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 Author Thread: Once again, friends first equals friends only
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Once again, friends first equals friends only
Posted: 2/21/2012 2:05:35 PM
Thanks for the responces. I read them carefully. Friendships ARE valuable and important. In this case, I know that without ending it, I am going to continue to want her to be my lover/best friend, and no one else.......so it is better for me to walk away at this point.
Sour grapes may be appropiate, but I think (looking back) I was more of a friend than she was anyway. Just bogged down with the lonliness sometimes, ya know?
Gawd, now I am whining!
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Once again, friends first equals friends only
Posted: 2/19/2012 12:24:32 PM
Again, a friendship blooms, after several months, I start to fall in love, and she treats me as if I am a leper. At my age, I no longer expect anything different, however, unlike past experiences, this woman has been very sexually active her whole life....except I apparantly repulse her.
Back to my cave. Does any male still believe in "friends first?"
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Being unemployed and trying to date......
Posted: 1/9/2010 11:00:24 AM
Security is never guaranteed.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
what was the final straw that made you not want to be with that person , small or large
Posted: 1/9/2010 10:38:16 AM
When she spent a whole day criticizing me.....to my teenage daughter who then joined in against me.
GAME OVER
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Breakup because of intimacy problems
Posted: 1/9/2010 10:35:49 AM
Maybe next time she will say you are butt ugly
then the next time she will say she would rather screw a flesh eating zombie.
You are her enabler.
She will hurt you (subconsciously perhaps) until you can take no more, and it will take you a decade before you can date again.
No woman is worth this.
NO WOMAN
Let her straighten herself out alone.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Being unemployed and trying to date......
Posted: 1/9/2010 10:28:40 AM
Getting laid is NEVER that far down on the list. Ever watch those "hobo sex" movies? I bet they are happier than a lot of people with jobs!

Maslow ain't all that!

Another huge difference between men and women.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
maybe someone out there has an better idea of why
Posted: 1/9/2010 10:25:37 AM
Maybe he was pissed because he had to work so hard for it!
I really don't need someone telling me she is not attracted to me. I assume that from the start LOL
Ladies, if you tell a guy you are not attracted to him and he hangs around, don't EVER sleep with him. Period. It is just to prove to himself that he COULD.
Now conversely, how many guys tell a woman that they are not attractive to them?
That is MEAN!
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
The we can be friends thing, ugh!
Posted: 12/15/2009 9:05:16 AM
If you feel it is the dump line, say NOPE I DO NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS.
Problem solved....call her on it......let her know that you think she is full of it.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN
Posted: 12/15/2009 9:02:33 AM
Did you mention this to the guy?
Does he even know how you feel?
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
So much in common
Posted: 12/15/2009 8:51:42 AM
Do like the commercial.....walk over to his place at three in the morning and ask to borrow a dose of Nyquil. Bingo, you met!
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
When is keeping your a$$ in line not controlling?
Posted: 12/15/2009 8:41:26 AM
You are missing him??????????????????
Wow! Holy sh!t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a scary guy........do not miss him.....go with your gut!
You are NOT overanalyzing, okay?
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
What does a guy do that's in his 30's and looking for a relationship but not well off?
Posted: 12/15/2009 8:31:00 AM
They don't all feel that way.....you really know that don't you?
Everyone has something to offer.....find out what you do have to offer, and stress it.
Not wanting to be alone is a terrible reason to start a relationship.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 36 (view)
 
I love you.. But I'm not IN love with you
Posted: 12/15/2009 8:27:51 AM
Keep seeing him until you find someone else who gives you what you want. Obviously he is a good friend and lover, so don't break it off. Why be lonely? Lonely sucks.
When you find the right one, cut out the sex but keep the friend in the guy you are seeing now.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Can anyone advise on this?
Posted: 11/23/2009 11:56:03 AM
I agree with message number eight.
He met someone else the weekend you could not see him.
It was not the sex, though many of the sexaphobics here like to think it is.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
What went wrong
Posted: 11/23/2009 11:47:49 AM
Maybe he is looking for the one in a million type.....women do that too.....and they will always be disappointed..........
they never find what they want and if they do.....the other does not want them!!!
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
when someone of age hasn't had a relationship
Posted: 11/23/2009 11:36:55 AM
Sorry Helen, but the whole thing reeks of prejudice. It is common here. Many women my age (fifties) won't date a guy who never married.
Maybe the late blooming guys and women only met lousy people.......

That said, they may be following their own drummers, instead of having something "wrong with them"..........either way, it is not good for someone wanting a relationship with them.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/23/2009 11:30:01 AM
The whole 5 and ten year contract thing is a terrible idea.
Imagine the pressure to re-enlist!
Does this contract contain a non performance clause pertaining to sex?

By the way, by definition, lawyers and bankers ALL live in sin, even the ones who live alone.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 81 (view)
 
The 'I LOVE YOU' Bomb...
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:38:29 PM
I would think my next move as a guy would be to say "Well, then why are you going out with me?" Cuz I would know why I am going out with her.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 63 (view)
 
celibacy in late life
Posted: 8/28/2009 3:45:23 AM
Who really believes that a man would rather "think about new tools" than go on a date?

I have a question...a serious one for catsmeoww (whom I respect) and others.....What does "abstaining from sex" have to do with "finding yourself"?
In times of not having a partner I am way too frustrated to "find myself"......I don't even want to be around myself!
I will take sex over finding myself every day!
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Did you think life would be like this at 50?
Posted: 8/26/2009 4:22:22 PM
I did not expect to be this alone......but really, I am at fault.
Kind of sad. But I adjust to it.
Can't wait till I can retire though. And having no one else to support is a good thing.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
celibacy in late life
Posted: 8/26/2009 4:12:28 PM
Okay, you asked..................

Because we may die real soon. That is why. And I have not had enough!!!!!

A.S. is.....yes, you could!

I mean, won't we be in depends soon enough?
To me cherishing celibacy is like cherishing poverty and bad health!
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 83 (view)
 
If we are all all that why are we alone?
Posted: 8/26/2009 3:51:32 AM
Maybe we all love ourselves too much.......or maybe we are afraid of being happy with someone else.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
What do you do in this situation.. Curious what people think
Posted: 8/26/2009 3:48:35 AM
You are hereby ordered to stop liking her right now!
Poor guy who winds up with her one day.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 185 (view)
 
Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/26/2009 3:43:29 AM
Ya know, even if the equipment were to stop working, there still is a working mouth and hands!!!!! Sorry to be so gross, but come on already! It is just selfishness, plain and simple whether you are male or female! Or had your mouth sewn shut or your hands lost in an accident.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
First sexual encounter with a new mate
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:27:52 AM

As a general policy, I won't have sex with any woman that won't talk about it.


This is the most unbelievable quote of the day! Dude, your membership in the Man Club is suspended for ten days!
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 115 (view)
 
What do you think? Is this Selfishness or Not Settling?
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:33:38 PM

I'm not under any cloud of "what shall I do with my life?"..............But those who know me, knew all along that I would never give a rat's ass what any of you said, I'd do as I pleased.


GSB, one thing.....you state that everything you said is fact......it seems so completely out of character for you to allow yourself to be treated as poorly as you have by the 32 year old guy you now have in your life. That story about last Christmas shows uncalled for behavior on his part.....and now it is seven and a half months later and you STILL HAVE NOT REMOVED HIM FROM YOUR LIFE? Or have you, and I missed that part? This thread is so long......that is a genuine question.
You state that the sex with him is not of interest to you, he has been in jail, he is a mooch and he has been on bad behavior with you.

Are you sure you are doing what pleases you by not ending it? That there isn't some cloud of confusion over things? You know, it is all right to admit some indecisiveness at times. It is not a sign of weakness, it is a part of being human.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 38 (view)
 
can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/8/2009 3:18:50 PM
The "pregnancy" to this point is just a theory of posters, OP did NOT say that.

OP, he is displaying signs of anger, which I can only assume is about getting married.
His not telling anyone of the upcoming marriage must be painful and I feel badly for that.
I would advise definitly do not marry and even go separate ways...do you always want to be this unhappy?
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Why do some men think we'll believe anything?
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:35:06 PM
Why they did not call? Why they were late? Why they did not bring flowers?
Why they were in jail five years ago?
Dates are trying to impress you, they often embellish the truth.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
wake up call
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:30:54 PM
Did you just say he had taken his wife to dinner? He is married?
Even assuming you meant
"ex-wife"
I can't believe you put up with this as long as you have.
Have you actually ended it?
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
PAST LOVE
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:18:05 PM
The "why" for me always has to do with when I see no possibility of a relationship anywhere on the horizon.
I think of one lady I loved.....If only she hadn't dumped me I would not be lonely, etc.
I think it happens on the nights of feeling lonely and hopeless.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
**Men I Need Your Honest Opinion(Please&Thank You:)
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:07:43 PM
message 15....that is the most insensitive, sick post I have read here.

OP, like Mahogany and Juliet both mentioned, I can't imagine you being over the grieving period yet....especially since you are so active in your life. I know that it feels easier being busy, but grief is a work in progress and if you try to work around it, no progress is made. Monitor yourself to know how much you can and can not handle.
Do you really want to meet someone who might not call back when he said he would or
tries to score on the first date.....that stuff is tough enough in average times, you don't really need that now, do you?
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 83 (view)
 
What do you think? Is this Selfishness or Not Settling?
Posted: 8/6/2009 4:33:22 PM
GSB, as rune3 mentioned the man you chose to marry was not the man you divorced.
You really have chosen only one weak man. After years of abstinence(see, I keep telling everyone that is a bad idea) the cougar in you came out. And you made a lousy choice.
But what choice do you have? You are not in the thriving hot culture spots such as NY or LA. And you are, for better or worse, unique. You require an energetic, sharp man to keep up with you.
You certainly were less selfish in breaking up with him than he was throughout the relationship.
I know some of your posts can be harsh, but I have always seen you as a "tough love" kind of person. Trying to shake some sense into people which is a good thing sometimes.
My guess is since you don't want to move out of state, you would be best off trying to find someone to stimulate your mind and forcing him to get off the couch and not to take naps.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
The Love of My Life ......married with incurable cancer
Posted: 8/5/2009 6:47:56 PM
Karen, maybe no one knows about you, his brothers, sisters, etc and he would not want his legacy with them to be that of an unfaithful spouse, no matter how much of a
"witch" she is.
I know that is painful to read, I don't mean it to be.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
How far should you go once it gets to the bedroom?
Posted: 8/5/2009 6:05:30 PM
Since everyone talks about test driving a car before buying it, the analogy would go like this......I would suppose that after the first experience, I would understand how all the standard features work and what they have to offer. With each ride in the future, I would be checking out the options.
But I would expect the woman to show me the level of comfort and style she gets me to where I am going the very first night.
I had better get to the body shop. My paint is starting to fade. And my tailpipe shakes and rattles.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Apart from POF forum, who do you turn to for relationship therapy?
Posted: 8/5/2009 1:58:42 PM
I go to the local Friendly's reataurant and get the five scoop Jim Dandy sundae.
Calories are my therapy.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Can Somone Tell Me What is Happening???
Posted: 8/5/2009 1:51:56 PM
My first impression is that he is having a hard time making the transistion from masturbating in front of a computer to real life sex.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Will You Survive The Global (panic) Depression ?
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:51:26 PM
It may be more than a financial crisis. It could be a food crisis as well.
Yes, being in foreign monies, gold or land could help. Or could not.
Civil unrest would lead to death and destruction.
Or none of this could come to pass. It could just be a long slide into quasi-poverty for most people.

Now, if you could borrow lots of money and buy land, gold, etc......when the dollar crashes you could pay off the debt with cheap dollars.....do you have that much faith in it crashing to do that?
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 119 (view)
 
Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:34:59 PM
So women think that the guy won't appreciate it, so they won't even try.

Romance is dead.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 64 (view)
 
What would you do if your daughter was being abused by her boyfriend?
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:27:24 PM

If I had a daughter and she was being abused by a guy? No problemo. I'd have a "talk" with the guy. If he ever laid a finger on her again...he would be very sorry.


Sorry, Wyatt, but I would skip that whole scenario and insist to my DAUGHTER that she leave. I don't feel like giving him another chance. I would not be interested in him at all, and that would include if he was the father of my grandchildren. In fact, more so if there were grandchildren.

One man said he is taking martial arts training because he gets into fights in the neighborhood. WHY NOT MOVE OUT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD? I am not trying to be funny, I am serious......that is as bad as a woman staying with an abuser. It is obvious that the neighborhood sucks, leave it!

And to the fathers saying they would kill the guy, great, by the time you get sentenced, your daughter will be shacking up with yet another abuser.
Get your daughter out and get her help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Need advice for my sister....
Posted: 8/4/2009 1:33:50 PM
msg 37 Motown cowgirl got as close to what I am feeling as any responce here.

OP, I looked up your profile to see what state you were in, California, lots of people, I would be fixing her up with others, but I am a busybody.
Why would she want to marry this guy? I agree with posters that say marriage is just a goal to her, and love has been forgotten.
My daughter dates a guy I have come to dislike. When she starts to complain, I always listen carefully. When she finishes, I always ask, "What is it you like about this guy again?" Always silence. One day, she will understand the silence enough to dump him.
When you sister goes on about it, you should ask the same thing.....she is truly doing this to herself.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Are all women nuts?/Where are all the good ones at?
Posted: 8/4/2009 4:46:18 AM
Every wise woman buildeth her house, but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands....


or fukketh it down with her p%$$y!

Sorry OP but look at the bright side. You are not rushing into a third marriage with the women you meet now who are acting crazy.
Jessica and Lori are sexy names. You might want to look for women named Madge, Bea, Gerty, Sally, Wanda.....


in my bed with a civilian

You had separate beds? Would you have felt better if it was an army buddy?

Okay, seriously, what the others said. You are a hard working guy with morals and standards and maybe you are a bit serious (military/security can do that) seeking a woman in an age group where they might be thinking kids or already have some.
Don't get involved with any woman who finds it impossible to express herself to you, find one who can talk the quiet, serious talk, who isn't
girl's just wanna have fun material......have patience, one good thing is that guys your age OVERLOOK these good women, keep your eyes out for one and you shall find.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Words To Make You Smile
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:41:36 PM
toonice
you will feel that way again
you are young and like quotes and poetry and music
so for sure, you will love again
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
(Acceptable) Insidious Insults and Double Standards
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:35:52 PM
I think I called someone a moron once. But I know the person was not truly mentally incapacitated, it is just he or she should know better, or not advance a destructive idea, etc.
In short, I don't connect the word with the mentally disabled. I connect it with people who are not thinking rationally, for whatever reason. And they are usually posting in a belligerent manner.
OP, your point is well made and I do see it.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
men looking to date someone with money
Posted: 8/3/2009 3:55:38 PM
and the world won't change. So what can a person do? Look for the red flags and believe that you are good enough that you should not need to "buy" someone to spend time with you.
I am sure that if the OP knew what the man was capable of, she would not have introduced the two people.

BTW, OP, off target, off theme, but your profile was a bit hard to read. I mean, I am 200 pounds and a bit sensitive about it, not quite "pregnant" but even if I was 180, that was tough to read without feeling a bit attacked.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Butterfly flew away
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:43:29 PM
OP, sorry you lost the one you love.
But in honest evaluation, it sounds as if you were on pins and needles the whole time, that you never relaxed and enjoyed it. Maybe one day she will give it another chance.
Have you learned how to approach it differently?
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
It was my fault, but I want him back.
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:31:55 PM

we went to my exs house that we haven't actually got along with for like a year, we went there to get drunk


Another thing I don't get, Stacey.....you are not getting along for a year and you go there to drink?
As another poster said, you need to step back, get your head together and your boyfriend will appreciate that more than anything....but it is a lot of work.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
He Doesnt Have Alot of Time Anymore
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:32:48 AM
As you said, six months is long enough to know it is growing and should continue to grow......and yet it is not.....you are right to be concerned. Also, it is not unreasonable to want to be "somewhat of a priority" so don't feel bad about that.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:26:06 AM

If you're not happy try to fix the relationship, or simply end it and move on without hurting your partner.


Oh sure. That does not hurt AT ALL!!!!!

Why do people think that when someones leaves because they want sex with someone else, it is noble and painless?
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:18:17 AM

These other jerks aren't worth the STD's that will hopefully fester and help you learn a lesson.


HOPEFULLY FESTER?
There you have it folks, the Christian loving thought of the day!!!!
"I am so wonderful and anyone who has sex should DIE A MISERABLE , PAINFUL AND LONELY DEATH!"
That last statement I just made up....no one said that, just implied it.

A plague upon everyone who lives in a way I don't want them to!
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
if u don't love me why not leave me why stay and hurt me
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:39:58 AM
OP, what are you "missing" when yousize these guys up?
There must be SOME red flags that you are overlooking or ignoring.
Maybe you need to be more critical and strict in the beginning in regards to how you assess them?

I really hate saying that because I adore trusting souls but it sounds as if you need to watch them more closely in the beginning.
 
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