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 Author Thread: What's the difference between dating and hanging out?
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
What's the difference between dating and hanging out?
Posted: 2/18/2013 7:59:56 PM
Iona bob--

gotta' agree with you. i was with someone who was on this site for 'dating'. in her mind this meant we did mostly what she wanted to do--when she wanted to do it--and i paid for everything. what a great deal ! using this ploy she could go out every night on someone-elses' dime. i think this technique is pretty much reserved for the female set. we didn't last long.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 93 (view)
 
Would you take in in your ex in a time of need?
Posted: 2/12/2013 9:02:31 PM
my ex and i had a very amicable divorce and we had no kids. over the course of our 10 year marriage we just grew apart. we live several states apart and have not seen each other in many years, but we do keep in touch a few times each year. she has had a significant other for a number of years but should she ask for my help i would not hesitate to help her in any way i could--including staying with me if necessary. and no, altho we are friends, i have no romantic interest in her whatsover. she would be safe with me and i would be glad to help her out. no strings attached.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 69 (view)
 
What are the reasons to remarry after the age of 45?
Posted: 3/21/2010 10:39:25 PM
blueyesrsmiling--

thanks, you just described me. not bragging just the truth. i had a very good 2nd marriage--she died unfortunately--and i would really like another. what is not to like:
the quote you cited says it all. i think too many people got married for the wrong reasons or did not know one another well enough before making the committment. and yes, things can change and do happen. and if you are bitter over a bad marriage or divorce that can definately influence your thinking. but i am just not a fan of living together. but that is just me.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
living with someone you really never knew
Posted: 2/16/2010 9:17:09 PM
jan--

may i ask how long you knew this guy before you moved in with him?
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 416 (view)
 
Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 2/14/2010 7:57:59 PM
i just gotta' respond to the "can't get it up" statement. i could make an equally dumb and mean statement such as: i see you are wearing a uniform--a couple of decades ago some might think that you are a lez" or "why are your boobs so small?"

unfortunately the "get it up" phrase rolls too easily off the lips of women who have nothing to get up.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 9:06:40 PM
i was very much involved with a widow that had a 21 year old daughter who was THE very most important thing in her life. mom spent
$75k a year putting miss princess thru a private college, and no, she did not live in the dorm, but on the 18th floor of a highrise overlooking lake michigan. it was clear to me that not only would i always be second to the princess but would be made to feel a runner-up. shortly before we broke up mom received a notice from the court about several hundred dollars in unpaid parking tickets from miss princess --the car was registered in mom's name. i got out of the picture--i hope she and her daughter have a nice life.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Texting while on a date
Posted: 11/16/2009 10:01:53 PM
whether i am on a date or just with a friend--i leave my phone at home. the person i am with is much more important than a cell-phone call: i can always call back later. to me it is incomprehensibly rude to take calls/texts when in the company of another person/friend/date. and what is the need to text anyway? i feel that the cell phone/texting is an addiction and shows the further decline of social graces in our me society. i have been in restaurants and have seen couples be seated and then whip out their phones to call/text someone. our date would be over. text someone to take you home.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 64 (view)
 
What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/13/2009 9:03:56 PM
she made many future plans for us, told me several times that she loved me but then one day told me that it wasn't working for her. she had my things all bagged up and ready to go. we had a chat and as i was leaving her place she got between me and the door, clung to me and started kissing me and told me to call her. i said she should call me: never did, never spoke to me again when we would come in contact in public.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Dating more than one person at a time
Posted: 10/13/2009 8:36:17 PM
as an adult you are free to do as you please but i would think one should be respectful to those others who may be involved. not alot of details but if you are seeing/having sex with multiple dates then i feel they have a right to know.

as for myself, i am only interested in dating one person at a time and getting to know that person, and them me. not that interested in just dating and just having a sex thing--but that is me. been there, done that. looking for something substantial.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Moving In
Posted: 10/6/2009 8:44:34 PM
i don't want to move in with anyone unless i am married. not interested in playing house. i have heard the expression uttered "if i get tired of so-and-so i'll just move in with someone else" sounds kinda cheap to me.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Now that you're older, do you feel different about relationships?
Posted: 9/22/2009 9:45:59 PM
very interesting because many women rant on here about how men shy away from them because they (the women) have kids and the men aren't interested in them because of that factor. works both ways.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 98 (view)
 
are you still sexually experimenting?
Posted: 9/22/2009 9:26:48 PM
yes, as a matter of fact, i am. tonite is date nite so i am going to take myself out to a nice intimate restaurant, have a nice meal and ply myself with some libations. i will then take myself home, put on some nice romantic rap, lite some candles and take advantage of myself. oh yeah, for the experiementation part, i will tie myself up first.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
A timely reminder Prostate Cancer
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:08:31 PM
i'm sorry, but in my opinion NOTHING is more important than your health. what do you really have without it? find a way to get the exam and make small payments if that is all you can do. all men 40+ should get an annual psa test and a digital exam. i did for years and my pc was caught in an early stage. i was able to have radioactive seeds implanted (brachytherapy) and have had no lasting side effects. if you have to have external radiation or prostate removal your life will change drastically. also men should have a colonoscopy at age 50--as a doctor stated to me: no one should die of colon cancer. it is very curable if caught early, deadly otherwise. those who say they can't afford it--well can you afford to die and what about your loved ones if that should happen. don't mean to be cold but find a way to have the psa and drt exams done.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Is it possible for men to flirt
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:36:47 PM
hello op--

as regards a-f: a resounding yes.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 453 (view)
 
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:31:44 PM
goodmangreg--

well stated. i am in a similar position--wife died unexpectedly--and yes, i am positive that red-hot romance will be forthcoming, from me for sure; i will be most disapointed otherwise.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Over 60...Finding True Love >Fact or Fantasy
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:26:23 PM
ugotpamale--
really liked your statements. very well said and i am in much agreement.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:12:06 PM
77-angela

i am really with you on your statements. i never cheated on either of my 2 wives: lst on divorced--she cheated on me; 2nd one deceased.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Thoughts on a healthy relationship
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:01:25 PM
eagle fish--

these sentiments are very well stated and i whole-heartedly concur. trust and honesty have to be at the foundation of a good relationship.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Childless by Choice
Posted: 6/2/2009 9:25:51 PM
i have never wanted kids. period. no regrets whatsoever. it is an entirely different lifestyle than those with kids and many of those are really not so happy. why no kids? just didn't want the responsibiity--it does not end at age 18. it is a lifetime commitment. having been a social worker at one time in my life i saw way too many kids that were just a way to increase the welfare check. and i see way too many kids today that are just living off mom and dad. "i wish i could get johnny to take out the garbage-or whatever". when i was a kid i did not have an option--i had chores to do and they were expected to be done. i want to devote my remaining years to pleasing-and being pleased by--a significant other--and the freeedom to do what we want when we want--which is pretty much how i have lived my life to date. no complaints. for those who have kids: be the best parent you can be, too many times this equation is skewed out of balance. for those of you like me: enjoy what we know is a good thing--for us.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Is marriage outmoded?
Posted: 5/19/2009 10:02:10 PM
ichi-bon

good post. i am in total agreement with you.
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:02:25 AM
i am 65, a widower, very e-z going, accepting, not controlling and know how to treat a woman with respect. i like to have fun, go dancing am up for whatever and have very good health. not set in my ways at all. retired and looking for someone to share my life with--not take care of me. i am not ready to give up but am ready to give up on this site. and hey, guess what? i can do alot of things many younger than me cannot.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/25/2008 9:09:29 PM
to gonesailinbabe--
where are you coming from? or rather maybe its the type of guy you are attracted to. i like being pursued and a woman that initiates things--no problem here--and no, i don't keep track as in a magic number.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 61 (view)
 
People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 9/9/2008 8:37:19 PM
lelathecat--
what a great post. i just got dumped by someone who i thought i was in love with but her primary interest was her 22 year old daughter whom she lavishes mucho dinera on--she has it to lavish--and who seems to be her best friend. but you are so right in your statements about being single. i do not enjoy coming home to an empty house and having complete freedom--from what? my deceased wife and i had all the freedom we wanted when we were married. i think a lot of women in these forums had bad marriages or too much responsibility in them. such was not the case in mine.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again?
Posted: 9/6/2008 9:16:14 PM
bcfnc57--

great post. i am totally and entirely in agreement with you. too much emphasis on material things and my space :meaning, i think, me. and me is the underlining focus of people today. two people who are in sinc with one another don't have to try so hard to make a relationship/marriage work. some effort is required and that should not be a real problem--but then many people today don't like the concept of putting forth effort.
personally, i think being single sucks as does dating. all the things that many posters whine about losing in a marriage, my spouse and i had in ours. we were free to be ourselves and there was no loss of identity for either of us. was it perfect? no, we were both human and we worked out the problems. unfortunately my wife died. would i marry again? to the right person without a second thought.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Casual versus taking things slow....
Posted: 9/3/2008 7:20:01 PM
i totally agree. my several female friends are friends because i am not, or no longer, interested in them other than as friends. and that is not to denigrate our friendship--i truly like and enjoy these people--but as friends only.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
From one relationship to another
Posted: 8/14/2008 6:16:25 PM
"happiness is to have a man and wait on him"--whoa--what kindof crap is that. i have never wanted a female to 'wait on me'. i much prefer an independent, confident woman for a relationship based on total equality. i don't care for 1950's thinking.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 98 (view)
 
What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single???
Posted: 8/7/2008 5:19:28 PM
i had a very good, happy marriage of 14 years before my wife's untimely passing. what i gather from many of these women who wish to be alone is that they came from bad marriages with controlling husbands, too much responsibility, etc. ad nauseum. i did not recognize any traits of me or my marriage in their descriptions. not that i was perfect and we never had any problems. but we did have real love for one another and commitment and we worked things out--not that it was very hard to do. we did not lose our own identities or give up much freedom--other than that we each willingly wanted to. no one had to ask permission to spend money, do things, etc. it was all very informal with much personal freedom--btw i had no desire to cheat--that is not me. so for those of you who wish to live alone the rest of your days, more power to you as that is your choice and i can understand some of your reasoning. that is not a path i would care to chose for myself.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Have you lived with most of your longterm partners
Posted: 8/7/2008 4:44:55 PM
kattapult--
i am in agreement with you on this. i think living together cheapens a relationship and i only did occasional weekends with my my now deceased wife after we were engaged.i heard a friend of mine remark that when he got tired of living with his current gf he would find another and move in with her. i prefer committment--not convenience.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 154 (view)
 
Too old to be in this pond?
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:54:44 PM
abby 156--
i would be very happy to meet you.many twenty-somethings don't really have fully functioning brains combined with an inherint lack of respect for anyone but themselves.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 103 (view)
 
Marriage over 40 and up
Posted: 8/2/2008 7:56:45 PM
wyndryder--
i am in total agreement with you. being married to that special person --and you are her special person--is awesome. have been married twice, one divorce and am now a widower. i have ABSOLUTELY no interest in her stuff, money etc. like you my only interest is her and our making each other as happy as we can. i might consider living together briefly before marriage but never as a standard practice. i have always considered living together as cheap, particularly after i heard a friend of mine say that if he got tired of living with one he would find another one to live with. sorry i prefer real committment not convenience.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
How Old Is TOO OLD?
Posted: 7/30/2008 6:07:29 PM
johnseven--
i am in total agreement with you. i only want to focus on one person at a time and i feel she should also. if she wants to mess around with others: go ahead--i will be gone. i really don't want to be thinking about her being with some-one else. i never could deal with that.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Books about women living single and liking it. Double standard?
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:16:53 PM
sapphireeyes--
hey wait a minute. i am perfectly capable of taking care of myself and what i don't do my cleaning lady takes care of. not looking for a female maid/caregiver but a life companion, lover and someone to enjoy life with and each other--as total equals.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
The one that got away!
Posted: 7/29/2008 6:43:17 PM
tigress--
excellent observation--"that person in your mind that you are longingfor doesn't even exist"--very incisive--and probably very often true.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Never married female, no children, early 40's - what's wrong here?
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:16:33 PM
my 2nd wife was 40 when we married and she had never been married and of course no kids, and at that age didn't want any. anything wrong with her? hell no. she was the best and we had a great marriage. her reason for not having been married: the right person never asked. i was flattered. i was fortunate beyond belief as our 14 years together were great--not always of course--but no complaints. unfortunately she suddenly died 9 years ago. also unfortunately many women of my age don't want to get married or ltr due to burnout from their previous bad marriage/too much responsibility, etc. i understand their position but i am not like their ex's. oh well, keep fishing.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Childless men
Posted: 7/27/2008 8:08:56 PM
i am in total agreement with you. i never wanted kids and have absolutely no regrets. it is a different life without kids and one which i think is great. have been married twice--we didn't want kids and got divorced after 10 years--not due to the kid issue. 2nd marriage was great but unfortunately she died after 14 years. my most recent relationship had a 22yr old daughter that was far and away #1 in her life and when the grandkids came along i would probably drop to #3. don't want kids, never did, no regrets.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Has the reality of age affected you?
Posted: 7/27/2008 7:50:15 PM
be proud. i think you look fantastic.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
When Your Grown Children Are Irresponsible
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:53:36 PM
this is a prime example of why i amnot interested in women with grown kids. "yes they are all 18 and out of the house" right!
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Love and Loneliness
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:29:12 PM
personally i am tired of being alone for the past 9 years since my wife passed. i know myself better than i want to and am hobbied out. i had a great marriage and a lot of what i read on these forums to me is really crap. if two people truly love each than you each give of yourself freely to the other, not to the detriment of losing yourself but of the joy of becoming a 'we' instead of the all pervasive 'me' in our current society. yes you each can still have your space as required and do not need to be joined at the hip--that is where trust enters. we both had good jobs but they were not our lives--our life together was our life and the enjoyment of each other and making one another happy. this did not always happen and it won't always when 2 people are involved but we could and did talk things out. that is how you deal with problems. also we dated for 5 years before we got married so we both had a pretty good handle on what we were getting into ; also we did not live together except for the final year when we did spend many weekends together. we lived in different cities due to our jobs thus when we did get together it was something to look forward to and was really neat. i sense that a lot of that is missing today.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/21/2008 7:32:21 PM
i myself am truly interested in a monogamous relationship. having been married twice--one divorce, one death--i never cheated and have no intention of doing so in the future. if you are supposedly with the person that you desire, why look elsewhere? as paul newman once said "why go out for hamburger when i have steak at home" or something similar. i want to have that one person in my life that is totally important to me and me to her--i am sorry but i do not wish to share either her or myself. now i have to find that special person for me.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 646 (view)
 
Expain the phrase My children are my top priority?
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:27:23 PM
i am in agreement here. i won't date smokers--and 'quitting' doesn't count. and i don't want to date women with kids--even tho they are grown--as in many cases they can and do come home to live again--. my last g/f had a 22 year old daughter that was definately #1 in her life and prob ably always will be. i hope they will be happy together.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 74 (view)
 
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:52:25 PM
fell in love too soon. she told me early on that we were meant for each other and deserved each other and that when she moved out of the area at the end of this year she wanted totake me with her. she told me she loved me and she hinted at things we could do together later in the year. and the sex was outstanding. we communicated and i was very respectful of her and attentive and periodically asked if she was happy and if everything was ok and she always said yes. i helped around the house and was supportive and bought her flowers on occasion. she asked me to spend the nights with her--i didn't suggest it. i would snuggle and give her back rubs and made sure she was--so i thought--sexually satisfied. i would go shopping with her and we always held hands or she put her arm in mine when walking. her 22year old daughter whom was by far #1 in her life ,and probably always will be came for a weekend and i was to leave ,so she wouldn't know i was there. she told me that her daughter told her to be careful dating because many men would be after her money. 3 weeks later she dumped me--a kiss on the cheek and 'have a nice life' but was kissing me on the neck and said i could call her. what was my mistake: maybe getting involved with her in the first place. i fell in love and she broke my heart. what would you have done?
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 135 (view)
 
Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:36:33 PM
i am in agreement here. i had an fwb that we had a great sex and other life together but i did not love her b ut had very strong feelings for her--i cared about her very much but i just did not truly love her or want to marry her.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 92 (view)
 
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:32:24 PM
i am 64 have been married, divorced and widowed and have never had any kids--and don't want anyone else's. yes, you hear my kids are all grown--but they can and do come back. ask my friend whose 30-something son is back at home. and grandkids: my last relationship would have had me eternally 2nd to her daughter and later i would have dropped behind the grandkids. i am definately looking for someone with no kids.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Can man be happy and safisfied with one woman?
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:56:41 PM
i would love to find the woman that i can spend the rest of my life with giving all my love and affection to and receiving same in return. a relationship like this is what makes life worth living for me.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 58 (view)
 
How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/11/2008 2:56:03 PM
you are right on. i had a great marriage and have been a widow for 8 years--enuff of the liking yourself crap. many of these people evidently came out of bad situations and i can understand their desire for freedom. but our situation was very good and i would like to have that again. who really wants to travel alone--not me. i don't want to be my best friend and i am hobbied out. i am not looking for someone to take care of me and be my housekeeper--i have a cleaning lady for that--and i don't mind eating out.i am looking for a like-minded companion/lover to share the rest of my life with and t o love one another and make each other as happy as we can.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 91 (view)
 
finding it hard to find someone on here
Posted: 2/2/2008 7:46:44 PM
hey i liked the canada-china thing. when i was a kid i always heard there is someone for you--and as i looked at my map i thought: i am in ohio, what if she is in wyoming?much later in life i am beginning to think there is truth to this.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Ever realize that you're the problem?
Posted: 1/31/2008 9:46:31 PM
i am in total agreement with you. i recently screwed up a 3 year relationship and am very unhappy now--but i will survive. i hate that i hurt her as a result of an act of abject stupidity on my part and i am paying for it daily. i really want to have a woman in my life that i respect and we can please each other--but i won't settle for a flawed relationship that i have to make excuses to myself for. i am tired of living alone--wife died 8 years ago--but am not about to settle just to have someone in my life.
 stayinalive-2
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 35 (view)
 
I like the gal but she smokes
Posted: 1/24/2008 9:46:39 PM
why date a smoker if you yourself do not smoke. i don't smoke and won't date a smoker. saves a lot of grief and heartache should you find yourself getting involved.
 
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