|Is this normal?|
Posted: 12/17/2008 1:37:39 PM
|Is this normal? In other words, is it according to the "norm" of local/national society (USA)? To answer that, we need the statistics on how many couples, having small children, close the bedroom doors at night during intercourse. Naturally we don't have that statistics, not even Kinsey thought of that as far as i know. My guess is that most people do have sex even if their kids are in the same house. I know of even ultra conservative religious people who do that, but I guess a small minority never have sex in the same house as the kids are habitating. This is probably a small minority, maybe 5% or less, probably less than 1% even.|
So lets say 95% have sex in the same house as the kids are sleeping. Now it all depends on how they have sex, there are lots of ways of having sex of course. You can do it discreetly, barely making a sound (yeah, its possible) and you can do it the loud way. You can make arrangements to be quiet (like getting a bed that does not squeek that much) and you can do it the quickest way possible to minimize the chances of being heard. It also depends on how visible the act is - if you stay completely under the sheets (except for the heads) then the child might not understand whats going on at all - remember that the child probably is quite tired and kind of confused if it wakes up in the middle of the night and walks to the parents bedroom seeking some comfort.
It also depends on the state of the child - whether it is sick or well, how the sleeping pattern of the child is, and that depends on the hour of the night. Most children enter a deep sleep the first couple of hours or so, and then enter a lighter phase afterwards. It also depends on the weather, if it is story or rainy, then the child might wake up easily. It also depends on the moon phase, at full moon everyone sleeps lighter for instance. It also depends on lots of other different factors affecting the life of the child, whether it feels safe and secure at home and so on.
It all depends on the totality of the situation really.
So if you are both on the floor, in front of the bed, you shagging her from behind, she screaming like mad approaching climax, with the door wide open and all lights on in the bedroom and the hall, and the kid is sleeping in the next room with that door open too, well then we can say for sure that it is not a situation where you are in control of the impression the kid would get, should it suddenly show up.
But, on the other hand, if you are both under the sheets, you are lying behind her comfortably, just going slowly and silently on, the room is dark, the hall is dark, the door is barely open, the door to the childs room is closed, the house is silent and you are pretty silent too, and you have a remote listener to the childs room and will get alerted if it wakes up.... then it's a quite different situation. Do you see that?
Do you see the difference between these two scenarios? Of course you do, sorry for asking.
Now, generally I would not recommend taking a new man into the house if she has a child, until she knows that this is something very serious. That is because the child gets attached to a new man very fast - the world of the child is quite small, and one new person entering the safe and protected space of home might have a great impact on the child. One meeting only, the child might remember and talk about that man for months and even years.
If the child is rock solid in its sleeping patterns, and all things seem to be secured, and the man can enter and leave without risk of being observed by the child, then it's bordering on "safe", but why take that risk? If the need for sex is so great, that one is willing to take such a risk (and the risk is there because she is not certain on the guy and their relationship, whether it will be them for the future) then it makes me wonder a bit. If the need really is a need for comfort, she can get that without sex - yeah it is possible, of course. If she desperately needs to climax (cough) then she can fix that herself if she have to. If she desperately needs to have sex with this guy on their first date, and it has to be at her place where the child is, well then she is desperate.
And people get desperate - I'm not gonna judge them for that. Hey, we have all been desperate some time or two. Those that are perfect should take a look in the mirror. OK, so there are lots of reasons to be desperate in this world where the media is overflowing with fearful stuff. Hey, we are a society addicted to fear - some women might even take a guy home for sex, with the kids next door, just for the rush of fear - "what if we get discovered?" I know, it sounds crazy, but this is reality for a lot of people. Not necessarily taking the guy home for sex, but the search for various kicks and rushes of adrenaline - they think they feel more alive then. Somehow. Those people need to find the antidote to fear, and that is disconnecting from the ego and acting from their true Selves, that is without judgement, without trying to gain superiority over others, without provoking separation and distrust, and without the addiction to trying to control fear by coming up with all that might possibly go wrong.
But that's a different matter altogether, and way to much to cover for now.
Wish you all a nice day!