Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 Author Thread: A man with ED? Questions please give info.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
A man with ED? Questions please give info.
Posted: 5/17/2013 1:29:20 PM
For the vast majority of men with ED, the problem is mental, not physical. The rule of thumb is that if he can ever get an erection, he can always get an erection. So, the first question to ask is if he can EVER get an erection on his own. If he can, ie "morning wood", then the problem is between his ears. While MOST men over forty DO NOT have ED, or ED related issues; that is the age where it starts to kick in for some men; and there are very few issues that can affect a man's ego as negatively as having difficulty getting, or maintaining an erection. As far a Viagra not working; have him try Cialis and/or Levitra; frequently, if one drug in a class doesn't work, another drug in the same class may work wonders. Good luck.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
dirty talk
Posted: 12/18/2012 9:48:53 PM
Dirty talk can be very stimulating; an ex of mine could actually orgasm from nothing but talk. We did it in a restaurant on time, lol. I was talking dirty, under my breath, and she had an orgasm! For pointers, there's a lot of great info/ideas on here. To begin with, I recommend simply describing graphically exactly what you are already doing. You could also sit down before sex, and simply talk. If she wants YOU to come up with stuff just ask her specifically, "do you want me to call you my whore" etc. Putting the "my" in there makes it explicit that you are NOT referring to her being with anyone but YOU; which may make it more comfortable for both of you. It's also best tospecifically talk about WHICH words are a turn on, and which are potentially a turn off; "whore" and "slut" may be turn on's, where as "****" may be a turn off; pu_ssy may be a turn on, where as "kunt" may be a mood killer, etc, etc. Ask her before, so you reduce the risk of hitting any speed bumps. If you are uncomfortable, just start slowly with something like "You like my hard c_ock, don't you baby?" and play it from there.

If you think for a moment that women don't like dirty talk, read "Fifty Shades of Grey"...New York Times Best Seller for a very long time; and it sold mostly to women. I think that once you start talking, and she starts reacting, that talking dirty will come easier and easier. Enjoy.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 155 (view)
Do men really care if a woman has an orgasm????
Posted: 12/18/2012 1:58:51 PM
Oh HELL yes! That's why I'm there. I can relate to that1mofo... I was standing in a room talking to some friends, (I wasn't wearing a shirt) when I turned around to leave the entire room broke up laughing. I looked in the mirror, and had three perfectly symetrical claw marks down each shoulder blade! The question isn't IF she can orgasm, it's how many times, and how many different ways! Also from that1mofo, I get off seeing that look on her face, and the looks on the faces of her friends.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 369 (view)
How to find out penis size
Posted: 12/17/2012 7:34:51 PM
If he posted honest pics, and gave honest info; and it really matters to you...ask him.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
unable to orgasm
Posted: 12/17/2012 7:30:24 PM
Wow, this post is all over the place, from psychiatric advice to sexual insight.

On the meds. the SSRI's, for depression, are notorious for causing decreased sexual desire, and difficulty with orgasm; but for goodness sake, DON'T PUT THEM DOWN without consulting your shrink. Wellbutrin's inclusion here suprised me, as it's a drug RECOMENDED to people having sexual difficulties, so be very wary when accepting lay advice/recommendations. My each of your meds, ALL OF THEM, and see if sexual issues are potential side effects. On the ones the DO have sexual side effects, speak with THAT physician, and see if there is a less offensive alternative.

Regarding your lovers...if you can't get yourself off, you certainly can't hold your lovers responsible. The problem is at your house, deal with it there; and good luck.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 122 (view)
Posted: 4/17/2012 8:20:28 PM
msg 27... the guy is brilliant :204:
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
Thinking of you
Posted: 4/17/2012 8:08:53 PM
Given that there are literally billions of men on this planet; and whoever is doing the masturbating has access to tens of thousands online; I think it is absolutely flattering; regardless of whether I'd ever be interested in "fulfilling a fantasy".

I'll take "that's awesome, I'm flattered" for $200 Alex!
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
How does one avoid putting sex on a pedestal?
Posted: 4/9/2012 11:59:40 PM
Never tried a pedestal! Try the dining room table, living room floor, or stairwell!
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 76 (view)
Mature and oral sex
Posted: 4/9/2012 11:56:15 PM
^^^^^^ what he said... I may be aging, but I refuse to mature! I don't like the same things I liked when I was younger; because I know so much more now! I'd be bored to death sticking with what I knew in my late teens and early 20's! "Mature" is just another word for so much more knowledgable!
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
Can you build a better lover?
Posted: 4/9/2012 11:50:24 PM
The magic answer is... does he care? Is he the type of lover who blew his last lover's socks off; but just hasn't figured you out yet? If so... teach. If you've been with someone for a long time; and know them backwards and forewards, going to someone completely different can be quite difficult. Also, regarding kinks... share. You may be surprised by the response. On the other hand, if he really doesn't care, and is just looking for an O... you don't have a prayer.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
pain of sex
Posted: 3/24/2012 4:27:25 PM
Micki was right, as usual; if it gets comfortable and fun, then it's NOT vaginismus.
My recommendation is to spend a little more time on foreplay and stretching you out a bit before penetration. Use lots of lube prior to either of these techniques. One method of stretching the vagina involves inserting 2-3 fingers, and stretching down in a U type motion, back and forth. It's a technique OB's use to help stretch the vaginal opening during childbirth. I would also recommend a play technique that involves him building up, and eventually using all of his fingers inside of you...but well short of fisting. Either of these techniques will also help you relax mentally in preperation of intercourse. Sex shouldn't hurt; you just need to relax and prepare. Enjoy.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 133 (view)
The Madonna/Whore Syndrome
Posted: 3/16/2012 9:09:17 PM
The Madonna/whore thing is maladaptive and pathological by definition; and is NOT the same thing as getting bored with your partner; which is also maladaptive; but much easier to fix.

I think I read that both married men and married women are more likely to orgasm with a stranger than a spouse,… i.e. sex is better when you don't love someone and it's "just sex" but not so great when it is love, over the years with different partners.

Personally, I can’t relate to this at all. In my experience, the sex has simply continued to get better and better over time. If it’s just an orgasm you’re looking for; I’ve found that once you figure your lover out physically and emotionally, you can bring them to orgasm in much less time with much less effort; and that’s when sex can get really fun. If sex is boring either buy a book, or see a counselor.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 74 (view)
Woman who never had orgasm during sex?
Posted: 11/26/2011 8:31:12 PM
I haven't read most of the other posts, so maybe I'm being redundant; BUT this post tends to be "all about you".
Alright, so here's the deal. ALOT of women have not or rarely have an orgasm during sex. Obviously unless the sex is amazing, she'll be in total bliss, BUT... I've got news for you... women are different. I don't care how "amazing" you are, MOST women do not orgasm strictly from vaginal sex.

The problem is she says she gets off with oral, yet has NEVER gotten off while having sex (intercourse). She orgasms from oral sex, and THIS is a problem?

What's the deal? I've never had this problem, and now with her, it's the dreaded problem. Is it that she's too tense?

I can't figure this out...
One: assume a position on your knees... lower your head... and thank God you have a lover who can orgasm orally!

Two: NEVER never never approach it like it's a "problem", thereby making her self conscious about "her problem".

Three: Learn her body, and her reactions, like the back of your hand. Find out what SHE likes, and enjoys, and give this to her in spades.

Four: THEN you can start to experiment and expand and see if you can expand her orgasmic capabilities; but this will never work unless you can drop whatever it is you are doing and bring her right back to the brink of orgasm almost immediately. I.E. you have to KNOW HER!

I recommend G-spot work. Stimulate her g-spot while you are getting her off orally. From there you work up to being able to get her to orgasm from g-spot alone, without clitoral stim. THEN you can try to work on orgasm with penetration.

Think of it as a quest, LOL... NOT a problem!
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 232 (view)
have you ever tasted breastmilk?
Posted: 11/9/2011 7:42:38 PM

Just not in the last 51 years
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 547 (view)
Circumcised vs Un-Circumcised...
Posted: 11/4/2010 9:35:15 PM

...We are getting off topic here from foreskins to tonsils ...
I like the thought of foreskin going by tonsils
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 235 (view)
female G-Spot...
Posted: 10/26/2010 6:33:22 PM

omg that is such bunk! This so called A-spot is the lower lining of the cervix which is made of the same tissue that is in the g spot and is is tied directly to the same neuronal network as the G spot. So what does the A stand for anyway?
"A" stands for "anterior" as in anterior fornix of the cervix. It's the curved area you will feel at the base of the cervix. This is a great spot to give her a lot of orgasms, without a lot of effor on your part, LOL.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
low interest in sex - put that in profile?
Posted: 10/19/2010 3:55:27 PM
I haven't read a single response before posting this, so....

Sexual compatibility is HUGE in ANY relationship. That, (your diminished sexual appetite) I feel, is absolutely something you should put in your profile. First off, those women who are also happy with having sex only a few times a year would be drawn to you. For them, you would be a gem. Also, it's not fair, for those women who feel an active sex life is important to invest the time and effort with you, to later find you are not compatible.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 54 (view)
He says you kiss like a excite him...but
Posted: 10/17/2010 2:49:50 PM
I didn't read all the posts, so sorry if I missed something. Things to bear in mind, 1/the VAST majority of erectile problems are between his ears. AND, they are NEVER HER fault!! Non psychologic erectile issues include smoking, alcohol, (other recreational drugs), heart disease, and diabetes. Bottom line, if he can EVER get an erection without "fix a flat" (love that analogy), then it's not a medical issue.
I'd certainly hate to think I'm the cause of it.
First things first... PUT THIS DOWN! If he can only get an erection if you have large breasts, are under five feet, are blonde, thin or Asian, then it's on him... period.

The magic to getting an erection is being able to relax. The very best thing you can do is to completely ignore it; act like it's not an issue, and it won't be; act like it's a potential deal breaker, and he wouldn't be able to get a hard on, on a bet. Just like a woman with an orgasm; put pressure on her to come, and you don't have a prayer. In this case particularly, you said he had recently fathered a child... I see so many potential issues here alone to give a man erectile problems for a long time; guilt can be one seriously "deflating" issue.

One potential fix is to use"fix a flat." Use it on a short term basis, he'll get used to being with you, AND having an erection, and presto chango he no longer needs accommodating.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
sex noises and talking
Posted: 10/17/2010 2:16:58 PM

As long as your talking doesn't interfere with my fantasy during sex
Crying shame that you can't share your fantasy WITH your lover; so his talking could actually AUGMENT your fantasy instead of interfering with it. If he's doing one thing, and you're fantasizing another, you're both having sex, but neither of you are there... very sad.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 65 (view)
let's all get real
Posted: 10/17/2010 3:03:06 AM

wont you just tell the truth and be normal? That's how these forums can help , true questions, true answers
Ummmmm... would you like them to write their truth, or yours? I've dated the woman you described... more than once.

The issue is that you BOTH need to be attentive lovers. When you both "click" that kind of stuff happens, because you WANT it to happen. Maybe she learned to wake him up with a BJ by him waking her up with his head between her thighs...
sometimes I want the favor returned
bingo... maybe you've never done any of those things because no one has ever done them for you... that's sad. Unfortunately, there are lots of selfish lovers out there. Also, as you aluded to, there are times when we are ALL too tired, or too absorbed in something else, whether it be work or personal, to want sex. However, when you click with someone, sex in the front yard, back yard, pool, roof, or dining room table; or first thing in the morning, during a quick trip home at lunch, or in the middle of the night; are things you do because you WANT to.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
sex noises and talking
Posted: 10/17/2010 2:01:48 AM
Personally, I think noises/talking is critical to good sex. How do you know if you've hit a good spot, a bad spot, or something totally benign? I WANT her to tell me when I'm wherever it is she wants me to be doing whatever it is she wants me doing. Think about it... you're setting around talking later and she says, "Wow, you almost had me there for a moment; then you changed up and I lost it." and you don't even know WHEN that moment was!

Turn offs? If it's just "porno talk" and she really isn't feeling what she's saying; or if it's a continuous chatter... both are a buzz kill. Otherwise, give me those little moans, and tell me what you like...
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
Awesome Sex
Posted: 10/17/2010 1:53:37 AM
Actually, I think it's more basic than that... nobody would post if the sex sucked, or was mediocre. "Yeah, I don't know; nothing I did would get her off; and she was pretty unremarkable herself." Doesn't make much of a post.

These forums also tend to draw individuals at the extremes... those who truly enjoy sex, and are looking for anything they can find that might enhance the experience; and those who are either anti sex; or very selfish. For the first group, the sex really is awesome; and for the second group... see above.

Someone stated that Viagra is for both sexes... hate to break it to you; but even the studies done by the Viagra people showed NO DIFFERENCE between placebo and Viagra. Think about it... do you think for a second that if anything even remotely resembling a positive effect was shown, that the Viagra people wouldn't be spending tens of millions of dollars on commercials? Have you EVER seen a commercial where they said, "Works for women as well"? Nope, because it doesn't. If she is physically capable of getting wet; you need to take your time, and see that she is. If she isn't physically capable... that's why God invented lubes.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 61 (view)
How long is appropriate to go without sex (with a partner) to consider yourself a virgin again?
Posted: 8/7/2010 1:24:03 AM

How long is appropriate to go without sex (with a partner) to consider yourself a virgin again?
What day is this?

Actually, it's a trick question! It is NEVER "appropriate" to go extended periods without sex. It may be "necessary" or even "mandatory", but it is never "appropriate".

I don't think I've gone 2 weeks without since I was a teenager...
church... you old whore
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
Smoking while having sex?
Posted: 8/7/2010 1:19:36 AM
Just another quick observation...some people alluded to it...but, you described "slow sensual love making", and said it had been going on 20-30 minutes...

Here's the deal; nobody likes a Kawasaki lover; or a Honda lover for that matter (2-stroke vs 4-stroke); and women will say they like a man with stamina. With that being said; I don't know of ANY women who like penis in vagina stroking for 20-30 minutes; and d*mn sure not in the same position. Bottom line is it quite simply get old, and boring. I've heard more than one guy brag about how good he was, and his idea of good was that he could have intercourse for very extended periods without an orgasm. I've had love making sessions that quite literally lasted 10-12 hours; and I may have only had one orgasm the entire time, (or maybe 3-4, LOL) BUT, there was a LOT of variety in there. If you have to stroke for 20-30, AND you made it sound like she interrupted you at 20-30min; you might want to consider using other methods of stimulation to get you close; then use penetration for the last little bit, until you get off.

YES women like slow sensual love making; but NOT in ONE position. You've got to mix it up, roll her around, top, side, bottom, back, legs up, legs down, over the bed, off the bed, rub, touch, feel, lick, kiss, blow, and carress,(and you might even consider untying her ) my point is, I don't give a d*mn how incredible a position feels when you first start it, after more than a few minutes, it gets really really old.

If you were maybe stretching the truth a bit, trying to impress, about the 20-30 minutes, missed the boat. Personally, after 20-30 minutes, of nothing but in and out, in the SAME position, I'm surprised she wasn't in pain. At some point, it's just friction.

Bottom line: 20-30 minutes is NOT good.

Ok, maybe it wasn't such a "quick" observation.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
Smoking while having sex?
Posted: 8/5/2010 5:25:27 PM
I've had smokin' sex before

slow, relaxed, sensual love-makingin a relaxed position, not too feverish -it was going on for quite a while, at least 20-30 minutes, when she reached over to her bedside table & picked up a cigarette, & lighter
I'm just guessing you didn't have her full attention.

Bottom line: actions speak louder than words; and what she did there spoke volumes.

I'm not harshing on you. You may be a truly incredible and talented lover; but none of us can be "incredible" with everyone; we're all too different, with wide varying likes and dislikes; and you and she were obviously not a good sexual match.

We ALL like to find blame with the other person for why a situation didn't work out. The deal is that sometimes it's just not a good fit. To answer your question; I don't do smokers either; it's a filthy habit. However, the smoking didn't "cause the breakup" it's the attitude behind it. Whether she ever lit up or not, you guys were not a good match.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
Would you get yourself done if...
Posted: 8/5/2010 5:12:45 PM

if you're going to get "facty" about stuff you may want to state just how many of the 8 week old humans never see the light of day due to natural causes. You brought it up, you can look up the data. Besides, I don't care; AND that has absolutely nothing to do with the point I was making. What are the actual numbers of spontaneous abortions per 100,000 pregnancies? Ummmm...a lot?
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
Would you get yourself done if...
Posted: 8/5/2010 4:04:32 PM
Alright D4VD4N! Now your getting the idea! First off, let me warn you; that there are some world class sexual/sexuality experts on these forums. Honestly; you truly have no idea who you're bowing up against in here; I've had my hat handed to me on more than one occassion. So, if you're going to "state a fact" or an "opinion" that contains facts; you need to be ready to defend it. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being ignorant; as long as you are willing to adjust accordingly as your knowledge base expands...we are ALL ignorant on far more topics than we are knowledgable on. Now, a bit of a further clarification:
a termination is when the embro hasnt even turned into a baby, so to speak..."An abortion pill. This is for pregnancies up to about nine weeks ...
The basic structures and relations of all the major organ systems of the body emerge during the fourth through the eighth weeks of embryonic development. past the eight-week mark, when the organism is no longer called an embryo and instead is called a fetus.
Week 9
• Fetal heart tone (the sound of the heart beat)can be heard using doppler
• Nipples and hair follicles begin to form.
• Location of the elbows and toes are visible.
• Spontaneous limb movements may be detected by ultrasound.
• All essential organs have at least begun formation.

So, by week nine, you have a head, eyes, arms, legs, hands, fingers, and toes, it is SPONTANEOUSLY MOVING; AND has a detectable heart beat! So, your abortion pill/process may indeed involve a fetus as opposed to an embryo. Dude, don't get your hackles up and take it personally if someone calls you on something...just nail them with facts. You rocked with your references with web addresses! FYI, what hit a cord with most on here was how flippantly you addressed the subject. If you're willing to listen, AND able to back up your statements with refrenced facts, you'll be fine on here.

In 2005, the most recent year for which data were available, seven women were reported to have died as a result of complications from known legal induced abortions.

In the United States, mortality from septic abortion rapidly declined after legalization of abortion. Death now occurs in less than 1 per 100,000 abortions. Figures for most European countries are similar to US rates.

considering that over 50 million abortions have taken place and you would be hard pressed to say they were all rape or doctor suggested due to possible harm from pregnancy.
WOOHOO!! That would mean that only 500 women have died! that is assuming your number is anywhere near accurate; and that all 50 million occured AFTER the legalization of abortion!
I know plenty of women who have had them who are not scarred mentally for life.
Cool. A lot of people have been hit by a bus and never had any problems I don't know the actual statistics; because everything I could find was posted by pro-abortionists; or pro-lifeist; neither of which can be remotely deemed to be accurate; and NONE of which sited ANY of the "many studies" that they referenced. However, while I BELIEVE that MOST women who have an abortion have minimal psychological complications; there are many for whom it is a devistating experience; and I say that being pro-choice.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 51 (view)
Can you get STUCK during sexual intercourse?
Posted: 8/5/2010 1:01:25 AM
I didn't read many of the responses; simply because there were a lot of ignorant things being said. "Lack of knowledge on a subject has certainly never limited spirited debate." or something like that...Goethe.

Yes, it is possible. Note the response from the Emergency Department Nurse right above me. I know of a case where a young couple got caught in a park, and she was so startled, and frightened, that her vagina spasmed. ( it). The real drag here was that they were both under aged, and both worked in the hospital across the street, where both of the fathers were physicians! They had to take them, conjoined, on a single gurney, into the emergency room they worked in, AND have their parents come down and sign releases so they could be treated. I understand one of the fathers (think it was the boy's dad actually) was quite verbally upset, and inappropriate with his son. All they needed to do was give the girl something by IV to relax her, but my bet is they are both in therapy to this day over it.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
Would you get yourself done if...
Posted: 8/4/2010 11:45:35 PM
D4VD4N Dude, I don't know if you are simply ignorant on the facts; or truly a piece of work. Regarding the intensity, and risk of the procedure on either a man, or a woman, please see my earlier post. Comparing the procedure (surgical sterilization) from a woman vs a man; is like comparing the Queen Mary to a row boat... there is simply no comparison.
its a very horrible situation to think about but it happens.
WTF are you talking about? Yes, reversing the procedure is a much more involved process; but it is still very highly effective; AND much simpler in men, than in women. You get snipped, you change your mind, you get unsnipped. Worse case scenario, they go in with micro surgery, harvest semen from the man, and you go with invitro... I have TWO grandsons born exactly that way! and they are both beautiful and healthy!
as far as i know, you take a tablet, which causes a mini period that makes you feel sick and ill for a few days. or atleast thats what i think happens from what ive heard. no stirrups and no baby (embro) gets sucked out. its just a period lol.
You, at least, had the decency to say "as far as I know..." What you described is "the morning after pill". It is designed for use in the case of an "accidental or unwanted" insemination. It MUST be taken very soon after intercourse, (you can google it) and is not a "get pregnant, and change your mind" kind of deal. If you wait until you know you are pregnant, it's WAY too late, and you are then looking at "terminating" a pregnancy. Termination of a pregnancy, under ANY circumstances does pose numerous potentially catastrophic complications, up to, and including, the death of the mother; can be, even if it is a successful, and "uneventful" termination, exceedingly traumatic, and life altering, for the mother; OR the father for that matter. When you define "life" is also a very personal decision. The Catholic faith, officially recognizes the "life" at the point of conception. Personally, I am pro choice; but it is STILL a deeply personal choice.

One time, many years ago, I thought I had a girl pregnant. I was terrified. By the time it had become an issue, we had had a major falling out; and there was NO interest in furthering a relationship. But, this would have been MY CHILD; and I had NO say, or control in the matter at all. Turns out she wasn't pregnant; but it was a very eye opening, and insightful experience.

Regarding it being "the woman's responsibility". Guess again wild man...if it YOUR child, YOU will have responsibility for the rest of you life! Period.

Bottom line: there is no pill for men; and, if the woman CAN take the pill, it's a generally safe, and secure, method of birth control. However, some women, for many reasons, CAN'T take the pill. In that case, the surgical procedure is infinitely simpler for men.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
How many people do you KNOW that have or have had an STD...?
Posted: 8/4/2010 11:12:44 PM
Back in the day, LOL, I really didn't think much about it. When I was 18, there was nothing out there you couldn't kill with a shot...or two. Then along came, what I guess was, the first herpes pandemic. Scared the sh1t out of me. I was fortunate, I guess, because the numbers in Arkansas, where I grew up, weren't huge. Then...along came AIDS. As I've mentioned numerous times before, I once lived in a homosexual household; (being the only straight male had many benefits, LOL; babes hang out with gay guys!) Anyway, for whatever reason, Arkansas's AIDS/HIV numbers were off the charts. This was back in the day when the person was diagnosed one day; and dead within a few weeks, to months at most. They had no warning; and, in the beginning, they didn't even know what was causing it, or how it was spread. I lost A LOT of friends. I went back a few weeks ago, and asked a friend, (the owner of the house I used to live in) if he had ever sat down, and tried to count up all the people we knew who had died. He simply said "No", and was silent. I immediately changed the subject, and we moved on. Initially, the gay community did wonders policing themselves; and became almost militant about promoting, and using, condoms. Since then, the disease has mutated; medicines have been invented; and it has been reclassified from a "fatal" disease, to a "chronic" one; and people have once again become "relaxed" about the condom thing.

Honestly, my biggest concern now days is HSV-2. To my knowledge, I've only known a couple of people who were positive; although, the numbers alone tell me that that is WAY under represented. The people I knew with who got it, were initially devistated; I honestly don't know how they're managing now; because I haven't "quizzed" them about it.

The "lesser" ones; or the self limiting ones, don't really bother me a lot, as far as dwelling on them...HSV-2 concerns me. Even though ALL of the medical literature says that the effects of HSV-2 are WAY over hyped by the media; I guess I'm a product of the media hype.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 294 (view)
Has anyone ever used ice cubes for sex?
Posted: 8/4/2010 1:04:13 PM
It's all about altering sensory input and stimulation. Prolonged holding of an icecube anywhere on anyone can get extremely uncomfortable. However...holding one in your hand...above say...her nipple...and letting it slowly drip onto her, and subsequently trickle off... It can be especially entertaining if, for whatever reason, she doesn't have full mobility with her hands... and you can even step that up a notch if...say...besides not being able to use her hands, something also happens to be obstructing her vision...and she isn't quite sure where the next ice cold drop is going to...well...drop

Of course, the only gentlemanly thing to do if an ice cold drop were to somehow hit her someplace that's quite sensitive, would be to immediately warm that area up. I've found a nice warm tongue; or possibly very gently brushing the cool area with your lips, while breathing very warmly, to work wonders for alleviating her momentary discomfort.

Mix blindfolds and soft restraints with a little imagination deviousness, and it can make for a memorable evening
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
Would you get yourself done if...
Posted: 8/4/2010 12:48:07 PM

Bend over then.........
Nailed him You GO girl!
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
Would you get yourself done if...
Posted: 8/4/2010 12:38:07 PM
Just to clarify my post; when I said "since it's so easy for women...why?" I was referring to the vast majority for whom taking a low dose pill is not an issue. For those for whom the pill presents significant health or well being issues...then ABSOLUTELY...

church gave an example of a very extreme case; and the odds are high that either the guy in question didn't follow post-op instructions (ie got to knocking things around too early, and ripped out a stitch or two), OR whoever did the surgery was incompetent. ALWAYS check on your surgeons competence; and the best way to do that is to ask a nurse, or a doctor who DOESN'T work with them. Asking another patient is worthless, they honestly have no clue.

However, my point, and there really is one, is that surgery is serious; and it is a MUCH larger, more complicated ssurgery, with a much higher down side, for women, than it is for men. For men, it is a very simple snip and clip, and it's done with them wide awake. For women, they literally have to open the abdominal cavity, and go digging around. Complications from anesthesia alone can be devistating; not to mention cutting through layers of muscle; and the MUCH greater potential for infection or post-op complications. With modern techniques, it's also easier to reverse a vasectomy than it is a tubal.

So, if you're a couple, and surgery is the only option, then man up boys, and bend over. If there is ANY possibility that you may, at some point, want a Mulligan; just tell your physician not to get too enthusiastic removing parts, in case you ever want it revised.

One of the beautiful things about being 51 is that 90+ percent of the women I date are post menopausal It's all about disease prevention; NOT birth control
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 119 (view)
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 8/4/2010 12:18:28 PM
deerdog Always a pleasure to hear from you
almost 100% of my dates have either took me home with them or went home with me .. not that it has ever presented a problem ...
Actually, I was referring to the INITIAL MEET. Once you've met someone, and either sized them up, or decided you needed to see them some more before you had them sized up, THEN you can decide whether or not to invite them over, or to go over to their place. I have no issues with that at all; and have on numerous occassions ended up one place or the other, but that was AFTER I met them elsewhere. I'm saying it's a REALLY BAD IDEA for the very first time you lay eyes on someone, for it to be at your door; male or female.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 291 (view)
Has anyone ever used ice cubes for sex?
Posted: 8/3/2010 11:10:15 PM

Has anyone ever used ice cubes for sex?

Well, I was married to one once.
You are KILLIN' me here!!!! I went out with one once. (Sorry, that's the end of that particular story. No idea whatever happened to her. Never really followed up actually.)
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 115 (view)
Meeting at your/his house on first date
Posted: 8/3/2010 10:57:58 PM

Before I got shot down at the last minute, my potential date was planning to invite me to her apartment. Now I wonder if that was a sign that she was never interested in me and just playing around for the entire time.
Please re-work this in your head; because, I've re-worked it several times in mine...and I cannot figure a way that it makes sense. Maybe it's all on me...but I don't have a clue what you just said.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
Would you get yourself done if...
Posted: 8/3/2010 10:29:50 PM
To the best of my knowledge, there are no "fruits of my loins." I REALLY really really like it that way. I'm not "done", because the options to women are so ubiqutious and "simple" that, to me, it doesn't make sense that any woman would NOT be infertile, other than by design. IF for whatever reason, my s.o. was no longer fertile; and COULD NOT take meds to assure so...then...OH H*LL YES I would "get done"; otherwise, since it is so easy for women...why?

Birth control is not "sexist", per se. It's a science issue. Women, on the whole, produce ONE egg per month; and they are born with ALL of those eggs already in line. Men, on the other hand, produce (I forget the exact range) many, each and every day; and many of us "expend" them each and every day (sorry, couldn't make up my mind which character to use in support). Anyway, the "born with a few" vs "produce many EVERY day" issue makes male contraception a much sticker (no pun intended) issue. Add to that the fact that reversing a "tubal" is much easier than reversing a vasectomy, and you have the rub. Men, are not only much less responsible; we are much more difficult to "do".

And, "a guy is still able to produce a child..." until death actually, for evolutionary reasons that should be obvious. Evolution has to do with survival of the fittest. Men don't carry, or technically nurture, children; so there is no "evolutionary" reason to limit their ability to priduce. "Back in the day", if a man wasn't "fit" enough to produce and protect; he was dead. Later reproduction wasn't an issue; and wasn't factored in.'s choice.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
I Must Be Strange...
Posted: 8/3/2010 9:53:30 PM
Big fun wave Dude, you really just brought up a one page thread from over a year ago to say " is usually important in a relationship..."

Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
Posted: 8/3/2010 9:48:01 PM

I'm not sure why that would be good news unless you consider having HSV1 to be preferrable to HSV2 for some reason. I admit that the social stigma of a cold sore is not as bad as herpes in the genital area, but that's only a social stigma that shouldn't exist.
Good, because HSV-2 is notorious for "frequent" flare ups; and HSV-1 is notorious for NO flareups. NO flare ups is, I'm assuming here, MUCH preferable to FREQUENT flare ups; AND having the NO flare up variety gives you partial immunity to the frequent flare up variety. Work with me's like the emperior's new clothes...what you have freaks people out, BUT, nobody knows you have it, and there aren't any symptoms.
Overblown by the media,
Bingo. And, Ill be honest, they got me too. I Really really really don't want HSV-2; but ALL medical media say, " really isn't a big deal." My one liner here is, "Detroit is in the automobile business...they manufacture automobiles. ... CNN is in the NEWS business...they manufacture news..."
Thinking logically, however, I am skeptical that it would transfer at all easily, simply because if it DID, then pretty much everyone on the planet would by now have both oral and genital herpes.
Ok with me...'Google' "HSV". If you are incapable of descerning between the actual data, vs the dramatized, politically motivated data; then it won't matter anyway.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 79 (view)
ladies and asian men???
Posted: 8/3/2010 12:18:53 AM

but he seems kinda shy or apprehensive about meeting and mingling with women because he is afraid of the stereotypes that women may or may not judge asian men.
BINGO!!! Entirely on him. Anybody concerned about what someone MIGHT do or think...needs to grow a set. Are there women out there who discriminate against Asian men? Absolutely. So fcuking what? There are also absolutely women out there who CRAVE Asian men. There are a lot of women who hate balding men. Not my problem. Their loss, their problem. Next...
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
how to tell if your being used
Posted: 8/2/2010 11:28:46 PM
church you're always good for a thoughtful, although, in my case, usually contrary opinion, LOL. Work with me dude..."kind of disagree".
She was bloody awful the first few times... Now the sex we have is really, really great sex...
Ok, technically, you got me here; but the issue isn't really how "technically" experienced, or profecient, she was; but "did she give a d@mn?" I've had a lover who, when we were first together, she almost never performed oral sex; because "a man had to 'deserve' it." On the surface, that attitude would be enough to entice me to get dressed. Under the surface, she had had more than one abusive, domineering, partner/husband. (only one husband). However, she did care; she was attentive; and she WANTED to be a good lover. Before we parted ways, she LOVED giving oral sex, to the point of enjoying deepthroating, etc; and she was capable of nearly unlimited orgasms, from many different stimuli. However, I've also been with women who, from looks alone, could have taken their pick of any man in the establishment; but once in bed, not only weren't technically profecient; they truly didn't care. They sucked, (or didn't) but really weren't concerned. Again, I don't give a d@mn how good they looked; I had zero interest in a return engagement.
The only reason I ever had for not calling a girl back was that I was looking for a new girl the next night...
I think most guys who don't call the girl back simply know that they can find a new and different girl within a short while...
Dude...I don't know what all you've got going for you; besides obviously being very bright; and quite confident; but you're going to have to trust me on this one...not ALL guys are confident, and/or capable, enough to "land another better one tomorrow". AND, during those periods of time when I was simply looking for sex, if I found someone who "was all that", she got a call back. Period. I can only speak for myself; BUT, I can say that while I have had numerous "one night stands", I have NEVER had great sex, with someone whose personality I could in the least bit tolerate, and simply "moved on" or not called back, because I "just wanted another one" or "just wanted something else." One of the tricks to getting naked, and intimate, with someone is that it allows you to get to know much more about them much quicker. Maybe she relaxes enough with you once she gets naked for you to find out she's a racist fashist. Or maybe it takes getting naked to find out how much she liked/disliked sex in all of her past lives; or how being abducted by aliens allowed her to become multi-orgasmic; or what a ragging f*cking pr1ck her last bf was because he wanted pre-nuptuals... you can learn a LOT about someone when your naked...and a whole lot more if you're naked and drunk
I'd hate to think that many guys would decide the girl was worth dating based on how she fcuked....
Guilty. If she did nothing, but allowed me to please her; or, if the only time she did anything I remotely enjoyed was when I asked...I'm gone. I was once with a woman who had a very extensive sexual past. I have no idea how many orgasms she had; but, she had several. She didn't even attempt to go down on me until I asked...LATE into the evening. That's not's selfish. (for those who are even thinking it...YES, I am VERY clean) In that case, and others, YES; there was NOT a second date, based solely on how they were as a lover. She didn't have to be good; but she did have to give a d*mn.
I don't give a rats' ass if she's lousy lover... as long as she's willing to learn... and enthusiastic... then she can be a wonderful bed partner...
Love ya man! My point was that there are actually women out there who are not aware that women, simply by showing up, aren't good lovers. ie, there are women out there who think if they are naked, wet, and willing, that that is as good as it gets; and a man has nothing else to ask for. I don't care if she's "Miss March"; if that's all she has to offer, I'd rather masturbate. At least then I KNOW my partner CARES about my happiness.
contrary to the opinions expressed by some men, men do use women simply for sex.... I know I have... point was that simply because there isn't a second date, DOESN'T mean "she was used." If a woman finds that this is a pattern...she needs to look someplace besides the depravity of all men for her answers. When I was younger, I had more than one woman assume that because we had sex, that there was automatically going to be a relationship. Maybe it's one of those things that comes with age; but I would MUCH rather NOT have sex; than have someone be hurt in the morning. My recommendation, to both men and women, is to ASK WHAT THE "RULES"/expectations are; BEFORE you get naked; or even before you even think about getting naked later. If you don't like, or are not willing to accept, whatever those rules happen to be...then don't get naked.

Are there as*holes out there who will lie, cheat, beg, borrow, and steal, in order to get laid...absolutely; but you can't live your life as though everyone you meet is like that; because, quite simply, they aren't.
If sex really was the key to long term relationships, in truth most of us would still be with the person we lost our virginity to
The "key" here is the word "the". No, sex is not THE key. There is no single magic key to a good relationship; but there are aspects, or "parts" that are absolutely critical. That's like saying the "sail" is THE KEY to a boat. Well, you can have the best sail man ever put a needle to; and without the little grommets to run the line through to hold it to the mast, you don't have d1ck. While sex is not "THE KEY", sexual compatability is absolutely critical. Without sexual compatibality, a relationship is, at best, destined to be dismal. Church, I don't give a d@mn how you "spin" it, sex, or sexual compatibality, is absolutely critical in your life as well; and judging from your writings, sex in your very good. I'm happy for you.

As much as you and I tend to take the opposite positions on many topics, I'm thinking we are in pretty close agreement on this one. Sorry dude...ya just gotta live with it.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
is it ok to be a virgin at 23?
Posted: 8/2/2010 10:25:45 PM
By definition, nothing is "a problem", until it...well...starts causing problems. A REALLY clean house is not a problem, it's certainly not one I have, LOL; it doesn't become a problem until you don't want people coming to your house because you don't want them "touching" or "moving" things. Once it effects your life in a negative way, THEN it becomes a problem.

Re: virginity. You are obviously approaching the further extreme for remaining a virgin...the issues are WHY? and Why does it bother you? If you are a virgin because "girls are gross" but homosexuality will cause you to be cast into the depths of h*ll." then YES, you have a problem. Are you a virgin because "you'll get germs and die if you have sex." yeah...that's an issue also.
I am actually aware now that i passed up some chance's to get with some girls, (some that i still kick myself for)
Again, WHY did you "pass up some chances" AND...why does it bother you?

If you are comfortable with your sexuality, and comfortable with the concept of sex, regardless of who your partner is; then...relax. A couple of thoughts though...DON'T wear your virginity on your forehead; and don't fake it. There are few things in life more obnoxious than a virgin whom EVERYONE is aware is a virgin. It was quite a while after I "lost" my virginity, before there were more than two people on the planet who were even aware. (and trust me, I didn't "lose" it; I knew d@mn well where it went). Also, if you are becoming involved with someone, they deserve to know that you are a virgin BEFORE you have sex. It will allow them to "take things into account"; and...besides, it's a major turn on for some women.

Bottom line: if it's not a's not a problem. If it is a problem...the real question is WHY.'s all good.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
how to tell if your being used
Posted: 8/2/2010 8:52:05 PM
"Used" is such a bullsh1t term. If you want sex, then have sex, and enjoy each other. If you don't want sex, then don't have sex. If you want a relationship, then SAY you want a relationship. If he/she doesn't want a relationship, then base your decision to have sex, or not, on that info.

SOOOOOO many times women will complain because they had sex; and the guy never called back. "He 'used' me." Well, dumplin', you BOTH had sex that night; and based on the guys I've talked to, and the guys I know, the vast majority of the times if he doesn't call back; it's because the sex sucked. Period.

It's NOT just men who can be sh1tty lovers! There have actually been women on here who asked, "Can a woman be a bad lover?" Answer: Oh H*LL YES!

Trust me ladies, guys WANT sex! If they have sex with someone; and she rocks their world, she WILL get a call back. Are there guys out there who are only into "the hunt"? Yeah. But they are NOT a majority. If you give a person, male or female, what they need, and what they want; they are going to want to be with you.

Bottom line: "used" is bullsh1t. Don't play games. Don't have sex because you want something further down the road. Have sex because you want sex. The sex IS part of the whole package; NOT a WAY to GET to the package. It is very possible to have the sex part; but miss critical issues elsewhere; that doesn't mean anybody used anybody.

Grow up, take responsibility for your own actions, and realize, it's all connected.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 98 (view)
Women Peeing In The Men's Room
Posted: 8/2/2010 8:32:57 PM
The only place I've ever encountered this was a Grateful Dead concert many many years ago. If the situation were reversed, and someone complained; he'd go to jail. Period. While I wouldn't have a problem with it if there were no lines in the men's room; the simple fact of a double standard really p1sses me off.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
Posted: 8/2/2010 8:23:07 PM
WHOA!!!! Lots of bad info on here, which is unusual!

To answer your question...YES you CAN transfer it to your genitalia! However, HSV-1 of the genetils is truly not that big of a deal; AND if you already get cold sores, there is a good possibility that you've already self infected.

The Good news is that HSV-1 RARELY has repeat flareups in the genetalia; when it does, it usually isn't bad; and already having HSV-1 of the genetals offers a partial immunity to an HSV-2 infection.

Google "HSV" and go from there. Obviously avoid those sites that are extreme in either direction, ie "Impossible...can't happen" vs "everyone will get it, and you'll all die! It's horrible! and disfiguring!" etc etc.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
Wants to cum from BJ but can't
Posted: 7/27/2010 2:24:31 AM
Lots of good stuff on here: and sensitization with relaxation is the key. Some guys feel guilty when girls are working on them, but they arent working on her. Other guys, and I kind of fit in here; I want to give her as many orgasms as she can possibly comfortably have; but I know that if I come, sexual desire drops dramatically; and I'm down for a bit; so I've trained myself NOT to come too early; which is in essence training myself not to come. My advice would be for the woman to get all she's looking for, and then make it be known that from here on in, it's all for, and about him.
This should help him to relax, and know when and where he can relas and cum. The other possibility is that he simply isnt getting the type, and level of stimulation, that he needs to get there. Girlfriend my need to be a bit more aggressive, and pound on that thing; jerking it hard into her mouth. The critical step is that once you get him over the crest, and about to orgasm...DONT CHANGE ANYTHING!!! So many times I've been very very close, and for whatever reason, she changes something; either intensity, frequency, or motivation. When a guy gets close; let the building burn before you alter anything you are doing!

Besides asking him what he likes; especially if he has trouble telling you, is to watch porn together. Open a bottle of wine, and break out, or pull down, the porn. Go to the BJ section that appeals to him the most. Watch whats going on when hes says...Oh that's hot! Ask him what he likes. It's sometimes very difficult to tell someone they need to change something, when they're working their ass off. Find the BJ vids HE likes, and try to imulate them.

If you've asked what he likes, and you are trying to do what he wants; but its not getting there; then he, for whatever reason, isnt communicating well what he desires. At that point grab the porn and feed him a couple of beers to loosen him up, and just whatch what he watches that does it for him.

Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
Occasional problems reaching orgasm
Posted: 7/27/2010 1:58:17 AM
Obviously, since you are able to orgasm without problems sometimes; the "problem" is between your ears. This entire scenario screams of multiple issues; and I think you need to take a serious look at it from both sides:1/What do you need to do to orgasm? (nobody knows better than you what it takes) 2/Why can't you orgasm WITH HER?

How comfortable are you with your sexuality, and sexual preference?
You were a 31 year old virgin....WHY? You can masturbate to orgasm twice a day; yet with her, you sometimes need a 2-3 day turn around? there's something BIG there. Things to think about: Are you gay? Bisexual? Simply not attracted to her? Not comfortable with "what it takes" to get you off? ie, kinks, fetishes, or positions, etc. Do you feel guilty for some reason? Self esteem issues? Don't feel like she should be with you? Feel like she could do better? etc etc. Religious issues? "sex out of wedlock" yada yada yada.

While it is FAR more common with young men to have issues with cumming too soon; than it is having difficulty orgasming, that is a legitimate issue with many guys; the HUGE red flag for me is that by yourself -- twice a day; with her -- once every 3-4 days.

Your problem isn't with having an orgasm; your problem is psychological. The trick for you is to figure out what the mind f*ck is, and getting past it.

Good luck.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 86 (view)
extreme fetish
Posted: 7/12/2010 1:12:59 AM
Extreme to one is boring to another. There have been posters on here who refered to using anything with a battery as "kinky"; and I've met women who thought I was "over the top", because I wanted to have sex somewhere besides a bed. For the record, pain is NOT one of my kinks; but there is a mantra within the S&M community, "Safe, Sane, and Consensual", so, to quote the great John Lennon, Whatever gets you through the night .
I guess I can see where a warm stream of fluid might feel good on the ole' girly parts.....
Ummmmm...and that warm fluid could come from a shower head...or possibly wine from my mouth...followed by my tongue while holding an ice cube in my cheek...ahhhhhhhhhhhh...
I met a guy who was into dirty socks. Honestly, I didnt know what the hell to make of that one. Needless to say, I wasn't to go there with him.
Whoa...dude...I am drawing a blank here. Where did he plan on putting those socks?
in which Master demanded bestiality on a very regular basis.
Ok, this is where I draw a line...a VERY big, dark, uncrossable, line! This is in complete contridiction to "safe, sane, and consensual"! This is animal cruelty pure and simple. The animal CANNOT consent; and it is neither safe nor sane. These people need to be in jail; and the animals need to be removed. S&M is one thing, D/s is another; both are acceptable alternatives, neither is my kink; but this goes so far beyond, and "tolerance" does not apply. If someone chooses to own an animal, part of their obligation is to look after the health and welfare of that animal. Stop and think about this for about two seconds...if ANY authority is alerted...these people are in jail, and this makes CNN. If that doesn't raise a red flag, I don't know what will. I'm a, what I believe, is a fairly liberal guy; who believes these people should be stoned in public. hit a nerve.
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
Can't orgasm
Posted: 7/12/2010 12:41:33 AM
Didn't read all the posts, so sorry if I repeat what others have said...
he takes it as an insult that I can't orgasm without help. He believes that if I loved him I would just naturally have an orgasm. I can't seem to get through to him that it's not his fault,...
Ummmm...hate to be blunt...but you're dating an idiot.

There are many many potential reasons for WHY you have orgasm issues; but, as you are aware, they are all between your ears. One potential issue is that having been in a monogamous LTR, you had, for years, settled in with the belief that you two would be together he's the only man you will ever sleep with the rest of your life. That not being the case, there is potentially the subconscious issue of STILL feeling like YOU are cheating. YOU would never cheat...the man you were sleeping with, and orgasmic with, and supposed to be "till death do we part" is still alive, and you are having sex with someone else. This may not even be close to what is actually bothering you; but I had issues with it is only why I bring it up here.

The bottom line is that you are right about one thing, but wrong about another. It is "NOT HIS PROBLEM"; but, it's NOT your BODY either. Your body is fine, it's your head you need to work on. Honestly, my advice, if you've been dealing with this for years...therapy. Find someone who specializes in sexual issues, and talk to them. Good luck.

In the meantime, tell the f*cker that whether or not he needs to use his hands, mouth, produce, or kitchen appliance for you to be able to orgasm, then to pick whatever it is the f*ck up and use it! AND be EXTREMELY happy that he has a loving, sexual, caring, orgasmic partner to use it with! AND be VERY happy, and pleased with himself, that he is able to share this orgasm with you!

The other option is to tell him to f*ck off, and grab whatever battery opreated device suites your fancy, relax, enjoy yourself, and hang out until you DO find a lover who is more knowledgable and understanding.

FYI: one of the most sexual women I have ever been with was only able to orgasm once every few hours; and could only do so within the good graces of eveready batteries. She was an incredible lover!
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 38 (view)
Men in speedo's , HOT or YUCKY..................LOL
Posted: 7/12/2010 12:13:22 AM
Hey...easy there...I wear a speedo! Ummmmmm...speedo makes a loose fitting boxer style swim suit as well. OK....thinking about me in a pair of skin tight thingies that look like women's athletic panties...Ooooo...waves of nausea...visions of neighborhood children running and screaming in terror... I think I'm going to swim in jeans for the rest of my life
Show ALL Forums