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 Author Thread: Being unrealistic about temperature of potential dates?
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 238 (view)
 
Being unrealistic about temperature of potential dates?
Posted: 7/27/2016 12:15:08 PM
^^ Interesting quote.

Just as interesting to note, however, is how the modern world invalidates many of these claims. I'm certain that points, while perhaps valid during Franklin's time/among Franklin's "peers", no longer apply to the average woman to be found in America today.

1. Older women do not in any real way have more "Knowledge of the World", leading to "lastingly agreable" conversation. What today's average woman has more knowledge of are the plot details of serial TV shows, trending social media memes, and the latest Social Justice agendas--which, to a real man, are irrelevant at best, and insufferably annoying at worst.

2. When "Women cease to be handsome", they don't "study to be good". They instead do myriad things in order to erect an maintain facade of youthfulness and relevance, such as by broadcasting heavily-filtered "Myspace angle" photos, carefully manage their social media life, and mutilate parts of their bodies with ink and cosmetic surgery.

3. The hazard is there as long as the woman is verifiably on the other side of menopause. In Franklin's day, women of that age would generally have been on death's door. Yuck.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Is this a common occurrence?
Posted: 12/23/2015 9:42:58 AM
I've never had that happen to me. I wouldn't talk, text, email, Skype or Facetime in lieu of actually meeting in person, save for at most a couple emails and a phone call to establish some basics and a time and place.

I understand that people can be much more cautious than I, would rather try to learn more before making the effort to meet (especially if dating from longer distances), and that things are different for many people today where those forms of communication are somehow preferred in certain circumstances. In my view and experience however, they are inferior to in-person interaction, and setting the expectation that I intend to meet soon also eliminates the wishy-washy and "catfish" from wasting my time.

Good luck on your upcoming date.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 62 (view)
 
What does old-fashioned values even mean
Posted: 12/23/2015 9:24:20 AM

If these actions are not shown, then you have the right to think that all they want is for you to be their suitor and no words should be spoken….. why ask??? Just clearly MOVE ON.


This may not speak directly to the point you were making, but it's my preference to talk about things rather than to just draw conclusions and make decisions from observations alone.

This thread (as well as most other relationship discussions) is rife with people drawing conclusions from limited experiences rather than actually communicating directly with the person involved. Other posters concluded this woman must be a gold digger by the [limited] description of the situation, and the OP himself acknowledges that he doesn't even want to open the dialog with the lady, even though it is important enough to him to discuss it with strangers on an internet forum. Those with such an attitude because they fear of how it makes them look, or that the other person would get offended, or the other person may simply lie, etc. should reflect on how suitable they--or the other person--is for dating at all.

I have never regretted discussing something important to me directly with the person it affects, and then making decisions from whatever comes of that. It's a great way to actually get to know one another and thereby further the relationship, which I thought was the whole point of dating.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 27 (view)
 
who pays
Posted: 12/22/2015 5:53:12 PM
Markmywords23, the appropriate time to bring up something that's important to you is: whenever you feel it's appropriate.
If you let someone else tell you it's "too soon" or make you feel bad that you voiced something that was significant for you, then you have more problems than picking up the tab.

The whole "who pays" issue will be hotly contested--with opinions mostly divided by gender--but the only important one is how *you* feel about it. No one else here has to sit there at the table with you when the check comes and deal with the situation, only you.

Personally, as someone who's dated a bunch, I believe it is still the case that women expect the man to pick up the tab for the most part. Some will insist on splitting the bill on the first meet, but after that they will want to be taken care of. It's just how it is. So, I make it clear to women I date right up front--at least by the 3rd date--that I will not be their suitor. There must be a reasonable amount of reciprocity. We'll alternate taking each other out, or something to that effect. I have dumped otherwise good women for that very reason, that despite my clear view on the subject (and their initial agreement with it), over time they reveal themselves as expecting me to pick up the tab the majority of the time. Whether it is a test is irrelevant.

Stand up for who you are and what you feel regardless of how others feel about it.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Really don't know what to do
Posted: 12/22/2015 6:04:25 AM
Without a doubt, the biggest issue I've realized in my dating history is being "real" with the other person, meaning, seeing them and accepting them for who they really are and avoiding the temptation to fabricate a fantasy about how wonderful you'll be together.

That's hard enough to do when all your interactions happen in real life--as mine always have--I could not imagine trying to be real with someone over Skype and texts. Seems impossible.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Relashionship end, living as friends, now trying to date... What next?
Posted: 12/22/2015 5:56:42 AM
The results of your dating life are telling you what you need to know. You aren't able to feel good about that part of your current arrangement, and it will be difficult to find any kind of decent woman who would understand or accept the situation. If/when that becomes important enough for you, you'll make changes. Like moving out to your own place (or, if it's "your" place according to the marital settlement agreement, getting her out).

Do you even have a final divorce agreement, judge-signed and with a parenting plan that describes when the child will reside with the mother and with the father? Consider that when you do decide to live in your own residences, this will become an important factor.
Until that time, you have unfinished business with your "ex" wife. That, and establishing a more reasonable situation for your child, would seem to be a higher priority than dating.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Really don't know what to do
Posted: 12/22/2015 5:44:20 AM
How much of all this went down "in person" vs over the phone or text? Had you two met before this recent date?
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Have you ever met someone at the grocery store?
Posted: 10/6/2015 7:03:54 PM
The grocery store is one of the least sexy environments imaginable for hitting on people. People are going about their mundane tasks; this chick's comparing prices on toilet paper, and that one there is grabbing a box of frozen fish out of the freezer. Not great imagery.

That said, the banality of the grocery as a backdrop makes for a great contrast when you swagger in there, all eyes and confidence. I think many women are primed to be slayed while they're wheeling the cart around.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 220 (view)
 
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 6:56:50 PM
I was a "nice guy" for many years. It was all a ruse to get slicked, and it worked like a charm.

There is no alternative to getting to know someone for real, hanging out with them in the real world for a while before you form judgement, their real values and personality will show before long. If they're "nice" without also being strong and wise, then they're probably a sap; if they're nice in some circumstances but not in others, they're likely a charlatan; and if they're nice but also seem to have their shyte together, and seems genuinely happy, you may have something.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Thoughts on attractive men
Posted: 10/6/2015 6:43:42 PM
Less desirable men complain about the same thing when it comes to attractive women: they're "stuck up" or even cruel in their disregard for others. The reality is, they've got lots of options, and so they focus on who piques their interest. So what?

This is Elliot Rodger material.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 196 (view)
 
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/4/2015 8:04:13 PM
They're not "gentlemen" proper, the way I described, unless they're over 50.

A man who treats people "well" isn't necessarily a gentleman, "well" being a relative term.

I wouldn't open a door for a woman in any kind of deliberate way or as a gesture, though I treat people well. It's because I'm not a "gentleman".
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 194 (view)
 
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/4/2015 7:58:06 PM
No, there aren't gentlemen like that any more, not as it relates to women. It is because their code--the walking on the street side, opening doors, standing when a lady enters or leaves a room, "ladies first"--vanished along with the culture in which it made sense.

Those same gentlemen viewed women as having less status in society--and indeed they did. They viewed their wives as subservient, and the deference that they showed them with their "gentlemanly" ways was a way of honoring their favor and devotion.

Men can no longer have relationships like this with women in the Western world. Entering the '70s, a man who openly held these views might be called a "chauvinist". Today, he would be a pariah.

And so it makes no sense to treat a woman in a way that she frankly does not earn. It exists only in fantasy novels and women-produced films starring Richard Gere, and yes "beta" chumps that disrepsect themselves by anachronistically attempting to win a woman's favor by picking up the tab.

So, when women ask, "Aren't there any gentleman out there?", it's akin to a man asking, "Aren't there any subservient women out there?"
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 41 (view)
 
I went to speed dating last night...
Posted: 10/3/2015 7:54:57 AM
Speed dating is poor way to meet others because it subverts an essential part of the courting process.

Courting is a complex and involved way of winning another's respect and affections through progressive demonstrations of value, starting from the very first meet.

A man who is able to select, approach, and hold a woman's attention in a natural, real-world scenario that was not specifically organized to provide him a "captive audience" has demonstrated some level of his affinity, social abilities and confidence, and so has established a foundation of respect that can be built upon.

The circumstances of that first meet aren't inconsequential, as speed dating and other matching services would have people assume; and by "assisting" in that part of the process, it necessarily devalues the experience and the particpants in each other's eyes.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 27 (view)
 
My Online Dating Experience in 4 Years (Guys Pov)
Posted: 4/9/2015 10:42:26 AM
Hawking, you seem to be talking yourself right out of it.

Heard of analysis paralysis? Plato's Cave?

From your posting history you appear to have become some sort of servant to failure, dedicated to perfecting these excruciatingly detailed tomes on everything that's wrong and impossible about the idea of developing relationships.

But you know what? If you wanted to, tonight you could simply choose to turn all that shit off, locate a meetup in your area with a dozen attendees, and just show up and talk to everybody. Just be cool, rap for a while... find your inner McConaughey or whoever and own your space. Even the cute one is going to talk to you. And you will look her in the eye and lay it on her.

That's how it begins--with ridiculously simple, obvious actions, not with pointless, confused scrutiny. What will you do tonight?
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 21 (view)
 
My Online Dating Experience in 4 Years (Guys Pov)
Posted: 4/8/2015 8:10:44 PM
" Is it not a little odd that there was (and probably still is) a stronger stigma to meeting someone online than at a bar?"

I don't think there is, at least not for those of us over 35. There might even be more of a stigma for those still fishing at bars... online, social events and meetups seems to be where it's at.

By the way, have you tried meetups? They're fantastic. Even if you don't score, you're likely to have a great time with others with common interests. Feels good all around.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 15 (view)
 
My Online Dating Experience in 4 Years (Guys Pov)
Posted: 4/8/2015 1:03:15 PM
Jay, I wouldn't put too much stock in others' experiences and cranky feedback here. Your experience--and how you approach dating--will vary greatly depending on various factors such as your age bracket, your attractiveness to others, your intent, etc.

Don't worry about response rates; again, results will vary. My experience when I was actively looking was that I did not hear back from maybe 10 women after contacting perhaps 50 over a year's time. My approach was to be highly selective, which I was confident would work for me, although it appears more typical to just send mass messages in order to cast a wider net.

You are very young and it appears you're doing well--that is, you've been dating several women and you seem to be learning about what works for you and keeping after it. That's what life is all about, hopefully you will enjoy the journey.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/5/2015 5:04:21 AM
I don't think I would get involved with someone that had just divorced within the past year, since I now know it takes many people at least that long to sort of recover their balance again.

Other than that, it wouldn't matter to me so much.

And your 30s is prime time, enjoy it!
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 20 (view)
 
How do you determine when someone is trying to be helpful or being domineering/pushy?
Posted: 4/5/2015 4:55:42 AM
People that want to talk about themselves [their issues] while wanting others to just sit and listen or offer only sympathies are called vampires.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 5:53:42 PM
If men intend to tie the knot with women (or other men), then, yes, they certainly need courting skills. As in, knowledge of where court is so they can file divorce petition, and how to prepare for the subsequent court trial.

Also, msg #2 is awesome.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/5/2015 12:50:47 PM
I believe the answer to the titular question is, "Sometimes."

Life is and always will be an ongoing battle no matter the person's circumstances. There is simply too much chaos and too many stresses of all kinds exerting themselves at every level, from basic survival up to achieving one's dreams, that derail our ability to truly appreciate things.

I think the best we can hope for are temporary reprieves where, either through chance or as a result of our efforts, things align just enough so that we can experience some level or contentedness or joy.

I try to keep my eyes open to these, but also accept that they may be few, with sometimes nearly-unbearable slogs in between. So far, it seems to be working well enough.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 8 (view)
 
He came on so strong then dumped me calling me crazy?!
Posted: 3/3/2015 5:31:20 AM
Why must every dating story be told from the point of view of an innocent, vulnerable victim who's just been caught up in someone else's crazy?

This one sounds just like many of the impetuous affairs I've had through my lifetime. It's normal--it's what we're designed to do--to go a little crazy to ensure a successful mating.

It's life; and you enjoyed it, as you should have.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Loosing My Way
Posted: 2/26/2015 12:38:45 PM
Yes, I would continue dating someone that had slight difficulty finding a place they'd never been before.

I would however stop dating someone that felt the need to post the situation on a forum, asking about the date-ability of such people.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Why do I do this?
Posted: 2/25/2015 3:18:14 PM
That's the scariest aspect of dating--the idea of getting close to someone you don't know, people that might not even know what they're doing, or why they're doing it; they're mixed-up or broken in some way and just basically using people to sate some unknown motivation.

Their picture and profile, like anyone else's, will be designed to make it easy to assume that they're fun and easy to get on with. So you go meet them, unaware that you're about to walk straight into some kind of threshing machine.

Be kind.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Bringing New Date to Old Date?
Posted: 2/25/2015 5:16:39 AM
Just like everything, it seems like it might depend on the details.

If you just broke up with that guy recently, and the meetup will just be a few people so that you necessarily have to be in close proximity with him, maybe it's weird enough that there's better things to do.

If it's been a while and you won't need to interact too much with that person at the event, who cares?
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Hang In There - This Does Work!
Posted: 2/24/2015 5:17:10 PM
I'd say "sorry" also, but that's not how I think.

You had an amazing time, and it was real, for however long it lasted. And you're richer for the experience. That's what life is about, in my book.

I hope you can remember it fondly as something shared rather than lost.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 362 (view)
 
Paying for a date
Posted: 2/14/2015 1:53:28 PM
"I can think of lots of things that would make a blow job worth $500, but what will factor in the most is getting it from whom you want it, not just whose available to do sans attraction."

^^^ Nah... it isn't worth anything if the woman isn't giving it simply to please you, and/or herself.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 61 (view)
 
COLD HOUSE GET TOGETHER
Posted: 2/13/2015 12:26:01 PM
If the friend had some hot toddy made and blankets that everyone could snuggle under, it would probably turn out fun.

And hot.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 40 (view)
 
To Much To Soon
Posted: 2/5/2015 4:32:44 PM


I will never let anyone pressure me into anything or set a time limit on when we have to have sex. My best relationships have occurred with respectful communication and no agenda from either party on sex-related time frames.


I don't believe in pressuring anyone. If I don't see sparks I move on. That simple.


I would never pressure anyone either. I tell the women I date that if they ever feel uncomfortable with where things are going, they should just get out of the car and walk home in the dark to their cats.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Good first date but then rude/offensive text after. Date again or don't bother?
Posted: 1/30/2015 4:55:09 PM
"you should have enjoyed it, you didn't spend a penny"

I'd be confused by this, not offended. And if otherwise things seemed fine... Am I missing something?
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Tinder
Posted: 1/17/2015 12:21:38 PM
I think norwegianguy's got the right idea.

Unless you happen upon a mythological scenario such as sharing the same table with someone attractive at a library where you both happen to notice the other is also reading James Joyce, which is the perfect set up for instant philosophical connection, if you want to meet someone, you've got to be open to superficial and weird as the starting point. For those over 35, Tinder is probably also adding the wrong sort of population demographic to the problem.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 12 (view)
 
he went on vacation without telling me....
Posted: 1/8/2015 7:49:53 AM

You are not going to change the ways of a 50 year old man. He has been happily independent his entire life.


and


He's married or has another relationship that trumps yours. Perhaps he is on his Honeymoon right now. He may have you pegged as his Mistress while he is married to another older, less attractive woman for financial reasons.


This is so sad. I see these type responses repeated ad nauseam in these forums. You obviously can't know this about the person; but more to the point it is sad to see people so thoroughly jaded that they'll so quickly project the most pathetic traits onto those they know very little or nothing about. I only hope that those who still believe in people don't give such attitudes any credence.

To the OP, from your last post its sounds like you've got a good idea of what to do. Good luck!
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 7 (view)
 
he went on vacation without telling me....
Posted: 1/8/2015 7:15:36 AM
So:
- After a year with each other, you were communicating/seeing each other about once per week
- He told you (and asked you in advance) if you would like to go away on this trip, but you couldn't
- You feel somehow diminished that he went without you/without more explaining or whatever

It sounds like the status quo with you guys is that you haven't been all that close and communicative. Going away on a trip he already told you about isn't anything heinous; you aren't married or raising a child together or anything else that requires him to explain himself to you.

This feels like the same old insecurity thing, needing the guy to revolve his world around you although you two clearly aren't that committed.

My advise is to simply talk to him and be very clear with him about what you feel you need from him--more communication, more involvement, more signs of whatever. Then he can consciously choose whether that's what he wants also, or not. Or maybe he's already got the picture and made his choice, in which case, good for you.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Appreciation
Posted: 12/31/2014 9:01:44 AM
I just want to put this out there to the forum-- this year, thanks to all of you and the sharing you do here, I was able to learn alot about myself and enjoyed reading some other perspectives about these wonderful and also difficult topics.

I wish everyone the best.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 14 (view)
 
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 12:39:00 PM
I'd look at this like anything else you were trying to learn about someone--such as their character, ethics, etc. You just have to talk with them and feel it out.

People might feel the need to claim that they can be spontaneous, but if they love their corporate career and have 3 minor children, chances are they have little opportunity for the kind of spontaneity that an unattached person would. Look at the rest of their life and what they're saying and see if it all jives. It shouldn't be that hard to discover if someone is a free spirit or else obsessed with motorcycling or is a leech.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 466 (view)
 
Men's Frustrations in Online Dating
Posted: 12/23/2014 8:18:57 PM
I was in LA for 12 years, and yes, it was very superficial. Also since it is crowded and cramped you get this whole phenomenon of a kind of urban "shell" that people grow--like some kind of weird defense mechanism, or maybe a sort of learned indifference, which makes genuine connections difficult.

But on the plus side, there's also several million people in a very liberal, diverse place with lots going on. All kinds of characters and lifestyles happening, so at least there is good potential to meet interesting people if you are really putting yourself out there. Endless possibilities. I miss that.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 19 (view)
 
second date
Posted: 12/21/2014 12:42:45 PM
This is so easy to answer.

We weren't there, but it's obvious from your profile-- you're sexy and there's also a significant focus on skin, curves, and sex there that makes men consider you a mark.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Photos that the Ex still has...
Posted: 12/21/2014 12:32:02 PM
^^^ Yes, at least one of us could. If you date someone whom you otherwise trust and respect [as an individual], why would it bother anyone what she has if it suits her and is not harming anyone?

Oh, that's right. It's that perfectly healthy "monogamous" jealousy thing again. Dump that deranged wh*re!!!
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 1116 (view)
 
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2014 12:26:23 PM
Ainen and Halcyon are calling the thread resurrector a "troll" via issuing ad hominem attacks on what was a relevant opinion?

I would say, "you can't write stuff this rich", except... well, they did.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Open Relationships
Posted: 12/19/2014 12:48:01 PM

Since when is a monogamous relationship “selfish?” I would think most adults consider it healthy and optimal.


"Most adults" do all sorts of things that they consider OK, but could be shown to be objectively pointless, self-defeating or even destructive if they cared to examine them honestly. How many adults *don't* watch TV, buy on credit or overeat? They consider them OK, because most everyone else is doing them, too--including ****ing about them even while they persist in the behavior.

The problem with monogamy is that it simply goes against human nature. It's designed to fail. Human beings aren't actually capable of remaining strictly monogamous with and completely fulfilled by one other person indefinitely, which is actually the hope and assumption that is made in these monogamous relationships. And so then what?

Whoever says they're capable of this--even with the "right" person--over many decades of living, interacting with others and changing circumstances, is either lying, ignorant, comatose, or is otherwise in some very exclusive minority of people.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Is it Aduletry
Posted: 12/17/2014 12:50:17 PM
OP, if you're searching for a *legal* answer to your adultery question, normally the standard is whether sex was actually performed--e.g. bodily fluids were exchanged. The question however is in the domain of state law and you can research that online in your state's posted statutes--as well as whether it matters in any legal context. Most states do not consider adultery in divorce proceedings, for example.

In other words, the only opinion you need to seek about what her behavior means is your own.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 142 (view)
 
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/10/2014 10:21:35 AM
As Petunias sez:

drunken beast sex
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Am I too needy?
Posted: 11/30/2014 4:48:48 AM

Not all the relationships we have were meant to be lasting. Some of them were basically doomed from the start, and yet you can't buy the lessons they teach us about ourselves for all the money in the world. So in that sense they're still pretty valuable.


Gold.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Thanksgiving alone..do it!
Posted: 11/29/2014 5:04:00 PM
I love the sentiment of this thread, glad it was made (and then resurrected).

There are as many different ways to enjoy the holidays--as well as every day of the year--as there are people and the limits of their imaginations.

No doubt many of those who spent it with others secretly wished to be anywhere else than with annoying relatives, gorging themselves on sickly fat and sweet foods out of courtesy.

Whatever you are doing, I wish all of you to find some peace and happiness and don't let conventional expectations of the holidays be a drag.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Dating rate
Posted: 11/19/2014 2:13:20 PM
I'm sure the "rate" is going to range from no dates ever for undesirable/incompetent types to whatever is practically possible, like maybe 10 per week for desirable people who are so inclined.

When I was actively meeting new people it was about 2 or 3 per week, which was exhausting.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Do some women fantasize of being raped?
Posted: 11/19/2014 1:08:19 PM
"Rape" is too loaded a term and controversial to discuss objectively.

I can say from my experience that many women enjoy the idea of being taken forcefully, and being in a somewhat helpless position.
If not actual rape it's maybe somewhere near if not actually in the ballpark.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/19/2014 12:54:32 PM
Did you know that professional chefs--those guys and gals that have access to the best ingredients and make the most delicious plates--sometimes crave McDonald's?

Get it?

You guys trying to build an argument that you'll never ever want anything else is just absurd. To each his own though, have fun playing the game, and then labelling the other as a hurtful cheater when it turns out the whole thing doesn't hold water.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Dating without physical attraction
Posted: 11/19/2014 12:39:07 PM
Would you date someone and be open to a sexual relationship if you found them physically unattractive but their intelligence and personality were a "10"?

Have you ever developed an intense physical attraction to someone where there was initially none, because of the affect their personality had on you?

Not a judgement or troll post; looking for honest feedback.

Thanks.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/19/2014 12:19:19 PM


OF COURSE being a male means never losing the DESIRE to boink every woman you fancy whether you’re in a relationship or not.

BUT …. ANY guy in a satisfying relationship would have to be a complete IDIOT to risk losing that just for some random tail.


And there you have it: you want to but you deny yourself out of fear of loss.

We all know that's how most people think. Probably also IG and the others, if they were honest about it. Nothing wrong with it, if works for you and you are agreeable to the consequences. It's the basis of the whole monogamous gambit.

It's not exactly romantic, though, and I'd like to take a poll of women, and see what they think of men that make decisions in this way versus ones that do what they want without fear.

I can tell you from my own experience that the latter certainly does not drive them away.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/19/2014 11:58:18 AM

Browse the forums...check his posting history. It's proof in itself.


Posting history is not proof. Proof would be the reality of whether he, like most healthy men, masturbates to the fantasy of sex with other women, regardless of his current status with his gf... which would be an admission of a sexual desire for others.

No doubt many acknowledge that this is absurd and unbelievable, and so people set about asserting false semantical distinctions between masturbatory fantasy and "what they would actually do" as a way of protecting their little irrational arrangements.




I can barely handle ONE woman at a time (any woman). I forgot to see my SO on Veterans day and she's been mad at me. I couldn't imagine dealing with that on multiple fronts. (and no, I'm not going to go find a piece of ass somewhere, there's more important things in life than sex).


Fairly irrelevant, but I'm sorry to hear this... though it sounds like her problem--just like those who can't cope when others' desire doesn't magically and forever take on a singular focus just because they're fond of someone.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 11/19/2014 10:58:23 AM
IG, you have zero desire to have sex with women other than your girlfriend, and can't ever foresee wanting to, no matter the circumstances?

That long business trips out of state after you've been together for 5 years?
A few months after getting none because she's become ill?
Tempted by an old crush while visiting your hometown, and she's got her best friend there too?

Give me a break. Some of us are actual human males, being real and honest with ourselves and the ones we truly respect rather than trying to promote ourselves as being Pinnacles of Monogamous Virtue, living in some Forever Love Fairy Tale.

The source of emotional pain is always in unrealistic expectations.
 
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