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 Author Thread: Why do men think it is okay to bother ladies at the gym?
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Why do men think it is okay to bother ladies at the gym?
Posted: 6/27/2012 3:12:00 PM
I think people today are way too sensitive. Men hit on women. Women hit on men. Get over it. If you feel sexually harassed because a man compliments your body, get some counciling or stay at home.

Most of the people I know who feel like the OP are the ones who complain about not being able to meet a decent mate.

Just saying.
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 191 (view)
 
Head of the household?
Posted: 2/27/2012 11:34:53 AM
I think a man should be head of household if he is able. And, that is the problem. A lot of males who want that role just aren't equipped to handle it. That's a lot of responsibility. It isn't for the weak of heart, the selfish or the foolish.

Being an adult male won't cut it. He has to be a man.
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 54 (view)
 
I need advice on what to do with a girl I'm sleeping with....which has a boyfriend?
Posted: 2/27/2012 10:59:36 AM
You broke the first rule of being the other guy. You got feelings for her. Now, you have to sacrifice all that hot sex and move on. It's the only thing you can do.

In the future, if you're going to be with a woman who has a boyfriend, check your heart at the door. She's not now, nor will she be ever, girlfriend material. Keep those types at arms length. Have your fun and move on. If you can't run with the big dogs, stay your azz on the porch.

There is one other option, you could just not get into those types of situations from the get go. So ...
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Dating Someone in a Wheelchar...
Posted: 2/24/2012 11:58:34 PM
I've been in a wheelchair for over a decade now. Let me tell you nothing, and I mean nothing, is more attractive to women than confidence. You want to find women? Then, you have to own your disability. I put it out in front on my profile. Any woman looking at my profile knows of my disability from the get go. I have no problem getting dates. I find if you don't treat being disabled like a big deal, neither will the women you date. And, if they want to know why you're in a chair on the first date, tell them you'll explain it on the second date. For now you just want to hang out and see if there's a connection. If she's interested, she'll understand and chill. And, if she's not? Next.

Being in a wheelchair is as much a part of you as your hair color or your personality. With, that in mind, would you make a big deal about your hair color? No, you wouldn't. It's part of who you are and any woman who doesn't like it can kick rocks. That's the attitude you have to have about life from the big chair. Don't hide it or act like you're ashamed of it. Just live it. Women like that.

Also, don't approach any woman like you're grateful she'll talk to you. She's nothing special until you get to know her. Just because you're on wheels doesn't mean you're giving easy rides. Unless, she's looking for an easy ride. In that case, be safe and have fun. ...lol

Don't limit yourself to online dating. Make sure you get out and meet women in everyday life. If you're at the store and you see a girl you think is hot, chat her up. Get her phone number. If you're at a bar, roll up to the hottest girl there and talk to her. Don't allow yourself to think she wouldn't be into you because you can't walk. Will she turn you down? Maybe. Or she could think your hot and want to get to know you, too.

But even if she does turn you down, how do you know it's because of your disability? You don't. Able bodied guys get turned down all of the time. Don't take it personal. She just may not like your hair color. There are always more women and you have just as much of chance as any other man. Walking or not.
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Guys would you act like this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:25:25 AM
I don't think there is anything bad about this guy like some here would suggest. I just feel the two of them aren't evenly matched in the sex drive department. Either that or he may not be very sexually attracted to her and for him, that may be fine. Some people don't think sex is an important thing. He may be one of those people. Doesn't make him a bad guy. Just not a good fit for her.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 194 (view)
 
Who You Attract vs Who You're Attracted To
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:10:13 AM
I'm attracted to very exotic looking women. Long dark hair. Olive to very dark skin. However, I find most of the women who approach me are all American blond hair, fare skinned types.

Nothing wrong with that. Just not my first choice. It's like dating Ali Larter when you're really crushing on Salma Hayek. You really can't go wrong either way and personality trumps looks. But, all things being equal, Salma's going to turn my head before Ali.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Does anyone use the art of seduction or mystery method on dates?
Posted: 9/12/2011 12:50:00 PM
I think these techniques are effective if used correctly. There was a guy I know who isn't good looking, has a very gruff manor and doesn't have money. As long as I've known him he always had very good looking girlfriends.

He would always treat women like they weren't all that. They could not get enough of him. So, I think there is some validity to what these "gurus" teach. The problem is now that it's such a fad most women can spot a pick up artist mile away.

The key is to incorporate what you learn into your personality. Always be yourself and let what you learn augment that.

I've heard them teach about "peacocking." That's where you wear something out of the ordinary that brings attention to yourself. I can tell you from personal experience that works.

I don't do it on purpose. See, I use a wheelchair. And since I've used a wheelchair there is no end to women who open up conversations with me about the wheelchair. I guess you could say I'm pea-cocking. Especially, if I go to a club. I just park next to the dance floor (I do this because I still like to dance and watch people dance) and sooner or later some girl is pulling me out to the dance floor or flat out trying to give me a lap dance. I get phone numbers offered to me. I don't even have to ask.

So, I think there is something a man can use to improve his chances with women. He just has to understand it's not a one size fits all type of thing. He should go with what works with his personality.
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Is it racism?
Posted: 4/12/2011 11:42:21 AM
Without getting too far off topic, I think it's worth noting that most of the White people commenting call it a preference, while most of the Blacks commenting here think it's racism.

I think there is a huge difference in the perception of what racism is. My mother always told me if more than two people, who don't know one another, tell you it's a problem, then it's worth reconsidering. Take from that what you will.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Is it racism?
Posted: 4/8/2011 8:53:25 PM
As an articulate, traveled, intelligent Black man I think you, and anyone else who would not date certain races, are racist. That doesn't mean you go around using the "N" word or burning crosses on minority families' lawns. Racism happens in degrees. But make no mistake about it, you are a racist.

You are making your decision based solely on a man's ethnicity. I have certain preferences when it comes to the ethnicity of the women I date. As a matter of fact there is an ethnicity that I do not find attractive at all. Not only that, but I don't like the way they (at least most of those I've encountered) carry themselves. But, am I racist? No, because there are members of that ethnic group that I do find attractive, have talked to and have dated them the same as I would if they were my "preference." I refuse to make sweeping generalizations about anyone I don't personally know. I take people as they come; one at a time.

People will say there is nothing wrong with having preferences. And they are correct. But, when those preferences exclude other human beings based on ethnicity, then you are being racist. I think those who hide behind the phrase, "my preference" aren't being honest with themselves. Some prefer blondes, blue eyes, brunettes, brown eyes, certain professions, etc ... . However, hardly anyone but the most superficial of people, would strictly adhere to those criteria for choosing a potential mate. As long as a person treats you right, why should race / color be any different? Pure and simple. Anything less is racism.

And, if you're chalking your feelings up to the treatment you've received from the black guys who've approached you, I'm not buying that either. I grew up in a majority white area. I could tell you stories about how I was mistreated. But, I did not let those experiences color (no pun intended) my dating choices.

You say your father is Black, he treats you well and you love him. Then you should know better.
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 6:37:45 PM
I'm sorry, but a lot of people here are very immature. If I've thought enough of someone to go on one date with them, then I'll give them three to five dates to see if something develops. The concept of there must be "sparks" right away is what gets most of us into trouble and others of us consistently laid without having to commit to a relationship.

When I was younger, I felt that way. But, then I met a woman who I didn't have any "sparks" with after the first couple of dates. However, we remained friends. Overtime she grew on me to a point that I could not keep my hands off of her. No one else I dated measured up to her. We were together for 12 years and had I not been so immature, we would have been married.

Same thing with my parents. My mom was not interested in my father. No way, no how. Just not her type. Too bookish (as she would say). But, he wore her down and they married. Some years after his death I asked her why she doesn't re-marry? She said because my father was the best man she'd ever met and she couldn't imagine loving someone else as much as she had loved him. He was the love of her life and that was that. Had she believed in the whole "There has to be sparks on the first date" theory, she may never have found that kind of love.

Isn't that kind of a connection worth the time it takes to let it develop? I've matured. The boy I was in my 20's is not the man I've become in my 40's. I don't need sparks out of the gate. In short; I've grown up. I suggest others do the same. Your love lives will be a lot better for it.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 104 (view)
 
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 3/19/2011 5:01:30 PM
Coming from me, this may sound a little off-putting, but it would depend on what that disability is.

I'm in a wheelchair but I'm still able to have sex. If the woman's disability prevented us from having a healthy sex life, then I could not date her. That may come off as hypocritical or selfish, but sex is a major part of most relationships.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 277 (view)
 
One w/ job, one w/ unemployment, house maintenance
Posted: 2/15/2011 4:07:10 PM


Genuinely curious Lateef, your message seems conflicted as it appears a woman should both allow and make a man be a man. She won't "let him be a man" and she's "letting him off the hook" of being a man?

And, echoing Abelian's point with my own twist: Is a man required to have mechanical ability? Wouldn't a man decide what is the measure of a man?


No conflict there. A woman allows a man to be a man by letting him do those things that he knows how to do to take care of her. The OP said he wants to do more but she wasn't sure how she felt about it.

Making a man be a man is simply insisting that he carry out his responsibilities and do what is expected of him. Or, in this case, should be expected of him.

And, if a man doesn't have mechanical ability, he has a wallet. And he should open it, if he can afford to do so, and take care of his girlfriend's home. Routine repairs are generally easy. I know, I've done them in the past. It's not that big of a deal. Should he not want to do that, he should get his own place or stop sleeping with her.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 276 (view)
 
One w/ job, one w/ unemployment, house maintenance
Posted: 2/15/2011 3:27:32 PM


So, let me see if I understand this. If I'm living in a house that a woman owns and there's something that needs repaired, say the Heater/AC, plumbing, electrical work, sheet rock work, replacing a water heater, etc., and I can do the repair, I should just do it, even if I'm the only one employed and already paying lots of the bills? If so, then by the same token, you should also agree that if YOU cannot do those repairs personally, you ought to pay 100% of the cost of having those repairs performed by someone else. Paying anything less than 100% would just be a reward for not having any mechanical aptitude.


Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. If you can do the work, do it. If you can afford to pay to have it done, pay it. That's part of the responsibility of being someone's boyfriend and living in that person's home. If a man doesn't want that responsibility then he should not live in his girlfriend's home.

There is a greater level of responsibility when you're dating the person you live with. This is why relationships are so messed up now. Both men and women expect marriage results from "booty call" standards.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 107 (view)
 
One w/ job, one w/ unemployment, house maintenance
Posted: 2/3/2011 9:51:56 PM
I think a lot of the comments here hi lite why so many women have problems finding a good man. 50/50 for the sake of being 50/50 doesn't seem to work in the long haul for most people. Of course there are exceptions to every rule. But, those exceptions don't disprove anything.

Bottom line is if you expect a man to be a man you will scare the bad ones away or attract good ones who will step up to your level. Allow a man to be a boy and you will attract everything short of what you need in your life. Sure, he'll seem great at first. But, as time goes on you'll see what you have attached your life to is a boy in a man's body. Unfortunately, by then you are in love and it will be exceedingly hard to extricate yourself from the situation.

Ladies, there is nothing wrong with letting a man be a man. You aren't losing your independence by allowing him to fix things for you or pay for things if he can afford it. Especially, if he is moving in with you. Quit letting these men off the hook. Look at it like this (and please, please don't take this the wrong way ...lol), if you were at his home and there were papers on the floor, would you walk over them or would you pick them up? I'm guessing you would pick them up. What would it say about you if didn't pick up the paper on the floor of your boyfriend's home? The very same home he lets you live in. Well, it's the same concept.

I don't think a man should be a sugar daddy or anything of the sort. But, if he lives with you, in your house, and it's an intimate personal relationship, then he should expect to do more.

I think ladies should do more also, but that's a whole other topic and I don't feel up to dodging rocks from both directions right now. ...lol

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 91 (view)
 
One w/ job, one w/ unemployment, house maintenance
Posted: 2/3/2011 3:16:02 PM


So just because we are male it falls on us to support and invest into a womans home. And yes it is an investment as she will reap the benefits if she sells it.

You can do any way you want. But I am not going there. That does not make me a bad person. Smart but not bad.


Male or female it doesn't matter. If you have skills that can help a friend who has opened his or her home to you, then you should help. Especially, if it's a man/woman relationship. Men should be men, period.

Never said you were a bad person. Don't know you. We just differ on opinion. That's all and it's not personal.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 85 (view)
 
One w/ job, one w/ unemployment, house maintenance
Posted: 2/3/2011 3:03:09 PM


So now if a man doesn't maintain a house for his g/f is is not honest?
Sexiest no a little naive yes.

I have been as honest as I can.....No way am I investing into a g/f house with no way of recouping my investment if it goes south.


Girlfriend, friend or relative. It doesn't matter. If a man is living in someone's home and he has more than a landlord/tenant relationship with that person, he should fix whatever needs fixing if he knows how or can afford to pay for it (within reason of course). Why? Because whomever he is living with was kind enough to open his or her home to him when it is apparent that he didn't have the finances or credit to get his own place.

It's not about investment. It's about doing the right thing.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 75 (view)
 
One w/ job, one w/ unemployment, house maintenance
Posted: 2/3/2011 12:08:51 PM
I have not read all of the post here, so if what I'm saying has already been said, I apologize.

Legal aspects aside. If I read your post correctly, you are also asking about the division of household chores. If he is working and paying the majority of the bills and you are unemployed, the least you can do is keep the house clean and tidy.

If he knows how to do household repairs, he should do them. If he can't, but is living there and can afford to pay for repairs, he should pay for them. A man should be a man and that means keeping the place you live well maintained. That standard should not change whether he owns the place or is just crashing. Anything else is being lazy and immature.

Anything else as far as legal rights and whatnot you should consult an attorney, not a forum.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Moving too quick?
Posted: 1/31/2011 4:33:17 PM
First of all, any woman who expects to be treated like a princess is bad news. The only female a man should ever treat like a princess is his daughter, if he has one. Maybe, she means she just wants to be treated special. There's nothing wrong with that if she's earned that privilege. Don't go out of your way for her just because you like her. Go out of your way for her only after she's shown that she's into you. If she's just texting here and there, treat her like one of the guys. If she wants to be special TO you, she should show that she is specially FOR you.

Secondly, it doesn't matter what a woman has to do, if she likes you, she will make time to see you. Even if it's only for a quick visit. Think about it; if you have a thousand and one things to do, but she called and says she wants to see you, you'd find a way to make that happen. Well, it's the same with her. If she likes you, she'll find a way to see you. Anything else is just an excuse.

You'd better off finding someone else to date. Put her in the friend category and move on. When she texts you, text her back. Don't be rude. But, treat as she wants to treated; like a friend. There are a million women out there. Find one who'd rather treat you like a king than be treated like princess.

Lateef

P.S.
You're a grown man. Act like it. Quit drinking so much that you embarrass yourself by drunk texting. It makes you look weak in her eyes. Know your limits and stay within them. You may have had shot at turning things around until you did that.
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Pretty weak ... but is this a commitment statement?
Posted: 1/31/2011 3:02:41 PM
Quit stressing and don't push. Let things happen naturally. It's only been six months.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
I am curios, if anyone who has cheated would say how it made them
Posted: 1/26/2011 8:09:10 PM
I think the old, "Once a cheater always a cheater" line comes from people who routinely pick cheaters. It's always easier to do that then to fix the reason why a person is constantly picking people who are apt to cheat.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
R.I.P Teena Marie
Posted: 12/27/2010 12:19:04 AM
A true master of the craft died today. Teena Marie could write, sing, play and produce music that could rock the dance floor or break the heart. Her voice knew no equal. I've heard her called "The Female Prince." But she wasn't that. She was her own being. She was the rhythm, the lyric, the melody, the sound and the example of what R&B should be.


Though some referred to her as a protege to Rick James, to me, she was his match. She probably taught him as much, if not more, than he taught her. Sadly, I will never know. Of all the legendary R&B, Pop and Rock stars I grew up listening to and learning from, she was one of the few I wanted to meet. Had I gotten the opportunity to do so I would have thanked her for all of the beautiful music she created. Music that not only served as a soundtrack to my early years but helped mold, not only the kind of songwriter I would become, but the songwriter I hope to be.


Thank you Teena Marie. You will be missed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7MJXRIqU7E&feature=related
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 348 (view)
 
ALONE FOR THE HOLIDAYS? how are you dealing with it?
Posted: 12/20/2010 1:09:53 PM
I do the same thing I do almost any other day; I make music.

I don't take holidays.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 379 (view)
 
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/8/2010 4:17:13 AM
Hugo (OP)

First red flag is that she lied and told you she hadn't been with any guys before. If I'm reading you right, that alone disqualifies her from being girlfriend material. She could have just said she's had other boyfriends and left it at that. But, there is nothing wrong with you asking that question ... as long as you are prepared to know the answer. If you plan on having a long term relationship with someone, the number of sexual partners a woman has had can clue you into a lot about how she views relationships and fidelity. It may not be PC to say this but past actions are good indicators of future behaviors. IE ... She's had a lot of lovers, then she does not take sex seriously. If you guys break up for a few days or weeks, there is a good chance she will have gone out and slept with other men in that short period of time. Would you be okay with that? Wouldn't you rather have a woman who takes her time between boyfriends for self reflection and then only has sex with someone she loves and plans on being with for a long period of time?

Second, 14 guys and she's 28? That means she's just about had sex with every guy she's gone out with. Not to mention, 5 of those guys were one night stands. So, basically, any guy she meets and likes, can get her into bed. There are girls you date and there are girls you make your girlfriend. Let me repeat; She is not girlfriend material. Don't get anymore caught up in her than you already are. Be honest with her and yourself, have your fun and move on. By her own actions, she's let you know that's what she's there for.

Third, it's been 2 years, you are in a monogamous relationship, both of you are STD free (get tested anyway to make sure), she's on the pill but she's still making you use a condom? I don't know her but something sounds off about that.

Last but not least, stop being so insecure. It does not matter how you compare with her other lovers. When she's with you, she's with you. Be there, in the moment, pay attention to her body and learn what turns her on so you can turn her out.Figure out how to do that and there will be no comparison. And, believe me, you will know when you reach that point with her. Hell, she might even snatch the condom off herself. ...lol

In the end your instincts are telling you right. She lies and she's easy to bang. Find someone else who is more inline with what you think a woman should be. 'Cause, from what you are writing, she definitely ain't it.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Would you get involved with this woman?
Posted: 10/18/2010 11:20:55 PM
OP, there are women that you date for a time. Then, there are women you "girlfriend/marry."

If you know what category she falls into, then you already have your answer.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Should I mention my RA???
Posted: 10/18/2010 10:52:53 PM


But when you make a statement like "I deserve someone who is physically normal," you're implying that "normal" is better. If you think you deserve more than someone like you, then why should someone "normal" date you? For you to even make that statement suggests to me that YOU think you're inferior despite whatever facade of confidence you want to present and if you do think you're inferior, then dating someone "normal" isn't going to make you feel less so. I think you truly have to believe in your own value-- and that of people similar to you-- for others to recognize value in you as well.


Once again, not trying to pick on anyone, but I just want to clear something up. A disabled person referring to someone else as "normal" has nothing to do with feeling that being normal is better. It's just calling it what it is; normal. Meaning that person has a body that works normally. The biggest component in the acceptance of one's self is being honest about one's self.

When a handicapped person states that he, or she, deserves to date someone normal they are in effect saying that they deserve the same dating choices that an able bodied person would have. If a "normal" person chooses to date another able bodied person they do so. And if that person chooses to date someone with a disability, then they have that option as well. She is simply saying that she should not be limited in her choices, "able bodied" or not.

Think of it like this; What if everyone, whether they knew you or not, made assumptions about who you should date based solely on your worst physical attribute? I think you would have issues with that.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Should I mention my RA???
Posted: 10/10/2010 4:20:53 PM
Yes, you should put that in your profile and do so boldly, loudly and with pride. Any man who can't deal isn't worth your time.


possibly with men with a similar ailment who are better equipped to relate to your situation and understand any limitations you may have.

Not trying to pick on anyone here, but that is the worst advice I've heard in a long time. That's kind of small minded and people with disabilities too often adopt this mindset and end up limiting their options in love and other parts of their lives. Why limit yourself? There are plenty of "normal" people who won't have a problem with your RA. Don't weed them out.

You don't have to prove your worth to anyone. Yeah, you have a disability. So what? Just like most people, you have a heart that can love, a mind that can think and a body that can satisfy.

I'm in a wheelchair and I have no shortage of women to date. I'm middle aged, I don't have money, I don't have a muscle bound body and I work insane hours making music that has yet to show any meaningful returns. Plus, I live in So Cal. The capitol of demand for physical perfection. I'm no ones idea of an ideal guy, but women remain interested. There is not reason why it should be any different for you (except of course, you'd want men. Not that there's anything wrong if you didn't ...lol) .

I make it known very clearly what to expect in my profile. Being in a wheelchair is as much a part of me as is my voice, my eyes or my hair. Don't ever try to hide your RA. If you treat your condition as an obstacle in dating, then so will everyone else. If you approach it as just another part of who you are, and it's a non issue, then most people will feel the same.

I've looked at your profile and you are an attractive girl. There is no reason you shouldn't have an active love life if that's what you want. Your RA doesn't have to be an hindrance. It's all up to you.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 205 (view)
 
What has gotten you concerned with JournOlism
Posted: 7/22/2010 10:54:11 PM


Hey thinking

What is our opinion of the AG refusing to prosecute the Black Panthers who stood in front of polling places, with batons in hand, talking loudly for all to hear.........

Paul K


I wish I had more time to really get into this thread. But, I just want to clear one thing up; it was the Bush administration who downgraded the charges and eventually decided not to prosecute the New Black Panther Party with anything. Obama was not President and Eric Holder had yet to be appointed.

But, the Obama administration did manage to obtained a default judgment against Samir Shabazz, a member of the New Black Panther Party carrying a nightstick outside the Philadelphia polling center on Election Day 2008. So, at this point, it would appear that more was done by Obama and Holder than what was done by the previous administration.

Also, there were no, none, zero, nada, zip or zilch complaints of voter intimidation. No one filed any complaints. To sum it up, there is no "there," there. How could the government charge anyone with voter intimidation when no voters were actually intimidated?

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Tougher Rules for the Official Guy?
Posted: 5/9/2010 12:04:49 PM
Igor,

I haven't read through the whole thread. So, if this advice has already been given, I apologize.

Anyway, tell her in no uncertain terms that if she doesn't like how you treat her, then she should find someone else. Do so calmly, but firmly and stick to it. If she calls your bluff, then move on. No regrets. She's "gaming" you anyway and you deserve better. But, I'd be willing to bet she doesn't call your bluff. And if she does, she'll more than likely come crawling back. They always do when you take away their control of the situation.

I think more than anything, she's trying to see if you can "handle" her by putting you through the emotional ringer. I would consider dumping her for that reason alone. Do you really want a woman who plays games like that by your side?

There are women you date and there are women you make your girlfriend or marry. She sounds like the dating kind. Be honest, have your fun then move on. Save the rest of that energy for someone who'll be a positive influence in your life.

Hope that helps.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Book of Eli movie questions
Posted: 5/7/2010 11:31:32 AM
I wouldn't harp on the batteries. In his thirty year journey, he could have come across repairmen men, replacement batteries, other used Ipods to exchange parts with, etc ...

Given the scenario set forth in the film, implying the movie is flawed because he has a working battery for his mp3 player, is like asking why his hair or beard isn't longer. You just assume he's come by scissors or a razor in his travels.

As far as the charging goes: we know they had working gas engines. Who's to say they didn't have gas generators or even solar to charge other, bigger batteries?

Finding those kinds of faults in a movies of that ilk totally misses the point. That's like saying a Jet Li or Jackie Chan movie doesn't make sense because it's impossible, no matter how skilled, that one man can beat up twenty guys at once. You just take it as a given that thay can kick @ss!

And like wise, we take it at face value that people in a post apocalyptic world will be able to obtain gasoline and keep a few ugly, weather beaten vehicles in working order. If a person can't get past that leap of faith he, or she, shouldn't bother seeing those kinds of films.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
sandra bullock and jesse james? huh?
Posted: 3/19/2010 1:08:15 PM
To top it all off, Michelle McGee, (the mistress) is reported to be a Nazi.

http://www.tmz.com/2010/03/19/jesse-james-sandra-bullock-michelle-mcgee-nazi-swastika-mistress-photos/#comments

Damn, Jesse. Say it ain't so. I used to like his shows.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Any Singers and or Songwriters?
Posted: 2/28/2010 6:09:41 PM


But I've been playing instruments since early childhood as well, I'm still pretty young as is and I believe if I kept at it, by this time in 10 years I would be bigger and better than I am now, However now that I'm pushing 22 I gotta decide what I want to do with life, I could go for my career in Law Enforcement and keep music as a hobby. Or I could keep at music and try and get somewhere which is hella-expensive and I wont have a set finance and could bring me down in supporting a wife and kids.

So yeah, kind of a pickle. But I will try out the Law Enforcement and stick to music on the side to see where it takes me


@AA380
NO!!! DO NOT DO THAT!!!!! Trust me, I've been there. If you treat music as a hobby, you will only have "hobby" results. If you have a fall back plan then you are planning to fall back!

Your parents, family, mentors, etc ... will tell you to build a career and work on your music later or as a hobby. THEY ARE DEAD WRONG! I can not stress that enough. They mean well but they are wrong. I think it's safe to say none of them have built a successful, life long, career in the entertainment industry. They can only tell you how have to have a successful every day life. There's nothing wrong with that. But, if you want to be a successful musician, the only rule the two have in common is hard work. Everything else doesn't apply. Think of it like this; would you listen to a waiter's advice about law enforcement? If you're smart, I don't think you would.

You are only young once. Everything else will still be there later. Give yourself a fixed period of time, say 5 years, to make a name for yourself in music. Don't get any girls pregnant and make music your top priority. Eat sleep and breathe music within that time. But, be firm about your time line. If it doesn't happen by the end of your allotted time line, go on about your life with full knowledge that you gave it your best. Trust me, there is nothing worse than reaching middle age and wishing you would have taken your music more seriously. Think about it; what do you have to lose? If you fail epically, you can always go to school, or whatever it is you want to do. But, if you make it, you are set for life and you can take care of whatever wife and kids you may acquire. And, you can do so in grand style. But, you have zero chance of making that happen if you don't put yourself out there.

1.The only thing that won't be there later is your youth. And believe me, it's easier building a music career when you're young and you're in touch with what's going on. You will never, ever be as innovative and musically relevant than you are now.

2.You will never have as much energy and drive as you do now.

3.You will never have the opportunity to singly focus on your creativity like you do now. Wife, kids, career will always take precedent over your music.

4. Any woman who does not want you because you don't have a career/money at this point in your life isn't the kind of woman you want. Trust me on this. I've had money and I've been broke. The women you meet while you're a struggling musician are the best ones in the world. I kick myself over the good girls I let get away when I was your age selling plasma for money to pay for studio time. These girls never cared about money, they would bring me food and believed in my dream. Fast forward a couple of decades and most of these women have turned into great wives and mothers who put their families/husbands first. You are a man. You have no biological clock. You can always have a wife and kids. You are better equipped at thirty to have a good marriage than you are at 22. Take advantage of that and follow your dream.

Try music first. Give it your all. Move to a location where it will be easier to get your musical career started if you have to. What ever you have to do, do it. Get it done. Everything else worth having will be there when your done. This time in your life is fleeting. Take advantage of it while you can.

Good luck.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Any Singers and or Songwriters?
Posted: 2/28/2010 3:28:22 PM
Gogetter

I'm in almost the same boat having chucked in the 9 to 5 and moved to CA back in 07 to make music.

I've found so great singers on Crag's List. Try that first. Also, once you get your songs how you want them, look into trying to get them into TV and movies. there's money to be made also.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Your dating theme song?
Posted: 1/14/2010 3:18:54 PM
This is a very cool thread.

"Get It Up" - The Time

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 54 (view)
 
This girl realy has me stumped... any input ladies? Guys too..
Posted: 1/11/2010 12:44:20 AM
Wait. ... You drive two hours to see her, you have sex with her and she acts like that? Chalk this one up to experience and move on. Her actions speak volumes about her character or lack thereof. If you're having this much difficulty in the begging, it's only going to get worse from here. No woman is worth that kind of hassle.

Run, Luke! Run!

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 67 (view)
 
45+ year old female virgins
Posted: 1/8/2010 1:57:23 AM
It is possible. I have a friend who is 38 and still a virgin. She was part of a religion that was very, very strict. She is no longer part of that religion but wants to hold on to her virginity until she gets married.

She is very normal and very attractive. Very easy to get along with albeit a little too trusting due to the closed social circle she was a part of. But, she is learning. Other than that, she is perfectly normal and fun to be around. She doesn't have any particular hang ups or oddities. She just believes in holding out until she gets married. I encourage her to do so.

The man that ends up with her will be lucky and from what I could tell, very happy.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 112 (view)
 
Who's the Boss?
Posted: 12/22/2009 4:58:41 PM


... I'm wanting to understand your reasoning behind what you say.


Because, it's what I've seen work throughout my lifetime. All of the relationships that last "till death due us part," have been the ones where the man was boss. Not a tyrant, but a good, loving, thoughtful leader of his family. 50/50 seems to have a 50/50 chance of divorce. Again, this is what I've seen. You may have seen something else. Until I see this change, I'll go with what I know.

Sure, there are exceptions to every rule. But, I haven't seen a successful marriage where a woman was the head of the household. That doesn't mean a woman can't lead a family when she has to. Tons of single women raise children and provide good lives for their families everyday. And, they have done so without men. They've had to. But in terms of "forever" marriages, this is what I've seen; The man being a real man and the woman loving that about him.

Here is an example of what I'm talking about; There is a major decision to be made. The couple sits down and goes over their options. Both voice their concerns. The man listens to his wife/girlfriend and takes her words into account because he knows she is smart, strong and wise too. She may see things he doesn't and he relies on her abilities just as he does his own. Maybe they see things the same way. But if they don't and a stalemate must be broken, the man has the final say. Not just because he said so but because his wife/girlfriend believes and trusts in him. The man is able to be the boss because the woman trusts him to be. Being led doesn't have to mean being bossed around or oppressed.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 109 (view)
 
Who's the Boss?
Posted: 12/22/2009 3:38:31 PM
I'm always the boss. I don't try to be. It just ends up being that way. I feel if you have to tell your SO you're the boss, then you really aren't. It should happen naturally. If a woman sees that you are the type of man she can believe in, she'll have no problem letting you run the show. I believe a man should be a man and lead his family. That doesn't mean being a tyrant, barking orders and treating your family/wife like servants.

It means taking care of and providing for them. Listening to your wife/girlfriend's needs and finding ways to meet those needs when possible. A good boss will take into account his woman's strengths and not let his ego get in the way. But, yes, that means having the final say in the marriage/ relationship. I think a man should provide the framework and direction for a relationship.

In reality, not every man can be the head of the household. It's just not in them. They are not smart enough, respectable enough, brave enough, wise enough, etc ... In those cases, it would be best for the woman to take on more of a leadership role.

A man should only be the "boss" if he can be trusted to do so. Unfortunately, in this day and age, many men have no idea how to be that kind of man and many women have no idea how to recognize that kind of guy or appreciate the benefits of having him in their lives.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 135 (view)
 
Gay Rights
Posted: 12/19/2009 10:20:57 PM


I will also add, that there are groups/organizations, such as the ACLU who have waged a protracted war against anything, and everything called Christian.

Okay, I have to jump in and clear some thing up here. This seems to be a widely held misconception among conservative Christians. Here are the facts;

2001, the group interceded with a school district in Michigan that had deleted a high school senior's yearbook entry because she included a Bible verse

In 2002, the ACLU filed a brief on behalf of a pastor associated with Operation Rescue who was prevented from participating in a parade because his pro-life poster showed a photograph of an aborted baby.

2006, the organization joined a lawsuit on behalf of a New Jersey second-grader who was not allowed to sing "Awesome God" in a school talent show.

2009. The organization is filing a lawsuit to support Christian students in the Alachua County School District who wore t-shirts with designs praising Christianity on the

There are more, lots more, and they are easily found by just Googling , " ACLU defends Christianity."

The UCLA defends Constitutional rights regardless of where they fall on the religious scale. Part of being a good Christian is knowing, and standing for, the truth no matter where it takes you. And, realizing that conservative rhetoric doesn't always equal Christian truth.

Most of us non- Catholic Christians are taught that because Jesus forgives all sins equally, that all sins are, in fact, equal. With that in mind, Jesus spoke out against greed. I wonder if some of my Conservative Christian brothers and sisters are on other threads railing against the evils of greed like they do the ones about homosexuality. Especially considering Jesus never mentioned homosexuality, but made it a point to speak about greed.

Lastly, in the eyes of our lord, heterosexual fornication is just as big a sin as homosexuality. Where is the conservative christian outrage for that? Are you quoting scripture in the tons of threads extolling the virtues of premarital sex?

The conservative church tells us homosexuality should be our main focus. Jesus says we should concentrate on helping the poor and living our individual lives as Christ-like as humanly possible. Do you side with the conservative church or with Christ?

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Broke it off b/c she wants to work at hooters or waitress at strip club?
Posted: 12/19/2009 8:18:43 PM
OP,

You did nothing wrong. It's not about insecurity or any of that. You have a very conservative moral compass and you'd like the woman you're with to share those same values. You have the right to be judgmental about the people you are in a relationship with. Why? Because if your morals and values aren't the same the relationship is doomed anyways.

Those of us who have very liberal morals and values get mad when we are judged for our lifestyle choices. We should make sure we don't do the same things.

A lot of people would have tried to change her mind or control her behavior. You, on the other hand, were smart enough to know better. Had you went against your values, you would have acted out in other ways. And, had she conformed to your wishes, she would have grown to resent you and think of you as controlling. Either way, you loose. I think you made a very wise, reasoned and mature choice. Good on you.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 57 (view)
 
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/17/2009 9:05:47 PM
I believe, what this really comes down to is, what does the OP think is c0cky? There are three sides to his story:

1. Maybe, these guys really are a$$holes?
- She may be going through a bad streak of guys. Guys in that age group are like that.

2. Maybe, the OP mistakes confidence for c0ckiness?
- She may be use to guys putting her on a pedestal. And, when they stop doing that, she gives them the boot.
or,

3. Maybe, the OP is attracted to weaker willed men?
- She may be genuinely attracted to men with less will power than her. When the newness of the relationship wears off and the guy begins to just be "himself" and starts to lead, she may become turned off. Some women like men who follow. She may be that kind of girl. It's not a bad thing. It's not a good thing. It just may be how it is.

I think it's more about perception than anything else. I will say this; if it keeps happening over and over again, there is more to her situation than what is known here.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Is different taste in music enough for you to kill the second date?
Posted: 12/14/2009 3:56:32 PM
Wow. ... Seriously? ...lol Some of you guys are whacked in the head.

I write music. That's my job and I'm very passionate about music in general. But there is no way I'm going to not date someone because of their musical taste or lack thereof. I don't care if they don't like music at all. As a matter of fact, I don't even care she doesn't like MY MUSIC! As long as we like each other, I'm good. I'm sorry, but I'm just not that ... surface.

Let's see:
Good person: check
Responsible: check
Smart: check
Self aware and spiritually grounded: check
Sexy: check
We want the same things out of life: check

Everything else just should not be that big of an issue to any mature, thinking, reasonable adult.

Music is a huge part of my life. Not only do I hear music in my head all of the time ( say what you want, it's a lot better than hearing voices) and when I close my eyes, and music is playing, I can "see" the notes as colors. With that said, the only problem I'd have is if she had no tolerance for the music I like. But, I won't deal with that level of close mindedness about most things anyway. Sure, she can tease me about what I listen to and I'm sure as hell going to do the same. But, as long as we can agree to disagree, I'm cool.

On another note; those of you who are dissing Country music are missing out on some of the greatest lyrics ever written.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Where can I get some good Bar b que?
Posted: 12/10/2009 12:07:15 AM
I ended up at Lucille's in Ontario this past weekend. Not bad ... not bad at all.

I'll be checking out some of the other places you guys have suggested.

Thanks and keep 'em coming!

@Paul K,

Thanks, man. When things slow down here, I might just take you up on that. Is your place wheelchair accessible?

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Friend or Boyfriend?
Posted: 12/8/2009 7:45:24 PM
Touch her here and there during your dates with her. Nothing perverted or anything like that. Just casual contact. If you're walking and you see something you want to check out, grab her hand and say, "Come look at this." Then, let her hand drop. When you open a door for her, gently guide her through it by placing your hand on the small of her back. But, don't push her. Merely direct her. Take innocent things she says and turn them into something tastefully inappropriate.

When she tells you her problems, tell her one of your own then say, "Enough with the sad stories, let's do something fun." She'll say, "Like what?" Now, the ball is back in your court and you can do whatever. I'll usually, go for the kiss at that point. Nothing big or sloppy. Just a quick peck to see where her head is. If she's receptive, go to the next level and make it a real kiss. If she doesn't go for it, continue to talk and hang out. But, under no circumstances do you allow her to return to her problems.

Lastly, if you haven't done so already, always go for the kiss at the end of the date. Don't be over bearing about it. Keep it cool and casual. She may not kiss you back. However, she will know you're not her buddy.

Samson
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 1:28:35 PM


We're all savages lol. The only difference between the monkeys and us is that we dress better.


Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I don't throw poop either.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/5/2009 11:38:49 PM
OP,

Dump him. He is the worst kind of racist; one that doesn't like himself. He is insecure so he has to tear down other races to prop up his low self esteem. He doesn't think he's racist because he dates women of other races. He probably also feels like he is doing you a favor by dating you. After all, he is a "White Man." And, you are raising your lot in life by being with him! ...lol

I once dated a white girl who did not like black women. She always had something negative to say about them. Especially if they were dark. One day she said, "You should be grateful to be with a blond haired, blue eyed woman instead of some kinky haired, ordinary ghetto girl." Yes, she said just that. I never saw her or returned her calls after that night. You'd think she would have caught the hint after I left her at the bar ... to find her own way home. ...lol

Point is, leave him alone. A person can still be racist and date outside of his or race. He seems to be one such person.

Lastly, never confuse a good education with an honest heart or an open mind.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Too small for a condom !?! Then What???
Posted: 11/18/2009 4:45:58 PM
After reading the responses on this thread, I will never feel bad about dropping a girl for not meeting my physical requirements again. ...lol

No, I'm just kidding. But some of you guys are brutal. ...lol

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Is the number of acceptable places to approach women offline shrinking?
Posted: 11/17/2009 2:37:18 PM
I've noticed this, too. But, I just don't care. I'll approach a woman I find attractive anywhere, anytime, and anyplace (except funerals and things like that ...lol). If she's so uptight that she gets offended, that's her problem. Not mine.

My ex would get guys hitting on her all of time. And she would always get offended because a man would talk to her and try to get her number. One day I reminded her that I was one of those guys, who started talking to her out of the blue, with a clear goal of obtaining her phone number. What was her reply? "Yeah, but I thought you were cute."

Moral of the story; it's okay to approach any woman, anywhere, if she thinks you're attractive. If she doesn't then you are being a pathetic tool who should never have bothered her. ...lol Give me a break.

Bottom line is if you see someone you like, you talk to her. Be casual about it. Keep things lite and when the conversation starts to wind down, you ask if you could call her. Sure, you'll get shot down at times. Hell, you may get shot down most of the time. But, to paraphrase that Doritos ad from a few years back, "Ask out as many girls as you want. There will always be more."

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Emails with EX
Posted: 11/16/2009 10:24:33 PM
Being on friendly terms with an ex is one thing. Nothing wrong with that. But communicating two or three times a day? Not good. Not good at all.

Dump her. If she's not messing around with him now, she will be soon. Either that or she's very immature, does not respect you, has issues setting boundaries or all of the above.

Trust me on this. She's not a teenager. This is how fickle girls act. And, women who behave in this manner should be avoided like H1N1.

You have been warned.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
MATCH.com V p.o.f
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:40:36 PM


Lateef.... what site you are on means nothing. I was on Match... got sick of their exhorbitant fees and decided to come on here. I am the same person. And I noticed a lot of the same guys on there were on here anyway.

Point is... for a guy... why pay for rejection when you can get it here for free? LOL.


@tuffluv1984

Whether here or on Match, my rate of rejection is about the same. And, I do alright. It's just the women I meet here seem to be more of the "girls you date" type. Whereas, the women I meet on Match are more of the "girlfriend" material type.

Like I said, it may be just me and what I attract. Also, it may be different for you.

@PRETTYANDUNIQUE
Exactly! If a girl is still into partying, but I'm looking for something more serious, then all we can do is date. I'm not going to waste her time and mine trying to squeeze orange juice out of a an apple. She and I can be friends and hang out from time to time, but she's not what I want for something serious.

Lateef
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Where can I get some good Bar b que?
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:29:40 PM
@JackDiamond
Jack, hows it going? Good to see you are still here giving us liberals hell. ...lol You too Matchlite. Both of you guys keep me on my toes. I'm doing well. I'll be doing a lot better once I get a nice, juicy, dripping with bar b que sauce, chicken leg in my mouth. ...lol

@Natasha Fatale
Detroit isn't that bad. I lived in that area most of my life and it's no worse than any large city. It has it's good places and it's not so good ones. But, for the taste of some good 'ole soul food style que, I'll brave the "hood" any day. ...lol

@everyone else
Thanks for all the recommendations. I'll be checking them out. My taste buds and stomach send their thanks also. ...lol

Lateef
 
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