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 Author Thread: Triggers in profile photos
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Triggers in profile photos
Posted: 11/3/2018 4:32:22 PM
1) not smiling in pictures -- looks like a post office picture under "most wanted" -- not the most wanted I have in mind
I like a nice smile -- doesn't have to be perfect
even the ones with no picture at all, I can at least imagine the "shadow of his smile"....

2) shirtless pictures that have nothing to do with the beach / lounging by a pool
3) bathroom mirror shots - I don't need to know if you hang your TP over or under...
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Time wasters
Posted: 10/30/2018 6:47:29 PM
A possibility is that people can be insecure about their appearance. They want to make sure you will like them for their thoughts, humor, intelligence, etc BEFORE you meet face to face. Then their flaws have a better chance of being overlooked

One man and I exchanged emails forever before meeting -- in all honesty, the emails were hilarious and I was having a blast. That doesn't happen often. When we did meet, he called ahead of time to make sure we were still on. Told me " I'm not much - I don't want you to be disappointed.."
So confidence could have something to do with it
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 13 (view)
 
I have doubts
Posted: 1/2/2017 7:12:03 AM
LuuLuu
I really don't know how to hide the pictures in the profile -- I just see posters here with no picture but it still says view history and such. I was told that it meant the profile was hidden - not removed

Wish I did know!!
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 10 (view)
 
I have doubts
Posted: 1/2/2017 6:07:26 AM
Most people who have their profile hidden, their picture doesn't show up in the forums - you just see their user ID name---
It really doesn't matter - both of you still have profiles on here. She may be wondering the same about you but doesn't want to say anything. If you see her online, she sees you online
As far as an FB post -- phones lie about location all the time. My cellphone has a different area code than from where I live and gets confused (I work about 35 miles from where I live)
Just talk about it and please -- trust her until she gives you a real reason not to
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Can i get used to a heavy smoker?
Posted: 12/4/2016 9:42:01 PM
I quit smoking 16 years ago --and have on my profile that I don't smoke and prefer non smokers

However - a person I met here is a smoker - but does not smoke in my house nor even asks if he can. He goes outside, keeps an empty soda can to put his ashes and cigarette butts in. I don't have to deal with nicotine stained walls or the scent of tobacco on my curtains and clothes. We have developed a good friendship and he is here often because he is doing my remodeling with me.
My concern with him is that it is destroying his health but of course cannot make him quit -- he has to want to.

We all have issues but in some cases there needs to be compromise or it will not work.


 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 2713 (view)
 
Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 11/22/2016 8:48:46 PM
I had encountered someone without a picture and had no problem getting to know him. We had a running joke about the gum wall girl (one of my pictures) and the man with no face.

I did see a picture eventually but it didn't matter at that point. I liked him for who he was. The funny part about the picture he posted as his main one was that he had a beard, was wearing a hat and had sunglasses on.
At the time, it was in a chat room where people were complaining about profiles with no pictures. I commented
"Never minded the ones with no pictures, it's those people with beards, hats and sunglasses you have to look out for " (obviously teasing him)

Another story -- a young couple I know were introduced via email through a common friend. They decided not to exchange pictures. By the time they met in person 6 months later -- they were in love. When he saw her for the first time - he told people "if I had know how beautiful she was, I would never have had the nerve to even talk to her"
They are married for about 6 years now
True story

A picture may be worth a thousand words... but not necessarily the ones you really need to hear
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Confused about this girl
Posted: 11/12/2016 5:44:03 PM
You did say she updated her FB status with "in a relationship" with someone else... someone not you?
She is not playing games. She is right out there being unfaithful
OR this relationship is so brand new she hasn't had time to tell you...
Are you friends on FB or were you just looking? Don't worry, many people do that as a way of seeing if the person they are getting to know is honest and real.

Your guess is just as good as anyone on here

ASK her. She is the only one who knows for sure.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 170 (view)
 
Let's Talk But Yet They Don't Want but Want You Too?
Posted: 10/30/2016 6:27:10 PM
I want my diagnosis too -- and the cure!

I mean this sincerely as a compliment to Natayl

I am reminded of an older video 'NO RAIN" by Blind Melon. It is not the lyrics but the video itself that came to mind
It's a little girl dressed like a bee who loves to dance. People boo her and she walks away sad. She dances for strangers and they stare and scratch their heads. She runs away. Until .. she comes to a huge gate in a field and on the other side are adults and children all dressed like bees. She pushes the gate open and joins them. Happy at last. Accepted for who she is.

Don't change for anyone but yourself, Natayl.

Some people here mean well, they really do. And some are unhappy with themselves so they like to make others just as miserable when they can.
Just take what advice you need and leave the rest
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 10 (view)
 
topless pics, or
Posted: 10/30/2016 5:52:32 PM
I try to view the male "topless" pictures as their way of letting women know that they are in good shape - not necessarily all about sex. Though -- yes, the just stepped out of the shower and taking a selfie in the mirror ones do make you wonder what they really are trying to get across

Same with the women and upper body parts falling out. Just because she is letting you know she is well endowed doesn't always mean sex. But the reality is that the average healthy minded male will see that as a possible advertisement.
It just the way it is
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Brother or friend?
Posted: 10/30/2016 11:37:33 AM
I really like somewhatjaded's idea of giving them another scammer's email address

Reminds me of the days of giving someone the phone number to the payphone at the laundry mat
Not that I did those sort of things -- I just heard about it
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Brother or friend?
Posted: 10/22/2016 10:09:32 PM
Sounds like a scam. I had one a couple of weeks ago from a different site
Similar - was an email from a 75 yr old woman who didn't look a day over 30 who had a male friend that saw my profile but didn't have his own membership. Of course, I was given an email address to contact my secret admirer with
DELETE works just fine in these situations

POF is free to message. If he is real, he can set up his own account and contact you here.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Let's Talk But Yet They Don't Want but Want You Too?
Posted: 10/17/2016 4:23:35 PM
^^
agree -- mean and unnecessary

Many here have written very well thought out messages, offered encouragement, asked questions and never got a response. You are not alone. I figure that maybe because I am not a tall blonde?? Maybe because I state I am a Christian? Maybe because I bake and they are on a diet??? Who knows?
In the long run, it doesn't matter what a stranger thinks. If they don't answer, it's just part of the weeding out process. You don't need 50 responses. It only takes one in the long run.

Good luck to you.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Why do women hate shirtless pics?
Posted: 10/5/2016 6:00:53 AM
Just my opinion- but I see the shirtless pictures as "I'm too sexy for my shirt" advertising. I don't as a rule even look at those profiles if it's the main picture. Don't even want them to see that I might have looked because it will give the illusion that the shirtless main profile picture attracted me . Too much ego for me. And a touch of "love my body because I don't have a brain".... Once again - my opinion

Let's look at it from this approach -- Could a man walk up to a woman in a store, a dance club or in a dog park without his shirt on ? The profiles are a form of first sight - a good first impression will turn a head in a positive direction.
I have no problem with a person's body - it's just isn't the part of them I want to get to know first

 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 21 (view)
 
So...a 'friend' is staying over...
Posted: 10/1/2016 10:37:03 AM
She really did not have to tell you that he is spending the night. You are 5 hours away and it isn't like you were stopping by while running errands or after work. You would have never known. She was honest

She was also honest when she said he was a ROOM MATE. Note -- not a guy she was dating and lived with --- A roommate. Now if you have reasons not to trust her, that is one thing. But from what else you said - that's not the problem. I am guessing that you are trying for a relationship and see another man staying at her home overnight as disrespectful to you.

I have had male "friends" spend the night. Once - traveling through while moving to another state. Another, it was the holidays and another friend stayed also. The key word is FRIEND.

If you let this incident get to you, next thing you will be worried about "what is she doing right now??" What is she doing on weekends you are not there? With the distance, you have many moments when you are not together
Don't let doubts unnecessarily mess up a good thing.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Meet Ben Zona
Posted: 9/20/2016 5:06:05 PM
or how to make that little fishy emoticon.

Wonder if she will come back with her new name.
I have noticed lately --- Either there are many who have changed their names on here, have TWO profiles at the same time or there is an unusual amount of twins....
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 22 (view)
 
not the one liner i was hoping for
Posted: 9/19/2016 8:27:56 AM
As a rule- I don't respond to one line -- worse yet- one word messages
I know some people don't like to write but then why be on a site where your initial contact is - writing
If I get just a "hi" - I feel like they just looked at the picture, never read the profile or they would have something more to say....

I love conversation . I need to know that I can talk to someone, share opinions, dreams, thoughts, experiences, laugh, annoy each other in a good way-- I need a somewhat intelligent conversation to keep my brain stimulate then everything else get's stimulated.
Face it - as we get older, looks will only get you so far for just so long. WE WANT A COMPANION. That takes way more than looking hot. You need to talk.

Okay - so some may be trying like they would do in person. Smile at someone and say "hi". If they smile and say hi back - then you take it from there. Unfortunately - many of the "hi's" here - don't get any better. The next email says
"what's up". Nothing -because that's where it stops.

I know some believe that the worse scenario when meeting someone is no physical attraction . To me it's having nothing to talk about. If you are very attractive but I can not talk to you -- it ends there. If I didn't find you attractive at first but you are so full of life when you talk, make me laugh, laugh at my jokes and we seem to really get each other -
guess what - you become beautiful to me.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 6:19:56 PM
Another thought --
If all you are getting is random text messages -- how do you know he hasn't moved yet?

Drop by. Get it done and over with (if he still even lives there)

Or - buy your mom a replacement camera and cut all ties for good.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Getting my stuff back from the ex
Posted: 9/9/2016 3:00:11 PM
Give him the benefit of the doubt. In your heart, do you believe he is being up front with you?

I like the suggestion of telling him to leave the camera on the porch, under the porch , with roommate....
And have his things in a large bag... and LEAVE IT.

I did that to someone I stopped seeing who left all kinds of things at my house. I knew when he was working and left them on the hood of his car.....
Done.
He shouldn't have to keep one of your possessions as a foot in the door or you on a shelf for when he wants if that is what he is doing. Hopefully he isn't

Good luck
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Happy 3 month trails
Posted: 9/1/2016 5:49:51 PM
Some 3 trials, once the time is up - stick you with a full blown membership at an insanely high price that are almost impossible to cancel
just saying...
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Why would you delete your pictures?
Posted: 8/1/2016 5:19:14 PM
Sometimes a person will set their profile to private and hide their pictures to take a break from the website with deleting the whole entire profile
Could be because they are interested in someone and don't want to communicate with any others for now but are not at the stage where they need to remove the profile

As long as you can still communicate with her - ask or wait to see if she tells you.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Tattoos or No Tattoos?
Posted: 7/15/2016 6:47:03 PM
My late husband had just one tattoo. It was a small heart with a banner across it on his forearm.
The banner was blank. While he was sleeping -- I would fill in the blank with various things.. MOM, FIDO (our cat's name) and one time just for fun BRUCE. He didn't think that one was funny. His co-workers did though LOL He worked in a print shop with several other bikers. They looked forward to what I would come up with next.

I don't mind a tattoo or two, but the ones that seem to have every free space on their bodies covered in ink are a big turn off.

I personally would never get one. Cannot imagine anything I would forever and it is expensive and painful to have them removed.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Did I overreact?
Posted: 7/12/2016 6:35:32 PM
I thought at first your name might be Sally and you used salie to make your ID. Or perhaps Alie. So maybe he was just double checking

I would rather them verify my name than call me "sweet thing" "doll" "cutie".... at least know me before you start in with the pet names,....

But maybe other things were a bit iffy for you and the lack of attention to your profile was all you needed to write this one off. It does say about (your name) in your profile.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 1 (view)
 
What personal event changed your outlook on love?
Posted: 7/10/2016 8:02:21 AM
We all have had an experience that totally changes our outlook on how we either deal with relationships or how we love

Me ---(THIS IS NOT A PITY POST)
I lost my only son to cancer back in 2007. I am forever changed. Some people may just grieve and lose hope of happiness and I feel sorry for them. I am not like that. Oh, I grieved deeply. I had no idea of how I would live in a world without my child. But time passed and I woke up each day - the sun was still shining, birds were singing. I am still very much alive.

For me it means there is not one human on this earth who will ever break my heart the way losing my son did. Not a divorce (mine was final a few weeks after my son died) not rejection from a potential love. NO ONE.

I have found this out...
Once you have lost someone you love through death - yet you survived and rediscovered joy - you are capable of loving to the fullest because you know you will survive any heartache. There is no more fear of giving it your all.

That's me. I don't expect everyone to be this way - but this is who I am today

What's your life changing experience if you care to share?
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 93 (view)
 
4 words that can ruin a date for fun
Posted: 7/9/2016 6:22:22 AM
Some very creative minds here or ...
WOW you have had some awful dates
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 15 (view)
 
crazy gym stalker I met from here
Posted: 6/26/2016 10:04:20 AM
Giving the benefit of the doubt that this is true....

Press charges
Tell management why you ARE LEAVING their gym and join another... Try one just for women.
Same with in a store - tell management and go shopping elsewhere.

Carry pepper spray and USE IT.

As far as police escorting you out - yeah if they did it to make sure you got to your car safely but then they should have warned him to stay away from you. They cannot do much however if you continue to frequent these places without pressing charge when he bothers you.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 8 (view)
 
same month i change my underwear
Posted: 6/19/2016 7:31:16 PM
my current main picture is a cellphone shot from two weeks ago... the others are about 10 months to 2 years...
I can tell it's me in all of them

I mainly updated it for here in the forums -- I don't play on the site much.

I have seen some profile pictures that you can tell are old. The faded brown polaroid look. The haircuts in them also scream '70s. A couple of people I met clearly had very very old pictures. If they hadn't approached me smiling and waving--- I wouldn't have known it was them. Amazing what 10 years can do to some people. Not that they looked bad - just didn't look like the pictures.

Maybe we should post those younger pictures of ourselves "this is what you could have had 30 years ago"

Or maybe - no picture. "I am just under 5' 3", blue eyes, a mop of brown curls"... and leave it at that.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Image is everything? Multiple choice. or yes or no
Posted: 6/6/2016 11:32:14 PM
B for me - I guess. I have been at events where there were about 20-30 people meeting for the first time. They all walk up to each other asking the names (unless they have a name tag) Me -- everyone says my name as they approach telling me I look just like my pictures

You can tell from some profiles here - that if all their pictures look similar - that they most likely will look just like their pictures.

I have met people who if they didn't describe their vehicle or waved as I got out of mine -- I would have walked right past them.

It really doesn't matter to me though. Looks are such a small part of what a person is all about anyway
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Is he interested or just playing a game?
Posted: 6/6/2016 4:06:22 PM
Like others have said and I know of one site in particular -- if they are on your page for whatever reason - someone in your area, someone you looked at -- it gives a number of how many times they viewed you. When it happened to me at first - my mind thought STALKERS ! But then one day I wanted to see who I viewed and it said one particular man I had looked at 20 + times - when I had only viewed once. He just happened to be someone they sent multiple times as a match and I scrolled past him. Tada - considered viewed.

For myself - I don't care who views my profile - only who writes to me.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 34 (view)
 
4 words that can ruin a date (for fun)
Posted: 6/6/2016 3:39:56 PM
These are all so funny. I'm making a list - some of them would result in the other person using my "I'll be right back" - never to return

I actually did use this one when I was in my late teens...
" I'm becoming a nun"

And one time to drive away some strange guy who kept asking me to leave with him...
"I'm with my friend" and I threw my arm around my friend Karen's shoulder and winked
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 12 (view)
 
4 words that can ruin a date (for fun)
Posted: 6/5/2016 8:19:08 AM
Do ya ever wish this forum had a LIKE button ?
You are all so funny
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 1 (view)
 
4 words that can ruin a date (for fun)
Posted: 6/5/2016 5:51:36 AM
It's going to be a quiet rainy day here in central VA -- so I am once again in the mood to play
A few months ago - I did a post about what not to say on a first date

My FB friends and I made it a bit different this time. You have to come up with something that will ruin a date in just FOUR words.

I'll start

"My husband is watching"

"I'll be right back" (then climb out the restroom window)

"something's in my teeth" (then take them out to check if you can)

"Hey Mom! Over here!"

I have read enough posts that I know we have some very creative and humorous people in these forums. Looking forward to what you can come up with. Who knows, some words may come in handy one day to "ruin" a bad date
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Old Pictures
Posted: 5/29/2016 1:05:52 PM
My pictures are not old. Some are - but not the main one.
they also don't tell you if..
I am kind or evil
intelligent or have the IQ of a petunia
or if it is really me or my cousin Vinny
People put too much importance on pictures

I am confident in the real me enough to say that if someone is more concerned about my looks than who I AM - especially at this age - I don't need them and I am equally confident that is their loss not mine

We should all feel that way about ourselves.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Why Pursue a Hobby If You Don't Meet Anyone?
Posted: 4/17/2016 6:21:48 PM
The way the odds seem to go.. if you pretend to be interested in something just to meet women -- that's when you will meet one. Then you would either have to lie and continue to fake interest in that hobby or learn to love it. I would be so disappointed if I met someone at , let's say a Scrabble night meet-up group then found out he couldn't stand playing.

Only pursue a hobby you really enjoy. Then you can't lose no matter what happens. Me - I love Asian food and would totally enjoy a cooking class for it. I don't care if I meet someone doing that or not ... but it would be great if I did.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 60 (view)
 
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 9:25:19 AM
When my husband passed away many years ago ( I was only 29) - we were not doing so well in our marriage Working on it - but it just wasn't at a good place. I was angry for a while because I wanted to grieve more than I did. I needed to be able to. It took many years for that angry to turn into moments of actually missing him
I also lost a child
I would not switch one single moment of having my two Robert's in my world for anything. Grieving is part of life. It makes you appreciate the mundane days and the joyful moments. You see the world through different eyes and it is precious.

Being single now - I am used to it. I am content BUT- I would also love to have someone to share those mundane days and joyful moments with,
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 25 (view)
 
How to deal with emotional triggers?
Posted: 4/3/2016 7:04:33 AM
Original post said he was drunk and flirted with this woman. This time you said it was a text message. Is this the same incident?
You also added something that should help the opinions here because it certainly changed mine
They have been friends for years.

In all that time - she has been in the friend zone. I don't see that changing. I have male friends who I joke with, tease and can even flirt with because we know it's safe - it isn't ever going anywhere. I love them - but not in a romantic way. BUT if I were seeing someone and this man was important to me - I would NOT cut off the friendship however I would tone down the nature of conversation out of respect.

He most likely isn't telling you about his day which may include a conversation with her to upset you - in his mind it could very well be that he wants you to know he is not keeping secrets from you. Surely you wouldn't want to hear from an outside party that he talked with her and you didn't know?

Tell him what you told us. You have no problem with him talking to her - it's the flirting that makes you uncomfortable.
Good luck to you - hope that the counseling helps
And I meant the professional counseling - not our opinions here.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 12 (view)
 
How to deal with emotional triggers?
Posted: 4/1/2016 7:48:52 PM
Forgive - can happen if you want this relationship to work. It also helps YOU -
Forgetting is near impossible. For me, anyway. You can recall lines from movies, your favorite novels. You remember a great joke to relay - but are supposed to FORGET that someone hurt you?
It' s about how you choose to deal with the memory.

I remember many things that hurt me in the past but they don't bother me anymore. If they are truly not worth worrying about - time helps to put them in the proper perspective. That's what makes the self inflicted "trigger" wounds heal.

I have my trigger points. We all do - it comes with life's experiences. I am in a grocery store and a pleasant looking man smiles and says hi. I smile back -- then I see him put a 24 pack of beer in his cart - I break eye contact and keep walking. I don't know if this man is having a cookout, buying it for his sick uncle. Doesn't matter to me The "gun" went off. I was married to an alcholic . That is a good trigger to have in my case most of the time. Not always.

Now if I refused to date someone who had the same name my x did because of the memories it stirred up -- well I need to throw that gun away, put the safety on - do something because that would be ridiculous, wouldn't it?

You hear her name - your trigger goes off. Your problem might be that deep down you are not 100 % convinced that there is no reason for this feeling. He violated your trust and that just doesn't come back easily no matter what we try to tell ourselves and others..
The problem isn't her. It is your reaction to HIS reaction regarding her.

You say he has re - earned your trust. Earning your trust and him actually having it can be two different things. You earn a paycheck - but it isn't real until you cash it in.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Coming to terms with her history
Posted: 3/20/2016 4:01:02 PM
You obviously are a bit jealous or insecure about this new relationship or you wouldnt be writing here. It is not unusual to feel that way.
Also - you are judging or you wouldnt be here asking opinions
Getting past it - will all depend on what means more to you -HER or her past

You say she is not into casual sex but she has sex quickly in her defense. For arguements sake, let's just say it is not a matter of casual sex with her - it is her way of hoping to deepen a relationship before it's time. The cart before the horse. So-- when that happens, a person is likely to confuse the pleasure of sex with love. That leaves the amazing " i am in love" sensation about to fizzle if the love isn't real. Thus the large number of past men. Happens to a many people - not just her. Be aware that this could be what she is doing with you.
Just my thoughts on that

Back to your "getting past" it. Dwell in the past or push for the future.
Neither one of you are virgins. You are offering each other the same exact thing. A new start in a new relationship.
Good luck
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 37 (view)
 
What was/will be your wedding first dance song?
Posted: 3/15/2016 9:15:54 PM
I always wanted TIME IN A BOTTLE by Jim Croce as a wedding song
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 17 (view)
 
What was/will be your divorce song?
Posted: 3/15/2016 9:09:18 PM
Goodbye to You --- by Scandal
Reason to Believe - Rod Stewart (written by Tim Hardin)
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I failed someone I love- Now what?
Posted: 3/12/2016 6:25:13 AM
I am sorry for their loss, Bama. And also for what you are going through
Please don't beat yourself up over this.
I think the person you failed the most here is yourself because in your heart, you truly wanted to be there. It is sad and a little scary at times when an event brings our minds back to when we had a similar experience. We relive the heart ache all over again

I had lost my son back in 2007. My brother and his wife lost her son in a car accident three years later. I was at work when I got the call and immediately made plans to fly home to Long Island where they lived. My sister-in-law hugged me tight when she saw me - she was not expecting me to be there . It was extremely difficult - not only losing my nephew (he was only 16) but the flashback of when my son died. My oldest sister knew. She kept checking to see if I was okay. My brother also hugged me and whispered in my ear that he knew my Robby found their Michael and they were together in Heaven. He understood how hard it was for me.

What I am trying to say - Your friends did not forget you went through the same pain recently. They are just experiencing their own hurt right now
It is about them this time.

Call, ask if you can stop by. Bring something to eat. Perhaps a plant - not flowers.
I didn't ask anyone who could have come to the funeral but didn't, why they were not there. Do not offer a reason unless they ask.
I hope you find peace and the words that you need to say. Sometimes you silently being there is all they really need.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Do you hide your political affiliation on dates?
Posted: 3/10/2016 5:25:49 PM
I am willing to listen to someone's views and can do so with most people without arguing.. You can get a good idea of their affiliation by their opinion on many topics .
Normally, politics don't come up often in my early dating stages. So it's not a problem

It was however the one area I avoided with my x. Unless I wanted to have fun.
One election year when I came out of the voting area, he said to me "well, I hope you voted the right way" in a tone that really meant I should have voted for who he wanted. I told him " I played it safe and voted for anyone whose name sounded like they were Irish"
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 30 (view)
 
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 3:21:47 PM
homemakerwoman..
I am sorry to see all the profile reviews. You can't get what you are looking for by putting up a front. You were UP FRONT and honest. It may narrow down prospects, but at least it helps weed through them ahead of time

I have had a few who sent endless messages with no date in sight and they eventually fade away.
One in particular - we messaged several times a day - he was so entertaining, I looked forward to them
Over a year later, we still message almost everyday but now...we have also spent time together in person
So,, some may want to engage you in emails to make sure you like them for them....but that is usually not the case.
If I can't get them to write more than one word, one sentence conversations,, I stop answering them.

SLAFFA -
I do live in a one horse neighborhood. He broke out of his fence a couple of years ago - took a donkey with him. Found them just strolling down the road. I ran and got a neighbor, blocked the road with my car so no one would accidentally hit them or we could be a horseless one horse town . I kept waiting for the donkey to talk
I wish I was kidding....
But even though it's a one horse town (actually 3 now) there are country dances, bingo.. yeehaw.
There are ways to met people
even way out in the sticks - just not as easy as in more populated areas
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 176 (view)
 
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/6/2016 4:24:31 PM
My late husband gave me an engagement ring. He hid it in a bag of cracker jacks - a total surprise. He was complaining he couldn't find the prize and wouldn't stop until I grabbed the bag from him and stuck my hand in searching just to get him to quit fussing. It wasn't the biggest ring in the world, but it was beautiful and perfect for me.
I continued to wear it from time to time. One day when I left it at home, my house got broken into and it is gone for good now.
I don't have to have one - not necessary. I don't see the sense in getting this enormous expensive ring. Let's go to Italy or Ireland instead. Jump in the car and drive to nowhere in particular until we run out of road.
Precious moments spent together mean more than any piece of jewelry.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 14 (view)
 
I'm not Lisa, my name is Julie.
Posted: 3/6/2016 4:13:55 PM
I used to have people determined to call me Debbie - not my name. I don't think I look like a Debbie.. but to them I must have.
My first name is actually two names so once in a while I drop the second one. Lately I have gone back to using both names especially at work since there is someone else with my name. She tends to not return messages to vendors and customers. I have had annoyed managers email me asking why I ignored a vendor. Wrong "m" .. not me!
So to save my name and reputation, I use my given name all the time now
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 54 (view)
 
So Today
Posted: 3/5/2016 6:07:41 PM
BigbadNIrish..
I am sorry for the loss of your wife. I was widowed very young so it has been a long time for me. I lost my only son to cancer almost 9 years ago. I miss my son everyday but it is no longer a grief ridden loss... I just miss him..
We never know what will trigger off those sad days. Of course the obvious, seeing pictures or going to the cemetary. But sometimes it just takes a song on the radio to take us back to the happy days when our loved ones were with us. 20 years after he passed away, I heard a Jim Croce song that I used to sing to my late hushand (he had a tape of me singing it and kept it with him all the tIme) and the tears just flowed.

You have loved deeply and have been loved in return. That is blessing in itself. Many don't ever get to experience love on that level
After losing my child, I value life more than ever because it goes by in a blink and I see it for how precious it is, as i feel that you do also.
May you continue to have more peaceful days and fewer of the sad ones.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 20 (view)
 
disconnected people and internet dating
Posted: 3/3/2016 7:29:27 PM
I grew up in an affectionate family. I remember times coming home from being out with friends and waking my Dad up because I couldn't fall asleep without giving him a hug or kiss goodnight.
But my late husband's family was the opposite. I never saw his parents kiss ... not even for birthdays or Christmas.
Now his dad would hug me and his sisters would ask "how come "m" gets a hug and we don't" He told them because I was more receptive and affectionate back.. Strange, since he raised them that way.

Some people love deeply and show that love in different ways besides affection. It can be difficult however to live with some one who is not on the same page when it comes to affection as you are. I have been with people who were overly affectionate to the point where I felt smothered. And I have been with some who won't even hold hands.


BUT .. I also believe that if you have to ask for it ,, .. why bother. It would be like they are acting.
Now sometimes people just need a nudge to open up, but if that doesn't work after awhile, accept them the way they are or move on.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Give me your opinion =)
Posted: 3/2/2016 7:33:01 PM
You said you told him before that you didn't want to message with him anymore but it made him try harder..
Ignore his messages. Delete as soon as you get them. If he persists,, block BOTH numbers that you know of
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/2/2016 5:44:17 PM
There would be no harm in contacting him in my opinion
He contacted you last. .. I don't know if you responded every time he texted you or not. You did say he was acting distant.
The worst that can happen is that he doesn't respond to this text message and you can have some sort of closure rather than just wondering what is going on.
For all you know, he is wondering why he hasn't heard from you. That doesn't mean that is what is happening (him waiting on you) but you won't know until you make some sort of contact.
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 7:07:48 PM
I have quite a few that added me as a favorite and never sent the first email to me. I could understand if it were one of those sites where a person could "like" pictures and favorite someone but be a nonpaying member which means they can't write to you... but that isn't the case here...
There is one who emailed me several times and told me he was adding me. Him I actually met.

I have heard about that terrorist attack when we are over 45 .... Oh uh.

If I wanted to sent a first email to someone who made me a favorite - I would thank him for looking at my profile and then ask him a question about something in his.
I very rarely make first contact. It's usually because I like something a person said here on the forums

Don't worry about the numbers too much .... it only takes one in the long run
 Cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 2/22/2016 8:53:53 PM

But if one is picky about the less important things, and not picky enough about those that are key to a deep and fulfilling relationship, then they are doing themselves a disservice and being their own worst enemy.


I agree completely. Sometimes the things people are picky or not picky enough about -- you would think life's experiences would straighten all that out but... some people never seem to learn.
 
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