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 Author Thread: Calling you Sweetheart or hun or sweetie
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Calling you Sweetheart or hun or sweetie
Posted: 10/29/2013 5:22:22 PM
^ ^ Sorry there, "kiddo" (...lol), but just because something offends you, doesn't mean it necessarily offends everyone else... ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Calling you Sweetheart or hun or sweetie
Posted: 10/29/2013 5:17:33 PM
Yeah, depending on the context, I can see how these kinda names might annoy some folks. But as others have noted, there are a lot of ways to handle it besides expecting everyone else to "mind-read" or share the same standards. Besides, is it reasonable (or even desirable) to expect a genderless social & professional culture?

BTW, since when are we "entitled" to never be "offended"?
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Too Many Responses
Posted: 10/23/2013 4:24:28 PM

Because ... you only need one, and for every woman who finds her one, there is a man who finds his. So, it's all even, in the end.

No offense.... but what exactly the heck does that mean anyway... women should send more emails, men send less, don't bother, what (let alone from someone who still posts their profile on a dating site, even while conspicuously bragging they've found the "one")?!!

Oh yeah, "I'm just here for the forums". Right, and I just read Playboy for the cool articles...!! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Too Many Responses
Posted: 10/23/2013 2:59:38 PM
Nooo...I didn't say anything about fault

Hmm... and 'lawyerly' about it too (oh, be still my heart...lol)!

"But Your Honor, assaulting her wasn't my fault, it was just a matter of 'supply and demand'... she had the 'supply', so I had to 'demand'!"

(rests case...)
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Too Many Responses
Posted: 10/23/2013 2:29:39 PM
So if men stop playing the numbers game.....more women will be forced to initiate.......

(slaps forehead!)... Ah, but of course, it's MEN'S FAULT that women don't take enuff initiative!! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
girls who put 'a few extra pounds' when they arn't
Posted: 10/23/2013 1:29:30 PM
Well Scooter, instead of checking the "body type", you could just look for all the "country" gals! A buddy of mine who hails from the "South", loves southern and C/W women, partly 'cuz they nearly always fall in the BBW or "few extra pounds" categories... which also happen to be his fav types!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Too Many Responses
Posted: 10/23/2013 1:13:55 PM
everyone thinks their expectations are completely realistic. this is why for every determined woman who is waiting stoically for her prince, there are at least 150 guys chasing the same 10 prettiest women within 50 miles of their own throbbing lap.

Most research into online dating shows that's a large part of the problem, is that just like IRL, men still have to take the initiative while women just "pick", which usually results in a few gals receiving the lion's share of the "action".

In fact in some studies, even the least attractive women usually received way more emails than even the most attractive males. And naturally more women taking some "initiative" would easily change that dynamic, but why bother when all 'ya gotta do is sit back and complain about things like the "quality" and receiving "too much" attention (...lol)?!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Question about women who start their profile with an insult
Posted: 10/23/2013 1:02:54 PM
Consider those kinda profiles as your first clue that a lot of folks here really have no serious interest in dating or a relationship to begin with, and are just using it for other stuff, like "venting", "trolling", seeking attention, finding out whether they've still "got it", etc.. Hey, whaddaya expect, it's "free"?! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 747 (view)
 
bald guys
Posted: 10/22/2013 9:59:03 AM
Funny how bald guys have been around for eons, but only lately it's become an "issue". Fer sure there's "Hollywood", but I also wonder how much of it has to do with all the tv ads for places like Bosley and Hairclub for Men, carrying on about "the agony of male pattern baldness"! Geez, and the way some of those tv guys talk about getting bald now, you'd think they're facing cancer!! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 96 (view)
 
Life is less and less worthwhile
Posted: 10/21/2013 3:50:38 PM
"NASA Near-Earth Object program manager Donald Yeomans said there is a 1 in 48,000 chance that the 1,300-foot asteroid will hit Earth when it comes back on Aug. 26, 2032."

Speaking of "depression", I never get how in a time when the answer to almost anything is always right there at the tip of our fingers, we STILL insist on spreading the MOST negative, LEAST accurate and least likely stuff?!

Although, who knows, maybe Obama really is a muslim, alien, socialist Kenyan (with Nazi tendencies...lol)!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 1199 (view)
 
what is everyones opin on tattoos?
Posted: 10/21/2013 3:08:19 PM
Tattoos are pretty mainstream now....

I agree, though it still depends on a lot of things, like social class, edu-macation, local "culture", and income.... just like attitudes re: drinking, debt, smoking, narcotics, poor health choices, risky behavior, etc..... which are also considered "pretty mainstream" (though "successful, prosperous and wise" probably not so much).

And whaddaya bet that even attitudes re: facial tattoos vary a lot, including within tat culture?
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 1196 (view)
 
what is everyones opin on tattoos?
Posted: 10/21/2013 2:15:54 PM
I disagree. Those tats are usually not going to be on their necks or calfs or feet or foreheads..... but they do have them, and in geometrically increasing numbers. My kids are in their early 30's and their peers are professionals. I don't know one of their friends that doesn't have a tat.

So if they're not visible, then how would you know exactly who has one and who doesn't, let alone "where" it's located (unless maybe you moonlight as a corporate tat inspector... lol)? And BTW, if tattoos are really so "well-received" in the business world, then why do most higher end companies usually insist they remain "covered" in the first place (especially my favs, the neck and face, aka, "don't hire me" tattoos)?

Not to mention your infallible logic, that since we can't see underneath the clothes of CEO's, Doctors and other professional folks, then ergo, they must have tattoos... or maybe even even fetish-wear, alien implants, etc.... 'cuz heck, you're right, if you can't see it, then anything's "possible"! BTW, you aren't by any chance one of those "Birther" folks are 'ya...?!! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Life is less and less worthwhile
Posted: 10/20/2013 7:53:29 PM
The OP sounds like they might be experiencing some clinical Depression, along with the arthritis/gout symptoms. And both are very treatable, without being "drugged up". BTW, whenever in a rut, the best advice is to change up something, ANYTHING (location, habits, foods, whatever) to bring a different perspective, which is mostly what it's all about.

And even for the less "dire" situations, it might be helpful to remember the definition of suicide as, "a permanent solution, to a temporary problem."
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 137 (view)
 
mature women with lust based profiles
Posted: 10/20/2013 7:36:09 PM
I have a cleavage shot on my page, and yes I do get horne dogs who hit my page for sex, but I also get men who hit my page because they want to get to know me. So when I get those hits, I just politely delete them and keep it moving. If they think just because my cleavage is out, there going to get sex........well that's just pathetic!!! And what the hell does "being mature" have to do with still feeling sexy?

Yeah, I think some women can pull off a classy shot with a bit of cleavage, without sending the 'wrong message'. But then again, even being dressed like Mother Teresa ain't gonna discourage some of the 'horn dogs', who'd hump anything at the first sign of tits! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 149 (view)
 
Mensa? anyone?
Posted: 10/18/2013 5:29:47 PM
Mensa is more for borderline IQs or people who haven't evolved their social sides enough to use their IQs to "figure out" social situations and learn to maximize enjoyment and be extroverted and actually meet like-minded people in their daily lives. In fact, if they had the jobs they -should- have with the brains they say they have, they would be always surrounded with similar people almost as a default.

No offense, but unless you're a member, then you're talking about an organization you really know nothing about. And unless folks have some "issues" re: their own smarts, I'd hardly dismiss the top 2% of the population as "borderline IQ's". Although as we both agree, working or simply being around "high IQ" folks is no guarantee that their kinda "intelligence" is a compatible fit. And BTW, no matter how 'smart' we are, it's always "relative"!

Actually the only reason I joined many years ago, wasn't to impress folks. It was because at the time I was moving across the country to a city where I hardly knew anyone, and having usually done well on these kinda tests, I figured I could do worse than join a club made up of bright folks, with chapters located all over the world! Although I'll admit, that if you grow up assuming you have certain 'gifts', it does give you pause to suddenly face the prospect they might be tested (...lol)!

BTW, I think you're right about also being able to detect smart folks just from talking to them. And like meeting anyone comfortable with having a particular 'talent' or ability, one of the first clues I notice is they don't have anything to "prove". And they definitely don't start getting either 'defensive', or 'pedantic' about it, if the topic ever comes up.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 1190 (view)
 
what is everyones opin on tattoos?
Posted: 10/18/2013 2:09:24 PM
Tats are todays penny loafers. They have become conventional and people are judged for NOT having one.

Dunno, but that part seems to depend on where you live, class & educational differences, and the kinda culture you relate to. Like Walmart, the Golden Arches, construction, food service, gangs, bikers, 'entertainers', etc.... yeah, 'ya see lotsa tats. While Nordstrom's, Costco, boardrooms, surgeons, rocket scientists, etc.... not so much. Like tastes in cars, food, houses, clothes, speech, grooming, etc., there is no "one size fits all", and one person's "art" might be another's T.T. badge.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Need a little advice.. emotional/verbal abuse?
Posted: 10/18/2013 1:58:22 PM
OMG, complaining about "emotional/verbal abuse", in a "relationship that's not an official relationship", all conducted on Skype between a self-admitted 'alcoholic' and a sometime "student" (aka, 'between jobs').... and each party lives in different flippin' countries yet!!

Geez, ain't modern technology great (LOL)?!!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 145 (view)
 
Mensa? anyone?
Posted: 10/18/2013 1:11:17 PM
^ ^ ^ Well obviously that's the point, that there are lotsa kinds of "intelligence", except that many of the current tests that Mensa recognizes don't measure things like "artistic" or "emotional" intelligence. So with the rise of the computing professions, these days it seems to be getting "over-represented" by the folks who are strong in just the "details" and "computational" end... who often just 'happen' to be aspies. Which is fine, except some of us have wider interests! And BTW, all that's not a particularly new observation, just Google 'Mensa and Aspergers'.

In fact both the Mensa newsletter and the website feature lotsa 'science' and 'information', but are almost conspicuous in their lack of visuals or any other sort of creativity and abstraction. Heck, I've seen Shriners newsletters that are more interesting-looking, although less, um, "informative" (...lol)!

And not to get all over the aspie folks, but from an interpersonal and communication perspective, that's something else they often appear to do, is "pontificate", and make broad unsupported, pronouncements ( kinda like "the highest IQs typically have..."), even as they sorta talk "past" or "at" you. Oh, and while they like to dish it out, it's well-documented that they don't seem to handle disagreement or criticism so well either... all of which makes conversations with 'em kinda 'one-sided'!

BTW, since it is the topic of the OP, I'm curious, are you a Mensa member yourself (or do you just play one on the internet)? ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 143 (view)
 
Mensa? anyone?
Posted: 10/18/2013 10:44:40 AM

Dating prospects in Mensa probably depend on the locale.
30 years ago, the group I was in was younger, more adventuresome.
Now, it seems like a lot of coffee and restaurant meets.
Many of the local men resemble Ted Kaczynski and live in log cabins with no electricity or running water.


Seems like more and more it's also becoming a refuge for hi-IQ Asperger's folks these days.... which is fine if all you wanna do is impress each other with your encyclopedic knowledge of "facts", but not so much if you appreciate the finer points of good conversation, empathy, the arts, literature, abstract ideas, emotional intelligence, etc.!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 102 (view)
 
Do you have a dating philosophy?
Posted: 10/17/2013 4:11:05 PM

I could very well compare it to picking out a car for guys ..
and to 'grocery shopping'?.. if I want to make lasagna, having a basketful of oranges will do me no good.

Ok, I'm fine with that.... so you can take your 'candidates' for a "spin around the block", and I get to "squeeze the produce"! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Do you have a dating philosophy?
Posted: 10/16/2013 10:20:48 PM
^ ^ ^ Maybe not all women, but it's probably true that a lot of 'em approach it like 'grocery shopping'. While doing a plumbing repair for a landlord friend, I once overheard the middle-aged mom and her adult daughter in the next room, obviously looking over the guys on a computer dating site. And dunno that they even read the profiles, but their comments were pretty interesting.... "look at the cheap furniture"... "that one looks like a mama's boy".... "ewww, shave it off!", etc., etc.....!!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Do you have a dating philosophy?
Posted: 10/16/2013 3:45:42 PM
Yeah, my "philosophy" is, if there's ever any doubt about intentions, chemistry, mutual interest, etc..... then there probably ain't that much going on to begin with! 'Cuz when folks are actually attracted to each other, there are seldom many "guessing games"!!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Could some one please answer this
Posted: 10/16/2013 3:25:23 PM
While wanting to meet early, later, whatever is no big deal, it obviously has to match the comfort level of both parties. So in fairness the OP has "TIMID" written all over her profile, which specifically says she's new to dating again and finds the prospect "scary". So perhaps her "suitor" simply didn't pay attention (or even READ) her profile before he made the suggestion!

That said, anyone who only posts a pic of themselves and another of their dog, probably has some other interesting "dating requirements" to begin with...
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Are we really who we think we are?
Posted: 10/14/2013 2:44:24 PM
^ ^ ^ Good point, there's a big difference between folks who are maybe just a little awkward or inexperienced in social situations, especially with strangers.... and the kind who just don't "do" empathy or even close relationships (aka, "it's all about ME")!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Are we really who we think we are?
Posted: 10/14/2013 9:22:35 AM
The thing is, we go into these meets cold - even if we spend time through emails, chat and phone to get to know the person before the meet, nothing prepares us for physical presence.

I think House_Full is spot on, that there's a huge difference between the world of disembodied online dating.... and the "old-fashioned" way, where we at least first get some kinda physical preview "in the flesh", which also brings the rest of us on board (pheromones, our subconscious, eye contact, colors, sounds, etc.).

BTW, IMHO one of the 'dirty little secrets' of online dating, is that the anonymity and lack of accountability actually "attracts" a lot more of the sorta folks who don't handle IRL so well anyway. And not to be unkind, but the fact is that even the most charming person on earth is still gonna feel 'off-balance' whenever they first encounter someone who's kinda "socially challenged" to begin with.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 390 (view)
 
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/14/2013 8:56:21 AM
Personally, I think if one Hates their Ex, that is a little Red Flag. One who says they wished to Kill Their Ex is a huge Red Pendant flying in the Air.....

Yeah, or at least a couple steamer trunks full of unclaimed baggage... along with "just a touch of vengeance"! ;-p




But sticking it out in a relationship that is not good for a person that long doesn't do anyone any favors of any kind either.

Agreed, it's also possible to "stick it out" for all the wrong reasons. I once used to think that any problem could be solved if you just worked hard enuff at it. But sometimes 'ya also gotta recognize "when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em".
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 189 (view)
 
Why is it hard to find an honest man
Posted: 10/11/2013 9:39:41 PM
^ ^ Great point... how many women really want an "honest" answer when they ask stuff like the classic, "does this make me look fat"?!! Oh, and not to mention the perennial attraction of "bad boys" (always good role models for "honesty"...LOL)!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 457 (view)
 
Statements in profiles that make you say NEXT!
Posted: 10/9/2013 10:30:14 PM
Well a 3 divorce parley pays 6-1 , hard to do, odds not in your favor.


Ah, I see you're a gamblin' man (unfortunately not my way in matters of the heart...lol)!!

BTW, had an interesting email this evening from one of those gals who insists on including her adult daughter in all her profile pics. Have never quite figured out what those are all about... whether it's a "package deal", or the daughter is what mom used to look like, or else she just doesn't know how to crop a photo, or...?!!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 264 (view)
 
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 9/19/2013 11:06:31 AM
^ ^ ^ True, there's obviously a big difference between judging the "track record" of someone who's only 25, and one who's 50! But in the absence of putting a hard and fast number on it, surely just commonsense would indicate the "long-term potential" of, say, any middle-aged single who's never had a "steady job" lasting more than a couple years! And don't even get me started re: the chronically "self-employed"! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 262 (view)
 
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 9/19/2013 9:42:48 AM
Does anybody know, or know of any actual "scientific" studies/research that actually states that humans are say like, eagles, where we are suppose to "mate" for life????? I question it, cause I honestly don't believe that "all" humans are generically suppose to "mate" up, well, "forever". Maybe for the "convenience" sakes, but generically???? I honestly don't think so. Not anymore.

Just throwing it out there.

There's kind of a huge gap, wouldn't you say, between the expectation of "mating forever" and just demonstrating the ability to sustain a committed relationship for at least a few years? Heck, even employers look for some sorta "track record", so why would we expect any less of an intimate partner (unless of course we're just not interested in "steady employment" to begin with)?! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 451 (view)
 
Statements in profiles that make you say NEXT!
Posted: 9/18/2013 7:08:40 PM
Actually I'm OK with multiple past relationships, and even multiple divorces, because in a way the marriages show these are folks who don't do things in "half measures" (even if their judgment can be kinda sketchy)! Although a track record with nuthin' but short-term relationships (or marriages)... not good!!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 9/18/2013 12:40:55 PM
I'm kinda struck by how often the OP makes a point of stuff like, "there is not a woman on this planet that could come between (my daughter) and I", or "My daughter comes first, if you ever have had a child you would understand that right?".

I mean folks usually understand all that right from the start about single parents (as often mentioned here by others), so why keep bringing it up, especially in such an adversarial way (unless maybe you still have some larger, unresolved "issues" about past relationships, parenting, control, emotional availability, willingness to bond, ability to see other points of view, etc.)?
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
What did this hug mean?
Posted: 9/18/2013 12:22:01 PM
Go with your gut... if it feels cold and unresponsive, then you have your answer (although accepting it is another thang)!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Red Flags In Emails & Phone Conversation from men
Posted: 9/17/2013 5:27:02 PM
Dunno, but I can see how one woman's "red flag" might be a turn-on for some gals who are attracted to "bad boys". And BTW, wasn't there another thread started here somewhere by a female poster, who pretty much admitted all the obvious red flags she ignored... basically just because he was "cute" and "local" (...lol)!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 120 (view)
 
No, you can't bring a friend.
Posted: 9/17/2013 4:39:40 PM
^ ^ Dontcha luv it when they get kinda evasive and "coy"...?!! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 46 (view)
 
I'm not much for writing about myself....
Posted: 9/15/2013 9:27:10 PM
"I'll write more here later"

And then they never come back to write anything , even after a month. LOL


LOL... yeah, they're kinda like the ones whose half-azz emails often begin or end with something like, "I really don't have time to write because I have to leave for (fill in the blank...)"! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Wearing Jeans on a First Date
Posted: 9/15/2013 9:02:53 PM
WTF in you main photo you are wearing jean. What else would you expect when you've already presented yourself casually this way the very FIRST time any man has seen you?


Very good point, and in fact if you look closely, at least 3 of her profile pics are all in jeans... sheesh! And besides, jeans are such a common part of fashion and everyday life now, that even CEO's like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos all routinely wear jeans, often with a sportjacket. BTW, a purely unscientific observation, and don't mean to be unkind, but IMHO Pisces folks also seem to carry a lot of their opposite sign Virgo ( the polarity of Pisces), which is often noted for being a "perfectionist" and extremely "discriminating" (aka, very "fussy"... sometimes bordering on the "obsessive")! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 115 (view)
 
No, you can't bring a friend.
Posted: 9/15/2013 8:26:44 PM
There are sites that talk about internet dating and bringing a friend is they tell you to do when you first meet someone...for safety.
Many sites also say to do this but the friend be hidden.
Most people are probably fine but then you don't ever meet a bad one...until you do.

Are you serious.... you bring a "hidden friend" along on your dates?!!!

BTW, how far do some folks have to go just to feel "safe", before THEY actually become the problem?
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 447 (view)
 
Statements in profiles that make you say NEXT!
Posted: 9/15/2013 7:59:19 PM
Harley's, it just shows that they really don't know to much about bikes. While I love the sound of a push rod Harley the only one worth the money off the showroom floor is the VRod. The others are 10 years behind. I can't wait until they say Triumph...

Yeah, could be they just don't know anything about bikes, although here in the more "redneck" parts of the Valley it can also mean they're of the hyper-conservative "my-way-or-the-highway" persuasion ("it's gotta be Jee-zus, Harleys, Nascar, 4X4's, and Right Wing politics... or else!"). Kinda the same way that Harley purists don't accept the otherwise cool V-Rod, just 'cuz it was co-designed by Porsche. BTW, IMHO the only thing sounds better than a Triumph is a good ol' Norton Commando, with Dunstall pipes natch'!! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
life goes on after cancer
Posted: 9/2/2013 8:07:13 PM
Great profile, Belle, and as a cancer survivor myself, IMHO, there's no need to even mention it, "nerve damage" or no. Since as 'I travel" says, no one is ever completely "flawless", so you have no obligation either to list all your minor "flaws", at least so early on, unless maybe it's some kinda obvious "disability". Besides, if you correspond before meeting, then you can always bring it up in your emails. Or else wait for a graceful opportunity when you finally meet, and can personally discuss something so important going on in your life right now. And BTW, both email and in person are good opportunities to learn how other folks respond... whether they're caring and supportive of you, uncomfortable, self-centered, whatever. Very Best Wishes!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 442 (view)
 
Statements in profiles that make you say NEXT!
Posted: 9/2/2013 6:51:34 PM
Listing loaded Interests like,"Eating food without poisons in it", or "Intelligent conversations", or "Harleys" (geez, just liking motorcycles isn't enuff, it's gotta be a specific BRAND... lol)?!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 735 (view)
 
bald guys
Posted: 9/1/2013 8:04:20 PM
Yeah, I always feel vaguely embarrassed for the guys who act like, "I shave my head to look cool, not 'cuz I'm balding"! When in a way, it kinda seems like just an opposite version of a "combover" (..lol).

BTW, it's a fact that bald guys usually have higher levels of testosterone (although sometimes not so sure about the balding geezers with a ponytail)! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 440 (view)
 
Statements in profiles that make you say NEXT!
Posted: 8/30/2013 4:10:06 PM
"Make me laugh."

Hey, that's not a personality preference, it's a job requirement!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 94 (view)
 
No, you can't bring a friend.
Posted: 8/30/2013 3:46:15 PM
The "bringing a pal" thang is also just immature and indicates they don't trust their own judgment, and can't make decisions on their own. As a landlord have also noticed an increase in these kinda "let me first check with my buddy, posse, mom, dog, whatever" types among rental applicants, especially among certain age groups, and I try to avoid 'em like the plague. It's already enuff trouble dealing with one-on-one relationships, without turning everything into a de facto "committee meeting" (...lol)!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 83 (view)
 
My Boyfriend's Dog
Posted: 7/4/2013 1:35:56 PM
Anyone who allows their pet to decide their human relationships to begin with, obviously has a few problems with ''boundaries'' and ''attachment'' (among other issues). So my attitude with the ''pet obsessed'' is, if an animal is their idea of a ''best friend'', then either they need to RAISE THE BAR on their definition of a ''relationship''... or else I really gotta LOWER mine (...lol)!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
I need a good divorce attorney in Los Angeles. Any Help?
Posted: 5/5/2013 12:56:15 PM
It's sorta like that Rod Stewart line.... ''next time instead of getting married, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house!''
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 96 (view)
 
Folks and their lists.
Posted: 5/5/2013 7:14:11 AM
Long "shopping lists" and being overly "picky" are how some folks hide the fact (usually from themselves) that they're either emotionally unavailable, not that interested, or else they can't afford it to begin with.

Kinda like the neighbor who nitpicks your new car, even though he's unemployed, drives a beater, and thinks a 'tranny' is a female impersonator! ;-p
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Women who take the initiative...
Posted: 5/4/2013 9:58:51 PM
I keep hearing some men whine about how women never make the first move. So once again I find myself a bit curious...

Do you really want a woman who is going to singlehandedly drive the bus in a relationship? What if women who make the first move, then go on to propose? How will you feel about that? Would that be acceptable?

Or are you just too lazy to make the first move and want to sit around and wait, so you don't have to ever be rejected?

Guess I don't understand why it's ever an issue to begin with, unless maybe some folks have certain "expectations" re: gender "roles". I mean regardless whether you're a a man or a woman, if you're actually interested in someone, then fer godssakes, why not just say ''Hi'' and introduce yourself (and why do we even need to have these unspoken "rules" ... duh)?!!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Caught off guard by a Narcissist
Posted: 5/1/2013 5:42:29 PM
I just wanted to ask, mostly the ladies, if you have dated someone you met on this site and realize that they had a severe personality disorder? I ask because I had never met anyone like this prior to this person, and came to find that he was a narcissist.


Not that I doubt your analysis, but would be curious how you came to be aware of the subject of Narcissism or personality disorders in the first place. Did you read a book, or an article on the subject, which BTW, seems to be a very popular topic these days in certain circles? Also some common Aspergers traits (like being empathy-challenged) are often confused with Narcissism.

That said, I personally don't consider psychological terms to be the sole domain of the mental health professions, which as we all know, can be just as fallible as anyone else! And BTW, this is said from the experience of someone who (unknown at the time) lived for 12 years with an NPD/BPD woman (eventually clinically diagnosed), but which was only discovered after we went thru 7 successive, and very pricey, marriage counselors... with not a one of them ever suggesting even the possibility of mental health issues for either of us! Finally the 8th one suggested we take some tests, which referred us to a professional psychiatrist, who eventually formally diagnosed my ex-wife with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), co-morbid with symptoms of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

BTW, although NPD is thought to occur more frequently in males, there are a lot of folks who feel that BPD is simply the female version of NPD. In any case, I finally left not because of the diagnosis, but because it was clear she didn't want to seek any treatment or even acknowledge she had a problem. And NPD/BPD folks always famously deny any sort of accountability anyway, even when you have them dead-to-rights, because it's ALWAYS someone else's fault.... just like the CIA motto, “Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter-accusations” (...LOL)!

Incidentally, my own “takeaway” from the whole experience, and from having lived intimately with one, is that Narcissism is a sort of “spectrum” disorder, and that someone doesn't have to be a full-tilt, clinically-diagnosed NPD or BPD to still have enough symptoms to watch out for. And they're really not difficult to notice... yes, there's a certain charm and the ability to be whatever they think you want them to be, that naturally can be very attractive. But if you're paying attention, in very short order they also tend to control the conversation (which is always 'all about them'), they tend to act like they're ''special'' and ''entitled'', and they will often 'test your boundaries' with odd comments and behaviors. So bottom line is, that if the world is indeed a ''jungle'' out there, then Narcissists have simply become a surprisingly common modern-day ''predator'' to be aware of these days. And BTW, for all the self-help books now that "demonize" these kinda folks (who never really chose to be what they are), remember that it always still takes "two to tango"!

Oh, and one more passing thought... IMHO, the internet and online dating sites in particular (where you can be whatever you wanna be, and there's no accountability) are just chock-a-block full of 'em... although fortunately they're also easy to spot!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Attention Ladies: Define “Real Man”
Posted: 2/3/2013 9:28:10 PM
Real man...makes me feel protected and loved. He takes care of his family -- financially and physically.

Sounds like a recipe for a Sugar Daddy Lite.

BTW, how do gals feel if a guy said he's looking for a REAL woman (and what do you think that means these days)...?
 
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