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 Author Thread: Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
 duffy_ty
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/25/2009 4:37:51 AM
I think that looks are important to a certain extent. I get so many e-mails that start like "Wow! you're hot!! love that smile" If I was fat and ugly and full of wrinkles I don't think they would have sent the e-mail. The problem is they fall for me so fast without getting to know me. That really scares me. Because you can't fall in love with a picture. The personality is far more important. It's the personality that brings out the looks. I've met drop dead gorgeous guys that the minute they open their mouth you become ugly. I've met average looking guys that turn into gorgeous men when you get to know their personality.

Then again I met guys that were so much fun on the phone but when I met them in person, I lost interest.

I guess what I'm trying to say they are both important, personality being on top, looks second.
 duffy_ty
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/25/2009 4:32:17 AM
Do you think we just might be spending too much time in here writing back and forth. Really don't want to spend all my time writing and writing and writing. Maybe after the first letter you should take the initiative to meet up for coffee, then decided if you're a match or not.

I think a lot of us are spending too much time living in the virtual world.

I compare the virtual world to the planet Uranus. Real men are from Mars. They don't sit around writing back and forth. They want to meet that woman. So all you guys out there if you're interested write a letter or two and then make a date to meet in person. You may have lost that special person because you didn't askher ot.
 duffy_ty
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How (not?) to end a relationship
Posted: 9/24/2009 8:58:45 PM
I can fully relate to your story.

In May 1976, I was invited over to a friend's house. She was setting me up on a blind date. I met the guy and deep down, I said to myself, "He's not for you Darlene". He walked me home, I said good night. When he got home he called me right away. We talked for a bit on the phone. He was a nice, so easy to talk.

The next day he's at my door early in the morning. What the heck!!! He borrowed his friend's car and drove me to work. Wow!! I didn't have to take the bus. That afternnon, he shows up at my work with his friend's car and dries me home. Ok I'm impressed this guy is easy to talk to and nice. Hmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!

This goes for over a week. One day right after lunch a large bouquet of flowers comes into my office. The driver says, Is there a Darlene D****r in this office. WHAT!! flowers for me. Nobody has ever sent me flowers.

Well this went on for several months and yes even though I did not want to have anything to do with this guy I fell head over heels in love with him. Three months after we met, he moved in, 3 months later he proposed to me. Wow!! I'm getting married. We have 3 wonderful children. It seems every year our love for each other grows stronger and stronger. We had a lot of ups and downs. But I loved him unconditionally. There was nothing he could do wrong. He loved me, he cared for me, I was a lucky woman. This went on for 30 years. The love was just as strong as in the beginning and sometimes even stronger. That man spoiled me and gave the world, not in materialistic stuff, but in his heart.

One day on June 28, 2007, I come home from work, and my daughter is there waiting for me. What the heck is she doing there. I walk into the family room and the furniture is gone. I run upstairs, and all his belongings are gone. I run into the office and his computer and desk are gone. I see a note on my keyboard. It was letter ending our marriage. I fall to the floor, screaming, no,no, no. I cried all night, and yes I'm still crying.

That was the most devestating day in my life. It was like a cop had come to the house and said, "your husband got killed in car crash". I don't get it, the night before we were holding hands watching "The Waltons" . Of all shows, THE WALTONS!!!! A show full of compassion and love for each other. After the show we went to bed together, in the morning he woke up, showered and drressed for work like he always did, and gave me his goodbye kiss, I'll see you tonight dear!!! Have a good day. I Love you!! And then I come home from work and he's gone.

I had panic attacks, anxiety attacks, I read all the self help books to try and figure what I did wrong, how I could have been a better person. I prayed for God to bring him back. I lost 20 lbs in a month. Didn't eat or sleep for 3 months. I was like a different person. Even a single man I barely know came up to me in August 07 and said, It's not worth it. I looked at him and said "You don't what happened so how can you say that.

Yes I'm finally getting over what he did to me. I'm not there yet but doing much better.

You're not angry yet but you will be. It's part of the LOVESHOCK one goes through when they loose someone they truly love that abandons them. The longer the relationship the longer it will take you to travel through your loveshock. Don't rush because you'll just get hurt again.

I feel your pain, mine MAY have been worse because of the years we were involved, the fact that we had kids together, BUT none the less it's very painful loosing someone you love.

I don't wish this upon anyone. Is love worth this.

D
 duffy_ty
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Games.....Broken Hearted....
Posted: 9/24/2009 4:19:21 PM
I totally understand how you're feeling. I was married for 30 years to a wonderful man. We were so much in love. We have 3 wonderful children. We still held hands and kissed and slept in the same bed until the night he abandoned me. I think that in the last 3 months of our marriage he met a rich woman who's husband died in a car accident that winter. It's been 2 1/2 years I'm still not over him and/or what he did to me. I'm getting better but it's very difficult. Just count yourself luck that it's only been 3 years. The longer you're with the person the longer it will take you to get over it. UNLESS of course you fell out of love before the marriage disolved.
 duffy_ty
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 164 (view)
 
The Game and its effectiveness
Posted: 9/24/2009 2:19:22 PM
If the person didn't read a book and just was himself, he wouldn't have to worry about the long term relationship.

Just be yourself. If you have to read a book and try then it will most definately fail.
 duffy_ty
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 163 (view)
 
The Game and its effectiveness
Posted: 9/24/2009 1:51:08 PM
It pains me reading this post. We women don't even know that we have these powers. Men allowed us to be that way. I was happily married for 30 years and found out after being abandoned he was tired of pleasing me. Now he is with a rich woman, she's not very attractive, on the fat side, smokes, drinks but he's happy with her. She's very masculin looking even in a dress.

So we may possess power to control in a silent way, but in the end men are still more powerful because one minute you can be there for us and the next you're gone. The better you are with us, the more pain you give that person when you leave. Trust me, been there and still hurting.
 duffy_ty
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 155 (view)
 
The Game and its effectiveness
Posted: 9/24/2009 7:30:28 AM
I get very confused about having to not ever say anything about the ex. He was 30 years of life. Do you not talk about your mom and dad! They were part of your life.

I think people need to understand that we're not kids anymore. We all have history behind us, a future ahead of us. It's the history behind us that created who you in the now.

If I'm with a guy and he wants to talk his ex, what did or didn't do, then I will listen.

As for the games people play, I don't get trapped into that easily. I can tell the good ones from the bad ones. Woman out there take your time and get to know the guy. If he's impatient, he'll walk away and you will have saved yourself the humility having to do it again and again and again.
 duffy_ty
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 154 (view)
 
The Game and its effectiveness
Posted: 9/24/2009 7:25:20 AM
Well I hope it works because I'm not falling for the Game. I'm after the apple on top of the tree, the ones that people aren't patient enough to wait for.

When you're too much in a hurry you pick them off the ground without realizing they already started to rot.
 duffy_ty
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Have you ever risked it when the pic just didn't do it for you?
Posted: 9/23/2009 10:41:39 PM
People have to be honest and post a recent picture of themselves. My picture is current and I have men at single's dances approach saying they know me, but they don't they just know the picture.

Sometimes though things can happen in your life that may change the photo.

So that everyone knows on September 2, 2009, i was cow kicked in the face by a horse. I lost 2 teeth and right now my mouth is wired shut. The healling is coming along really well. (I lost 12 lbs) I now weigh 88 lbs.

I'm not going to update my photo just yet. But i will be honest with people that I meet. It will take me a year before I'm fully recovered. The normal 8 weeks for the healing process and then any other work, wether dental or cosmetic will take up to a year.

I don't like it when someone doesnt' attach a photo. These men say they don't like looking at themselves so they don't have photo's.

The way I look at it the guy will be attracted to the photo. We all have someone out there who would just melt when looking at you. AND then some will pass you by because the picture did not appeal to them. I was told by my counsellor that I have to love myself first before I can fall for someone else. Especially after being abandoned by what I thought was the man that I was suppose to live with until death set us free. Now I'm just waiting for that special person that feels for me the same way I feel for them

Just be honest with yourself because if you're not you're the one who will get hurt.
 duffy_ty
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Have you ever risked it when the pic just didn't do it for you?
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:34:37 PM
Back in the good old days, when we were just wee little people starting out in the dating world, it was WYSIWYG. I was not attracted to my husband. He was a nerd, overweight, didn't look after himself. BUT we started dating and within 3 months we were madly love. It lasted 30 years and one day as quickly as he came into my life he walked out. I came home to a letter.

A nice picture, a beautiful face, that helps but in the end it's what's inside that counts. Those were the best 30 years of my life.

I hope one day I will have 30 more better years than what he gave me. Still looking. ;-)

Do you think I should go for the looks this time? I mean I went for what was inside just to severely injured by that person.
 duffy_ty
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Have you ever risked it when the pic just didn't do it for you?
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:29:00 PM
People have to be honest and post a recent picture of themselves. My picture is current and I have men at single's dances approach saying they know me, but they don't they just know the picture.

Sometimes though things can happen in your life that may change the photo.

So that everyone knows on September 2, 2009, i was cow kicked in the face by a horse. I lost 2 teeth and right now my mouth is wired shut. The healling is coming along really well. (I lost 12 lbs) I now weigh 88 lbs.

I'm not going to update my photo just yet. But i will be honest with people that I meet. It will take me a year before I'm fully recovered. The normal 8 weeks for the healing process and then any other work, wether dental or cosmetic will take up to a year.

I don't like it when someone doesnt' attach a photo. These men say they don't like looking at themselves so they don't have photo's.

The way I look at it the guy will be attracted to the photo. We all have someone out there who would just melt when looking at you. AND then some will pass you by because the picture did not appeal to them. I was told by my counsellor that I have to love myself first before I can fall for someone else. Especially after being abandoned by what I thought was the man that I was suppose to live with until death set us free. Now I'm just waiting for that special person that feels for me the same way I feel fo rthem

Just be honest with yourself as if you're not tou're the owne who will get hurt.
 
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