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 Author Thread: Is this girl testing my nerves ?? Please advice !
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Is this girl testing my nerves ?? Please advice !
Posted: 1/14/2019 10:13:03 AM
The biggest problem I see with this is that you're not sure what you did wrong and we're not sure either because we weren't there so there's no way to improve. Also, it may not be your fault and she could have a boyfriend or be into another guy. That's the most frustrating part about dating - not knowing what you did wrong because you get no feedback. It's like a hockey coach saying: "I have no idea why we lost that game but let's just do the exact same thing next time."
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/14/2019 10:07:15 AM

I just had to rant about how many women say they want someone that can "carry a conversation" when they can't themselves. In fact, it seems like half of these women want to find someone that behaves more like primetime television than a human being, keeping them entertained with mouth noises while requiring minimal or no effort from themselves.


Online dating is more or less a waste of time for men. Any attractive woman will spend maybe 5 seconds per message because her inbox is full and possibly ignore the rest. I know women that don't even put pictures up and they got like 80 messages when they signed up. However, once you have a woman's attention, you just have to say: "uh huh" and let her do the talking.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 20 (view)
 
wow
Posted: 1/14/2019 10:04:33 AM

my ex-girlfriend wants me to come by her new apartment and see it ?? I don't think this is probably a good idea why do you guys think about it. then she said I can come over almost any time's up on Friday when she's with a boyfriend house.


There are only three possibilities and they should be super obvious to anyone. She either wants to get laid, wants to get back with you because her new boyfriend sucks or she wants money from you.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 12/19/2018 9:09:23 PM

On POF I met many good people who could possible make a perfect wife in the future.The hurdles that I have ran into involves personal problems that these women are presently going through that will affect their relationships.It could be a recent break-up or their encounters with other guys with issues too. I now understand the name POF because you must have to keep fishing until you catch one.


I'd say it's inferior to going out and meeting people in person. The only emails I get are women complaining about men standing them up or not wanting to meet and then they disappear if I bring up meeting up for coffee or lunch. The juice usually isn't worth the squeeze.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 309 (view)
 
A man and his car...
Posted: 11/8/2018 3:24:32 AM

Some guys do this even the secure ones I dated a guy that first meet me he came with his nice care the second time he came with a truck with some some build house he had in the back he was testing me. Well I am cancer sign I like security but fancy things shiny things do nothing for me as long as your clean and carry yourself well maybe you don't wan't people know what you got. My last ex trusted me I lived in mini mansion I did ask for anything but it was lonely living in big house . A car does have to be a sport care but as long as its not look like its been git by a bus a few times I guess thing I don't even drive someone has to take me for who I am my anxiety gets to me more a submissive for HOH like guy but guy gotta get some things in order. Don't get a guy with a sports car he will treat that as number one only a women number 2 get someone even if its a town and country even mini vans have updated put bikes and stuff in the back.


What?
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Why do Single mothers push men away?
Posted: 11/3/2018 12:22:51 AM
No idea. I got ghosted after dating one for four years. Maybe don't date single mothers.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Lack of interest.
Posted: 10/27/2018 10:47:45 AM

I've been single for about a year and a half. I have pretty good luck getting women to reply (about 75% engage in conversation) and can usually get a date out of most of those. The problem is I lose interest very fast. I find a profile I'm interested in, start up a conversation and within a day or two find myself looking for reasons to stop talking. It's not that they aren't amazing women it's that I'm just not interested in them. It's the internet though so for a while I would still meet them and go on dates to see if there would be something in person... but there wouldn't be anything there. Not on my part anyway. I did try a relationship with one woman that ended after four months because I couldn't develop feelings for her.


Holy crap. How do you get so many responses? I'm in the best shape of my life and I get like a 1% response rate if I'm lucky. You must have some kind of magical opening line.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 402 (view)
 
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/5/2018 12:30:23 PM

I think some guys live in a really weird world.
They are the center of everyone's life - their ex's emotions center around them.
And all girls need to realize they are 'nice guys' and date them - no matter any other concerns like whether SHE'S attracted to him or not.
Doesn't that seem kind of silly to everyone?


I've never met a single person that thought that way. I think that's a fantasy in some people's heads.


When all people (regardless of... etc.) are reimbursed equally or equivalently for the labor they do then I'll stop ****ing about equal pay.


Who doesn't get paid equally? It's illegal to pay people less based on gender or race.


Feminist here. But I don't want to kill... what are they called? Pre-born children? I'm all for letting fetuses develop into children but I certainly don't call women who have abortions (or other liberals) 'baby-killers'. As you note, it is a more nuanced controversy than that.


The major problem with abortion is that women have all the power. What's stopping women from tricking men into getting pregnant and having total control over whether that baby is born or not? A woman could poke holes in the condom, lie about birth control among other things.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/4/2018 11:07:31 AM

Also for men chemistry often means sexual compatibility. In "Ask a guy", constantly women feel used that after sex the man disappears. I always said they just don't get it. The man didn't get turned off that the women is easy(we like sex and those who have it with us after all). What often likely happens is the guy just doesn't feel the "chemistry". But we don't know this until after sex. Up until sex it is all an attraction based on looks fueled by personality.


Most men will sleep with just about any woman. Chemistry is mostly based on looks and the guy knows right away, before sleeping with them if she's someone he wants to see again. Usually a guy is just sleeping with a girl he's not physically attracted to out of convenience. That's why she doesn't hear from him again. The only time I guy will avoid an attractive woman after sleeping with them is if she scares him away by revealing she drinks every day or comes across super clingy.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 374 (view)
 
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/2/2018 11:07:57 AM

Kind of a circular argument, tho. If a Mr Nice Guy is a loser, he's a loser to what? His accounting job? No. The dating scene. Okay. He's already losing to women in the dating scene, so the question of "what woman would want to date a loser to the dating scene" is answered by him Not getting them, hence the description of him. :)


Everyone has a different idea of what a "nice guy" is. Is he someone that would stop to help someone change a tire or is he a pushover that lets people walk all over him? There's nothing negative about being nice. It's a positive quality. I think people are misusing the term when they're trying to talk about someone that's overly agreeable.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 372 (view)
 
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/2/2018 9:58:17 AM

Women who rejected this nice guy in her 20s and 30s and now have a kid or two, a high school education (maybe) see this guy they used to reject and see how comfy and secure he is and then they want to latch on to him for security.

I have 2 friends who are like this and they are awesome guys but women would reject them all the time, now that they have houses and great careers women try to latch on and latch on fast. Luckily they are smart guys and dump these women when their motives show.


That's right. Like they say, alpha f*cks, beta bucks.


The more I think about it, the more I wanna call a nice guy what they really are - loser! Thunk about it: What woman would want to date a loser?!

Women want a keeper not a creeper, a winner not a wiener!


Being nice makes you a creep? Okay, I guess you learn something new every day.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 19 (view)
 
ghosted again, but never expected it 'this time'
Posted: 10/1/2018 12:15:12 PM

fully aware of just how common ghosting is, almost expect it anymore but this one really blindsided me. new member 10 miles away with same interests, lifestyles etc. message her and she responds close enough to just meet (extremely rare) so we exchange numbers and agrees to text in the morning. we text threw out the work day and everything we discuss is spot on. both of us busy and agree later in week is best. she continues texting, and sending pics of what were doing (nothing dirty) I was changing a motor and she had kids over for a bon fire. come to find we have common friends, first name SHE mentions is a close friend I see often. she has been to most of the car shows I have attended, camps the same areas etc. etc. etc. at 2:00 a.m. we quit texting. today, no response. at 11:00 p.m. I go to pof expecting a dear john, found something better or goldfish died and not into dating so soon after its death, something! never expected to be ghosted! she was online already trading up! I am the first to say it isn't anything but words on a screen until you meet but this one really surprised me. no love loss, we never even met. just thought the mutual friends and attending same functions would of at least got me an excuse, not ghosted. no pity needed i'm over it, just felt like venting.


That's a bummer. I got ghosted after dating someone for four years and I never found out why. I think the online dating thing plays tricks with people's minds. Because it's 99% men messaging women, women that wouldn't get a second look in public get flooded with messages before they even put a picture up and think they have more options than they do, when in reality, they meet up with guys that are just looking for a one nighter. I'm not saying your date was unattractive, but everyone is vulnerable to the mind games. On the flip side, quality men get ignored and start to think they have nothing to offer. I think the more you understand human nature, the less angry you get because it's like getting angry at a fish for swimming. Since men don't get pregnant, they ensured the survival of their genes by mating with more than one partner, so women often have to deal with men who are less than faithful. Since women get pregnant, it's a bigger investment for them and they need to mate with men that have the highest quality genes and access to resources. So call it hypergamy or whatever you want to call it, it's just female nature. She was never yours, it was only your turn. You might have hit it off if you actually met, but she had some idea in her head of the perfect partner.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 9/30/2018 1:11:08 PM

The man in "GuyWorld" often complain about dateless lives because YOUNGER women aren't interested in dating them. There are women their age who are available, but they refuse them, citing "too much baggage" and not "sexually exciting." That's their own, damned fault.

Women over 40 do have immense difficulties in getting attention and dates because they're perceived as "past their prime"and "unattractive." And, if the woman over 40 is exceptionally attractive and she does get dates, she is deemed a harlot, a cougar, or it's rumored she's desperate. Men are not going to clamor to date a woman 40+ and popularity on dating site is just an illusion. It just won't happen. If the OP is expecting this, it's going to backfire. She suggested that she just needs to meet more people, and I agree.


This isn't true at all. Men's difficulties are the same whether they're looking for younger women or women the same age or older. Why would a man date a woman with too much baggage? A woman doesn't want a guy with baggage. That's total baloney that women over 40 are overlooked. My last girlfriend was 7 years older than me and that was my longest relationship. A woman over 40 that looks good is known as a woman that takes care of herself, not a harlot. The age of the people I message doesn't seem to make any difference on the number or lack or replies I get. I would gladly do coffee with a woman older than me or the same age if she's a cool person and I think most guys feel the same way. If you have to chase them and all they give you is one word answers, it's not really worth it. Of course men prefer younger women in general because of human nature, but it's just not true that they ignore women of the same age or older if they're quality women.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 9/30/2018 12:53:31 AM

Anyway, since I really do want a relationship. I have concluded it is a numbers game. Therefore, I NEED MORE DATES! Lol. Please spare me the profile review that's already been done. I change it often to get more popular, and hey it works because I am lol. So what can I do now?


It seems pretty obvious. Message someone you're interested in and ask them to hang out. It's so easy for a woman to get a date if they step out of their comfort zone.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Leaving POF for eharmony
Posted: 9/30/2018 12:50:57 AM
Is that Mr. Lahey?
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 250 (view)
 
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 9/15/2018 5:29:47 PM

I don't think I want a man who demands my weight always remain what he considers 'right'.
I definitely don't want a man who thinks I need to mold myself over to what he likes.
I don't want a man who demands that I never change. Stasis is death and I know I'm going to get older with more wrinkles and such.
I don't want a man who won't even look at someone who is out of his criteria; whose standards are immobile and unchanging. (see comment about stasis.)


What does this mean? Stasis is death? Of course your skin is going to change a bit as you age, but what does it have to do with weight? You don't have to gain weight as you age if you stay active and eat right.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 249 (view)
 
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/14/2018 12:39:04 AM

I like to say, as long as they are attractive to me. I've had dates with men who I originally didn't find all that attractive looking. After spending some time with them and getting to know them, they suddenly became more attractive to me. Looks alone shouldn't necessarily rule someone out. Unless, of course, they are down right homely to you.


That still proves look are #1. You had dates you didn't find hot or very attractive at first, but they were still physically attractive enough to give them a chance to see if any chemistry grows. If they looked like a beast from the woods, there's no way you would give them a chance. Everyone rules people out based on looks alone.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 234 (view)
 
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/13/2018 12:48:22 AM

Looks only matter in the latent stages of a relationship but they alone cannot carry interest. Thus, looks don't matter overall as much you claim they do. Like our dearly departed Pig has said (I'm paraphrasing), "good looks better have one hell of a supporting cast to keep me interested."


Sure they do. It's a bit different for me and women though. Many women don't have to work because they have good looks and a rich guy will take care of them. Subconsciously, looks matter even when doing job interviews and other things. Attractive people get treated better even if it's not conscious. It can also extend relationships because people will be willing to put up with more nonsense from an above average partner.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 251 (view)
 
When's the last time you met someone in real life to date?
Posted: 9/9/2018 3:10:00 PM

I think usually when a gal is in mid or later 30s, Undecided doesn't mean she's looking forward to it at all.


You'd be surprised. The women I've met in their 30's all have the baby rabies.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 249 (view)
 
When's the last time you met someone in real life to date?
Posted: 9/9/2018 2:35:43 PM

I know this has been my problem. My friends even pointed it out to me back in the day when I was lamenting it. With guys I like, I do not act like myself, I'm reserved and serious and its because I'm shy and nervous. So I give off a stay away vibe I guess. And then with guys I don't like or have no romantic interest in, I am myself and smile and joke around, etc. So that's why numerous guys I had no interest in always hit on me or asked me out. Now that online dating is my only real option of meeting someone, I need to work on my confidence level and being my natural self around a guy I like. It takes me a while to get comfortable with anyone but once I get out of that guard I have up I shine through.


Do you want more kids? It says on your profile you're undecided about having more. That might scare some men off because some men may be cautious but willing to date single mothers like I was, but the thought of having their own babies in the late thirties is too much. I think figuring that out, either yes or no would be helpful in attracting the right person.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What to do?
Posted: 9/7/2018 11:22:50 AM

I put a lot thoughts and considerations and emotions into a possibility of having a child. Doubts, happiness, what ifs, maybes. He thinks I should just get over it. He thinks that in two days I should be back to normal. He doen't understand how I feel betrayed by him and how he played with my emotions only to let me down. I don't want to go to a fertility clinic only to find out the statistics with no further treatment.

I don't know what to do. I am a mess right now. Should I break up with him?


Why would you want to start raising a baby at 40 years old? I just don't get it. I don't think you and him are thinking straight. Use your money to go on a nice trip to Europe instead. If you're not happy with him and he's mean to you, break up with him.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 602 (view)
 
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/4/2018 12:31:56 PM

Coma...
Rather than go over your post point by point, I will only comment that:

You are unique. Your experiences are unique.
They are not universal.
They are also atypical.

In a divorce, it is women who suffer financially and socially. Various studies prove this.
In general, women decide to end a marriage that has been tearing them apart and, by the time they initiate a divorce, they have already done their mourning.

If we must be exact - it is marriages that cause divorce.

And, for the record, I really detest men saying women get all the alimony and child support.
Child support is (supposed to be) for raising children and studies also show that women spend a higher percentage of their income on children then men do.
And less that 10% of divorced women receive alimony (while about only 3% of men do).
However, men still make more money...


Exactly. That's why I'd rather look at the evidence and the numbers. Studies conclude that men are more affected by break ups/divorces and women initiate more divorces than men. What study proves women suffer more financially and socially? Who says a woman has already done their mourning before they get a divorce? Divorces can happen because the woman found someone they're more attracted to or someone with more resources. It's not true that men make more money than women. People interpret statistics to mislead people to that conclusion, but if it was legal to pay women less than men, businesses would just hire women to save money. Men generally work longer hours at higher risk jobs and women take more time off for raising families.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 594 (view)
 
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 4:40:15 PM

How can anybody do a study on that? It's not like one minute, somebody is heartbroken, and the next minute, they're over it. It's usually a gradual thing and dependent on the circumstances. Somebody might feel they're over a breakup, and there might be something that triggers the hurt feelings all over again-and getting over that varies from person to person. It sounds like somebody did a survey, asking people how long did it take them to get over a breakup, and just took their word for it when people specified a time frame.


They do studies on it the same way they do studies on divorce, depression, anxiety, dating, loneliness, disabilities, etc. It's not like they have to come up with a new method.


Again, I will ask.. in what way? Because it certainly isn't financially or socially.
IF the man, for example, cheats on his wife and refuses to go to counseling, then I'll agree that he may be shocked that she dare to divorce him. But are you saying that men are so delicate that the shock of a woman leaving is so detrimental to him? Surely not!
I will agree that a person being blindsided - whether male or female - is going to take much longer to recover their balance and sense of self. And I'll agree that more women initiate divorce --- because they are sick of begging their man to stay home, play with the kids, don't f*ck around, pay attention to their family, go to some sort of counseling. But I can't say the man would be surprised after all that. As an example...I spent a year trying to convince my ex to go to some sort of counseling. So I gave up on the marriage and filed for divorce. The first words out of his mouth were, "let's go to counsel".
But are all men (I'll certainly say 'some men' are) so stupid they can't recognize cause and effect?


Sure it is. Men, in general, have less support for emotional issues than women. They also typically pay more child support and alimony than women. On average, women initiate more divorces than men. A lot of men are devastated and broken if they lose a woman they love. That's not rare. I believe men are the more romantic of the two genders and pretend to be opportunistic. You don't see YouTube channels devoted to women trying to solve the problem of getting over break ups because men are always trading up. You don't see any Women Going Their Own way movements. The bottom line is men and women are different and there are disadvantages for each gender.


Are you kidding!? People AVOID divorced women like they're contagious. Except men who thing they're an easy f*ck.

Note: I am not saying that men's behavior is the cause of all divorces. A marriage and, by relevancy, divorces are the combined behaviors of both parties. Both parties are injured in various ways by a divorce.


No they don't. My last girlfriend was divorced twice. Why would I care if she was divorced?


And I showed the stats in an earlier thread that showed while women were the plaintiffs more often in divorce cases, meaning they are the ones who initiate the divorce, the stats show that the reasons for initiating divorce are most often adultery and/or the man moving out so in reality its the man that caused the divorce. Men aren't usually in a hurry to head to court because it doesn't usually benefit them to do so because they are the ones that end up paying child support and/or alimony.


No, it's not the men causing divorces in general. You could say the guy drove the to do that but you could also say the woman drove the guy to move out. It's a never ending blame game. The point I was making is that divorce rates have increased over time due to hypergamy and more options for women.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 588 (view)
 
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 12:05:02 PM

In the real world....I have witnessed the opposite.


Really? Every relationship I've been in since I was 15, the woman moved on way faster. Like you said, I've witnessed the opposite, men that miss the women they were dating and women that move on quickly because they already have an inbox flooded with messages or guys at the gym or some place that are interested in them. All the studies conclude it takes men longer to get over a break up.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 586 (view)
 
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 11:50:31 AM

Where did you get the info that men, more than women, are affected by break ups is a fact?
And how is ‘affected’ defined?
Financially? Ha! More women are affected worse and more men are affected to their betterment financially.
Emotionally?
Socially?
Mentally?


I'm not sure what you mean. Why would you saw women are worse off financially? Every study done concludes that men take longer to get over break ups. It's also just common sense. It's easier to move on when you have a lot of options and people approaching you.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/men-may-never-truly-get-over-a-relationship-break-up-says-study-10450413.html
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Does this recent experiment end once and for all the debate on who gets more messages?
Posted: 9/3/2018 11:24:18 AM
There was never any doubt. My secretary at work made an account with no picture and gets 50 to 80 messages a day. I'm lucky if I get one message or one response a month.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 583 (view)
 
Women making the first move...
Posted: 9/3/2018 11:07:11 AM

It's okay to state "the women that I know" or "the women in my experience" behave a certain way. But I still wouldn't make generalizations about an entire group of women based on a certain sample size. Not all situations or variables are always the same. Also this can be subjective. One person's definition of "having many sex partners during a certain time frame" can be different than another person's definition.


I think you can generalize if it's something about their nature or if the numbers back it up. Things like women initiating more divorces than men and men being more affected than women by break ups are facts.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/31/2018 2:54:12 PM

Mood swings, giving off the cold shoulder, tantrums....childish behaviour....suck suck.....


In that case, I should be dead by now lol.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Is it possible to re-attract a woman who was once into me, but lost interest?
Posted: 8/31/2018 9:20:04 AM

Get the fvck outta here!
You really 35?!
You suck the life out of someone then eventually they have to walk away.
Leave the poor woman alone.


How did he suck the life out of her?
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 561 (view)
 
Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/30/2018 8:28:05 PM

Swinging is not the same as poly/non-monogamous relationships. In some regards I respect the swinging community more because they're more open about their intentions. Besides, a lot of poly/non-mono people get offended if you associate them with swingers because, in their eyes, they believe they're forming meaningful bonds with these people outside of their primary relationship. Poly community tries to dress it up (I hate repeating myself) as more 'love' & relationships with multiple people when they're just in it for extra sex. Was your ex-W trying to go on dates with these men who DP'd her and trying to make them her boyfriends under the false promise of "I can both love my husband and boyfriends"?

I'm not talking about swingers.


Most swingers aren't honest about their intentions though. Swingers usually come from failed marriages and try the "open marriage" nonsense to save it. It's very rare that people stick to the rules. Most sleep with people behind their spouse's back once the line's get blurred. I knew swingers that would encourage non-swingers to cheat on their spouse so they could be with them in secret. You're really not missing out on anything by staying away from them.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 53 (view)
 
6 Classes of Single Moms
Posted: 8/30/2018 8:17:22 PM

People tend to put themselves on pedestals and expect others to too, when really they're probably pretty similar to those they're looking down on.


Like who?
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 104 (view)
 
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 8/29/2018 11:02:50 PM

So how many STD's have you guys had?!


Zero :)
I've only had intercourse without protection with one person that I was in a long term relationship with.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 99 (view)
 
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 8/27/2018 6:15:40 PM

I don't go to bars.
Even as social experiments.

However, is pursuit of a one-night stand really a pursuit in the context of dating?


Why not? A lot of dates end up as one night stands. That's a huge part of dating. Some relationships start out as one night stands.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 97 (view)
 
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 8/27/2018 11:34:30 AM

But men choose who to pursue.

Different people have the upper hand at different times.


Just go to a bar, you'll see that men aren't that picky about who they pursue lol.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 406 (view)
 
On dating a cheapskate.
Posted: 8/27/2018 11:31:34 AM

There are lots of women on this site that will take advantage of you then throw you away once your money is gone. I've had several ladies come out and tell me, Leo, if you want to date me you'll have to fly me to Europe or Paris, that's the only way you will get my attention.


Oh my God. Just block and delete idiots like that. I've had women from other countries pay their own way to visit me and date. I would of course pay my own way if it was my turn to visit them, but there's no way I'm going to be some chump that opens his wallet to get a woman's attention. I don't want attention from those losers. Anyone that uses people for money, sex, transportation, etc is a terrible person. If you want a one night stand, be honest about it so both people are on the same page. If you want to see the world, plan a trip together, pay your own way, but only go with someone if you're sincere about getting to know them as a person.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 3 (view)
 
do you guys think she doesnt wanna see me?
Posted: 8/26/2018 11:34:46 AM

Okay so i havent seen this girl in a long time so i was at work and i went out to the lobby and i saw the girl i used to liked back in high school sitting at the table with her boyfriend & i guess she was waiting for her food at the table because i saw her looking over at the front counter and i just stood there looked at her from afar but then i looked away and went back to work.but now i keep seeing her boyfriend picking up food for the both of them at the place i work at but i guess she doesnt wanna see me.


What?
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Do Women realy have the 'Upper Hand'? Ladies?
Posted: 8/23/2018 9:44:49 PM

didn't read all six pages here..sorry if someone already made my point...but women having the upper hand is a crock.
whoever wants it more is in the weaker position.
it is as simple as that.


How can it be a crock when it's factual? Men are the ones that pursue and women are the ones that choose. That gives them an upper hand by design alone.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 180 (view)
 
why do do many people underestimate their body type
Posted: 8/20/2018 4:00:26 PM

From your pics, you seem to carry your weight better than others, pound for pound, as I would measure it by an average guy's aim instead. Assuming one is the 'typical' gal: @5'8.5" -- the "target" weight is 148. For a guy, it's 156. So yeah, 160 is a good "target" for you, as opposed to 150. The "high" for a gal at your height is 174. You have that the average of the average, where average = not thin, not overweight.

I would put it like this for 5'8.5", for Typical gals, and assuming one doesn't do weight lifting... but one's YMMV -- reading off a health chart, with me still giving it a little leeway:
Under 130: underweight
130-145: Thin
146-170: Average (not slender, not chubby)
171-185: A Few Extra Pounds (Chubby, not fat)
186-210: Plus-Sized (aka "fat")
211-235: BBW
236+: VBW (Very Big Woman)


That's right on the money. I'm between 160 and 165, but I guess it depends on your fat to muscle ratio. I could probably drop a few pounds and still be healthy.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 431 (view)
 
Women making the first move...
Posted: 8/20/2018 10:05:59 AM

I know that you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. However, things that I found fulfilling doing alone no longer fulfill me. I used to be really into tv but in the past year its lost its luster for me. I also used to be a bookworm but my genre of choice, historical romance, just leaves me wishing for real life romance. These days, aside from my kids, my interests are getting physically fit and playing soccer. But I yearn for a walking or biking buddy. And soccer was co-ed and spending time with athletic good-looking guys just made me want one. Everywhere I go I see happy couples and I really want that. And knowing my ex never had to be single a minute makes me a little ticked off, it just doesn't seem fair. I know two women with kids that become single around the same time as me and they are both in new relationships and I wonder to myself, why not me? And I spent so long in a loveless lonely relationship, I am tired of being lonely.

I managed to go a month without talking online with anyone but then last night the loneliness got to me again. There has been a guy I've been talking to for a couple months and seeing in person but he hasn't messaged me back in a few days and I worry I've gotten ghosted. 4 guys messaged me on pof but all 4 were just looking for sex. And I realized I'm not looking for sex, not really. Just looking for someone to talk to.


I know the feeling. I used to go to a lot of yard sales, estate sales, flea markets, exhibitions and things like that with my ex and it feels boring and weird to do it alone. I do sometimes because I get bored, but it was our thing. I also want to be in good shape. I had an ex approach me about getting back together but I wasn't really feeling it because she gained 100 pounds and has no motivation to lose it or be healthy. She calls herself a fat chick and thinks it's all genetics. I feel bad for looking at her differently, but I'm pretty sure she would look at me differently if I gained 100 pounds and gave up on myself.

I've had more people that I can count ghost me on dating sites or social media, etc. I even had a girlfriend of four years ghost me. It's just par for the course these days. It kind of makes you feel like giving up when people treat you like sour cream and onion chips.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 197 (view)
 
Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/15/2018 12:56:09 AM

And it would have been a good idea to be how ya were for a good long while. But being in a relationship for ~4 years, like that? Well, my point is -- you combine that and no L-word said... you're thinking it's more serious than it really is. Especially when it seriously hits/hurts ya when they bolt "out of nowhere", even though it's not completely out of nowhere if stepping back and looking at the bigger picture and Two Other people are in it.


I don't think I thought it was more serious than she was. I told her we should just be dating casually because she had kids that didn't want anyone new moving in or spending a lot of time there. She was the one that always pushed it to be the boyfriend and girlfriend status. I had the impression that we weren't that serious, but she started getting jealous if I was chatting to women that lived in different continents. Why would she care if she wasn't serious? Was I going to have internet babies with online friends? She never really came out and said it, but the impression I got was that she let her kids walk all over her for quite a while and when they became teenagers she needed help controlling them and left me when she saw I wasn't there to fix the situation. Either way, it was confusing and her lack of communication didn't make things any better. That's probably why she disappeared instead of being mature and dealing with it normally.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 140 (view)
 
why do do many people underestimate their body type
Posted: 8/13/2018 9:25:28 AM

I am not sure if they were exceptions because it was a relatively small sample size. But I would suspect what ssm said about women in msg 134 could be true for men as well. Except for obese men calling themselves "curvy". LOL.


I don't get what's sexy about being curvy. A basketball has curves, one continuous curve.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/12/2018 5:41:25 PM

Don't know who told you that lie but NO they will not.


What makes it a lie? It sounds reasonable.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 137 (view)
 
why do do many people underestimate their body type
Posted: 8/12/2018 5:39:56 PM

Weight is a hot button issue here just as "who pays" is. If we took that away, there wouldn't be anything left to talk about.


Absolutely. The biggest turn off for me ins't a woman having a few extra pounds, it's the terrible attitude some people have. A woman I'm good friends with wanted to start something up with me but she's put on over 100 pounds in the past few years and her attitude is like "I'll always be big, it's genetic, I'm big boned." It's unbelievable how unmotivated some people can be just to be healthy or fit their clothes.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 126 (view)
 
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 8/11/2018 12:22:22 PM

Lots of men at the gym with fat covering muscle, and those that only focus on how their biceps look. I consider athletic to mean you're fit enough to do very physical activities. Doesn't matter if the person carries extra weight. There's something to be said for stamina, something overweight people can have more than a lighter weight person.


It's pretty rare for an overweight person to have more stamina than a light weight person. The ultimate fighting league is a great example. The heavy weight fighters, although being elite athletes burn out quickly and move like sloths by the third round. Light weight fighters can do five rounds at full intensity. You can still be strong when you have fat covering your muscle, but you're far from your peak capability because you have to use a portion of your strength just to move your excess weight.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 193 (view)
 
Why do people ghost/disappear on the people they are dating?
Posted: 8/11/2018 10:15:38 AM

I told him it's not serious enough to be an item. She's not talking to you -- it's a lack of interest. You hit it off on some dates but reality set in that being an item won't work. He was like "Huh? How can you read her mind?" I don't have to. He was ga-ga about her, and couldn't see it clearly. That said, obviously I was right... I brought up that situation the next year and he chuckled and admitted he was clouded about it. Emotion does some odd things.


Absolutely. I've never been in a relationship with someone that actually wanted to be with me and make things work if there was a problem, so I don't have any reference experience. I suppose if you're dating a single mother, the most important thing is having a positive relationship with their kids too. What made my situation difficult was the daughter hating anyone that took her mother's attention away, including her own brother. In my opinion, if people are adults, they should be able to communicate what they're looking for and speak up if what you're giving them isn't what they're looking for. You know, basic honestly and communication.


Today, something was off, but I couldn't figure out what it was when I was checking messages. Then it hit me- he was gone! All his messages, poof! Blocked or deleted, who knows. Guess he didn't want that drink after all, lol! His loss... :-p


That's par for the course on here. I've only had two people not ghost me over the past year and a half.


The ironic thing is some people that complain about being ghosted will do the same thing. I have talked to women that complained about being ghosted on their profile and/or during our conversations. Sometimes we would agree to go out on a date. Yet when I tried to confirm or finalize plans, they suddenly stopped responding.


Absolutely. Many will do that but I never have. I don't believe it's right. It's better just to be straight forward and honest.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 119 (view)
 
why do do many women have body type = thin
Posted: 8/10/2018 11:44:54 AM

Fitness models have overtaken the boney, skinny runway catwalk ladies of New York and Paris for visual star power. You still see the stick figure models, usually perfume and some lines of clothing. But the well proportioned, tone and cut woman is queen. Most people, who look that way, without question, work at it. Unfortunately, with all of us, some have to work harder than others. Body frame, metabolism and genetics all play a role. And...they are not all democratic and fair. The skinny ugly duckling in h/s or college may have discovered yoga twenty years later. The woman fighting weight all her life, does a grilling workout and the 20-something mile marathon but appears (privately) a little ‘chunky.’


Larger people can definitely be strong and fast. It's basically a muscular body covered with fat. I think the big difference is how genetics makes everyone store fat in different locations. Some people are more top heavy and some more bottom heavy simply because of genetics.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/10/2018 10:57:45 AM

Completely agree with everything you've said on this thread, dark n juju.

The only difference for me is that no guys approach me on the streets.


As a man, I can tell you that they definitely want to, but most men won't because they've had bad experiences with rejection in the past.


The problem with women being able to get sex with anyone at any time is that you are then labeled things like sl ut or wh ore if you do. That opens the door for alot of things to happen. YOU are sexually harassed by a man whom you don't want to sleep with at work and EVERYONE thinks about the guy OR guys you slept with then suggest you asked for it or deserved it.


The same thing happens to men. A guy that has some kind of status and has options is labeled a "player" and people see him as someone that uses people even if he's a good person. A guy with money is seen as only attracting gold diggers or buying love from women.


Henry only wants women much younger and cant get them but thankfully some men are mature and look for qualities other than hot sexiness of the young.


Men, in general, are attracted to younger women. It doesn't have anything to do with maturity. It's biological. Why is it better for a man to date someone the exact same age if he's happy dating someone younger and his partner is happy? I agree there are other qualities to look for, but if you're not physically attracted to the person, all you have is friendship.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 10 (view)
 
How many good second dates have you gone on in the past 5 years?
Posted: 8/7/2018 1:10:31 PM
Only had one second date in the past 2 years and she wanted to start a family so I took a pass.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 762 (view)
 
Post your unpopular opinions here.
Posted: 8/6/2018 3:23:50 PM

I see a rise on atheism as a trend from those on the far left, but it's leaking over to more of them. Who chooses religious beliefs from what's trending? I see a lot of profiles that say non-religious. I think partly that men are scared to take a stand for what they believe in thinking play the middle ground to not potentially put off a perspective date. Weenies!


Maybe they're not part of a religious cult but they're spiritual in some way.
 coma_white
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 93 (view)
 
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 8/6/2018 11:53:30 AM

- in this case, she probably is not attracted to him. What nice guys don't understand is, her love level is not yours. He might love her, but she only sees him as a friend, but he can't understand that. He does not see the light. He should only date women who like him, and it's better if they like him first and a lot - that way he has better odds of getting a relationship and not living a quiet life of desperation like he is now.


It sounds like she's only attracted to "bad boys" that treat her like crap. I would just stay away. Run and don't look back.
 
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