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 Author Thread: Am I the bad guy in this story?
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Am I the bad guy in this story?
Posted: 8/30/2012 5:52:40 PM
She sounds like a complete moron
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 8/27/2012 11:21:10 PM
If you want to find out if it'll go anywhere romantic, then you make your intentions clear. She's labeled it as a "friend" date (*shudder*) so you're already at a disadvantage, you're the "friend" in her eyes now. Maybe somebody she has a few laughs with or catches a movie with, but not somebody she will date. Make it known that this is NOT what you want. You do this through your actions and body language. If she is cold to subtle hints of physical contact, just move on, you're done.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Messaged by old coworker..
Posted: 8/27/2012 11:16:26 PM
"Meh, I don't think he's that interested in me or I him, I did answer him and he answered me but I think we're just going to have some friendly messages, possibly. Which is ok."

There you go! That's the attitude to go in with. Ruin any chance it'll work before you've even scratched the surface.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Meeting for first time
Posted: 8/27/2012 11:14:02 PM
Only way to get over it is to get the first few under your belt. It's completely different than dating somebody you already have a common thread or rapport with, but at the same time...it's exactly the same lol Just be yourself and either you guys will click or you won't. Have to have a few at-bats and strikeouts before you hit a homerun. Or maybe you'll hit a walk-off homerun in your first at-bat.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
nervous about meeting
Posted: 8/27/2012 11:07:24 PM
He wants to fly out to meet you (30 minute flight or not) and you haven't even talked on the phone? That would scare me. He seems either extremely desperate or like he's got a screw loose.

The only thing that would make this not extremely weird is if he is a pilot and flying is the same as driving to him. In that case it's actually pretty cool lol
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
She reminds me of my college crush
Posted: 8/27/2012 5:23:34 PM
You're attracted to what you're attracted to. If you think the ONLY reason you want to be with her is because she looks like your college crush, then it's pretty scummy to continue on. If you guys get along and she just happens to physically resemble somebody from your past, who cares? But ultimately it's up to you.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Marraige over... 2 beautiful kids... How will I find the strength :(
Posted: 1/25/2012 3:39:14 AM
You're 26. Maybe your life isn't over just yet.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
2 yrs of lonelyness who honestly wants a good guy anymore
Posted: 1/25/2012 3:36:29 AM
You seem to think every woman wants the same thing. 'Tis not true laddy
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
kicked alcoholic GF out of house two weeks ago
Posted: 1/25/2012 3:31:08 AM
If she won't help herself, there's nothing you can do to help her outside of an intervention of some sort. You made the right choice but now you miss the physical contact with somebody else and are second guessing it and thinking "Hey maybe I can help her"
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
44 year old male looking to build body back
Posted: 1/25/2012 3:27:45 AM
LOL! Want to get healthy...naturally the first step is to hit up the steroids.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Big question
Posted: 1/11/2012 5:51:12 PM
So you want a fit man because you don't want somebody who's judging you for being overweight? I know what you're saying but if you want the person you are with to love you for who you are, maybe you should get in that mindset as well :)

p.s. Just because somebody is "fit" doesn't mean they've struggled with weight problems.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Ex-girlfriend partying
Posted: 1/9/2012 7:06:05 PM

And I hung up on her wishing her a nice life


Atta boy :) Coldblooded just like she deserves.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Christmas Gifts
Posted: 1/9/2012 12:56:58 AM
Obviously that's going to hurt. But don't waste time worrying about somebody who you've broken up with (for what seems to be very valid reasons)

Sounds like a prick.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
arguing parents - what would you do?
Posted: 1/9/2012 12:55:07 AM

(my mum is on all sorts of whacko medication for sleeping and pain killing).


Perhaps a doctor's appointment is in order? Doesn't sound like the medication is doing her any good.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 46 (view)
 
what i wrote my ex girlfriend after i found out she cheated
Posted: 1/9/2012 12:52:59 AM
I have written the post-breakup letter...and never sent it. Why? Because it was for me, to express feelings, not to try to guilt her or make her feel bad.

I've never been cheated on (that I know of) but if I was, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of a letter like that. I'd probably just cut contact and let her wonder if I actually ever cared about her for the rest of her life. A cheater doesn't deserve one flick of my pen or a single tap on the keyboard. Cut em. Forget em. Move on.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
who else is scared to death of people
Posted: 1/9/2012 12:45:32 AM
Get help kid. Ignore all these people. Go talk to somebody. Social worker, therapist, psychologist, anybody who can help you through it. Simple as that. If you don't take the first step to change your life, you will wallow in self-pity until you give up and off yourself.

You obviously can't help yourself but at least you can recognize your problem, you need professional assistance and guidance.

I had very bad social anxiety but I fixed my own head. Some people can work shit out themselves, some can't.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Dealing with a broken heart
Posted: 1/9/2012 12:40:35 AM
I can't figure out if you're telling a story, asking for advice or offering words of wisdom/motivation.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Ok, a lil help here??? What ya think???
Posted: 1/9/2012 12:38:44 AM
Best piece of advice I could give you is don't make it your only source of dating/socializing. It's way too easy to fall into the trap of hiding behind a computer screen waiting for that perfect person to message you or pop up under your "matches". POF has accounted for maybe 5% of my interaction with the opposite sex the past couple years and, for me, that's a healthy amount. There was points (surprise surprise, when I was depressed about breaking up with somebody) where it was really the only place I would talk to females and it was a defense mechanism.

Get out there and live your life. Don't waste too much time here on the website or you'll just get depressed and unmotivated thinking that it represents what's out there.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Analingus health issues?
Posted: 1/9/2012 12:29:01 AM

If you're monogamous and you've both been tested then I don't think there's much to worry about.


Very, very misinformed. STDs are far from the only concern when sticking your tongue in somebody's ass.

That said, if your partner washes well before the act, those risks are minimized, but still there.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is my career choice my down fall ???
Posted: 12/28/2011 11:00:08 PM
A career that guarantees you will be quite a distance away will most certainly give you problems finding a relationship. Seems to me you're a bit confused about your priorities, if this career is #1, finding a relationship has to be #2. Trying to balance them will drive you insane. Like somebody else said, focus on the career and when the time is right, you'll find somebody.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Gays and Bisexuals
Posted: 12/28/2011 10:56:44 PM
Homosexuals can be idiots just like heterosexuals.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Ex tells me he misses me
Posted: 12/28/2011 10:51:44 PM

Remember why he is your EX


She didn't break up with him and he didn't give a reason as to why he broke up with her.

But I do agree, we can't decide whether or not it's worth giving it another shot with this douchebag. If he broke up with you once out of the blue, he'll do it again and you'll be giving him permission to do so by getting back together with him.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Buffets are NOT healthy
Posted: 12/28/2011 10:15:42 PM
Nothing inherently unhealthy about buffets besides the unlimited portions. You could easily consume just as many calories/saturated fat/grease/etc at home or any any number of restaurants.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Throwing over a good friend for love
Posted: 12/16/2011 1:22:14 PM

we recently re-connected; no sexual banter or flirtations whatsoever. His wife has no problem with that. They have been married for over 20 years.


ONLY relevant if his wife is aware that you two had sex.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
when do u delete pof, or expect ur significant other too?
Posted: 12/16/2011 1:13:28 PM
So you're both on here but he's the one who's "trolling for women still"? Maybe he's still on here to keep an eye on you? Have you even brought this up to him? Not like it's an awkward conversation..."Hey, probably about time we deleted our POF profiles huh?"
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
personal issues
Posted: 12/16/2011 1:11:17 PM
I'd have to add a vote to just getting the matter out there in the first couple communications. Why bother going on a date if the person is going to be hung up on the issue? It really does depend on what the actual condition is that causes it. But it'll be a hard sell no matter what stage in the dating you bring it up.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Some advice needed.
Posted: 12/16/2011 1:03:08 PM
She's not interested. You might have come on too strong, too quick, and scared her. Or she may have not been interested at all to begin with.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Must Live Within 75 Miles... wait, what?
Posted: 12/15/2011 2:48:16 AM
Why would you want distance as a prerequisite for your relationship? That's just unbelievably stupid. Long distance relationships can work but ONLY if there is a promise of it becoming a...uh...short distance relationship.

Within 75 miles is way too generous for me. I get a little off-put if they live more than a 20 minute drive away
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Second date ideas?
Posted: 12/15/2011 2:41:00 AM
As somebody else said, did you even bother asking her what she might want to do? It's really not hard for two people to come up with an agreeable locale for a second date.

My last second date she met up with me at Ikea to help me shop for some furniture. One of my favorite places to meet up with a girl that I'm still getting to know as it provides so much fodder for humor and general conversation. And what girl doesn't like to shop with somebody else's money?

Another fun place I'll take a girl in the "getting to know" stages is Wal-Mart, for the same reasons. Browse the books together, browse the movies together, shop for groceries to make dinner together later on. Just makes it easy to keep the conversation going and lots of opportunities to find out more about each other's interests.

One of my absolute best first dates was when we were talking and I told the girl I had to go shopping at a music store (as in guitars and drums, not CDs). She wanted to come with because she'd never been to a musical instrument store. I thought she would be bored to death but turned out she had a blast.

It doesn't have to be some big planned out event. You're not proposing to the girl.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Frequency
Posted: 12/15/2011 2:34:34 AM
I don't think a day goes by (except if I'm just staying around the house that day) that I don't flirt with a girl in some way shape or form. How often does it work? Depends on how "on point" I am, it seems girls these days are so used to NOT being hit on, that a random dude chatting them up throws them off balance.

I have a feeling you're asking this to try to build up confidence to talk to women "in real life". Simplest question to ask yourself, the one that got me out of my introverted shyness, is "What have I got to lose?" Absolutely nothing. Are you really going to lose your pride because a girl isn't digging you? Only if you hitch your pride to the opinion of one woman that you don't even know...which is beyond the pale pathetic.

The more you just get out there and do it, the more confident you'll be.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Can't move on
Posted: 12/15/2011 2:25:48 AM
He's cheating on his wife with you. Do you honestly think he'd be faithful to you? Take off the damn blinders woman, he's a scumbag, plain and simple.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 44 (view)
 
did she cheat on me???
Posted: 12/15/2011 2:22:38 AM

be quiet please your boreing me now!


Did you guys ever e-mail each other? It's possible your horrible spelling and grammar turned her off.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How to tell if he likes me/show him I like him?
Posted: 12/13/2011 8:16:38 AM
Ask him out. On the date, just go for it. Who cares about the "guy should make the first move" horsecrap. If you like him...make it known. Maybe he doesn't like you, maybe he does. Maybe he's just as shy as you are.

Eye contact, physical contact, give him a kiss at the end of the night, etc. Anything you'd take from a guy as interest, you send those vibes out to him.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Is this a sick joke?
Posted: 12/13/2011 8:13:41 AM
Aren't Marines supposed to have balls? Sack the **** up soldier. She's moved on and is telling you the lovey dovey crap because she wants to keep you in her back pocket as a reserve in case she doesn't find another guy she likes as much. She's told you she's not in love with you, time to go find somebody else.

I'm guessing this is the only woman you've ever been with. Get out there and live life man. There's a whole world of women waiting to be seduced, romanced and wifed up.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
First Love...
Posted: 12/13/2011 8:09:34 AM
You'll forget about her as soon as you fall in love again and realize it gets better everytime, because your standards raise each time you find "the one". Then you realize the new one...is the new standard. Make sense?
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
How can I get my ex back
Posted: 12/13/2011 8:07:43 AM
You sound super clingy. He sounds jealous. You both are a bit crazy but not in a good way.

Move on. Work on yourself before you get into another relationship.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
My ex won't forgive me!??
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:32:46 AM
Simple advice for you...move on. This relationship was doomed from the moment she told you she still loved her ex. If you honestly believe she doesn't want him back, you have blinders on.

Return the Tiffany bracelet before it's too late.

Try growing up too.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
These Inner Thighs Are a Pain...
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:24:21 AM
In fact, increasing muscle mass in certain "problem" areas will just make your problem areas more unsightly as it will just make them appear bigger as opposed to "ripped" or lean.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Just friends....ehh
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:14:04 AM
she was constantly reinforcing the point that we were just friends


Lesson learned I hope. If a girl feels the need to reinforce this to you, she wants you to know she is not sexually attracted to you.

What I can tell you...is the friend zone is escapable, but NOT while she is making sure you know that's where you are.

p.s. Why are you people saying she played him? Sounds to me like she made it crystal clear she wasn't interested, but he deluded himself into believing he had a chance. You guys need to get a grip on reality.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
broken heart with live-in
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:12:38 AM

I know he is not cheating,


You aren't having sex with him. How would it be cheating if he got laid somewhere else?
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Tell me how dumb I am
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:59:49 AM

she has hinted to the fact that all I want is sex, it suxs becouse we dont have allot in commen and its hard to find things to do.


Uh...what future do you see exactly? You sound like an idiot to be honest (hey you asked) Figure out what you want in a woman, because it doesn't sound like there's a lot of substance with this chick.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Throwing over a good friend for love
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:50:31 AM
Not sure if this has been pointed out, but if he's been completely honest with her and admitted that you guys had sex...how can you blame her for being uncomfortable with your friendship? She has EVERY RIGHT to be suspicious of her husband continuing to see somebody he's had sexual encounters with in the past. Any normal person would. That's not being jealous or petty, that's expecting reasonable boundaries to be set and respected.

I have plenty of female friends who I see significantly less of when they are in relationships. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Paying it forward
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:34:09 AM
I live on the Danforth and it's pretty busy with people asking for change. I run out of money pretty fast in just a short distance. They say that they need it for food or whatever but I know that's not what they want it for. I can't say that it makes me feel good in any way to give these people money like that but I understand that they need money none the less....

Because I live downtown people are always in my building asking for donations. I mean every day there are people at my door. To be very honest I don't have that much money to give away so I turn them down without opening the door...


So you give money to people when, I assume, you are convinced they are going to buy booze with it and don't even feel good about yourself when you do...but ignore charities soliciting donations door-to-door?

When it comes to handouts, I only give to buskers. Where are all you people paying for coffees? I've never had that happen to me lol

When time permits, I shovel my elderly neighbour's driveway. I don't care if it's paid forward to me or if he does either, the poor guy has his hands full with a wife who is in declining health, and out here in Scarborough the driveways are huge.

Coffeenut, I do the same thing. It's a habit I've picked up from working as a nursing attendant. But doing it outside the hospital is a lot of fun :)
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
WHATS YOUR NEW YEARS HEALTH RESOLUTION!!!
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:21:16 AM
My main goal is to eliminate refined sugar from my diet...or at least reduce it to almost nothing.

I'm also looking at getting a new fitness program together for the new year, as my gym has gotten past the point of being worth the membership fees (and it's the cheapest one I'd bother going to)
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Bulking up/Combating high metabolism
Posted: 12/5/2011 9:26:37 PM

I'm pretty sure i'm eating more than i burn off


If you aren't gaining weight than no you aren't.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Best fitness regiment for hiking and lifting?
Posted: 11/26/2011 12:16:46 PM
The workout routines for hiking and lifting would be quite different but both pretty simple...hike and lift.

Simply dropping bodyweight and improving cardio would help both, hiking more so than lifting, but depending on what kind of hiking you're doing, being out there scrambling over rocks, negotiating hills, tree roots, etc will put a tax on your system that you can't recreate in a gym very easily. I'd suggest getting out and running some hills or stairs, run up, walk down.

As for lifting...if you want to get into shape to lift...why do you not want to incorporate weight lifting? Bodyweight exercises will only get you so far and if you're not very heavy, they won't improve your strength, just your muscular endurance.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Hooking up while trying to get over someone?
Posted: 11/20/2011 11:36:04 PM
I've found this generally to be quite gender specific.

Girls are a lot more susceptible to feeling slutty, used, demeaned, etc by casual sex with somebody they don't know. It just makes the "one-itis" even worse.

Guys usually see it as a simple slumpbuster and get their self-esteem RAISED out of it. It cures, or very much helps, the one-itis.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Long Distance Dating
Posted: 11/20/2011 11:31:09 PM
Lol "Walk in your shoes"? I have better things to do than play grade school texting games trying to get girls to not like me, or the boys they like not to like them or some other pathetic crap. Grow up dude. Seriously.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
dating and love advice
Posted: 11/20/2011 11:26:01 PM
You DO NOT wait for her. Period. Whether she's truly confused about what she wants or just wants to keep your nuts in her purse (as you seem tempted to allow) for a backup plan you do not put your life on pause to wait for her to figure it out. Move on. Plain and simple.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Depressed when I see
Posted: 11/20/2011 11:23:12 PM

But I AM confident


Nah. When you have to qualify that with "At least I come across that way", you aren't fooling anybody. Real confidence can't be faked. The reason you attract shy, insecure girls is because you're a shy, insecure guy. You need to find your nutsack and go for what you want in this world.
 
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