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 Author Thread: Why does he not like me?
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Why does he not like me?
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:58:52 AM

The issue is not so much whether you realize you are a lovable and/or likeable person. You should think that way about yourself, IF the attitude is deserved, but that has little to do with your present situation.


Yes. And realize, OP, that thinking of yourself as loveable and likeable won't bring with it a panacea of relationship success. It is preferable, certainly, but not the solution.

Rejection is a perfectly normal part of dating. In my experience, the vast majority of people that you encounter through the dating world will in fact reject the idea of being with you. The trick is not to internalize that as meaning you are faulty. You can't just be yourself when dating, you have to be the very best version of yourself. I doubt that this person is drunk or stoned.

Anyway, good luck...
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 76 (view)
 
Why does he not like me?
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:43:25 AM

What did I do wrong?


1)
i did finally have sex with him. It wasn't great and I felt awkward as I was drunk when it happened


2)
I smoked some marijuana cos I thought it'd calm me down but all it did was make me EVEN more paranoid and I kept acting strange.


3)
Then I had far too much drink... I'm ashamed to say I started crying and saying I'd not felt this way about anyone for a long time


Had to be drunk to sleep with him, drugged yourself up so you could act paranoid and act strange, made clingy declaration of need while drunk... again.

Think you answered your own question.

Darling girl, please look into getting treatment for substance abuse before you pursue romantic relationships with anyone else.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 32 (view)
 
How do I get out of fwb zone?
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:34:09 AM

Not like the hundred of other girls that orbit his solar system trying to get from him everything they can


This one line indicates that guy was a player who used you.

I agree with the others. Move on.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 8 (view)
 
How often to respond?
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:22:15 AM
Why play the "contact rule" game with someone you want to be friends with?

If you must play a game, make it monopoly or poker.

Otherwise just go with the flow and be there when you're there. Friendships don't function all that well under the dating game's rules.

Keep pursuing other options and you'll soon find legitimate reasons to be limited your responses to him - someone else who interests you.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 16 (view)
 
The Ex girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:14:05 AM

He was stupid enough to slip up and tell her that his ex had nicer breasts than she did



Was she in the wrong?


In dating a shallow, superficial loser to whom the most important aspect of her is her breast size - yes absolutely wrong. For a year no less.

Guy doesn't DESERVE to have ANY girlfriends.

OP - was it you? Honestly, date someone less... obnoxious.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Have you had any experience with this???
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:01:33 AM
So is this like

"Nice shoes... wanna f$*&?" :P

I 'll bet this article was written by a woman. As a man, I simply could not care less for shoes :P
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 19 (view)
 
What can I do about my boyfriend's unwillingness to please me?
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:56:27 AM

What can I do about my boyfriend's unwillingness to please me?


Simple - Get a new boyfriend who will?
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 22 (view)
 
A few questions posed to you about long distance relationships
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:50:50 AM
Yes - I think maintaining contact is paramount to the success of LD situations.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 49 (view)
 
single for too long??
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:47:26 AM

Wow that is a long time!
No dates at all in that time?
Are you actively out and about meeting people?


lol - yep - my entire life!

Yes I have had dates and am actively out and about meeting people.

The fact of the matter is that I have not yet found a woman who has been willing to be in a committed, long-term relationship with me ... yet. :)
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 48 (view)
 
single for too long??
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:33:01 AM
Well I've been single for nearly 31 years.

It's not cause I'm picky or waiting for the right one. It just is.

I don't think it's made me bitter... Sad maybe a little that I have not found anyone who wishes to share my life with me...

Oh well - here's hoping she's out there and I'll find her soon.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How does one flirt with a girl? Please help!
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:23:50 AM
There are courses you can take....

Seriously, I've done one! :)

There are many many theories about how to flirt. There are webpages devoted to it as well.

Practice practice practice!

Good luck.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Chemistry, is it real?
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:01:54 AM
The insta-stuff is not chemisty. It's physical attraction, plain and simple. I hear that sometimes it is mutual.

I think you can know quickly if someone is great for long-term but it's more about their personality. Chemistry is something that grows over time and knowing. It can develop out of the insta-attraction stuff but is not, imo, the same thing.

But yes, I absolutely agree with your assessment that the vast majority of dating people make up their mind within the first few minutes and that very, very few are willing to spend the time to look deeper.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Be Good and Stay out of trouble
Posted: 8/28/2008 1:40:47 PM
My favourite saying is "behave yourself".

When most people use it, the context is such that the implicit connotation is to "behave properly".

But "behaviour" itself is neutral. Neither good nor bad - it's just how you act normally. If I normally robbed banks in my spare time, then being told to "behave" would, if I adhered to the instruction, cause me to rob a bank.

So "behave yourself" is actually completely redundant. What else are you going to do - unbehave??

OT: I think the instructions to "be good" and "stay out of trouble" are simply rhetorical playful teasing that the guys are using to demonstrate "assertiveness" in the relationship. It doesn't mean anything at all and that's why you get the reaction you do when you ask :)
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/27/2008 5:56:08 PM
Thanks everyone for the feedback... Lots to think about certainly... :)

Just one point that Dallas picked up on (that my difficulties in relationship forming extends beyond romantic relationships)... I don't know what it is.

I used to have a couple of very close friends that I would spend a lot of my time with, be able to talk to, etc. etc. Now they would change over time, but there was always someone there that I felt I could count on and who I would always be there for.

Then I got sick. And those people that I most trusted to be there for me... weren't. Well, my parents are the ones I most trusted and they were... but none of my friends.

And ever since then, I've had a hard time in forming deep non-romantic personal relationships. Most of the people I call friends - I see them and hear from them at best, only a few times a year. Now they are all busy, they have their own spouses and lives, and I understand that. It's just tough to not have anyone to regularly go out with, spend time with, talk to and share with...

In May I joined a meetup group and that has done wonders for my social life. Seeing people on a regular basis promotes the growth of friendly feelings and closeness. But still, only one of the many, many people that I've met has asked me to do anything outside the social group. Still, it's a start.

I can be shy about approaching people but once I'm in a situation with them I try my best to be a witty, funny, charming guy. I have a lot of stories to share. But I posted something recently as well about "the art of conversation." Most social situations tend to end up with me asking all the questions and never being asked anything in return. It's hard to get a conversation beyond a few lines when it's so one-sided.

I honestly believe that about 90% of the problem is due to my speech. Very very very few people want to put in the effort it sometimes takes to understand me in real life. That's probably what most keeps me from approaching new people at random. I do sometimes try, but don't get very positive results.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Compliment as opening?
Posted: 8/22/2008 11:39:36 AM
Thanks for the input...

Good to know that my restraint in this is well placed :)
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:58:11 AM
Thanks...

I've been dealing with my condition since 2001. Fortunately, it no longer affects my energy levels, I get the treatments that I need, have strength, etc. etc.

Good points about compassion though. I mean, from the moment I got sick I've been questing for someone that I'll be able to trust will support me and be there. When I got sick, all my close friends abandoned me and that left only my parents. Since then, when I've gotten into one of my extending dating periods, that girl has inevitably also become my best friend. So yay - I can see that.

Singing lessons - I'd never thought of that truth be told. Good thought

I'll give it a try... thanks
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Book Recommendation for Women who want a Longterm Commitment
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:45:47 AM

useful book for women to read to help them in attaining their goal for a long term relationship


Is there a book for men with the same goal? :)
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 11 (view)
 
My last boyfriend passed away sends them running...
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:31:06 AM

If you lived in the states (or at least realistically closer), I'd happily go out with you.


Umm... Toronto isn't that far from Buffalo.... I dated a gal in St. Catherines...

*sigh* Cheers anyway...
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Compliment as opening?
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:28:45 AM
OK...

Is it ever appropriate to initiate a conversation with a stranger you're interested in with a compliment? Nothing creepy or sexual and I guess the danger would be in being too sincere - but can it work in terms of starting up a conversation?

So like, I see a pretty girl in the elevator. I'm dying to tell her that I think she's beautiful and ask her name but I don't know if that would be appropriate. Girl's don't seem to react too well to compliments from guys they don't know (in my experience)

Thoughts?
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 77 (view)
 
after a date - is it 'right' for men/ women to be seeing other people?
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:21:46 AM

Honey, trust me, there are at least 3 girls to 1 dude on your average dating site.


Are you serious??? I say again, not this site...

My evidence would be that most girls have success at dating people from this site if they choose while most men do not.

The analagy - 500 guys versus 10o women. All 100 women get a date and still leave 400 guys without one. That is my experience with POF.

If guys were the limited supply factor, then each and every one of us would have had significantly more dates - just by the law of averages.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 8 (view)
 
My last boyfriend passed away sends them running...
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:13:10 AM
You seem like a cute, fun, awesome gal... :)

So my thoughts?

Pretty much every man you have ever dated or spoken with... IS A F$&*ING IDIOT!

Wanna date me?

OH - and I won't ask about your last relationship if you don't ask about mine :P
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 75 (view)
 
after a date - is it 'right' for men/ women to be seeing other people?
Posted: 8/22/2008 9:42:49 AM

when he is active on a singles site.

Face it - there are so many women and so few men,


What the hell single site are you talking about where that ratio is even remotely close to accurate? Not this one certainly!
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 6 (view)
 
friends with benefits or potential for more?
Posted: 8/22/2008 9:30:49 AM

Am I simply setting myself up to be hurt?


YES!

Walk completely away NOW.

Wanting to be in a relationship with someone who does not want to commit to you, and doing all the stuff one would associate with a relationship, will not magically become the relationship you want. It will continue it a rollercoaster fashion until she meets someone that she wants more then you'll be dumped and heartbroken. Better to end things on YOUR terms.

You've already lost her, mate, just neither of you realize it.

Good luck
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Taking a second look at someone you dated before.
Posted: 8/22/2008 9:19:04 AM
I've asked before - but was refused.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Bisexuality in men is more common than in women
Posted: 8/22/2008 9:17:32 AM

Your post is full of an awful lot of assertions, most of which I would imagine to be untrue.


My thoughts exactly.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/22/2008 9:11:45 AM

Would you fvck the ugliest woman you have ever seen...she is so ugly inside and out???

Ya got options!


Beauty is subjective. Someone expressing interest in me greatly ups my attraction to them.

At this point in my life, I feel so starved of physical intimacy that yes, I would contemplate being with anyone who wanted to be with me. I also will date anyone who wants to date me.

However, that still does not mean there is anyone who wants to be with me. As I said, women don't pursue me and I don't get enough indication to even bother asking.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 11 (view)
 
beautiful people, ugly genitals...
Posted: 8/22/2008 8:48:56 AM
I'm just happy to get to a stage where I get to see the "butterfly" :) They are all beautiful in my regard.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Best way to 'break up', even though it wasnt exclusive
Posted: 8/22/2008 8:29:03 AM

Do I tell her I'm sorry I met someone else? (A) Or do I tell her I've just been thinking and we shouldnt be physical anymore, but we can be friends? (B)


The former would be more acceptable than the latter imo.

I had a FWB situation end for the first time because of A, then the next time I saw her it was B.

A) Ok - it was fun while it lasted but good luck with your new fling :)

B) You don't find me sexually attractive AT ALL, probably never did, so WTF were you sleeping with me for?

B) effectively ended the friendship.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/22/2008 8:13:11 AM

The OP may subconsciously choose poorly from his options, not even being aware of what undermines his success - his own course of action.


I am aware that my own actions and behaviour patterns could be contributing to my lack of success. I am aware that my speech (with the treatments I get it is best decribed as higher pitch, low force, a bit airy sometimes, and slow) is probably a significant factor in my difficulties, but far from the only one. It wasn't like I was any more successful at this before I got sick in 2001.

The point of this thread is to determine ways the change my actions/behaviour patterns to get out of the powerless funk I seem to be in. I'm not sure what part of "being myself" is causing me to go wrong time after time. Yes - I do feel somewhat desparate... certainly lonely... and yes, I KNOW these are unattractive traits. But I try to ignore them when I'm in situations where I'm dealing with women. I tell myself, ALL THE TIME, that I am a great guy with tons to offer. I believe it. I accept my faults. If that's not self-esteem, I don't know what is. But this belief does not get me relationships, dates, or sex.

So I'm still looking for the key that will open those doors for me.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Blessed or Cursed?
Posted: 8/22/2008 7:56:17 AM
Cursed to all damnation because I am unable to find a partner who is willing to allow me to freely express, participate, and have access to my own sexual life.

It is a HUGE detriment to the other areas of my life cause I spend so much time and money in pursuit of opportunities to gain even hints of intimacy. If I could focus on any other area of my life with the determination that my unfulfilled sex drive has, I could do so much more (like my unfinished masters dissertation)
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Sex = Overrated
Posted: 8/22/2008 7:50:35 AM

I done it with someone who I wasn't even attracted to, who was 17 years older than myself (which I have no problem with or regret). Anyway, I think it was a gain of issues, most namely condoms, but it was nothing like I thought it was. It didn't even feel good or anything; truthfully, I just wanted it to be over with. I have yet to have sex with someone I'm just that much attracted to, so who knows, maybe it'll be great


Will be better with someone you're attracted to - yes definitely

I lost my virginity at 25 on a one night basis. My thoughts after that was - WTF was all the fuss about.
My next sexual partner was a LD relationship 3 months later. I liked her as a person but just wasn't attracted to her. We had sex a few times that weekend but by the end, I couldn't even get it up.
Two years until I found someone willing to be intimate with me again. Her I was physically attracted to and emotionally attached to. The sex was AMAZING for me. It is really MUCH MUCH better when you're with someone you care about and are attracted to.

Hope you find that as well Jack :)
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Sex = Overrated
Posted: 8/22/2008 7:43:24 AM

i dated women that i could satisfy in every other way,but if we didnt have sex everyday nothing else you did together was appreciated.


Where the god-damn F^&*ing hell are these women??????????????????
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Dating is all about income
Posted: 8/21/2008 4:17:18 PM
lol...

Premise is not true.

If it were, decent incomes = more dateability.

Not so.

OOPS - I already responding to this thread :p
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 5 (view)
 
More experiences
Posted: 8/21/2008 4:03:22 PM
Well...

I dated a girl for about a year from summer 05 to summer 06. We became intimate after about 8 weeks of weekends spent together. She never wanted to commit to me so no relationship there. It became a rollercoaster after 3 months.

Anyway, while she never revealed specifically details of her past... sometimes things would creep out. Like how she had been to a sex party with her ex ("but nothing happened" according to her). The fact that she slept with a lot of guys when she was in high school. She was the third person I had ever been intimate with.

*shrug* sometimes it made me uncomfortable to think about the details of her past. But she was with me then and there, so that was more important than anything else. I can't say it would have been better if she'd told me everything so I respect her silence.

But ya, even when you're with them, I can relate to it being tough for a guy to "forget" or "ignore" the past experiences of a gal he's with.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/21/2008 3:54:18 PM

First of all, if a woman chooses not to give you the time of day that is their loss not yours. You do not start to think "oh woes me.........". You should be thinking "she wasn't for me, but I will meet someone who will value who I am/what I can bring into a relationship." You are giving yourself very minimal value/respect thinking this way.

Dude snap out of it - a woman that does not give you any play is NOT the end of the world!!!


But this, from my perception, describes every single woman I have ever encountered! So when they all* (*except 3 total in my life) say, NO, you come to feel you don't have power.

Individual rejections = I can understand and endure.
Near total rejection = Makes me feel powerless. :P

Outmind - ya I readily admit ignorance as to the patterns to be used... How does one learn them?
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Sex = Overrated
Posted: 8/21/2008 3:47:06 PM

every person i was with seemed to think that i would do kind things so I could get sex but i didn't, i did it because i am a good person, not because i expected something from it, i never even brought it up in any relationship i ever had. it was offered and usually declined by me.


I do kind things because I am a good person and don't expect anything from it... Gals don't offer to have sex with me cause of it!

Wanna switch lives? :P
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Sex = Overrated
Posted: 8/21/2008 1:38:05 PM

for most people out there, sex is either a deal breaker or a deal maker. for me its neither, i am with the person for who they are, not how they are in bed. and I'm sure I'm just about the only one who feels this way. I just don't see it as that big of a deal.


Believe me... I envy you.

I don't get to have sex very often so I would love nothing more than to be ambivalent about it. It's easier than wanting something and not getting it.

And I'm sure you're not alone. There are many people that just don't care for sex (mostly seem to be women but I'm sure there are other men).

*shrug*

Sex drive is individually. If you're at peace with yours and it is non-existant
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/21/2008 1:31:55 PM
You say you don't FEEL like you have options, power or choice in romance/intimate relationships..........you are being your worst enemy having this mindset. Ask yourself why you feel this way?

You may need to take a personal inventory of yourself. If you don't believe in yourself and what you are capable of doing/acquiring - then how do you expect anyone else to see you in a positive light?


See Sabro - the things is... I DO believe in myself. I feel that I will be an excellent partner (even had girls commend me on this before they dumped me). I have a ton to offer.

The reason I don't feel I have choices is because very very few of the women that I have encountered in my life have wanted even a taste of what I can offer. So until and unless THEY choose me, I am powerless. And this relates to dating, relationships, and sex.

I think once you're in a relationship, there is a more equal balance in "say". Both partners have to be equally committed to keep it working. In the initial stages, both parties must say "yes" at some point, and I guess my frustration arises from almost always hearing "no" from everyone I pursue (and even most of those that express initial interest, after meeting me)
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/21/2008 12:50:56 PM
Thanks Outmind... I'll try that more.

Whathesaid - I wasn't trying to say that I've never ever had any options. What I'm trying to say is that, on the whole, at any given moment, I can't CHOOSE to date and be dating someone. I can't CHOOSE to be in a relationship and have one. I can't CHOOSE to have sex, even if I lower my standards to just having someone be interested in having sex with me. Cause the willing partner on the other side of those equations does not exist at all times.

I do like the way that Outmind put it earlier. Men have the pursuing choice and women have the veto choice. I can believe that I have the choice, the freedom to pursue. Now I just have to figure out how to do that in a way that doesn't end with veto so often.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/21/2008 11:43:26 AM
Perhaps (not bashing you) you are picking women you know will not respond to you.

Self fulfilling proficiey to have no options when you repeat the same mistakes or set yourself up for the same disappointment.

If you are waiting for a woman to pursue you, you call that No Options. You pursue and get tired of them, you call that No Options.

Methinks you are whining a bit, which is normal when you are lonely and think there is no one out there for you. There is.


I'm not whining. I am trying to figure out what I have to change about my attitudes/behaviours/look whatever else in order to have more (any) success.

Are you advocating that a guy should continue to pursue women that express no interest in him just so he can feel he is choosing her?

More: When I express interest in anybody - either here or in the real world - it's not because I am secretly expecting and hoping that will reject me. That's masochistic. No I go into EVERY situation thinking - ok here's a neat person that I think I have something in common with that I'd like to get to know better. I always have HOPE the outcome will be better (ie they'll be interested in me and want to become part of my life) - but it very rarely is.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 41 (view)
 
To be or not to be...
Posted: 8/21/2008 11:33:43 AM
He told me to my face that it ain't official until we had sex.


A relationship becoming official after you've had sex

AND

Sex being a determine factor in making a relationship official

are two entirely different concepts. It would be perfectly valid (and indeed echoed I believe by forumbuddy) that sex is a condition required for making an official relationship.

It's like A does not lead to B, but A is a necessary condition of B* (for many people)

IMO - a poor reason to dump the guy on it's own OP.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 98 (view)
 
Do strippers make better lovers
Posted: 8/21/2008 10:47:47 AM
I lost my virginity to a stripper. She was the first woman in my life to offer. I was 25.

It was an AWFUL AWFUL experience.

Teeth during the oral.
Telling me to go "faster, faster, faster" (this was my first time)
Leaving when I lost my erection cause of all the pressure and WTF -" is this all sex is feelings" at the time. Also - hotel room beds do not make for comfortable doggy style when one is tall.

So imo - do strippers make better lovers - not so much.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/21/2008 10:41:01 AM

Here's the thing. A lot of what decides who and when to have sex is based on non-verbal communication. It is like a dance. And yes, it is a game, a game of reciprocity never-the-less. You can negate the existence of the game and say, "I don't play games," thus you won get laid, at least with the person you really wanted (this applies to men as well as women). Understand the game, and you will sleep with the person of your dreams. (Well, stop thinking super model, okay


Yes. I do realize there are paradigms of behaviour that influence these things. I guess my problem is that I don't know them. I don't know what I need to do to keep a woman interested beyond a few dates. I don't know what I'd have to do in order to go to a bar, say, and not go home alone. I mean, I've read stuff - D'Angelo's stuff, Strauss' stuff - and I mean, I recently had a more successful dating experience with someone by beating her relentlessly at chess, and teasing her. She called me a "jerk" with a laugh - best thing I'd ever experienced in my dating life and she let me kiss her. But she wouldn't sleep with me and is now working 7 days a week and doesn't respond to my e-mails.

That was back in June - since then I've had one date. I'd love to date more - to try different versions of stuff - see if I can learn those patterns better. But once more, I don't seem to have that option.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/21/2008 10:32:13 AM

Well what type of women are you attracted to? And if you get no response perhaps its good to give YOURSELF options. Instead of judging based on looks, go for someone with similar interests that you find attractive, even if you don't find them beautiful.


Well, I already do base my writing to girls on more than just their photos. I've learnt that photos are often deceiving and inner beauty can shine through the exterior to make anyone beautiful. I've only ever turned down two women in my life - one back in high school who's friend asked me to dance with her while I was crushing on another gal, and a second a few years back whom I went on a few dates with but just wasn't feeling anything for. In every other dating situation I've had, either the girl has eventually expressed disinterest in me or else has expected me to do all the work which I was disinclined to continue. I can't say I've ever been eagerly pursued by a woman.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:42:30 AM
Do you have power and choice over the other areas of your life? Such as work, friends and family? If you do, you have some strength.

What is it that you do now, let a woman approach you... not date, or search for someone who fits the bill for you


Power over work - yes absolutely.
Power over myself and my habits - yes absolutely.

Power over friendships - not so much. I don't like to feel like I'm forcing people into doing stuff with me so I will occassionaly ask if they want to do something but it's always my initiative.

What I do now? Well, the vast majority of my attempts to get a girl I was attracted to to be interested in me have not been successful. I do write to gals on here from time to time and rarely get any response at all. So I date, only when I can find someone who is willing to let me. Not so much my choice. The women that I would seek out for myself - don't even give me the time of day.

About self-confidence (the next poster), I absolutely believe in myself. I think I am a great guy with tons of interests to share and a fun, compassionate, open personality that I am very proud of. I know that I have a great deal to be able to offer. I have a speech disorder caused by a genetic condition but it has not stopped me from pursuing the goals I can achieve on my own. It is the ones that require female cooperation that elude me. I'd like to think that I am respected by many. It's the found attractive enough to want to be with by very few that bothers me.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Commitment phobic or lifestye choice?
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:26:35 AM

as if being single is the worst thing on earth.


imho... it is...

Please send all those people trying to set you up over my way, would ya?
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Getting options?
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:15:03 AM
OK - I was reading a thread about who has the power in relationship forming - men or women. (It was old - I did a thread search instead of posting my own )

The general consensus seem to be that women had the power and then I came across this post:


Only a guy without options would think like that. I have some asexual friends that would agree with you, and others that would laugh in your face and live a lifestyle that proves you wrong. A person, male or female, with options, has the upper hand over whoever doesn't have options.


I am like the asexual friend. I don't feel like I have any options, power or choice when it comes to dating, relationships, or sex. It frustrates the hell out of me to be this way.

And I recognize that this may be a false experience. So many of you write in a way that inherently indicates that you feel that relationships are a choice, that sex is a choice. That if one wants it badly enough, one could find a way to fulfill these needs, and that a decision not to "settle" is holding you back. This is not my experience.

So my question is - how can I move from a paradigm where I feel that I have no options to the one where I can feel I truthfully have choice?
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 91 (view)
 
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/21/2008 8:44:30 AM

are you serious?? WOW, that is just nuts and weird. actually surprised you would date someone for that long without any type of sex. i know i wouldn't and couldn't last that long.


Being with someone who's company that I enjoyed and had hope that she would eventually open up on that level is vastly superior to the vast stretchs of guaranteed celibacy caused by singleness that both proceeded and followed that experience.

I don't feel like I have much power or choice or control when it comes to being able to experience shared sexuality.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 90 (view)
 
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/21/2008 8:39:44 AM

Sex is honestly pretty easy to come by.


Incorrect.


Finding someone you really click with and see as a kindred spirit is not


Correct.

Truth of the matter, finding someone to be sexual with is terribly challenging for some people. If you add the requirement of the mutual click it becomes nearly impossible.
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Does the type of job/education reflect respect
Posted: 8/21/2008 8:27:59 AM
Well... in theory my job should make me more appealing.

I work for the government so instant stability and job benefits.

Back when I joined this site in 2004 I got a comment saying that I wouldn't be here long cause of it.

*checks date*

So I'd say it doesn't have much impact at all, really.
 
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