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 Author Thread: my boyfriend is cheating on me...should I end it?
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 126 (view)
 
my boyfriend is cheating on me...should I end it?
Posted: 8/9/2014 11:51:45 AM
Just for everyone's info....even if a profile is hidden, it can be accessed from the forums.

OP....fundamentally, this cheating thing is okay with you.

You've seen it before. Did Dad cheat on Mum?

If you hadn't seen someone that has been cheated on turn a blind eye, or ignore it...or whatever.....you wouldn't be here asking the question.

It wouldn't be okay, and you wouldn't be contemplating letting yourself be treated like that.

You need to unlearn whatever relationship you witnessed in the past, and re-align yourself with a new attitude that doesn't allow for cheating.

Or you will find yourself in the same type of relationship over.....and over......
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 2/19/2014 5:37:53 PM
Thanks for the kind words, moonbeamlover...

I was INCREDIBLY thankful when my Mom quit drinking for good. Like I said, she quit for long-er periods of time before she quit completely.

Because I would get used to her not drinking for periods of time, when she did drink, it got harder and harder every time.

Step Dad was a complete shock. Everyone expected him to crawl into a bottle, and not come out. Nope....he did the exact opposite....a very welcome surprise.

My Dad's mental health issues came before his drinking......he drank to self medicate.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 65 (view)
 
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 2/17/2014 3:02:04 PM
I haven't read most of the posts, but I read enough to know that I'm not the only one here.....

Both of my natural parents were alcoholics. My Dad...a mechanical Engineer had mental health issues, and committed suicide when I was 18.

When I was 9 my Mom went to rehab, and met a man there who was an alcoholic as well. He became my step-Dad.

Mom was a functional drunk....would take wine to work, and hide it in the garbage can in the Women's washroom. Step Dad was a binge drinker....he would be roaring drunk for weeks on end, and lost every job he ever had. There was the broken nose, that these days would have landed him in jail. Not back then...we went to the hospital, and picked up booze on the way home.

I pretty much raised myself....spent time with my sister, and a girlfriend...whose Mom babysat for weeks at a time, and me and my girlfriend were left to our own devices for weeks on end...no calls from my Mom or hers.....we were 12.

Eventually Mom would stay dry for periods of time.....a year here, a year there. Step Dad kept binge drinking....

When my nephew was born, my sister told my Mom that if she even breathed alcohol on my nephew, she would never see him again....and she meant it. That was it...Mom was done with booze.....yep that easily.

Step Dad kept binge drinking right up to the day Mom died roaring drunk all day.....he was out having a beer, WHEN she died. He sobered up the day after Mom died...and hasn't had a drink since....Mom died 11 years ago.

Why? Because Mom would get mad at him if he drinks, and he loved her so much he can't do that to her.....yep that easily.....

Motivation=yep that easily.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 46 (view)
 
anxiety help
Posted: 2/3/2014 3:31:55 PM

some mornings i wake up thinking i'm a reject its just throughts that go around my head all the time some days i dont get it other days i wake up and its the first thing i think off


Your problem will be rooted in your childhood. My guess is...invalidated as a child....close?

My suggestion is to stop the thought "I'm a reject" when you first wake up. That thought is a problem. I would replace it with a more positive thought. You probably won't believe the more positive thought at first. Keep replacing "I'm a reject" with the more positive thought. I wouldn't give up....this is called "Fake it until you Make it". With lots of practice, you should come to believe the positive thought.


also i do fell that i have a body image disorder as i have a chest bone which sort of sticks out of my chest and i've always blamed that but i dont know i do have low confidence but i'm confident once i get to know the people


You know about this problem....ergo, you can cure it. I would keep track of the days that you have the body image disorder. Likely, they will coincide with the days that you wake up thinking "I'm a reject"

If you were in fact invalidated as a child, invalidation is NORMAL for you. This is why people pick on you....you try overly hard to "fit in", and people sense that they can get away with bullying you. Rather than respecting you, they use your nature against you.

Your second post said much more than your OP.

A good therapist would be able to help you navigate your way to rearranging your thinking so that it's more productive.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
[H]Women who are addicts/traumatic pasts are attracted to me..
Posted: 11/20/2013 5:50:49 PM
This isn't really rocket science......

You come from a dysfunctional dynamic. Because it's all you know, you project dysfunction. Dysfunction is attracted to you.

You are too frightened to try to attract "healthy". Why? Because you wouldn't know what to do with it if you had it.

You need to learn "healthy" yourself before you will recognize it, attract it and not be frightened of it.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 874 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 7/9/2013 5:43:36 PM
This is an interesting article, that describes BPD quite accurately.....


http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/borderline_personality_disorde.html


This is a look at the mechanics behind the disorder. The suicidal gestures, cutting, hallucinations,neuroses.....all very real to the BPD.

The scary part is, that we don't necessarily know that you don't have them too....
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 873 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/25/2013 8:54:50 PM
Igor.....

I'm not going to comment on your ex's diagnosis.....however....

Even if BPD IS diagnosed......it doesn't mean the person GET's IT.

A large problem that people notice (I did it here a few pages ago) is odd or faulty communication skills....cognitions. Until this problem is corrected...even partially, you're basically talking to a wall.

I'm getting into advanced BPD here.....if an S/O is non-reactive......doesn't show a response, that can actually throw us into a panic.


Just before I was diagnosed with BPD, I was seeing a Psychologist, who gave me very little feedback. One day, I broke into tears in his office. It took a while, but I figured out that his lack of response was causing anxiety . A response is like a security blanket.



I just saw some lightbulbs light up....lol..
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 869 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/18/2013 5:46:42 PM
I agree with everything you said.

To further complicate things, whichever disorder is at play at the time of assessment SHOULD be the one diagnosed. If BP and BPD are running concurrently, it's a toss up which will be diagnosed first. I was diagnosed BP first, however, I believe I've been BPD for most of my life. I believe the BP came much later. When I was diagnosed with BPD, I didn't know what it was. I was quite familiar with BP when I was diagnosed with that. I believe that the truth is that BP is easier to identify than BPD.

The differences in thinking between BP, and BPD are actually quite large....for me anyway.

They should be kept separate, because they are separate. Even when running concurrently.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 170 (view)
 
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/18/2013 5:24:51 PM
I have to admit, I haven't been told that I should be on an island in a while.....

Contrary to popular belief, my vocation as a child was not to be mentally ill as an adult. It isn't a choice, and I don'tpurposely drive people around the bend. By the way, I drive myself around the bend too.

I've spent the last 7 years of my life trying to unlearn much of what I was taught as a child.

Being mentally ill is no fun for me either.....trust me.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 169 (view)
 
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/16/2013 1:01:09 PM
Great!

When you become manic, do you feel stronger physically.....and like nothing can hurt you...physicLly?

You say the mania's are becoming less frequent.....how about the depressions?

Do the manias happen after long periods of loneliness?
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 168 (view)
 
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/15/2013 3:47:33 PM
I'll bite.....

I have a couple of questions.....what does it feel like when you're depressed....darkness, melancholy, you don't care...?

How do you feel when manic.....invincible, passionate, strong?


I am bipolar too.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 867 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/15/2013 8:56:43 AM
Efficacy of a medication, doesn't necessarily prove correlation between two disorders.

While Lithium helps tremendously with my bipolar, I mostly rely on CBT...and medication to help with BPD.BPD is ongoing every day. One single thought can take me from "normal" thinking to melancholy bordering on suicidal thinking. It's that fast.Bipolar isn't. It tends to build up.

I understand where the behaviour looks identical.

If the individual were questioned closely over time whichever disorder is at work would surface.

An oversimplified example: Two women....same general demographic present at an emergency room.

Specific questions are asked.....including questions about sexual activity.

Both women have had sex 4 times in 24 hours

On further questioning, one says that her libido is extremely high. and having sex numerous times a day keeps it at bay. She's bipolar.

The other woman on further questioning says that she had sex so often, because her boyfriend wanted to, and she loves him, so she did it. She's BPD.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 864 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/14/2013 11:36:51 AM
Getting caught red handed proves that I 'm not going nuts, like they might be trying to convince me ;)

The motivation is vindictiveness for not fulfilling our impossible to figure out needs which are so very plain to us...that you should be able to read my mind, and "know" what I'm thinking without me having to tell you.

Right?


Very wrong.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 861 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/13/2013 8:24:35 PM
You're welcome JJ

Passive aggression is worse than expressed rage in my opinion.

Expressed rage is out in the open. Unless passive aggression can be caught red handed, proving it is problematic.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 859 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/13/2013 5:45:35 PM
Passive-aggressive is an entity unto itself....

In a BPD, all the examples you cited are possible. The distinction with a BPD, is that we would go after what's "important" and would hurt most.

If none of that "worked" ie: getting our "needs" met (which is virtually impossible, because our communication skills aren't adequate), poisoning food, or cutting brake lines isn't out of the question.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 167 (view)
 
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/10/2013 8:42:09 AM
Continuing.....

Full blown mania isn't necessarily pleasant.

I become severely irritated when full on manic. I'm running the planet and people can't keep up.

Hypo mania is more manageable...it takes less of a toll on finances, the body and the crash isn't as devestating.

BP to me, is a big "I don't care", whether manic or depressed.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 166 (view)
 
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/10/2013 8:10:58 AM
Hi JJ

I might add to this if I think of more....

I love the taste of alcohol. My Mom did too. Coca cola tastes funny without Rum mixed in.

When I'm manic, alcohol has little effect on me. For the most part, I don't get drunk..


Mania is like a football stadium with all the lights blazing

BPD is a bit different. Drinking when melancholy is bad news, and can be dangerous

Drinking while dysphoric , kind of cures dysphoria. This is the biggest attraction for me.Alcohol works better tan any prescription medication made.

My definition of dysphoria isfeeling like a three year old lost in a shopping mall....crying for his/her Mother.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 165 (view)
 
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/9/2013 6:04:11 PM
I was told at an early age, around 18... that because both parents were alcoholics that statistically my chances of becoming an alcoholic were about 80%.

There were alcoholics on both sides of my family besides my parents.

I love everything about alcohol....too much.

Abusing alcohol is self medicating just like any other self medicating.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 164 (view)
 
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/9/2013 12:39:40 PM
I am managed all the time, and don't mess with my meds.....not worth it!

Alcoholism is a product of having issues. People drown their sorrows to excess to drown their sorrows.

Since both parents were alcoholics, I don't drink....or do street drugs. I have enough problems.....
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 856 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/4/2013 12:23:07 PM
My head has spun a couple of times, and I dealt with a dying undiagnosed BPD Mother that was psychotic because of Dilaudid...she wreaked havoc for numerous people.

BPD cannot be medicated effectively howeverI firmly believe that meds are necessary to stabilize mood to whatever degree possible.

Unless you've experienced BPD dysphoria first hand, you have no idea of the usefulness of prescription meds.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 159 (view)
 
Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/3/2013 7:31:02 PM
Where to start...

My Dad was bipolar, an alcoholic, and spent a large part of his last years in various institutions. He commited suicide at 52.

My Mom was undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, and alcoholic- diagnosed and treated.

Me bipolar NOS ,Borderline PD, PTSD, anxiety disorders, chronic depression- status: recovering.

I haven't read much, but most of what I have read resembles BPD rather than BD (bipolar)

Outminds's last post describes bipolar well. Bipolar depression is devastating depression. Go to bed and stay there except for bathroom breaks, an da drink or a toastetomato sandwich depression......for days....

Mania is creative, focus .Indestructible-nothing can hurt us

There is an angle of delusio n, where we truly believe that we can achieve whatever we have planned, andthe focus, concentration and saom additional strength are in place to back the delusions up.
Sorry about the typing, my I'm using a phone



Theseepisodes, for the most part last for days, possibly weeks. Rapid cycling is shorter, but if the affected person is having severe mood swings.....from melancholy, to passionate (about anything, not just sex) they are more likely to be BPD or a combination, rather than uncomplicated bipolar.dand very brave....indestructible think Charlie Sheen....he really believed what he said.
There's delusio
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 854 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 6/1/2013 7:21:52 PM
I think maybe the thread is being cleaned as it happens.

Jj...how about in future, referencing the name and page number?

That should give an indication of where the quoted post is.

Your research is important, and has helped me unlock mysteries.....
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 851 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 5/31/2013 6:34:49 PM
Still trying to get a workable meds combo. I've been through this numerous times.

Lithium works best as a mood stabilizer. However, because of my weird CNS, I need an undosable amount.

I told the meds Doc this, and she said there are chemists that will formulate an uneven dosage.

I said...how about I pull the capsule apart, and pour half out?

Sshe looked horrified....then understanding came to her face, and she said.....that works.....


Putting this back on top for information purposes....
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 849 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 5/5/2013 9:36:00 AM
Since i have been having difficulty with my sleep patterns recently, I watched a NOVA documentary called " What Are Dreams?".

This documentary theorises that there are two kinds of dreams: REM (rapid eye movement dreams), and non REM dreams.

A sleep study volunteer was woken up during non REM dreams, and was given a list of half words that he had to add an ending to.

The words he wrote for the non REM list, were optimistic, upbeat words.

He then went back to sleep, and was allowed to sleep through a whole sleep cycle and was woken during REM sleep.

The results were dramatically diffent.

This time the words were very negative and pessimistic.

The researchers attributed this to the activity of the amaygdala during REM sleep.

The researchers connected the amaygdala as a cause of depression.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 848 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/2/2013 7:26:16 PM
@ message 892

Thank you for your research.

Coincidentally, I was talking to my Meds MD/Psychoanalyst last week. She asked me how I worked full time with mood swings etc.
I told her that I was more anxious and depressed than moody at that time. She gave me a perplexed look.

It appears that there can be an evolution process to BPD.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 847 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/2/2013 7:11:40 PM
Also, by living with our abuser (who may "appear" normal, but be very good at manipulation and convince us that what we're doing is for "our own good") we may be taught impulsive behaviours, and never think to question them until consequences are presented to us.

We DO believe that the consequences don't apply to us.

Disbelief at consequences is yet another trigger for raging.

When faced with consequences, there are two options. One is to become a victim, the second is to accept responsibility and the consequences.


Since no one is perfect, everyone has a little bit of victim in them....but it doesn't amount to much.


Most BPD's choose to be victims
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 844 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/1/2013 9:35:42 PM
Jj....

I was very much confused by what I did...other people can describe it better than me.


I started therapy for CD and multiple anxiety disorders in 1989.
I worked very hard with CBT and a therapist....mostly on the anxiety
By 2003 I had morphed into BP.
After more therapy, I was diagnosed with concurrent BPD. I didn't know what BPD WAS.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 843 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/1/2013 9:21:56 PM
Nirvana.....

I realize that this is for information purposes only at this point.....

Refer to post 846 that focuses on communication.....

After years of therapy, I learned how to voice my wants/needs.....and learned to take "no" for an answer.


Before that, communication could come out in a rage, laced with threats and pointed fingers. WE DON't get over things easily. Anything considered a betrayal can go on for years. And it doesn't need to be your betrayal.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 838 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/1/2013 12:35:50 PM
Somebody must have cheated on her......and she got rigid and paranoid about it.

Strangely, I've never been the jealous type, and just wanted to spend every second together.

If we were apart, I never worried that he was with another woman....just that he wasn't with me.


That's weird to me now!
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 835 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/1/2013 9:31:36 AM
Let's see if I can explain this properly...

About mirroring....

It's different now, but when I was younger, I didn't really have any "hobbies" of my own.

When I had a boyfriend, we would do whatever his hobbies were. I never vplunteered any activities, except spending as much time alone together as possible.

At first this was usually fine......or we spent nearly all time together in a group.


Mirroring is more trying to fit in than anything else....trying desperately to fit in...and to have the S/O's complete attention.

When that changes, the trouble starts.The proverbial sh*t would hit the fan when my S/O would either want to see his friends, or I got sick of being with his friends all the time.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 834 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/1/2013 6:42:53 AM
Yay Nirvana....all the best to both of you!

Jj I think your research is correct. BD and BPD behaviour can appear very similar. The intent of the behaviour is totally different.

I have used the example of two women walking a tightrope....

The BD woman is euphoric, loving it....not at all concerned about falling

The BPD woman is only concerned with staying on the rope long enough to get out of any safety zone, before she throws herself off.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 829 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/31/2013 7:46:39 PM
I am presently taking Benedryl for a 4 am every morning hormonal based sleep disturbance

I have been told ad nauseum that there is no definitive treatment or "pill" for BPD.

Research is difficult for exactly the reasons you cite in your post.

When you find answers to your questions, let me know, and I 'll pass them on to my Doctor's
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 825 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/31/2013 5:25:25 PM
Here's a link.....brain imaging for BPD is fairly new, but abnormalities in the brain of BPD's have definitely been identified. This link is from the University of Toronto....


news.utoronto.ca/understanding-borderline-personality-disorder
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 823 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:22:51 PM
Actually, BPD is caused by deficits (deformity) in the structures of the limbic system of the brain.

The problem(s) in the limbic system cause BPD's to perceive things as "hostile", even when they aren't hostile.

PTSD is diagnosed above and beyond, and usually pertaining to specific circumstances/incidents.

It's no accident that BPD's get diagnosed with PTSD often, as we perceive things to be hostile or threatening, often.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 821 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:01:51 PM
Hi junipermoon!

It's frustrating even for me to watch undiagnosed BPD's

One male friend (yes, friend...he had a "perfect woman" in his mind that would join his "world" and I failed miserably, apparently) was sometimes fine to be around. At other times he would do completely inappropriate things, that of course were my fault. There was always a reason that I made him do it.

After five years of setting boundaries, negotiating, listening .....there were so many rules and regulations surrounding going grocery shopping, that I threw in the towel.

When it takes 40 minutes on the phone to figure out the logistics of a grocery shopping trip, itets too ridiculous, even for me
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 820 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:01:24 PM
Hi junipermoon!

It's frustrating even for me to watch undiagnosed BPD's

One male friend (yes, friend...he had a "perfect woman" in his mind that would join his "world" and I failed miserably, apparently) was sometimes fine to be around. At other times he would do completely inappropriate things, that of course were my fault. There was always a reason that I made him do it.

After five years of setting boundaries, negotiating, listening .....there were so many rules and regulations surrounding going grocery shopping, that I threw in the towel.

When it takes 40 minutes on the phone to figure out the logistics of a grocery shopping trip, itets too ridiculous, even for me
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 817 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/31/2013 12:43:36 PM
How to say this....

My Mom (who was an alcoholic) was so convincing that she was always right.....she demanded to be right....that I believed that I was always right. I wasn't the one with a problem, my SO, or whoever had the problem.

I was actually lucky in a way....I had been in therapy for nearly 15 years before I got diagnosed with BPD.

I knew that something was very wrong with me, after first seeing my Mom in the diagnosis.


If I had been diagnosed earlier, I probably wouldn't have believed it.


Some of the behaviour is taught to us by someone close that has control of us.


Overcoming the "I'm always right" attitude, and grasping that there may be something wrong with me...is a huge step for a BPD.

That's why so many are so unwilling to get help.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 815 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/30/2013 9:53:01 PM
Sweetness-one

I'm not going to get into any comparisons between BPD and azzholes.

Here are just a few facts about BPD's that I don't think apply to azzholes.

1 in 5 BPD's commit suicide.

BPD's are number 2 for committing suicide-second to Major Depressive Disorder

20% of mental health admissions to hospital are BPD. To get admitted to a hospital, one has to be at a very high level for self harm, or harm to others.

You can google these facts, if you like.

Does this sound like azzhattery to you?
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 814 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/30/2013 9:35:05 PM
AshAnarchy.....

I don't know how to say this delicately.....so I will say it as one BPD to another.

People that don't have BPD don't understand us.They don't understand how we think.

This leads to misunderstandings and complications.

For the most part, we need to learn how to control the roller coaster.

Life is much better when the rollercoaster is slowed right down to a crawl....
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 813 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/30/2013 9:14:34 PM
I'm going to take a huge stab in the dark, and guess that somebody in her household....likely Mother or Father was BPD.

My Mother was BPD, and I grew up with her raging. I thought everyone raged...over very trivial things. Mom could get offended at just about anything I said.

I grew up with a BPD that I wasn't allowed to say "no" to under any circumstances.

I expected the same from my S/O's that my Mom expected from me.

To be on call 24/7. This is common practice with BPD's . 100% loyalty and obedience.

I can almost guarantee from what you've said, that your ex won't improve without therapy....and the fact that she thinks that she can "control" her issues with no help leads me to believe that she isn't interested in getting help.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 805 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/29/2013 7:38:01 PM
Your ex may not have been capable of explaining how you could help, even if she wanted to.

Over time, I've become a decent communicator.....but a few years ago, I couldn't express my needs/wants effectively at all. I would try, my effort would fail, and the frustration would trigger a rage and/or resentment.

Overcoming this deficit took a large amount of work, which included learning how to listen "actively" to what was being said, and most difficult.....not filtering my thoughts through distortions in my thinking. Nobody is perfect at doing this.

It was a tall order and took a very good therapist to even grasp what had to be done.

Without this process, misunderstandings abound, and the BPD will be working with very distorted thinking.

Ardd rigidity into the mix, and the situation becomes quite hopeless.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 799 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/26/2013 6:04:31 PM
nirvanawithu...

My current night terrors are a little different than your ex's.

I have those too.

I live alone, but know for sure that I've been yelling in my sleep when I hear "what the f*ck was that" from the next door neighbours.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 798 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/26/2013 5:58:16 PM
I don't know if "rigidity" has been addressed in this thread.

One of the largest difficulties with BPD's is "vocation".

A big part of the reason for this is due to rigidity of thinking.. We have very specific ideas about how things should be done, and if an i isn't dotted or a t crossed, it will be brought to the person's attention forthwith.

If I was being trained for a job, and was shown how to do something twice, if the procedure wasn't followed EXACTLY the way it was the first time, I would want to know why, and maybe insist that the difference be changed to the way it was the first time.

This causes big problems with employers
My solution (years ago) was to be the boss. Another solution is to be self employed.


I have gotten over my rigidity a lot...and now have a very easy going boss that gives me plenty of freedom
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 792 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/25/2013 9:47:47 AM
You're welcome, Helen.

Just a word of caution....stalking isn't out of the question.....if "no" isn't in our plans, sometimes we don't hear it.

With the Benadryl, my terrors happen at a more decent time....not fun.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 786 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/24/2013 8:06:58 PM
You are correct.

We have trouble letting go.

And unless we have totally devalued the S/O, we tend to see things through rose coloured glasses.

Sometimes the attempt to reconnect will happen after years of no contact.

It's very common.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 44 (view)
 
With a girl who has BDP (borderline personality disorder)
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:02:23 PM
Desmothenes.....


If you wound up in "care" because of your girlfriend, you might have problems yourself.

I'm BPD and bipolar, so I'm not being judgmental....and a lot of what you said about what YOU went through sounds familiar to me.

You're young, and you don't want to spend the rest of your life worrying about, and focused on others

TRUST ME....it isn't worth it.
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
With a girl who has BDP (borderline personality disorder)
Posted: 3/18/2013 5:10:28 PM
To set the record straight, bipolar and BPD frequently run concurrently.

They are hard to distinguish between at times, and the only way to do it is to determine the "intent" of the thinking.

Charlie Sheen is bipolar-grandiose thinking, invincible...cannot be hurt/wounded.

Mel Gibson is BPD-vindictive, threatening, raging.

It can be hard to tell which disorder is at work, it depends on the circumstances at the time.

Add PTSD into the mix, and it makes for a very miserable life
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 784 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:44:57 PM
I'm getting kicked in the butt by the "change".

Waking up at 4 am every morning with night terrors....it's never happened before.

Saw a shrink who's assessing my meds.

Saw my regular meds Dr. and asked her what I can do to sleep in the meantime.

She told me that there is no pill to cure BPD.

I wasn't asking for a pill to cure BPD.....I want to sleep until a decent hour, and not wake up panicking every morning at 4am.

Until further notice, we settled on me augmenting my meds with Benedryl



This is how much Dr.'s know about BPD.
Benadryl
 quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
With a girl who has BDP (borderline personality disorder)
Posted: 2/23/2013 8:03:03 PM
I posted a link to an article "biological unhappiness" on page 31 of the Have you ever dated someone with BPD thread.

This article has the best actual description of BPD I've read to date.

Suicidality and cutting...along with other symptoms can be overwhelming.


They can also be overcome with Dialectical or CBT therapy

Recovery takes hard work, and time.

I understand that a begging BPD is vrty hard to say "no" to I used to be the begging BPD.

However, your really best to disengage. She can only "force" you into a relationship if you let her.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 82 (view)
 
can men accept someone with bipolar?
Posted: 2/15/2013 10:49:53 PM
Again, I think that your girlfriend may have been misdiagnosed....

Bipolar people may get extremely irritable when manic. This is a cycle that will last for a period of days(orlonger) then there will be a crash.


If she lashes out wiyh no rhyme or reason with respect to manic or depressive "cycles), she may not be bipolar...



Just for comparison, a BPD will lash out badly....then be fine for a few hours...then lash out again. There's no rhyme or rason to the mood swings...they're random
 
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