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 Author Thread: how to get rid of the intimate encounters from my account
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
how to get rid of the intimate encounters from my account
Posted: 4/2/2013 7:06:16 PM
One day when I was bored I opened the "intimate encounters," out of curiosity on the site, and now I don't know how to get rid of it. It blocks me from women I try to contact because of it and I don't want it. I am not interested in intimate encounters but I can't find where to delete it.



"Opened" ? What you really want to say is that you emailed 4 or more different women who are looking for an Intimate Encounter - don't think I would classify that as bored. Sorry but you can't fix it. Email only women who do not have that contact restriction on their profile.

the other
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 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
fatlistic jealousy?
Posted: 3/29/2010 10:36:14 AM
No mail order bride here folks, she was in Canada for 8years before I met her. I am sure I already said that. I also am not restricted to culture and don't think any one culture has a advantage when it comes to common decency especially not the Caucasian cultures around the world. Every country has court dockets, prisons and psychiatric wards that are full, not to mention the corner bar/club where all the finest of dating opportunities hang out. I doubt that ridiculing any one culture is a solution.
Also I did find a woman my own age, from my own culture. She was a Canadian 8 yrs before I met her. Is that Canadian enough for you? Besides I have several close friends who have actually married women who are a lot younger and wish I'd considered it because they are a lot happier than a lot of others I know who restricted themselves to their own culture and age group. The women they married are younger yes....but they also have a whole lot less misery with failed past relationships and are very loyal, devoted to their husbands. I doubt that picking a Caucasian woman who has had myriad suitors, and failed hurting relationships would increase the chances of success at all. I am not interested in being blamed for what sometimes numerous other guys did when a woman decided to enjoy time with them and found out that was all the guys wanted and when she wanted more they flew the coop leaving her with a kid in her gut to raise alone. Nope, thanks, but that wasn't my fault and I am not willing to carry the blame for it.........sigh!
As far as moving too quick............yes I suppose I did. The kid was away most of our courtship so that offered little chance to get to know him. I thought I did know her pretty good, but as the dust settles everyone changes, some change a lot. For us it seems she changed a lot. She sure isn't the same person I knew during dating. Would that qualify the suggestion to date longer? It might have been a good idea, but how long must people date to GUARANTEE they know each other and won't feel disappointment? I doubt time has anything to do with it.........people will still change after being together for awhile depending on the person regardless of how long they've dated together.
Also I never question/judge what pothers do in their faith. Beliefs in every country have bizarre behaviors and beliefs. It isn't my position to judge what/who is right. I'm only right to judge for me and whether I can accept what others offer.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 3/26/2010 6:42:57 PM
Yes she is Fillipine, but has been in Canada for eight years before I met her. She had to leave her son there for 6 yr's while she earned the money to bring him here. She holds a lot of unrealistic guilt with that.
Yes, we did enjoy a lot of social activity before we moved together, and enjoyed every minute. Now she is mostly too tired. No she is still doing the same job she always did and she loves her job.
We were together quite awhile before we moved together and enjoyed a lot of activity together besides the great sex, which now has diminished to practically nothing as well as the social time together.
One thing I learned about Fillipines is that they are taught to be "independant." To the point that even as females they withold their feelings a lot until they can't contain them anymore. That usually leads to an explosion that it makes no sense to be a participant of until they spend their feelings and are ready to be able to talk.
Mostly since talking to all you I have taken my eyes off the negatives and focussed more on the positives hoping that my encouragement will be able to change something. Eventually if nothing is going to change I have already told her I will leave rather than stay and keep both of us miserable all the time.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 73 (view)
 
What do girls mean when they say their last relationship was all about sex?
Posted: 3/26/2010 5:53:55 PM
verityone and xfile, have you ever seen a woman as anything other then something to stick yourself in for a few minutes?
I doubt there is a woman alive that doesn't want an enjoyable sex life as much as we do. Unfortunately for you many are beginning to want something beyond our basic bestial pre Neanderthal characteristics.............like maybe some sort of established mutual attraction? Or maybe something for their future beyond single motherhood?
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
What do girls mean when they say their last relationship was all about sex?
Posted: 3/26/2010 5:44:30 PM
Seems to be clear. She felt that the only value she had to the previous dates was sexual. She wants a date to notice more about her character and personality. To want to know her, her accomplishments and dreams more than just her ability to have sex with them. In short she wants to see some value of herself as a person to a date, not just as a sex object. Can u relate to that? Do you want women to just use u for finances to increase their social life and deny u anything else?
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Is low self esteem (men and women) becoming an epidemic?
Posted: 3/26/2010 5:25:42 PM
Although I assent to the concerns people have about children in this society today I have to express caution taking it to a paranoid level. If we consider the population 0f today compared to fifty years ago I doubt that the incidence of child exploitation, or abuse, or horrific crimes, have increased against the increased numbers. In fact it may well be that awareness has reduced the overall incidence.
Also we ought to remember that if the media can't find anything local to report that grabs attention that they will travel half way around the globe to report something awful and frightening to keep their audience entertained and watching their media.
This makes horrible things happening around the globe feel like they are happening right next door increasing local fears. It also tends to increase fear by making it seem the incidences are increasing as we hear about them more consistantly. The security industry has exploded as a result.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Is low self esteem (men and women) becoming an epidemic?
Posted: 3/26/2010 2:11:51 PM
It seems there are a lot of reasons for the character manifestations that you call low self esteem.
From today’s transient sexual/relationship evolution making people feel used and disposable to the accelerated life and population of today.
Technology has played a big role, and created unaffordable dependencies, in this emotional meltdown in today’s culture.
Sexuality is as public as fashion leaving people with no humility, morals, modesty, or personal attribute that is specially them and shared only with others they establish meaningful connections with.
These considerations minced with the explosion of immigrants that have flooded North America over the last thirty years have caught a lot of people off guard. It is hard to go anywhere in North America today and understand conversations going on around you. Even public places today are not allowed to feature common public traditional displays like Christmas trees in fear of offending someone from somewhere else.
The traditional values, beliefs, and customs that established our identity have been forced out of sight leaving us confused and wondering who the he-- we are. as the world powers attempt to establish a "one world community."
Along with this there is insecurity in the job place, less jobs because of diminishing foriegn markets, large corporate takeovers heavily into automization, mass advertising, fashion industry, repeated failed relationships, shared living accommodations, fractured family relationships, diminishment of spirituality, and increased imperatives to appear financially successful to be acceptable.
Everything trendy in today’s culture works to overburden people and caused them to value themselves against a manipulated perception of more successful people. Even to the point that homosexuality is made to appear success orientated.
All of these things often leave so many feeling they are at a severe disadvantage. Or it forces them to engage themselves socially in ways that only serve to bring them down and feel ashamed of who they are. Not ignoring the underground drug cutlure (organized crime, clubs etc) that draw on, and depend heavily on sexuality. (Females are most often admitted free)
I have met extremely beautiful women who believed that there was nothing attractive about themselves and would submit to pretty much anything just to prove themselves acceptable. Or enable them to support the life style they felt they needed that is not sustainable with a job that pays minimum wage.
All this is sustainable and attractive to governing power. The majority of immigrants I have met intend only to exploit the opportunities here until retirement and return to where they came from where what they have will be worth more in multiples. Thus affording them a very prestigious life in their country of origin. They have no interest, reciprocating generational investment, or loyalty in this country, and they are quickly outnumbering the native population leaving us to feel like the minority.
This has all happened so quick that it has empowered the ruling authorities and elliminated personal and social powers. So I suppose any perception of a broadcast "low self esteem," has a lot of justification as everyone struggles for identity, success, and acceptance in an inhospitable evironment that has been purposely established to sustain the economy, power, and political structures in the face of a world in chaos.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
fatlistic jealousy?
Posted: 3/26/2010 7:41:26 AM
majyk1, There was some sign that I commented on but it seemed inocuous and didn't alarm me as I thought it was just situational, which can happen to anyone at a time of clumsiness.
codenamekitty, I think you are rtighyt on every point....thanks
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
fatlistic jealousy?
Posted: 3/25/2010 11:24:16 PM
You make good sense spoken for. I also belive that anyone can change "if they want to." The relationship she and I have is great most of the time and I want to believe that these areas that are creating trouble between us can be dealt with leaving the good possibilities room to grow. You might be absolutely right and the chances my hopes will come true are somewhere between zero and non existant but only two months after we decided we wanted to be together I was diagnosed with cancer so it is too late for me to start over again so I am trying/hoping for the best.
When I was diagnosed one of my first thoughts was, "thank God I won't die alone if thats what is coming, I will at least die happy, loved, and remebered with love by a woman I love so much it's unbelievable."
Maybe that plays into what is going on now. Maybe she is feeling betrayed, angry, and her dreams crushed by that diagnoses? She said when we started our life together that it was a dream come true for her and now maybe cancer has crushed that dream? She is such a special woman that i hope that dream has not been crushed, I will live, and we will have a chance to make a long and happy life together. Our problems are not as big as the good stuff if we can just get rid of the bad stuff.
You are right about eh cultural aspect. Wrongdoing, especially if it is so hurtfull, cannot be rationalized with culture. It is true that Filipine women are affectionate to the point of distortion with their sons. They even demonstrate less interest, or no interest, in having that intimacy with their husbands while seemingly always needing some sort of physical contact with their son. I will NEVER understand it morally or culturally, nor find it acceptable in any guize. All I know is that it drives me over the edge along with the (disrespect) speaking a foriegn languae in our home cutting me out of the conversations. There is no way any of that spells "family" no matter how a person looks at it. Yet she insists that I am the only one that is bothered by it among all the guys she knows of that are married to Filipine women with children or teenaged sons. (But then again she only surrounds herself with those people who share her take on it) Personally I don't call this cultural, I call it perversion. I broke up with a woman who I cared for a lot before I met my wife because she insisted it was okay to walk around nude in front of her teenaged sons saying they'd always been like that and it means nothing to them. That woman was not Fillipine so this liberal perversion among women isn't restriced to Filipines and seems to be more common nowdays than I'd like to know about. Thank God for all the women that still love their sons in a healthy way. All of the women I've known about who do this have been women who have not been successful in previous relationships so maybe there is a transference going on? Or the son(s) represent a safe ground?
Mine said at one point that a woman never gets rid of a son, but to replace a husband is okay. I reminded her that hopefully a son is not a life partner, that he will eventually go away and develop his own life. A husband on the other hand is the partner a woman ought to be able to rely on for life. Honestly I never in life would have thought I'd end up in this type of a situation and I hate it. It does nothing but demean all of us and the human race. But then again so do a lot of other things people do to each other.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How Do People Change?
Posted: 3/25/2010 10:53:34 PM
I think that relationship doesn't mean ownership. Trust is a big part of relationship and I wonder why anyone would waste time wondering what the other is doing when they are apart. Each person has their own life as they develop a life together. This is definately inhealthy jealousy. The best thing a person can do is refuse to bite into the jealousy and be happily converaant about what happened all day while they were apart. To argue or be angry is counterproductive because the person is already jealous and possesive so being defensive only breads more suspicion toward guilt of some sort of wrongdoing. So if a person has done not wrong be happy and don't try to "fix", the situation because only the irrational jealous one can do that.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
fatlistic jealousy?
Posted: 3/25/2010 1:10:41 AM
By the way Jonejo, I am trying to learn as much as I can of Tagalow but it is hard as hell. I am able to understand a lot more but to speak it I can`t get there.
I appreciate all of u guys. Honestly I deleted the thread a few times before I left it because of embarassment and the belief that I`d only get dumb remarks and ridcule but you have all been a irreplaceable help letting me vent my frustrations without feeling like a total loser.......................Thanks again, I hope u all find what you want........
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
fatlistic jealousy?
Posted: 3/25/2010 1:00:30 AM
Yup jonejo, he is at a very confusing stage trying to figure out where his life will go, and how to get it where he wants it. As others said it isn't an easy change to have me in their life right now and must be causing a lot of struggle/confusion for himas he also deals with developing his own life not sure where it will lead. Summer is on us, I am thinking about buying a boat so we can spend some extended time together in relatively close quarters where we have to face each other straight up day after day and see how our relationships develop in a circumstance where we have to work together. Sharing the experiences along the way ought to enable us to get to know and appreciate one another a lot more too. He isn`t a bad kid, actually he`s a nice kid I could enjoy getting to know so maybe the boat idea is a good start. We could trip to the Phillipines but that is too sterile and commercial and probably wouldn`t give us the one on one time we need to learn to relate, be interdependant, and care as a family. I am hoping this is a good choice. Like I said outside these upsetting supposedly cutural traits her and I have a rrally rewarding relationship. These improprieties just really bite my moral boundaries and I can`t see myself get comfortable with it. A work mate is married to a Philliupine and told me he is real glad his wife didn`t have a son before they met or he clouldn`t accept the so called cutural affection, liberalities he sees between Philipine women and their sons. He agrees they go way past the boundaries of what we consider common decency. Way too much need for visual and physical contact that ought to be with a spouse only.
thanks again 4 all the feedback everyone, you havehelped me align my thoughts and keep a sober, rational head as I try to make this work, or not.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
fatlistic jealousy?
Posted: 3/24/2010 6:49:02 PM
You hit it pretty much right on nicecowboy. I guess the experience you had was very similar if not exactly the same. We are making headway though and I hope we can keep it all positive and we can all be happy.........thanks
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
fatlistic jealousy?
Posted: 3/24/2010 6:44:50 PM
Thanks for the feedback folks. It is all great.
I have been told that this thing is a Fillipine cultural thing. That a mom can't correct a son assertively as he is a man and a woman is not allowed to challenge a man. Far as I am concerned he is not a man and ought to be real respectful toward her for the horror she went through to give him birth.
As far as the over affectionate and liberal stuff is concerned I agree with all of u that it is so wrong it is scary, but apparently it is the way it is done in the Fillipines so I am trying to be patient and help change things without creating hell on earth. I agree that cultural or not it is way out there in the sick column of life and has to change.
I will write more later as I am rushed.........Thanks to you all, you are indeed real people.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Why do guys look and not even say hello?
Posted: 3/23/2010 4:06:28 PM
Sounds old school to me red vine80. the story hasn't changed since way before I was born. Why do young people always think they are somehow unique from other people until they get old enough to see that nothing is new after all?
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
fatlistic jealousy?
Posted: 3/22/2010 9:22:15 AM
I met a wonderful woman with a fifteen year old son and eventually we wanted to mbe together so I got a new two bedroom home, and traded in my sport vehicle for a four door.
Before me she was a single mom for 13 years and had only her son. She came to develop a relationship with him almost like he was her mate. She spent her liesure time with him, confided in him when she needed advice, and turned out that they were unusually affectionate.
When I met her she said she wanted a man who would love her and love her son. I very much looked forward to having a son his age to enjoy activities with. After we moved together I made every attempt at getting to know him, but he absolutely refused to respond. They are from abroad 8 yrs ago and speak another language. I asked her to talk to him, early in our relationship, and told her I respected their desire to speak their language but could she talk to him and ask him to speak English at home so we can all be part of what is going on? I also told her that it would encourage him to accept me, our relationship, and for us to be a family. To this day he refuses to speak English and I know him no better thsn when we got together in spite of my efforts. As a result I believe that they spoke recently and agreed that they would get rid of me and share the expenses of staying in our home together. Her and I were able to resolve the differences that were causing our relationship trouble and that thought passed for her, but I think he is really pissed as he is intent on having it back to her and him. While I am with her he misses being able to visit her while she changes, showers, or grooms in the bathroom, and she dresses in a way that she is covered now. He used to be able to be present while she dressed and give his opinion of what she wore and occassionally assist her with adjustments as a partner would. This liberalness is now not part of the relationship they have and I believe he resents me for it totally and wants to split us up.
I know she loves me as much as I love her but this is causing her immesnse emotional struggle because she obviously loves her son a great deal and has a big loyalty toward him and his happiness. I hate to see her put in the middle like this because when he isn't around we have such a great realtionship.
Has anyone ever had this kind of situation, if so how did you handle it? As much as she does I really want to save our relationship, but it is really hurting her and playing on her loyalties. As far as I am concerned he is in complete control in their relationship and she is subordinate. He completely ignores her, plays the dominant role, and does what ever he wants to in spite of her objections at times, even to the point that he tries to close the door in her face while she trys to talk to him keepin gher subordinate to him, and maybe even a little desperate thinking she is losing her son. He is very arrogant, full of himself, thinks he's Mr Sutdly, and probably homo sexually inclined. He really knows h0w two play her and I try to leave it for them to deal with and not interfear too much but the friction he causes and seeing her hurting so much is hard. What can I do, are there any suggestions. I already suggested counselling but that isn't going to happen. Thanks for helpfull responses.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Met a nice guy, he has a girfriend. Is it wrong to ask him out for coffee?
Posted: 3/21/2010 1:36:24 PM
Doesn't sound like "coffee" is what is on your mind. Do you want other women trying to entice your boyfriends, or maybe eventually husband? If this is how you are you'd deserve it!
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 173 (view)
 
getting increasingly irritable with my gf
Posted: 3/21/2010 1:30:25 PM
Maybe marriage gitters, but it sounds like you aren't comapatable. A lot of women will be happy with what you want if it's important to you don't give it up. The irritation will only grow. Marrige if you are that unhappy is a death sentance..........
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Would you marry an illegal alien?
Posted: 3/21/2010 1:25:29 PM
Nope, not unless she was from Venus...........
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Why do guys look and not even say hello?
Posted: 3/21/2010 1:17:54 PM
Can't say as I don't know you but maybe you are a little too "cheeky?"..........
Guys are like women in some ways. We know when a woman is open for attention, (or as you say for men...which ones are on the make,desperate, etc) maybe you just need to change the way you look back so you don't intimitade them, or look too standoffish? A smile works a lot better than a glare. Seems obvious that your girlfriends look a lot more approachable for some reason. Body language speaks louder than words.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Can women smell another woman on you????
Posted: 3/21/2010 1:05:55 PM
I am assuming that "smell" is used by you as metiphoricle? But unmetiphorically unless you hit the shower after being with another woman a lot of body odors are tranferred during contact depending on the amount of contact from purfumes to body fluids. Outside of that women seem to have a sense that they know if you have been fooling around. It seems they notice slight differences in you whether you are aware of them or not.
Yup, I think every guy has noticed women being attracted to a man who is in a relationship of some sort. Reasons vary from wanting what the other woman has to the old competative spirt. More than once I have found a sister, or girlfriend, of a girlfriend showing attraction even if she'd shown none at all before I started dating her.
If I ever learned anything I learned not to try to figure out women..
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Would you marry a woman because she is VERY MUCH IN LOVE with you?
Posted: 3/21/2010 12:40:18 PM
I don't think love is instant. I believe that what we interpret as "love" as we meet, get to know each other, and begin a committed relationship is a variety of atttractions that make the time we spend together enjoyable and something we look increasingly forward to.
Once we desire to be together to the point that we want to live together, whether commonlaw or marriage, and start to share the struggles and gritty things in life is when our "love" is tested and we either grow together, or grow apart.
This is why so many belive that a union either makes it or brakes it during the first three years. If it makes it it is "love" if not it was a learning experience that hopefully will enable us to eventually make that level of committment unless we assume the good old victim stance, which is counterproductive because realistically both people have made mistakes that dissappointed or hurt the other. So if a relationship fails look inside not outside for the reasons.
If we are fortunate and grow together through the changes, compromises, and more difficult challenges of being two in one life these shared experiences create a deeper bond, trust, comfort, interdependency, and oneness that culminates in the emotional attachment we call "love."
I doubt that I would want to begin a committed relationship with a woman who did not believe she was deeply in "love," as I would not if I did not believe I was deeply in "love."
It is that level of feeling of attraction that motivates and enables us to make it the rest of the way to a successful, fufilling, relationship. Without that personal conviction, and belief, that empowers us to make it we would likely be blown away when the first real challenge surfaces.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 3/15/2010 2:19:11 PM
yes she speaks english great, she has very low confidence because she insists on cocooning herself with the Fillipine community and resists exposure to english. We dated for a year and we were both clear about what we enjoyed/wanted before marriage.
For all of you that expressed interest on how this played out we are getting anlong better now. We still have a long way to go, especially with her 15yr old son, but we have made a good start.
I truly appreciated all your feedback and it did encourage me and give me thnigs to think about. Bottom line is that I got to the end of my wick and told her that if things didn't start to change real quick both her and her son could start packing. That I didn't have her in my life because I needed someone, but beacuse I love her and want her in my life but if she can't make the same effort it was over.
No, no relatives have showed up, and that is something she wouldn't want anymore than me. We both agree with helping others/relatives when they are in need in a way we can help, but not from under our own roof.
As far as her son is concerned I thought it was typical teenage rebellion when mom starts a new relationship, but he still rudely insists on talking Tagallou at home. I told her until she steps into her role in this relationship and encourages him to change and respect me so we can be a family it would be best if they don't consider me part of his existance emotionally, financially, or any other way. This includes all the plans we made for family excursions (which until he makes an effort he won't be part of), and his future. I have also told him not to expect anything until he is willing to make an effort to be a family, if not for himself for his mother. That if he sees benefit in acting totally disrespectfull he is not the kind of fellow I want to call son anyway.
Like several said, "relationship takes work," and some of that work isn't easy. But we are working and her son has much less control over her alienating himself in his room 97% of the time he is home, but knows that as soon as he is interested in making an effort he is welcome. I guess part of that "relationship work" includes tough love and setting/maintaining realistic boundaries.
The feedback I got here helped a lot so thanks folks, it is always good to know we aren't alone in stuff. Whoever it was that called me a whimp husband......thanks Being gentle and caring has its place but there are times when caring and gentle don't work. By the way loving and being open to be loved, not controlling, is risky but doesn't make a man a whimp. Control is not love, love grows in freedom.......
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 3/15/2010 1:23:55 PM
actually u r right baseballboy, I got the rgeatest loyalty and devotion from women that I ignored more than showed love to. Maybe women just need to feel a little insecure in a relationship to remain responsive?
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Would you marry a woman because she is VERY MUCH IN LOVE with you?
Posted: 3/12/2010 8:40:29 PM
Doesn't sound very fair to her. Maybe she is just his foundation, something solid in his life he can retreat to? Everyone needs some sort of security and a life of just fooling round with transitory interludes doesn't offer much security a person can feel safe with. Having her may be his security?
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 399 (view)
 
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 3/11/2010 5:11:30 PM
When it hurts your partner.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 175 (view)
 
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 3/9/2010 6:02:03 PM
sexual dissatisfaction, untrustworthy, disrespectful, lazy, hurtful toward kids.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
So....are we talking...
Posted: 7/10/2009 9:31:23 PM
aliveone1, No not a mail order bride. She was in Canada and successful for eight years before we met each other. She continues to be successful and doesn't need my help in any way to be or remain in Canada. She has accomplished all that on her own steam and I might add it wasn't easy for her to get herself and her son here because it is so ridiculously expensive. I can't imagine the money the government makes off immigration. Wow! They have made it a huge industry and when it comes right down to it the people who immigrate here are victims because of the enormous cost. Until now I never knew how scadolous our government is about this social issue.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 7/10/2009 9:27:07 PM
Thanks silken fire,
thanks for your time. Yes I continually ask her to go do things she loved socially byt she is too tired after work so we don't do anything anymore. We have talked about some stuff and I hope we have made some progress.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 7/7/2009 12:57:36 PM
thanks for the reality check ladywhofoundagentleman. (I hope you did) Glad you reminded me that this isn't synonymous to either gender. Also realize that every new relationship goes through growth cycles that are sometimes hard. Ours is complicated by the cultural and language thing, but I am hoping it isn't terminal.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 7/7/2009 12:51:43 PM
thanks Justin and radical, advise is well taken. I've already taken some steps. Am still hoping that culture and communication are the big problem here and that she isn't the ogre I am feeling like she is, but if it doesn't turn around soon I will be gone. All the responses here helped a lot...........thanks folks. Hopefully it is me and I am experiencing some sort of culture shock. No worries about her family encroaching folks, She has a big family but they are all successful. All but one sister lives here or the US. That sister doesn't want to leave the Phillipeans. I do want to make sure it has every chance though and if it is resolvable it is worth every bit of the struggle. If not there's a whole world out there and I'm starting to like the people in it more all the time.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 7/7/2009 12:43:35 PM
thanks mistery, very well received. You have good insight, thanks for sharing.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 7/7/2009 10:02:26 AM
Gladly this isn't the case for me. I know guys who have been severely burned and the Canadian government is developing interventions to prevent desperate old farts from being cleaned out like that. No, my partner is already established in Canada and a successful member of the medical field. She is self sufficiant financially and has her own investments.
Maybe I am being over sensitive after my wife died, maybe it's a bit too soon for me, I'm not sure. All I know is I love this woman and I hope it will work out. I'm being direct but avoiding aggressive and not making any altimatums. The suggestion of an annulment is good and I will consider that if things don't improve soon.
Thanks I am far from being a whimp husband, but I am trying to be a bit sensitive and work through the problems for something I think is worth it and I hope the relationship will endure. If not I am ready to move on, but not into another mistake again in this life. This is the last time I believe in happy endings. Maybe some of us are just meant to be alone.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Fellas, how would you honestly react to this?
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:57:39 AM
Being a transport driver I run into a lot of women who are flirty, sexual, and overtly friendly but I never take it too serious. They are just being friendly. Actually I don't like it much when they call me "dear" or other endearing words. When they are sexually suggestive I take it as a compliment and move on after a mutual chuckle and flirts. Not sure what is going on in your situation but a return visit would tell all. Maybe she was just horny as hell and has been without for awhile and she won't even talk to you when u return. Check it out but don't expect a lot, just roll with it and maybe you'll have a hell of a weekend if nothing else.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:39:42 AM
Also folks I don't keep anything from her, she knows I am talking here and read everything this am before she left for work. She never said anything about it. She likes me to take her to the sky train to commute to Vancouver for work. When we got there she said, "honey, you are still mad?" laughing. I said no, not mad, but hurt. She said, "honeeeey!" I will be late coming home after work because I will go to shopping." This all makes me feel totally stupid like it is me that is all wrong.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:10:03 AM
wow ready or not57, Your story really hit home. I'm sorry for what happened to you bud. Gawd I thought I'd seen it all after I finally had to divorce my first wife. She became unbelivably menevolent but that was a result of illness. This pre meditated abuse for totally selfish reasons is unbelivable. How can a woman be so evil to actually plan and deliberately orchestrate such heinous behavior on the life of a person that only loves her and wants to do right for her? I have seen some awful cold stuff, but this is bad shit. If this isn't going to work just the financial investment to start a whole new life 100% is going to be far reaching. Gawd, I even bought a new car more suitable for family life.
To the other responses all I can say is that before now the sex was unbelievable. I actually never thought such a gorgeous professional woman like her would have such amazing ability. Not to mention the social versatility and willingness to try new things. But since we have been together we haven't had one evening to sit together to talk, cuddle, watch a movie, or anything. She is just too tired after work now and spends all her time either in the bathroom grooming, in the bedroom fussing with her clothes and stuff, talking to her family on the phone in gibberish, or sleeping. She doesn't even say goodnight she just quietly goes to sleep like I am not here at all. My friends want to talk to her when they call but she usually refuses to talk to them. When she does its only for a few seconds. She says she's shy, but when she's on the phone with her friends or family she can't shut up.
Also folks I am not looking for dates here. I have no one else to talk to and remembered all of you so am venting and hoping for advise. Before I am ever with someone else I leave what I have first.
All I can say is that if this is what it seems and you guys think it is and ends it will be a frosty day in hell before I will ever trust a woman again and involve myself this deep. You are right. Us men have to quit trying to love women and enjoy a bit of what comes around goes around. Before I could never understand how men could be so cold hearted and ignorant toward their partners. Now I know what school taught them to be like they are. It seems that women are just getting back what they have given out. Why can't there be a mutual happy ending with a woman? When I met this woman I would have never believed that I'd be on here talking like this but here I am shocked and powerless again to make what is wrong right. It feels a lot like sitting watching the seemingly only real woman I ever knew pass away from cancer and knowing all I could do is try to accept the devastation because there was absolutely nothing I could do to change anything and help her. The only difference is that she would have grabbed any chance to change what was happening to her too, these ones are in charge of the devistation and seem to enjoy it and our distress.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 7/7/2009 2:41:04 AM
artemis2009, Thanks, her sisters and son, who she speaks to most, all know and prefer to speak English. She is the one less comfortable with English. Also I try to remember that cultural differences are involved too. Their beliefs and ways about relationship are way different than ours. Some better, some horrible and unacceptable by our traditional beliefs. The problem is that these differences never showed until we were completely re established and married. I also agree with you that in the functional and intimate sense there has been way too much change from what drew me to her in the first place. Up till now she almost seemed like the perfect woman. I guess I am just hoping that there will be a happy ending and I will find I have been oversensitive. I just lost an unbelievably wonderful woman to cancer in 2007 and I guess I am not ready to lose again. I do love this woman very much.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 7/7/2009 2:29:35 AM
Ya fullfig1maam, I try to talk to her but language is a problem and every time she agrees with me and I think its resolved. then she just keeps doing the same things, which totally make me feel ignored. At least she credits me with "treating her like a queen"...........sigh!
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 7/7/2009 2:24:55 AM
Sorry folks, been away for awhile. I forgot I ought to change my status.........confused and bewildered wasn't an option so I just put "married." Thanks for the heads up.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 133 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:19:02 PM
Not sure what it is for everyone but I just recently met a great woman and life was all I hoped for. Now since we are together, and committed, I spend evenings with her feeling so alone and ignored that I feel more alone than before i had someone. I suppose that could easily trigger a person to find someone to enjoy some time with.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Do all women change 100% after committment is achieved?
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:14:53 PM
As is so often the case I met a fantastic woman and life was full of love and activity. She had been single for thirteen years. Every aspect of our intimacy was above average. She was very responsive and attentative. She enjoyed our love life to the max, as I did. Life was actually a lot of fun again. Planning, buying new furniture, and moving into a new home was full of fun and activity.
Now that we are married she is too tired after work to do anything besides groom herself, eat supper, which i make, and go to sleep.
Since being together we haven't had one evening to even just sit together, talk, or watch a good movie. She always enjoyed going swimming, to the beach, a movie, or dancing after work. After the days activity the love making equaled, or surpassed. anything I ever enjoyed before.I really thought I found the love I hoped for in this life. I thought it would last for ever, but now that we are in a committed relationship she doesn't hardly have time to acknowledge me.
I don't even know whats going on in her life as all her phone conversations are in a different language. I asked her to "keep me in the loop," and help me to know her better by trying to talk in English, but she totally ignored my appeal. When she told her son about it while talking on the phone in their language they actually laughed about it. That made me feel stupid and cheap.
Am I being over sensitive or are my inner feelings right in telling me there is something seriously wrong with this situation? Could it be just a normal adjustment thing going on or do you guys think we are finished already? I love her but this is starting to hurt and I am feeling more alone than before I had someone when she is home doing her thing and I'm feeling like I don't exist. Any honest feedback would be greatly appreciated.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Why do women scratch your back and bite your lip during sex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:15:48 PM
never experienced it before but my new wife gets to a point of arousal that she seems to need to bite something. Often my lip, or grabs my hand and bites my fingers. I love it because it really expresses her heightened arousal and that turns me on more. I am glad though that she controls her bite and it doesn't hurt a lot, or draw blood. It's important to me to know my partner is enjoying the experience to the max so i am totally okay with it.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Do ANY guys make love rather than F***ing?
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:10:28 PM
sensuality, spontenaity, and good positive passion make for a good relationship. Foreplay rules but is better if its both ways. James Dobson says, "sex begins in the kitchen."
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Any tips on how to effectively control squirting?
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:06:59 PM
Love a good squirter baby, come on over.
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
sex questions... a somewhat awkward situation...
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:03:51 PM
ever hear the song that says a woman wants someone that can "take it like a man?"
 pathwalker49
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Homeless Paid $500 To Move To Suburbs for 2010
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:25:51 AM
Agree with you 100% F&S
There are myriad reasons why people become destitute and end up in bad situations. In many cases traumatic experiences they don't know how to cope with, or other horrid life experiences, coupled with acquaintances who are already in some way in the drug culture, lead an unfortunate person into drug addiction. Addiction is a horrid thing and cannot be as easily overcome as most think.
A wise man once said, "Don't judge another till you've walked a mile in their shoes." That is still good advise today.
I am glad that you are one of many who take time to reach out to the less fortunate of our society instead of just wickedly judging them and throwing them to the curb. These souls are just as valuable and precious as the ones in British heights, or in between.
Hooray for you............
 
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