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 Author Thread: If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 250 (view)
 
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 11/4/2014 5:55:06 PM
Thanks, Wooby: wonderful to hear!
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 238 (view)
 
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 11/2/2014 9:56:34 AM
WOW!

On the one hand? It's hard ----- very hard ---- to believe that this thread has generated 11 pages' worth of responses.
On the other hand? That it has generated 11 pages' worth of responses only serves to heighten my already ever-increasing sense that it is just plain harder to find LTR when one is over 45. (and probably even when one is over 40).

But hope springs eternal nevertheless. And so ". . . we beat on, boats against the current. . . ". (F. Scott Fitzgerald)

P.S. As a longtime sometime more time than I ever thought possible member of World Single, I would like to add that a few of my "oldtime forum friends" seem to have found that LTR. Soooooo happy 4 you! (anyone hear from "Forum Filly" lately? :)
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 43 (view)
 
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/19/2014 4:57:09 PM
OP,

You don't mention this "proposer's" age. If he's not at least a decade (or two) older, he may be intending to save his "real" fishing efforts for someone at least a decade (or two) younger than he. Because, after all, he looks, thinks, and acts much much younger than his real age. Nonetheless, where you're concerned, until he gets His Big Catch, he's figuring that he's got nothing to lose by keeping his rod dangling in your part of the pond because, "What the heck. She just may bite."
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Light Sensitivity & Concussion - Asking help from the 10-20%?
Posted: 9/29/2014 8:15:14 PM
Sorry. Yes. ER dx. concussion -- CAT scan normal. Dx. confirmed by a concussion specialist. Follow up visit w/ neuro-opthalmologist showed no opthalmological/neurological damage. Light sensitivity like apparently other concussion symptoms can go away in days. Or take months to a year. I posted this to get some feedback from any others who have experienced this. Light sensitivity is the major challenge. (and yes: he's been wearing sunglasses although flourescent lights along with streetlights at night are sometimes even more uncomfortable than sunlight. It's been a tough 7 weeks. . . Thanks again for any sharing.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Soccer Concussion
Posted: 9/28/2014 9:22:38 AM
Help! Would greatly appreciate hearing from anyone who has had a concussion that caused light sensitivity? It's been 7 weeks since heading a soccer ball caused a mild headache. He sat out for 5 minutes, went back into the (recreational) game for an hour, went to work for a week, and then shut down for a week. No screens period. Unfortunately the light sensitivity continues. And he's a student who has to keep up with readings. Other than the readings, he's off screens as much as possible. Overall, there's been no improvement.

Nobody has any definitives although 80-90% of the time light sensitivity goes away within 2 weeks. For those of you who are in the 10-20% category, how long did your light sensitivity last? Any thoughts on why it finally went away? Hopefully it did? Any lasting symptoms?

Thanks so much!
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Light Sensitivity & Concussion - Asking help from the 10-20%?
Posted: 9/28/2014 8:41:40 AM
Help! Would greatly appreciate hearing from anyone who has had a concussion that caused light sensitivity? It's been 7 weeks since heading a soccer ball caused a mild headache. He sat out for 5 minutes, went back into the (recreational) game for an hour, went to work for a week, and then shut down for a week. No screens period. Unfortunately the light sensitivity continues. And he's a student who has to keep up with readings. Other than the readings, he's off screens as much as possible. Overall, there's been no improvement.

Nobody has any definitives although 80-90% of the time light sensitivity goes away within 2 weeks. For those of you who are in the 10-20% category, how long did your light sensitivity last? Any thoughts on why it finally went away? Hopefully it did? Any lasting symptoms?

Thanks so much!
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 396 (view)
 
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 8/22/2014 1:13:13 PM
Dear Cindy and Tsar (Ladies first for some of us 45+ers, Tsar),

Get a room, for goodness (or otherwise) sake!
And then consider doing the ALS ice bucket challenge. Guaranteed to cool you down, make you feel good, and put many many many (albeit not all) "things" you've shared in perspective.

xoxoxo (an ALS widow)
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 324 (view)
 
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 8/19/2014 8:28:44 AM

I don't view the other gender as an enemy I view the divorce laws as the problem. I would be very willing to commit to the right lady for the rest of my life. I'm just not entering a contract with the state to do so. . . . in general I don't see it as a gender problem it is a legal problem.


Nailed it. My sentiments exactly. Which is why under the current divorce laws --prenup or no prenup --remarriage is from a totally practical point of view has for those of us 50+ little/no merit. Moreover,the risk/rewards of remarriage ----- again speaking practically --- increase as our ages increase making remarriage for the elderly an act which flies in the face of financial/emotional/physical security. The exception to all of this happens when two 45+ adults bring equal assets into a remarriage. But then again, who can define "equal"?


If either of us cares more about preserving or gaining assets than the welfare of the other, then that person’s focus is on assets instead of the other person. If the relationship (with that particular person) isn't a priority for both of us, then the relationship is already failing, and in that case, I wouldn’t marry.


The above certainly makes sense. And I was of your ilk. Until a remarriage. To a sociopath. Who stole 6 figures' worth of social security benefits left to my two young children after their father's death. The legal system allowed this thief to get away free and clear. Because I'd married him. Had I simply lived with him, he'd have been sent to jail for 5-10 years. But as my legal spouse, he walked. Granted, only about 5% of the population is comprised of sociopaths. But what percent of the population suffers from severe depression, alcoholism, pain-med addiction, PTSD (most specifically but not limited to Vietnam War Vets who experience debilitating bouts of PTSD decades after their time in the military?) and other health issues that literally alter their brain chemistry making them not the persons they were?
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 290 (view)
 
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 8/12/2014 7:30:15 AM

I really get tired of men over 60 not dating their age!


Not so much "tired." More like "incredulous" at what is pretty darn close to "fact" (for anyone capable of processing what she has experienced directly and read courtesy of others) that men 60+ not only don't date their age but absolutely rule out the possibility of even getting to know a woman their own age. LOL: there's a very intelligent, articulate gentleman on this very forum whose age cut off is 55. This means I couldn't even privately message him if I were so inclined. And while he has validated several points in manner that is just plain feel good nice, I'm unable to contact him. He will never get to know the 60 year old woman behind the computer whose posts he appreciates. In my mind that represents a potential loss for him. But I do respect that he has to be who he is. Even as I never have been and never will be able to empathize with his position on this topic. And truth be told, a part of me does understand it. I suppose it's kindof like expecting someone to love steamed spinach with feta cheese because you do.


Guys 60+ will date women in their 60s-they just won't marry them


Well then, there's hope for most of the single confident, financially secure, physically fit, intelligent, women I know who have solid retirements, have raised self-supporting children who are now grown adults of integrity, survived deaths/losses/divorces of what were for decades loving happy marriages, dug down deeper than they ever thought capable not only to survive but to live independently by working harder, budgeting more carefully, and eating/working out healthfully as a way 0f life. Because none of these women feel that remarriage at their st/age has any merit whatsoever for what they're seeking: one good man capable of giving and receiving love, including hers:)
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 402 (view)
 
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/9/2014 11:01:52 AM

A Younger, More NATURAL (caps mine) You". "Reshape with SmartLipo!". Natural my azz. Women beat up men for pursuing the youth (or falsified look thereof) that they pursue themselves. Women beat up men for pursuing the youth (or falsified look thereof) that they pursue themselves.


"Your_Move," your message is very thought-provoking and really resonates for singles in our age group. Sortof a "chicken and egg" conundrum involving dating appearance vs. dating reality it would seem. . . .

To illustrate, how about if we consider 45+ hair. In seeking to recapture their lost hair follicles, men (and the women who support this expenditure) spend something like 100 times that spent by ALS researchers. Truly. What can be said about such a statistic? More $$$ on "cures" for baldness than for a disease so insidiously relentlessly terminal that doctors dread dx. it more than any other with zero meds to halt its progression equal to a certain death for 80% within 18 -36 months? As for women's expenses on "coloring the grey"? I can't begin to guess what hair coloring products & services total annually. Probably enough to feed the hungry in any small US city. And yet forum threads on baldness and grey hair abound, each loaded with compelling thoughts of every mindset many articulately expressed.

At some point -------- and who is to say what exactly is that point ------ each of us will draw a line on our own personal beach. All non-physical attributes considered equal, who is more attractive for a 45+ man: a 50 year old woman for whom silicone breast implants and botox facial injections have left her looking a decade younger than her age which her profile says is 40 or one who has had none of these cosmetics and looks a decade younger courtesy of genes and lifestyle with a profile age of 50?

Is it any wonder that in Dating World 45+ it is harder to meet other people in their 50's?
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 398 (view)
 
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/8/2014 4:48:12 AM

how many of the women you're talking about - the "now single 45+ women of beauty, grace, intellect, practical means, and accomplishment who are still very much alive and kicking with open arms and hearts" - are the same women that turn their noses up at a guy who is only 2" taller than them, because they can't wear their 4" heels with them?


The women I'm talking about haven't worn 4 inch heels in decades. Some since high school. However, as honest women, they'd probably be willing to confess to a closet (or two) containing more than a few breadbaskets filled with Nike Air Pegasus 28's, 29, and 30's (has anyone tried the 31's yet?) in a variety of hues. Except when hiking. Then nothing beats Merrell Moab Mid Gore-Tex in baby blue or blush. And for those little black dress affairs? Sandals. In strappy shades of Ecco leather. A woman can dance all night in 'em. And go home with her dancing shoes -- still on her feet:)
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 392 (view)
 
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/7/2014 2:44:15 PM

I'm thinking that when you were younger you didn't bat an eye at the idea of dating a man who was a decade (or more) older than you.


You're thinking is incorrect: every boy and man I dated, and all "the guys I've loved before" (including one of the loves of my life who passed away of an incurable terminal illness in his early 40's) were within 3 years of my age.




I do know that when I was younger, I liked men who were 10 years older because they tended to be less volatile.


Can't comment on the above. However, the more I see/hear/read/learn, the more humbly grateful I am that no man from my casual dating to LTR experience has ever been of that ilk. And I do mean "humbly" --- because many loving honorable women and men have not been so fortunate in this regard.




So if a woman can view a man's age relative to herself as some kind of an asset, then I don't know why men can't do exactly the same thing


This question speaks spot on to the crux of my befuddlement: I neither view a man's age relative to myself as an asset of any kind nor have a clue as to why anyone --- again, male or female --- would. But I am coming to appreciate that others do not share my sensibilities.




As I see things our preferences, both male and female, are inherent and exist due to evolution. We all want to mate with the best possible candidate. I date (much) younger because in general I find younger women more attractive than older women and I can find younger women to date.


Thank you, "L2D," for sharing this. And I do appreciate that beauty is in the eye of the beholder . So you are saying that "younger" represents "more attractive" for you just as "taller" may represent "more attractive" for someone else.
And now you've got me thinking that maybe the question I should be pondering is: Does a woman's (or man's) age in itself automatically render her/him "less attractive" to the point where any/all other "attractive" qualities s/he possesses are moot? And if so, why?



Why are some very well-expressed, accomplished and confident women so bitter?

Before responding, I want to say that the lady who has written the above and the rest of the excerpts below is one for whom I hold in the highest regard as a most insightful articulate and genuine longtime forum contributor, & i hope that my response comes across with all respect due to her accordingly! To continue:
IMO, what may well be perceived as a bitter tone, frequently serves as a defense/coping mechanism. Because there are so many well-expressed, accomplished, confident, stunningly beautiful women 45+ who have come into this dating pool with the capacity to give and receive long term love. And a decade (or two or three) what they have to offer seems to be devalued --------- far and away more often than not ------ because they are 45+. This can initially confusing or perplexing, and eventually downright consternating. And this is not to take a potshot at "L2D," whose willingness to be open on such a sensitive topic I value whether/not I will ever understand or appreciate his sentiments.




Is your whole perception of your own value totally tied up in being pair-bonded? Do you really regard your life and your personhood as valueless


Not at all to both questions.




because you don't have that almighty seal of social approval-a "Significant Other"?

I'd be one of the last persons on the planet to regard "social approval" as a seal of any sort, let alone an "almighty" one. In fact i might regard it as the contrary!

So while I do validate that for teenagers the above is all too often the case, I truly believe that for most people our age, the desire to find love stems from a very strong sense of self worth. We are blessed to be at the point in our lives where we now have the time and means that allow us to can look back a little and feel good about the living and loving that has made us Who We Are. There are so many now single 45+ women of beauty, grace, intellect, practical means, and accomplishment who are still very much alive and kicking with open arms and hearts. They have loved and been loved. Is it not only natural that keep on believing they will have it again?




But I am not going to regard myself as somehow valueless because I'm not currently paired up.

Being paired up has nothing to do with a person's value. And everything to do with a kind of sweetness and beauty that some of us feel blessed to have had. And hopeful to have again even as we are becoming increasingly aware that the odds may well not be in our favor. Whether this all adds up to confusing or confounding, it's ultimately just that simple:)
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 379 (view)
 
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/6/2014 10:10:46 AM

This accurately discloses how things are. Ready, you are perceptive and you express your thoughts well.

In my late teens and early twenties women near my age were age appropriate. At 61 women at least ten years younger than me are age appropriate. I find dating younger women is natural and very easy to do. I meet them everywhere. I never come on strong. I wait for them to at least give me a hint they are interested. Some approach me. Life is good.


Dear "Like2Dance" and All Other Gents w the above sensibilities on this topic (IMO "The Vast Majority of Y'all"),

Thank you for your kind words regarding my perception of this topic and the ability to express my thoughts. Since your profile precludes my contacting you directly, I'm hoping the following will be construed as relevant to most on this forum topic. (If not, it will likely get deleted before you even have the chance to read it, but I digress).

So here goes:
Very back at you on your capacity to go deep and to express your thoughts. Moreover, I'm pretty sure that like myself the vast majority of the women on this forum would truly appreciate that you are willing even to address the issue head on and engage in this dialogue makes you a the rare exception in a dating pool where the typical physically fit, financially secure, emotionally available men are simply unable/willing to do so.

The above noted, can you share anything else to help the women like me understand why
at 61 women at least ten years younger than me are age appropriate.
but that under no circumstances is the same true for women your own age.

Certainly, given what you have to offer (taking you on faith as having a lot to offer:)
{quote] dating younger women is natural and very easy to do .

The question remains, why are we automatically excluded from your dating pool? And yes: if as many have offered, "height" is to "male potential" as "age is to "female potential" some women will indeed automatically exclude a man shorter than they .
But I can't help but wonder if the former is more often the case than the latter.

Thanks for any reply you'd care to make:)
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 360 (view)
 
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/5/2014 12:15:14 PM

Ready Real nailed it in messages 425 and 429. That is just exactly how it is!

So, in honoring forum rules and addressing all gentlemen who currently share "Like2Dance's" sensibilities on the above messages, the practical me is thinking, "Is he simply attempting to validate what i've posted in #425 and #429?"

However. The romantic in me is thinking, "Ya never know. For those of us ladies who have to offer those "things" well in the ballpark of Like2Dance's stated "desireables" in women -- save their birth years --- maybe he has just posted the above because he's sincerely ruminating upon the meaning in my messages. Gee. Maybe he's even reconsidering that there are women his own age who may well be his physical, intellectual, financial, and spiritual complements AND whose


value as a person has gone up, simply based on what [they have] learned in life, [and] the character and personality [they've] developed


I guess i won't know until/unless you expand your profile's upper age restrictions and allow some of us to respond to your profile and test your waters:)


I am accustomed to mostly dating women in their early to mid forties I am willing to try up to fifty five [/quote)
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 353 (view)
 
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/5/2014 5:04:16 AM

I learned pretty quickly that my own value as a woman has plummeted as I creeped into middle age, so what else is there to do but stop dating? One can only endure so much of this.


This is a valid statement far far more often than any of us 45+ "adults" cares to acknowledge. Denial permeates our dating scene. And the operative word is "scene." What we have "seen" when we look in the mirror does not in many ways reflect the true "scene" before our eyes. Women are just as subject to image denial as men: this is hardly a gender exclusive phenomenon. Anyone on Facebook has seen the hundreds of pictures posted daily. And the dozens of "likes" they receive from "friends." Some of these photographs reflect morbidly obese persons ---- both male and female. The males are wearing shirts that say, "Older men are hotter." Their shirts are 3 sizes too small that clearly reveal mounds and mounds of sagging protruding flesh hanging over their waistlines not by inches but by feet. The women are proudly displaying half their breasts which themselves are the size of cantaloupes in what can only be called a fascinating interpretation of what constitutes physical beauty and attractiveness. Dozens of "friends" post "comments" telling these men and women how "beautiful" they are.

Is it any wonder that the vast majority of the 50% of these "adults" who are single get on dating sites such as these and write profiles filled with declarations and demands? Declarations stating, "I look much much younger than my age. . . wo/men my age can't keep up with me. . . I am very physically active (which frequently translates in reality to "I can walk around my block without gasping for breath."). . . I am in excellent health (which frequently means, "I'm trying to quit smoking and only use my walker when I'm outside."

And so it goes. A generation of Baby Boomers living in denial. In denial about their retirement savings, their physical wellness, and their capacity to take an honest look at who they are.

Which in turn has left a generation of lonely middle aged adults. En route to what for many will be decades of lonely old age. And sadly but truly, most of these are absolutely capable of giving and receiving long term love. But you can't fight denial about biology.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 349 (view)
 
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/4/2014 9:21:19 AM

Maleness - I'm 49, never worshipped the sun nor was a brood mare for some dude to carry on his genetics so no saggy anything on me. Men in their 50s typically give up period. Santa Claus looking men, balding/no hair with leather skin on their face and 9 -month pregnant looking guts have no appeal to me. Please point out the women who would be turned on to this.


Bingo.

And the above is the way of romance opportunities for lovely, loving, financially secure, physically healthy, intelligent woman who are 49.

At 59, a woman can:
---be well educated and reasonably intelligent;
-- be blessed with excellent health, capable of maintaining a very active lifestyle and has continued to work at remaining healthy by not taking that good health for granted;
--own her own home, have a solid retirement, have zero debt, and is happy to pay her own way as an equal partner;
--- have raised her children to be courteous, responsible adults themselves living a healthful lifestyle and well educated gainfully employed and off on their own;
--- hear on a regular basis, "you look beautiful";
---with open arms sustain a long term relationship as both a friend and a lover and continue to keep her heart open to just this

It doesn't matter a hill of beans. She is almost universally considered a decade (or more) too old for men her own age. Which leaves men her mother's age. Unless she "gets lucky" and some man her own age fitting the above description (and is also medically challenged with diabetes, severe emphysema, liver damage, an STD, asexual or a medically dx. "non-responder" unable to maintain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse) does what he clearly considers to be an act of tremendous kindness. And writes to her indicating that he's interested in getting to know her.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 336 (view)
 
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/31/2014 8:40:26 AM

How many female stars who are 50 and older have the same amount of sex appeal as when they were a lot younger-especially among women who have never had plastic surgery, botox treatments, or any other beauty treatments or procedures?


Probably slightly more than there are male stars. However, few of these have the good fortune to be loved by a man their own age regardless of how well-matched/highly compatible on paper are their physical, emotional, and spiritual attributes.

Because male stars 45+ typically want women a decade ----or more -- younger. As do everyday ordinary men who are physically fit, financially secure, and intellectually compatible with the women their age.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 229 (view)
 
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 7/22/2014 9:29:24 PM
WOW! SimpleIsNotEasy, that is some story.

And yet it all rings true. Logical and real given our age and stage of life.

It was different when we all were young and had nothing but love the first time around. We got married, worked 5 jobs, saved to buy our first decent car, then saved to buy a house, then started to pay off student loans, then saved to have our first baby, and little by little fix up our first house, then saved for the baby's education, and all the while living on hard work -------- and young love. It wasn't easy. But then again, we had nothing to lose except each other. Love was really the only "thing" we really had. Our furniture was the leftover stuff from our parents' attics/basements, our car speedometers were well over 100,000, and the big splurge was dinner out at Ponderosa for the salad bar with the sirloin tips coupon for 50 cents extra:)

We've spent 4 or 5 decades since then. And for whatever reason here we all are. Alone.
But now we have our possessions for which we have worked hard all our lives. We mostly live frugally. We take care of what we have managed to acquire. Because we know in today's economy our retirements and 401K's can turn on a dime and go "Poof". And we also are only too well aware that we are no longer the 20 year olds who used to work a day job, come home, grab a sandwich, and then run off to our night jobs. We are no longer the 25-35 year olds who worked our day jobs and stayed up nights with 2AM feedings, teething babies, and toddlers with chicken pox. We fall asleep on our recliners the second we sit down on them if we do so a minute after 9 PM. And in the morning we wonder what the heck we did all night in our sleep because our shoulders (or backs or ???) feel as if somebody ran over them with a cement mixer. In short we have everything to lose. And the last thing we need is to have somebody take half of it -------- or more than half of it ----- in some messy nasty divorce/palimony case.

We're older. We're wiser. We know what we know about life. And people. Not all people. But many people.
And that is simply reality. Reality that bites.

Still we hold on to the dream. Because otherwise. . .
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Dating and Medical Issues
Posted: 7/22/2014 1:46:11 PM
By the way I'm not 7' I don't want to meet anyone on POF I come here only for the forums.


????? Your profile -- from my computer screen -- lists you as someone 7' who "wants someone to marry"?

 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Dating and Medical Issues
Posted: 7/20/2014 7:46:26 PM

What are you talking about? I don't have a weight issue . . . There are preventative measures in life that you can take now to avoid health concerns in the future.


I'm wondering if you've proof-read your profile? It lists you as a BBW who is 7 feet tall. Certainly both of these are very high risk factors for health concerns sooner than later once one is 45+?

As for me, yes: I'd like to know upfront about someone's health challenges. If, for example, a profilee posts a photo of himself from the waist up, is he a paraplegic? This has happened to me. Twice. Nothing in either gentleman's profile indicated that he was a paraplegic. We exchanged a few e-mails, and in one case (earlier in my experience w/ online dating) talked on the phone several times. It was enough to develop mutual interest. And then he told me he is a paraplegic. Which led to very mixed emotions on my part, but as with the choice not to become involved with a smoker, it is also a choice not to become involved with a paraplegic. I would greatly have appreciated the chance to know this from the getgo. JMO.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 133 (view)
 
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 7/3/2014 9:08:54 AM
P.S. It's been a while since my last membership in our forum pond, but whatever happened to the "edit" tab for forum writers? I did try to edit the above to make it read a bit more succinctly, but no "edit" option could I find. Thanks!
 Ready_Real
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 132 (view)
 
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 7/3/2014 8:58:50 AM

Maybe I misread your comment, but are you saying I should have committed to this loser? Gaud!

And the last comment was about comparing guys who turn out to be strapped for money, vs. those who've built up some equity. You'd be surprised how many guys are on these free dating sites, who build quite a nice profile, and when you start to get to know them, they're struggling with a job, or living only on social security, can't afford travel. I've had some impressive dinner dates, and then when I went to visit their home, found cabinets falling off the wall, another had no sinks in the bathroom. Eventually, I have found some guys who are at least not expecting me to pick up the dinner tab. And it's not a thing where I'm taking advantage of their money, it's because it's made clear by the guy I've dated, I'm not to bring out my money, even though they know I can afford it. Gentlemanliness still exists.


Please don't hesitate to clarify any misinterpretation on my part. Because I certainly hope I'm misunderstanding what you're saying above. It would appear that you are equating "guys on free dating sites" who are "struggling with a job" with "loser[s]"?

Lady. Methinks thee needs to get thee a reality check. This is the USA in 2014. It is NOT the decade of the majority of American males [aka "middle class Caucasian men" for the purposes of this post to be referred to by the acronym MCCM). Indeed, it has not been the decade of opportunity for MCCM of any age -------- from the college-educated student-loan-saddled 20-somethings to the displaced union workers laid off a year before their pension benefits were set to kick in. This all translates to a seriously economically-challenged group of MCCM. Most of them as deserving of love romantic as any human deserves to love and be loved. Increasing numbers of them so economically strapped that love romantic has become a "luxury" which they can no longer afford. Seriously? How can they afford to take a woman out for dinner when they are 28, working two 39 hour minimum wage jobs (neither with retirement or employer-paid health benefits), and coming home from work to sleep in their basement apartments (if they're lucky) or their parents' basement apartments, eat, and receive their student loan delinquency notices? And more relevant to this 45+ forum, how can they at 60 years old afford a "vacation getaway" with a physically fit and personable 45+ woman when their employers of the past 29 years have just laid them off effectively reducing/or worse cutting out their pension and health benefits, and/or they still making payments related to their divorce agreements?

Between the so-called global economy which (for reasons so complex I won't begin to presume to say I understand), and a quagmire of diversity in the workplace quotas, the American labor force is increasingly filled with Indian, Chinese, and numerous other foreign workers ------- many of whom are here in the USA with visas/green cards but nonetheless replacing American citizens (more often than not males) on the job. Additionally, diversity mandates handcuff employers. They are literally required to fill the few available jobs with workers meeting very specific criteria ---------------- virtually none of which include Caucasian males of any age. Unless these Caucasian males have undergone sex changes in which case they can and do have a chance at employment under diversity mandates on behalf of transgenders.

Where does all of the above leave the majority of gentlemen on this dating site or on any other dating site in the USA? In between a financial rock and a dating hard place.

My advice to you, OP, is to do some reading about where America's middle class males are today. And be very very grateful that you are one of America's more fortunate middle class females. Now, mind you, I'm certainly not advising you to become involved with someone living in penury. Reality is what reality is.

Understand, however, that at your age, the odds are already not in your favor when it comes to finding real deal romantic love with a gentleman of the same age with similar socio-economic standing relatively similar to your own. On this score, you are not alone: it simply is what it is. What you decide to do about it is of course your call.
But to call a man battling cancer anyone less than a "gentleman" (specifically I do believe the word is "loser") because his living quarters are not up to your standards, and his disposable income cannot accommodate paying for your date is IMO not something to be emulated by single women your age anytime or anyplace. Including the likes of me.
 
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