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 Author Thread: Chemistry -- that spark -- not always instant
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Chemistry -- that spark -- not always instant
Posted: 9/2/2011 12:55:42 AM
You, LC27, are very wise. There are a lot of people who think like #4
I’ve ‘never’ continued a relationship or date that had a ‘non-instant spark. I think it would be torture to stay in a relationship hoping for more knowing there is no mutual chemistry.

What they don't seem to get is that 'no mutual chemistry' can be a temporary condition. Some flames take a while to catch - but once they do - kaboom!

What's more, since so many people have experienced delayed sparks, the rest of you should pay attention and try it You may have lost out on wonderful relationships because you insist on believing sparks *must* be instant - despite plenty of people who can attest that it's silly to expect that.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Victoria Meet and Greet-The Upper Deck Sports Lounge-Saturday, Feb.26th 8pm
Posted: 2/21/2011 11:11:56 PM
How many people does this place hold?
 merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
7 women to every man in Victoria?
Posted: 2/19/2011 9:28:09 PM
^^^

You're not supposed to tell people we don't have that much rain and it's not that expensive to live here - otherwise we'll be flooded with - ugh- Vancouverites

The reason it seems as though there are so few men in Victoria is that they are a breed of scaredy cats - they hide in their homes and don't come out to events where they might have to talk to people.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Victoria Meet and Greet-The Upper Deck Sports Lounge-Saturday, Feb.26th 8pm
Posted: 2/17/2011 8:08:32 AM
Saw these guys at Blues Bash last year - great band!
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Of Forumites and Profiles
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:16:50 AM
I read the profiles of people whose posts seem very well-written and well thought out and/or are witty. I'll also look at profiles of people who have very pleasant expressions in their photos (why oh why do people post photos of themselves dead serious or even looking angry or mean?). I keep hoping some of these folks are close enough to meet and maybe chat with in person.

A person who writes a short profile is boring. I don't care what you look like; if you can't put your thoughts together coherently, I'm not interested. My profile is long and specific - why waste somebody else's time and my own if we differ greatly in values, goals, personality types, etc.?

Despite a lot of people's fervent wishes to believe 'chemistry' conquers all ( ) there's plenty of info demonstrating that relationships work best between folks with shared values, similar ideals, etc.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Two worlds that should not collide...
Posted: 11/25/2010 12:59:51 PM
OP, why settle for scraps? From what I'm reading, you'll put up with a lot of unacceptable behaviour to keep this guy. Why? Are you worth that little? Would he put up with that sort of situation if the roles were reversed? I doubt it. BTW, it's not romantic; it's just a bad situation. Some people might want to be caught up in the drama of being a secret gf - but drama is something to watch, not something to live.

I promise you that if it bothers you a bit now, it will bother you more and more as time goes on until you've finally had it. Might as well shorten the process and dump him now - think of the great guys you might be missing out on while wasting your time with this one!
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 149 (view)
 
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/25/2010 6:54:11 AM
^^^Couldn't agree more.


without the parts that make you fight all the time(who's going to do the laundry, clean the house, make dinner, etc).


Or else, you do them together rather than fighting about them. I married the ex because, when we were doing laundry together and laughing our butts off, I realized that even drudgery could be improved with someone else in your life.

I like the idea of living with someone again if it could be as much fun as it was with him. The trick is finding someone who's fun to live with. I know people hate Dr. Phil, but you gotta love his question to so many spouses: "how much fun are you to live with"?

It looks like too many people didn't end up having fun together and that's turned them off to living with someone ever again. I guess I was lucky; I hope it's not too much to hope for to get lucky (in that regard LOL) once again.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Two worlds that should not collide...
Posted: 11/25/2010 6:38:45 AM
OP, you have to figure out what kind of man you want in your life. There are the fellows like JRodriguez81, who consider their partner a vital part of their life - she's their favourite companion and they wouldn't think of excluding her.

Then there's the ones like pirateheaven, who are firmly ensconced in the belief that the world of 'man' equals being a slob, behaving immaturely, and, generally, remaining teenage into their dotage. They're the 'bros befo' hos' gang; women are a necessary annoyance who 'tie them down' and ruin their fun. As you see, they don't necessarily grow out of it so waiting for him to mature, as some have suggested, could mean a very long wait - or it may never happen. Some women find them 'manly' and attractive (I don't happen to be one, but to each her own).

No man is perfect, it's true. There will be things you like and things you dislike - but the bottom line is that, no matter how 'lovey dovey' he might be when he's around, the way he treats you makes you unhappy so it' s not worth it. The sooner you drop him, the sooner you can look for a fellow like JRodriguez81, who will treat you the way you'd like to be treated. Yes, you'll miss the good things about your 'macho man', but lots of guys have good qualities - and among them will be guys who don't have the traits that bother you about your current BF.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/23/2010 6:19:37 PM
I'm not going to fall in love with everyone I meet. That doesn't mean I might like them enough to be interested in having them as friends. The difference? Friends are people you like a lot but could never live with. OTOH, I've fallen for friends before - it's possible to find out that someone you thought was nice as a friend turns out to be such a gem, you fall in love with them.

It's tiresome to see all the cynical interpretations of 'friend'.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 94 (view)
 
boyfriend going out to dance alone
Posted: 10/20/2010 7:14:55 AM
Dancing is exercise and, in my experience, you get a 'dancer's high' from it which may be akin to the 'runner's high'. People are no more 'addicted' to it than they are to golf, jogging, cycling, etc. Some folks participate in a sport or exercise daily, others do it only once in a while. If the person you're dating spends too much time doing whatever exercise he does in your opinion, then that's the issue.

I've been dancing for a long time and have met very few dancers that I'd want to date. Ideally, I'd meet a man I'd want to date who also loves to dance, but it's not that common. In the community where I live, there are some guys who go out with a lot of the women and some women who date a lot of the men, but mostly there are 'couples' who don't exactly date - they hang out and go dancing together.


I think going out to clubs alone to dance or whatever while you are in a committed relationship is the sign of a partner who is still looking around and just tempting fate


As others have mentioned, that may be true with salsa dancing, but not at all the case with ballroom or country or any of the folk dances. A poster nailed it exactly when she said
when you've been part of a dancing (or any other) community for decades, you don't feel like you're "going out alone" to dance. You feel like you're going out to dance with your hundred friends who also love it.


If anything, being part of the community can preclude dating around just because it can be difficult if you break up. I know one couple that broke up and they had to decide which clubs they could go to which nights to avoid each other!

Bottom line - being part of a social dance group and participating in activities with your buds from the group is totally different from going out to a bar and dancing with strangers all night - wise people don't mistake the two.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Genuiness and Guarding our Hearts
Posted: 10/20/2010 6:36:19 AM

I feel that if I am open and genuine (being myself)--or that others are--they we will attract those who are also open and genuine, etc., or at least those who once were, even though they have been detoured for a bit by a past relationship(s)


And that would be a mistake. In fact, if you are open and genuine, you can more easily attract people who are not, because people often are attracted to people who possess qualities they themselves lack.

I could not disagree with Igor more. None of us should be taken as we are. None of us is fully formed or perfect. If you're a person who thinks the work of improving yourself is done, then you're not introspective enough to bother with. Not one of us is sufficiently compassionate, patient, self-disciplined or anything else to be 'accepted for who we are'.

This fellow admits he is not the man he once was. If he is not actively trying to restore his true self, then pass him by. He should want to be the man he was and you do him no wrong by hoping that he will be and supporting that desire.

I am always trying to grow and improve - I want to be considered a work in progress and to have someone in my life who is also continuing to grow - not that we would or should criticize or reject each other for not having reached perfection yet, but that we would support and encourage each other on our paths. This guy shouldn't be saying 'I'm broken - deal with it', but rather 'I'm broken and trying to get repaired and I need a hand'.

Back to the OP - unfortunately, there are a lot of people who, having been hurt, retreat behind a wall where they remain. Their coping mechanism thence afterward is to keep everyone at a distance. I've known married couples who treated each other that way. If a person is closed off, he might change - but he could just as easily be one of the ones that was so traumatized that he's not going to ever let the wall down. You can't wait forever to find out.

If you need that emotional connection to be there, then this sort of relationship will leave you starved. Give him a few months and see if things start to improve if the situation is bearable for the time being, but if nothing is changing and it's bothering you a lot, you'll have to end it for the sake of your own emotional wellbeing.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
All done dating until i get myself figured out
Posted: 10/20/2010 6:00:00 AM
The mistake that way too many people make is thinking that being physically attracted means that you'd be a good pair. All physical attraction is is Nature's imperative to procreate being expressed. You will be attracted to many women - for a successful relationship, you have to wait for one that you are compatible with. And if you have sex too soon, you get even more hooked and more likely to stick with a bad relationship.
 merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Twin flames - is there only one true love for each of us ?
Posted: 9/18/2010 12:40:52 PM
Yes. There is exactly one person on this whole planet for me. Unfortunately, he lives in Karsun, Russia. Man, that really stinks.
[/sarcasm]
 merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
unable to see the light
Posted: 9/16/2010 8:09:48 AM

How many brick walls have to fall on you before you get tired of being a bloody mess?


You mean like chasing after a guy who is in another relationship and is not going to change his ways?
 merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Victoria B.C, Sept 25 2010 Dinner and Dancing
Posted: 9/7/2010 2:02:21 PM
I think more men come out than sign up - but the ratio is still usually unbalanced, fellows.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Victoria Bc August 28, 2010 Something New; Something familiar
Posted: 8/24/2010 7:13:02 AM
@sparrkles: The notice says to bring your own picnic dinner. Maybe we should sit on the benches at the bandshell at dinnertime.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 5:47:54 PM

I was talking about the guys who SUCCESFULLY date a woman, they fall in love and want to have a life together.


Why don't you just admit that YOU want a ring without claiming to speak for all women? It's seriously illogical to extrapolate from your personal opinion to the whole world.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 6:36:51 AM

If you are a WOMAN
YOU still want a RING!

Oh goody! Somebody appointed you Official Spokesman For All Women!

NOT.

I know LOTS of women who don't like wearing rings. I guess that makes them men?

Yeesh.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Social ballroom dance events in Vancouver recently?
Posted: 8/20/2010 6:22:17 AM
^^^you mean the one that was proposed in July of '09? I'm guessing it's not in the works. Check the link I posted above for social ballroom events in Vancouver. There may not be any POFers there, but it's almost guaranteed there will be more ladies than men there so you'll not sit alone. Really smart guys take up dancing since the odds are in their favour!
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/19/2010 8:39:28 PM

Men who propose without a ring should get a slap in the face as an answer to that poorly thought and planned gesture.


Frankly, I don't want anybody to buy me a ring and surprise me. My ex and I shopped for my ring together, and it's so pretty (and not a typical engagement ring) that I wear it to this day and get many compliments on it. He was a great guy, and very generous, but he never quite got the hang of buying gifts I really loved and his idea of a great ring would not have been mine.

If you're going to wear something every day for the rest of your life, you want it to be something you like the look of - and not only that, but buying a ring together is a lovely bonding experience. I wouldn't want it any other way.


Who wants to marry a cheap **stard like that?

Jump to conclusions much? People have already given a number of explanations about why someone might not just spring a ring on his intended.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Tantra - insanguinated?
Posted: 8/13/2010 11:12:38 PM
If you see 'sang' in a word like that, it's about blood (from the French 'sang' for - yep - blood.) 'In' - well, pretty much means 'in' and 'ex' is usually 'out'. 'Exsanguinate' is in the dictionary - it means drain of blood or bleed to death. I think they made up 'insanguinate' but it's not hard to figure it out.

As for that air thing, it's called an air embolus and can kill you in very rare circumstances, but the blower would pretty much have to be blowing very hard into a sealed area. Think blowing up a large balloon or a bagpipe. The blowee would likely object to the situation long before any damage could be done

Now, for fun, go look up one of my favourite words: defenestrate.

You just have to wonder why somebody decided you needed a separate word for that LOL.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 64 (view)
 
older adults' inability to communicate ...
Posted: 8/11/2010 6:48:14 AM

Slanging: –verb (used with object)
6. to assail with abusive language.


Try a real dictionary next time. And, yes, there were a number of mistakes in grammAr.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 8/10/2010 1:13:18 PM
Yowie! What a load of thinly veiled racism!!! As with any immigrants, some will stick tightly to their old culture/ways and some will merge quickly into the new society and, while keeping some of their culture, won't cling to every last tradition.

Often, second-generation and later-generation kids are more integrated into the new culture.

Short answer: of course not all Indian families are that way. There are dating sites for every type of person you can imagine. All you have to do is do a search.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 61 (view)
 
older adults' inability to communicate ...
Posted: 8/10/2010 6:47:38 AM
The irony reply:


But, to the topic...when an e-mail comes across poorly written...and I don't mean a couple of typo's...but, just a real stinker...do we give any creedence to the supposed intellegence of the writer??? When we look at the 2 line profile of an educator and see all sorts of written error...do we just allow them a break, because, after all, this isn't where they work...

I think not...the profile is where we show all parts of ourselves in a snapshot...and the first communication is where we are "suppose" to be showing a level of interest....not a sloven, quick, cut-and-paste type of contact.


Yowza! I lost count of the spelling and grammar mistakes in this one. See, that's what's really sad - people who think they write well who are abysmal at written expression.

Nobody's slanging dyslexics or people whose first language isn't English; rather, some of us like to be able to read an email/post without having to stop to figure out what on earth the person is saying. It's about making oneself understood. It's not 'nitpicky' to want someone to communicate clearly.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
I don't want to have to 'report' to anybody - seriously?
Posted: 8/8/2010 3:48:23 PM

and a desire to want to share what he does
i.e. the normal course of interaction. You tell the people in your office what you've been up to. You tell your pals where you're going and with whom. Why? Because you share information with people as a matter of normal conversation. The 'relationship red flags' lists talk about people who hide their actions as a bad sign. Talking about your life is a way to build intimacy - something, apparently, foreign to most of the respondents to this question.

How many of you, when your friends ask 'what have you been up to'? say 'none of your business'? Who keeps their activities a secret unless, as a couple people above said, they are hiding something? Maybe FWBs, but not people in actual relationships.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
I don't want to have to 'report' to anybody - seriously?
Posted: 8/8/2010 2:38:30 PM
OK Igor. You have a girlfriend. You've been seeing each other steadily for a year. She takes off for an evening and doesn't tell you she'll be going out, that she went out, or anything about it. Or she vanishes for a weekend without even telling you she's going away. You're just all peachy keen and happy with that, are you?
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I don't want to have to 'report' to anybody - seriously?
Posted: 8/8/2010 2:27:31 PM

Daily life/activities are usually communicated through CONVERSATION....

That's not 'reporting'. CRIPES.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I don't want to have to 'report' to anybody - seriously?
Posted: 8/8/2010 1:44:49 PM
The woman he's seeing.

Edit to reply to below: Oh for cripes sakes. Nobody said anything about 'accounting for every second of the day'.

Edit to reply to

Daily life/activities are usually communicated through CONVERSATION....
Thank you. My point exactly. So if someone refuses to communicate about daily life/activities at all, it's not normal, right?
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
"I don't want to have to 'report' to anybody" - seriously?
Posted: 8/8/2010 1:36:29 PM
OK. So Mommy wanted you to tell her when you'd be home and you resented it because you were trying to be a MAN. Now you're all grown up, how did you not manage to get over that?

What kind of man wants to be free to go places and do things and not 'account' for where he's been or what he's been up to? My answer: an immature one. Yours?
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Victoria event cohosts wanted!
Posted: 8/5/2010 8:34:12 PM
POF frowns on posting events in forums, sadly. However, if you keep an eye on the listings in Monday mag or the T-C, and I think they're also in the Vic News Calendar, you will find them. The Halloween one is a hoot! You can usually buy tickets at the door, BTW.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Intent
Posted: 8/5/2010 7:53:07 AM
Of course. You can ask any question you like, but the people who are dishonest in life will be dishonest in writing. IMHO, it's a waste of time adding all these features purporting to improve matches. Just allow people room to advertise themselves; the heavy lifting in any relationship is figuring out if someone lives up to his own press.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 156 (view)
 
Welfare recipients with money to burn!
Posted: 8/5/2010 7:49:59 AM
It's just so heartening to see people rush to judge others even when they cannot possibly know each person's full story. Oh, and of course, everyone making these judgements is a paragon of perfection - no vices, no problems, totally able to live life according to the highest standards of perfection.

It's really an epidemic in society - spending one's time criticizing everybody else rather than figuring out how to make your own self a better person and letting others be.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Victoria event cohosts wanted!
Posted: 8/5/2010 7:39:45 AM
When I go to this one (14th, not 13th, I realize), I'll ask them what they think. Thing is, it's a huge hall and the prices of the drinks are very low so I don't know if they can afford to lower the cover price. We'll see.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Victoria event cohosts wanted!
Posted: 8/4/2010 10:38:27 PM
Well, the bad news is that I'm not allowed to have it because ten whole dollars is considered too expensive

I give up. I thought it would be fun for people but oh well.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Event mods
Posted: 8/1/2010 9:28:21 AM
I'm wondering whether the upper limit might not be raised. Events like dances are rarely cheaper than $10.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Event mods
Posted: 7/31/2010 11:03:01 PM
Thanks. The rules say

Any venue with a cover charge of $7 or more MUST BE pre-approved by Event Moderator prior to posting
. The one I want to post costs $10. Far be it from me to violate the rule.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Event mods
Posted: 7/31/2010 7:53:40 PM
Is there more than one event moderator? I'd like to post an event and sent some questions to the mod but haven't heard back...
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Victoria event cohosts wanted!
Posted: 7/27/2010 12:41:12 PM
Thanks, B.E. I appreciate the info, but still don't want to do this solo just because of the time commitment, etc. I see various POFers there - if they're not interested in attending as a POF event or stepping up or if nobody else is interested, then I won't bother. Besides, it's more fun to organize something like this with other folks.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Victoria event cohosts wanted!
Posted: 7/27/2010 7:13:02 AM
Nanaimo is whuppin' Victoria in terms of events lately :( We lost acouple of intrepid event hostesses and I don't know where the rest of the event planners are but there's so many POFers from Victoria that we really have to get some events going!

There's a group in town that holds regular 'singles' dances' at the da Vinci centre which are a ton of fun. It's not really a singles' club because the dances are the only thing they put on so they're not competiton for POF or anything. I think these dances would be ideal for POF events, but hosting would be a big job. I'd be happy to co-host with a couple other folks but I don't want to do it on my own.

So, any takers? There's one on the 13th of August. The room's very nice, the dance floor huge, and the crowd is late-30's and up. Contact me via my profile or reply here and I'll contact you and let's get some parties started!
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Relationship History
Posted: 7/27/2010 6:46:18 AM

They are going to come to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with me



I know personally I just have no desire or need to be committed to one person.

Um. Yeah. I'd say most women want a guy who isn't afraid of commitment and so that you only have short-term relationships and don't want commitment would definitely count as 'something wrong with you' in many people's eyes.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Plan for mosque near World Trade Center site moves ahead
Posted: 7/27/2010 6:40:35 AM
It looks like the US is becoming more and more racist and less and less tolerant. It's very depressing.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
The bias against age
Posted: 7/21/2010 3:32:42 PM
I'm a tad leery of men much older than me because I want somebody who can keep up with me. I've always had the most energy of all my friends, even younger ones. I've only once had a relationship with someone older than me and that didn't work out great. Some people start to get 'old' early - they quit being interested in new things, in learning, in, well, changing or growing. That doesn't work for me.

I'd actually prefer it if POF asked health questions rather than age, because people of the same age can be in very different states of health. I realize love is for 'better or worse', but I'm hoping to have a goodly chunk of 'better' before 'worse' hits.
 MerryLass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 47 (view)
 
45+ and not ever having a relationship more than 10 years
Posted: 7/21/2010 12:46:21 AM
You're asking the wrong question. Duration is immaterial. Reasons for both getting together and breaking up are; most importantly, did the person learn from the experience and has he applied the lessons learned?

People make mistakes - sometimes, more than once. But I'd rather have someone who has had a few shorter relationships and learned from every one than only one long relationship and learned zip.

You yourself are having trouble finding someone - is it so hard to imagine that others have as much trouble?
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Kissing a Germaphobic girl.... HOW?
Posted: 7/19/2010 1:05:18 PM
WOW, what ignorance!!!! Clearly, nobody whatsoever understands phobias because I've seen nothing but idiocy on this thread.

If she has OCD, there is NO logic to why she's afraid of kissing as opposed to having a kid, etc. OCD is NOT about logic; it's an irrational fear that can be crippling. The only answer to this is to see if she's planning to get help for this. If not, yes, she may in time get over her phobia, but it may take a long long while.

Shame on every one of you accusing her of lying, etc.!!
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Emotional Pornography
Posted: 7/14/2010 1:31:25 PM

The simple truth is chemistry is what brings a man and a women together, nothing more or less..

^^^another example of emotional porn. Every POFer who blathers on about 'spark' or 'chemistry' has also been sucked into thinking that there is some magical thing that alights, like the spirit of a butterfly, on the souls of two people ,drawing them together.

That's utter bull. We are animals and actual chemistry (the test tube kind) has its effects - but that's all about biology and nature and has nothing to do with love. Any person that goes on about 'love at first sight', 'spark', or 'chemistry' is a victim of the romantic ideal which came out of the literature of the Romantic age and really wasn't part of the human psyche in that form before that. And that's a very large percentage of POF.

The idea of what love should be is firmly embedded in popular culture, not just romance novels or 'RomComs'. However, in the age of ubiquitous information, it doesn't take too long to do some research on all this and inform yourself enough to be able to avoid the pitfall of believing all the BS. If you want to live your life based in reality, that is.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 195 (view)
 
Yeah, we should all be concerned........
Posted: 7/9/2010 6:55:26 PM
Ohfergawdsakes. People tell fibs all the time. Half the people on this board are acting as though shaving a couple years off is the equivalent of betraying nuclear secrets.

People badly need lives.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Majorly screwed up, what to do...
Posted: 7/5/2010 7:44:38 AM
This is obviously too late, but I'm astonished at how many POFers are mind-readers and 'knew' what she was thinking. Here's a big fat clue, people. DON'T SECOND GUESS ANOTHER PERSON. Yeesh. What I would have told him was 'tell her what you told us - that you fear she's looking to break up with you to go to a party with her ex - and see what she says'.

Shame on the whole lot of you for assuming you 'knew' what was going on in her mind. That's why people get into ridiculous fights - they assume they know what the other is thinking.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
It was my birthday but I get in trouble because I didn't acknowledge my wife?
Posted: 7/5/2010 7:18:34 AM
Get used to being ignored, neglected, and treated badly. Apparently you knew she was this way before you married her and married her anyway. Did you think marriage would magically turn her nice? You made the mistake of deciding to put up with her selfishness and you've condemned your own self to a lifetime of it. So, yes, you are wrong to think she'd behave any differently. Did you ever hear the saying 'believe a person when they show you who they are'? You didn't. You married your image of her, not the real person, and now you're disappointed because she is the real person you tried to pretend didn't exist.

You'll put up with this for another year, or five, or like somebody I know, fifteen, and then someday you'll finally figure out that she is not going to change and you'll go find yourself a better wife.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 86 (view)
 
How important is [materialism?] spirituality?
Posted: 7/1/2010 12:35:54 AM

who ponder a bunch of impossible things they can't see/hear/feel/touch

Everything that is most meaningful is insubstantial; cannot be heard, felt, touched, seen. Can you put your finger on love? Draw a picture of it? What are 'thought' or 'belief' or 'truth' but concepts with no form whatsoever but that which your imagination conveys? It's beyond hilarious that people who talk about, think about, and use a myriad of abstract concepts every single day think that the Divine cannot exist because it can no more be touched than can love be.

In fact, the phrase of yours I quoted is full of things which cannot be proven to exist except as concepts:
ponder, impossible, cannot, see, hear, feel, touch - we all know what they are and can sort of describe them but none of them exist - even 'existence' is a concept. So when you say that you can't believe in something you can't touch, it's a flat out lie - because you believe in hundreds of things/thoughts/ideas that have no shape or sound or smell.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 4 (view)
 
suggestions for hobbies please..
Posted: 7/1/2010 12:22:14 AM
Travel the world from your desktop. There are links to webcams everywhere, lots of museums and other attractions with virtual tours, Google Earth, online maps, photo galleries, etc. Perhaps take the time to plan some trips. Organize your photos. Learn something new - become a master of Word or some other application. Learn a craft - knitting or sewing or tole or any one of thousands. Plan nifty menus and hunt for recipes on the Web. Do puzzles - jigsaw or crossword.
 
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