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 Author Thread: my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 116 (view)
 
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:23:00 AM
I an in a similar situation, & I'll explain why I am still on (hopefully that will help you to see what may be in his mind). My 'Friend' is also still on here. When I asked whether I would be better able to contact her thru her personal email, she said that she splits checking personal email & email here. She is here apparently for similar reasons as me. When a woman contacts me or I contact her, I am upfront about my relationship so she doesn't get the idea that I am still looking to date. I have been here to 'welcome' people who are new to my city, to POF, offer any suggestions and help, to act as a sounding board & offer counsel if desired. I also have some relationships where we do virtually little mre than small talk & wish each other a good weekend/holiday. Being here has been quite helpful to me as it has help me with my shyness. I have started a long time ago, & feel more at ease doing it, just dropping an 'out-of-the-blue' compliment to a particular woman. WHo knows what kind of a day that person has had. Maybe a single compliment could raise their spirits for the rest of the day. I have had 'random' compliments 'rescue' the remainder of the day from a bad mood that I had from work. I have on my 'favorites' list people who I have had conversations with (& still have occasional conversations) as well as people who I want to get to know, but for some reason don't have time at the moment, but want to e able to find them again when I have more time (I had 'lost' one person who I hadn't put on 'Favorites' & it took me 2 1/2 weeks to 'find' her just so I could drop her a line). Instead of putting an 'Update' on my profile, I just revise it to reflect my current situation. The reason I have not changed my status to 'Friends' is that so many seeking 'Friends' that I have seen, it seems to be synonymous with 'friends...with benefits.' That is not an idea I want to covey.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Would you forgive or breakup with your mate if they party while you cope with a sick parent alone?
Posted: 9/1/2008 9:03:37 PM
Move on. That woman does not care for you as a whole person, she only care for you when you are partying with her. She does not empathize with your emotions, she is not supportive of you, she is not only disrespective of your mother and thus your family, but that is because she doesn't care about them. I wouldn't want any women who is that shallow and calloused in any part of my life.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
16 years gap
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:56:25 PM
I hope you are catching one common thing is most of the 'Age doesn't matter' advice. That is one's 'ex', a former spouse (a failed marriage) ... is much older/younger. I 'used to... (past practice) date a younger/older person or that they 'know someone who is married' to someone that is much older/younger. Does age matter? Yes and no. Yes, because when you are 35 & might want children, he will be 51 & most likely not want to start a brand new family (what a 65 year old 'dad' tossing the football around with junior in the back yard-when is he going to take a wheezing break)? And 'No.' Emotional maturities can be arguments for the emotional equality of chronological disparities, however I know some 17 year old boys who are more emotionally than some 25 year old guys! (as well as 20 years women who are also more mature emotionally than women 10 years older than them). Age differences can be a potential source of problems or not. It is up to the couple themself to discuss such matters and deal with it themselves.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Guys Help Me Understand The I Just Want to be Friends, But...
Posted: 8/27/2008 9:43:28 PM
It sounds like he wants to keep you strung on the line in case his wondering eye (or hands) don't have any luck with finding any other women. Obviously, his behavior in the watering hole, indicates that he certainly doesn't have any qualms about feeling up a strange woman (or so he thinks). He is so busted. I want to know how you reacted to this.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Checking Your Cellphone on the Date
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:29:55 AM
Gingerlynn,
I heartedly agree. Some people have become so addicted to their cells, that they have forgotten (or not cared in the first place) about manners & being downright rude to others in public. Anytime I am with a person I have my phone either on vibrate or just let the voicemail take the message (I think some people have forgotten about this nifty feature). I am there with that person. Would I interupt a one on one conversation to start another conversation with a completely different person & keep it up for X number of minutes? No, that is extremely rude. That is what cell phone calls on a date are. If I am expecting an important call, I 1) tell my date & 2) then have it on vibrate and 3) tell my date that the expected call is here & excuse myself.
Laptops are the same way. Some people have become addicted to instant commection, they have become lost to the concept of being away from it all. We are losing the distinction between 'work' and 'vacation' when we try to justify the reason why we 'need' to bring a cell phone on vacation with us (& we end up doing business on it). Of course there are those people who have jobs that require this kind of being available 24/7, but thay does not apply to all of those who suffer from this addiction.
I tried to convince my sister to NOT take her business laptop with her on a vacation, but she couldn't imagine it. She wanted to be able to do business work if there was a traffic jam- how often do they have a traffic jam in Bellaire, Mi !? Neil Postman's book, Technopoly is a good read in this regard. Once technology was to serve us & make things in live easier, but now we sometimes are enslaved to technology.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 8/16/2008 6:16:45 PM
That is just what happened to me too! Except the male 'friend' she spoke occasionally about, turned out to be her husband (I was wondering why she didn't want me to help her do certain things).
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 8/16/2008 6:05:18 PM
I can really relate to this one. The first woman I met here on POF and I really hit it off quite well-or so I thought (turned out she had a problem with honesty). Our first face-to-face meeting went well & we spoke of a second. Things were clicking well enough that I even started up an account on Myspace & she put me in her account as a 'Friend.' Before that second time I bumped into her unexpectedly outside what turned out to be her apartment complex. We had a good chat, about 45 minutes & I left. By the time I got home, I had an email from her waiting for me. Not only was she not honest about her marital status (I don't date married women, no matter how 'open' the marriage may be), but she gave me her honest impression of me (now she learns what honesty means) & paints the impression of some psychotic, deranged stalker who is on the verge of a blow up (I have NO idea where she would have gotten such an idea). Not only did she break off any relationship before it even had time to really begin, but she then comes onto a POF & writes a hate forum regarding me. She then not only closes her POF account & disconnects her phone, but sends he a similar 'dear John' email to my Myspace page & deletes me as a friend. My sin: I believed her when she said that she valued honesty (another apparent lie). I can relate to this. Some people can be so cold & cowardly.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Your thoughts on guys being virgins...
Posted: 8/4/2008 8:48:36 AM
Shadowofenigma, I like your view on this. I wish more women shared your positive view than seeing a guy who waits until marriage, as an oddball or freak.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Your thoughts on guys being virgins...
Posted: 8/3/2008 10:20:07 AM
Why would you "feel 100% comfortable dating a guy if he were" a virgin, does that make him less stable, or less of a man or unbalanced? How many women should he have been with to make you feel more comfortable? 3,5,10, 20, etc.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
So he shows me his sniper rifle in the truck of his mercedes?
Posted: 8/3/2008 10:15:43 AM
goodtngirl, run as fast as you can! Just get away. But if he has a gun, make sure you don't run in a straight line, zig zag. It sounds like with this guy, you can't know what is going on. Get away as fast as you can. All of my first days have been meeting at a neutral place (even one who we met at a 'nearby' ice cream stand. That way if he ever turns out creepy like this one, at least he (or she) doesn't know where yo live. After all how this date went he tries to cop a feel...jeesh, that is the kind of jerk that gives the rest of us a bad reputation. Sorry, you had to go thru that. But did he at least buy your salad? Happy birthday in spite of that.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Has someone ever been blocked by someone they have never messaged?
Posted: 7/31/2008 4:00:27 PM
Yes, I've gotten that message. Go to their profile & check the criteria they've set for the people they are willing to accept. POF is not very sensitive in its message that you've violated one or more of the pre-set criteria. For me, it's usually age or distance.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 103 (view)
 
Mistakes evolutionists make.
Posted: 7/28/2008 6:00:25 PM
It is interesting that one is put up to test by science that the Judeo-Christian God truly exists. The Humanist Manifesto II was correct that if this were possible, that He (God) would cease to be supernatural & be nothing more than a natural phenomenon. What I want to know is 'what scientific evidence, fact or study is the notion that something has to be scientifically proveable in order to be true' based upon? None??? Well then...
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 102 (view)
 
Mistakes evolutionists make.
Posted: 7/28/2008 5:54:56 PM
Ken, Rather than going to science to battle science, the non-evolutionist's argument is either that 1) so-called macro-evolution (transition between different species rather than just changes within a given species) is a conclusion based upon poor science; or 2) a non-scientific presumption that seeks pseudo-scientific evidences to back it up. While many people on both sides of the fence line up & throw around science on #1, regarding #2, one only has to ask the question what is & where did the initial mater/energy come from? Science cannot legetimately address untestable territory. Science cannot state that anything is infinite since science has not been able to test anything to be infinite (as science cannot only test finite items). The postulation into infinity is essentially a 'giving up' on additional testing. Infinity exceeds the boundaries that science can only go to. All that is left is for the science to make a metaphysical 'guess based upon the finite and limited studies he or she is able to observe. It is Anethema in scientific circles to humbly admit, "We don't know." It is preferable to make up a reasonably sounding story of B.S. in order that the common person thinks that science has the answers to the problems of the world.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
How do I get a response to emails?
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:42:42 AM
I totally agree, bob. And if they try to send a new post before having responded to a previous one, maybe have a slight electric shock come from the keyboard to 'remind' them-hehehe (sadistic tone).
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
How do I get a response to emails?
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:39:45 AM
Then it's not just me? I have sent introductory emails to various women whose profile I found interesting and thought something might work, only to get no response, not even a simple 'Hi, sorry I'm not interested.' Sometimes I do this because I have no idea what kind of day they may have had and sometimes even just a little unexpected compliment (When I glanced thru some profiles, your eyes are so beautiful that I stopped me right away') can be all it'd take to lift a person's spirits for the rest of the day. I have had some very brief and direct email responses that are appreciative of the compliment, but also let me no that there is no chance of a relationship. These are much preferable to being ignored. And the excuse of 'maybe they had x number of emails' doesn't fly either. I always answer my emails no matter how long it takes me. The other person expended time & effort to write me (it doesn't matter how much), so out of simply being polite I should respond- just maybe put as much effort into it as that person did.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Good Bye POF
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:57:30 PM
Why do I feel like I have to apologize for the messes that a lot of jerks have left?
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 86 (view)
 
What happened to Morals, and true unconditonal love?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:54:36 PM
Neednoshit, it always breaks my heart when I hear of how a man walks over and mistreats a woman. I wonder why he even bothered to take up with her in the first place. It wouldv'e been better for her if he hadn't even come around, at least she could've gone on with her life & not have to deal with any of the crap that he put her thru. I'm so sorry that you had to go thru that. I hope the next man (and I mean a 'man', not just a 'guy') who is honored to enter your life treats you with the love and respect that you deserve.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Good Bye POF
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:56:38 PM
I'm sorry you feel that way. I know there are bound to be some jerks here who would rather get into your pants that into your heart, but you will find that not only on other dating sites, but in bars, community 'mixers', and other real life gatherings. That is the nature of relationships with the opposite sex (regardless which sex that may be). That is why Dr. Laura Slesinger says that all males are born guys, but only some mature to become men. I wish that I could convince you how wrong you are, but I realize you must have had some very hurtful experiences to bring you to this 'conclusion', all I can do is say that I am sorry that you had to put up with those jerks who give the rest of us a bad name.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 95 (view)
 
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:33:14 PM
Years ago, I was told that I should treat a woman I date the same way that I would want a 'date' to treat my sister. This bit of advice may sound trite and simplistic, but it has worked for me & one thing I know any of my former girlfriends must admit is that I never tried to force them to do anything that they did not want.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 85 (view)
 
What happened to Morals, and true unconditonal love?
Posted: 7/19/2008 8:50:37 PM
The squewed way you crouch this, yes, love would seem to be conditional and there would e no such thing as unconditional love. But if you set it up in a more natural way (I understand that you would say this if you've only experienced conditional are partial 'love').

Think about it:
you love someone and they love you back. Statement.
you love someone and they don't hurt you. Statement.
you love someone who makes you feel good. Statement.

Now, regarding your 1st original statement, your 'love' for them is conditioned on whether they love you back. Conditional.
#2 You 'love' somebody because they don't hurt you (but that can be said about a fencepost too can't it?). Conditional.
#3 You 'love' somebody because they make you feel good (does that mean your love for another person is on the same level as your love for money, alcohol, sex and a nice car? I hope you work more on what love really means.
I have had girlfriends who have left when things got rough, but I have had 2 very good friends who I have been honored to have in my life. They loved me back when I was not loving toward them. They loved me, and risked my anger when telling the truth would anger me (it hurt at the time being, but it was best in the long run), and their love made me feel good even now that I am 2400 miles away from them another.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
How serious are women about age preferences on profiles?
Posted: 7/19/2008 6:41:03 PM
Sometimes you never know how things may turn out with someone outside of a somewhat narrow age range. I'm 47 and a woman from POF who is 29 contacted me & we (seemed to) hit it off (email & phone). After our second meeting, she sent me a rather hysterical/frantic email- it seems she had not been as honest with me as she led on that she was- like about her marital status? 'Not quite' divorced means, 'still married' in my book. And that is not a line I normally cross.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
IS THE FDA a BUNCH OF BS ??
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:57:54 PM
Add to your list
http://www.lef.org/magazine/mag2008/apr2008_Tryptophan-The-FDA-Cruel-Hoax.htm

http://www.whale.to/a/manders.html

Dr. Michael Colgan wrote extensively about the impending FDA ban before it in$tituted.

Isn't it interesting that after tainted Tryptophan is discovered in one isolated lot in one isolated factory in Japan, that used one isolated cleaning supply of which it changed to another immediately, thus rectifying the problem, after the FDA hysterically bans Tryptophan from the U.S. Public, four days later, the wonders of Prozac which mymics many of the same benefits, was introduced to the U.S. public. Why? As a naturally ocurring food substance, the FDA was not able to cash in-err I mean 'regulate' it, but as Prozac is prescriptive, they are. Why the emphasis upon regulation? You are able to give permi$$ion to specific drug comapnie$.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
I need diet and exercise suggestions.
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:26:06 PM
Donna, Let me say that I admire your desire to stay in shape despite all of the stresses in your life. Congrats on the weight loss, that is a tremendous achievement & you should be proud of it. Regarding the exercise part of your question, I would say to try a full-body work out once a week. If you do 2 sets per bodypart (following 1 'warm up' set for that body part, a full-body workout should take o more than a 45 minutes-an hour. I would emphasize cardio to help keep the weight off. You can do this for as many times as you can find time for. If you need, you can do cardio for 30 minutes sessions. If you find this not to take to much time, you may want to divide your 'whole-body' workout out into 'Push' (Pushing muscles) and 'Pull' (Pulling muscles) while keeping each workout at the previous 45-60 minute duration. This will allow you to work each bodypart once a week (many people underestimate the necessity of muscular recovery), but each workout may include 2 exercises per bodypart, each being for 2 sets. It sounds like you have a good handle on the nutrition part of the equation. Don't be discouraged if you don't see as much fat loss from certain areas as you'd like to see, bodyfat redistributes itself every few days, so its illusive, but as you burn bodyfat from all around, that specific fat will find its days limited. Good luck & remember, the key is consistency. If you ever fall off the eating/exercise plan, don't get discouraged, just get back up & on with it.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Grandma, show us your new tattoo!
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:46:07 PM
I have worked in a nursing home for ver 10 years and the tats which look good at 20, look ok at 40 can leave a rather unpleasant visual impression on nursing home staff when they have to care of an 85 year old whose body sports several tats which, by now, are faded and drawn out (& down) by age and gravity.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Am I too intolerant? (BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM)
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:34:46 PM
Sounds like MSSquirrly is trying to justify herself here.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Am I too intolerant? (BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM)
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:32:35 PM
I had that exact thing happen to me several years ago. I was sitting at a light & a BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM was sitting next to me, when the light turned green and both of us left, I could not hear that there was an ambulance coming up behind me in the lane I was turning into (it was obstructed by a tall truck, but I was unable to even hear the siren thanks to Ba-Boom, Ba-Boom. Here in Michigan, it is illegal not to pull over for an emergency vehicle. Ba-Boom, Ba-Boom isn't only a jerk & a safety hazard, but also a criminal ( and I don't care what kind of music is on).
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Am I too intolerant? (BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM)
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:25:24 PM
regardless of style preferences, I don't think the question here has anything to do with expecting you to listen to what another person likes, but if another person forcing you to listen to their particular type of music. That is not only disrespectful, but also being a bully. Isn't the general (non physical) definition of rape the uninvited forcing of oneself onto another? Couldn't that apply loosely here also? Some people like to try and force their music onto others especially if it interferes & gets that person (victim) to dwelling mentally on the intrustion well after the light has turned green. In that way, the bully has won their own little 'victory' and 15 minutes of fame if they can rob you of something you cannot replace- your time.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 107 (view)
 
Are there any men that go to church anymore?
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:29:53 PM
Sounds to me like somebody is a little bitter. Nice that you can be so judgemental & self-righteous yourself, all that was asked was a simple question. If you don't have anything other than bitter, judgemental criticism of every single person who goes to church (which you cannot legetimately make as you do not know every single churchgoer-and just because a person goes to church does not make him or her a believer anyway) since that is a universal affirmative assertion ("All X are Y"), you are incorrect andvoicing out of mere prejudice.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 134 (view)
 
Plentyoffish Music.
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:03:02 PM
I don't know if this question has been covered, if it has I haven't found it, but is it possible to embed both an audio and an unrelated video to the same profile? The only way I had found entails deleting the previous embedded file.

Roger
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Guys, Do you really want us to be honest after the first date?
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:30:46 PM
There is no need for a guy to be rude of have an attitude if a woman has a less-than-favorable impression of the first date. If it is agreed that there is no hope of a second date, then he should be mature enough to just say, 'Good night.' After all, we want her to be completely honest right? Or do we want honesty ONLY when it is in our favor? I recently came out of a friendship/relationship where she was less-than-honest and told me what she thought I wanted to hear. I simply wanted her to be truthful, which she was not. If she was dishonest this early in a relationship, I don't want to give her another chance to lie. I was mature enough to just part company with her.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Guy I met online keeps asking for money
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:58:27 PM
This is a romance version of the 'Nigerian' or '419' scam. I have had 6 women contact me out of the blue on another dating site, all telling me how much they are in love with me. One, I even counted in her 3rd email to me, called me sweetie, sweetheart & dear 15 times in one email! And that is way too excessive for some women who naturally refer to another person politely as honey or dear. All but one have been deleted from that site apparently because of their suspecious behavior. I don't think my profile or my magnetic personality (dripping with sarcasm) cause so many women to fall head over heels in love with me. Come on. Something is definately wrong here. They all have the same general pattern. A few good links that helped me with this are:

http://www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/nigeria.asp
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nigerian_419_scam
http://www.419eater.com/
http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/alerts/nigeralrt.shtm
http://www.datingnmore.com/fraud/scam_database.htm
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8704213/

Please, as heart-breaking as his story may sound, don't let yourself get to emotionally bound that you fall for this.

Roger
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 188 (view)
 
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:20:28 PM
Thank you. After why don't people 'judge' an older couple who (usually because of financial or health reasons) moves in & lives with a child. They do not get judged, but if the adult child lives with them, that is when the judgements fly.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 187 (view)
 
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:18:07 PM
If the guy is mooching off of mom & dad, yes, something is definately wrong. However, mooching is not always- or even often the reason for this living arrangement. Many parents are getting older and health conditions arise. My brothers and sister have their own families so it has fallen onto me, when I moved back from California to Michigan settled in this area, that as the only single sibling, I was in a position to care for mom & dad. Being 47 years old, I have lived on my own for 21 years. My dad had Diabetes, macular degeneration, artificial knees, bad back & disabled shoulder. Mom has severe arthritis in her low back, vertigo, and needs two canes at all times to get about. The way I look at it, they gave the best of their lives raising us kids & being there when we need them, so in this situation, I believe it is only fair tat we do the same for them. This shows the same responsibility as it would to raise children (more so because of the emotions involved while you watch your own parents' health deterioating. However, if a guy is just mooching off his parents, he is not only being a burden to them in their golden years, but he is robbing himself of growing up.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
The Baby Conundrum
Posted: 6/3/2008 10:10:06 AM
I know just what you mean. I've met someone here whose mentioned that she wants other children, but 1) sinc I have never had children myself, I am afraid of what kind of a father I might be. I have not had the best relationship with my father as I grew up & I fear I might be just as poor of one; and 2) I'm 47 & I'm concerned if I would have the energy & ability to play etc. with them as they grow older-besides I don't want to be in a nursing home when they graduate from college!
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Dating older men is NOT going to solve your dating issues
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:48:12 PM
I'm sorry about that bad experience you had to go through. But there is no reason that you have to jusge the rest of us by the bad example of one man. Most of my friends (female and male) are younger than me, I've always related better to younger people than to those who were my age, what I here is little more than lumping all 'older' men together & judging us by one unfortunate man. Thanks for being so judgemental. By the way, if I sound like I'm taking your post personally, I am. It sounds like you may have some issues to deal with.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
homophobic someone define this for me
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:05:47 AM
Technically speaking, homophobic is from two Greek words, homos (self or same) and phobia (fear). The politically-correct use, which is really a mis-use & proof that they don't know what they are saying, it means fear of the self (or same gender). For a man to be homophobic it means that he either is afraid of himself or of other men. For a woman (though that is Lesbian from the antics of the legendary Sappho on the island of Lesbos) it would be fear of other women. The modern P.C. mis-use of the term is based upon the assumption that hatred or any opposition at all is synonmous to fear. That simply indicates that these persons have not thought things through. Hatred & opposition doen NOT equal fear. Fear is opposition without a sense of being able to do anything about the object of that fear. Hatred, on the other hand, is akin to abuse & has a very real sense of not only being able to do something about the object of hatred, but is determined to do so. In short, Homophobia as properly understood simply means a fear of the self or same.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:40:27 PM
I couldn't agree more! I think we've come to think that the preferable (ie. easier) way to go is to split when things get tough. How wussy have we become. It is interesting that 50 years ago when everything wasn't instant or immediate or easy, we had the guts to tunnel in for the long haul. Though I realize that some divorces may be necessary, the ease of divorce (as well as the notion that everything had to be catered to our Self) and the popularity of Phil Donohue & Jerry Springer where it became sport to see the breakdown of relationships 'just happen' to coincide with the wimpy-ness of us as a society. Marriage difficult? Get out. Job hard? Get out. Everything seem to be centered around a family member with special needs? Throw a temper tantrum & demand that others pay attention to you. It is interesting to view this childishness of the American 'Adult' in light of Diana West's book, The Disappearance of the Adult. Just an observation (now I wonder how many people are going to cry about how harsh my words here-or yours for that matter- are?)

Roger
 Rogelee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 453 (view)
 
Question for the guys...Should us women say NO SEX on the 1st date BEFORE the date?
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:47:21 AM
I understand that some guys may try to get sex on the first date, but the reason I am greatly offended by the mention of what is sexually acceptable and what is not, is that the woman, without seeming to haven got to know whether I am that type or not, is willing to ignore all that we have shared & to lump me categorically with the guys who would try to get it on the first date. Dr. Laura Slessinger distinguishes between 'guys' and 'men'; the first, all males are born as, the second, some men become (while others stay as 'guys'. I wonder if they were actually listening to me when we talked & got to know each other (or so I would have thought of it) before that date. While I can understand why the woman, if she is unsure of me, would tell me up front, which I admire that honesty, to do so (apparently they are willing to go out with me without having gotten to know me enough to know whether I am that type or not, generally this will ensure that there will be no date if they are willing to going out with somebody they don't know well enough that out of their ignorance they are willing to insult that person. I have had two women (both whom I had known a while) tell me up front what was not accepted sexually, & the mere thought that I would want anything (beyond maybe a kiss depending upon how the date went) seals the deal that there will definately be no first-or any- date.
 
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