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 Author Thread: ~~Valentines Day Party 2/14/09~~Ashland, Ky/Huntington, WV/Ironton, OH~~
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
~~Valentines Day Party 2/14/09~~Ashland, Ky/Huntington, WV/Ironton, OH~~
Posted: 2/12/2009 3:50:03 AM
Can someone tell me what the dress code will be for this party? Would it be considered overdressed to wear a skirt, or will everyone be wearing jeans?

Thank you.
Suzie
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 137 (view)
 
Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/3/2009 2:15:09 PM

They both chose to have sex on the first date! That was a personal choice from both of them! Even though I don't do that, as long as they both agreed, who's to say it was wrong?

If he truly thought he liked her, then THEY had sex, and afterwards shared a discussion, that is just something that happened! The fact that she opened up to him does not obligate him to date her, or to feel like scum. He did not say he was not going to date her due to her past.
He has stated that he was trying to make it as painless as possible to tell her something that might hurt her because of her past. He was trying to not be cruel.

Saying he didn't want to date her either way is just a reality. If everyone that ever had a one night stand was required to date that person, I think it would be quite interesting, don't you?

Sleeping with this woman does not obligate this man to date her. This woman confiding her personal past to this man does not obligate him to date this woman!

The fact that the OP does not feel any kind connection toward this woman for a LTR doesn't make him a bad person.

Although I will probably get crucified for this:
IF SHE HAD NEVER REVEALED TO HIM A PAST THAT HAD MOLESTATION, WOULD ALL OF YOU BE SOOOOOOO HARD ON THIS GUY? ARE YOU NOT IN EFFECT MAKING HER MORE OF A "VICTIM" THAN HE IS?

It would then just be a case of......oh, he had a one night stand, and he doesn't see any relationship in the future, so he is doing the right thing by telling her, and walking away.


Very well said.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/2/2009 3:47:03 PM

Did I make a mistake by sleeping with her on the first date? Perhaps. But that's for me to live with and not for you to judge me.


So Op, are you going to come into a forum again and ask for any advice? Just a little humor there. But that's what these things are for - to gain a wider perspective on the subject at hand. Although I know you have spent alot of time defending yourself, just keep in mind that there aren't any right or wrong answers here. Because ultimately, the decision is yours, and you will be the one living with your decision. So I send my best wishes to you and good luck.




 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 76 (view)
 
Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/2/2009 10:24:07 AM

You are still a douche because you used her for sex. Regardless of what she went through and you went through in the past. As for your statement "But things happen when two adults hang out sometimes." It's highly wrong. I have and still do hang out with males (most of my friends are guys) and have yet to go oh it's sex time let's jump into bed. It seems like you still have a lot of growing up to do.


I am just wondering why there is no mention of any wrong doing on the girl's part in this post? Does she not share equal responsibilty in this? If a girl does not wish to be used for sex - then she needs to keep her legs closed until she truly gets to know someone that she can trust. Cmon. We all know this. And if he does not wish to be in this predicament again - he needs to keep it in his pants. And that is what growing up is about. He is not a bad person; he had a one night stand, for crying out loud.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/1/2009 5:10:46 PM

Here's my decision, I am going to take her out for a drink and explain why I think we shouldn't see each other anymore. I hope you have all enjoyed the sideshow of my personal life.


I think that is a wise decision, Op. The fact that you have enough of a conscience to care whether you hurt her in my opinion says alot about your character. So you had a one night stand. Do I think one night stands are wrong? Yep. But regardless of her past issues, the responsibilty of wrongdoing here belongs to you both. You live and learn, Op. And trust me. You will.

Good luck.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How Do You Know When You Are Being String Along ?
Posted: 2/1/2009 4:48:45 PM

I have one thing to drop here. If someone never wants you to see or come to their home, they are married, or living in a food dumpster.


That was funny, I don't care who you are!!!
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
How Do You Know When You Are Being String Along ?
Posted: 2/1/2009 4:46:55 PM
Serious red flags, here. Go with your instincts. Run for the hills.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/1/2009 4:29:33 PM

Suzie, vietnamese budhism focuses heavily on sex within a loving relationship only and the repercussions of casual sex. their doctrine explains in detail what they consider damage done to the soul, emotions and the physical body by casual sex. i found it fascinating. i don't have a book title to recommend but i did order a few books through my local library system.

Yeah viking! Good plan![quote/]

Thanks for the info, Sleeping Beauty. I have been in that position once before, and yes, I do feel it is damaging to the soul. Maybe it is because I am a woman, but I will never do that again. It sure didn't help my self esteem or my feelings of self worth, and it will not be a mistake I will ever repeat. Thanks for your feed-back.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/1/2009 4:06:43 PM

And you are? How can you possibly make this judgement call?


And I am what? I made this judgement based on an experience i had years ago. I agree with Sleeping Beauty. One night stands can literally hurt your soul. Sex on the first date and one night stands are just plain wrong. And just like everyone else on here......that is my opinion.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/1/2009 4:02:02 PM

viking, i think the best way to handle it is to be very loving and spend time with her as a friend. when we allow an intimate encounter to become a one night stand it does something negative to our soul. go out for a drink or dinner and just hang out a few times this week.

tell her you usually don't have sex like that without getting to know someone then tell her the truth as you told us or just be a loving friend. she will figure out that it isn't evolving into a LTR. but you can end it with love and kindness and that is the difference between grown ups and children.


Sleeping Beauty, this is a great response.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Sensitive issues
Posted: 2/1/2009 3:54:18 PM

I met a girl last night and ended up having sex with her and she revealed to me some past issues regarding molestation. I am very aware of that type of situation and was very understanding, but I don't think that I should see her anymore because it would not be healthy for her or I, but I don't want to hurt her. I have never been that guy that doesn't return calls or just stops talking to a girl but I don't want to represent something that isn't going to happen. I just want to be as gentle as possible with her because I know how much courage and vulnerability it takes to tell someone that, and even though I don't know her that well I don't want to be insensitive. I don't know how do I break this off without being an ***hole?


Now hang on just a dang minute, people. OP is not the only one who has done something wrong here. He just met this girl last night and had sex with her? Regardless of molestation issues, this girl should not have been having sex the first night she met him in the first place. And OP should not have allowed the sex to happen. The chances of the two of them having anything meaningful was pretty much ruined by not taking some time to get to know one another. Also, there is such a thing as revealing too much info on the first date. Revealing sensitive issues such as the trauma of molestation should be reserved for someone that you have really gotten to know and have gotten close to. So yes, OP, you were in the wrong. But then again, so was she.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
May I have a profile critique, please?
Posted: 2/1/2009 10:28:37 AM

You've done an excellent job with the changes you've made. You still get your points across but in a much nicer way. Your positive attitude about the constructive criticism you received and your acceptance of the advice offered are really good indicators of your real personality, at least in my opinion. Very often, our true colors show much more in the forums than in our profiles. I must admit that my first impression of you, based on your previous profile, was quite negative. I'm pleased to say that I believe I was probably mistaken.


Thank you for your kind response. I appreciate your taking the time to respond.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
May I have a profile critique, please?
Posted: 2/1/2009 9:12:08 AM

You are very welcome, just post back here if you want one of us to actually get serious about shredding your profile for you.

Best wishes

OFMM
It's all good; just don't shred me!!! Lol.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
May I have a profile critique, please?
Posted: 2/1/2009 6:43:42 AM
Thanks so much to all of you. I appreciate the constructive criticism. I also appreciate the intelligent responses from all of you. I will continue to work on reducing some of the negative undertones and focus more on the positive. I wish each of you a lovely day.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
good bad or ugly??
Posted: 1/31/2009 4:06:01 PM

Not sure if it's something I say in my profile or if it's my status as seperated that causing me to get no replies at all. Can you guys take a look at my prolife and tell me what you think I can do to improve it?

Thanks!!!


On the other hand, Op, some women do tend to steer clear of the "separated" status. That could be a whole new thread we could start.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
good bad or ugly??
Posted: 1/31/2009 4:01:39 PM

Not sure if it's something I say in my profile or if it's my status as seperated that causing me to get no replies at all. Can you guys take a look at my prolife and tell me what you think I can do to improve it?

Thanks!!!


Hi Op. Although I am sure someone will find something wrong with your profile, I cannot find anything wrong with it. You listed your interests, what type of girl your looking for, and info about yourself. I think it is well written, Op.

Good luck,
Suzieinwv
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
May I have a profile critique, please?
Posted: 1/31/2009 3:39:33 PM
Thank you to all of you wonderful people out there who provided me with feed-back on my profile. It was almost unanimous that my profile was way too harsh, and although that was not my intent, I have made changes. I appreciate everyone's input. Can you please review again and give me your honest thoughts? Thank you.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
May I have a profile critique, please?
Posted: 1/31/2009 3:31:47 PM

So prior to the internet.. Back in the olden days... Did you perform a spelling test?
Of course sguys are proud of toys.. Some like to put up the pic.s. Back in the old days you would finish the spelling test on your first date. Then your 2nd date if he passed the spelling test, he would take you to his garage and show you his toys, probably because he didnt have a camera. Also thats why there is apples and oranges.. I hope this has helped you.


Well, untheup, any kind of constructive criticism is helpful to me. I asked for honesty, and I can take it. However, I would like to clarify a few points if I may. In regards to your thoughts about performing a spelling test, of course no one is perfect when it comes to spelling and grammar. However, I do feel more effort could be made on this subject. There are some profiles that I actually have difficulty reading and making sense of. If you were to go to a single's meet, you wouldn't go unbathed and sloppily dressed would you? Of course not. So my point is when people are presenting themselves on their profile, more effort could be made.

Regarding the men out there who proudly show pics of their "toys" on their profiles - as I said on my original profile - not a thing wrong with that. But I have actually received responses from men with pictures that only show what they own. The man won't even be in the picture. So I feel there is too much emphasis on what someone owns, and we tend to lose sight of the important things. So my point is this: My interest does not lie with a man's "toys." My interest lies within his intelligence, his honesty, and his character.

But then again, you are correct, my friend. That is why we have apples and oranges. To each his own.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
May I have a profile critique, please?
Posted: 1/31/2009 3:19:43 AM

Oh and by the way for the quotes in boxes write [ quote] (without the space) to start the quote and [ /quote] (again without the space) to end it. Be sure to put both the start and end in or it will get a bit messy.


ok, practicing. Lol.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
May I have a profile critique, please?
Posted: 1/31/2009 3:15:08 AM
Thanks everybody. I'll have to think about this to put in what I want to say with a less caustic and more positive approach. I appreciate each of your critiques.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
May I have a profile critique, please?
Posted: 1/31/2009 3:12:23 AM
Membernine, thank you so much for taking all the time you did to try to help me to improve. Although I do get tired of some of the BS on here, I would like to lose some of the sarcasm and improve my profile. Thank you again.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
May I have a profile critique, please?
Posted: 1/30/2009 4:04:19 PM
Before critiquing my profile too harshly, please know that I just decided to be honest and write about what I want. In addition, could someone out there explain to me how to enclose or quote another person's words when posting a reply in a forum? I would appreciate any help I can get. Thank you.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
I need a solution
Posted: 1/30/2009 3:27:00 PM
[Why don't you just move out if you could not care less about her......]

Because he's trying to be a decent human being.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Dating and the Chase
Posted: 1/29/2009 5:08:21 PM
But as far as I'm concerned, a quality woman doesnt settle without caution. And under no circumstances, should a woman be completely and utterly mine within a date or two. If she is willing to give me her loyalty, trust, body and mind after a cup of coffee, followed by the 'fun date'. Then I cannot help but to feel a little disapointed in that persons judgement, as it isnt somethign I could not do easily. It also reeks of needyness in my opinion.

Ottawa, I really appreciate your perspective on this subject.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Dating and the Chase
Posted: 1/29/2009 4:54:01 PM
Suzie,

Highly inappropriate question to be posing to the opposing gender... tsk tsk tsk.

It's best they remain in the dark....

Sefra, you may be right. Lol......But once and for all, I wanted to know what the male gender felt about this.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
My partner is not so attractive, but she's a great person...
Posted: 1/29/2009 4:49:51 PM
I think sometimes we can truly be in love with someone and not even realize it. Have you considered taking a breather away from each other for a few weeks to see what your real feelings are? Perhaps to see how it would feel to not have her in your life for a while? Better to find out now and come clean with your true feelings than later after alot of heart ache.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 71 (view)
 
First date rules
Posted: 1/26/2009 12:09:11 PM
Tell her you have different rules and are not looking for a threesome.
Yet, you're willing to meet her at the police station.

Cubanguy, I literally laughed out loud at this!!!
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Dating and the Chase
Posted: 1/26/2009 11:59:37 AM
This question may have already been asked on here before, but I am new to this forum. I have been receiving emails from a few authors whose expertise seem to lie with dating issues. And all of them insists that "the chase" is one of the most important elements of dating. And they are meaning that the man is the one who should be doing the chasing. I would like some input on this - particularly male input, as I honestly don't know the answer.
 suzieinwv
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first.
Posted: 1/26/2009 11:21:03 AM
I think what the OP is trying to say, or rather what I gathered, is that, there are people out there who are psychos and like to hurt people for FUN!

I agree with this statement completely. Although I've always considered myself to be relatively intelligent and used caution when dealing with people on the internet - you just never know. About a year ago, I made friends with a man on-line from another state. We talked online and on the phone daily. We exchanged dozens of photos and became very close friends. And yes, I have discovered that you can indeed form a close emotional bond with someone before you even meet them. I even became close to some of this man's family members. Long story short - I discovered to my complete horror about 8 months after we became close friends that "he" was actually a woman. All the photos that were sent to me were fake. She had about 12 different screen names and was actually portraying her own family members on-line. In other words, when I was chatting with my friend's dad or brother on-line, I was actually talking to "her" the entire time. Pretty darn creepy, wouldn't you say? And the voice on the phone that I had talked to so many times? Sounded just like a man. Yeppers, she was very, very good and was able to dupe several women on-line, including me. So yes, Cheeky, there are some people out there who are psychos and enjoy hurting others just for fun.
 
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