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 Author Thread: Burning Man '08
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Burning Man '08
Posted: 8/2/2008 2:21:26 AM
Some people I met at the burn were married at the cathedral that year. Ranger Beauty married Mike and Emma toward the end of the event ... they were already starting to tear down the piece.

They came all the way from England to be married there (a real marriage, not a "playa wedding") and it was wonderful with her in a white flowing dress and him in a tux. They didn't come back in 07 but I heard from Emma that they are planning to be back in 08.

That is one thing I really enjoy about that event; getting to make new friends from all around the world. Camp placement has been posted on the Burning Man website. Looks like we will be at around 5:30 and A. Stop by for a beer!

Also, we have a bluegrass jam on Saturday at noon. If you play an instrument, bring it along, particularly fiddles and banjos.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
whats the worst thing you have done?
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:21:25 AM
In a relationship several years ago with someone who wanted to be bound up. So ... I did. And if I remember correctly, there was a pair of vibrating nipple clamps involved and I had one of them attached to a certain very sensitive location below the navel. She was writhing at that point, so I left to go to the store to get some more beer.

She was still there writhing when I got back mumbling "you S.O.B" over and over ...

She always wanted to do that one again but we never got the chance. Besides, the impact would have been lost. My leaving the first time was quite unexpected, she thought she was going to cum to death.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
What would you say if a girl asked you to be a FWB?
Posted: 7/31/2008 11:00:00 PM
That one is hard to answer "off the cuff" because it would greatly depend on the initial impression and that varies from person to person if it was really "out of the blue". If I was impressed with them in conversation before that came up, I might go for it, it depends. I would generally lean towards "no" if it seemed too abrupt thinking there might be another shoe to drop someplace. But if I got to talking with someone and there was obviously mutual chemistry ... sure, maybe.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 54 (view)
 
What is the bumble bee technique
Posted: 7/31/2008 10:56:19 PM
Well, it is *sort* of about humming but there is a little more to it. It involves the teeth but not in a biting sort of way. If you suck the clitoris in a little so that it is just resting against the teeth and hum, the vibration is transferred while a flicking tongue can add more than just the vibration.

But not all women find it pleasurable. Some don't like having the clitoris sucked on if they are particularly sensitive. Everyone is different. There is no blanket rule book when it comes to pleasing a lover, it takes time to learn their particular responses to various things.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 10:46:13 PM
"Whenever I see "divorced" I think to myself 'damaged goods' "

At my age, anyone who is single and has never been married is most likely "damaged goods" with some very wonderful exceptions. When you get into your late forties, never married or married more than 3 times is a sort of flag that there might be something unusual going on.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Looking for a new location, need some ideas!
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:15:12 PM
Are you looking to rent or buy housing?

I can give you some ideas. Santa Cruz has a large population of educated people and it doesn't snow but it rains like the devil. The town itself is not as "well off" as Silicon Velley which is over the hill on Hwy 17 and that commute is a bear but if you are just going over the hill for meetings and the like, Scotts Valley might be a great compromise. That town itself doesn't meet all your requirements but it is within reasonable driving distance of places that meet all of them.

If money isn't an object, I would suggest Portola Valley or Woodside which are on the West side of I-280 near Palo Alto and Redwood City respectively. Lots of Stanford alumni in that area.

Berkeley is actually pretty run down economically. They have been working hard to drive most real business out of there over the past few decades and seem to be succeeding. I would stay away from that area but there are some neighborhoods in Oakland that border Berkeley that are "gentrifying". Housing is still stupid expensive in the Silicon Valley area but that sounds like what you are looking for.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
 
The Holding up a Beer/Cheers Photos....
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:01:45 PM
Some guys just don't have a large assortment of pictures of themselves around from which to choose ... at least not pictures of them completely clothed that show their faces.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
over40
Posted: 7/20/2008 7:24:29 PM
"Is it normal for a 40 year old man to have never had sex with a woman and claims he is not gay"

Is this a movie script?
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Sex and Parenthood....
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:16:24 PM
"Children do NOT need to see mom, or dad, with a series of friends. "

Excuse me? And why can't mom or dad have friends? I disagree and feel that windloverr is exactly wrong. I have several friends of both sexes. We get together for all kinds of things. Sometimes one or two come over. And when did this become a conversation about child molesters? I am NOT going to allow a total stranger to come over and meet the kids. The conversation was about someone you knew, had been dating, and were getting along with.

At that point I have pretty much ruled them out as a threat to the kids or myself. I could live in constant fear of everyone I don't know and make a point to never get to know anyone better and have sex only when the kids are locked safely away somewhere but that would be weird. Sometimes it become clear why ... oh, nevermind.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Fantastic chats and then they disappear?
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:03:43 PM
" looks like you are hitting it off, planning on meeting, etc - and then *poof* they disappear? What do you think happens to people when they do this? "

Online dating sites, particularly free ones, have a larger population of people who really have no intention of actually meeting anyone in real life. This can be for any number of reasons but basically, there are going to be a lot of people on here who are fantasizing or trying to "get up the nerve" to actually meet people or they are already in a relationship or whatever. Don't let it bother you, it isn't your fault. As you run into these, just consider it part of the "sorting" process.

It happens with guys too. There are many women who enjoy flirting and teasing but really have no intention of following through with meeting anyone.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Has someone immediately removed their profile after your first contact?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:55:22 PM
" Wouldn't it have been so much easier for him to say no thanks?"

Sounds to me like his wife/girlfriend found his profile.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
is this true
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:50:59 PM
"if the guy doesnt come during sex he wasnt really sexually atracted to u in the first place"

Not true as an absolute, but always a possibility in specific instances. There can be many reasons he didn't reach orgasm, what you mention (lack of attraction) being only one of them. Being on anti-depressants can cause a man great difficulty in reaching orgasm and some men naturally take longer. There could be other reasons too ... maybe he has stuff on his mind ... maybe he is concentrating so much on your experience that he can't just let go and have a good one himself. Your friend doesn't know a whole lot about sex in general, it sounds like to me.

"have any of u guys had sex wtih a women that u werent really attracted to but so horny u did it anyways"

If I am so horny that I am going to have sex with a woman I am not really attracted to, I am probably going to come. Unless I have been drinking some ... and then all bets are off.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Burning Man '08
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:43:04 PM
"I can't screw up my courage to go out into the 120 degree heat"

I have never seen 120 degree heat out there. In fact, it hasn't even reached 100 in Gerlach this week. It is so dry there (about 5% humidity) that sitting in the shade with a spray bottle is quite comfy. There's almost always a breeze. What people don't come prepared for is the COLD. It gets downright cold at night and walking back to camp at 2am after dancing since noon wearing nothing more than a tutu and swim fins when it is 40 degrees and there's a 20 mph wind is what gets 'em ... not the heat.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 96 (view)
 
Why does a man want a woman to hold his penis while he urinates?
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:15:47 AM
It has never occurred to me ever in my life to ever ask anyone else to hold my penis while I took a leak. I have never heard of anyone else ever doing this either. Where do find these people, pray tell, so I may avoid them.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Does good looks triumph every time?
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:04:16 AM
Very few 10's are all that good in relationships or even with sex because they don't have to be. They have never had to be in order to attract members of the opposite sex. It really depends on how they were raised. I would take a country 10 over a city 10 any day. Many 10's are really into themselves more than anyone else. I have dated a couple of really nice looking women in my life and they were really great at looking good and saying all the right things at parties and such. But they weren't all that great in private when nobody was looking at them.

On the other hand, I have known a couple of women who were 10's and were absolutely the sweetest people you would ever want to meet. But they were both country girls from down south. I am not sure I would want an urban 10, too materialistic and into themselves for my taste. Give me one who grew up on a farm and knows what work and sacrifice are. THAT is a real 10.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Can you date a political opposite?
Posted: 7/18/2008 7:06:03 PM
"Is it a deal breaker for you?"

I was with a political opposite for over 10 years and we had two kids. Nope, not a deal breaker.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Not tonight, honey...I don't want THROAT CANCER?!
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:39:48 PM
The vaccine is only effective if you have not already been exposed to the virus. If you already have the virus (which is practically everyone over 35 and probably half under that age who are sexually active ... probably 100% of people who have had more than 5 sex partners ... protected or not) then the vaccine is useless. You have already been exposed and already have antibodies to it.

The idea is to give it to people before they are sexually active and have had a chance to get it.

Also, the vaccine does provide cross-immunity to other strains. For example, if you have the vaccine for the strain that causes cervical cancer, it provides immunity to the strain that causes genital warts. Just as if you already have the strain that causes cervical cancer, you will be immune to the strain that causes warts. And it works in reverse as well. If you have the strain that causes warts, you will be immune to the strain that causes cancer.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 78 (view)
 
birthday blow job
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:34:22 PM
"Hes always been nice to me, he even fixed some things of my car for free."

Well, tell him pretty much just that. Tell him that you really appreciate that he has been nice and helped you out of a jam before and so you want to do something special just this once that you don't do for just anyone. But then ask him if it is okay if you give him a blowjob so he has time to maybe shower first or even say no if he wants to.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Why do women do stripteases for their boyfriends?
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:29:39 PM
"are they trying to turn us on or fishing for compliments?"

Maybe. Or maybe it really turns HER on to play out a naughty fantasy in private pretending to be a sexy stripper in a nightclub turning on some strange guy. Maybe each one has their own individual reasons. Next time, ask her, maybe she will tell you. My guess is, though, if it is her idea to do it, it probably arouses HER to do it.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
What does security even mean?
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:24:30 PM
"What is this security securing?"

Their own peace of mind and that is about it. Maybe they are insecure in their sexual performance and are afraid of being compared to so many ... some of whom were probably quite "good". Or maybe they worry that if there were 100 before, maybe there will be 100 after. In other words, they are making up bad scenarios that exist nowhere else but inside their own heads and then go around fearing those scenarios rather than enjoying the moment for what it is. I would guess they would have a very hard time enjoying themselves too because they would be paying such close attention to every little thing their lover is doing ... tone of voice, facial expression ... trying to see if their dreaded scenario of, say, their not being adequate comes true that it probably will! Because they have their mind more focused on the scenario that they fear than on enjoying the sex. Someone that uptight about a sexual encounter is rarely any fun.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Sex and Parenthood....
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:16:29 PM
Was it about bringing someone home you "just met"? I seem to remember the OP being about someone you had met and seemed to be getting along well with. And while your posting about being worried about the safety of the kids as admirable and understandable, think about it for a bit. A person who simply wanted to harm children wouldn't have to wait for someone to invite them in, he could simply see a child going into a house and go right in himself, uninvited. Additionally, if there was someone in this country who was wooing women on personal ads and harming their kids, we would have heard about it ... nonstop for days ... by now. Sure, if someone is pushy about wanting to come into your house, that is a warning sign but if you mention it to them, if it is your idea, and you are getting along with them, I really don't see a problem with it in a safety aspect. I am assuming that one has judged the person to be "non-creepy" by that time and feels comfortable around them.

In a case like mine we would also be talking about a case of inviting a woman in and I don't believe I have ever in all my years heard of a woman meeting someone and upon being invited over to their house, strangling their kids or something ... not ever. Sure, there could always be a first time but I think my odds are better getting struck by lightning or a meteor ... both of which I have heard of in my lifetime.

It is very easy to dream up a scenario and fear it but that doesn't make it reality or even likely to be a reality. Getting along well with someone and saying "hey, want to come back to my place for a bite to eat and a glass of wine?" is not some weird thing to say and just because one has kids does NOT mean they can't have a social life and have friends over or have sex after the kids are asleep. Now if someone is pushy, wants to get into my house, they keep bringing it up, express a strange, obsessive interest in my kids ... there's no way in this world they are getting into my house. But if she is a nice, well adjusted, pleasant person, and we are getting along well and I enjoy her company, I honestly don't have a problem with it.

Lets not go making up scenarios and projecting those onto every encounter with another person before we have even met them, please. That is counter-productive and would result in one being afraid of everyone on the planet.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 172 (view)
 
How many people have actually went on a date using this site?
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:31:10 PM
"Who has been on a date?"

MEMEMEME!

" How many emails, phone calls, im's, or whatever before you went on the date?"

Maybe one or two. I'm not all that interested in dating an IM window or email client or building up a bunch of imaginary notions of what the person might be. I would rather go out and chat face to face or take a walk or have a beer or dinner or something. I am also not interested in people who are phobic about actually meeting real people face to face. It's fine if they are and that's their thing, I am just not really interested in dealing with it. If a person can't bring themselves to go someplace in public and have a sandwich and something to drink, then I am not the right person for them.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Ghetto locations in the bay area to stay away from...
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:09:41 PM
I think Richmond has the highest murder rate in the state. Higher than Oakland.

San Jose is actually pretty safe even in the worst areas compared to other cities. According to the Morgan Quinto website, San Jose is still the safest city in America over 500,000 in population while Richmond ranks 8th most dangerous in the US (and MOST dangerous in California) for cities between 50,000 and 499,999. It is also the most dangerous city in California overall at 12th in the nation for cities of all sizes. San Bernardino and Compton in Southern California are less dangerous than Richmond. Note that I am talking about the City of Richmond between Berkeley and San Pablo in Contra Costa county, not the Richmond district of San Francisco.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Burning Man '08
Posted: 7/18/2008 2:58:11 PM
I'll be there the week before the event working and taking event week off camping with Iron Rose. Stop by and have some bacon fresh off the burn barrel!
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
What would you do??
Posted: 7/18/2008 2:12:38 PM
"you delete your profile or its over before it begins"

If a woman ever told me that, I would at that moment delete her number from my phone, set her "ringtone" to "silent", block messages from here, and set a rule to filter her email to my trashcan ... immediately after calling her and telling her I do not desire any further contact ... ever. Someone telling me what to do in that manner, as if I am some kind of a child and they have some right to dictate to me when I can and can not have an account on a website has some serious personality issues going on that I don't want to be anywhere near ... ever.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
WHY CAN'T A MAN BE MONOGAMOUS
Posted: 7/18/2008 2:06:28 PM
When in human history were men really ever monogamous? Oh, yeah ... when the Pope decreed in the 12th century or so that if you weren't, you could be put to death. And so then men quit marrying more than one and had mistresses/concubines/whatever.

Polygamy was eradicated by the church because it make a mess out of inheritances and resulted in too many birthrights to too many things. So the Pope cleared it all up by allowing only one marriage and that was the only legal lineage to anything. Women and children outside of the one sanctioned marriage had no claim and that made settling estates and handling lines of rights to such things as titles and royalty all the easier.

Even so, people with means had mistresses if they could afford to keep them. And sometimes their wife was someone else's mistress. Never in human history have men ever been "monogamous" in a sexual sense. Marriage has actually been more about ownership of someone's estate than about the ownership of their sexual activities. So even after men were limited to only one wife, they have never until the past hundred years or so been expected to be limited to only one sex partner.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Not tonight, honey...I don't want THROAT CANCER?!
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:35:08 PM
This isn't anything new. HPV has been around since there have been humans. Most strains cause no symptoms at all but some can be dangerous. There is no test for males for practically all strains of HPV and there is really no way to avoid them as condoms don't protect against them. Assume you already have it because practically all sexually active adults have one strain or another of the virus. It is of no use worrying about it because there is no way to test men for it and there are tests only for certain strains in women.

I believe it is HPV-16 that is the one that has been found in cancerous cells. I think there are more than 100 different strains of HPV and something like 15 or so are dangerous. If you have been having sex, you already have HPV and there is nothing you can do about it. The H in HPV means "Human" and wherever there are humans, there will be HPV. Guaranteed.

This will become less of a problem in future generations as there is now a vaccine for it. But this could possibly cause more problems than it solves. HPV might just protect against something else, we don't know, but humans have evolved with HPV and it hasn't hurt our ability to reproduce over the past few million years.

If you come up negative on an HPV test it is because you have a strain that they can't test for ... which would be about 80% of them. I can pretty much guarantee that all sexually active people have it.

If you are a sexually active female, get regular pap smears. And guys, don't ignore that odd lump in your throat.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Sex and Parenthood....
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:26:19 PM
I am a single parent and I see most of the "tricks" I use are already listed.

If I really like someone and feel comfortable knowing the kids, then they can come over and spend the night. I have several female social friends who are welcome at my house so this doesn't strike them as strange or anything.

But if it is something a little less "deep" then if I am going to ever have someone over the choices are pretty much:

1. Have them come over after the kids are asleep and leave before they wake up.
2. Have the kids sleep at a friends house and do whatever, whenever, whoever, however.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Best sex ever? With a gorgeous partner or somebody that completely surprised you?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:09:22 PM
The best sex I ever had wasn't with someone who was particularly drop-dead gorgeous OR who I was deeply in love with. She was a friend and I really enjoyed her company but I think it was her whole attitude. For some reason what I did really "did it" for her and what she did really "did it" for me ... we were just very sexually compatible. And it was obvious that she enjoyed it immensely (which is a big turn on) and she turned me on to some things I would have never dared suggest at the time. I would say it was more about attitude, enjoyment, and just enjoying the sex for the sex itself without attaching a lot of other baggage to it.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:22:52 PM
" My question to everyone is would you be angered if you were in a relationship with someone and you found out they created a profile on a dating site even if they said they are just looking for friends?"

Personally, I wouldn't mind. If she were looking for another lover, even, I wouldn't mind as long as she was honest about it but that would also tend to depend on how strong our relationship was. I wouldn't be okay with someone continuously trolling for sex, but if she was looking for someone for a little variety or something, I wouldn't mind. I am of the mind that having more than one lover, provided it is stable and not trolling for new partners continuously is probably healthy in the long run. Cheating breaks up a lot of relationships and if she finds someone who excites her but she isn't interested in much more than friendship with benefits, she wouldn't have to cheat. Sure, you take the risk that she might dump you and leave you for someone else, but actually, you take that risk every day as it is.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
When to Tell Her about other interests?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:10:28 PM
Well, I can't speak to cross dressing but I do understand how difficult it can be if you have "other interests" that might be hard to bring up. This is particularly true if you find someone really attractive and are worried that something you like to do might scare them away. It is conflicting because you know that doing whatever that might be really makes you happy but finding one that really "fits" with your life in other ways is really hard to find.

When to come out with that kind of thing depends, I think, on how important you think it might be to you that it be a part of your life together. But overall, if it is really important I would say that earlier is probably better than later because if it is going to be a complete turn off to her and yet vital to you, it would be unfair and a waste of both of your time and wear and tear on your emotions to let things get too far along before you let that cat out of the bag (or rubber suit or what have you).
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Bi- Curious????
Posted: 7/15/2008 9:34:51 PM
"I am inexperienced... so I really have no idea..? Any thoughts or comments?"

Get some experience and let us know what you decided.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
 
condoms
Posted: 7/15/2008 9:26:51 PM
I would always use a condom with someone I am engaging in sex with on a more casual basis or someone whose history is unknown to me or suspect in some way. I am not all that quick to reach orgasm even without a condom and with one I can sometimes not reach orgasm at all with conventional vaginal sex.

A condom will protect against things that are easy to test for ... HIV and various bacterial infections. They won't protect against most other viral infections such as HSV or HPV. An up to date blood donor card is generally a very good indication of someone's heath as someone with most STDs will not be able to donate blood.

Most of all it is a certain comfort level with those you are having sex with. If they tend to be stable in their sexual relationships and appear to care about their own health, chances are you are going to be just fine. 99% of the people over, say, 35 years old, don't have an STD so you can't catch one from them. In fact it is even lower than that. Once you get to age 45 we are talking about one tenth of a percent of the population.

Use condoms if you are having sex with someone you don't know well (or at all) or someone who you suspect might be having unprotected sex with multiple people who aren't known to them. But if you are having sex with most average people who don't have sex with a lot of strangers, you are probably going to be ok.

There's a lot of sex phobia out there, you need to maintain perspective and have a realistic picture of what the risks are.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Being Watched....
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:23:50 PM
"Hurray for mutual masterbation!!! "

I agree with that sentiment. I rather enjoy being watched but I don't like "surprising" anyone. For me it should be done with full knowledge of both parties involved. Getting caught watching or doing when the other party isn't expecting it can lead to serious trouble.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 153 (view)
 
Sex when the woman is having her period.
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:06:54 PM
I will but only with women who I trust enough to risk direct contact with blood ... in other words, the ones who I am fairly certain are HIV-
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 61 (view)
 
How often per week is a normal sex life?
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:05:02 PM
"how often a week is reasonable, is average, is, you know, normal?"

Oh, I dunno ... maybe a couple of times a week with me, a couple times with the neighbor, a few times with her friend down the road .... cripes ... maybe once more with her girlfriend ... I say somewhere between 2 and 27.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Orgasms...
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:02:48 PM
"Has anyone else had this problem?"

Nope. I was having orgasms long before I fell in love with anyone. In fact, before I had ever had sex with a women. Masturbation is a wonderful thing.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:00:41 PM
"Guys especially, how would you react to this kind of requirement?"

I would respect your decision but I would end the relationship. It says to me that you are totally hung up when it comes to sex and are unable to simply enjoy it for its immense physical pleasure. It has to "mean" so much to you that there is automatically a lot of drama around the act of sexual pleasure and that would take most of the fun out of it for me.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
SHOULD I????
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:03:01 PM
Have him get tested. If he is negative, then he is negative ... use protection or not. If he doesn't have an STD, he can't give you one no matter how much sex you have. But you would need to take the usual pregnancy precautions unless he has been snipped.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 78 (view)
 
do men like to be approached first?
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:16:22 PM
I would have to say yes
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Ever wonder if your best days are behind you sexually?
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:15:22 PM
"I just don't get as easily excited as i used to"

Part of that is experience. Sex is different when you are in your teens and 20's and it is still relatively new ... after you have been married for 20 years and/or married a couple of times and had sex just about whenever you want it, some of the excitement goes away or at least changes. But then you should also be gaining a certain comfort level, too, and exploring into areas that you might have seemed a little scary when you were younger might seem more attractive now. So by going "outside the box" a little, you might get some of that excitement back.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Is it normal to sleep in separate bedrooms while visiting your partner's parents?
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:10:21 PM
"Now that's just weird!!"

Yeah, I must have missed that in my original read but weird or not, they get to state the rules in their own house.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Is it normal to sleep in separate bedrooms while visiting your partner's parents?
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:47:45 PM
It is their house. They get to say what the sleeping arrangements will be. If you don't like it, I would suggest you reserve a room at a nearby hotel and stay there.

You ask: What could be their reason not to let us sleep together

Maybe because they hold old fashioned values and you are not married? You must abide by their wishes if you are staying in their home. Let go of your frustration, it is for no reason. You have no right to challenge their values in their home even if you don't share those values.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:42:37 PM
My kids' mom died. Who should I share the parenting with?
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Not Interested in a Serious Relationship
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:40:56 PM
I don't think it always ruins your chances. I think it depends on why he doesn't want a permanent relationship. Does he have kids at home and he doesn't want to bring someone into their lives at that level? That is one reason men might not want to get too serious yet still want a lover who they connect with on both a physical and mental level. Another reason might be that he is in a place in his career where he wants to devote a lot of time and energy to work but would still like to have a lover. And when he finishes whatever it is he is doing career wise, he might be open to changing the relationship status.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Why am I picking women who cheat on me?
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:26:44 PM
"The next day when I came home there she was with another man. Whats up?"

You don't own her body and you don't control her feelings. I think of it in a different way. If I were in a very close relationship with someone and she was extremely aroused by someone else and wanted to spend time with that person and maybe engage with them for sex, I would probably be ok with that provided it was done openly and honestly.

You don't "own" someone just because you are in a relationship. Maybe we call it "cheating" because we think that maybe we own that person's love or arousal or sex and their letting someone else have some of that feels like it is taking something that belongs to us. But that isn't the case. It doesn't belong to us. If she meets another and feelings or even lust develops for that other person ... those are feelings that developed for that other person. They aren't feelings for us that were misdirected. Personally I feel that it sends a message of real love to allow her to experience that without causing a lot of drama between us. Sadly there aren't a lot of people who can get their head around that concept, though. It makes me wonder how they deal with it in other contexts such has having more than one pet or more than one child or more than one sibling.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Abusive Relationship
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:18:22 PM
And don't assume the BF started it unless you hear the entire thing. I was in an abusive relationship once where she would always threaten to call the cops and hurt herself and tell them I did it because she knew they are "spring loaded" to believe that. So whenever she got abusive, if I tried to leave the situation, she would basically say that if I walked out the door, she would call the cops and tell them I had hit her. Of course, then if I stayed she would tell me I had to leave or she would call the cops and tell them I had abused her ...

She was psycho.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Sensory deprivation
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:11:01 PM
That sounds like something that could be fun
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
gloryhole
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:05:51 PM
That is an activity that would be too risky for me. It basically eliminates any chance to screen whose body I am sticking my Willie into. I wouldn't want a lady friend to engage in a public glory hole either ... now a private one where we know who all the participants are might be a different story. Sounds like an interesting party game ... you each have to guess who the other was
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Looking for threesomes on the net?
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:03:12 PM
"I have no problem with having or wanting to have threesomes, obviously, but it seems kind of trashy to me to request out of the pool of the general public a toy for you and your spouse and I wonder what kind of person would actually respond to it. "

I am not sure I really get your posting. I suppose the kind of person that would respond to that kind of ad would be a woman who really likes sex with another couple. And there are several around if you check out the ads for women seeking couples in other places on the Internet. I was in a relationship once with a woman who wanted to engage with another woman in addition to me sometimes and she really enjoyed it. It really depends on the dynamic and honestly, I am not all that weirded out by the notion of sex involving more than two people. It can be fun.
 
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