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 Author Thread: Was it just a game?
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Was it just a game?
Posted: 11/13/2011 11:56:33 AM

Was it just a game for him, to see if he could get the girl? An ego boost?


It very well may have been. Or, maybe he was a flake. Or, as others have suggested, maybe he was underage, married, or who knows what. Best not to think too much about it, as it is more a statement about him than you, and it's not something you can ever control.

My suggestion is to schedule first meets for a time / place / event you would want to do on your own anyway. That way, if they don't show or cancel at the last minute, as happens from time to time, it's no big deal at all. Plus, if you don't have to worry about whether they show or not, I think it puts you in a better frame of mind for the meet as well.


I think being late, particularly on a 1st meet speaks volumes


A bit off topic, but, I think it depends. There is being late because one couldn't be bothered to be on time, and there is being late because of traffic, running late at work, car issues, etc. The first shows disrespect, the second doesn't show anything other than a person who is busy living their life. Besides, going back to what I wrote above, if you schedule first meets for times / places / events you enjoy anyway, it tends to not be a problem if someone is a bit late.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 55 (view)
 
What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2011 12:11:29 PM

People who don't dote on exes are much simpler to date, IMO.


Fair enough, and I don't disagree, but there is a big difference between doting on someone and being friends and socializing with them. Maybe I missed something, but I didn't infer from any of the OP's posts that her man was doting on his exes; just that he was spending time socializing with them. It seems to me that, as with so many things in life and relationships, it's all about finding balance.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
When a guy gets distant...
Posted: 11/2/2011 7:24:36 PM
I can only recall backing off once; after several dates, all of which I planned and initiated without any overly strong indication of interest on her part. In other words, I was starting to get the sense she wasn't really all that interested.

So, as happydip suggested, it was indeed a test to see if she would "pick up the slack". And my expectation was that either she would, in which case we would continue to date, hopefully on a more even footing; or, she wouldn't, in which case I likely wouldn't see her again. And, as I expected, without my initiating anymore, things quickly trailed off and after an email or two, I never heard from her again.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Profile needs looking at
Posted: 11/2/2011 6:53:06 PM
I didn't see the original version, but I think your current profile is quite good. Much better than the average profile on here, to be certain.

The only suggestion I would make is to consider getting rid of the last clause at the end of your second paragraph; where you talk about being single for four years. Although I get the point, it could be taken as negative, and considering how positive the rest of the profile is, it stands out a bit.

Oh, and FWIW, I think the socks rock.
Besides, isn't it better to be disliked / rejected for who you really are, than liked / wanted / desired for someone you really are not?

Beyond the profile, I would suggest you actively contact people you might be interested in (assuming you are not already doing so). Nothing like taking control of one's own destiny (or as much as you can, at any rate).
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
What would you do?
Posted: 11/2/2011 6:29:50 PM

I am now wondering if this is the kind of situation i am going to deal with since he has many other female friends.


Yep. If he's about your age, I would guess that having a lot of female friends, and doing things with them, is probably a part of his life at this point. And it's probably a part of his life he enjoys, otherwise he would have stopped doing it by now.


I do not want to lose him but at the same time i don't wanna waste my time competing for his attention with his female friends.


Is it a matter of him not spending enough time with you? Is he not available to do things with you? If so, wouldn't that be an issue whether his friends were male or female? So, what is the issue - his unavailability or that the people he spends time with are female?


. . . if he was ready to be in a relationship then he would not be attached to so many women out there.


As someone who has pretty much always had a lot of female friends, including exes, I must respectfully disagree with this statement. He may simply get along well with women and feel comfortable with them. And, considering that most relationships (and quite a few marriages) don't last, is he really supposed to "give up" his friendships? Would you ask that of him with respect to his male friends?

I think Mike nailed it when he wrote:

If they are in the true sense of the word friends then unless what he is doing would EQUALLY bother you if the person was male then the problem here is you and your own issues rather than any valid complaint
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
What motivates you to partake of the forums here ?
Posted: 11/2/2011 1:10:08 PM

So why, would you say, do YOU keep coming back to read, or to write , or both ?


Because, I find it utterly fascinating to see how people think, act and communicate, and the forums let me do that whenever I like, in whatever state of dress (or undress) I like;
Because, so many topics and responses are thoroughly entertaining;
Because, certain of the posts put life or parts of it in perspective, one way or another;
Because, on occasion, I learn something that is relevant and useful in my life;
Because, every now and then I like to snort coffee or beer out my nose after reading a particularly funny post;
Because, I enjoy communicating, especially in writing; and
Because, like Molly above, I feel a certain sense of community here; albeit an odd, somewhat dysfunctional community at times, but a community nonetheless.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Spicy Corona
Posted: 10/22/2011 2:02:59 PM

Why would you want to put anything in corona other than a lime, seems like a waste of good beer, that would be like mixing a soft drink with good whiskey.


Good beer? Call me a beer snob, but I find Corona to be nothing more than barley/rice/corn flavored water. So the better question is, why not add some additional flavoring?
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Does anybody think online dating is harder than meeting a person the old fashioned way?
Posted: 10/19/2011 10:49:10 AM


most of us have a better shot at meeting a REAL person at the supermarket, Walmart, etc,.

Which is because in person in that moment there is only you to focus on rather than someone else just one click away, they see how you look up close, and can feel if there is any kind of spark.


While the plethora of other profiles may play a role, I think it takes a far and distinct back seat to the rest; namely, that in person, you can see how a person really looks, acts, feel like, etc., and whether there is any attraction. As good as the most accurate profile and photos may be, they will still always be just a two dimensional representation, and will pale in comparison to the real thing.

I also think this is the reason why "one hit wonders" are so common in on-line dating. Until you meet someone in person, you really have very little, to no idea who they are, what they really look like, or whether there is any attraction. Never mind the countless profiles that bear no resemblance whatsoever to the real person, either in looks or personality.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
We talked about weight, well, what about height? :-)
Posted: 10/14/2011 9:52:36 AM
Is height more of an issue for women than men?

Sort of, as, IME, more women than men will quickly disqualify a potential date based on height (or lack thereof). However, I also think there are enough men that are uncomfortable with a significant height difference (especially if the women is much taller), that it's not exclusively an issue for women. Still, I know more men than women that will overlook an initial discomfort with a significant height difference, at least, to start, especially online.

Which leads to my next point, which someone else mentioned above; height seems to be much more of an issue on-line than IRL. In fact, I know a few women who have strict minimum height requirements on-line of 5'10" or above. These women won't respond to or contact anyone shorter than that. Yet, at the same time, they have dated men as short as 5'6" that they met IRL. So why the discrepancy? When I ask them, they usually say it's because on-line, they have to screen out guys somehow, and when it comes down to it, they would prefer to be with someone taller, but are willing to settle for someone shorter IRL who has something decent to offer.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
I don't want children ever, why don't people believe me. will i ever settle down again?
Posted: 8/13/2011 7:43:28 AM
OP, from the posts so far in this thread you should now realize that there are plenty of people who wish to remain childfree. And, as someone else mentioned, there are websites out there that even cater to this community. So, you are not the only one, and being single for ever is far from your only option.

However, that said, don't be surprised if you encounter a lot of "push back" from friends, family and others. It seems as if many people still have a hard time understanding or accepting that others choose to remain childfree. I have experienced it myself, and you will find discussions about this on many childfree sites. However, that just means it may take a bit longer to find someone who feels the same way you do; not that you won't find him.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 733 (view)
 
People who just write how are you
Posted: 8/5/2011 6:15:11 AM

In the real world, a "hi, how are you" is how any normal conversation gets started.


But see, this is online dating, and it bears very little, if any, relation to the real world.
For example, in real life, you don't get access to a whole batch of information about someone until after you have engaged them in conversation. But the average online dating profile contains a fair amount of information that you get access to before the conversation even starts.

That said, I do agree that it would be somewhat unrealistic for someone with a near empty profile (i.e., where "all they say is "music is my life" and "my friends and family are important to me") to expect a lengthy first contact email. But still, how much effort does it take to ask what kind of music, how large a family, etc.?
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Unforgettable
Posted: 8/2/2011 1:50:21 PM
Like someone else above, I haven't had it happen after meeting someone, but I've had it happen with messages. In fact, just recently on another site I received a third "first contact" email from a woman with whom I had previously had a somewhat lengthy email exchange that just sort of petered out.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
what to say.....
Posted: 7/28/2011 12:55:32 PM
I will join in with the other posters suggesting you might consider screening a bit better. By the time you meet with someone, you should have some basic idea of both whether you have things in common, and the probability that you will be able to have a decent conversation. IME and IMO, it doesn't take long to figure that out - a few emails back and forth and a look at the profile is usually sufficient. But, hey, maybe that's just me.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Facebook
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:34:13 AM


Is it just me? How on earth would you use Facebook for dating?

It's not just you. I don't get it, either.


It's been a while since I read the article I mentioned in my post, so my recollection may not be spot on. But I believe it recommended perusing your friends' "friend lists" for people you found attractive. Then, you could either try and flirt with them through their posts on the mutual friend's page, or ask the mutual friend to put in a good word / introduce you.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Facebook
Posted: 7/24/2011 5:58:34 AM

I would like to hear other opinions of weather or not they think Facebook is a good thing or a bad thing for dating....


As an active Facebook user, I think it can be both a good thing and a bad thing; like so many other things in life, it's all about how you use it. I am constantly amazed at some of the inappropriate and private things that people post, as well as people who add others as a friends, when they have gone out with them just once.

IMO, for the average person that uses Facebook, when you add someone as a friend, you both gain access to all sorts of information and meta-information about each other, both current and past. And just like the many other ways of getting to know about someone, that can be both good and bad.

I don't know anyone that uses Facebook as a way to find dates, but I did read an article once on how to do that, so I would expect it happens. But I don't think that is what the OP was getting at, and I think that may be more common in the younger age groups.

Final thought: Facebook doesn't kill relationships, the people in them do, through what they choose to post.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Do you ever see POF members in public?
Posted: 7/23/2011 7:30:34 AM

. . . have you ever seen a POF member in public? . . . Any interesting stories from the forumites?


I used to see POF members all the time when I was very active with Meetup. No particularly interesting stories, but a few interesting observations:

1. Many of the people I met IRL were a good bit different from the way they came across in their profiles;

2. Of those people I met and talked with about POF, about half seemed loathe to acknowledge they were on here. Almost as if it was some big secret; and

3. Of those women I met and got to know IRL through general social activities, several wound up dating men that didn't meet or even come close to the criteria they used to screen out men on-line.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Tightening my dating belt
Posted: 7/21/2011 2:36:03 PM
Around here, the local libraries have discount and free passes to all sorts of local museums and similar sites that you can use or borrow.

Check out local adult education - sometimes they have good one night lectures or events that are free or low cost.

Look on line for local sites that list events and happenings - the ones I am familiar with often post things last minute that are free or low cost.

Consider doing some volunteer work together, especially if there is a cause or issue you both feel passionately about.

And, consider checking out Meetup for groups that do things the two of you are interested in.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 55 (view)
 
First meetings...confirmations/cancellations.
Posted: 7/19/2011 5:26:43 AM
I always schedule first meets for a place I would go to anyway for a drink or a bite to eat. That way, if they don't show, I can just enjoy myself anyway. However, I have yet to have someone not show. I have had a couple of last minute cancellations though. In those cases, I always leave it up to the other person to reschedule. And if they don't, or if they do and then cancel again, I don't waste any more time on them.

I think it's a very good idea to exchange numbers, for the reasons people have mentioned. But I have encountered several women who weren't comfortable giving their numbers until after a meeting. Because I always meet someplace I would go anyway, it doesn't bother me too much, and I just "roll with it". However, it does make things interesting if you are running late or something unexpected comes up. But these days, with the proliferation of smart phones and the like, there's almost always a way to get in contact. For example, when I was running late once, on my way to a first meet with a woman who didn't want to give out her number, I sent an email from my phone, which she was able to read from her phone.

I am sure others will disagree, but the way I see it, if there is potential with another person, you will find a way to communicate that works for you both, or will have a laugh over communications that are missed. If not, then maybe there isn't such great potential.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
How much Porn Is To Much ?
Posted: 7/19/2011 4:47:19 AM

There's an image look-up site called Tineye.com. You copy whatever pic you want to check onto your desktop or somewhere, then upload it into Tineye, and it tells you if it finds it, and where. It doesn't always find stuff, because it's far from comprehensive, but it found SIX places where this pic was in use, one in Holland, one in the UK, one and two or three here.
So WHAT EVER this OP is, "it" isn't the person pictured.


What I find interesting is that the person in the photo appears to be Raven Riley, a porn actress.

Either OP has a fine sense of irony, or is, indeed, a troll.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Why did you choose Plenty of Fish? Thoughts on other Dating Sites?
Posted: 7/11/2011 2:05:30 PM
Yep. You can't beat the price; that's for sure.

But a big draw for me, and pretty much the only reason I stay here are the forums.

For whatever reason, when it comes to dating, my experiences have been much better on a different site.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Why put multiple pictures of their pets in their profile
Posted: 6/30/2011 3:56:28 PM

Posting pictures of yo ucats and dogs just becuase they are part of your family is NOT a true reason to POST them. Yourkids are "part odf the family" too but you dont post pictures of them . . .


Actually, I have come across several profiles where people, both male and female, have done exactly that.


Why not just say it in your profile itself that you HAVE a dog or a cat . . .


Because a good number of people either don't read, don't understand, or don't pay attention to what is written in profiles. And, actually, along those lines, if someone is truly passionate about riding, then it may not be such a bad idea to post a photo of their motorcycle. Just sayin'
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Am I the only one?
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:19:57 AM
Being mindful not to turn this into a profile review (there's a separate section for that), I think you did a good job with that sentence.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Am I the only one?
Posted: 6/25/2011 2:19:45 PM

Maybe I should start out with friends, e-mailing back and forth that may progress to dating later on down the road. Kind of like working up the ladder. I've seen several people on here that are here for just friends. I don't have anything against meeting people, I just want to do it in my time and when I'm ready. I may want to exchange messages between someone for a couple of weeks to a month before I ever even consider meeting them. That is why now I am thinking maybe "Friends" is more of a better fit for the time being.


Different people use this site differently, and you should use it the way that feels right to you. However, just be aware that the majority of guys probably won't like using the same way. So, with that in mind, and considering how important this seems to be for you, I would suggest you consider mentioning it in your profile, and that you also initiate contact with guys that do interest you. That way you should maximize your chances of finding someone compatible in that way.

Also, you might want to take a look at the multiple threads about using this site for "friends". If you do, I expect you will come to realize that it can be a bit of a touchy subject.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Am I the only one?
Posted: 6/25/2011 12:20:35 PM

It's actually fun meeting people even if it doesn't go any further than one time. I don't understand people saying it's a waste of time.


I couldn't agree more. It's just a meeting. Provided you take basic precautions, like meeting in a public place, letting someone know where you're going to be, etc. (which are always a good idea anyway), how bad could it be? And, while it's a good idea to swap cell numbers before a meeting (in case one of you has to cancel, or is running late), it's not really necessary.

IME, I can learn a whole lot more about who a person is, and what they are about, in a short face-to-face meeting than I can over the course of a string of emails. And that goes double when it comes to someone who intentionally fabricates an online persona. Also, maybe it's just me, but I have found that more often than not, a first meet is the only time I will meet a given person. So, why not proceed to meeting as soon as possible? After all, isn't that really why most of us are on here?


Honestly, I hate talking on the phone. Being an Administrative Assistant, spend hours on the phone for work and through the years just have grown to hate it. I would rather talk via internet or in person. Haven't quite figured out how to get past all that.


I feel the same way, and this is yet another reason why I like to meet in person as soon as possible. Plus, I feel that, more often than not, if you have the time to talk to someone on the phone, you can just as easily meet them in person for a drink, coffee, bite to eat, etc.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Stray Cat Question - What would you do?
Posted: 6/13/2011 6:44:14 PM
Thanks for all the replies. It's very interesting to see the diversity of opinions.

Since my initial post, Spike has continued to come around daily, although he did make himself scarce for a bit when we had some thunderstorms and pouring rain the other day. Tonight, as soon as I got home, he came running from the neighbors yard, yelling at me the whole way. What's that saying about how you don't claim a cat, a cat claims you?

And, to clarify, I spent several years involved with cat rescue - trapping, fostering and socializing strays and ferals of all ages. So, when I say that he is great shape, I really do mean he is in great shape; way better shape than any of the cats I worked with. His fur, pads and teeth are all extremely clean; much more so than you would expect to see with an outdoor cat. There is also a marked absence of apparent scars or wounds; unlike most of the strays that I have worked with.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
"Stray" Cat Question - What would you do?
Posted: 6/12/2011 10:08:37 AM
About three years ago, this big orange, un-neutered tabby cat (who I call "Spike") started coming around my house. He was in great shape, very sweet and affectionate, and clearly was, or at one point had been, someone's pet. I would take turns with my ex-gf (who was still living with me at that point), spending time with him outside, and we would put food and water out for him. On more than one occasion, I had him in my lap, purring away.

After a while, we decided to try and see if he belonged to someone, so we fitted him with a breakaway collar containing a note with our phone number. When he came back less than 24 hours later, without the collar and without our receiving any call, we figured he did belong to someone and just kept feeding him and giving him affection.

That was over a year and a half ago, and since then Spike has only come by once or twice, the last time being over a year ago. But this past weekend he showed up, yelling for food and attention, as always, and just as affectionate as ever. I started putting food and water out for him, and spending time with him again, and he has come around almost every day since. He comes up to my back door and sits there crying and looking in, waiting for me to come out and pet him.

I posted a photo of him on Facebook and several of my friends have urged me to claim him and have him fixed. Considering what good shape he is in, and the bit of extra weight he seems to have on him, I would say it's a fair bet that he still belongs to someone who either lets him out on occasion or leaves him out all the time. However, I live on a very busy road, and there are a fair number of coyotes around, so life outside poses a pretty big risk to him.

What would you do?
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 302 (view)
 
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/9/2011 11:56:07 AM

. . . the cure for lonliness is to fix you, not find a relationship. . . You shouldn't need another person to fill an emptiness.


I'm not so sure about that for everyone. It seems to me that humans are social animals that require interpersonal connections and relationships for their general emotional well being. To that extent, I think that, in general, the average person does need other people to balance emptiness or loneliness. Otherwise, we would all do perfectly fine with solitary confinement.

However, that doesn't mean that we necessarily need a romantic relationship or that someone who is lonely might not also need to "fix" themselves. In fact, I would definitely agree that trying to deal with or compensate for loneliness through a romantic relationship is a fundamentally bad idea for many reasons. But I don't think it's all about someone who is lonely "fixing" themselves.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Giving naughty pictures of myself as a gift
Posted: 5/17/2011 9:06:49 AM

Would the average guy that enjoys reading a swimsuit issue really want to see pictures of his girl like that (if she didn't have the body to justify it).


I would. Absolutely.

Although, I like Butterfly's suggestion a whole lot better; and not just because I'm into photography. Taking photos of someone, one on one, can be a very powerful, very intimate act, even when fully clothed in normal, "street" clothes. Add a bit of sexy wardrobe, some appropriate music, and it could make for a truly memorable time.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Humanity~ what does it mean to you?
Posted: 5/15/2011 4:16:58 PM
When I think of humanity, I think of creativity.

in the arts;
in literature;
in music;
in governments and legal systems;
in religion;
in science;
in sexuality;
in poetry;
in relationships and love;
and, unfortunately, also

in cruelty;
in war;
and in terror.

To me, that is what represents humanity. Our ability to conceive, imagine, design and implement new ideas in so many different facets of life; both for good and for ill.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Who You Attract vs Who You're Attracted To
Posted: 5/15/2011 1:26:44 PM

Do you find that you attract the same type that you're attracted to? Or do you find that there's a major difference between the people you contact and the ones who contact you?


It depends on the medium / environment. I haven't found a major difference in real life, but online is another story.


I've found that I get messages from men I don't find attractive, while I send messages that go unanswered to the men I AM attracted to.


That's pretty much been my experience here on POF (with one or two notable exceptions). However, I have been pleasantly surprised by my experiences recently on another site. While there is still a difference there, it is far from a major difference, and a lot closer to what I experience IRL.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 176 (view)
 
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/15/2011 6:18:09 AM

My experience with online dating has shown me that men rarely seem to understand that single on my profile means "never married" . . .


Just a thought, but I know several women who list themselves as single when they are really divorced or separated. Maybe these men have encountered similar women, and have learned, as I have, to understand the term "single" to include a range of actual situations.


I guess in the end, each person is going to have their own red flags and never having been married seems to be one that some people have. I think it's about time we started showing our flags more clearly so that those with the same colors can get together on the same team.


Exactly. I look at many of the couples I know and see what most on here would consider "red flags" in one or both of the partners. However, that doesn't stop them from enjoying each other and having what seem to be healthy, happy relationships; some of which are very long term. As with so many things, it's mostly relative. Besides, if we were all perfect, how boring would that be?!

As to the OP, I don't particularly care if a woman is never married. However, like many others, one thing I do take into account is whether or not she has had any significant, long term relationships. I would be wary of someone over 40 who had a string of relationships that were all less than a year.

On the flip side, I have not yet had a woman tell me or otherwise indicate that she ruled me out because I am over 40 and never married. However, during general conversation in social settings, several women have asked me rather pointed, almost accusatorial questions about my status.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 927 (view)
 
what is everyones opin on tattoos?
Posted: 5/14/2011 7:10:53 PM
How much is too much?

I don't have a set limit, although if someone were covered from head to toe, I think that might be a bit much for my tastes. When it comes to what is too much, I guess it's like pornography - I'll know it when I see it.

I have seen women with full sleeves on both arms who looked great, and others with the same coverage where it looked like too much. To me, tattoos are a form of art. And, as with other forms of art, there are a multitude of factors that go into what might move or inspire me; such as balance or symmetry, color, shapes, forms, themes, etc. Also, I have seen quite a few designs that covered a good amount of the body that, to me, accented the natural shape and curves, such as floral designs that wrap around the torso, sometimes starting up at a shoulder, and winding down to a leg.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 926 (view)
 
what is everyones opin on tattoos?
Posted: 5/14/2011 6:29:16 AM
In response to the OP, and as someone in the over 30 crowd without any tats (yet), I definitely like ink and find that it can be a turn on. That said, I have seen some designs or placements that were off-putting or just didn't appeal to me (e.g., not a big fan of neck and head tats). But, in general I have found that they were the exceptions and not the norm. Tramp stamp, ankle tat, half-sleeve, full sleeve, body ink, etc., it's all good; especially if it means something to the person wearing it.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
How do guys make friends with other guys?
Posted: 5/1/2011 9:55:32 AM
I second the meetup suggestion. I have been active there for a couple years and have made several friends. And while most have been women, a couple are men. And if you don't find a meetup group doing something you like, it's very easy to start a new group (although there is a fee that goes along with it), and, unless it's something really off the wall, it doesn't usually take all that long to get people to join and start hanging out.

There's also another similar network - meetin dot org. I don't know if there's a chapter in your area, but it's worth checking out as well.

And, if you are into outdoor activities, check out our local REI store - they often have classes and activities.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Seems like online dating is harder than Reality
Posted: 5/1/2011 9:43:06 AM

So we want more. We will not settle for less. And look the grass looks so very good over there.


I have no doubt this applies to a certain group of people involved in online dating, but I don't think it applies to all. After all, someone operating under such principles would likely act that way in real life too, at least to some extent. However, IME, that isn't the case. Rather, I have noticed a lot of people behaving one way online and another offline. As I have written in other threads, I know a couple of women that have absolute deal breaker requirements they apply on line that they ignore in real life, such as minimum height, minimum income, etc.

So, to me, there has to be something peculiar to the online experience that causes or contributes to this variance in behavior. Whether that be the limiting, two dimensional nature of the medium; the number (or lack) of first contact messages; the fact that so many profiles are so similar to each other; or something else.

But then, I have also noticed that many people, in person, act or seem noticeably different than their profiles. So, all in all, I would say that there is a sort of artificial reality inherent in online dating. At least, until you actually meet someone and take things offline. And, while it is fascinating to discuss and debate it, in the end, it is what it is; it is neither harder nor easier, just different.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Dating someone with kids when your childless
Posted: 5/1/2011 5:36:30 AM
"Don't settle for what you don't want when it comes to looking for a mate, be picky but be reasonable within compromise."


That was excellent advice, as was everything the posters above have written.

OP, you don't say whether you are attracting single mothers online or in real life. But if online, I suggest you make it clear on your profile that when it comes to single mothers, you prefer friendship only.

Also, in your OP you don't make clear whether this is an issue for you because you don't want kids at all, because you don't want another person's kids, or something else. So again, if you are drawing these women online, you may want to clarify a bit, especially considering that on your profile you indicate "undecided/open" with respect to wanting children.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
How to tell if a woman (or man) is interested
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:32:33 AM
Heh. Okay, how about this . . .


I mean grinding her crotch against me like my puppy used to ?????? Wow a Beagle (I couldn't say****r spanial) What does that mean??????


She had an itch she just had to scratch.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
How to tell if a woman (or man) is interested
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:03:00 AM
^^^^^^^ LMAO!!! That is too funny, Cowboy!!


What the hell does that mean anyway when a gal takes off her panties on the dance floor and shoots them at you like a slingshot???


She was hot, and had to find some way to cool down.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
How to tell if a woman (or man) is interested
Posted: 4/27/2011 3:34:40 PM
^^^^^^^ Interesting idea. I can see that working.

I also think Outmind's "ping" technique is an excellent idea and would work with a substantial majority of women, but not all. For example, I used to be friends with a woman who was so open with her personal space that she would initiate touch and was very comfortable being touched by just about everyone. As a result, many guys, including me, mistakenly thought she was interested at one point or another. But I would expect she was more of an exception and not the rule.

As a side note, I found it fascinating when I mentioned this to her (after having known her a couple of years), and she seemed completely, sincerely, and utterly dumbfounded. She had no idea what she had been doing, but suddenly understood why so many guys were always asking her out. You could almost see the light bulb turn on over her head.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How to tell if a woman (or man) is interested
Posted: 4/27/2011 5:39:54 AM
Once again Igor gives some good advice.

Signals are subjective and always subject to interpretation. In addition, depending upon the skill and experience of the "sender", they may not accurately reflect her (or his) intentions or desires. For example, a smile, a laugh or a touch might all just indicate a desire for friendship, even though many men might understood them as something more.

I recently mentioned this in another thread: I have seen numerous female friends give what they thought were clear and unambiguous signals to male friends of mine. However, the men had no clue at all that they were being given the green light. As a result, the women thought that the guys had no interest in them, which was completely wrong, and both the men and the women were left unhappy and unsatisfied.

My suggestion would be, unless you are getting clear and unequivocal signs of non-interest (hopefully less than a restraining order), if you are interested, express that interest by initiating conversation. What's the worst that can happen?
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
keywords
Posted: 4/25/2011 6:35:20 AM
. . . what is it that's written in that profile that immediately tells you that you're not interested?


When a woman lists "shopping" as an interest; especially if it's one of only three to four interests listed. While not averse to shopping, I wonder about people that have elevated it to an "interest".

When a woman lists the gym, going to the gym, or something similar as an interest. I can appreciate fitness and being active, but I've never been able to get into the gym scene myself. So if she is sufficiently into it to list it as an interest, I doubt we would be a good match.

When a woman uses a headline like "make me laugh" or includes something like that in her narrative, especially if it is a requirement. Seriously? Why not just hang out at a comedy club then?

Headlines or references in the profile to "prince" or "princess". I get my fill of that from the media coverage of the British Royal Family. I don't need it in dating.

There are more, but those are the first four that come to mind.

Oh, and like so many others, "just ask"; especially when it is the second sentence in a two sentence narrative.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Okay I changed it up-
Posted: 4/25/2011 5:23:01 AM

Now am I on the right track? I'm trying not the let the few bad experiences get to me!


Much better! :)
Two further suggestions for you. First, consider losing the first paragraph. You don't really need it, and your profile is longer than many, so some might disagree. However, just to be clear, I do like that your profile has some length to it. To me, that is far preferable to a two sentence profile that sounds like so many others.

Second, consider "tweaking" the eleventh paragraph as follows:

From:

I know a lot of the guys on here like to eat healthy: so do I. I watch sugar, carbs, fat, etc. I try to eat minimally- not a lot of junk. I enjoy Starbucks Chai once or twice a week. I do like salads, lean meats, etc. However on occasion I love an In & Out Burger or my favorite, the Gourmet Burger Grill in San Antonio- they have the absolute BEST burgers around!


To:
I like to eat healthy: I watch sugar, carbs, fat, etc. and try to avoid junk food. However, I still enjoy a Starbucks Chai once or twice a week. And, on occasion, I will indulge in an In & Out Burger, or my favorite, the Gourmet Burger Grill in San Antonio- they have the absolute BEST burgers around!

(Note to self - when in San Antonio, check out the Gourmet Burger Grill)
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Review
Posted: 4/24/2011 7:15:11 PM
OP, I can't speak to the quality of men in your area, but I can tell you my initial, gut reaction to your current profile wasn't good. As someone pointed out in the other thread you posted, there is an awful lot of negativity in there, especially in the first four and second to last paragraphs. And, as HotMama put it, that is quite off-putting. At least, it is to me. And, considering that many people in on-line dating seem to make quick, snap decisions, that is likely to put you at a disadvantage right off the bat. Which is a shame, as you are attractive and your photos are good.

I would suggest leaving those paragraphs and all the negativity out. Instead, focus on what you have to offer and what you are looking for instead - I thought your fifth, sixth and seventh paragraphs were fine. Maybe add a mention as to some of the things you want to do to explore the area? Or expand a bit about your interest in ancient history and religion?

And, OT, it's good to see you took the advice in your other thread and posted in the forum review section. :)
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Being on a dating site.
Posted: 4/24/2011 5:19:50 PM

I see people are on here for years and looking for someone.


But have they been active and looking the entire time? I think some fishes, especially forumites, may change their status / looking for when they are seeing someone, but still stay on POF for friends or the forums. Still others may hide their profile and go inactive while seeing someone. Then, when it doesn't work, they unhide and / or change their profile back accordingly. This certainly describes my use of this site.


Is it that hard to find someone?


To find someone? I don't think so.
To find the right someone? Maybe, probably, depending on what you are looking for in a partner and a relationship.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Why put multiple pictures of their pets in their profile
Posted: 4/17/2011 3:46:01 PM
try re reading my post S L O W L Y next time, what did I say?


No need for the attitude. I understood what you wrote. My first paragraph was a direct response to your question about why people might post photos of only their pets. Moreover, if you read my second paragraph closely, you should understand my anecdotal suggestion that people who post photos of only their pets (in addition to a main photo of themselves, of course) may be doing something right.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Why put multiple pictures of their pets in their profile
Posted: 4/17/2011 3:16:45 PM

I would love to know the reason behind that as well, nothing is more annoying to see a profile with 8 pics and 6 of them is their pets, I dont get it, are you looking to set your pet up?

I get the pics of people with their pets , but the pets by them selves?


Maybe it's a screening tool to keep people who either don't like or are ambivalent about pets away? Maybe their pets are really that important to them, and they want to make sure that message is heard loud and clear? Maybe they are that proud of their pets, and can't help showing them off? Does it really matter? If it annoys you that much, hit the back button.

And consider this: I have pretty much always had at least one photo of me with my dog. Yet I have still received first contact messages from i) a woman who was deathly afraid of dogs; ii) a woman who was severely allergic to dogs; and iii) a woman who thought pets were a waste of space. So maybe I should have added a couple of extra photos of my hound, just to make sure it was clear that my date "must love dogs"?
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Zombie Movies??
Posted: 4/17/2011 3:04:41 PM
Considering this:

I'm starting to get into this (somewhat) new sub genre where its a bioweapon used to disrupt civilian centers bit somehow it gets loose.

I recommend you check out the Spanish film REC. It was remade by Hollywood as Quarantine, but the original is much better.

And for something a little different, there is the Nazi zombie movie Dead Snow; especially if you like a little humor mixed in with your undead.

Personally, I like that there are so many zombie movies now, even if I don't like them all. The more that are made, the more the chance that a really good one will see the light of day.

And I actually like the twist that the "runners" bring to the genre. Ramps up the terror a bit for me.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Get rid of the car question, seriously!
Posted: 4/14/2011 4:36:06 AM
OP, you may find the car question superficial, but I must respectfully disagree. It can actually be helpful, for exactly the reason Cowboy points out. If I am considering dating someone who lives some distance from me in a suburban / rural area, and that person does not have a car, I have to consider the distinct possibility that I will always have to drive to them in order to see them. Now, I may choose to do this, I may not. It would likely depend on the distance and the person. But either way, I would certainly prefer to know up front.

And while some people may use the answer to the car question as a substitute for wealth, I doubt most would. If someone is that concerned about material status, I would expect them far more likely to use the income question as a screening tool.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Making new friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 9:52:34 AM
As other have said, Meetup dot com is a great way to broaden your social circle and make new friends and acquaintances. And, in the unlikely event that you can't find a group that caters to one (or more) of your interests, it's easy to start your own.

There is another, similar organization - meetin dot org - also worth checking out.

If you like to do volunteer work, there are plenty of websites that will match volunteers with causes / groups.

If you like outdoor activities, check out your local REI - they usually run classes, clinics and activities.

While you may be able to meet people and make friends via community education classes and the like, my own experience was that a lot of people were there just for the topic on hand, and would disappear the instant class was over.


This is absolutely relevant to relationships in general, IMO, BTW. Friendships are important relationships, and how to find potential friendships quite belongs here in my opinion.


I couldn't agree more.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Who You Attract vs Who You're Attracted To
Posted: 4/7/2011 6:06:28 AM

. . . we attract people that feel like equals or a little better than we are.


And isn't this sometimes the problem? Just because someone who contacts us feels like they are our equal or better, that doesn't make it so. Moreover, they may feel like they are an equal or better in only one category, such as general looks, weight, personality, interests, or something else, and seize upon that perceived commonality to the exclusion of all the other things that may be different.
 
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