also people who have the opportunity to see physicians but don't access them. And some patients may not be diligent at managing their healthcare or getting screening tests every year or every 3 years. "

There are 300 million (give or take) people in the US and just as many opinions.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
Posted: 3/24/2010 3:19:10 PM
The spring-like temps finally arrived last week. I've been out a few times on the E-Bike, WHAT A BLAST. The first time I motored away it didn't even sound as if it was on. The lack of motor sounds was more than made up by the sound the turn indicator makes.

It sure is easy on gas, didn't have to stop for petrol at all The 500w engine does an adequate job on the hills around here.

Got a few "WTF is that" looks from pedestrians & car drivers, oh well, whatever "floats your boat".....

BTW - the 500/800w bikes arn't legal on the roads, because the cops can't tell if your running in the 500w or the 800w mode.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 2502 (view)
do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 3/24/2010 2:44:44 PM

well if there is i have never met one

I don't want to dissuade or depress, but, after 112 pages I think we can honestly say that some will and some won't. Finding that man will be harder and I don't seriously think anyone can can tell anyone where to look or what methods to use - there isn't a handbook anywhere in print. It can be done, but, remember your chances are about the same as getting struck by lightning or winning the lottery. The same goes for the men with kids looking for ladies.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 95 (view)
A great day for America
Posted: 3/22/2010 7:56:18 PM

Why did Canada's head muckety muck come to the USA for medical care?

check your facts - he wasn't
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 93 (view)
A great day for America
Posted: 3/22/2010 7:54:28 PM
Having lived on both sides of the boarder all I can say is that this will be very interesting to watch. The Democrats will "spin" it their way and the Republicans will "spin" it theirs. Numbers can say anything if, one, you only poll the "right" people or, two, you make them up. The spin doctors will be employed for years. Finally, a reality TV show worth watching!

Just think of the skits from Rush & Jon Stewart we can look forward to

Let the games begin
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Posted: 3/2/2010 10:48:39 AM
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot
accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The florist
was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community
service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you'
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a congressmen came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week.' The congressmen was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the
citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 38 (view)
WTF are the little yellow dots
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:18:58 PM

WTF are the little yellow dots
- the prelude to asking your income...

-Allegedly the income information will be kept
-Allegedly the income information will be used to find you a better, lol
-since I'm not in the habit of lying cuz I'd forget the lie
-but since I have written record and evidence here to remind me
-and since I'm promised to get better matches and since logic has it as being better to be fed than feeding others, I concluded after long internal


and guess what after a week looking and comparing the search results all of the same ole fishies still show up.

The question has very little to do with matches, more to do with advertising. I haven't changed, so, why would my matches......
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Media Reporting Vs. Reality
Posted: 2/14/2010 1:45:57 PM
A Harley biker is visiting the zoo in Trenton, Ontario when he sees a little girl leaning into the bars of the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker without hesitation runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A CBC reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the biker says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.' The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?' The biker replies, 'I'm a soldier in the Canadian military and a Conservative.' The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions and reads on the front page:

Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
canada in shock today - russell williams, death at the olympics
Posted: 2/13/2010 6:44:48 PM

I also didn't appreciate that everything was done in french first and then in an anglo, I was insulted.

I'm an anglo myself and I'm "imported" - never learned french. Why do the announcements get listed in French first?
Because the founder of the Modern Olympic Games was French, and the Headquarters of the International Olympic Committee is located in Switzerland and French is one of the official languages of Switzerland. Can't argue with tradition.....
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
Is the Military a Breeding Ground for Nutbars?
Posted: 2/13/2010 2:50:46 PM
in Canada, we are fortunate in that we have few comparison with the states

we'll just forget the fact that the US has 10times the population Canada does. It's an annoying little factoid that people north of the border are very successful at forgetting....

There are a lot of DAMN good men and women in the Military...what this Colonel has been accused of, is a one off thing. No different then if he was a fireman, police officer, Corporate CEO, Banker, Stock Broker, Postal worker..... What he allegedly did or anyone else who is accused of breaking the law has no bearing on what he/she does for a living. IMHO

Yes and I know a few of them. At the moment they're either serving as medical staff in Haiti, in Afghanistan or as search n rescue. They do it because of pride, honor and a strong sense patriotism. One bad apple in a group as large as the CF was in this case tragic for Jessica Lloyd & Marie Comeau, but, should not be a reason to condemn the the fine citizens who are in Canadian Forces. The man hasn't been convicted yet, doesn't look good for him, but lets just wait shall we....
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
Insurance Companies
Posted: 2/13/2010 1:49:58 PM
Hmm....Gov't run insurance or in the case of BC, gov't run everything. Concept is sound enough, but, thats why BC doesn't stand for "British Columbia", it stands for "Bring Cash". As far as being able to complain to elected officials, good luck on that one. Don't think the guys n gals in Queens Park are really gonna care. Did Brian care about a few disgruntled voters when he brought in the GST? Did Dalton care when he brought in the HST? HST is coming soon to a theater near you, the trailer can be seen Nova Scotia.

I've no love for insurance companies in general (a necessary evil). Gov't run insurance better than private - a mythical beast that died of a theory...... At the end of the day they're both the same. The cost is the same just charged in different ways.

Solution for you - get a peddle bike or an E-Bike.....

Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 511 (view)
New Orleans Saints
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:34:57 PM

10-0 Colts end of the first Qtr. It's only going to get worse for the Aints

Looks like the colts choked. 31-17 Saints! Porters pick was AMAZING! 31-17 COOL!!!!
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Question about Therapeutic Recreation - Gerontology
Posted: 1/23/2010 10:47:17 AM
I graduated with my DSW a few years ago and now I'd like to take a "Therapeutic Recreation - Gerontology" certificate or degree online. I've looked all over the web, no luck. Universitys either want you to have you Bachelors before you start their certificate course or they don't offer it. The Canadian schools I've looked at only offer some of the courses on line and not all you need to graduate. Last one I looked at wanted me to fly across the country for a 1 day workshop every year - that could get expensive.

Does anyone know of any reputable fully online programs in "Therapeutic Recreation"

Tanks in advance.....
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Alberta court decides.....
Posted: 1/23/2010 4:41:27 AM
EDMONTON, ALBERTA (CP) -A seven-year-old Edmonton boy was at the center of an Edmonton city courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy alleged they had also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Edmonton Oilers, whom the boy and judge both firmly believe are not capable of beating anyone.

I do not know if you follow hockey at all but the Edmonton Oilers are currently into a 17 game losing streak.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 71 (view)
Profile cliches: My friends and family are important to me!
Posted: 1/15/2010 2:35:05 AM
This is an old thread, but, hilarious!
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Posted: 1/14/2010 5:08:04 AM
I'm looking at buying GIO's 500w E-Bike, so, my question is what has your experience been; good/bad/indifferent..... What laws does Ontario have regarding them? I know you can't ride on 400 series highways (makes sense as it would be suicidal to try!). Anyone have experience with them?

Please & Thank-you
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
New laws of the universe
Posted: 1/6/2010 6:31:19 PM
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of any itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot
coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced
jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are
directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated
with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a
machine won't work, it will.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you
never get a busy signal.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to
the least accessible corner.

Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in
will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water,
the telephone rings.

Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 56 (view)
Christmas is just a waste of resources ... ?
Posted: 12/19/2009 7:09:38 PM
I guess it really depends on what makes Christmas special to you. Is it the big expensive gifts like the stores would like you to think is the most important or is it the family time and the good feelings in the community.

Its still "up in the air" which has a smaller carbon footprint; trees that grow up to be Christmas Trees or Artificial trees (I've been using an artificial one for years now). North Americans and humans in general always want to it better the next time - so we DO end up with front lawns that look like landing strips for airplanes (the "Tim Taylor" effect, we always want to "one up" the other guy, just human nature). Can really associate this with one nationality or other, the U.S.A. just happens to have a VERY large population and that makes it more visible. Can't really blame the "eco" thing on any one holiday. Just look at Turkey Day....

I guess you can buy into the hype or not, its up to you. Kinda like do you say "Merry Christmas" or do you say "Happy Holidays"?
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
Posted: 12/14/2009 5:21:56 PM
When the great Brian brought in a new tax called the GST , wasn't the main "selling" feature of the GST to help business. In turn, wasn't it foretold/proficied when the word was sent down from the mountain that business would pass the savings on to the working or semi-working class. Wasn't it also foretold that new jobs would be created. Did that happen, not as far as I can tell....
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Post Turtle
Posted: 12/5/2009 4:20:27 PM
I've seen this joke in many depending on your political stripe or location your free to substitute any politician you like. I've even seen it used for management in companies and businesses.

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Dalton McGuinty and his bid to not be reelected Premier of Ontario.

The old rancher said, ‘Well, ya know, McGuinty is a post turtle.’

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.

The old rancher said, ‘When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle.’

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to explain. ‘You know he didn’t get up there by herself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Posted: 11/23/2009 5:56:57 PM
The French government are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.

-Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

-The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

-Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual. The only threat they recognize is NATO pulling out of Brussels ...

-The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines deployed. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish Navy.

-Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-preemptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

-New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!" Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Sh*t, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

-Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain;
"Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is canceled". Never before has the barbie been canceled.

-The British have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
MJ or Farrah - eclipse?
Posted: 6/26/2009 9:14:15 PM
A good point was brought up on the bus today. Will the passing of Michael Jackson totally "eclipse" the passing of Farrah Fawcett in the news media?

Especially, now, that the media has started to report that Jackson was addicted to painkillers. In 5 years time will you mark "the day" when MJ died or Farrah died?
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:00:41 PM
Michael Jackson dead. Many around the world saw him grow from the Jackson 5 thru his solo career. Many detractors and even more fans. I can't count myself as a fan, but, Rest in Peace.......

Farrah Fawcett gone too. How many men of the Charlies Angles generation can say she wasn't "inspirational" Her recent Cancer battle was inspirational to many (men & women) as well. RIP....

Won't forget Ed McMann, but, I'm still waiting for my publishers clearing house prize!

Didn't personally know any of these people. They were, however, icons that helped shape society....RIP.....
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
Michael Jackson Has Died?
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:48:48 PM
Michael Jackson dead. Many around the world saw him grow from the Jackson 5 thru his solo career. Many detractors and even more fans. I can't count myself as a fan, but, Rest in Peace.......
Alas, Farrah Fawcett gone too. How many men of the Charlies Angles generation can say she wasn't "inspirational" Her recent Cancer battle was inspirational to many (men & women) as well. RIP....
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
Chip off the 'ol block - PTA conference
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:42:47 AM
When I arrived for my daughter's parent-teacher conference, the
teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling
me that my little girl didn't always pay attention in class and was
sometimes a little flighty.

"For example, she'll do the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher
explained, "and I've even found her sitting at the wrong desk."

"I don't understand," I replied defensively. "Where could she have
gotten that?"

The teacher went on to reassure me that my daughter was still doing
fine in school and was sweet and likable.

Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, Mrs. Hallinan, our
appointment is tomorrow."
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
They don't make them like they used to - honest help
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:40:08 AM
A burglar alarm sent out its piercing wail in the dark of night in
Brooklyn and the police arrived just in time to collar the burglar,
Morris Spiegel, as he was leaving the premises with a big bag full of
loot. Soon, he was in court facing a grim-looking judge.

"Did you have an accomplice?" asked the judge.

"What's an accomplice?" replied Morris.

"A partner. In other words, did you commit this crime by yourself?"

"What else?" demanded the culprit. "Who can get honest and reliable
help these days?"
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