|So you want a second chance?|
Posted: 3/30/2014 2:07:45 PM
|Hey man, read your advice on second chances... thought it was really good stuff. Need a bit of advice. I am a male, 23 years old, and I was with this girl for around 3 years, age 18-21.|
1st year was long distance, we met in my city, started seeing each other, and then she moved abroad. Things worked out, however, and I went to visit her over there, and then she came back. Unfortunately, I had some unresolved health problems, ie. depression and I was big pot head, and the relationship really suffered as a result. I really resonated with what you said about not being able to have someone love you if you don't love yourself, and that was my exact situation. We moved in together, things got way worse, sort of like rock bottom, where we just fought in virtually every context.
The relationship ended while I was trying to better myself, and it took me a while to accept what had happened - to allow it to end rather than fighting it. I struggled with my own anxiety at being dumped and feeling like I had lost everything important... bla bla bla... and kept calling and texting and messaging her again and again saying I love you, I'm better now etc., because I felt I shouldn't give up on "my true love." She would say things like I'm seeing other people now, I don't love you anymore, it's over, and so on so forth. She finally had enough and emailed me saying I can't send her those kind of emails anymore, and that she's with the guy she's going to marry. I reply saying only two words: sure thing - felt good about that more recently, that ended the talking and gave me space to heal.
To bring things up to date, I have moved through the hurt and can honestly say I feel like I have completed all of the 13 steps you mentioned, some in greater depth than others. Awesome! So where I need advice is in this:
She emailed me a few days ago saying: "Hello! I found an old USB of yours and it had this stuff on it, I thought you might want it back. I hope everything is going well with you!" Attached was some old resumes. Don't know what to say. Like a lot of people on here, I still really love my ex, and would love to be with this girl (in a "new" relationship - not the old one I hung on to.) I expect she might still be with the same guy, and if they're happy together, I can live with it. I love her enough to give her that freedom (same sort of thing you said). IF I EMAIL HER I Don't want to start down a path of missing her and hurting because I was hoping for something to come out of it, but on the other hand, IF I DON'T I really don't want to miss out and regret not replying or something similar later.