Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

          

Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Freakish to be over 30 and never have had a boyfriend?
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Freakish to be over 30 and never have had a boyfriend?
Posted: 6/25/2010 6:51:40 PM
I'm 35, never had a relationship and only been on three "dates" in my lifetime...although I'm not even sure they technically qualified as dates. I'm also a virgin and have never kissed, held hands, or cuddled with a woman and have only been hugged three times in my entire life. I'm quite a catch, aren't I? I can't think of anything that would send up more red flags to a woman than that. It's not like I have anyone interested in me anyway since I'm not physically attractive to most women and so socially awkward around them I can't even manage simple eye contact without turning into a nervous wreck.
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 275 (view)
 
Do guys like these exist past 35?
Posted: 4/7/2010 7:50:22 PM
I fit all those categories. I've never been married, no children. I always wanted a stable and long term relationship, not just looking for sex. I've been employed full time for over 15 years, own my house and I'm fit and in excellent physical health.

What's the catch then? I'm extremely shy around women. I get so nervous around them I can barely manage eye contact, let alone approach them so I've never been in a relationship or done anything physical including kissing. I was also badly emotionally abused when I was younger, which makes it extremely difficult for me to trust anyone so I put up walls to protect myself. As if those wonderful qualities weren't enough to send most women running in the other direction, I'm also blessed with a horrible combination of facial features that only a mother could love. I've seen women actually recoil in disgust when they see me, I'm not making that up. I guess in my case the cons outweigh the pros in the eyes of the opposite sex, so that's why I'm still alone and probably always will be.
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 1349 (view)
 
SO why are you still single after 30?
Posted: 3/13/2010 7:32:42 PM
Why am I in my mid 30's and still single? Let's see....

I'm painfully shy in person and have struggled for most of my life with shyness and anxiety. I turn into a nervous wreck around women.
I'm cursed with undesirable facial features that I can't help, which makes me physically unattractive. I'm not making that up, I've been called ugly by lots of people including women over the years.
Every woman I've ever been interested in has rejected me without even giving me a chance, and nobody has ever shown interest in me.
My only friend and his wife have tried for years to set me up with someone but have never succeeded in even getting me a date.
I'm a virgin who has never kissed or touched a woman. That alone will send up more red flags than anything else.
Because of a lifetime of rejection and heartbreak, I've put up walls. I'm afraid to even express interest in anyone because I can no longer deal with the pain of rejection.

I won't lie, I'm incredibly lonely and would give anything to share my life with someone. It tears my heart out to see happy couples together and wish I could have that. But unfortunately we live in a judgemental world where things don't always work out the way we want so I'm trying to accept being alone.
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 625 (view)
 
Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 12/16/2009 7:57:56 PM
Its all I've ever wanted for as long as I can remember. Doesn't really matter anymore.
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 146 (view)
 
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 12/9/2009 7:03:57 PM
I'm 35, employed full time with a well paying career and own my own house. I'm loyal and affectionate, kind hearted, gentle yet assertive when needed...but I've never dated or been in a relationship. Why? Because I'm extremely shy which makes it very difficult to meet women. On top of that I'm cursed with facial features that make me physically unattractive. So I'm stuck with a combination of mental and physical issues that make it about impossible for me to meet anyone. Believe me I've tried, I've lost count of how many different women have rejected me over the years. Whenever I've met someone I really liked and thought I had a chance with I just end up getting hurt.
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 98 (view)
 
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 12/7/2009 7:17:16 PM
It's absolute hell for me, I'm lonely and sad most of the time. I work myself to the point of exhaustion, up to 70 hours a week or more so I don't have as much time to sit alone in my empty house. I'm very shy and it's difficult for me to go out at all anymore because the few friends I have are all married and seeing other couples together makes me feel so bad. I've never had a real relationship...just lots and lots of heartbreak over the years. I wish more than anything I had someone right now, it hurts being so lonely.
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:39:46 PM
I'm 35 and have pretty much given up on ever finding anyone. I've struggled with shyness and anxiety for my entire life which makes it extremely difficult for me to meet people. If that weren't bad enough, I'm also cursed with facial features that make me physically unattractive to most women. I've tried so hard over the years....forcing myself to go places where there are single women, forcing myself to talk to people...only to be rejected. I've spent at least eight years using online dating sites with no luck either, only heart break. Most reject me after I send them a few pictures, the rest just fizzle out before I ever have the chance to meet them. I've had my hopes up so many times thinking I finally met someone I have a real chance with, but I always end up hurt every time. It's hell living this way, I get severely depressed because I'm so lonely and I've thought many times about ending it because it hurts so much. It's especially difficult for me to even go anywhere besides work anymore because I always see couples everywhere and wish more than anything I could have that.

I don't hate myself, I think I'm an honest, good hearted, hard working man with a lot to offer...but nobody will give me that chance. I've never been on what I would even consider a real date, the only thing that came close was meeting a woman in the platonic section of craigslist. But even she rejected me after spending a few days hanging out. I've only been hugged three times in my entire life, all three times were with her. I've never held hands, cuddled, kissed, and I'm still a virgin. I'm literally starved for affection, I'd give anything to hold someone. I honestly don't see much hope when I've been this way for so long. I do believe love exists, but I think some people are never lucky enough to find it and I feel I belong to that group.
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Dating advice
Posted: 1/8/2009 6:42:41 PM
Ok...time for an update. We met on Sunday, I was running a bit late so I called her before I left home to let her know. We met at a restraunt and ate, then on to the exhibit we had planned on seeing. There was an ice storm the night before so the sidewalks were EXTREMELY slippery, so I offered her my hand a few times so she wouldn't fall on the ice. She did take it and held on just long enough to catch her balance, then let go. I did this maybe three or four different times, but every time she let go after she got her footing so I didn't push it any farther.

We walked through that place much more quickly than I expected, so I suggested either playing some pool or catching a movie. In the middle of winter there isn't a whole lot to do for fun around here, so she agreed to a movie. We drove to the theater but the movie we wanted to see didn't start for two hours, so we spent the next hour and a half just driving around and talking. I stopped in at a business a friend of mine owns to visit him since I hadn't seen him for several years, introduced her to him and he showed us around the place...she seemed to enjoy that. We got to the theater about half an hour early so we just sat there talking and laughing about different things and having an excellent conversation which was really nice, probably the best part of the day. I did notice a few times when we were talking in the theater she was playing with her hair, but she didn't seem to make any effort to lean closer or touch me either. After the movie another quick hug in the parking lot, told her I had a great time to which she responded "me too", we said goodbye and both went home.

I called her last night and we talked for almost an hour, just totally random things about our childhood, jobs, stuff like that. It was nice, we both seemed to enjoy the conversation and were laughing a lot. We're planning on going out again but this time Saturday night. I still have absolutely no clue what direction things are headed though, still very frustrated and I have no idea if we're actually "dating". I'm fine with being friends with her, she's lots of fun to be with so if nothing else I'm ok with that....I just wish I could take things to another level but I don't want to lose what I already have in the process. I guess all I can do is just play it out and see what happens, hopefully I'll recognize the signals if they are there.
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Dating advice
Posted: 1/3/2009 5:59:32 PM
I know, and that's what makes this so difficult. When I posted that ad I was frustrated and tired of being hurt, not willing to put myself through being rejected again so I thought I would just focus on finding someone for companionship. But I never imagined we would hit things off so well, have so much in common, that I would feel attracted to her and really like her. I've finally met someone I connect with so well and I'm afraid I sent the wrong message right off the bat and ruined my chances of anything else. I just wish there was an easy way to let her know I'm interested in her without messing up what I already have. *sigh*
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Dating advice
Posted: 1/3/2009 2:03:44 PM

If she is giving off the vibe that she is open for further physical contact, then go for it.

Her reaction could give you a good clue as to what she considers her time with you.

That's part of my problem....my extreme lack of experience makes it very difficult to read the signals women give. I don't want to do something awkward and ruin everything. It was her who initiated the hug last weekend and it was a nice long one which made my head spin so I know she's at least ok with hugging. I've always been the shy loner type and don't have many friends, no female friends either. I don't know how to read the signals if she's wanting more, like if I take her hand when we're walking or if that would be too weird.
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Dating advice
Posted: 1/3/2009 12:19:24 PM
I won't go into all the details, but I've had horrible luck over the years meeting women because of my extreme shyness and unattractive physical features. I've spent years using dating sites without any luck, had my hopes up many times only to get my heart broken. But things changed recently....I placed an ad on craigslist in the platonic section looking for a female friend to spend time and do things with. I was so fed up with all the rejections I thought I would try a different approach this time by starting on a platonic level without the pressure of dating to see where it leads. Which brings me to my situation:

About a week ago a young woman answered my ad. I wrote back with some more details about myself and she replied.......turns out we have similar interests and enjoy a lot of the same things. We exchanged a few letters back and forth, then she gave me her phone number. I called her and we talked for close to an hour, she's very friendly and easy to talk to. This led to our first meeting last weekend. I chose to meet her at a Chinese restraunt where we ate. Conversation went well, we were talking and laughing together. After we ate I wasn't quite sure what to do next because I knew she had plans later in the afternoon. I mentioned I had some shopping to do, but she seemed a little disappointed I would be leaving so quickly so she suggested a movie. We weren't able to talk much after that, but I enjoyed her company and she even cried during the movie which is a plus for me because I like girls who are sensitive. After the movie was over we exited the theater and she gave me a nice, warm hug in the parking lot which felt amazing. We made plans to see each other again and said goodbye. I've talked to her several times on the phone since. Earlier this week she said we could "hang out" this weekend, but the plan is now to meet Sunday to eat, then go to a large indoor exhibit.

This leads me to my confusion. I stated in my ad I was looking for a friend, but I didn't realize how much I would like this girl until I met and spent some time with her. I'm attracted to her physically too, which is a plus. I know she's single but I'm not sure what she's looking for at this point. She did mention last night on the phone that she told some of her friends about me (good things) so I'm assuming that's a good sign she's interested in me? I just don't know....I have so little dating experience. I want her to know I'm interested without moving too quickly, but I'm not even sure myself if she's interested in me that way or if she's just looking for a friend to hang out with. I'm so inexperienced I'm not even sure this is technically "dating" or if it's just two friends hanging out. I know she's ok with hugging, but would it be inappropriate for me to offer her my hand to hold on the second meeting, maybe a quick kiss on the cheek when we part? This is the first time I've ever felt I had a real chance with a woman and I don't want to mess it up. Advice would be greatly appreciated.
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
How u see Virginity on Man ???
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:48:00 PM

Ok, so you admit that you have an problem, shyness and a involutary virginity, yet you set up rules to prevent you from at least taking care of ONE of them?



You invent these "reasons" to prevent you from ever bothering to try....


Sorry bud, but you really aren't in any position to be setting standards.

Seriously dude...you don't know enough about me to judge. I'm not going into detail about all the abuse I went through in my lifetime which led to my problems and how hard I've worked in the past ten years to try to put my life back together. What's wrong with wanting to feel attractive and pleasureable to my partner, to know she wants and desires me? To me that alone is more satisfying than masturbating into another person's body, which to me is essentially what an escort service amounts to. I'm not "inventing" reasons, I have morals.
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
How u see Virginity on Man ???
Posted: 5/8/2008 10:39:13 AM
21 is nothing to sweat...just don't end up like me. I'm a 33 year old male virgin who has never even touched a woman outside of casual contact like shaking hands. That info alone sends up enough red flags to any woman which almost guarantees a lifetime of celibacy. I've never even been hugged by a woman.

I'm not like this by choice. I've struggled with severe shyness and anxiety my whole life and no amount of therapy or meds have been able to "fix" my problem. All I want is someone who is patient and understanding enough to allow me time to feel comfortable enough to reach the point of physical intimacy, but I can't even get a date because I'm too shy and nervous to approach anyone. I wouldn't even consider paying for an escort because I've always wanted to feel attractive and desirable to my partner.
 
Show ALL Forums