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 Author Thread: PC is getting REALLY hard the older I get-
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
PC is getting REALLY hard the older I get-
Posted: 4/17/2010 5:44:28 PM
Perhaps since everyone is so offended by being anywhere with anyone doing anything... that you not leave your house or talk to people or do anything with anyone, in fear that they may offend you! Didn't your parents ever tell you that life wasn't fair?

Waaa... they had the nerve to pray when I was in the room!

Here's a tissue. Blow.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
PC is getting REALLY hard the older I get-
Posted: 4/17/2010 12:19:18 PM
double post
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
PC is getting REALLY hard the older I get-
Posted: 4/17/2010 12:18:59 PM
^^^ Go ahead, cause a fuss over every damn little thing if it makes you feel better. I don't care what you do, whether you follow rules, stay quiet or cause a big uproar. Makes no difference to me. Seriously... I don't care.

OP is not the person who is/was disrespectful of others in this situation.

Glad we can both have our own opinions on this.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
PC is getting REALLY hard the older I get-
Posted: 4/17/2010 11:29:52 AM
I think this is a case of "making a mountain out of a mole hill". Just stand there... think of what your going to make for supper tomorrow, hum yourself a little tune, or even stand there and silently make fun of their religion as they pray. Why make a big deal out of it and signalling yourself out of the group by sitting down.

Yes, you are that women that didn't show respect... would it have killed you to just stand there for 30 seconds? Nobody says you HAVE to pray. Sheesh.

Way to tell them "enough already"!
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/8/2010 3:55:09 PM
I would think it's the same answer as what TAKEN has said. Not to mention it's just a name... it's probably grown on you over the years (depending how long the marriage was) and it's a bugger to have to go through and change all your cards and documents, and then having to explain to everyone that you now go as such-and-such, rather than the name they know you as.

I don't think it's as big of a deal as you may think it is.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 3/29/2010 8:07:01 PM

BUT 6!!!!!!

6????????????????

6!!!!!!!

OMG,,,,,,,,6!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!!!!!!

My thoughts exactly!

OP...You shouldn't even be seeking advice. You should grow a pair of testicles and tell her like it is.

This is the advice I'd take, if I were you.

The very first time your friend needed you there for support and just to have someone with her during what could be an emotional and heart wrenching time for her, is completely acceptable and understandable. But after the first time, and onto the 6th time... no way! She's using abortion as a method of BC and she's either completely oblivious about what she's doing to these potential babies and her own body... or she's just THAT stupid. I'm thinking a bit from column A and a bit from column B.

OP, walk away now... but not without telling her how you REALLY feel first.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 223 (view)
 
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 3/26/2010 4:22:21 PM

Apparently almost none of these single moms made a mistake... at least that's what they keep telling us...

I've also noticed that almost none of them have argued against any of the actual points that have been made... They just tell the men to "get over it"...

But single mother's don't make mistakes... they make "gifts from God", remember?
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Missing school to go on vacation
Posted: 3/22/2010 5:53:22 PM
I agree with Karmic, let him take the day off to go on a vacation. Being at the doctors and hospitals is hardly any fun and this is a way for him to forget all the medical stuff and have a good time. My friend just took her kids out of school for a week to go on vacation and it turns out they didn't miss much, nor do they have a ton to catch up on. Let him have this day... and any other day that may come up in the future.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 55 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 3/20/2010 3:34:48 PM

hooked&happy you could have just as easily been one of us bad single mothers. What if your child's father had had a change in mind that does happen to some women. There are many women that are abandoned as their husbands decide to trade them in for a younger model but I guess that is just their fault too and that they choose poorly.

Oh my gosh Jenn, clearly you don't get that I wasn't necessarily referring to you... as a matter of fact, I wasn't referring to anyone here. I was making a general comment.

So widowers deserve kindness understanding because they are single mothers through no fault of their own but single mothers are sluts, stupid, and bad mothers. Got it thanks for clarifying that point for me.

Was that directed at me? I ask because I've never said anything of the sort. I also don't "deserve" respect... but I think that my dead husband does. He didn't do anything here.

I don't get what you are trying to say most of the time. You keep defending yourself about things I'm saying, when clearly non of it pertains to you. Why?

People are living longer which is probably why divorce rates have gone up

Um... right.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 51 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 3/20/2010 1:57:24 PM
Seriously Jenn... I don't care if you wanna make comments about me being a widow and losing my husband in a horrible car accident. It just shows me where you stand in the scheme of things and where your own head is at. I knew you'd become defensive at my comments and that's ok... but to bring my dead husband into this, is just, well... stupid.

Like I've said a thousand times (ok, maybe not a thousand, but it feels that way), I'm not saying what you did was wrong... as a matter of fact, I don't even give a rats azz about you and what you did. I'm just stating my opinion on what could be changed so that there aren't so many bitter single mothers out there who spend the rest of their days fighting with a man they didn't care about in the first place. If you were married... yadda, yadda, yadda... and what I've written doesn't apply to you, then why the need to lash back at me in the first place?

I feel kind of sorry for people who have to judge others to make themselves feel better its kind of sad and a waist of time because its not going to make u happy in the long run if ur so much better then everyone else ur not going to have many friends because ur too good to have friends. Just a thought. And as I said I apologize for your lose but do not assume to know me because u don't just like I don't know what u've been through either.

Glad, I hit a nerve though... makes for good conversation. Please don't feel sorry for me, I live an awesome life right now. I'm also not saying what I say to make myself feel better... like I've said, I have a great life. I also have NEVER assumed to know you... I don't CARE about you. BTW... you aren't sorry for my loss, so don't say so in your post.

Just a suggestion though, I haven't made any personal attacks about you... so please leave my deceased husband out of this. Thanks.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 3/20/2010 11:05:23 AM

Didn't know they were selling crystal balls to predict the future.

Right. If your trying to make me believe that all these guys showed absolutely NO intentions of not sticking around early on in the relationship, I'm gonna call BS. Go ahead... defend yourself. I would expect nothing less. But don't make excuses. We're not stupid.

To me that sounds like ur saying its okay for a man to walk away from his child.

Not even a little bit. No one should ever walk away from a child. But there wouldn't have been a child to walk away from had the sex not happened, right? I mean, you can place the blame on the dudes all you want... but you were there, you had sex, unprotected, and end up in a situation where the guy bailed. He shouldn't have, but as an adult, you should have made the decision not to have sex with him in the first place. No sex. No baby. No dead-beat dad issues.

OPs question is a simple question women don't always use the best judgment about who they decide to fall in love with or invite in their bedroom. They might foolishly believe a man when he is only after one thing.
Some men will tell a woman anything and sometimes we are foolish and will fall hook line and sinker for their lies. Women can be gullable and niave. Its a simple question with a simple answer. The reason women decide to keep the child from a bad relationship is because well at least something good came out of it.

That's a great answer. I've never once said that a woman shouldn't keep the baby in that type of situation. My beef lies with the responsibility of the man/woman at the moment of conception. Of course the mom has to do what she can to raise her child once the dad bails... but why let it get to that in the first place?

BTW, I don't have narrow views... I just don't have YOUR views. There's a big difference.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 45 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 3/20/2010 10:27:05 AM
OK ladyt... you sure got alot out of my posts that I didn't write. Clever girl. Yes, I can judge... why shouldn't I? Many on these forums do it, why should I be exempt? I'm not judging because I think I'm better... I'm doing it because I CAN. Huge difference.

If you don't feel right about it... well, to each their own. I have my opinions and I state them... it doesn't make them right, it doesn't make them batter than anyone else's, it just makes them my own.

The OP asked why a woman would have a child knowing the man would take off. I ask why a woman would ever sleep with a man who they know would take off to begin with? Valid questions, don't cha think... hm?
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 3/20/2010 7:06:15 AM

Please do not turn this into another thread about justification for people to walk away from their child. I do NOT agree when a man or a woman walks away from their child from their responsibilities. If they can't handle the responsibilities they should get fixed or not have sex.

I want to do nothing of the sort. I could care less who walks away and who stays. My point is the responsibility of being adult enough to know when your getting yourself into a potentially bad situation in the first place... before conception even occurs.

Your words "If they can't handle the responsibilities they should get fixed or not have sex". Yes... that goes for both parties (ladies and gents) before having sex. If you KNOW that you don't want his/her baby or they can't handle the responsibilities if you end up pregnant... then don't have sex with them.

It really shouldn't matter how a child comes into existence all that matters is they are here and they are little people that need to be loved and nutured. And just because you have a planned pregnancy it doesn't mean your not going to be a single parent.

I agree. I was a single parent after my first husband died, it happened. Divorce also happens. But in those cases, when the children are planned, the parents willingly take on the responsibilities of that child, right from the get go. There's no fight to get the guy to stay, there is no claiming the child is not his. It's planned that they both want that child and in most of the cases, that child is going to have a mom and a dad in their lives forever... whether they are married or divorced.

I get it, you have a baby (or more) without the dad in the picture and your just defending yourself from what I'm saying. There's really no need. I don't care about your situation any more than you care about mine. I'm not attacking the single mothers/fathers for their decisions here... I'm just stating my opinions. You love your children, as you should, and if your doing a great job in raising them, then fantastic. But to be brutally honest, I don't care what you do. I really don't. There was a question asked here by the OP and I'm giving my 2 cents. That is all.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
I feel like a success story!
Posted: 3/19/2010 6:34:03 PM

I honestly believe that if adults could behave MORE like adults then there would be fewer fathers bailing out on their kids.

If adults behaved more like adults, there would be less unplanned, "oops" pregnancies in which the dads could bail from in the first place. The father would have never bailed if there wouldn't have been unprotected sex in the first place. Now THAT would have been behaving like an adult.

 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 38 (view)
 
I feel like a success story!
Posted: 3/19/2010 2:09:17 PM

Most of us were surprises. I dont know very many people that actually planned to go off b/c to purposely get pregnant...most were caught off guard.

Most? Really? I doubt that. Your saying that just to be able to justify your own unplanned pregnancies and that of your friends. I would say that most people who go out for a time, get married and then have kids, have done so by making plans.

I was not a surprise, neither were my brothers and many of my relatives... I don't know who your friends are, but they certainly need a lesson in birth control and abstinence. If there are THAT many oops babies out there, we should be ashamed and definitely MUCH more educated.

I judge because there is an easy fix to these so called "surprises"... don't have sex or use proper birth control EVERY TIME. I can also judge because unlike you, I was not a surprise. My parents planned me along with my brothers. I also planned both of my babies. Seriously, is it REALLY that hard, in this decade, to plan when and with whom your going to have a child with? It's not bloody rocket science!
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
What kind of woman has or chooses to keep a child knowing that they won't have a father?
Posted: 3/19/2010 8:28:58 AM
This thread will never get any real answers because most of the women here are far to defensive and will respond with their emotions, instead of any kind of rational. OP, your going to be attacked only because your a man, if not for any other reason. And that's a shame, because despite what many of the woman around here think... men, actually have valid points in most of these threads.

It's become so normal now to just go out and have babies... accidents, planned pregnancies... it doesn't matter, it's the norm now, which is a shame. I wouldn't give up growing up in a 2 parent house hold for anything and I don't wish the same for my kids either. Nobody wants to take personal responsibility for their actions anymore and don't care to take the proper precautions or even take a second to think about what they are about to do... they just do it.

What happened to just being selective and responsible? I've never slept with just anyone. If he was a pr*ck, if he was abusive, if he had issues in his life that I didn't want to be a part of, then you wouldn't catch me offering more than a hand shake... therefore, no pregnancy occurred. Are more women just that insecure that they will sleep with ANYONE... and NOT use precautions to prevent pregnancy? I have to wonder too, that if there are this many unplanned pregnancies, using no protection, that there are just as many more people walking around plagued with the many types of STD's out there as well. Is nobody worried about this anymore? We're supposed to be a smarter generation than the last... but unfortunately, it's the opposite. We feel more entitled than our parents and grandparents were and yet take fewer responsibilities for our actions and expect to be taken care of... just because.

Babies should have a solid foundation of love from a mom and dad. There are exceptions, and there are many kids growing up in a wonderful one parent home... there always has been. But as for the OP's question, it takes a "special" kind of woman to get pregnant with a man they KNOW won't hang around. "Special" indeed.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
sandra bullock and jesse james? huh?
Posted: 3/19/2010 6:01:22 AM
SAguy is right... she (or at least her "people") knew all about him before they got married. It wasn't a quickie marriage either, they were together for awhile before they said I do. He had 3 kids and was married to a porn star. Like SAguy said, he had problems with his other relationships and it was out in the open for all to see.

Ahh... the curse of the Oscar has struck again. Or maybe it's the curse of the hollywood marriage... who knows? Either way, it was doomed right from the get-go.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Sandra Bullock and Jesse James? huh?
Posted: 3/18/2010 6:15:24 PM
Wow... a celebrity marriage that has ended up with infidelity and will eventually end in divorce... SHOCKING!

 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Gives me the choice of my child or him???
Posted: 3/6/2010 3:52:17 PM

Ummmm.... how did such a loser end up under your roof, with your child, if he has such a poor history? It appears as though you like to bury your head in the sand.

He's an a$$.... I'm still trying to determine your rationale for exposing that kind of environment to your kid(s). Geez! What gives with some of you moms?

How can you even post the idea you chose your kid over this a$$? At one point, you didn't.

What he said. ^^

The fact that you ever let someone like this into your life just amazes me. OP, this doesn't sound like a case of "he changed after we moved in together"... sounds to me like you knew it all along, stayed with him even though he was an azz, and now came here to try to pat yourself on the back for FINALLY getting of a man you should have never gave 2 thoughts about right from the get-go. You should be so proud. (rolls eyes)
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 1350 (view)
 
Mandatory DNA tests at birth?
Posted: 3/2/2010 6:58:31 PM

I agree with it 100%. That way, both parties know for sure. No one can deny, and no one can try to perpetrate the worst breach of faith that one party could ever do to another. I'm all for it.

I agree 100%. In my opinion, only those that might have something to hide would be against this.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Questions from Young Children
Posted: 2/28/2010 10:43:22 AM

OP, if you are that concerned with lying, by all means be honest....tell them "It is not really something I feel you and I should discuss, it is something personal between your mom and I. What matters is that I love you and we are ok, right?"

I like this response the best. You don't need to lie, but you also don't need to go into details. Just like you wouldn't tell some family and friends the most intimate things about your divorce, you don't need to be going there with your kids either. It's private and should remain that way.

At a young age, kids just want reassurance that everything is going to be ok... and they are just plain curious. Give them some food for thought without going into details. Let them know that everything is now ok and what happened in the past between mommy and daddy doesn't affect how much they are loved and what the future holds for them.

As for the death question, I had this exact same question from my daughter several years back, tears and all. She came out of the blue and said "when you and daddy are gone and grandma and grandpa are gone, then I'll be all alone". I assured her that she'll never be alone. I told her that when grandma and grandpa die, she'll still have mommy and daddy and when we're gone, she'll have a family of her own who loves her as much as we do. I told her that it will be a long time before we are all gone, but that she will NEVER be alone. Years later, after her dad did die, it was a bit easier for her to cope because she knew that even though he was gone, she was not alone.

Kids are such fantastic little creatures...
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
does ANYONE speak up for what they think is right anymore
Posted: 2/28/2010 7:37:17 AM
Umm... I'd love to respond to your post... but perhaps if you posted when you were sober, I'd understand a word you said. Good luck with your crusade to free all dogs from captivity though... sounds like a great cause (oh, and when your sober, you'll recognize that was sarcasm).

Cheers
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 45 (view)
 
does ANYONE speak up for what they think is right anymore
Posted: 2/27/2010 8:35:42 PM

Lets see...Before humans started putting them in back yards and in cages the dog species were not in confinement or did they have limitations..I will stand by what i stated..Putting a dog in cages or in back yards is cruel.....I get a kick out of people that claim they love dogs,But they are more than willing to put it in confinement and let it bark 7/24...That is very cruel......

And keeping a dog in the house for the entire day, just to place a leash around it's neck and walk it to the end of the street and back is not cruel?

If dog's could talk, I'm sure they'd rather their owners let them out in the back yard for the afternoon, than have them confined to a stuffy house until "mom and dad" get home.

BTW, owners usually don't "let" dogs bark 24/7... they actually have little control over that. While the dog is outside enjoying the open air in the back yard, it may hear the neighbours lawnmower or see a wandering squirrel or bird come into it's territory... therefor getting a bit peeved and start barking. It happens.

The only reason there are whales, dolphins, seals, etc. performing in front of crowds of people on a daily basis is because of the $$.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
19 y.o. Olympian criticized for celebrating with Alcohol after Victory
Posted: 2/26/2010 2:56:36 PM
Ugh... seriously, this is what the world is complaining about now? Sheesh, I'm sure there must be something better in the news than this?

First the Russians call our mens hockey team weak... even though they won. And now there's this HUGE uproar over the Canadian ladies having a brew after their gold medal win.

Grow the fvck up.

Go Canada!
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
does ANYONE speak up for what they think is right anymore
Posted: 2/25/2010 3:43:39 PM

i wonder- are we really sure that we have the highest brain
capable of the highest order of ethics
is there nothing that man won’t do for money
nothing more than money whores
is there really a need to watch orcas jump from a tank
to watch animals do things contrary to their nature-
like horses jumping through rings of fire

Short answer... NO.

As we've seen time and time again, there isn't much man won't do for the mighty dollar.

It's embarrassing really.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Moving away from their Dad...
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:18:21 PM
^^^ Seriously, do you EVER know when to quit?

I love the name calling though... it's so grade school. After reading the last 2 pages of this thread, I would expect nothing less from you. Happy highjacking!
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Moving away from their Dad...
Posted: 2/23/2010 5:33:58 PM

Or else all three of you could grow up, give your opinion on the topic of the opening post (which is actually the rule of posting) and keep your personal bickering (or foreplay, whichever it really is) in private.


my thought exactly

You do know that CN was talking about you, right?

On topic:

I think the OP has a long haul in front of her. Not just literally with all the driving, but also dealing with the distance and how her kids will deal with it. Like one poster said, as the kids get older, they will want to spend some weekend time with thier friends and doing thier own activities... therefor preventing time that they spend with thier dad. That has to be taken into consideration. I'd say go ahead and move. Just make sure your not doing it for selfish reasons... and you, your kids, and thier dad will be just fine.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Minimalism
Posted: 2/20/2010 7:47:14 PM
Nope, I'm not a minimalist. I love the stuff I have and if I can have more, I probably would. Giving up my "non-essentials" wouldn't make me a better person... so I might as well keep all my crap and continue to be a good person.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Dad's wedding, son don't wanna go...
Posted: 2/9/2010 3:58:23 AM

wow .... there's a cheap shot to young teens out there... Let's hope you're kids aren't reading this.

So every kid out there, if they don't have an overbearing momma bear telling what they should and shouldn't do, is gonna end up pregnant, with STD's ....the such?

.....have you ever once, considered, there might actually be a (you better sit down for this one) .... "A DECENT, SMART, TEENAGER" out there?

OOOOooOoOOOoooOOo I know - don't trip over that one. But y'know what? Society has actually produced a couple or some.... batsh*t crazy, I know - but it's true.

Hmm... call me crazy, but I'm sensing a hint of sarcasm here...

Cleary you and I see differently on this matter. Not to mention your very defensive... perhaps your the one who's not very happy?

Take care now, bye bye then.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Dad's wedding, son don't wanna go...
Posted: 2/8/2010 6:41:54 PM

Hooked .... you don't sound very Happy :(

Why? Because the only thing that would make anyone happy is to agree with you? Hmm.

If your child is incapable of making his own decisions by 15, then somewhere, you've failed.

Sure, all 15 year olds are capable of making decisions... but can they make rational decisions that they won't later regret? Nope... otherwise there would be alot of teenagers without babies, STD's and still in school or living at home. Making decisions and making the RIGHT decisions are two different things.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Dad's wedding, son don't wanna go...
Posted: 2/8/2010 3:53:22 PM

MAKE him go? lol .... are you people brain dead?

Um, if you read back, no one has said she should MAKE him go anywhere. So I guess "us people" aren't brain dead after all.

Doesn't anybody 'get it'? 13 yr olds and 15 yr olds DO actually grow a mind of their own, and CAN actually decide who they like and don't like.

Don't YOU get it? At 13 and 15, kids haven't developed the abilty to fully reason and make rational decisions. Hence the reason they have parents... who are supposed to help them in the decision-making process... let them know the pros and cons, ask questions and help them think outside the box... instead of the oh-so common teenage response of "I just don't want to".

If we think teens are out of control these days, just imagine if most of us parents had the attitude of "meh, they have thier own brains, let them do what they want to". *shudder*

Discouraging their independant decisions is pretty much knocking down their process of decision making.

Part of the process of decision making is knowing ALL of the options and listening to others regarding the decision your about to make. If OP lets her son make all the decisions... no matter how silly and rediculous they might be... what exactly is he learning? In the real world, we don't always get to do what we want to do. It's part of being an adult.

In addition, ask him if there is anything that you could do, that would help him handle the situation if he decides to go and things gets ugly? (Like being around in a hotel room, or whatever). That way he will feel like you are an ally, not an enemy in this difficult decision.

I like this idea... give him the chance to be there for his dad, as well as the chance to get away if it gets to stressful.

Another idea is to let him take a friend or two. Having his friends there might take away from the uncomfortable atmosphere he's been dreading. Make it a day where he goes to the wedding, and then later is off to hang out with his friends and have some fun.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Dad's wedding, son don't wanna go...
Posted: 2/8/2010 11:17:26 AM

Wow...OP he has to go. What's the deal - you are trying to replace his dad with your new man? And your son likes the new guy and the father's new gal is nuts...so what, therefore you "win" somehow?

Come on now...it's completely disrespectful to his father for him not to be there. You know that.

I agree. Whether your son hates the new g/f or not, it's still his dad. He's 15 and doesn't know much past his emotions right now. He may hate her, but at the same doesn't realize that his dad loves him and wants him to be there to share in his wedding.

As for being 15 and wanting to rather have fun... how about being 15 and learning about responsibilites and sacrifices?

My son wasn't to fond of her either, they got along but he's the type to be kind and respectful.

If that's the case, then he shoud be held to this... being there for his dad would be kind and respectful.

Don't force him to go... but don't let him just turn away from his dad over some nut-case girlfriend. Thier relationship is more important than your sons feeling for this woman.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Should I let my friend move in with me?
Posted: 2/8/2010 6:43:09 AM
Um, no.

I'm not sure where you are, but I do know there are always people looking for a roomate to share living costs. Get ANYBODY else but your best friend. That's bad sh!t waiting to happen. Why would you even consider him?
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
How to put my 7 month to bed?
Posted: 2/8/2010 6:38:34 AM
I agree with the posters who said leave well enough alone. As long as she's not lying there for 20 minutes screaming her head off, let her fall alseep on her own. I don't know too many babies who fall asleep the second they are laid down, unless they are asleep already.

Sounds like a pretty good baby.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Does it really matter what time of day you work out?
Posted: 2/7/2010 1:36:01 PM
It doesn't matter what time you do it... as long as your doing it. If it's better for you in the morning, then great. If your mornings are too busy, then do it in the afternoon or evening. As long as your being consistent with your working out and eating a healthy diet, you'll lose the weight... no matter what time of day.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 726 (view)
 
An unofficial look at CS payment amounts.
Posted: 2/6/2010 7:24:33 PM

good post, i think yours was one of the least venomous and most fair, appreciate it.

I agree! Teal, you made many good points and asked very important questions. It's just too bad that many on this forum won't see it that way.

Kudos to you!
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
what's with the pajamas?
Posted: 2/5/2010 6:42:03 AM

LOTS of the college girls wear them to class, and do not really appear to suffer any esteem problems associated with clothing. I think it's more a "I need to roll out of bed in my jammies for my 9 am class" thing. And on campus it's ALSO guys.

Wow... I have to be at work for 7:30am and yet I can muster up enough time to put on clothes that I didn't just sleep in or pull off the bedroom floor. It's really not that tough.

It has little to do with comfort... I have ALOT of comfy clothes that aren't PJ pants. It has alot to do with being lazy, and just not giving a rats azz.

Last year I had 2 high school students come to my work for a job interview... both wearing flannel PJ pants. Ugh.

But we do thank you for the cheap entertainment/laughs.

 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
What do you think??
Posted: 1/31/2010 6:23:44 PM

I have recently met a man who says he believes women are not strong enough to be single parents or strong enough to be single at all.

What does he mean women are not "strong enough"? It doesn't make any sense. In this day in age, women can provide financially for thier family, women can provide the emotional stability and can multi-task when it comes to running a household, raising kids and being out in the work force... the same way a man can do all of those things.

His comment makes no sense at all.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/28/2010 5:17:27 PM

Labels are for cans of vegtables not people. But hey, thanks for the angry guy thread. We all love those.

Is it really any different than the many other angry woman threads started on a daily basis?
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
new visitation arangements
Posted: 1/23/2010 5:47:05 AM

If it upset you that I called your friend or other identity on his baseless attack on this young woman, that's just too bad. Those comments were, and still are, completely out of line.

Meh, he's not my friend... I don't know him and I could care less what you say to him. I was responding to your post and your post alone. YOU think his comments were out of line, that's YOUR problem.

Yes, I did perceive your post as being "pro-mom" and not taking into consideration the fact that the dad may have his own issues and the OP is perhaps being difficult. You don't know... and neither do I. So why make assumptions?

Not even... are you projecting your perceptions based on how your ex feels about you onto this situation?

Not even... I don't even have an ex to project anything on. I'm basing it all on your post.

It would be nice if the OP would come back to clarify the situation. The posters have posed alot of good questions, and without the answer to them, it makes it hard to give any advice.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
new visitation arangements
Posted: 1/22/2010 4:26:53 PM
I agree with the posters who said if your not working full time, then why not take your son while he's working?

It's not a cut and dry situation. There can be alot of comprimise and alot of give by the both of you... so why not play nice and try to work this out as his parents instead of some sort of business?

When two people get divorced, how they spend their time becomes their own business. Each parent needs to be fully responsible for the children during their custodial period, and each is entitled to spend their non custodial time however they choose. Neither has the right to dictate or demand anything from the other. If he asked you to help out, and it was not an issue for you to do so, that would be a nice gesture, and probably in the child's best interest. But to demand it on his terms is ridiculous.

Um, perhaps I missed something in the OP's post, but nowhere did she say he "demanded" anything. Like you said, if he asked her to help him out, it would be a nice gesture... well, perhaps that's the case? He simply asked her to help.

However, from the way the original post is written, it appears as thought this man is demanding to have things his way with no consideration for what the young lady may be trying to accomplish in her life.

Again... re-read the original post. It sounds nothing like how you describe it. You "perceive" it that way. So it must be so. How do you know that the man is not working as hard as he can to make money to provide his CS to his ex? How do you know that he's not in school trying to accomplish his life as well? You don't.

No wait... he's the dad, so clearly he MUST be a deadbeat who abused his ex, who ruined everything and is good for nothing? Am I getting close?
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Single fathers, male role model, the boy code, custody and equality: Paradox?
Posted: 1/16/2010 7:41:04 AM

generally speaking, women are not as invested in their feminity as men are in their masculinity.

I have to disagree as well... totally false. Being a woman and having a husband... I invest WAY more time being feminine than he ever could be masculine, and I would say the same goes for most women compared to men. Like MY I said, take a look at the malls... who are they geared toward and who spends more time there?

For me as a woman, I don't feel that I have to act/dress/talk a certain way to maintain my feminity...I am simply who I am...take it or leave it.

And what "way" is that exactly? You seem to maintian that men act a certain way to be masculine, yet I don't see that in most men. They are also "simply who they are", take it or leave it. Women also don't have to act a certain way. We say what we say and wear what we wear and do what we do because it makes us feel good about ourselves. Again, no different than a man.

Since when do men and woman have to be the same? I'm not one for cutting down trees and using a chainsaw, if my husband does, and he likes to use the chainsaw and cutting up wood, does that make him a masculine man? Does that mean he's adhering to the "boy code"... that he shouldn't feel the need to do that, because chopping wood to heat our house is considered "too manly"?

There are many things that my husband does that I don't, and visa versa. I do the laundry and he mows the lawn... is that bad? He fixes the car and I make supper... is that bad? I wear make up and put on frilly underwear, and he wears a ball cap and muscle shirts... is that bad? Nope.

If men doing doing manly things is wrong... then I think it should be the same for women. Go ahead and tell women that they can't act feminine anymore. Yeah right.

Let's all be equal... lets all wear the same silver jumpsuit, have the same haircut, talk in the same monotone voice and make babies in a petrie dish. God forbid if we're different in ANY way.

Ugh.. this thread is so one sided it's not even funny.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Single fathers, male role model, the boy code, custody and equality: Paradox?
Posted: 1/15/2010 8:34:05 PM
I'm wondering if the OP, being a male himself, intended for this thread to be turned into a man bashing thread?

Ladies, I have rarely seen a thread where a man wasn't jumped on with all the claws out for having any kind of opinion... on anything. When on the other hand this place seems to be a breeding ground for women who seem to think they're self-righteous opinions are far more superior... because they have a uterus, have some sort of right to bytch about men.

It's no wonder men feel like they have to pull teeth to get any kind of fair treatment when it comes to being a parent. When you have a man like the OP who seems to be "fighting for the womens rights" and all the ladies lined up behind him patting him in the back.

Since when is blaming someone else for your personal choices acceptable on these boards? You know what....perhaps YOU should have picked a better wife for you, one who actually believed in equality and the fact that it doesn't take a vagina to be a SAHP but who actually believes that at least one PARENT should be the SAHP. Who is it really that wantst to keep up with the Jones' anyway? If you picked that type of person to marry, whose fault is that? Hers? Nope.....that would be the man in the mirror's fault. I suppose only women want to keep up with the Jones' eh? Bullcrap!

Um, look around these threads... there are more women with issues here than there are men... ten fold. This place is crawling with women who "blame someone else for personal choices". I'm sorry you feel attacked by these few men who are brave enough to walk amung the lions here... but maybe, just maybe, you should hear these guys out. Pull back your claws and knock down that wall. Thier points are just as valid as yours.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
I was just curious to what you think.
Posted: 1/3/2010 5:23:53 PM

and I suppose I also failed to mention that he has been lying about seeing these women, even the one that was brought into my home.. he said they were'nt dating, but I would always see them holding hands or kissing..

He shouldn't have to to lie to anyone about who he is dating... he's an adult and can date whoever he wants. Your the one making him feel he has to "hide" the fact that he's dating.

Your hurt, and that's understandable. But you have to understand that your dad is going to mourn and date at his own pace.. not the YOUR pace. You want him to get councelling because YOU think it's too early for him to be dating. Your the one who needs councelling to help to deal with your dad moving on. That's not meant to be mean, but it's something you have to deal with as well.

I heard from a therapist that the widdow should wait atleast a year...

Like lookingelsewhere said.. there is no set time... no matter who says it.

Let him date for pete's sake. Stop quoting everything he says as if it's the honest to god gospel. He may have said he needed more time, but if the right woman comes along, and he feels it's right to see her... then he'll date... despite what he said before.

You and your dad (and the rest of your family) are dealing with emotions never felt before. Please don't be angry with your dad.. that's one emotion that shoudl be left behind. Be supportive of him and his choices... keep an open mind and dialogue with him. You both need each other... don't let this tear you apart.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
You paid how much for that?
Posted: 1/3/2010 12:15:42 PM
Why? Because they can and they will.

Of course stores like that, although open to the public, are meant for the very wealthy. It's a status symbol.. as if us normal folk are going to bow down at thier feet and worship them because they have a hand bag made of the same material as everyone elses, but $2000 more expensive. Whippty-do.

It's the majority of people who put more value on material items than anything else and people who think they are "better" than the rest of us, who buy this kind of stuff.

I don't care that people buy these crazy expensive items, I have indulged and spent $200 on a pair of jeans before, all because they looked good and made me feel great. The designers are having a hay day though... they put the rediculous prices on it and the weathly people pay. Cha-ching!
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Tips for an Athiest who will be attending midnight mass with bf & parents
Posted: 12/24/2009 1:39:52 PM
Michelle, go ahead and laugh... I did my first few times attending mass!! I converted to become Catholic many years ago, and when I heard the little bell ring before communion, I was laughing so hard inside that I almost peed my pants! You'll make of it what you will. Only participate in what you feel comfortable in doing and leave the church knowing you did something special for your boyfriend. That's what this time of year is all about!

Good luck!
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Tips for an Athiest who will be attending midnight mass with bf & parents
Posted: 12/24/2009 11:48:40 AM

You can participate in the rituals and ceremony as a guest. You don't have to believe in anything more than the basic premise of fellowship. That is the underlying connection based in our common humanity. Mass celebrates that in a certain way. If you can set aside the need to pick at the details, you'll be able to fit in with the spirit of the event in a broad sense. This is just their way of gathering together to appreciate what we all share being human. They include you out of love and acceptance. Return the sentiment, and enjoy it.

Beautifully said!
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Tips for an Athiest who will be attending midnight mass with bf & parents
Posted: 12/24/2009 11:42:53 AM
As a Catholic, I'd suggest you stand when they do and sit when they do and stay sitting when they kneel. That's all that's too it. No need to make it an odd experience. It's no different than attending a wedding inside a church, chapel or temple. You go, you do and you leave.
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Labels........
Posted: 12/24/2009 8:48:50 AM
If your single, and a mother... then your a single mother. It's not hard to understand.

There is a huge difference between a woman that went out, had a one night stand, and got pregnant, and accepted that responsibility, and someone that was married for however long and had children as part of that marriage, and a widow. I am not judging anyone. I know everyone has their own circumstances.

It doesn't matter who your referring to... a widow, an unwed mom, a crack whore, whatever... if they are single and they are a mother, then guess what? They are a single mother. I don't find the term offensive at all.

What would you prefered to be called?
 hooked_and_happy
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 108 (view)
 
my kids don't need a father, they already have one
Posted: 12/19/2009 6:37:57 AM

my kids don't need a father, they already have one

I have to wonder why single mothers would think that it's bad for thier kids to have another "father figure" in thier lives. Most single mothers I know who are in a long term relationship or married to another man seem to enjoy having a man around to share all the household duties as well as the responsibility of the children.

I don't like when a woman says "I'm not looking for a dad, my kids already have one". If your looking to marry again, then infact your looking for a man who can take on the roll of a father to your kids. If thier real dad is loving, caring, guiding, nurturing and fair... then wouldn't you want all of those traits in the man you choose to marry, the man who is going to be with your kids more than thier actual father is? It's not a bad thing to bring another dad into your kids life. Kids can never have too much love and respect and guidance. And if your going to let this man be a full time part in your life.. paying bills, doing chores and loving you.. then you must let him be a full time part in your kids lives too.
 
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