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 Author Thread: why does he still lie?
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
why does he still lie?
Posted: 11/2/2008 1:39:41 PM
Because he is a liar.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Need advice
Posted: 11/2/2008 1:35:32 PM
I'm sorry that you are hurting and it's a horrible feeling most of us have experienced, but this guy is dangerous, and if you were with him-you have to ask yourself what else could he do? He's plain nasty for several reasons, and in your heart you know that. It takes time to deal with betrayal and that's what happened to you.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
just hurt and shocked
Posted: 11/2/2008 1:32:15 PM
Sometimes people shock us and our first reaction is to wonder what we did when it may not be us to start with-it may be that he couldn't keep up with you in certain ways, or that he is moody, or a number of things. The best thing anyone can do in this type of situation is first realize that when someone doesn't like us or stops loving us, we are powerless to change that person's mind. It's been said a million times and admittedly is easier said than done, but if it's over, it's time to move on. Hanging on to worries about what you did wrong will just make you feel insecure. People treat us the way we allow them to. I guarantee you, the very root of this is not your cooking.
Time heals all wounds-and wounds all heels.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 96 (view)
 
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/2/2008 1:20:58 PM
You have got to be kidding. That's not a mother. That's a nine month carrier.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 11/2/2008 10:16:43 AM
First, you are to be commended for taking care of your special angel. Something many women and men do because they feel so much love for their children, no matter if there is a challenge in that child's life or not. I'm an older, single mother of an adult young man with autism. I never say Kevin is autistic-because he's so much more than his lot in life-I don't describe anyone by the worst thing that has happened to them.

It does my heart good to see so many of you younger people take responsibility, not because you have to (some ignorant woman once told me to institutionalize Kevin so I could live my own life)...but because you have such a loving heart. Any of you who have written on this forum would make a wonderful mate for any of the rest of you-because you aren't living a totally selfish lifestyle, and you wouldn't give up and run at the first bump in the road.

My wish is for a bright future for all of your children, and for you.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 9:11:44 PM
Oh yeah...can we say, "Needy, possessive, controlling, maybe with a bit of a cruel streak running through his red flag outfit he's wearing?" This would not be what I would consider, "sweet".
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Emotionally blocking somebody out.......
Posted: 10/31/2008 9:05:40 PM
Of course--you sort of have to-or else carry that suitcase in to the next relationship.
It's called, "Survival of the fittest".
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Giving up on men
Posted: 10/31/2008 9:02:30 PM
As someone older who has seen a lot of this game playing, Rune3 is totally on base.
Some women want a man to "prove" something...like he is worthy to kiss the toe jam from between her toes, and if he doesn't....What a stupid thing for any woman to say to a man. (I know if it was the opposite - I've given up on women bit-it wouldn't turn me on )
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
You're Word
Posted: 10/30/2008 4:35:07 PM
Lady or gentleman, a person is only as good as his or her word. If you break your word, you break any chance of building a foundation of trust. I prefer integrity over just about anything else.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 305 (view)
 
Why do guys always do this to me? Does anyone else have this problem?...
Posted: 10/29/2008 10:38:05 AM
There's lots of reasons people do things, but why waste time analyzing anyone who told you he loved you, missed you, would call you, and then didn't-and you saw him online? What more do you need to get out of Dodge? Sometimes it's best to wave bye bye in your rear view mirror, than to keep on investing in someone who you know is lying to you and evidently trying to find his next, "love". A little hurt now is better than a big hurt after he's done this again. And again.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
My best girl ever married my worst enemy
Posted: 10/29/2008 10:29:56 AM
You love a memory of how she used to be. Most of us change, not always for the better. Look at it this way. Maybe your enemy is a horrible hunchback of a toad with bad breath and permanently bloodshot eyeballs. Or better yet, maybe she is a horrible hunchback of a toad with bad breath and bloodshot eyeballs. If you measure women by this woman, your baggage is too heavy. Women are for the most part, secure these days and looking for someone who is looking for them-not for a memory. Living well and especially loving well-is always the best revenge!
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Would you foot the bill for his vacation?
Posted: 10/29/2008 9:01:53 AM
Thank you, MedievalConquest!
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Got the Dissapearing act,was it because of pics?
Posted: 10/29/2008 8:57:32 AM
Well, I appreciate that you want to name your kitten after my username. Now...you named two beautiful women who have been cheated on...so don't bother with plastic surgary to impress anyone else...there is never a guarantee that looks will get you through life-they may attract more people, but not always the right people. You are smart and I'm sure you know this but maybe it got lost in that situation...the most attractive people are attractive because they have something special-maybe it's looks, maybe it's intelligence, common sense, compassion...maybe all of these or something else...but if you have to change to please someone, then he or she isn't worth pleasing...whatever you do, do it for yourself. I've seen homely men and women who became beautiful because they were so alive, could motivate me to be my best self, had a talent I admired, etc. I've seen conventionally beautiful or handsome people who became downright ugly when they opened their mouths and out came a critical spirit, mean nature, selfish attitude, etc. With age you will become more sure of yourself and not even be concerned about it-if you know you have been/done/tried-the best you can-then someone else's opinion of you is none of your business! You will be too busy with the people who see the positive things you have to offer. Best of luck!
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
once a cheater always a cheater??????????
Posted: 10/29/2008 7:12:48 AM
When he says it won't happen again, that means until someone else comes along. Kids hurt worse from all the instability than from a clean break---at least there can be some peace when it's over. It's hard to let go, but harder to face that he already did that the first time he told you by actions that you weren't enough. I hope you can find a good support system and start living the life you are meant to have. No one deserves a cheater, liar, etc. That's just another form of abuse.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Would you foot the bill for his vacation?
Posted: 10/29/2008 6:43:39 AM
No. But I'd send him some really cute post cards.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
 
she is thinking of ex boyfriend
Posted: 10/29/2008 6:39:06 AM
Since this is an opinion forum and advice was asked for...everyone is equally entitled to his or her opinion...I don't personally believe that people tell others to move on - because it's not their life...but because they see a train wreck approaching, and are trying to get the person whose life it is-off the track before damage is done. If you have a good, "boy" or, "girl" friend and you are confessing something you know will be hurtful, then you might be relieved because confession is good for the soul...but in this case, it's plain, ol' every day selfish. There are some things you are morally bound to tell someone, but this is not one of those things.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Interesting excuses for a breakup
Posted: 10/29/2008 1:19:01 AM
You are too good for me. That's charming. He wanted someone who wasn't? Then what would I have?
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
He Says He Is Not Ready For A Relationship
Posted: 10/29/2008 1:13:43 AM
If he said he isn't ready to be in a relationship, he probably meant he isn't ready to be in a relationship. That doesn't mean he didn't like you. I've learned to take what someone tells me at face value. I don't have the time to bother to delve any deeper - no matter how much I like someone. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship, he'd be pretty bad relationship material anyway, so enjoy the good memories and find someone who is looking for what you are looking for-don't waste your time on time wasters. There's a reason Marcus chose the name of this site....
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What's the opposite of writers block? How do you deal with it?
Posted: 10/29/2008 1:06:47 AM
I've only had a couple of things published, but the best things I ever wrote were not contrived. I have had the opposite of, "Writer's Block", and for me, that was when so many thoughts came up that I had to choose in which direction I wanted to go. Usually (because then I typed everything), I wound up with a zillion pieces of paper and had to take a break for awhile and pick up all the paper that missed the garbage can. I think you are on the right track here because creativity often jumps ahead of our, "everyday" thinking, and sort of leads us to a different place-sometimes-much better than where we thought we were going.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Going to seed - our fate?
Posted: 10/29/2008 12:48:34 AM
Sounds like your friend has given up. When I see anyone who doesn't bathe, has greasy hair, doesn't pay attention to grooming, I see someone who is definitely depressed. But the answer is-none of us know what is to become of us and if we can possibly spend the emotional time and energy to help someone else, then maybe that grace we show will be shown to us.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 55 (view)
 
What would you say to her if you were her close friend?
Posted: 10/29/2008 12:43:13 AM
I would gently tell her pretty much what you did and add the question, "Why do you think you don't deserve better?"
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 83 (view)
 
What's wrong with sex before marriage?
Posted: 10/29/2008 12:37:02 AM
Many good Christians make mistakes, same as non-Christians. I am far from perfect, but being from a Christian home, brought up with Christian principles, for me-sex before marriage is wrong because it's unification, not just sport. If you have no spiritual ties to the Bible, and what the Lord said really doesn't matter to you, then it seems you are the norm and those of us who choose not to have sex before marriage are somehow labeled as weird or not normal. I believe I am normal in every way, but just because one has urges doesn't mean one has to act upon them. What can you give to someone you love, that would be more precious than your whole self? I know it's not, "adult" to think this way in this society where people pass themselves around like M & M's, but for me-it is totally an issue of morality, and though I would never dare judge anyone else, I do hold a standard for myself.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Would you date someone that wanted to go to a religious festival or church for a first date?
Posted: 10/28/2008 11:45:00 PM
It depends on what kind of church for me-I'm not Celtic, New Age, etc. and it would be uncomfortable for me to attend services in a church so opposite my own. But if it was traditional, and I liked the person, I'd probably say, "Why not?" Sometimes things like that can be fun-but if someone is so radical they judge you if you don't feel comfortable in that denomination, then you have found yourself a genuine, dyed in the wool, control freak. Run, don't walk.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
The Budget
Posted: 10/28/2008 11:19:39 PM
There's a budget?
I thought they just printed more when they wanted more....
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 38 (view)
 
broken hearts
Posted: 10/28/2008 11:05:45 PM
Why should he ever leave when he's got the cupcake and the pie? If he comes crying around, ask him to make a decision because if he doesn't-you will. Sometimes people seem more attractive for some weird reason, because you can't have them. If you did have him, what would you have? A cheater and liar? You are young and beautiful and you don't need this complication. How DARE he say it would kill him to see you out with another guy when he's living with someone! If something doesn't happen soon, I'd say two out of three people will get very hurt in this situation, and both of them are of the same gender....
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Just that stupid
Posted: 10/28/2008 10:54:30 PM
You are not stupid, you are at least, in infatuation...but if he is selfish, no matter how kind and loving he is when he wants to be, you would be dealt a horrible blow to get permanently involved. As time goes on, hopefully, we grow as a couple together, should we be so fortunate to be a couple...and that takes work on both sides. If you work at it, and he doesn't feel like working at it, you may be lonelier with him than you are without him. Grief takes time to heal, and heal you will! This is old advice and not neccessarily what people want to hear, but you are worth more than to be treated the way you have been, by a switch of a man that turns on and off. You are obviously loving, and I am sure, in time, someone will find you or you will find him, and both of you will be stronger for what you have been through. Life is not fair! But we can't change anyone except ourselves.
I wish you every happiness with a man who deserves you!
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Got the Dissapearing act,was it because of pics?
Posted: 10/28/2008 10:49:08 PM
I'm sure you are hurt, because no one likes to feel they've been "dismissed, " especially if they feel it might be because of pictures-but anyone can be anyone behind a keyboard, and there are many people on these dating sites that are married, wasting time, write a few times, call a few times, then think they've found someone, "better" (those people are time wasters because instead of focusing on one person to get to really know, they are always, "hunting" for Mr./Ms. Perfect...) Post pictures with your profile if you don't have any, and let the chips fall where they may. Self confidence will assure you that if you are the best you can be, and it's not good enough, move on and find someone who can appreciate you for who you are.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Does it matter if a woman is a good cook?
Posted: 10/28/2008 10:37:39 PM
That was his way out, Dear...men now days can do everything for themselves in the way of homemaking and don't usually feel attracted to a woman because she can cook, sew, or present him with great smelling laundry.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
she is thinking of ex boyfriend
Posted: 10/28/2008 10:32:31 PM
It means she is very immature and insensitive to your feelings. People can think about anyone they choose, but to voice it to someone who loves them shows a really distasteful side to that person's nature. She's probably either trying to manipulate you in to moving to where she is more quickly than you want to, or warning you...either way, it would be a lot easier on you to move on and let her, "think" about you....
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
What am I doing WRONG?
Posted: 10/28/2008 10:18:20 PM
The devils, angels, loving the elephants and hogs really didn't inspire me much.
But I'll have some of whatever you are on, please and thank you.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
my boyfriend gives his kids everything they want
Posted: 10/28/2008 10:04:01 PM
I totally agree with FullspeedaheadO8-If someone has this much difficulty while dating, what future is there for you? You would resent the kids, he would resent you, and the kids would likely play all that up to the hilt. I feel sorry for any children who have to live with only one parent due to any circumstances---but in the long run, spoiled children wind up being spoiled adults and when they can't get their way...it's not pretty...believe me.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
dont know what to do
Posted: 10/2/2008 12:24:26 PM
After all the abuse, I'd say you might not be in love, you might be in, "dependance". I'd look inward and ask why I thought I deserved to be treated worse than dirt. Whatever you do, don't believe anything else he tells you, don't sleep with him, and when anyone mentions his name, say, "Who?" Trite but true-those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. By the way-maybe you are on here because you are simply lonely right now. Take some time to sort out what YOU want, then work toward that goal. How can you be the icing on someone else's cake when you aren't even sure about your own emotions right now? There's free counseling all over the place if you seek it out-at best you'll get help. At worst, you will have made a step toward healing. Best wishes.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Why qualify friendship?
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:46:36 PM
I've experienced the same thing. Since I only want friendship at this point in my life, I have looked at profiles of those who say the same thing...then it turns out they don't even want to talk to you if you are heavy set or have kids, or whatever. I always thought friendships were the best kind of relationships because they usually last a lot longer than romances...but if a person is that qualifying from the gitgo...they probably wouldn't make a good friend to me as I run from any type of control issue.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
For our Soldiers!!!! PLEASE POST
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:41:22 PM
Thanks. What you are doing for us really means a lot.
We appreciate you!
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
2 KIDS, ONE FINE OTHER MULTIPLE DISABILITIES
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:06:27 AM
As the mom of a wonderful young man affected by autism, I'd say you are right on to be upfront. If a person really wants to meet you, they will eventually find out anyway, and you both might wind up uncomfortable. Yes, some men will bail, but there are others who are understanding and know life can throw some odd curves at you...your child would probably like to relay that himself....
I'm not looking for the men who can't handle life's adverse circumstances. I'm looking for the one who cares in spite of them. You will find someone who is bigger than your child's disabilities. They are few and far between, but they are out there and they are to be cherished! Best wishes.
 Sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 75 (view)
 
How old is too old?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:59:51 AM
If you are having to ask, you might be too young for him, but in my humble opinion, and because I am waaaayyyyy old, I'd say age is not the best gage for forming a relationship...some people mature at 18, some never do. Do what's right for you in your own heart and follow what your own instincts tell you. No one is an expert on you but God and you!
 sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
What is a good reply to a man's msg to let him know he's a j*rk?
Posted: 1/30/2006 2:50:09 PM
Either ignore his last message or if you have to say anything, you might tell him not to write anymore because you are busy with more important things like watching your toenails grow or watching the dust settle on your coffee table.

Or if you really want to dig, say, "I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you, but the new guy in my life keeps me pretty busy what with our vacation to Bermuda and helping him decorate his new office building.

;)
 
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