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 Author Thread: Message Restrictions
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 570 (view)
 
Message Restrictions
Posted: 6/6/2013 8:02:34 AM

We've written to each other, but now are prevented further communication.


This is why you guys need to start exchanging numbers instead of having a six month correspondence online. Not that I support these bullshit changes (I don't) but I've learned the hard way (ppl closing their account, etc.) that it's always good to find a second way of contacting someone you like, just in case something online ruins it.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 5/24/2013 7:25:37 AM

Uptight? NO, perhaps it is the timing or presentation. We seem to have a little more finsse and ask it in turn.

I am not receptive to intimacy on the 3rd email or the first IM converstion.

Again, no not uptight.

I also agree with it coming up too soon this may be all he is after and looking for.


It's funny how women can ask you things like "Do you live alone, do you have any kids, what do you do for work, etc." in the 3rd email, but men can't ask anything sexual. (Obviously I'm not saying you SHOULD be getting sexual in the 3rd email, but to be fair, I'm making a point.)

Women ask those 'security' questions because they want to make sure a guy "has his stuff together." They wanna make sure he'd be a suitable mate by having a good job, and being stable. OK, so what's wrong with a guy wanting to make sure you'd be suitable for him, sexually? Asking a man about his financial situation can be just as personal as a sex question is to a woman. Be fair here, ladies.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 448 (view)
 
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/24/2013 7:15:52 AM
Let me start by saying that I logged in for the first time in a year and a half, JUST to respond to this. (Yes, I heard about it on another site.) And now that I've seen it, I'm glad I stopped using POF a while ago.

Even though this doesn't apply to me (I'm 33, so I can talk to girls who are 19, or women up to 47) I've never been a fan of site heads implementing a rule (or rules) that so many of its members have a problem with. In just reading a few pages of this thread, it seems that the majority of those posting, oppose this change, while a few others here & there, defend it.

I've also noticed some VERY good questions/points raised by a few different members (in this thread) that Markus has not answered or even addressed, yet he's replied to other posts. (Again I'm only on page 6 or 7, so I have no idea if he's replied since then.) I'd quote them myself, but that would take too long.

Back on subject though, I do agree that everything is more skewed toward the women. First, the removal of the subject line last year (makes it harder for a message to even get OPENED if you're a guy) and now all these other changes. As if women don't have it easy enough ALREADY, these 'dating' sites just make it easier and easier, and that much harder for men. Which boggles my mind since most of these females on here are LOOKING for men.

Even though women complain about the messages they get, I don't think it's all about age. What is the NUMBER ONE COMPLAINT we always hear from women? "Guys always message me for sex." That tells me that guys of ALL ages are on some "hookup" type shit (way more than 2% I might add). So I don't have a problem with the "Any first contact between users that contains sexual references will not be sent" thing. It'll give women one less thing to complain about, and force them to either shut up, or actually get to know the men that message them. But that will no longer be an issue. Works for me.

Overall, I don't support the change. But at the same time, it doesn't affect me. So, I really have nothing else to add. I do see a LOT of good points in this thread though. From BOTH sides.
 purelogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Do women think about sex as much as men?
Posted: 9/10/2009 11:29:27 AM

Oye.. please!

One sure way to make many women's eyes roll into the backs of their skulls is to use that comment on them.


I mean, it's cool to disagree. But when you have nothing else to support your post, it looks as if you're just disagreeing, to disagree.
 purelogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 9/9/2009 3:06:19 PM
There are WAY too many confused people out there.

I started talking to a girl online (who contacted ME) who said she found me so interesting because I give advice, and my personality, my views, etc. I said to myself, "Hmmm. She's young, but she sounds mature."

But as soon as she found out I lived on the same street as her ex boyfriend, things changed in a hurry. Then, she was saying she "wasn't sure what she wanted", etc.

Please. Don't waste my time.
 purelogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 93 (view)
 
Do women think about sex as much as men?
Posted: 9/9/2009 2:58:11 PM
Truthfully speaking, it really doesn't matter. Because, in the end, women will never be as OPEN about sex as we/men are. Not in every ASPECT anyway.

Now sure. If a woman is dating a guy, she wants to have sex with him quite a bit. But that is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than how WE/MEN are.

We think about it, ask about it, talk about it, have it, want it, and need it WAAAAY more than women.

The fact that women keep QUIET about the sex that they think about so much, tells me all I need to know.

Because, in the end, thoughts don't = physical satisfaction.
 purelogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 105 (view)
 
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/9/2009 2:41:08 PM
There's no "one thing" that dooms ALL relationships. A lot of things contribute to a relationship's downfall, depending on the people involved.

Lack of Communication
Lack of Honesty
Lack of Respect
Not caring enough about your partner's feelings
Selfishness
Not getting to KNOW the person well enough before getting serious with them
etc.

All of those things contribute to the failure of a lot of people's relationships.
 purelogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
contacting the ex.
Posted: 9/9/2009 2:32:20 PM
Your heart was racing? lol, Wow. You've got it BAD.

But yeah. If you can both keep it at a friendship level, with neither of you wanting more, then it's fine. If you CAN'T, however, then it won't work.
 purelogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 484 (view)
 
What is wrong with men?
Posted: 2/27/2009 6:05:54 AM
I'm not sure if we're still on topic here, but an easy solution would be to put an age limit on the men who message you. For example, go to your mail settings and select the ages you want/don't want. It should solve your problem.

However, if you just wanted an answer to your question, without a solution to the problem, it's because men over 40, just like any OTHER man, will write someone he's attracted to. It's that simple.
 purelogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 173 (view)
 
Not even spit, so forget about swallow....
Posted: 1/21/2009 10:10:32 PM
Ehh. I know girls who spit, I know girls who swallow, and I know girls who don't even go down.

Me, personally, I can't say because I can't cum from head. Meaning, I don't KNOW what she would do if I did, because we always stop before I DO (otherwise she'd be down there 3 hours lol)

I've "helped myself along" and done it on her FACE before, though. AND in mouth. I think your girl just doesn't want to do it.
 purelogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Tight pants Low Cut Tops is it sexy or Skanky ?
Posted: 1/21/2009 10:23:39 AM
Obviously women wear these things to catch the eye of certain men. But it still can be sexy nonetheless. It just depends on the women wearing it. If she has the shape for it, it can bery VERY sexy. Regardless of her reasons.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 172 (view)
 
Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:34:39 PM

I guess for me it comes down to this...every LTR I have ever had...came from sex on that first date.....I guess if I am not interested enough to go all the way the first time...I am never gonna be that interested in you..... I was married to Tom for 26 years...and then with Sam for 3........
I NEED A MAN WHO INTELLECTUALLY STIMULATES ME AND PHYSICALLY EXCITES ME.
and I don't see going into six months of dating to only see things don't work in the bedroom....cause that is a big part of a relationship to me.....
and its all good....If I never catch my man..LOL......I am happy......I love POF........it has provided me with many a one night stands....some true friendships......and yes even my last LTR.


I think I'm in lust. lol
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Controlling partner - need advice
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:15:22 PM

This wasn't walking me home from dates. This was taking his car and following me home 10-20 miles, on every date. I always took my own car to meet him at whatever restaurant. Not sure why he felt I couldn't then drive my own car home. I also don't live on the way to his house. It's a creepy feeling to have someone following in their car behind you for mile after mile. It was like - do you think a terrorist is going to shoot me through the class on my vehicle on the highway home? Also to the grocery store, and then following me home (another 15 miles and a totally different direction than his house).


Like I said, sweetie. If you don't put a stop to this now, it will only get worse for you. Mark my words.

People often say "He wasn't like this in the beginning" or "I had no warning." Well, this is your warning. Don't ignore it.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 127 (view)
 
A potential partner with Alcohol issues.. is it worth the pain
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:10:30 PM
If she's not over her last relationship, then all the alcohol is doing is temporarily making her feel better. She has yet to address the real issue and try to actually GET OVER what is hurting her. She's just using alcohol as an ESCAPE rather than trying to fix what's wrong.

Does she trust YOU? You mentioned that her trust level is at an all-time low, so I'm wondering, are you two "talking" (in that way) or what?
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Controlling partner - need advice
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:03:59 PM
Dude does sound a little over the top. So I understand your concerns.

However, you also seem to be too timid to tell him it's making you uncomfortable. And if you're already timid in this type of situation, it will only get worse as time goes on.

You asked for our advice, so TAKE OUR INPUT! He may get mad about it, but it's MUCH better than not saying ANYTHING now and letting it PROGRESS into something more SERIOUS to where he's ALWAYS mad at you.

Think about it.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 179 (view)
 
How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:33:54 PM

That's not a real difference, it's an abstract reason.... To some people it wouldn't matter. Some people would'nt consider it cheating...

Physically the sex act still took place... So, again, what's the REAL DIFFERENCE?????


You're telling me that a girl who has a boyfriend, yet has sex with other men behind his back is NOT CHEATING in certain people's eyes?
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
what's better
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:10:15 PM

I value the truth, but not at someone else's expense.

The only time I'll tell a painful truth is for the greater good of someone I care about


So then, hypothetically, if you cheated on someone, and you knew the truth would hurt them, would you lie about it or be honest?
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 174 (view)
 
How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:00:29 PM

From a certain point of view, why should it matter if they're f*cking someone else while they're f*cking you then?
No matter how you look at it, whether they have sex with someone before, after or while they're with you, they've still had sex with that person. So what's the real difference??????


Because in one situation she's cheating on you, and in the other she isn't.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
generalizing the sexes
Posted: 12/27/2007 1:56:49 PM
I don't necessarily agree with the author of this post.

If a woman is constantly ending up with guys who beat on her, yeah she may be partially to blame for the kind of guys she tends to GO after (certain personality traits or characteristics that she may be ATTRACTED to) but it's not as if she ASKS to get BEAT on. You're acting as if the beatER, should be BLAMELESS.

Even if the one common denominator is HER, it STILL doesnt make the GUYS she dates any LESS GUILTY of HITTING her lol.

So after so many people display the same characteristics, one CAN argue that "all" or "most" ppl are like that. Because if they WEREN'T cheaters, or abusive, or liars to BEGIN with, ONE PERSON can't "turn them INTO" that type of individual.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 169 (view)
 
How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/27/2007 10:30:16 AM
Ehh, I'm not really bothered by a woman who's had multiple sex partners. As long as she's clean, what do I care what she's done BEFORE me? Now, if she's f*cked 5 guys WHILE she was WITH me, and I didnt KNOW about it, we have a PROBLEM lol. But if we enter into a relationship and she tells me she's been with 70 men or more, I wouldn't care. Hell, I might even ask to hear a few STORIES lol.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Whay do Men complain about Women cheating on them??
Posted: 12/26/2007 3:14:26 PM

Do women want sex? Absolutely. They want it and in many to most to nearly all cases, they want it just as bad as men, if not more.

The catch is they only want to give up the All Meat Deluxe Poon Sandwich with a side of Hit That Good Until Your Knees Wobble when the guy in question is good looking enough, has enough cash, is tall enough and has no baggage to strip attention away from many to most to nearly all women. And the men that don't fit that category? They are only useful for helping move a couch, being a shoulder to cry on and someone to string along for attention.


*waits to see if any woman will dispute this*
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 3:03:33 PM

there is no magic number of dates "when is it safe to sleep with a guy you are interested in." sex, like all other things, is specific to the individual. some guys play the double standard and think that they can f*ck on the first date, then judge the girl they f*cked...other guys aren't phased by it at all. personal morality, perception, and chemistry all play their part. i say if you want to have sex with someone, go for it, don't second guess yourself. if he has issues with your choices, then those are HIS issues, and likely you're not the best match anyways.


I couldn't agree more.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/25/2007 6:35:54 PM

guys usually like the chase make him work for it girl!


Nah. That's game playing, which I don't like. Speaking only for myself, I'm not into games. Chasing and teasing, etc. We're both adults. Therefore, if we both want it, it should happen. If not, it shouldn't.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/25/2007 6:18:23 PM
Stick with oral. That way he gets half, but doesn't get it all. Everybody's happy lol. J/K.

Truthfully, you have to be prepared for the guy not to call the next if it's a first date. NOT because sex on the 1st date is WRONG, but because you haven't talked to him enough to know what kind of PERSON he is.

Some guys will still call you the next day because they're mature enough to understand that you both acted as consenting adults who gave into your sexual desires. Other men are under the impression that you "do that with everybody" and won't take you seriously.

My advice, get to know who you're dating. That way you may have a better idea as to how he'll react if such a thing should occur. Then on the other hand, sometimes you NEVER know. It's all a GAMBLE. So I'd say, if it's first date sex, go into it not expecting ANYTHING. Then if he CALLS, it's a BONUS and you can go from there. He's either INTERESTED, or he wants more sex lol.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Gender Roles...
Posted: 12/25/2007 6:11:00 PM
You should discuss these things BEFORE hand. Find out if it's a DATE, or are you two just "hanging out" and getting to KNOW one another. If it's that big of a hassle, either go dutch, or avoid going out someplace where one of you must pay.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Guy wanted to shower with me
Posted: 12/25/2007 6:04:58 PM
Ok, if this is just a one night thing, and I'm ONLY looking to bust a nut, I'm not sticking around to take a shower with her. I can do that when I get home. So, either dude likes you, thinks you're VERY attractive, or you were REALLY good the night before and he wants Round 2.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Whay do Men complain about Women cheating on them??
Posted: 12/25/2007 5:59:31 PM
A woman having sex with a man right away doesn't automatically make her a CHEATER. You're making it sound as if any chick who "gives it up" right away is more likely to cheat on her man than one who WAITS. But thats not always accurate. Just because a woman has sex right away while SINGLE, doesn't mean she'll do it while she's IN A RELATIONSHIP. Two totally different situations.

If I meet a girl while I'm single, get horny, and take her to bed, does that mean I'd do the same thing while I'm in a committed and/or LOVING RELATIONSHIP? No. That's TERRIBLE logic.

Now, as for the rest, I can't tell you why men who want sex continue to contact you after reading your profile. But I CAN say that just because a man WANTS sex doesn't mean he's not interested in a LTR. That's a crazy assumption.

Case in point:

I meet a girl, we click, she's cool, we like each other (first day) we have sex (or I WANT to, let's say) Does that mean I'll stop talking to her if we do? No. Perhaps I'm just horny so my mind is on SEX right now. Doesn't mean I no longer dig her as a PERSON. Just means I'd like to be physical with her too.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Are women too Uptight . . ???
Posted: 12/25/2007 4:48:53 PM

if the very first message i get from a guy is an intimate question or comment... i think its all they want or have to offer. but if its someone i've known for a bit and we are friends... if i'm comfortable.. then let the conversation roll! i have no problem talkin about my intimate life with someone i feel i can trust with those details. or even talk about intimate situations.. once again.. gotta feel comfortable enough.


No offense, but you seem uptight just by this POST lol.

Look how often you mentioned "being comfortable, if I trust him, if I've known him for a while", etc. Well, thats MOST women. I think he's asking why all that needs to take place before a sexual question can be asked, or an intimate topic be DISCUSSED. Why can't women loosen up a bit more, and discuss the topic like adults just as they would any OTHER topic?
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 75 (view)
 
stay if sex is bad?
Posted: 12/25/2007 4:32:51 PM

My last relationship (marriage) was this way and lasted 10 years. I tried and tried. The man claimed he had no sexual fantasies, or none he wanted to share, he never reciprocated oral, and his idea of sex was laying me on my stomach, doing the deed, getting off and going to do something or just going to sleep.
I tried asking him to watch porn, talk about things he liked sexually, anything! And it was a no go. Heaven forbid you catch him mastubating. *gasp* It was just something you didn't talk about.


Just wondering, if things were so bad...why'd you MARRY him?
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Sex
Posted: 12/25/2007 4:12:04 PM

Eventually, you'll run out of 'Stories' to tell him . .
I just hope he doesn't lose interest in you when you have to go to 'Re-runs'


lol, very good point.

I think it's different, but nothing weird. I get like that sometimes, where I wanna hear about stories that don't involve me. It's just a way of spicing it up or being different.

If I'm just getting to know you, of COURSE I wanna hear about your desire to f*ck me. But if we've been dating for a WHILE, and I KNOW I'm able to, it gets BORING after a while. There's only so many times you can tell me how bad you wanna do me before it stops being a turn on. So, I wanna hear about OTHER things. And to hear a woman get SO turned ON--NATURALLY (not "trying" to be) while talking about a past experience can turn ME on as WELL.
 
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