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 Author Thread: Bread
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Bread
Posted: 4/27/2010 6:42:03 AM
I was taught to leave the crusts because my mom always made breadcrumbs out of them. To this day I at least reach past the crust. *laughs*
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Botox and other less invasive procedures
Posted: 4/26/2010 11:33:03 AM
I would not consider botox because it is not permanent and could, potentially, start a dangerous addiction, especially as young as I am. If I started botox now, knowing, if I am lucky, it may last a year, I would need to be willing to "update" the procedure in as little as 3 months.

I also realize the botox/procedure could actually do more damage to my face than letting the lines form naturally.

I think we have become an incredibly vain society when we feel we need to get a major procedure done as a preventative measure for an "issue" that may never BE a problem. This is kind of like cutting off your breasts because you MAY get breast cancer (extreme example, I know.)

I believe there are other preventions which would be better suited to the potential problem at hand.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Blacked out for no reason - scaredddddd.
Posted: 4/1/2010 11:57:45 AM
Vertigo is actually quite common in thirty-something women. I had a constant dizzy spell for 24+ hours and went to the doctor immediately. There is medication for it but the headaches it caused were worse than the dizzy spells (for me anyway.) It lasted about a week or so.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How Do People Change?
Posted: 3/24/2010 12:39:55 PM

is there anyone out there that used to be like insanely jealous that was able to work through that and not be a jealous person in the future?

I am a jealous person. Horribly. I admit it and have taken responsibility for it. I understand my jealousy is MY issue, not my partner's so I try very hard not to project it onto my partner. If he exhibits any 'suspect' behaviour, I ask. I do not accuse, I do not condemn, I do not fight, I just ask. I have learned not to ask any questions I do not want to know truthful answers to. I also look within to ask myself why I am questioning his behaviour, what fear or insecurity *I* have, in that moment, I need to pay attention to.


I realized years after that marriage ended that the really jealous people are often getting away with their own infidelities, and that makes them insecure about their partner. Betrayal breeds mistrust.

I do not agree with this statement. I know where my jealousy/insecurity stems from and it's not infidelity. If he is going to cheat on me it is his problem/issue, not mine and I refuse to make it mine.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What do you call the in-laws after the marriage?
Posted: 3/22/2010 9:27:18 AM
I called my in-laws Mr. & Mrs. So&so right up until the day they died. I had never been introduced to them in any other way. I was never told to call them by any other name. They died 15 years into my relationship.

It's up to the in-laws as to how they are addressed.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What do you still do?
Posted: 3/9/2010 10:22:50 AM
I move... all the time... I am your hyper-active little kid who just cannot sit still! Used to make my mom sea-sick because I would sit in the rocking chair and rock so fast it was like I was prepping for take off (as an adult.)
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Help
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:26:02 AM
I 'faked it til I made it'.

After years of doing this consistently I got to a point where I was actually high on life. Now, that high comes and goes but I went, in stages, from massive depression and near suicidal to being the most content person I know.

If we smile enough, eventually that smile becomes genuine and natural.

I found a gratitude journal and board help as well.

Good luck!
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Aren't some people just too happy?
Posted: 2/26/2010 6:52:21 AM
Please don't tell my husband...

 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Never drank, never smoked, still a virgin...am i missing out on life?
Posted: 2/11/2010 7:18:59 AM

You are only missing out if you feel like you are.

Bears repeating... again.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Decide to be less difficult
Posted: 2/10/2010 12:58:43 PM
My point is that one must decide to act differently

That is very true.


I'm hpoing to get through to her on this point

You cannot. You can talk until you are blue and there is no air left in your lungs you cannot change someone's behaviour.

People are excellent at saying things like, "Yes Dear, I want this to work, I will do anything to make it work. I will change." I don't know how many times I have heard, "I will try..." but as was clearly pointed out to me recently, when people say they will "try" they have already decided they will not.

We cannot change someone, we just need to learn to accept him/her as s/he is or move on.

Edit: If she cannot accept you as you are, is she worth it?

Good luck.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
ChaLean Extreme
Posted: 2/9/2010 8:44:40 AM
I am currently doing this program. I am not very far into it but I can totally see how it works and have seen an improvement.

I do not do gyms so I look for quality workouts I can do at home and I like Chalene because she is high-energy and that radiates through.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Separation to Reconciliation the time in between was?
Posted: 2/3/2010 9:42:39 AM

I would count from the beginning, from the original start of the relationship. The preceeding years are still part of the history of relationship, even if there was a break in the relationship. But it's awkward to account for the "missing" years.


My husband counts the entire relationship. Like the above quote mentions, the separation counts because it is part of the history.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Owning one's anger
Posted: 2/3/2010 9:35:34 AM
I guess my question would be, why do you need to own her issue(s)? This is who she is, why can you not accept it and leave it. If she is angry, it's not up to you to "encourage" her to own or release it. Either she will deal with it or she won't.

While this situation does not make having a life easy, just because you deal with things differently than her, does not make her way wrong (at least for her.) It is entirely possible she has been "taught" expressing anger is inappropriate or will not be listened to.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 157 (view)
 
pre nups
Posted: 1/8/2010 12:46:14 PM
According to a lawyer I took classes from a few years ago, a pre-nup is an easily overturned document, especially when it is extremely one-sided. While you men think is it covering your a$$ets, in reality, the longer you are with your partner/wife, the easier it is to overturn it and it essentially becomes a useless piece of paper.

I would sign one, very easily... matter of fact, I would want to be included in the creation to ensure it is less likely to be contested. I wouldn't want YOU walking away from the three items I actually call mine! *grins*
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Tough economic times
Posted: 11/13/2009 10:47:26 AM

Has your office gone through lay offs or cut backs yet?

Anybody that made over $50000 had to take a wage rollback. One year ago we had over 450 employees working and this year we have less than 200 and easily 25% of those are on a leave of absence pending work.

I have a keyboard and a guitar and my daughter sings... need more members in that band you are forming?
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
(M)anorexia? Who'd have thunk?
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:45:58 AM

Men did NOT obsess about their weight to the point they'd starve themselves, or perform the "binge and purge" routine.

BDJ... the above statement is not true, it just has not been brought to light in your world until now. I was in school the same time you were in a town a couple hours north of your current location and I knew guys who were doing this. While it's not nearly as in the open as the women doing it, it is, and always has been happening.


And get real...the ONLY thing that will prevent a man from getting help is himself.

This is true for everyone, not just men. I believe it is our ego that prevents us from getting the help we need.


Who dropped the friggin ball? Parents. That's who.

In this, BDJ, I completely agree. I have two children (boy 16, girl 18), and despite the fact that both parents have weight problems, neither of my children have weight issues NOR body image issues. My children are active and did not spend their childhood in front of TV, video games, or computers.

If I could repeat back what I am reading in your posts, BDJ, I am reading that you feel/believe the lines between woman and man have become so blurry there is almost no distinction anymore.

It is rare to find a feminine woman and a masculine man these days. Women have taken the "bra-burning" to such an extreme the men have become emasculated. At least that's MY opinion.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Second chances?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:19:29 AM

For those of you who give second chances, why?

When my husband left I was determined I was going to move on and enjoy single life. There was no abuse or cheating involved, he just wasn't happy and I wasn't willing to live, essentially, as roommates.

So I mourned the loss, casually dated a few people, got over my anger towards him, and started moving on. We waited the year's separation then met to discuss the details for the divorce. Three days before I was going to file the papers, I get a note from him saying he wanted to talk about trying again.

I spent a lot of time thinking about and reflecting on his note and our history. We had been together for 11 years and we had way more good than bad in those years. We were young and had no idea how to have a relationship.

In our talk, we realized some of our relationship shortcomings. We decided we would date for a while and see how things went. A year later we got a place together. We definitely have problems but now we can actually talk about them without getting angry and without necessarily finding a solution.

Why did I give him a second chance? Because I realized my issues with him were just that... MINE. I knew I needed to learn to accept him for who he is and not for the man I wanted him to be. I was also not willing to walk away from my marriage without giving it every last possible effort.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Tubal Litigation Stories
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:12:48 PM

I am wondering about things like pain afterwards

Keeping in mind, this is an invasive surgery, so there will be pain but tylenol should be able to ease it. A couple days of rest and you should be okay on light duties.


how long until sex was normal

For most surgeries, it takes six to eight weeks to heal properly. You can start with sex as soon as you feel comfortable, but I wouldn't get aggressive or rough for about two months or so.

Your body will tell you what is okay and what is not.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Tubal Litigation Stories
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:06:49 PM
I had my tubes clamped (as opposed to cutting and tying) 16 years ago and I have had zero issues, zero pregnancy scares, and zero regrets. I was informed at the time this was more effective than the actual cutting.

I did not have hair loss. Actually, as I age, my hair is thickening. My monthly cycle is regular and I have less pain/PMS than I did prior.

I have two 1/2 inch long scars, one at my belly button and one at the top of the pubic bone. I was in and out in a day. I rested for a couple of days... as much as I could with an infant.

I did not get mine done when I had my child, it was done at a later date. I have never had a c-section.

I know many people who have had this procedure, and I have heard of no complaints. I have heard of many cases of women who had their tubes cut, tied, and cauterized only to find, in time, their tubes untied and reattached causing pregnancy.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
And what was your part in it?
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:32:52 AM
Lack of understanding.

I did not understand that he thinks differently than I do. I did not understand that what he wanted out of a relationship was different that what I thought I needed. I did not understand that he needed "quiet time".

I let myself go while focusing on my issues instead of fostering our relationship. I encouraged him to get a night job so we didn't have to pay for childcare then I blamed him for my being almost a single parent. I tried to mold him into who I wanted him to be instead of allowing him to be himself and accepting him for who he is.

Essentially, I did not understand that a relationship is about two people coming together to share a life, not about getting needs met. I wanted him to make me happy instead of looking within.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
I need some advice from survivors of childhood abuse for better relationship with guys
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:28:25 AM
I completely agree with XOthermic and BDJ and I have witnessed the negative they are speaking of and lived the positive.

We are only survivors if we can move on from it. If we are dwelling in our abusive past, we have not survived it because we are still living it.

It takes hard work to move beyond it and few, especially for those who thrive on drama, are willing to put the effort in to doing so. It's a convenient excuse to blame our present, attitude, behaviour, etc. on our past abuses.

We are all, in some way or another, victims of circumstances... it is our choice as to whether or not we are victims in life.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Who's hot ?
Posted: 10/13/2009 11:59:37 AM
Men:
Viggo Mortensen
Gerard Butler
My husband

Women:
Shania Twain
Bar Rafaeli
Faith Hill
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Songs that reflect YOU to the opposite sex
Posted: 10/13/2009 11:55:28 AM
While I can find similarities to myself in many of the above songs, the one that reflects me so well (and I am VERY surprised no one posted it as yet) is B!tch by Meredith Brooks.

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel
underneath
innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
all rolled into one

Chorus:
I'm a b!tch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
and I'm going to extremes
tomorrow I will change
and today won't mean a thing

Chorus

Just when you think you've got me figured out
the season's already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
and don't try to save me

Chorus

I'm a b!tch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
when you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numbed, I'm revived
can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Victimhood
Posted: 10/13/2009 9:00:07 AM

We've all had bad experiences... it's a fact of life. And in mine, I was a participant, not a victim.

Exactly.

In my experience, victims blame their "issues" on circumstances instead of realizing they put themselves in those circumstances. They also tend to thrive on the drama. It garners them attention and victims are nothing if not attention-seekers.

I have found, those who live in the past tend to have lower self-esteem. If we live in the present, we cannot help but have self-confidence because we are ever looking inward and onward; hence, when we get to the point of being confident in ourselves, we usually no longer attract that which is not good for us.

PO:)
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Should I move on?
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:03:15 AM
The odds are good the entire span of your relationship will be like this. If this is a chance you are willing to take, go for it.

You are nearing 50 and she has an adult child, so I will assume she is well into adulthood. One would think she has figured out how to deal with and compensate for her mental illness by now.

Some people thrive on the roller coaster ride they choose to make life into, mental illness or not.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Bie Or Gay
Posted: 8/18/2009 6:48:07 AM
Bottom line is, we were put on this earth to be happy and experience life. If you cannot be happy where you currently are, you need to figure out what you need to do to be happy.

Please keep in mind, happiness comes from within. No one can cause you to feel good or bad unless you let them.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Chemotherapy and relationships
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:00:57 AM
I have to agree with Gone Sailing.

People react proportionate to their personality. If a person is quiet, s/he will react quietly. If a person is optimistic s/he will react optimistically. If a person is a victim, s/he will act as a victim. And so on.

From what I read of Gone's and Out's posts, this behaviour was not shocking although the extreme she took it may have been.

I cannot tell you how I would react as I have never been in that situation.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Bachelor parties...Do you have a problem with them.
Posted: 8/10/2009 2:39:03 PM

Bachelor parties...Do you have a problem with them.


Nope. If I am marrying him, I trust him. If he wants to go and make a fool of himself and have fun, he is a big boy. I know he will be coming home to me and staying with me. I, long term, am much better for him than a stripper anyway and he knows that.

As well, if I am marrying him, he has no problem with my doing the same.

PO:)
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
how long would you wait
Posted: 8/10/2009 2:29:51 PM
I am a firm believer there are three sides to every story. We tend to personalize our side, so while we may believe the other person is "at fault" this may not be the case. I also wonder why we need to assign blame at all.

To answer OP's question, for me, it would depend on the circumstance(s).

Is this person a close friend or a peripheral friend? What is the basis for the argument? Is it being blown out of proportion?

IF this person hangs up on me, the assumption is I am at fault. Whether I am or not, I have said something to upset this friend. I would immediately communicate an apology informing him/her this was not my intent (not apologize for what was said, just apologizing for the misunderstanding.)

If s/he makes no attempt to contact me, s/he is not a close friend and quite possibly someone I am willing cut loose. If s/he hangs up on me, s/he is quite immature and I would need to evaluate the necessity of actually continuing with this person in my life.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Is technology contributing to the rise of singles?
Posted: 8/10/2009 2:19:55 PM

Is technology contributing to the rise of singles?


I very much believe it is. As time has gone on and technology has made life easier, we have way more time to think about what is going wrong in our lives instead of focussing on what is going right. Hence, we adopt the "grass is greener" outlook and have problems being happy with what we have.

I also believe, with the technological advancements we have had, it is easier to have a life without really deal with life. I am amazed at how many people think living virtually is reality.

We can have relationships with people on the other side of the world from us, very intimate relationships, yet we often do not know out neighbours or cubicle mates, or even our children. The virtual world has taken intimacy away from us. Relationships are disposable.

I have encountered adults who have no social skills because they live in the virtual world. They do not know how to have a conversation. They do not listen. They do not know how to look into a person's eyes. BUT they do not think there is anything wrong with living life online.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
With friends like these...
Posted: 8/10/2009 11:35:35 AM

Why do people sound alarms when you read these types of threads and why aren't people more positive about someone else's budding prospect?


I certainly will not speak for everyone, but my experience is, as miss contemplative plainly states, "misery loves company."

The majority of people I have encountered tend to be quite negative living in a victim's world where everything that happens to him/her tends to be someone (or something) else's fault. As time has gone on and technology has made life easier, we have way more time to think about what is going wrong in our lives instead of focussing on what is going right.

While some people sound alarms because they genuinely care for you and may notice the problems you do not as you are in the "love is blind/honeymoon" phase, I have realized it is more because if s/he cannot be happy, s/he does not want you to be either.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Too much baggage to start a new relationship ???
Posted: 8/4/2009 7:50:44 AM
Can a man have too much baggage to enter a new relationship? Absolutely! We all can. No sense limiting it to gender.

From what I can see OP, you are doing little more than attempting to justify why you are with him.

If he makes you feel more good than bad, he could be worth it (depending on the ratio.) If he makes you feel more bad than good, if you have any love for yourself, he should not be worth it.


His lawyer says he can't do a darn thing about it.

Then he does not have a very good lawyer.

Making money (or not) is not a pre-requisite for having a relationship. It's an excuse, for some, not to.

PO(:
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Seeing people post on forum threads...
Posted: 7/31/2009 2:45:59 PM

Do you use what they say to judge them from there on?

I actually have included a line in my profile stating I will form an opinion about a person based on their writing to me and forum postings.

Mind you... I am neither single nor looking and I don't necessarily convict a person based on his/her writings, but I am human and form judgements about people. I may as well be honest.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Eat to Live by Dr. Mark Fuhrman: Any Opinions?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:34:16 AM
I have read and got a lot out of this book. I think the cleansing factor alone would be extremely beneficial... even if one were to modify the initial six weeks and subsequent plan.

I do think a pound of raw veggies twice daily is a lot of food though.

Whole grains are essential to our diet, just not in the quantities we tend to consume them.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
When the bill comes on a first date...
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:15:26 PM

But when the bill came, he suggested they split it 50/50, even though he consumed way more than her.

Easy solution. Separate checks. This way there is no obligation.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Is there an ideal way to die?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:02:20 AM
I don't know if I will be eating chocolate anytime soon...

I would like to go as my mother did. Fall asleep and not wake up.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Would you try a male sex surrogate? - for the ladies
Posted: 7/8/2009 4:48:12 PM

Would you try a male sex surrogate?

I might, even/especially for the reasons you mention depending on my level of 'issues'. If I feel it is something that can be dealt with this way, I would definitely consider it.

I would be concerned about the surrogate though, depending on where you acquired him...
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Women's Favorite/Least Favorite Conversation Topics
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:21:10 AM
Actually, usually these lists are pre-fab based on what creators THINK women should be like. It's usually set up so you need to place them in 'order of importance' to you but you don't have any other options.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Vegetarianism....is it a good weight loss tool?
Posted: 6/30/2009 2:25:59 PM

I agree that you CAN do it vegetarian/vegan, but it's a whole lot harder

In the beginning, absolutely it is.

As a vegetarian working my way towards vegan I recognize some people NEED animal protein to be healthy. You asked for a soy-free vegan diet, I recommended one.

OP: Vegetarianism can be an excellent weight-loss tool, if done healthily. Keeping in mind, one can have just as unhealthy of a diet being vegetarian as one can eating meat. I believe there is no sense giving up meat, if you truly love it, just to lose weight. You will only feel deprived, go back to it, and defeat all your gains.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Vegetarianism....is it a good weight loss tool?
Posted: 6/30/2009 12:18:34 PM

If you can outline for me a vegetarian diet that does this WITHOUT soy

The Thrive Diet by Brendan Brazier
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Married????
Posted: 6/26/2009 2:37:57 PM
My husband and I initially started living together in 1995. After ups and downs we finally married in 2006. We separated in 2007. In Sept 2008, his mother passed away. I go with him to help deal with paperwork, arrangements, and anything else I can help with.

Less than two weeks later and four days before I am due to go to the courthouse to file divorce papers he sends me an email wanting to reconcile. I had just, less than a month prior, dealt with and stopped being angry with him for leaving me.

We are still together. Things are better than they have ever been with us. We are actually talking. We are doing things together. We are learning to accept each other for who we are instead of trying to turn the other into who we want. We are actually trying to have an adult relationship. We are not living together at this time.

Bottom line... we are happy. That's all that matters, deerdog1.

PO(:
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Women/Porn/Preferences
Posted: 6/26/2009 2:14:15 PM
Did porn open your experience level up, or did it come naturally with time?


Yes, to both. I saw and tried many things in porn that I would never have tried, possibly never have know it existed until I ventured into the POF forums. *giggle*

I learned how to give a blow job from porn and have honed and customized my style on partners since.

I have also seen things I would never do. Never even consider. I have seen porn that makes sex look extremely erotic as well as making it look very ugly. I have been turned on by watching man on woman, woman on woman, and man on man. I have also been turned off by it all.

I have found, as I mature, I am much more selective in what I watch. I tend to be the one choosing the 'movie' these days.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Hugging....
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:27:05 AM
Some people just hug. As long as she's with you and going home with you I wouldn't worry about it. Does not matter who it is.

Goodness, what would you do if you were with someone who was a natural flirt?
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Do you get turned on reading this forum
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:02:09 AM

Do you get turned on reading this forum?

I am hearing a lot of "no's" but I bet a few of us wanted to spend some 'quality time' with ChinaShopBull after he posted the below.
Things that make one go "hmmm..."


Posted By: ChinaShopBull on 5/11/2009 941 AM
Subject: ORAL SEX AND NEW TECHNIQUES
Message: I think it an exercise in futility for me to think I can tell you or teach you (well, with words only) how to eat ****. I can share with you my experience and what I have found works for me, and you are free to adopt any of my techniques or experiment and see what works. But I cannot write the definitive "''how to eat **** like a champ by following these simple steps."

The only general guideline I offer is that there is no right or wrong way to eat ****. It is my experience that each woman is very different in her preferences and anatomy, and the effort you put into oral sex for your lady is really the time and diligence you put into it to find out what works—and what does not.

Being able to openly talk to your woman before, during and after the grand event is very helpful, but sometimes they are not your best guide either from shyness or inexperience.

I think the right attitude is the best skill you can possess in eating ****. First, see this as a selfless act designed to bring pleasure to your woman. Do your job right, and the payback can be pleasure of untold proportions. Remember, this is not just a warm up for you to f*ck her (except when it is) or something that you do because it is expected. You need to have the mind set that you are going to do whatever it takes to provide her a high quality orgasm using only your mouth, tongue and maybe fingers. And you do this because...well... it is just f*cking hot for you, too.

In short, I believe the right mind set is something along the lines of "Eating **** is its own reward."

Second, you have to really love the **** in its entirety. The way it looks, smells and tastes as well as feels when you are f*cking. Each woman has a different smell and taste. Some have a heavy scent and taste, others are light. It doesn't matter as they have as much control over this as you do the size of your**** The point is you need to "take it as it comes" (to pardon the pun) and remember that ALL **** is amazing. Amazing not only for the pleasure it can afford you as a means of intercourse, but in its very existence. The **** is the center of a woman's sexuality, but not the single place where it resides. However, each woman's **** is a marvel to behold and something to treasure and that attitude makes it easy to become acknowledged as a master of your skill.

We all have a preference in the smell and taste. But again, other than simple hygiene, your woman has zero control over any of that. Let her know you adore how she smells, how she tastes and how beautiful you think her **** looks. Hopefully a genuine sense of awe is your mind set. I let her know I want her to "mark" me with her juices, that I want her smell on my face, fingers, neck and**** I will tell her I really need her to abandon herself to my mouth and dance on the tip of my tongue in her erotic dance of pleasure. To use the common vernacular, I urge you to let her know you "get it."

As for the mechanics, there really is no right or wrong way—there is just what works for her. There is no one secret, special technique that, once understood and mastered, will make you THE **** eating champ for all women. However, there are techniques that work for her and that can make you HER world champion **** eater. And the joy is in the journey and discovery. Truly, a labor love.

Ok, here is how I do it, and take from it what ever you wish. I begin by whispering in her ear that I simply must taste her—that my need to go down on her is strong. Then I take a bit of time to see what I have to work with. Is she dripping wet in urgent need of release? Is she not wet at all and needing the proper time and attention to coax an orgasm out of her?

I begin by just lightly licking the entire ****. I explore lightly with my tongue, and savior her taste. I take a few very deep breaths to let her know I like what I have found—that simple act alone, letting her hear you breathing her in deeply and robustly, is a great way to set the stage. Then I pay attention to her clit. Does she have a huge clit that is readily exposed? Does she have small clit that is hidden deeply behind the folds of her hood? I find the location and condition of her clit, but leave it alone for the time being. I lick her **** from stem to stern repeatedly, gently suck her **** into my mouth, and trace the lines of her **** lips with the tip of my tongue. I pay attention to how she reacts, and if find something that is really working, I keep doing that until it is time to move on to something else.

That something else is usually the beginning stages of eating her. I never directly stimulate her clit, unless I know this is what works for her. Some women need direct and continual clit stimulation at the outset, but my experience is that most do not. Using the first third of my tongue, I lap the top third of her **** and alternate in sort of lightly tracing her clit or the hood and her **** lips.

I also make a point to gently use the tip of my finger to trace and rub the lips, usually taking the time to tell her something hot and nasty, or sweet and loving. But I will for sure tell her that I love the way she smells and tastes—and I tell her that every time.

A note; some women are super sensitive at first and cannot tolerate any firm stimulation of the clit—these are women who, in my mind, I need to "work up" to the point of tolerating/needing firm clit stimulation. Other women want a firm tongue lashing of their clit, and from the beginning are in desperate need of rapid and hard attention from my tongue. Pay attention because you want to get this right.

Once she is good and wet from her own juices and my saliva, I will pick up the pace of my lapping and licking and increase the pressure on her clit—one way to look at this is taking the intensity of my actions up a notch while paying close attention that I am not over or under stimulating.

Then I stick one of my own fingers in my mouth and wet it in preparation of inserting it into her ****. It is my experience that nothing can be more of a momentary "buzz kill" for a woman than the sudden introduction of a dry finger. Another good way to do this is to let her suck and wet a finger or two for you. Then I go back to actively eating her and gently slip a finger inside her.

My experience also tells me that finger f*cking is not the best use of my digit. Rather, I crook my finger and find the ridged area just inside her on the top. Now, find a rhythm with your tongue on her clit and gently tap and rub that ridged area—which I believe is commonly called the "G spot." Then slip a second finger into her and use both finger tips to tap and rub the ridges. And another note, some women's ridges are big and pronounced, other are small and delicate. But notice they all seem to swell and become more pronounced as they build towards orgasm. The swelling and pronouncement of her ridges will happen in direct proportion to her wetness. And it is just hot to feel it happen on your fingertips.

At this point I know I need to be focused but flexible. She might buck and thrash with increasing intensity as she builds. She might push my face into her ****, or hold my head and grind her hips into my face, or wrap her feet around my upper torso. But then she might also simply lay very passively, opening her legs wide to give you all the access I could hope for and wail and scream...or whisper and make her small noises of pleasure. I just roll with what happens, but when I since she is getting close I will urge her to cum on my tongue.

I find a rhythm and a place on or near her clit that is working and keep going. The time has passed for changing it up or exploration. This is what I call the "active **** eating stage." At this point I am working towards completion, using my tongue and fingers and staying focused. I try to position my nose such that I can breathe; another big buzz killer is breaking the rhythm to gasp for breath.

A woman once told me that when she came with me licking her clit AND rubbing her G spot it felt like an "internal and external orgasm, while it just feels external and more intense when you use only your tongue." She did not place a value judgment on one method or type of orgasm over the other. But she did best vocalize the difference in a way I could grasp. By the way, she had this really nice, full natural blond bush. She barely had any taste or smell, and she gushed wetness even when slightly aroused. She also had a G spot that was impossible to miss. She was a wailing, screaming, head-thumping, grind-and-thrash-hard-into-your-face woman that would literally scream "F*ck, you ROCK" right before I sent her over the edged by eating her. Her blond **** was tight, hot...

But I digress.

Anyway, discuss it with your woman. Give her both types and see what thinks of each climax and if she feels a difference.

My orgasm comes in one flavor. I cum hard. I do not think men, or at least most men, can say one cum feels much different from the other. At least physically, anyway. However, I will be the first to admit I might be wrong, and I have not discussed this with other men. But the male orgasm, I think, differs only by very slight degrees of pleasure either way of "great."

But my experience is that this is not the case for women. They can have any number of different types of orgasms; hard to the point of violent, or soft and sweet. They can arrive as mind blowing climaxes that leave 'em limp or a little shudder from one that is just sufficient to take the edge off. I have found I cannot control the type or the intensity of her climax as there are many other factors that come into play that are usually outside my abilities. The point is, I can make a woman cum (99 times out of a 100) by eating her ****, but the quality of her climax is not a sure thing I can replicate for her time and time again. However, I do like the sense of power that comes with a challenge wherein I am have to coax an orgasm out of a lady when I eat her, and succeed.

That said, I do know I can ruin it for her at the end with bad mechanics. There is providing too much stimulation or licking/fingering "too hard" that can f*ck up a climax. Or breaking the rhythm by losing her sweet spot (clit) just as she goes over the edge and the resulting orgasm is one of less intensity. Or losing the rhythm too many times and turning her into a frustrated, overly sensitized woman who can't go over the edge. Yep, check the box, I have done all of that. At times I have been the worst **** eater known to woman. And those failures have made me much, much better at the job.

Perhaps one technique to experiment with is the "Butterfly." In this, you eat her **** and use the index and middle finger to tap her G-spot. The ring finger has no job, so you keep it curled in. Use the tip of your little finger to gently probe her anal opening. You need not penetrate her ass (unless she grooves on such a thing) but rather just toy with her little rosebud and give her ass a little play. You might be amazed at the reaction you get. My experience is I at least get a shy little admission that "how you did that was hot."

I believe the cool down is important to the entire experience. I pay attention and let her body will tell me when to stop licking her clit. I will keep eating **** until I receive some sign of "enough!" It can be the words "stop," or a tightened body that goes slack, legs and arms unclenching my head and hips not being wildly pounded into my face. It can be having your head pushed away. When it is over, I will very gently kiss the area around her ****, her inner thighs, her tummy...just light little kisses, while taking an occasional deep breath to let her know I continue to adore her scent. I once had a lover whose every nerve was on edge after she came that even a little kiss on her inner thigh made her jerk with little jolts of pain. But I linger in the area until they come back down...come back to me.

And for me, the greatest reward of being a good **** eater when she whispers in my ear an urgent plea; "Baby, I need you to do that thing you do." Or something more direct.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Dominatrix
Posted: 6/25/2009 2:08:16 PM
I would be a dominatrix. *grins*
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Strippers not exciting - is it really that rare?
Posted: 6/25/2009 11:30:47 AM

Not only that, but there's no longer any real "show" involved. Maybe one out of 20 strippers still believe in entertainment and putting on a good show too. Most are just sauntering around looking dismayed or stoned outta their heads, shuffling across the stage and maybe tossing the occasional glance out to the crowd. They only smile when the bucket comes out so they can soak the onlookers for $20 a pop trying to get loonies in the plastic jug for a poster.


BDJ, I completely agree with you. I go a couple of times a year with my (male) cousin and have noticed they just strut across the stage. It's like they are entitled to a person's money just for being nude. Maybe it's that 'Alberta Advantage'?
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
So guys uno question......
Posted: 6/23/2009 6:53:29 AM

So what makes a man (boy) whatever, say ridiculously mean things to someone they like?


People do this (not gender specific) because they can. You have shown him, somehow, that he can get away with it so he continues.
 Positively Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Paying on the first date?
Posted: 6/23/2009 6:42:22 AM
I believe EVERY date should be open to the option of dutch treat. If you do not prepare to at least pay for yourself, you should not be going on the date, IMO.
 Positively_Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Cuddling and touching after sex
Posted: 6/19/2009 1:42:01 PM
Actually, for me it depends. If I feel emotionally connected during the act, many times I will roll over and go to sleep.

BUT... I am always touching him in bed, even if it's just my feet touching his.
 Positively_Optimistic
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
things said on profiles
Posted: 6/19/2009 1:38:39 PM

im just saying why judge people by what they check in filling out their profile

Because it's easy. Just like it is easy for people to send a "hi" email based on picture alone.

We have segregated ourselves away from real life so much that we believe someone we met online can be our 'bff' and in person communication just does not matter anymore.

It's sad really...
 
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