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 Author Thread: Met man, need advice
 Vohaul
Joined: 2/20/2014
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Met man, need advice
Posted: 10/5/2014 10:38:15 PM
The career clarification is a good one. Whether a guy is nice or not doesn't really figure into it as much; one of those downtown types I talked about? Charming as hell. Sweet, polite, considerate... takes photos of women while he's having sex with them and then surprises the rest of us with them. I think it's pretty awful, but I seemed to be the only one.

Oh, that guy I know is nice enough... for a given value of nice. As are people who kiss and flee. But again, I can only engage in wild guessing based on a limited window of information.
 Vohaul
Joined: 2/20/2014
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Tinder app
Posted: 10/5/2014 8:34:48 PM
You know, I'm not sure what to make of Tinder. My first reaction on trying it was "This is the airport bathroom stall of online dating."

Then I met a gal from it who was of significantly higher quality than I'm used to.

Then an ocean wave took out my phone, and my Windows tablet won't do Tinder, obviously.

So limited exposure tells me there's potential there. I'm a little leery of the physical match game, but I'm becoming broadly supportive of things that throw people into conversation more directly. I signed up for howaboutwe before I realized it made you pay for messaging and got a LOT of traction off of a novel date idea. Too bad I can't really contact any of those gals.
 Vohaul
Joined: 2/20/2014
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Met man, need advice
Posted: 10/5/2014 4:17:40 PM
I can only go with the wild guessing based on people I know in Los Angeles, and you absolutely must remember that even the heat here is shallow, so this could be wholly inaccurate and is definitely only one possibility.

You may have been hip-pocketed.

Until recently I lived in downtown L.A., which has undergone the most radical gentrification known to man. This, I have observed on multiple occasions, brings in that special class of high-functioning sociopath who is successful beyond measure and genetically blessed with strongly symmetrical features and a body that responds overly readily to exercise. And also a complete disdain for the feelings and possibly well-being of others.

The reason I'm on this tangent? They absolutely love to engage multiple people at all times. They must feel that they are receiving approval via affection. If there's challenge to it, all the better. A rotation of potential partners is put into play long after things get physical with any one of them, and many of them must be put on hold.

If you were to stop texting this man and he eventually came round and contacted you, this is almost assuredly the case. He may even be playing a light, semi-conscious version of this, depending on the situation of his separation and social situation. Likes women with demanding careers? Why? Does he like Hispanic women or women with a different (and potentially disadvantaged compared to his) background?

Not to get you paranoid. I could be way off base, this is just a sad, vast majority of what I see based on where I live.
 Vohaul
Joined: 2/20/2014
Msg: 143 (view)
 
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/5/2014 4:03:46 PM
A couple of things here.

Granted, I do not receive as many messages as women do, but I do get a lovely ratio of things that are thought out to "hi."

I ignore the most of these as well, unless there's just an absolutely lovely profile behind it. I did ask one gal why she sent something like that and her response makes a certain amount of surface sense when applied to either gender; there are so many non-replies that it doesn't feel worthwhile to make any effort in the initial writing of a thing. That also makes more sense of what I formerly considered these insipid face-rating games (I still think they are, mostly, and appreciate sites that include at least a snippet of the profile).

That said, a decent paragraph at minimum is still kind of a requisite. I've been taken with the occasional profile, written something just dash lovely, my own opinion of course, and gotten nothing. My own effort and idiocy goes into this at the end of the day, of course, so I don't take it personal.

I would guess... GUESS... that a lot of these people sending you the canned message are people who haven't had much luck with well thought out messages, either, and have just figured on playing the hard, stark numbers.
 Vohaul
Joined: 2/20/2014
Msg: 120 (view)
 
Why are girls so fickle on here?!
Posted: 10/5/2014 2:27:38 PM
To the original point; it's a numbers game. People are free to talk to multiple people, because it's not like most of them are going to pan out all that well. Hell, I got three in a row on really awesome lead-ups that went to, "Sorry, I decided to commit to somebody I've been seeing." Three in a row, nothing in-between. I took it so well that the women tended to end up apologizing or just stating that I was great (big damn help, huh?) but privately I did get jaded enough to drop out of the scene for a bit. Never once held it against anybody, but didn't like feeling like I was gambling, a habit I just hate.

But that's the scene and it's smart enough on anybody's part. Even yours. If somebody's so fixated on a person after only online conversation, it may be time to step back and consider yourself and what you're doing, exactly.

As for the gut reaction/instinct thing that's popping up here, I have to largely go with the "trust it" camp, at least as regards danger feelings. Where I diverge are the crowd that insists on instant chemical reaction as an indicator for how longer term things are going to go. I just think that's lunacy. Real affection is built on a shared narrative and things you can't possibly glean from a first encounter unless you have two very rare examples of that Bigfoot-like dating beast, the person who does not fear open, genuine expression (not to be confused with the "blunt, honest" **stard). People do enjoy ruining themselves on that snag.

But yeah, if somebody gives you the creepy vibe, best safe and not part of the siding on somebody's creepy greenhouse.
 Vohaul
Joined: 2/20/2014
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Guess you really do hit your sexual peek after 30..
Posted: 10/5/2014 2:00:28 PM
I think it's a bit of a psych thing, and the age of peak for women is steadily lowering over time. I think my generation (around 37) is the last one to have a bit of a late peak, as I've noticed more women maturing into a genuine interest in sexuality (as opposed to almost pure attention-seeking... though there are still a good number of profiles geared toward getting fans on instagram) toward their mid to late 20s now. Less shaming, more positivity.

Although certainly there may be a physical component. I just about went through a second puberty after a life-threatening illness scrambled my hormones a bit. A couple of months being absolutely asexual and then "Oh god, I remember this from high school."
 
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