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 Author Thread: Be attractive or get out the way
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
Be attractive or get out the way
Posted: 9/24/2008 12:10:45 AM
You have discovered the beauty of the work friend, its amazing and a wonderful thing. In my experience I have become friends with many wonderful men I have worked with, some old, some young, all have graced my life with beauty. I have had great friendships that I will treasure for the rest of my life. I probably would not have ever thought about talking to half these men on any kind of level had I met them at a grocery store, book store, bar, waiting to cross the road. My father once told me that you tend to see a person at their best when they are at work. While I don't agree that is the only way to see someone at their best it has its merits. You are not threatened by people you work with, after all I follow the Tony Soprano rule of "don't $hit where you eat" . So I never look at the men I work with as potential dating partners. It takes all the pressure off, you really do just become friends. Therefore I think most men and women make great friendships with colleagues because they see them often, more often than they do anybody else. Now you just need to get some of these great guys you work with to introduce you to some nice single male friend of theirs.
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 57 (view)
Am i being taken for a ride?
Posted: 8/18/2008 2:51:57 AM
Have you heard of the book "He's Just Not That Into You?" written by a man. They are currently making a movie about it with the same title (check out the trailer, it looks awesome...

Once you've seen the trailer you'll understand why I am of the opinion that perhaps he's just not that into you! We women can be so blind at times. I have been at that place where you are right now. When pushed for an answer my man that was obviously "just not that into me" said he wanted to date other women. The below statement is what a guy friend wrote to me, it helped me and may help you along with all the other great postings I've read.

"I think that as long as you weren't asking for a commitment, he was content to live day by day. On the other hand, I don't honestly think he wanted other women - I think he's just afraid to be tied down.

For whatever reason, M.M. was willing to just take things day by day. For all you know, he could have done that for the next decade, if you had been content to do that. On the other hand, perhaps the moment you really needed him, he would have been gone. Maybe it's good you found this out about him now, instead of later when it really, really, really mattered - like when you were six months pregnant."
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 45 (view)
Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:42:33 PM
I have personal experience that may just answer some of your questions. I said yes to a guy that asked me out for coffee. So we meet at a coffee shop downtown. We had only seen photos of each other and he seemed normal enough in the photo. We talked on the phone to make sure we were still on, his voice sounded normal on the phone. I'm standing in the coffee shop with my back to the door and I hear a voice behind me say "Hi there". I turn around and don't see anyone. Then I look down. Oh he was there, he was just the size of a hobbit. Now don't get me wrong size doesn't matter to me (I'm talking height here boys), but if your the size of a hobbit you may want to warn the girl. I know girls that believe size is an issue and the guy must be taller than them so if your hobbit size, pre-warn the girl before you meet her in the flesh. Rejection online or over the phone is much easier to cope with than rejection in the flesh. His size wouldn't have turned me off meeting him, it just would have been better to know in advance that he was height challenged!

Anyway hobbit boy and I walk over and order our coffees totaling $5. The idiot does not make a move for his wallet at all. I stand there, he stands there - I think to myself your freaking kidding me. You asked me to coffee and you wont fork over a lousy $5. You just blew it big time buddy. I really want to take my coffee to go and walk away however, I'm basically a nice person. So I pull my wallet out of my handbag. Still no move on his part. He watched me pull $5 out of my wallet. I think there is no way in hell I'm paying for your coffee hobbit boy. So I turn to him and say "so I take it we are going halves in this". He says "OK" and pulls out a $20 note. I think this would be the time to redeem yourself buddy. Tell me you will pay. But no; I do not want to even attempt to make change with this guy so I turned to the coffee making dude and say "can we just pay for our own". We do and go and sit at a table. I did not want to share any part of myself with this man, so I make small talk and when I say small I mean really small - you could in fact call it miniscule talk. Hobbit boy had absolutely no social skills what so ever. I would have felt sorry for him if he'd have paid for my coffee, instead he just annoyed the hell out of me. So I made conversation about luggage, airport security, luggage again. Oh my gosh I looked at the clock and it was only 45 minutes later. I thought this has been the longest 45 minutes of my life. I have to stay at least an hour its the polite thing to do. I actually want to gouge out my eyes with the spoon sitting in my empty cup but I somehow manage to talk even more about luggage for 15 excruciating more minutes. As soon as the hour was up I told him I had to go. He asked if I wanted to do this again. He thought it was an awesome date. Lots of talking and me asking questions all about him. That is because I didn’t want to share anything about me. So I wanted to say no, I think doing my laundry by hand would be time better spent than wasting another second on you! Instead I say "I'll call you if I ever want to have coffee with you again". Really I shouldn't be so mean, after all he was probably saving his hard earned money for the quest to throw the ring of Sauron in the cracks of Doom!

In retrospect I am glad I paid for my own coffee, I don't feel bad that I will never see this guy again. He didn't spend a penny on me. So yes there are indeed times that when women pay, it is a payoff or goodbye I have no intention of seeing you again!
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
Ladies. What's more important? Profile Picture or Written Contents of Profile?
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:29:40 PM
I hate to admit this, but a picture is worth a thousand words. At first all I see is a small photo in amongst a lot of other small photos. I wade through those photos until I find one I like the look of. There is no profile information up until I have chosen to click on said photo. So at first it is a photo however, how often have you clicked on a photo that looked great one inch by one inch and then when you opened it realize this isn't what I thought this person would look like? I still read the profile regardless. So that is where I can then be captured by a mans wit and intelligence. If I am going to write to a guy its because what they wrote in their profile made me laugh or there is something I can comment on and make interesting conversation out of. I have never written to a man to say "damn your hot".

I do know basically what I am looking for. I am not attracted to bad boys, and therefore I don't even click on a man that appears to look like he has a bad boy's photo. I am not attracted to older men, so the same applies. However I have friends and we have surfed profiles together. The beautiful thing is that we women are all so different. I have a great looking friend that is attracted to older men. I have another girlfriend that is attracted to bay boys and I am attracted to clean cut boys. Isn't it wonderful that we all find different things attractive in you men!
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 147 (view)
Are you willing to relocate for LOVE? How far would you go for LOVE?
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:46:07 PM
Absolutely! I moved across the world for love - From Australia to the USA.

OK so that ended up not lasting a lifetime, to me life is an adventure and risks are there to be taken. I read an article years ago where a whole lot of old people were asked if they could live their lives again what they would do differently. 80% of them said they wished they had taken more risks in life. After reading that I decided I didn't want to have those kind of regrets. Therefore I am a big risk taker. They haven't always worked out as planned but I don't regret any of the risks I have taken. To me life is an adventure and I'm looking forward to many more in my future.
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 2/17/2008 10:31:06 PM
I have a theory about friends first!

The difference between men & women and being friends first is (I know I'm about to generalize big time)...

Lets say a guy is at a party, a girl walks in, he looks up and thinks nothing of her. He gets to know her over time because of mutual friends, he finds out she is really cool and they become friends, he will NEVER fall in love with her because that instant attraction wasn't there. .......... Lets say a girl is at a party, a guy walks in, she looks up and thinks nothing of him. She gets to know him over time because of mutual friends, she finds out he is really cool and they become friends, she WILL fall in love with him because of his personality, his charm, wit, intelligence - because of all that - attraction has grown. .......... With that being said, you men have it much easier than we women do, women can be worn down if your are persistent and are genuine in your friendship.

I do realize there are evil people out there that use other people, I hope that is not the norm. Basically love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
phone rules?
Posted: 2/10/2008 11:42:39 PM
My advice to anyone is... wait for it... yes its that good...

T R U S T Y O U R G U T !

Your heart will tell you what you want to hear, your gut doesn't lie to you, it tells you what your mind already knows and just doesn't want to believe! I learned this lesson the hard way myself. I stopped asking people for advice as you get a myriad of answers, which advice do you then act on? How many times in hindsight do we say, "damn I had a gut feeling about this"!

Good Luck, there are plenty of nice fish in the sea!
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
Why would a guy have a tatto on HIS lower back?
Posted: 1/8/2008 6:50:01 PM
Well Thank you all for the laughs and opinions. To those of you that mentioned "Did you even ask the guy himself" you obviously didn't read my original post very well. I do talk of asking him in there.

I don't care if he is gay or not I just found it bizarre as I do not know anbody personally with one and neither does my uncle's roommate's, cousin - and he knows many people!

I do not think less of him for his tattoo placement, I just don't want to worry that a guy I'm with might be swinging both ways! Good thing is I will never really find out! Stone me for caring!

Thanks again for the many laughs and insights to the opinionated or just freaking funny people that make up this site! Oh and for the curious his tattoo was of a celtic cross; not a do not enter sign, now that would have been awesome!
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
Why would a guy have a tatto on HIS lower back?
Posted: 1/7/2008 5:49:38 PM
I found this quite strange and I hate to admit that I jumped to conclusions when I saw the picture of this guys lower back (OK it was really his butt). The first question in my mind was "why do you think I want to see a picture of your naked bottom"? The second question was "what the hell is that on your lower back"? The tramp stamp as they are so eloquently put are a girls domain or so I thought. Basically put there for certain sexual positions that give you something perty to look at.

So if a guy has one there I had to wonder who is looking at it? Which of course got me thinking damn - is this guy bi or gay and not sure? I asked him why he put a tattoo there he said he didn't know why! Right, tattoos are permanent surely you think a lot about what you are going to get and where you are going to get one beforehand.

So I thought I'd ask if this was a normal practice for hetro guys? Not that I'm at all interested in this guy - he wasn't my "cup of tea" and I didn't meet him on here so I should be safe posting this.

So boys - lay it on me, does that scream gay to you? Can hetrosexual guys even answer this question?

Thanks - I'm just curious now!
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 46 (view)
so disgusted
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:02:32 PM
I'm a little disappointed at how many people have attacked this girl personally - no wonder she left! Really who are we to judge what someone else has been through in their life. Giving advice is not making someone who already feels like crap feel less of a human being.

I have known and had many a girls night conversations with women like her. They have low self esteem to start with and feel a man will give them high self esteem. If I screw person (a) I will feel good about me. From what I've heard, you end up feeling alone and empty when its over. So they screw person (b) and the cycle continues.

There has been some awesome advice on this forum and collectively this is a great team of people. I have learned (from a book I just read) "What Men Want", that unfortunately and we all know this anyway, that its not OK to have sex on the first date. Its the whole double standard thing and men are very aware of it. No man wants to think of his girlfriend or future wife as promiscuous! They aren't stupid and don't believe the line "I just want you to know that I don't do this all the time". And I'll leave you with... "An unattached man will take what he can get sexually, but he will always have his eye out for that special woman he can respect and trust."

Lets hope our little poster who left the site gets her self together; anyone can change, and learns that not all men are jerks and if your looking for a relationship don't give it up straight away.

I'll get off my soap box now!
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