Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: According to the Zodiacs...how to date a...
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 42 (view)
 
According to the Zodiacs...how to date a...
Posted: 12/11/2005 7:13:37 PM
I must say...as a Taurus male dating a Cancer female...this thing is just about bang-on! Cheers to the OP!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
The One Thing.....
Posted: 12/6/2005 11:48:47 PM
-No "common" sense
-No sense of adventure
-Bullying tendencies...always looking for a fight for validation
-Poor hygiene (Oral, or otherwise)
-Dead weight in the sack

I think that covers the worst ones...
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Boxing at the shaw this fri nite you goin?
Posted: 12/6/2005 5:47:18 AM
Yah, her name is Amanda Carriere...I'll be there with bells on!!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Boxing at the shaw this fri nite you goin?
Posted: 12/3/2005 11:32:41 PM
Are they having some women's matches as well? My best friend's girlfriend is boxing in her (4th?) Pro Fight in Edmonton this Friday night...
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Waking Up The traveling Circus
Posted: 12/3/2005 11:27:12 PM
The most annoying sound in the world from "Dumb and Dumber"...

Pinky fingers in warm water...

Shaving or Whipped Cream on the hand, then tickle the nose (classic, but effective)
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 135 (view)
 
My Joke Thread.
Posted: 12/3/2005 9:03:47 PM
A travelling salesman is cruising down an old dirt road in the middle of nowhere, when his car breaks down. Night-time is falling and it's a looong 5 mile walk to the nearest farm-house.

When he gets there, the farmer looks the man up and down and says "You're more than welcome to stay here, sir, as long as you don't touch my virgin son."

The salesman replies "Wait, wait, WAIT...I think I'm in the wrong joke here!"
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Who the hell is Adam Corolla?
Posted: 11/23/2005 1:11:58 AM
He's also the voice of a couple of cartoon characters, such as:

"Death" (On Family Guy, after Norm McDonald quit for whatever reason)
and
The "Internet Pig" from a show called Drawn Together
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 61 (view)
 
How Many
Posted: 10/31/2005 10:14:43 AM
Dating: 1

Met in total: About 20
 JentleJiantJIm
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 21 (view)
 
moved in
Posted: 10/26/2005 9:16:49 PM
My roommate is only in town for about 1-7 days/month, so it's pretty much MY place. It is NEVER dirty...and RARELY cluttered. I can't even stand feeling the occasional chip-crumb or whatever on the living-room carpet...

Honestly, the bachelors I know keep a messy yard or garage, but the house is never bung-ed up.
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
radio!!!!!
Posted: 10/26/2005 2:51:48 AM
CJSW has a new internet stream...I don't know if you've ever listened to it, but you never really know what you're going to get...hour to hour...some shows are up to four hours...

There is everything from Classical Asian music, to bluegrass, usually a fair number of punk or grunge shows...to Hard Core Rave, Trance and Euro Dance stuff late Friday and *maybe* Saturday nights...

www.cjsw.com

Good Luck!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 40 (view)
 
What have you learned about yourself?
Posted: 10/26/2005 2:43:06 AM
On Topic: Apparently, I'm more of a catch than I originally thought. It's been a long time since I was sought after by the kinds of women that I've been hearing from.

I also never understood how anybody could EVER spend more than 10 minutes on the internet (other than Messenger, MapQuest for a big trip, or I even heard some people watch pornography on the net...gross!! ). Now I'm freakin' hooked!! I don't know what to do with myself when I'm at home with no computer!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Calling all Frumps
Posted: 10/26/2005 2:37:45 AM
Last time I checked, women don't dress to satisfy the males of the world. They dress to express who they are...and some days, they ARE...NOT feeling like dressing up.

Most of the time, a woman in a vest/long-sleeve shirt combo, fitted jeans and a pair of comfy shoes is sexy anyway. Call me crazy, or red-neck, or whatever you want, but functionality is a big part of the Calgarian way of life. We all need to have appropriate clothes to go camping, hiking, biking, running, veggin' out on the couch...it can't be all business, all the time.

If it was, it wouldn't really be anything special, now would it?
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
GTA San Andreas question...please help...
Posted: 10/26/2005 2:31:49 AM
Just like learning the skills for various weapons, driving ability and staying in shape ^^^ is right. You just have to do some things that are tedious to raise your levels, in order to allow the game to proceed...

You would think that they could tell you that or something, but they don't...trial and error, my friend.
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
according to the first letter in your name..
Posted: 10/25/2005 8:26:34 PM
Well, I can vouch that the J is fairly accurate.
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Calgary: Weekly Get Together, Wed Oct 26th BOWLING
Posted: 10/25/2005 4:30:11 AM
Can't come, but just bumpin' to keep it up there...

Have fun everyone! I'll be...at...work...again...
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Vehicle input ??
Posted: 10/25/2005 4:14:45 AM
You want fuel efficiency, comfort and reliablity? I can't believe I'm going to say this, but...

Ford Ranger. They NEVER die, they are pretty good on gas, they hold their value well but aren't outrageously priced used, you can get them in extended cabs for extra room and the seats in every year from 94-new are quite comfy.

Having said that, I need to go wash the FORD-stink off of myself, so I'll see you all in January-ish...

GO GMC!!!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
 
What age is every girl planning on getting off of the pill?
Posted: 10/24/2005 8:58:24 PM
I'm going off the pill when I get up to 5 inches...no sense in more than doubling the length, you know?
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Rate your picture, what do you think of the votes?
Posted: 10/24/2005 1:38:46 AM
Hey Jedi, I gave you a ten...is it too late?

Not that there's anything wrong with that...
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Just an idea ...
Posted: 10/23/2005 9:49:40 PM
I think Red's would be fantastic! I believe they have 5 AND 10-pin, multiple bars, bands, pool tables, etc...Honestly can't think of a much better place for a large group of people.

We would probably have to do some serious planning ahead to get it to work but it's a great idea!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Raunchy Jokes
Posted: 10/23/2005 6:12:24 AM
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?







Christopher Walken
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 102 (view)
 
Jokes
Posted: 10/23/2005 6:08:39 AM
Whaddya call a guy who hangs out with musicians all the time?

A drummer
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
"Little Johnny" jokes
Posted: 10/23/2005 1:59:29 AM
Okay, there are some great joke threads around, but I really haven't heard any new "Little Johnny" Jokes...

Please let this thread be dedicated to ONLY "Little Johnny" jokes and/or people's comments about them, I need some new ones to add to my repertoire.

Here's one to get us all started...


Little Johnny's 3rd grade class gets started one day and the teacher says "Today, we are going to talk about the moral of the story" "I want you to tell me a story, then tell me what the MORAL of the story is..."

Lots of kids throw up their hands, but OH NO...teacher isn't going to pick little Johnny...you never know what HE's going to say...so she picks Little Suzie.

Suzie says: When I was on my Uncle's Farm, he asked me to go out and pick all the eggs from the chicken coop. I went out and EVERY single chicken laid an egg!! I put all the eggs into a big basket and went RUNNING up to the house! I tripped and fell and ALL the eggs broke onto the ground!

Teacher says: What's the moral of your story?

Suzie says: Don't put all your eggs in one basket!

Teacher says: Very good, who's next?

Little Davy says: When I was on MY Uncle's Farm, he asked me to go out and pick all the eggs from the chicken coop. I went out and EVERY single chicken laid an egg!! I put all the eggs into a big basket and went RUNNING up to the house! I tripped and fell and ALL the eggs broke onto the ground!

Teacher says: What's the moral of YOUR story?

Davy says: Ummm...Don't count your chickens until they hatch?

Teacher says: Very good, who's next?

Now, she doesn't want to pick Johnny, but she HAS to...nobody else has their hand up...

Little Johnny says: My DAD was in Vietnam! And he was in the trenches with nothing but his rifle, his bayonet and a BIG bottle of Jack Daniel's...There were bombs BLOWING UP all around him, DIRT flying down on him from the sky above, BULLETS whizzing past his head...

He SLAMMED half of that bottle, JUMPED out of the trench,SHOT TEN CHARLIE and JUMPED back in the trench!!!

Teacher says: OH MY GAWD, WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!?!?!?!

Johnny says: Well, he SLAMMED back the other half of that bottle, fixed up his bayonet, JUMPED out of the trench and STABBED TEN MORE!!!

Teacher says: OH MY GAWD, WHAT'S THE MORAL OF YOUR STORY!?!?!?!?!





Johnny says: Don't F*CK with my DAD when he's DRINKIN'!!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Weekly get-togethers good, but why weeknights?
Posted: 10/22/2005 7:27:49 PM
That's what I was talkin' about everyone! My schedule is all over the place, but most "normal" people work Monday-Friday (or at least close to it)

I was just trying to stir up the interest in getting together on weekends instead of weeknights. That way, if people really want to let loose and keep the night going, they don't have to take off at 10 or 11 o'clock.

TONS of places have Karaoke on Fridays or Saturdays, and Karaoke is always a good way to keep everybody in a sociable mood.

Anybody have any favourite spots for Karaoke or Name that Tune on Friday/Saturdays?
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 47 (view)
 
i lost my teddybear will you sleep with me?
Posted: 10/22/2005 7:24:42 PM
"Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?"

"Just enough to break the ice...Hi, I'm _______"
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Weekly get-togethers good, but why weeknights?
Posted: 10/22/2005 1:58:18 AM
Now that it seems that the interest is there, it seems like regular POF meet and greets are on the rise. We seem to think that Wednesday/Thursday nights are best...

Why aren't we doing these on the weekend, when places have Karaoke, cheap wings, Name-that-tune and most people don't have to get up for work in the morning?

Pardon me if this dead horse has been plentyofflogged, but isn't going to work when tired or hungover kind of a bummer?
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Calgary: Weekly Get Together, Wed Oct 26th BOWLING
Posted: 10/22/2005 1:32:45 AM
I would LOVE to go, but as of right now, I have to work from 7:30pm-7:30am Wed night-Thursday morning.

I'll see if someone wants to trade a shift...
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
this makes ya think
Posted: 10/22/2005 1:24:48 AM
If a tree falls in a forest and lands on a mime, does anybody care?
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
this makes ya think
Posted: 10/22/2005 1:22:08 AM
If half a chicken lays half an egg in half an hour, how long would it take a donkey with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
this makes ya think
Posted: 10/22/2005 1:18:26 AM
You're missing some of the riddle...

There is also something about 27 bucks total and a missing dollar...

The original question was incomplete, so now you guys are just debating over and incomplete riddle...

I believe somewhere that that is the definition of insanity.
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Raunchy Jokes
Posted: 10/22/2005 12:50:17 AM
Wow, so I bet we just got blacklisted with those killers...

Sorry if I offended anyone...I didn't write 'em!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Raunchy Jokes
Posted: 10/21/2005 9:10:34 PM
OH MY FREAKIN' GAWD!!!!!^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I think two drops of pee came out just now.

@Jolie

I thought you said you wanted to hear raunchy jokes!?!?!?
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
life
Posted: 10/21/2005 8:59:04 PM
Because every single one of us has down-time. I'm kinda going through a cycle myself...wondering if it's going to get better, if it's all worth it, if anyone's ever going to notice the extra effort I've been putting into everything...

There are more people that care than you think. Try looking up an old friend, or a family member you haven't talked to in a while. You'd be amazed at who is thinking about you just when you think there's no hope...

By the way, I've picked up a few things on the street in the past and I'll tell ya'...one man's trash truly CAN be another man's treasure.

Best of luck!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 52 (view)
 
how many guys in thier teens ACTUALLY got ot have sex with a MILF
Posted: 10/21/2005 8:54:00 PM
Sorry, it was just a turn-of-phrase...nobody actually watched...I don't think...
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 37 (view)
 
What do you swallow?
Posted: 10/21/2005 8:53:10 PM
-Miller Genuine Draft in Bottles
-Brahma Beer
-Grasshopper Shandies (Beer topped with Gingerale and a bit 'o' Lemon or Lime)
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Raunchy Jokes
Posted: 10/21/2005 8:51:55 PM
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Suck his****br>
Why is Halloween a pedophiles favorite holiday?
Free delivery.

What did the deaf, blind, mute orphan get for christmas?
Cancer

What's the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

What's the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman's mouth??
Einstein's****br>
What's the best way to get a baby off a swing?
Hit it in the face with an axe
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 50 (view)
 
how many guys in thier teens ACTUALLY got ot have sex with a MILF
Posted: 10/21/2005 8:47:31 PM
Original Topic:

Truthfully, I was taken home (conveniently across the street from the bar) by a 36 year-old cougar when I was at my 20th birthday party...

They came, saw the show and it was good...
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Raunchy Jokes
Posted: 10/21/2005 8:43:56 PM
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

What's the fastest way to a woman's heart?
Through her breastplate with a sharp knife.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

FEMALE PRAYER:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to how big is my behind.
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.

MALE PRAYER:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns a liquor
store and a dirt-bike.
Amen
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Whats your new name?
Posted: 10/21/2005 8:32:06 PM
Sleazy Gizzard-Lips

Now THAT'S HOT!!!

Great thread!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Things NOT To Bring On a First Date
Posted: 10/21/2005 8:08:37 PM
OT:
-Pictures of her sleeping
-A raging hard-on (unless she's into it)
-Her medical records
-Pictures of every time you've been so drunk that you threw up...before AND after
-Directions to six different cemetaries
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 102 (view)
 
No Warning!!!
Posted: 10/15/2005 9:56:33 PM
Okee Dokee...back on topic...

There is no good reason to EVER give her a 'surprise'. Almost every woman I've been with has had no qualms about letting me know when she's going to have an orgasm.

I have also always found that a vocal woman is a better lover. I much prefer a little dirty talk and for BOTH partners to inform when "The End is Near" lol.
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Truley the #1 test to see if you have a heart!!!!
Posted: 10/15/2005 9:12:58 PM
I felt a couple comin' on, but I don't really believe in Heaven, God and all that stuff. It makes it difficult for me to feel the same effects as people who have accepted religion into their lives.

Sweet, though...'bout as sweet as it can get.
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
GO OILERS GO!!!
Posted: 10/15/2005 8:33:56 PM
They're probably losing because they SUCK!!

C'mon, this isn't exactly ROCKET SURGERY!!! Sheeeesh...
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Ain't No Thing Like Chicken Wing
Posted: 10/11/2005 8:07:35 PM
I've arrranged for seating for approximately 15 people for 6:30-7:00pm on Thursday night at Mug's.

Hope to see you all there!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Halloween:What Are You Going As?
Posted: 10/11/2005 4:56:12 AM
I need ideas and cheap ideas! I'll be teaching on Halloween this year and all I have is a silly witch costume.. I need something more creative and less ... COMMON!


Here goes, but remember you asked for it...

Dress all in black, wear shades.

Get the cheapest calendar you can find.

Buy a box of "Trix" cereal.

Open the calendar to the month of May and hang it from your neck with string or something.

Glue one piece of the cereal to each day on the calendar.

You are now...

THE MAY-TRIX!!!



OR

(Just get some cheap red cloth from the local sewing and materials store...)


Red shirt
Red hat
Red pants
Red face paint
Red gloves
Red shoes (or covers anyways)
Ride around on a trike, or have a small one (or even a picture/drawing of one) hanging from your neck...

The costume is...

"The Menstrual Cycle"

What, no?
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
WING NIGHT...THURSDAY OCT.13th
Posted: 10/11/2005 4:36:23 AM
Like I said...

Almost EVERY pub I've been to in the last year has some kind of rule similar to this one...I'm just glad that I have found a few that DON'T, because it's becoming all too common.

Kinda defeats the purpose of going for cheap wings when you have to pay full price for alcoholic beverages you don't necessarily want!
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Halloween costumes???
Posted: 10/11/2005 2:49:35 AM
Red shirt
Red hat
Red pants
Red face paint
Red gloves
Red shoes (or covers anyways)
Ride around on a trike, or have a small one hanging from my neck...

The costume is...

"The Menstrual Cycle"

What, no?
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Good things about being single....
Posted: 10/11/2005 2:46:55 AM
I never have to worry about whether I'm going to bother her when I'm having a restless night and need to cover every square inch of my bed from six different angles before I get to sleep.

It's okay to not shower on my day off...sometimes.

I never have to hear "Why don't you just shave? It's kinda prickly, don't ya' know..." Like I didn't...lol.

I don't have to have the thermostat at 32.6 freakin' degrees (Celsius, that is) to sit and watch t.v.
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
I WOULD wish it on my worst enemy ...
Posted: 10/11/2005 2:35:52 AM
I just wish they would grow up and see the error of their ways. If I were to wish harm or foul upon them, it is just continuing the cycle.

If they figure out what they're going wrong, make amends and live a better life, it's just one step closer to the whole world being a little less stressed-out.
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Unusual names
Posted: 10/11/2005 2:30:46 AM
My brother's fiancee told me about a Phillipino couple that had a child in Canada...

They wanted to honour their Phillipino heritage, so against everyone's advice, named their first born son...

"Phillipenis". No kidding, they thought that was the best name that would say as much as they wanted to say.
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Ghetto Blaster Cars
Posted: 10/11/2005 2:27:09 AM
Myself and my family and friends use those speakers and sub-woofers to enhance the experience of the music. I don't just listen to music for fun...it's a part of who I am, my mood dictates what kind of music is playing and this can only be enhanced by high-quality and often large, "booming" speakers.

I don't often listen to music with offensive lyrics at these volumes, unless I'm on the highway, but I will only turn it down in traffic if someone signals that it is bothersome.

I have yet to see someone at a light have anything but smiles, doing little dances in their car to the music, etc.

It's the few people who DO listen to vulgar lyric-filled music at 120 dB that give all stereo enthusiasts a bad name.
 
Show ALL Forums