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 Author Thread: Guys searching for you on FaceBook, etc., without asking & before you have met
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Guys searching for you on FaceBook, etc., without asking & before you have met
Posted: 10/17/2018 8:46:32 PM
[ quote] Keep that to yourself, be polite with your assumptions, and give the other person a chance to reveal themselves comfortably. What you dig up is more for YOUR peace of mind that it ever will be for anyone else. It usually doesn't take too long for a phony to reveal their true colors anyway.

Sweet Danimal, I think you put it well.

Several years ago, a guy I met on POF but had not met in real life yet called me at work. I had only given him my first name and my occupation but from that he was able to figure out who I was and called me at my work place, calling me by my full name. He thought it was funny; I did not. He *had* been planning to show up at my work place but, fortunately, decided against it because he lived too far away. I guess I'm old fashioned in this respect. I'm not hiding anything but it's unnerving when total strangers start looking things up about you. One guy who did a search on my phone number jumped to the conclusion that I was a psychotherapist because my phone number (erroneously) shows up on a website as belonging to a psychotherapist who is no longer in business. The link is that my work address was at that same address several years ago.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Guys searching for you on FaceBook, etc., without asking & before you have met
Posted: 10/17/2018 8:22:46 AM
Well, I asked the guy, "How did he find me on FaceBook?" I never gave him my name. He blocked me.

There's something creepy about the whole thing. He clearly is not the kind of person I'm looking for.

I'm starting to think maybe I should just take down all photos and not give out my phone number from now on.


Best if you had communicated with him about this as soon as he sent the friend request. If it wasn't the middle of the night, call him about it. Or text him, assuming you took communication away from here.


I didn't see his friend request, he told me, "You friended me on FaceBook, now let's meet in person." But I hadn't. The whole thing was kind of weird.


Another positive is he probably doesn't have anything bad on Facebook he's hiding.


He didn't have *anything* on his profile except his profile photo of him standing with his arms around two scantily clad Las Vegas showgirls and he was wearing a T-shirt that said, "Sometimes I do stupid things."

No, I have nothing to hide, but I appreciate a man who understands concepts of boundaries and consent. Snooping around like that doesn't fit into my idea of the way a gentleman ought to treat a lady. The guy is 70 years old and says he doesn't use FB.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Guys searching for you on FaceBook, etc., without asking & before you have met
Posted: 10/17/2018 8:19:33 AM
Well, I asked the guy, "How did he find me on FaceBook?" I never gave him my name. He blocked me.

There's something creepy about the whole thing. He clearly is not the kind of person I'm looking for.

I'm starting to think maybe I should just take down all photos and not give out my phone number from now on.


Best if you had communicated with him about this as soon as he sent the friend request. If it wasn't the middle of the night, call him about it. Or text him, assuming you took communication away from here.


I didn't see his friend request, he told me, "You friended me on FaceBook, now let's meet in person." But I hadn't. The whole thing was kind of weird.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Guys searching for you on FaceBook, etc., without asking & before you have met
Posted: 10/16/2018 11:32:40 PM
Not sure exactly what category to put this under but I'm wondering if I'm the only one who feels it's a bit creepy for a guy you've never yet met to look you up on FaceBook or other places and send a friend request without asking first. I'm assuming he did a search on my profile photo because I've only given him a first name and only because we were supposed to meet. I find this off-putting. Am I the only one who feels this way?
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
vegan being passive aggesive
Posted: 10/7/2018 4:24:47 PM
Why respond at all? Why argue about it?

Eat what you want. Let them eat what they want. Neither of you owes an explanation to the other.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 103 (view)
 
How many partners is too much?
Posted: 10/7/2018 4:19:40 PM

Would you date someone who has a sexual history with a lot of different partners? Do you yourself have a history with a lot of sexual partners?


I'd prefer someone with experience. On the other hand, I had one partner who was inexperienced but a very fast learner. He was awesome! But then again, he had the advantage of *my* experience.

And yes, I've had quite a bit of it.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Ghosting Friends
Posted: 7/10/2018 10:34:40 PM
Yes and I've known other people who have been ghosted by friends. It's very weird, leaves you wondering what happened. I guess it doesn't matter, obviously they aren't interested any more.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Message response rate
Posted: 1/5/2018 5:42:26 PM
"Yeah, that always gets me. What Really gets me is that when in basically Every study, men's Avg # they slept with is Notably > than women's Avg # they slept with -- most people don't bat an eye and see how this cannot be true."


Maybe some of them are lying - the men are bragging and the women aren't admitting they've been sleeping around. ;-)
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Message response rate
Posted: 1/5/2018 4:45:50 PM
My profile says, "If you want a response, have something interesting to say."

Typical message: "hi wanna chat?"

Either they didn't read my profile, they think that's interesting, or they think I'm just kidding. I don't respond to those messages.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
women's sexuality has come along way.
Posted: 11/8/2017 10:05:21 PM
At this age, you have to be slutty every chance you get because you never know when you're going to have another one.

(Actually, that's what a gay Buddhist priest friend of mine said to me when I told him I'd been kind of slutty lately.)

I did find that amusing. "Promiscuous stage." Mine has lasted about 25 years.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Would you meet someone whose profile says they are 10 years younger than they actually are?
Posted: 11/8/2017 11:31:05 AM

A better question is if he represented an age of 57 and then confessed to being 67, would you have any doubt? Polling others will not resolve this for you ... that will be internal as you negotiate the value of his potential youth and energy with his violation of your extensive list of rigid guidelines which already prohibit contact from those whose age is incorrect.


9Pluto - That would bother me just as much. It’s not about what age he really is but that he’s misrepresenting himself. I dated a guy a few years ago who turned out to be lying about his age and, in the end, I found out most of what he said about himself was inaccurate. I still don’t know how old he is and we were dating for a year. His profile says he’s the same age he said he was three years ago. I guess time runs differently in his world.

As for the dates on the photos, I have hardly any photos of myself. I assure you none are photo shopped.

6jellybeans:

“If I am interested the age is not going to put me off but the lie will. It is that simple.”


My feelings exactly.



"Will every question you pose have two answers?”


Aintnodeal: I have no idea. Probably not. You can go back and look at questions I've posted in the past and see if that was the case.

Iredurbio2:

"Ageism is the new frontier. Old people that don't like old people are just the kind of people I want to no!”


Exactly!

Gtomustang:

"maybe he's real interesting b/c he lies about everything else.”


Don’t think I haven’t considered that possibility! I went through that once before only in that case I didn’t know he was lying about his age until a few years after we quit seeing each other. I ran across his profile and he was still the same age he was when I was dating him three years earlier!



Butheremalls: “I think the answer would be pretty simple, unless I had built my profile around a bunch of lies in an attempt to attract someone not smart enough to see them and if that is the case sounds like you two are a match.”


I’m not getting your point. He’s not on POF and I don’t have that specific warning in my profile on another site.



Norwegianguy456: “Yeah, but they're not lying right to you -- they're fibbing in their profile.”


True, but the reason they are fibbing on their profile is to get attention through deceptive means.



From site to sight: "How would you know someone is lying-by 10 years-about their age,”


Because he said he misrepresented his age in his first email to me.



Hikernbiker74: "Makes you wonder what else they're lying about or will lie about in the future.”


Yep.



Lilimarleen: "What did you end up doing, OP?”


I actually haven’t done anything yet. I’ve been stalling responding.

After thinking about it and reading these comments, I’ve come to the conclusion that even if I agreed to meet him, this would be on my mind too much to pay attention to him. It just doesn’t sit well with me.

I do have a more recent photo I can put up, will attend to that in the next couple of days.


Thanks for all the input.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Would you meet someone whose profile says they are 10 years younger than they actually are?
Posted: 11/5/2017 11:43:42 PM
His profile says he's 51 but he said he's actually 61, that when he first went online and had his real age, he didn't get any hits, so he changed his age. He otherwise sounds very interesting but I'm really put off by this. What do others think? I've found that lying about one's age is, unfortunately, very common on dating sites. I wish I'd had the presence of mind to say oh, I understand, I lied about my age, too! I'm actually 74, not 64! But I didn't, I blew it, I said I found that a real turn-off.

What would you do? Would that be a deal-breaker or would you meet them anyway?
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Effort in a relationship
Posted: 7/10/2017 9:09:06 PM
Doesn't sound like he's interested in having you move in with him.

Doesn't even sound like he's that into you.

I couldn't stay with someone like that.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Lesbian dating Bi woman.. . Good or bad idea??
Posted: 7/9/2017 10:32:47 PM
I don't think one can answer if it is generically a good or bad idea. As always, it depends on the people.

There is a misconception that bisexuals cannot be monogamous. That is not any more true for bisexuals than it is for anyone else. So the real question is if you are looking for a committed, monogamous relationship, is this person also interested in the same thing and are they capable of it. Really, it's no different than finding out if *anyone* is interested in such a relationshp and capable of it.

How do I know this? Because I'm bi and I've been in three long-term monogamous relationships. I was married for 18 years, lived with a woman for six years, then dated a guy for four years. I never cheated on any of my partners. (I cannot say the same of two of them.) The problems that arose in the relationships did not have to do with my being bisexual but, rather, were common relationship problems.

Bisexual women are looked down on in some lesbian communities. That can be an issue for some bi women. Fortunately for me, my gay & lesbian friends were very supportive when I ended up in a relationship with a man again. These days, I'm mostly dating men but if the right woman came along, I'm still very open to that.



an actually way to tell rather or not a Bi woman is being truthful about dating one sex at a time (woman or man at seperate times.. Not at the same time)?


If you are not in a committed, monogamous relationship, it shouldn't matter who else they are dating.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Movies that move you
Posted: 7/9/2017 10:18:07 PM
Most recently:

The Eagle Huntress. It's a true story of a 13 year old Mongolian girl who became the first female eagle hunter in her people's history. It's breathtakingly beautiful, the story is amazing, and it's a fascinating glimpse into a culture most of us know little about. This deserves to be as popular as Wonder Woman - this story is for real!

Also, earlier this year I saw I Am Not Your Negro, words by James Baldwin. And Hidden Figures. Both films really had quite an impact on me. Powerful stories well told.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Alkaline diets and food combining
Posted: 7/5/2017 6:11:25 PM
I've known about the whole alkaline diet/food combining thing since 1972.

Only someone who does not understand human physiology could believe in it.

Don't take my word for it, go back and read CheshireCat's comments. She's an epidemiologist, she knows what she's talking about.

You are free to believe what you want but that doesn't make it right. And I'm free to correct misinformation when I see it.

Here's an article written by a dietician looking at the evidence.

https://authoritynutrition.com/the-alkaline-diet-myth/

Here's another article written by a cancer specialist:

https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/ph-miracle-living-dr-robert-o-young-finally-arrested-but-will-it-stop-him/

The body doesn't care what you believe. It's going to function the way it functions. You can learn about how it works and make decisions based on fact or you can cling to fantasy and let that be your guide. Your choice. Eating a so-called "alkaline diet" will probably not do any harm and may cause some people to improve their diet but not for the reasons they believe. However, I've seen what can happen when people shun real physiology and when you are in a health crisis situation, misinformation can make you ill and even lead to an early death. I've watched people die or come close to dying because they trusted quacks instead of people who really understood how the body works. It's pretty hard on kids when they lose their mother at a young age because their mom believed in quackery.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
What could I be doing wrong.. ??
Posted: 7/5/2017 11:13:49 AM
What are you doing wrong? I don't know, but it sounds like you are waiting for someone else to make your life interesting and fulfilling. Don't.

Think about the things you like to do and start doing them. Go hiking with the Sierra Club. Join a meetup group. Volunteer. Invite people over for dinner or to play games. Make your life full and interesting. Take dance lessons (90% of women like to dance, 90% of men don't - do the math). Take cooking classes - I just took one and 10 of the 12 participants were women. You might meet someone interesting and even if you don't, you'll be having an interesting life.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 67 (view)
 
?height?
Posted: 7/5/2017 11:05:01 AM
People can discriminate on whatever basis they want. They are not employers bound by federal anti-discrimination laws.

I discriminate on the basis of whether I find someone is interesting or not. Boring people need not apply. Height doesn't matter, though I do have a preference for men closer to my height, which puts short guys at a slight advantage.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Hostels in Zadar and Zagreb, Croatia, in September, 2017
Posted: 7/2/2017 8:51:27 PM
Well, a second reservation for a hostel has also been cancelled. This is worrisome. The first time I got a message that said that Hostel _?_ is no longer taking reservations through this site. I thought maybe they stopped doing it through the site. But then I had a *second* reservation with another hostel cancelled. When I went to the site, they were still listed with them but said they were booked up for the date I wanted. They were *not* booked up when I made the reservation a good two weeks prior. This is a little worrisome. I've gone and made reservations with several hostels now because I don't want to show up in a foreign country and have nowhere to stay!
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Hostels in Zadar and Zagreb, Croatia, in September, 2017
Posted: 6/8/2017 7:39:16 AM
For some reason, my reservation at Hostel Time Zagreb cancelled my reservation. The site says it is no longer taking reservations through their site. I have gone and made reservations at Hostel Chill Out and Hostel Emporium. The second is a new place, has a private room with a balcony, and include breakfast, for $11/night.

Getting excited about this trip!
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Hostels in Zadar and Zagreb, Croatia, in September, 2017
Posted: 5/9/2017 12:09:38 PM
Hello! I'm going to be traveling in Croatia. Most of the time I'll be with a group so accommodations are covered, but I'll be staying overnight in Zadar one night and in Zagreb one night. This will be early/mid September, 2017. I'm a budget traveler. I've looked online and made reservations at two hostels but I can change them. If anyone has any experience and/or recommendations, let me know, otherwise I'll just take my chances. These are the places I've booked:

In Zadar, Old Town Hostel
http://www.hostelworld.com/hosteldetails.php/Old-Town-Hostel/Zadar/29099?dateFrom=2017-09-08&dateTo=2017-09-09&number_of_guests=1&sc_pos=13


In Zagreb, Hostel Time Zagreb. I chose them for the location and it's economical.
http://hosteltimezagreb.com/#pricelist

Another place in Zagreb that interested me was Hostel Mali Mrak Zagreb but it's on the outskirts of town. Since I will have traveled 3-4 hours by bus and 1 1/2 hour by boat before arriving and will only stay that night, I thought I'd prefer a place more central, which this place is not.
http://www.hostel-zagreb.com/location/

If anyone has personal experiences with hostels/budget hotels/air bnb in either of these cities, let me know. Or if you have been to these cities and have recommendations of things I *must* do while there (for one day only) let me know. I already know about the "water organ" and "sun salutation" in Zadar. However, local foods, etc., that will be within easy reach will be appreciated. I'll be looking in guide books, too, such as Lonely Planet and Rick Steves.

Thanks!
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Asperger's: a big red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2017 8:22:06 PM
I'm not certain it's a big red flag. It's something to take into consideration.

I was dating a guy for awhile who I suspect has undiagnosed Asperger's. At any rate, there's something very different about him (introvert to an extreme) that interferes in his relationships, not just dating but with family and friends. I wish I had understood this better when I had met him because had I known, it probably would have helped me understand him better. Instead, I interpreted some of his behavior as lack of interest and it was very confusing.

After we parted ways, a friend of mine suggested the book Finding Kansas, written by a young man with Asperger's. It was helpful. Not everything about the author, Aaron Likens, is relevant to the guy I knew but in general it helped me to understand a bit more about his experience.

I've known a number of people who were diagnosed with Asperger's late in life and it helped to explain some of the dynamics in their relationships. Obviously, if they went that long in life without knowing, they were very high functioning. I think that with Aspies, as with other people, there is variety. For instance, I've heard that many Aspies are not so comfortable with physical closeness, yet the guy I dated was very cuddly and became an amazing lover very quickly. This is probably one reason I never would have guessed.

I think that in a profile I would state my preferences - comfortable clothing, other likes and dislikes - as personal preferences. It's a description of who you are and you are more than a diagnosis. Socially, you already have experience with figuring out the kind of people you interact with well and those you don't. If you meet someone you find interesting, I wouldn't tell them immediately because, unfortunately, that might discourage some folks from getting to know you better. If you get beyond a third date, though, I'd let them know so they have a context. You can let them know who *you* are, what *your* preferences are, what works for you and what doesn't.

Dating and relationships are a challenge under any circumstance. I've known some couples who have been together for a long time where one of the partners was diagnosed on the spectrum. A friend of mine has a son who is 28 and he has Asperger's and has had a steady girlfriend for three years.

Finding groups in your area certainly may help, or interest groups not specific to Aspies but that might tend to draw people who might be on the spectrum.

Good luck. Let is know how it goes.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Asking a girl at work
Posted: 3/12/2017 7:56:31 PM
It's a bad idea to try to date coworkers. For one thing, if they don't welcome it, it *might* be perceived as sexual harassment. And what if you did start dating and then decided to split up. Then you are working with your ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend. It used to be that companies did not allow it at all. I suppose now they aren't so strict but it can raise too many problems. Too many things can go wrong.

Bummer, I know, but think about it.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Is chiropractic treatment quackery?
Posted: 3/7/2017 6:13:24 PM

Absolutely not! They go through a rigorous educational process, and their knowledge of anatomy and physiologe is second to none. I remember hobbling into a chiropractors office like I would fall any second, and walked ot a half hour later, standing upright and finally out of pain


You're a doctor and you think their training in A&P is second to none? Where did you go to med school?

I've worked in four different chiropractic offices, with at least a dozen DCs, and been adjusted by several more of them. Most of them are quacks, plain and simple. Their knowledge of anatomy & physiology is less than mine and I went to a 300 hour massage therapy program. One acquaintance of mine who went to chiropractic school - Logan College - said they spent as much time on how to market their business as they did learning about the body. I was engaging in an online discussion with a DC who is an instructor in a school and he didn't know what PubMed was, had no idea how to look up or read research. I cannot recommend them outside of a very, very few who are science-based, and that was something they became *after* they got out of school.

I'd recommend a good physical therapist.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
what can i do to increase stamina?
Posted: 3/7/2017 6:01:20 PM
Weight training. Read Body by Science.

And up the intensity of whatever else you are doing.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Alkaline diets and food combining
Posted: 3/7/2017 5:55:40 PM
The surge in your energy is probably either a placebo effect or else you're just paying better attention to what you eat, getting exercise & sleep, etc.

The acid/alkaline diet think is quackery. Our body tightly regulates the pH of body fluids. That and food combining are not scientifically based. Think of this: your stomach acid has about the same pH as battery acid. Whatever you put into it is not going to alter your blood pH that much.

From Medicinenet: "A pH of 7 is neutral. The lower the pH, the more acidic the blood. A variety of factors affect blood pH including what is ingested, vomiting, diarrhea, lung function, endocrine function, kidney function, and urinary tract infection. The normal blood pH is tightly regulated between 7.35 and 7.45."

I'm glad you're feeling better but it probably has nothing to do with food combining or your diet affecting the pH of your blood.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Genital Numbness...hormonal or emotional...or?
Posted: 3/7/2017 5:46:56 PM
Why are you asking strangers on the internet. Get an appointment with a good ob/gyn right away.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 187 (view)
 
Do you hide your political affiliation on dates?
Posted: 2/18/2017 2:47:03 PM
I've got it in my profile that I'm politically liberal and it's important enough to me that if you aren't, please pass me by.

Twice I have been approached on POF by men who described themselves as politically conservative and chided me for excluding them, saying that wasn't very liberal of me. I decided to carry on some conversation with them anyway and in both cases they ended up getting verbally abusive, so I blocked them and reported them. As a result, I no longer give men who describe themselves as conservative a chance and explain that their fellow conservatives behaved too badly.

I definitely would not date a Trump supporter.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Foot Fetish men
Posted: 12/23/2016 11:29:40 PM
I've been contacted twice by men who said they had a foot fetish. I didn't care. What I did care about was that was all they were interested in. They were looking for a pair of feet, not a woman. That's what turned me off.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 54 (view)
 
I have Asperger's Syndrome & I live at home, how do I get a girlfriend please?
Posted: 12/23/2016 11:22:04 PM
I can't answer how you get a girlfriend. I suppose pretty much the same way everyone else does.

I was recently dating a guy I suspect has Asperger's and I don't think he's been diagnosed. I knew he was quiet, shy, and introverted, although he was quite relaxed with me when we were together. However, things got very confusing. He started becoming withdrawn and uncommunicative. I assumed he was losing interest in the relationship but he'd say things that indicated otherwise. In our last two conversations, he began telling me some things about how he was and I realized he wasn't just a shy introvert, it was to an extreme. There was clearly something going on that was not typical and it caused a lot of strain in his relationships with family, any woman he tried to date, friends. I felt very badly for him because he was obviously suffering over it. It was his decision to break off the relationship. I don't feel bad about him, he was very sweet and kind and generous and I really enjoyed his company. I wish he had told me these things sooner, it may have ended up the same way but might have saved me some confusion if I'd had a different context within which to interpret what he did. I worry about him because I know he suffers and I think if he was evaluated and knew more clearly what he is dealing with, it might help him out.


One of my friends is married to a man who wasn't diagnosed until he was in his 50s. Obviously, he's very functional but it helped to explain some of the difficulties they were having.

Honest communication is important in any relationship. Doesn't matter who you are.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Taking a poll....
Posted: 12/23/2016 11:06:40 PM
Don't expect anyone to change. If they aren't okay just the way they are, move on.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
What he says to other women
Posted: 12/23/2016 11:04:59 PM

I guess my question is, why do men lie about their dating status? I am always very truthful about the fact that I am dating, but not in a committed relationship.


Okay, you went behind his back, did something dishonest and sneaky, and you're asking why he's dishonest?

Sounds like you two are a perfect match.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Do you hide your political affiliation on dates?
Posted: 7/24/2016 9:48:26 PM
I have it in my profile that I'm liberal and values are important to me. I would not knowingly date a Republican or a conservative. I've had a few guys chastise me about this, saying this wasn't very liberal of me, and I said okay, and gave them a chance. They got abusive very quickly. So, I'm sticking to my values.

Yes, I'm up front about it. It's important to me.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 231 (view)
 
Being unrealistic about age of potential dates?
Posted: 7/24/2016 9:41:57 PM
A lot of men put age restrictions on their profiles that limit women to their age or younger, sometimes won't even accept messages from women their own age. I've been messaged by guys looking for women up to 25 years younger but won't accept women their own age. When you add in that a number of them are lying about their age. . . It's a pet peeve of mine. It works both ways.


People who do this may be missing out on meeting someone really interesting. I don't discriminate on the basis of age, I discriminate on the basis of whether someone is interesting to me or not.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Managing time together... how do you handle different interests?
Posted: 7/24/2016 9:33:42 PM
One should never try to stop one's partner from doing what they want to do.

He has a choice. He can accompany you to the film or see you on Saturday and Sunday. His choice. If he's an adult, he'll make a choice and live with it and not complain. If he's a controlling, demanding child who insists you give in, then *you* have a choice. Whatever choice you make, accept it and live with it.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Any other young guys enjoy sex with grannies?
Posted: 7/8/2016 9:59:04 AM

True, I Spose I really mean ladies 60+


Ladies 60+ would prefer you not refer to us as "grannies."

Apparently there are a number of younger men who enjoy the company of older women. I know, because I've been with quite a few of them. Why? I've asked them that. What they tell me is that we're confident in our sexuality (experience counts!) and there is a lack of drama. I like their company because they are livelier than most men my age.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
how honest are you? 2 part question
Posted: 6/18/2016 9:19:59 PM
Very honest.

No point in wasting time with someone with whom I'm incompatible.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Sex Injuries
Posted: 5/12/2016 5:15:31 PM
Strained my neck once. Not going to say what I was doing, just that it's important to use good body mechanics no matter what you are doing.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Who else doesn't have or want a tv and how does that seem to impact on your outward perception?
Posted: 5/12/2016 5:07:52 PM
I don't own a television. I did have one but I never watched it. For all practical purposes, I haven't watched television since about 1970. It hasn't appeared to have any effect on people's perception of me that I'm aware of. I'd consider someone more dull if they spent a lot of time watching TV.

I did watch the new Cosmos series with some friends. That was fun.

Mostly TV is pretty boring.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Religious children are meaner than the non-religious
Posted: 11/11/2015 11:20:08 PM

There are also studies that found that people who are atheists have a part of the brain (logic and reasoning) that doesn't work and another that most serial killers are atheists.


As someone who reads research on the brain, I call bvllsh*t on this one.


In fact, recent research shows that the hippocampus shrinks in religious people. Here's one article on the research that was published in Scientific American.

"The results showed significantly greater hippocampal atrophy in individuals reporting a life-changing religious experience. In addition, they found significantly greater hippocampal atrophy among born-again Protestants, Catholics, and those with no religious affiliation, compared with Protestants not identifying as born-again."

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/religious-experiences-shrink-part-of-brain/
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Question... HELP need opinion about how to tell......
Posted: 11/11/2015 11:00:33 PM
I have guy friends. I don't even bring it up because I think it's normal. I think you're making too big of a deal out of it. Don't even bring it up. Do you say to women you meet, "Oh, by the way, I have guy friends. They're just friends. Really." ??? I'll bet not.

I wouldn't even bring it up.

And I would not give up a long-term friend for a relationship with someone who felt threatened by my friends. Did that once. My husband was jealous of my guy friends. Even my gay guy friends. Eventually, he even became jealous of my women friends. I gave up good friends for him. In the end, you know who was the one who was "cheating"? Him, of course. No wonder. I guess he assumed I was like him - not trustworthy.

One of my exes was still friends with his former girlfriend. When he brought it up (we'd already been dating for awhile and it came up because they were going to have dinner together) I asked him, "Do I need to be worried about this?" He said, "No." I believed him because everything I knew about him until then told me he was trustworthy and, in fact, he was. It was never an issue.

Don't date insecure women. And stop talking about your women friends to new women you meet. It's not about hiding it. There are better, more interesting things to talk about. If there aren't, then *that* is the problem.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Clean eating recipes
Posted: 9/14/2015 9:54:30 PM
Okay, someone asked for my recipes. These are cheap & vegan, were part of my menu for eating vegan on $3/day. Prices were during August 2015.

Cuban Black Beans & Rice

• 4.00 cup(s), Beans, black, mature seeds, cooked, boiled, without salt (1/2 lb. $.77)
• 0.25 cup(s), Oil - Olive $.36
• 1.00 large, Onions, raw (@ 10 oz. $.63)
• 1.00 cup chopped (150g), Green Chopped (1 green pepper $.50 )
2 oz. fresh garlic, crushed $.24
• 1.00 tsp(s), Salt, table ( less than $.01)
• 2.00 Tbsp, Chopped Green Chili (1/2 can green chiles $.29 )
• 4.00 Cup, Rice - Brown - Long Grain - Cooked (2 cups dry 10 oz. $.56 )
Fresh cilantro, chopped $.10

Cuban black bean soup w/rice: $.43 per serving of 1/2 cup cooked rice + 1 cup black beans

Soak beans overnight. Drain. Cover with water and cook until tender. (You should be able to smash them between your tongue and the roof of your mouth.) Make sure they stay just covered with liquid. If, at the end, you have excess liquid, drain it off.

Cook the brown rice separately. (water to rice ratio is usually 2:1, salt water to taste)

When tender, smash some of the beans (like with a potato masher) so the liquid makes like a thick gravy. You can keep more or less of the beans whole depending on how you like it.
Chop onions, green pepper, garlic. Heat olive oil. Add onions, cook for a couple minutes. Add green pepper, cook a few minutes more. Add garlic, cook a few more minutes til everything is starting to get soft & fragrant. Add onion/peppers/garlic to the black beans. Add the chilis (or you can add green taco sauce). Let simmer, the longer the better. Serve over brown rice.

Scrambled Tofu:

(I made homemade tofu so I'm not going to add the price)

1 block tofu, drained
2 Tbsp olive oil (or 1/2 olive, 1/2 sesame oil)
2 ½ oz chopped onion
1 oz. chopped celery
½ oz. soy sauce
1 tsp. Thyme
Optional: 1 tsp. smoke paprika, 1/2 tsp. tumeric

Drain tofu. Set aside
Heat oil, add chopped onion and celery, cook until tender.
Smash tofu with your hands, add to onions and celery.
Add soy sauce, spices. (You can vary the spices to taste.)
Stir, cook until well heated. Serve with brown rice on the side.


Dal Bhat (Nepali style dal and rice)

6 cups water, boiling
1 cup red or yellow dal 200 g: $.74
1 tomato 10 oz: $.43
1 onion 10 oz: $.62
2 Tbsp. olive oil: $.19
1 tsp. tumeric: $.01
½ oz. garlic: $.06
2 oz. canned chiles $.29
½ tsp. paprika: $.01
½ tsp. cumin: $.01
1 inched minced fresh ginger: $.10
1 ¾ c. brown rice: $.49
Total: $2.95 for 7 servings = $.42/serving

Soak dal in water for 20 minutes. Drain.
Cook brown rice separately.
Chop onions, tomato, mince garlic, ginger. Heat oil, add onions & garlic, cook a couple of minutes. Add ginger, cook a few minutes. Add tomato. Cook a couple minutes. Add spices, cook a few minutes.
Add dal and about 4 cups water. Add chilis. Simmer, stirring occassionally. When dal soaks up water, add more water. You will probably need about 6 - 8 cups water total. It usually takes about 20 minutes for the dal to cook. The red dal (red lentils) will turn yellow. Cook until they are falling apart. The consistency will be a bit like split pea soup. Salt to taste. Put 1/2 cup cooked brown rice in a bowl, pour 1 cup dal over the rice. Garnish with chopped cilantro.

This is Nepali comfort food. It is tasty, nutritious, and satisfying.


Vegetarian Chili

Chili

1 c. (160 g) dry pinto beans $.18
6 oz. onion, chopped $.38
1 oz. canola oil $.04
1 can tomato $.89
1 green pepper $.50
1 tsp. chili powder $.04
1 tsp. oregano $.02
1 tsp. cumin $.02
Total $2.07 for 8 1 cup servings = $.26/serving

Soak beans overnight, drain. Cover with water, cook until tender. (Should be able to smash them against the roof of your mouth with your tongue. Drain cooked beans, reserve the liquid.
Chop onions, green bell pepper. Heat oil, cook onions & pepper to beginning to get soft. Add beans, can of tomatoes. Add chili powder, oregano, cumin, salt to taste. Simmer for awhile til everything is well cooked and flavors are blending. Add liquid from beans if needed.
Note: a cup of dry red wine is really good in this! ;-)

Black Olive Smashed Potatoes

Boil up some potatoes (red or Yukon Gold) - cut in chunks, leave skin on - in salted water til soft.
Drain. Put into a bowl.
Chop up some calamata olives. Drizzle olive oil over potatoes, smash with a wire whisk. They should stay chunky. Add chopped olives, mix together. This is delicious hot or cold.

Hope you enjoy these recipes.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Clean eating recipes
Posted: 9/7/2015 5:40:00 PM

What have you put together to eat during your experiment? Please share...that would be wonderful!


Sorry for the slow response.

For breakfast I would have a serving of bran flakes, 1/2 cup home made soymilk, and a banana. And a cup of tea. Cost: $.30

Snacks: carrot sticks, celery sticks, peanut butter.

Lunches and dinners:

Vegan chili and corn tortillas
Black beans and rice
Dal and rice

Kale and broccoli for green vegetables. Tomatoes. One night boiled potatoes and smashed them with olive oil.
The occasional piece of fruit: peaches (even at $.59/lb. one peach would cost $.46, quite a bit of my day's budget), a cantalope I bought for $.99 and got six servings out of, found kiwis 6 for $1 one day.

Made tofu and then made scrambled tofu for two meals. That was a lot of work but home made was cheap. Also made chocolate pudding out of soy milk. That was good.

I came in under budget and ran a nutritional analysis. It came out very good for most vitamins, minerals, protein, but I only got half the recommended daily allowance of calcium.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 170 (view)
 
has anyone actually participated in a threesome?
Posted: 8/16/2015 8:38:15 PM
Yes, but really, I prefer one on one. I get very, very focused on the person I'm with and trying to integrate two people is difficult.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Jicama recipes - got any good ones to share?
Posted: 8/16/2015 8:36:05 PM
Oh, those sound good!

I also made some marinated vegetables and put some sliced jicama in it.

I made a jicama and carrot salad with both chopped fine, almost like cole slaw, with a dressing made of ginger, lime, and black sesame oil. That was really good!
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Clean eating recipes
Posted: 8/16/2015 12:40:24 PM
"Arwen, clean eating is basically just being mindful of the food's pathway from its origin to your plate. "

Clean eating seems to mean different things to different people.

Some people use the term to mean shunning any sort of processed foods.

Others use it to mean organic.

Some use it to mean vegan.

There are all sorts of uses of the term and I couldn't tell by the recipes posted what you meant by it.

I've been eating vegan for $3/day for the last week. It was an interesting experiment. Actually, I did quite well - came in at $18 and some change by the end of the week. Beans, rice, tortillas, potatoes, home made soy milk, bananas, kale . . . and you've got the foundation of a very cheap, very nutritious, balanced diet that covers all the basics (except comes in short on calcium).
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Clean eating recipes
Posted: 8/16/2015 9:36:57 AM
Could you please define what you mean by "clean eating"?
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Do you make your own soy milk? What's your recipe? What do you do with the okara?
Posted: 8/16/2015 9:35:02 AM
I've just gotten back into making soy milk for the first time in probably 35 years. I used to make it because I was living in a vegan household and you could not buy it at the time. Now I'm doing it for fun and because it's economical. I don't have a soy milk machine. I use a blender and cook it in a pot.

If you use a soy milk machine, what is the ration of beans to water? How much finished milk do you get from X amount of beans?

Do you add anything besides water to the beans? I've read some recipes online where people (who use machines) add dates, a little oats, or malt extract (NOT malt powder or malt syrup) to their milk. How do they do that? When is it added? I've added just a little salt, sugar, and vanilla to some batches, not enough to make it taste sweet but it mellows the taste.

What do you do with the okara? I hate wasting it. Have any good recipes?

Have you tried different beans? Do you notice a difference in the taste?

Do you freeze it? I'm a single person and making very small batches doesn't make sense but I also don't want to keep it very long in the refrigerator. I'm thinking of trying to freeze some of it.

Looking forward to hear from others who do this.

Thanks.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Study Linking Vaccine To Autism Found Was Fraud
Posted: 6/21/2015 9:58:35 PM
CheshireCatalyst - I haven't checked this thread in awhile. Actually, forgot about it. Always wonderful to see you. I so very much appreciate you taking time to provide the science. Thanks!
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Jicama recipes - got any good ones to share?
Posted: 5/29/2015 8:16:18 AM
I'm going to make edamame hummus and use sliced jicama for "chips."

Besides trying to keep the calories down, I'm also trying to keep my carbs down and increase vegetables and fiber in my diet, hence the interest in jicama.
 
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