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 Author Thread: Dating the physically disabled.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Dating the physically disabled.
Posted: 1/29/2010 11:02:27 AM
I have had serious relationships with women who have disabilities or physical differences, and can confirm that some of us have done this and enjoyed perfectly wonderful partnerships.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 129 (view)
 
would you date someone who is handicaped?
Posted: 1/22/2010 10:40:02 AM
I have had relationships with women who had significant physical disabilities. They were wonderful relationships, the best of my life.

I agree with Sarah about communication- most people with disabilities are comfortable with straightforward questions, and talking is way better than not talking. These conversations can bring you closer, because they are personal and imply an interest and willingness to spend time together.

It does feel like you are taking a risk to be with someone different- but there is really no downside in discovering another person and exploring what your relationship may be like. After all, it is a risk for the disabled person too.

I wish I had an opportunity to data a disabled or physically different person!
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
POF members with disabilities
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:34:00 AM
Other threads have addressed the problem of revealing disabilities on profiles. It's not always obvious what policy is best, and the answer clearly depends on the individual and the disability.

I myself respond very positively to people with disabilities or physical differences, and would very much like to meet them.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Dating an amputee
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:54:17 PM
I would love to date an amputee. My two best and most fulfilling relationships of all time were with women who were amputees. One of them had other physical differences or disabilities too. There's no reason why a relationship with someone who is different should not have the same potential to be rich and wonderful as any other relationship.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Dating the physically disabled.
Posted: 9/6/2009 5:27:53 PM
Most of my relationships since my first gf in middle school have been with women with physical differences or disabilities. I enjoyed all these relationships. The women I have loved have all been competent, resourceful, and creative, and my personal model for an attractive partner is a woman who is physically different in some way.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 351 (view)
 
Very long hair on a woman is very femine and sexy, but few women have long hair
Posted: 7/20/2009 1:39:57 PM
What lovely hair, Shay. I particularly like your hair in the photo on the river. (Just above Hamilton falls?)
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Nipple Size - What do guys prefer?
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:41:05 AM
All sizes are nice. The most important thing to me by far is that the woman enjoys attention to them. It is no fun at all if the enjoyment is one sided.

That said, I really do love very large diameter areolas.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Profile is viewed but very few emails.
Posted: 6/22/2009 6:33:28 AM
If it helps, you should know that I for one would definitely have contacted you if I was "eligible." ( I am too far away and don't have a photo and am here more for friendship than a long term relationship. ) I play baroque flute and other wind instruments semi-professionally, am particularly attracted to women with physical differences, would love to be with a BBW, and am about the same age: What a perfect match!

The problem may be that POF excels as a broadcasting medium, but you are using it to narrowcast. My advice is to open things up. You seem to be fishing in Nottawasaga Bay instead of Lakes Huron, Erie, Ontario and Michigan.

Your profile abstracts who you are nicely and honestly, and I think that it is fine not to mention that you have a disability or are in a wheelchair, as long as you mention it reasonably early in a potential relationship. However, few if any of us over 50 will see our mailboxes overflow on the basis or our photos and real-life descriptions. Careful men will also discover your disability. Most men are unlike me and will be less attracted to a BBW with a disability. Good riddance to the shallow and the prejudiced! But you have to be open to a greater variety of men and over a wider geographical area in order to find the guys who will really appreciate you. You need a bigger net and you should try to net a more diverse group of fish in order to find the rare ones.

I believe that there are other men on POF who might be attracted to you as I am. But it is quite likely that Mr. Right won't be able to contact you! Relax the criteria for mailing you, especially the 75 mile restriction. You can always warn potential partners that you really need someone to be available and close in your text or after they contact you, rather than setting hard filters in your mail preferences. Perhaps that great guy in Thunder Bay has a really nice boat that he likes to sail to your area? Perhaps there is a guy with a disability who does not want to have a profile photo because he is afraid of discrimination. You could always ask for a photo later. Since you do not get responses to your profile now, there is little risk in taking off some of your mail filters. You can always put them back.

I would also recommend leaving out the part about lounging on your lawn swing. Much as I might enjoy lounging with you, it makes you sound rather passive and possibly boring. I would much rather do something active like making music together out on the deck!

I wish you the very best of fishing,

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/19/2009 6:19:56 AM
The majority of my relationships starting with my first gf in middle school have been with women who had a disability or physical difference. They were all very good relationships. I have been fortunate to have had several kind, smart, empathetic women, and creative women with physical differences in my life, and would like to have that again.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/18/2009 6:30:58 PM
I would love to have the opportunity!
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 74 (view)
 
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 5/14/2009 2:11:33 PM

"really? Can you tell me where some of them are, because I'm a woman with a disability And find it nearly impossible to find a guy who would be willing to date me because of my physical disability... it's like a repellent or something."


I for one have had serious relationships with women with disabilities, and each one was unique and wonderful. I prefer women who are physically unique in some way or have a diability, and am not at all afraid of women who use a wheelchair or other equipment. Yes, I admit that most people do not feel this way, and some people with disabilities are uncomfortable with my preference for them. Yet I truly believe that there are men out there like myself who would find your disability no barrier at all.

I wish you the very best of luck!

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
How many guys or gals would consider dating a physically disabled person?
Posted: 5/7/2009 8:15:13 AM
On the contrary. I would love to be with a woman with a disability or physical differences.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
I'm disabled
Posted: 3/21/2009 1:03:52 PM
People vary greatly, and many men act and think in ways that seem unfair and unthinking.

I have had relationships with women who had significant disabilities, and I treasured every one of those relationships. Disabilities such as yours would never affect how I thought about you.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Can a person kiss with dentures?
Posted: 3/17/2009 6:20:18 AM
re godezzofchaos:
"I really was curious because of my friend and he is young (late 30's, almost 40) so I don't really think it is a "nursing home issue", and like the guy whose gf lost her teeth to chemotherapy (which I was unaware happened) it must be terribly scary for someone who is young."


My gf and I were together in 1976, and her chemotherapy had been in the 1960s. I believe that both chemotherapy and prophylactic dentistry have come a long way and that modern methods do not directly cause tooth loss. However, I know that chemotherapy still can cause dental problems because of immune suppression, dry mouth and other complications.

My gf had lingering health problems and missing body parts that followed from cancer treatment and was still frightened, more by the prospect of enduring treatment again than of death. More than 30 years after our relationship she is in some ways healthier now.

I remember our wonderful physical relationship and the magic of kissing her like it was yesterday.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Sexy Stockings Sightings.....When was the last time YOU saw a woman in hot Nylons??
Posted: 3/17/2009 5:40:28 AM
I would never press a woman to be uncomfortable to me, and always advocate that people wear what they want. That said, I really do love the look of stockings. Perhaps it is because I am old enough to remember when girls in middle school and sometimes in high school wore them, during the flowering of my adolescent sexuality. By the time I graduated from high school, stockings seemed like a distant memory. I saw a woman on the T (subway) in Boston last weekend who was wearing stockings. She looked just beautiful to me, and it was a heartwarming experience to see her.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Can a person kiss with dentures?
Posted: 3/16/2009 7:02:49 AM
I had a gf in college who had lost her teeth due to chemotherapy. She wore dentures and could kiss fine with them, but we both preferred kissing after she removed them. She felt more connected to me, with better proprioceptive feedback, and also felt a little more confidence that nothing would move. I enjoyed the mobility of her lips and other aspects of kissing her without her dentures in. She was the best kisser ever!
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Wheelchairs dating and sex
Posted: 3/9/2009 8:17:04 AM
I have had relationships with women with physical differences and disabilities.

In college I had a terrific relationship with a woman in a wheelchair who had severe congenital disabilities. Honestly, it did take some time to work out how to be sexually active in ways that pleased us both, but the outcome was a rich and satisfying sexual and emotional relationship. It took some attention to detail, mutual learning, and a few false starts, but the process of working things out itself was fun and full of laughs. I remember it as being one of the best periods of my life. It helped that she was confident in her own sexuality and that she simply assumed that I would be undaunted.

I wish one and all the relationships you seek.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 71 (view)
 
WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO!
Posted: 3/9/2009 7:40:51 AM
I have had wonderful relationships with women with significant disabilities. They were the most outstanding relationships of my life. I am fully attracted to women with disabilities or physical differences. Why not?
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
which do you consider to be the lesser of two evils?
Posted: 1/29/2009 11:49:35 AM
It's a little off topic, but Mae West commented on the flip side of this. She said, "When confronted with a choice between two evils, I always choose the one I have not tried before."
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 1/23/2009 9:18:54 AM
Count me as a man whose best relationships have been with women who had significant disabilities or physical differences, Tigress. I have entertained the possibility, followed up on it, and have experienced joyful and wonderful relationships. Not all men are the same.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 124 (view)
 
would you date someone who is handicaped?
Posted: 1/23/2009 9:16:35 AM
Of course I would. My best relationships have all been with women who had disabilities.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 12/16/2008 12:02:36 PM
The Mistress makes an excellent point. It's really wrong to identify a person with their disability. Relationships are between people, not between a person and a disability. Disability is just one facet of who someone is, and it's not really part of the connection between two people upon which a relationship is built.

I believe MofM when she says that it's way harder to get a second glance or a date for a woman in a wheelchair. But there are some of us who will: most of my relationships, including my very first one in middle school, have been with women with disabilities. I find uniqueness attractive, and the women I have loved have as a group been particularly competent and creative.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
web-based email questions
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:45:17 AM
I have my own mail server, and use spamassassin and other techniques to manage unwanted mail. However, I do have a recommendation for free web based mail.

gmx.com offers excellent free email. You can unusually have good control over its adaptive spam filter for a free email service. At first you will start to get spam, but if you start classifying junk mail as spam and using their whitelist and blacklist, you can keep the spam way down with very little effort.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 329 (view)
 
Men over 45 and facial hair
Posted: 11/13/2008 10:03:30 PM
I once knew a woman who had a distinctly fetishistic enthusiasm for beards. She used to take extreme closeup photos of my beard and touched and kissed it much more than my lips. She was a lot of fun, but I think that I gained empathy for women who feel like men are engaged with only one aspect of their appearance, and not with the whole person.

I think I wrote before that I have had a beard continuously since 1975. It is well trimmed and appropriate for my job as a state administrator.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Long Distance Break up
Posted: 11/10/2008 1:16:05 PM
Long distance relationships are really hard. When I finished graduate school in my mid 20s, my gf and I faced the certainty that my career and her medical training would keep us in different parts of the world for 3 - 5 years, We knew that long distance relationships were hard, because other couples we knew had dealt unsuccessfully with the same issue. We decided that we would be open to staying together, but that we were both free to seek other people.

We both ended up marrying different people and both have had nice families and good lives, but we both acknowledge that we should have tried harder to stay together. I don't know if our relationship would have made it through, but we both believe that our relationship was the best either of us could ever have. Nearly 30 years later we both regret not trying to work it out. Sadly, getting together is not ethically possible now.

I would recommend being open to the possibility of continuing your relationship, and also to be realistic about the likelihood that you may not be able to pull it off. Be open with each other and try to communicate proactively and well. I have spent more than half of my life regretting that I did not try harder to preserve our relationship. Even though failure of the relationship is certainly a possibility, don't give up too easily under the cloak of sensibility. When and if it is time to give up, walk away knowing that you tried hard, and that you need not be haunted by the past.

Good luck!

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:09:05 AM
Safren makes an excellent point. I never felt at all that I was in an unequal relationship with my disabled partners. We may have differentiated our roles a little based on what I could do physically, but my partners contributed equally.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
How many guys or gals would consider dating a physically disabled person?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:07:37 AM
Yes, Safren made an excellent point. I never felt at all that I was in an unequal relationship with my disabled partners. We may have differentiated our roles a little based on what I could do physically, but my partners contributed equally.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 10/30/2008 5:52:19 AM
What a nice post, fritzle. I really appreciate your activism and advocacy.

People are never just one thing, and as you say, melanoma does not define you. Your activities illustrate who you are far better than a clinical label.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 307 (view)
 
Men over 45 and facial hair
Posted: 10/28/2008 7:15:18 AM
I have a well trimmed beard, and have had one since June of 1975. In my case anyway, it does not represent a middle-aged appearance change.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 89 (view)
 
where are the women with longhair
Posted: 10/28/2008 7:12:14 AM
Hair length certainly does not limit who I am attracted to, and I would never expect a woman to keep her hair a certain length or manipulate her appearance in any particular way simply because I like it. However, I love long hair on women. It absolutely makes me melt. My thanks and appreciation go out to all women with long hair, and my reassurances go women who do not have long hair that I appreciate other looks too.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 76 (view)
 
Would you date a cancer survivor
Posted: 10/28/2008 6:46:10 AM
I lived with a cancer survivor who lost her leg to bone cancer. It was a wonderful relationship, and I only wish that we had figured out how to navigate the shoals of a long distance relationship and married each other.

I would never rule out a relationship with a cancer survivor.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
How many guys or gals would consider dating a physically disabled person?
Posted: 10/27/2008 9:37:56 PM
As I said to a similar question: Sure I would. My relationships with women who had significant disabilities were warm, wonderful, and fulfilling. I am much more worried about defective character than with a body that looks or works differently.

Vive la différence!
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 10/27/2008 9:35:45 PM
Sure I would. My relationships with women who had significant disabilities were warm, wonderful, and fulfilling. I am much more worried about defective character than with a body that looks or works differently. Vive la différence!
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Should a disability be in a persons profile?
Posted: 10/27/2008 9:15:47 AM
It seems to me that the decision is completely the prerogative of the each individual, and that there is no right or wrong answer. I do think that both practical considerations and etiquette strongly favor revealing the fact that you have some sort of disability before meeting, or before too much time goes on. Only a little detail needs to be divulged. Sweet Alicya's proposal for example can be a good and even subtle method, and that can be done with a private photo.

I wish all of you the very best "fishing."
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Disabilities/Illness and Dating
Posted: 9/17/2008 6:52:35 AM
If it's helpful, you should know that not everyone is prejudiced against people with disabilities. I have had had relationships with women with significant disabilities, and all were warm and satisfying and, well, normal. Disability does not detract from personhood, although sometimes logistical issues such are care or money make life harder.

Good luck to you!

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Does it matter I had cancer in the past?
Posted: 9/16/2008 6:52:24 AM
I had a long and serious relationship with a woman who had lost her leg to bone cancer five years before we met. It was never a barrier in our relationship at all, though we both were always somewhat anxious when she had one of her periodic exhaustive examinations for recurrence. As we thought about marriage, we also worried about the likelihood that she could not become pregnant. But these were not divisive issues, but were just another intimate challenge that we shared- not that I could ever feel the fear and the burden like she did.

Almost 40 years after her treatment, she remains cancer-free.

People have many issues around cancer, and it plays out differently in every case. For us, cancer was not a wedge between us in any way.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
sex with disabled people?
Posted: 9/15/2008 1:17:46 PM
I have had relationships with women in wheelchairs and women with significant disabilities ot physical differences. While there may be a few logistical considerations, working out mechanics is just another interesting dimension of intimacy. It can even make you closer together.

My experience is that people with physical differences or disabilities are sensual and sexy to be with just like anyone else for whom you feel love and passion.

It's true: Meeting people with disabilities can be hard, as in public places they are often with other people, which makes it even harder to initiate a contact. (Readers are always welcome to contact me!)

I wish you the best of luck, megahertz.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 89 (view)
 
overweight women
Posted: 9/8/2008 10:21:07 AM
I don't mind overweight women at all, aesthetically. For me, it's just not a negative issue in itself. Overweight women are perfectly beautiful and sexy. Perception of beauty varies with time and between cultures. We don't all think the same way, and there is no absolute measure of beauty.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
How many guys or gals would consider dating a physically disabled person?
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:55:04 PM
I have had several relationships with women with significant disabilities. They were all been good relationships, and disabilities have never been a negative factor in a relationship. Indeed, I would say that it has normative for me to be with someone who is physically different or disabled.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Dating an amputee
Posted: 8/6/2008 8:41:32 AM
My own experience with amputees has been that they offer more, not less, PlanB. Vive la difference! As you say, it's all about what you have. I wish you productive fishing in good water.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Dating an amputee
Posted: 8/4/2008 11:57:47 AM
I have no doubt that dating is harder for people with disabilities, yet there are definitely people out there who would welcome someone with disabilities into their hearts. Most of the women I have loved, starting with my first middle school girlfriend, have had some type of physical difference or disability. I regret none of these relationships. and believe that I have been much more fortunate in love than most people.

Sometimes people who like you will be shy, so it is fine to take a little risk and be the one to take the first step. I know that can be hard.

I wish you the best of luck, and send you and others with disabilities or differences the best of encouragement.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 178 (view)
 
GUYS, do you like seeing ur girlfriend masturbating??
Posted: 7/24/2008 11:37:25 AM
Yes, I like it very much. It arouses me powerfully.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
men what do you think of??
Posted: 7/23/2008 8:07:31 AM
It would be fine with me. I much prefer to have my head closer to her head, and really like time spent face to face. It feels like there is more real person to person communication that way.

Why do some of the posters make such quick judgments about other people's preferences?

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 114 (view)
 
ugly boobs
Posted: 7/20/2008 9:07:11 PM
Saggy is just fine with me. Saggy breasts area beautiful, they are sexy, and they feel very, very nice. Large nipples or large areolas are particularly wonderful. The great variety of shapes and sizes and textures of women's breasts are part of the attraction to me, and bearing children only makes women more feminine and beautiful.

Be the person you wish to be, and enjoy who you are: the choice must come from inside you. But don't assume that guys will find you undesirable!
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 538 (view)
 
Long hair on older women
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:56:52 PM
I would never tall a woman how to wear her hais. and I think that there are lots of good solutions for any individual. However, I love long hair always, and don't think that there is anything at all wrong with women who have long hair at any age. I think that it looks just terrific. I particularly liked dreamgirl's answer, that it is both practical and that men never object to it.

-Gray
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 36 (view)
 
wheelchair users??????
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:58:00 AM

ok right im in a wheelchair and have been all my life why is it so hard to find someone that will love me 4 who i am ?

why is it we get treated like crap?




I discussed this thread with a friend who has been in a wheelchair all his life. He basically told me that my own enthusiasm and experience of relationships with people in chairs was more irritating than helpful to hear, and he agreed with the OP that he is mostly "treated like crap." "Telling her that you are not prejudiced and God's gift to disabled women will not make her happier, especially since you are already taken. There's no way she can confirm it anyway."

His recommendation was to avoid worrying about the "why" and try to find dates from classes of people who have had life experience with people with disabilities, and who might be less inclined to be prejudiced on the average.

I have noticed that he gets dates these days pretty often, although he hasn't found Ms. Right yet.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 35 (view)
 
wheelchair users??????
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:38:32 AM
The Wikipedia has a good if lengthy discussion of trolls.

wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Ph.d boasting
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:12:02 PM
I agree that intimidated may not be the right word, but it can certainly be a barrier that reduces the likelihood that some people will talk to me. I grew up in a community and a family where many did not complete high school, and college for kids my community in the late 70s was not the norm. I suspect that plenty of people here would be less likely to contact me because of assumptions they may make about my approachability.

I worked my way through college and grad school.

" I don't mention my graduate degrees in my profile because I would not want someone with much less education to feel intimidated about talking to me. "
==================
Not to pick on any one person, but THIS attitude--that someone would be "intimidated" by you having enough money to go to college, is a ridiculous statement. Show of hands: Is anyone out there "intimidated" by another's education?
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
wheelchair users??????
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:09:26 AM
Of course I would date a wheelchair user. Using a wheelchair per se is simply not at all a barrier. I have gone out with and lived with women who use a chair full time or occasionally.
 guyot
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Ph.d boasting
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:43:26 AM
Having a doctorate tends to be a social barrier. I don't mention my graduate degrees in my profile because I would not want someone with much less education to feel intimidated about talking to me. My mother never went to college and my father only completed the equivalent of 8th grade, although both of them are very smart. I grew up in a working class family and am comfortable with all sorts of people.
 
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