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 Author Thread: Gold Diggers, or someone of that ilk
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Gold Diggers, or someone of that ilk
Posted: 12/18/2009 10:26:52 AM
Most women who prey upon men and who seek to manipulate them as success objects are not that clever. It has been mentioned that a gold digger is like a prostitute, only smarter. Their craftiness however, is based on their victim's ignorance, not on their own skills in the art of deception. I would rewrite the phrase to read, the gold digger is like a prostitute, only less principled. I can respect a prostitute, insofar as her business proposition is a mutually assured contractual agreement, entered into voluntarily and between two consenting adults. The gold digger makes no such claim or promise. If she were to be forthright regarding her intentions from the very beginning, it would be unnecessary and inaccurate to label her a “gold digger”.

Novice gold diggers usually drop hints along the way that allow for the light of truth to pierce their veil of pretext. One woman who initiated contact with me, attempted to discreetly mention in our first dialogue, her affinity for an “ambitious” man. An inadvertent disclosure of her dubious motives was strengthened, when she revealed a preoccupation with money matters in the same opening phone conversation. Red flags could now be easily spotted. I attempted to give her the benefit of the doubt but at no time did she give any indication that she would make any financial contributions to the relationship. She went so far as to offer up a primer of the financial stability differences between a "professional" man such as a doctor or lawyer and those of the entrepreneur, whose net worth is more often subject to the ebbs and flows of the economy. Later in the same conversation it became indisputably apparent that she lacked any hint of the same personal determination for materialistic success. Her present career choice confirmed that fact. Yet, she was insistent that her chosen man possess "success", the crucial attribute that made him an eligible suitor. She also failed to indicate in this or any future conversation, any personal or emotional contribution of value that she would bring to a mutually loving relationship, in order to help assure its stability, happiness and longevity.

After she told me of her date with a man who did not live up to her expectations because he did not provide her with her customary free dinner at the precise moment that she insisted on being fed, I attempted to ask this her a reasonable and pertinent question. "Please define your definition of ambition and success." That was all it took to get her hang up the phone and scurry away. Gold diggers and conspiracies cannot survive in the light of truth.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
The Fart to End all Farts!!!!!!
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:49:32 AM
I once dated a girl whose farts could end a marriage. I am sure glad I didn't marry her.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Honesty?
Posted: 11/28/2009 4:07:20 AM
In my view, the plea for honesty is too often thrown into a profile with careless disregard. This mandatory prerequisite, most often made by women has become a misused and misrepresented buzz word. The word’s inclusion into dating profiles has become reactionary and routine. Most who order up a heapin’ helpin’ of honesty fail to examine what they are truly asking for. I contend that the vast majority of women do not desire honesty. What they are really seeking is to avoid be deceived. These are two vastly different notions. If you are truly honest with a woman you'll often be treading on very thin ice. Being up front about her appearance, attitude, hang-ups, manners, culinary skills, lifestyle, kids, quirks, previous relationships and life's choices will not score you any Brownie points. Instead, you'll be rewarded with hostility, resentment and rejection. Like Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown at the last second, believing a woman who promises to admire a man who gives her honesty, will too often leave him flat on his ass. Women tend to desire candor so long as it benefits them. When it hits too close to home, the truth is no longer a virtue but a unsought burden. Women are wise to examine carefully in advance, whether the truth they seek is psychologically manageable.

By instead, expecting a man not to mislead her, a woman has a better opportunity to capture her real objective which is to prevent herself from being hurt. In addition, she will spare herself the indignation that unrestrained honesty is almost certain to produce. A woman’s main concerns are fidelity, devotion, respect, dependability and affection so why not preclude the ambiguity and cut right to the chase?

Always give a woman what she wants which is not necessarily what she asks for.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Pictures of women with a man
Posted: 11/25/2009 6:55:46 AM
The contributors to this forum topic bring up some excellent points. It is certainly undeniable and understandable that almost every woman is going to have at least one man in her past. I believe anyone who would be jealous upon seeing a mere picture of a gal and and an ex-boyfriend or husband probably has bigger issues to deal with. But if you're attempting to attract a new mate it can become a bit disconcerting and detrimental to the cause. Imagine the reaction of most guys is the woman's profile were full of references to her ex. Also, I'll venture to guess that the so-called fair sex would not play so fair if one of us had an ex in the literal picture. I still maintain, why take chances? Blur, cut, mask or CGI 'em out of there. The self-image you save may be your own.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Pictures of women with a man
Posted: 11/25/2009 12:24:51 AM
A very valid point and astute observation. I admire those women who include a picture of themselves on their profile but certainly understand the reasons why some refrain from doing so. But posting a picture that contains even a hint of a man who is not clearly identifiable as a son, father or brother is a visual kiss of death. A woman initiated contact with me and her picture (while very cute) showed a man kissing her. A perfectly reasonable explanation is undoubtedly at the ready but why put off potential suitors? Take the time to crop, zoom, cover or Photoshop the bloke out. By doing so, the picture's worth and potential won't be diminished.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
When His Moustache Comes Between You!
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:57:21 AM

Myth alert!! This is a myth. European women do shave their underarms, and their legs, and wax their bikini line....Sheesh.....


Myth my pit! I did not write that all European women refrain from shaving their underarms, I wrote that many do. Many is a relative term but it is accurate when compared with their North American counterparts. And I never inferred anything about legs or bikini lines. I have personal knowledge of this as a dated a lass who skipped the razor and when she raised her arms, gave a whole new meaning to the line, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair."
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Pet peeve that ruined the outing
Posted: 4/17/2009 8:28:32 AM
There is something here that requires more detail. Be specific about the things that make your guy, "a nice guy". You have only been out with him a couple of times so how many times in total did he not hold the door? To me it sounds like his lack of door holding may be a symptom of something bigger. But onward to your question.

It is foolish for something so minor to be catalyst for ending a relationship that would otherwise produce a fine partnership. Especially a habit, flaw, quirk or idiosyncrasy that can be easily corrected. A woman must be responsible for a least speaking up and telling the man what offends her and what pleases her. The man is obliged to do the same. A quick hint to solving the door dilemma would be to hold the door open for him and allow him to go through first. Most men feel very uncomfortable when a woman does this so he should get the hint after the first couple of times.

As a footnote to your topic I recall many years ago when the book, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" was published. The misogynist author, John Gray insisted that no woman riding in the passenger seat should reach over to unlock the driver's side car door for the man. Utter nonsense. Thankfully the issue is now moot, thanks to so many cars having electric locks as standard equipment.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Have you ever loved someone enough to let them go?
Posted: 4/17/2009 7:38:14 AM
missed a letter in the last post:

I believe in loving someone enough to let them GROW.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Why are so many attractive people divorced?
Posted: 4/17/2009 7:05:43 AM
If you are attempting to the equate the divorce rate based on something as superficial as physical attractiveness I believe you have answered your own question. Any relationship founded solely on physical appearance is bound to eventually dissolve. A successful marriage requires practical as well as spiritual components. The physical aspects may fade but the more critical ingredients of love, respect, understanding, forgiveness, a common vision and a commitment to a greater good are the foundation for binding two people to one-another over the course of time. It is the wise person who knows to sacrifice transitory beauty for overwhelming happiness.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Going from a high to a low maintenence partner.
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:41:48 AM
Being low maintenance is a relationship fallacy. We are all high maintenance. It is just that some are more high maintenance than others.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Have you ever loved someone enough to let them go?
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:34:21 AM
I believe in loving someone enough to let the GROW.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
When His Moustache Comes Between You!
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:12:11 AM

Why do men grow grotesque, huge facial hair? I met someone I relate to on a couple of levels and it was quite pleasant. Truthfully, all I could see was this monstrous moustach that was SO big and thick it looked like two dead squirrels had been hair jelled together...but ok it was only a conversation and a cup of coffee. I enjoyed his company until he wanted to get closer...well he couldn't GET that close because of this really really THICK HUGE Moustache--and when he tried to kiss me...well. I withdrew. The thought of that big hairy thing scratching and poking my face and lips...I do not remember what HE looked like but I can tell you minute details of his stash! Why do guys DO that? I am a firm believer that the fancier the facial hair, the more the guy is trying to hide.


As someone who has had a mustache for many years, I cannot resist commenting on this forum post. To you, facial hair may be grotesque but to another gal it may be rather attractive. I can attest to the fact that a man will attract different women depending on his abundance or lack of facial hair. Clean shaven, a man will attract women who would not give him a second look if he had a mustache. Some women prefer full beards as a mere mustache just doesn't do it for them. To each their own. Should a man reject a woman solely based on the amount of the hair on her head? Supposes she chooses to not shave her underarms as many European women do? On the flip side, if the only thing standing between you and true love is facial hair, the man may choose to shave it off. Perhaps you and he can reach a compromise. For example allow him to have it during a certain time of year. I assume you knew he had a mustache when you met him so there must have been other redeeming qualities about him that displaced the fact that he has facial hair.

One of my personal heros, Ayn Rand said that her ideal man had something to hide if he sported any facial hair. I personally believe the notion is as nonsensical as a woman covering her true self with the use of makeup. Besides, no one ever gave Ayn Rand any flack over her mustache.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Ever meet a religious zealot who suddenly starts becoming sexually suggestive?
Posted: 3/23/2009 11:30:23 AM
Zekestone,

Thank you for your cautionary tale about using caution with a piece of tail. I agree that religious fanaticism is a visible symptom of more serious illnesses like neurosis or obsessive compulsive behavior. I am glad you brought up "hell" because it evoked a memory of yet another woman, this one happened to be a Catholic. She was adorable (on the outside) and I took her to dinner one evening. After driving her home and walking her to her door she disclosed without warning: "I'm not on the pill or anything. I know if I have premarital sex I'll be committing a sin but if I use any type of birth control I'll go right to hell." I thanked her for a lovely evening, kissed her on the check and drove home. I had no intention of trying anything on the first date anyway. Little did I know when the evening started that her Catholic angst would prevent a second date.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Ever meet a religious zealot who suddenly starts becoming sexually suggestive?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:42:31 AM

How does one become SO zealot...?



NEVER engage in the Topic of Religion... what DOES it have to do with SEX?
Politics are a BAD topic 2...


1984loveis,

Thank you for contributing to my forum topic.

One crosses the line into religious fanaticism when they start believing that their religious path is only truth. A person like this immediately dismisses every other spiritual belief system. I do not consider myself a religious person but I passionate support the idea of religious freedom and the separation of church and state. I consider one's religion's ideals to be a very personal matter

I do not necessarily agree that the topics of religion or politics need to be off limits in a dating scenario. They are part of your identity. Within the best relationship I ever had, my gal and I did not have the same spiritual beliefs. She had no interest in politics while I am a very vocal, constitutionalist libertarian. She was a gem of a women who was wise beyond her years, had a heart as big as the sun and contributed to made making me a better man. Many are also of the opinion that discussing sex too early in a relationship is a sure fire way to offend a potential mate. That is why I always wait for the woman to initiate any discussion about sex. Once she decrees it should be out in the open a man can jump right in. When a man opens the topic, most women will be on the defensive and misjudge him as being sexually obsessed.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Ever meet a religious zealot who suddenly starts becoming sexually suggestive?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:01:22 AM

I'm a religious Zealot and I hardly ever become sexually suggestive to people. By "hardly ever," I mean not all the time. By, "not all the time," I mean not at this moment. By, "not at this moment," I mean I'd like to know what every woman on this thread is wearing.


Parlabrea,
Thank you for the comic relief. Even an acute case of self-righteousness may be remedied with the powerful antidote contained within laughter.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Ever meet a religious zealot who suddenly starts becoming sexually suggestive?
Posted: 3/20/2009 5:38:14 AM
Another woman who classified herself as god-fearing Christian, initiated contact with me even though I made it quite clear I did not share her religious views. She was specifically looking for a Christian man and while I was raised in a conservative Judaic home, I now classify myself as non-religious. Very soon, she steered the conversations toward her sexual appetite. The topic went from dogma to dildos and her desire for unnatural acts replaced discussing the Book Of Acts.


Also quite apparent in my conversations with these women was that their intelligence levels were in direct disproportion to their degree of religious fanaticism. The more they relied on an unsubstantiated belief system, the less they knew about anything else. In fact, they were significantly uneducated when compared to less self-righteous women I have encountered. Are there any observations on this point that someone who like to contribute?

The more rationally moderate one's religious convictions are the easier it becomes to accept their all too human desires. When their believe system boarders on or lies within the fringe of fanaticism, we perceive them as living by a double-standard. I agree with most of the forum contributers that we are only human. So it seems as if there are two great equalizers in this life, death........and sex.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Ever meet a religious zealot who suddenly starts becoming sexually suggestive?
Posted: 3/19/2009 8:14:57 PM
I really enjoyed reading all the responses. Thank you all for taking the time to read my forum post and for contributing. Your answers were candid, insightful and just plain hilarious.


Tessie,
I am not bragging or complaining, merely observing. Honest to god.

freetime2bme,
Thank you for the inside information. In my particular case with one of these ladies, she spent over an hour on the phone insisting that every passage in the New Testament was the literal word of god, devoid of any mistakes, contradictions or misinterpretations. She even suggested that I drop to my knees and pray to god prior to retiring for the evening. After she exhausted herself on scripture she wanted to change the subject. Did she ever. The next thing she said was that she wished she had a man in her bed and quizzed me about masturbation. The lord works in mysterious ways.

Flittery,
Please specify what I said that bashed anyone's religious convictions. I am simply relating what happened. If I needed a good reason to bash religion and the hypocrisy contained within its hallowed confines, your sanctimonious and judgmental reply just provided me with ample ammunition.

Yogibear,
It is fascinating to think that this could be just a ploy to get me change into a goy.

Antz,
Great post. Many thanks. It sounds like you were constantly moving in a vicious circle from Christmas to Mardi Gras then to Lent and Yom Kippur rolled into one. She had you swinging on the chandelier one minute one hanging by a cross the next.

Ross,
Thanks. Yes, I can appreciate that we are all human, sometimes in the worst of ways. I suppose if she did not come on as so self-righteous I wouldn’t have batted an eye. I have certainly dated observantly religious women before but they were moderate in their beliefs so it seemed natural and consistent.

kpooks,
Thank you. I agree with you wholeheartedly regarding the trust issue and it certainly makes sense that one I’ve met is sexually repressed. I almost talked her into having phone sex but she was afraid of an ear infection.

Doc,
Uproariously appropriate! If you haven't quite fulfilled the lord's mission, it sounds like you have fulfilled someone.

SweetSmartNSassy,
Wonderfully witty tale. I have certainly experienced my share of CHINOS. (Christians In Name Only).

JustAWench,
Another gem of a night’s tale. May the lord smite me with that kind of penance.

RosiaG,
I guess they are attempting to test out the old adage about power being the greatest aphrodisiac. Practicing what you preach is one thing but when the preacher insists that you practice on him, that is quite another.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Ever meet a religious zealot who suddenly starts becoming sexually suggestive?
Posted: 3/19/2009 3:10:48 PM
Luckyhot,

Thank you for contributing. I never used the word hypocrite. I have no problem with this behavior, I simply wish to understand it. I also recall a liaison with a preacher's daughter. The preacher's daughter however did not preach. I guess she was the prodigal daughter in a way. I would not deny any religious person their inherently human sexuality. More power to them. I have known agnostics who were frigid, so an uninhibited woman of faith is a step in the right direction. The only thing that bothered me was her insistence that her god was the only correct god and that this would make itself known on judgement day. By this time I started to worry a bit. I nervously asked her if judgment day preceded or followed the afternoon of delight.


Humungo,

Hysterical reply! Thank you for the laughter and the mammaries.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Ever meet a religious zealot who suddenly starts becoming sexually suggestive?
Posted: 3/19/2009 5:04:34 AM
I have personally had fanatically religious women initiate contact with me on this dating site and others. Some make their adherence to their faith clear from what they write in their profile. Others keep their religious devotion a complete secret and then disclose it suddenly after a couple of conversations. After a healthy but intense debate on religion I have had these women completely shift gears and start a very explicit and personal, sexually suggestive dialogue. Has anyone else had a similar experience and what do you make of these types of people?
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/10/2009 3:54:50 PM
vrb1955,

OK. Really has nothing to do with this forum topic but you may want to contribute to an entry regarding dating ethics. Perhaps his wife's untimely loss was a very, very recent one.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/10/2009 3:51:37 PM
Joe,

I did not understand the point you attempted to get across but I'll defend to the death your right to confuse me. The only concession that I will make in my initial forum post is that the word "married" may be mere semantic. Perhaps it should have read, "Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have stayed with?"
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/10/2009 3:21:59 PM
Path,

Thank you again. You have squarely hit on what I was looking for. You have the benefit of a very unique and invaluable experience. Based on that insight, what in your view is the biggest disadvantage with meeting a person based on their on-line profile vs. the old fashioned way of face to face?
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/8/2009 7:50:41 PM
Minako79,

The vast majority of contributors to this forum question seemed to be relieved that the relationship ended. I realize I am in the minority here. There are few that have experienced the unique loss and regret associated with letting an exceptional one go. Thank you for your post and your candor.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/8/2009 7:41:34 PM
Path,

Thanks for your personal story. Think back to when you saw her pictures and/or profile won eHarmony and FaceBook. Imagine that you never knew her previously. Would you have been intrigued enough by what you saw or read to determine that you would be interested in her?
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/8/2009 1:04:56 PM
Clambreath,

Here's the story. I discovered an ex's profile on another dating site almost five years ago. As I stated in a prior post which went beyond your comprehension or attention span, she is undoubtedly married because she was engaged four years ago. The incitations with your disruptive posts do not warrant any more explanations about this topic. The next time a pair of your neurons fire simultaneously and you have the urge to grace the civilized with your intellectual prowess and clever wit, click to another forum topic and spray your mark on a more charitable audience.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/8/2009 12:27:52 PM
Sparks,

Perfectly understandable that viewing an ex's profile would stir up deep seated emotions and I appreciate your participation here. Most of the difficulty in attempting to achieve an answer to my question is that it is very difficult to be objective when one heart is in the way. Still I must ask if the picture and description of your ex was someone you would want to get to know if you never knew her.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/7/2009 8:39:39 AM
verygreeneyez,

Thank you for a most interesting story. I will admit that only those who have withstood the absence of an ideal mate that they foolishly dismissed could have a remote possibility of understanding the degree of regret. May everyone possess the inherent wisdom not to make such an unfortunate decision.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/7/2009 8:23:21 AM
That is a trait of a real woman of valor, that she is capable of making a man a better man.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:19:01 PM
Brown Eyed Woman,

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate the personal and emotional story that you have shared. So help me to understand and I realize that you had too much heart-felt attachment to make a non-biased judgement. In your case it sounds as if the picture represented your former loved one accurately. And the words in his profile did not fit the type of man you would want as a partner. I know this is difficult but pretend you never knew him. Just taking the picture into consideration would you say that you were attracted to that particular image on the screen? Now just the text and I think you've answered this but you would never be attracted to the type of man that would be looking just for "fun...no strings". Am I accurate?

Again, thank you. Yours is the closest response to what I was after.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/5/2009 5:14:22 PM
I am not interested in tracking or stalking any ex on POF or any dating site. While it is not relevant here, I'm am 95% sure that my ex is married and has been for a few years. Now back to relevancy: I am trying to weave together some unique experiences that certain participants have had on sites such as these. Those that don't get it, don't get that they don't get it. Someone with a sense of awareness beyond that of a paramecium, please respond.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:44:45 AM
Well, it seems like no one understands the nature of my question so I'll need to elaborate in hopes of extracting some accurate and thoughtful responses. I am attempting to determine if anyone can discover a good match just by looking at a picture or reading a profile. How many times have people dismissed a potentially compatible mate just because a picture was not particularly flattering or the descriptive paragraphs were plain and unimaginative? One way to try and find out is to seek individuals who should have been with someone they should have married, dismissed them and months or years later found their profile on a dating site such as POF. This actually happened to me and I can assuredly admit that if a had not known this woman I would have passed her over based on her picture and profile. Has anyone else had a similar experience?
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/4/2009 2:28:11 PM
Alright gang, let's try this again. Just based on her on-line profile picture and picture alone, did you find her appealing and was there something about her image that made you want to initiate contact? Or, was the picture completely unappealing to the point that you were not even curious or remotely attracted?
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 3:23:37 PM
Mermerangle,

I appreciate your participation and candid story. I am only slightly familiar with Facebook but realize it is not a full fledged dating site. If however you read his Facebook page and can imagine never knowing him prior to viewing it, would you have seen him as a potential good match? Was his photo appealing? Did his words and descriptions strike a chord? Would you have glanced right over his profile without a second thought or felt some magic?
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 1:50:11 PM
Knights2460,

Thank you for you forum contribution. In your particular case though this was a woman that you should not have married. Still, I will ask the question. Recalling just her profile and assuming you never knew her and can forget the tumultuous relationship you had with her, would her profile alone have sparked enough interest for you to make contact with her?
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 11:03:53 AM
kpooks,

Thank for for your reply and for your complimentary words regarding the my noteworthy and unusual question . I am glad you think it is not the standard fare as my intention is to get people to think. I hope my question will assist them in the same way their answers lead me to greater awareness.

What I am looking for here however are those in the minority who may have stumbled upon a profile of someone they feel they should have been with. While good advice may be noteworthy it is really not sought after for this particular forum topic.

I will attempt to clarify with more specifics. For cyber daters who encountered a profile of someone they once loved and should have stayed with, please describe your impressions of that profile. For example, looking at the photo or photos of the person please describe your initial attraction based only on these imbedded photos. Try not to recall what your former love looked like in real life. Was the photo flattering or not? Was it a striking photo that made an immediate impression on you or was it an unappealing photo? Then read the description and describe how this person may or may not have peaked your interest. Mention what they wrote and how it was written. Was it exciting, descriptive, imaginative, revealing, boring, depressing, insulting, etc? Now concentrate on what they listed as hobbies, interests, philosophies, goals, relationship requirements and what they are looking for in a partner. How did these items compare with the type of person you are and what you were looking for in a mate?

I am really looking forward to reading the contributions and having some exchanges.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:22:56 AM
CassaGo,

Please do not blame the messenger. I was just pointing out what sociologists have already revealed to us. I am in total agreement of your assessment. Having one's cake and eating it certainly applies here. In fact, one book that catapulted me into a new level of awareness about the hypocrisy of the feminist movement and how it negatively effects male/female relations is entitled: "Why Men Are The Way They Are" by Doctor Warren Farrell. It should be required reading for men and women alike. I applaud you for possessing an advanced level of awareness. Bravo!
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Ever see an ex on a dating site that you know you should have married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 7:25:28 AM
Has anyone ever loved someone that you know you should have married or stayed with but did not? If so, has anyone had the unique experience of seeing that person's profile on a dating site after they were no longer in your life? Try to be objective here: Based on their profile, picture and description, would you have concluded that this person should have been your betrothed one? Remember, you have to approach this as if you never had any type of relationship or contact with them in the past? I have had precisely this type of unique experience and will write about it following a few forum entries from others.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Would you Marry the ONE you Love or Love the ONE you Marry?
Posted: 2/25/2009 4:32:22 PM
People marry for different reasons. The notion of marrying for love is a concept from very recent history. Prior to that a woman would marry a man who was a good provider and who could sire children. A man married a woman for her beauty, companionship and her ability to keep a home and bear him children. It is certainly possible to grow to love someone. Love means different things to different people. For some it is financial security for others it is the promise of a consistent sex life. Others long for companionship and for an antidote to loneliness. There is no guarantee that love will produce a marriage long-lasting happiness. Love may grow and love may die. A task oriented relationship such as your Mother speaks of may not be the most romantic but in some ways it has the potential to be more enduring. How many relationships start despite the fact that the two people involved did not initially feel they were each-other's "type"? No matter how much love there is in a relationship, tolerance, forgiveness and patience can never be too plentiful.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 280 (view)
 
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/7/2008 4:55:43 PM
I personally do not have sex on the first date is because there is really no reason to. Waiting a little bit for sex is an investment in better and more frequent sex when it finally arrives. There is really nothing to lose unless the world is going to end the next day. By not pressuring a woman for sex on the first date it shows good scruples and this usually earns a guy some much needed Brownie points. Plus, it keeps them wondering. By waiting, a man is probably assured of a steady sexual relationship and so, more sex in the long run. You see, good sex takes time. Time to know what the other person likes. There is no such thing as a universal technique or some assurance of success in the sack. Everyone is different and has certain likes and dislikes. You should do what a person likes and they should do what you like and as often as you like.

The one attractive component to the one night stand and why it may be so attractive to both men and women alike is that for those brief hours, everything is near perfect. You don't worry about tomorrow or what your partner thinks of you or the consequences. It is pure passion and erotic need. Alcohol only diminishes inhibitions further.

If there is a chance of a lengthy or permanent relationship it is best to wait to engage in sexual activity. What's a few days, weeks or months? There are many married couples that wait longer than that for sex and these are people who have been together for years. The moral: It is never too late to have a bad sex life.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What is worse: Marrying the wrong person or not marrying the right person?
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:14:53 PM
Let's suppose the right person really loved you and you loved them but you had some questions in your mind about what it all meant. By the time you found the answers they were gone. But if they were to come back wouldn't they still love you if they gave you another chance? Provided of course you learned from what went before. In other words, they loved you once when you were less appreciative, less aware and less sure. Wouldn't they love you just as much new found gratefulness, awareness and confidence?

Yes, I agree that a person may not be right for you at a given time in life. Rather, you may not be right for them. They may in fact, be right for you and you may be too unaware to realize it. And as far as the future goes well, where there is life there is hope.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
What is worse: Marrying the wrong person or not marrying the right person?
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:00:22 PM
Why is the old "better to have loved and lost" line, full of shit in your view?
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What is worse: Marrying the wrong person or not marrying the right person?
Posted: 8/6/2008 10:26:33 AM
I am pleasantly surprised by all the responses to my forum topic. Some opinions are very insightful while others are an indication that some readers just don’t get it. And those that don't get it, don't get that they don't get it. The topic may require further clarification. Let me attempt to define “the wrong person” in more precise terms. The wrong person is not a cheater but may be frigid. The wrong person may not be an abuser but lacks the ability to exude personal warmth, nurturing and affection. This person may be productive, practical, independent and possess good taste but be lacking in the delicate matters of the heart. With the right person you may enjoy a relationship that is 70% good. The wrong person generates a relationship that is 50-70% bad. The right has the ability to make you a better man/woman. Growth is possible with the wrong person as well but it is more self actuated. Now to the responses.

Fire Hose 314: Yes, you end up losing either way but the question is what is worse.

LaughingLibra: “Better to have loved and lost?” of course. Any time you are fortunate enough to spend even a couple of years with the right person it can positively shape your life and make you a better human being.

angeligent: The questions is not how do you determine who is right and who is wrong for us. If that were the question, I would have asked it.

pretty moon: You can still love someone while still realizing that are wrong person compared to the right person. Yes, I agree with your observation that even a marriage with the right person is almost certain to produce less than perfect results. This is not about seeking a perfect life but a good life.

wickedlovely: Explain why the question is so easy. What is it about marrying the wrong person makes it worse than not marrying the right person? And in your second response you clearly point to a way out of the marriage with the wrong person. Which is it?

gtomustang: B.T.N., sure I’ll buy into your observations here.

helinda: The choices may be produce disappointment but in completely different forms.

Janet4ever: Let’s assume it was not a fleeting romance. That there were both tangible and spiritual reasons what the person was the right one. Admittedly, no marriage is perfect and no one can predict the future, still for the sake of the forum question, what is worse?

diana22: Is it really the same meaning either way? Or have you not experienced both scenarios?

Lady Kay: It sounds like you are a proponent of the all inclusive “everything happens for a reason” theory. Let’s agree that people learn and grow throughout their lives. If every choice a person makes is devoid of consequences, there would never be regret or guilt. Not that it should stop someone from enjoying life but guilt is an affirmation sometimes of just how human we are. Anyone dated someone that feels no guilt or remorse?

Wilmo: I hope I have given a clearer picture of the right one and the wrong one above.

Kyn: Some very good observations here. You point out that out of the many relationships people have only one perhaps, stands out as the one that got away. This tends to support the argument that a truly unique, memorable and fine person was passed up. It is not a superficial case of the grass is always greener theory. And yes, there is an equal chance of marrying the wrong person as there is marrying the right person based on the divorce rate.

bob2013: How does any single person know what marriage is like until they are married? In the dating phase you access compatibility, persona and attraction. There help to build a foundation for a marriage. You’re promoting a relationship catch 22 by saying there is no way to know until marriage. There are options available to people today such as living together. There must be a way of determining who would make a better life partner for us or what is the point of any marriage or relationship.

virgilskid: You present a lucid argument; I respect it. Soul mates are overrated, true. If we had time to meet enough people we could find many right ones. Timing is certainly a factor and this goes with personal growth and emotional understanding. Being ready to board the next and hopefully correct train.

Madeuscreem: A very practical case for bigamy. Great sense of humor. Right on.

Superlizard1969: Whatever suites you.

TravelingMel: Another approach lined with humor. Bravo.

countycutie: How will you and Superlizard1969 ever find common ground?

Droleci: Yes, better for the experience of having a wonderful person in your life. Many people search and come up empty spending an entire life trying.

samstyles: The old adage is appropriate here. “You don’t know what you have until you lose it.” I never inferred perfection vs. imperfection. Just a right person vs. the wrong person for reasons I have outlined above. But you also bring up an interesting viewpoint. A successful relationship may work not so much because you have found the right one but rather because you did not choose the wrong one. As a result, you both have enough interest in the relationship to work on making it a better one. I like your thought.

Mominatrix: Which are you advocating here? That the wrong person is the psycho marriage partner or right person is? Or is it that you are dismissing marriage altogether?

piscescoda: Of course you have that option. I think it is also a matter of acquiring those positive character traits that allow you to become the right person for someone else.

Yoodle: I can’t much to a brilliant and well thought out insight. Just for the heck of it though, which choice is worse?

catswalk: Lennon get me through my adolescence and his words ring true today as they did yesterday. Now answer the question.

Louder than love: I am sorry. You had no choice in this case, however.

Curveyone: It’ not a trick question. C’mon, give it some thought.

Grapevine: Now are you saying that perhaps the wrong person married another wrong person or that the right person also married a wrong person in which case the right person made the same mistake that the other right person made by marrying the wrong person. So maybe the right person is thinking the same thing which is, what’s worse the fact that I didn’t marry the right person who also saw me as the right person or that I married the wrong person, thinking it was the right person. I caution everyone out there not to think about this for too long. Your head may explode.

It’s Better Together: Decisive and direct. Very good. But based on your answer shouldn’t your screen name be “Its Better Alone?

Angel Eyes: Yes, fear can put a halt on attempting to find and recognize happiness. I like your half full glass of optimism.

Anatasisa Beaverhousen: More like apples and lemons I’d say. I understand your point but for some, an opportunity does not present itself with the right person. All they have to base their opinions on are wrong people. I am speaking about a clear and obvious choice. Where there are plausible and emotional reasons for defining one person as the right person and one as the wrong person.

Remington55: I like the marriage license and driver’s license comparison. So perhaps the wrong person isn’t as wrong as you thought and the right person isn’t as right as you believed they were. Interesting approach.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Annoyed with women who initiate contact, then disappear
Posted: 8/2/2008 12:15:47 PM
Branes,

Point well taken. I have women with little kids contacting me and I wonder why, since my profile clearly states that I do not have kids and don't want kids. Even after we exchange a few emails and I emphatically state that I have absolutely no paternal desire, they still want to go on to the next step in the relationship. To be fair, there are a few women with kids who are not looking for "Carnation Instant Daddy". But those tend to be independent women who have chosen to have children without a Father present from the start. So I make an exception for these women because they tend to want a man as a companion for themselves not as a father for their kids. In your case Branes, these non-smokers are probably very lonely and are just looking at you as a nice guy they can chat with on-line or over the phone. If it came down to a physical relationship, these women would not refuse you and of course they would use your smoking as an excuse not to go any further. But to satisfy their emotional needs they have no problem using you for that. These women have no integrity or they have a very bad case of attention deficit disorder. By the way, I know we have strayed from the thread here.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Annoyed with women who initiate contact, then disappear
Posted: 8/2/2008 11:59:16 AM
Now I will buy shyness as a reasonable excuse to not initiate contact or even as a reason to put someone on a favorites list without having the nerve to formally contact them. I find shyness and modesty in a woman, very, very appealing. By the way, choosing someone as a favorite is really a way for the shy types to make contact in a subtle way because the information is readily available to the person chosen as a favorite. But if you send a note to someone who has put you on their favorites list and that person doesn't contact you after one or two weeks tops, that is very strange behavior indeed. I recently had a woman initiate contact. She actually gave me her phone number in her first note to me! I wrote her back thanking her and telling her I was interested and giving her my email address. She has not written back. Nuts.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
What is worse: Marrying the wrong person or not marrying the right person?
Posted: 8/1/2008 2:01:37 AM
I have pondered this over the last few years and have determined that it is worse not to marry the right person. Marrying the wrong person at least can be remedied, if painfully, by divorce or separation. There is a way out. When the right person is dismissed, there is no guarantee that this person will ever return to your life or that another right partner will come along. Any thoughts or anecdotes?
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
frigid people
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:35:33 PM
I dated a woman who had a sex drive that would make a seven year locust appear to be promiscuous.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/31/2008 6:32:36 PM
Tony,

Here's a book that will sum it all up. It is called "Why Men Are The Way They Are" by Doctor Warren Farrell. Recommended reading for both men and women. It will catapult you into a higher level of awareness.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Annoyed with women who initiate contact, then disappear
Posted: 7/31/2008 5:53:53 PM
Sure it makes perfect sense for someone who does not have a photo to go along with a profile what about those who's photo has always been public. What gives? My question is not about why people reject other people. There are plenty of legitimate reasons for that and some illegitimate. My inquiry is regarding women who INITIATE contact, having a picture of the guy prior to writing. The guy does not reject them at all and in fact writes a perfectly pleasant response. The woman having read the nice response never writes back. What motivates them to waste their time and the man's time? By the way, I'll take the time to recommend the book, "Why Men Are The Way They Are" by Doctor Warren Farrell
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Annoyed with women who initiate contact, then disappear
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:48:43 PM
Catswalk and toomuch13,

I really appreciate the speculations. Married or in a relationship perhaps then feeling too guilty to start a new relationship on line? I confess, I have not thought of that. Mentally unstable is another plausible reason. It think it is important to know more factual information. First, just to reiterate, the initial contact was made by her. Her opening message was: "Good evening, would you like to chat."

My response was:
"Of course I'll chat. Something topical or something silly?"

By the way, I found her picture very pleasant but I would not consider her a classic beauty. There was something very sweet looking about her.

There just wasn't enough of an exchange to classify this as a mistake on her part. It is true that I could write her again and ask her
what's what.

I chose this thread because I could relate to it from a personal experiences. I really didn't notice the ‘Ask A Girl’ heading. I found this thread because I search the topic first.
 listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Annoyed with women who initiate contact, then disappear
Posted: 7/29/2008 6:48:31 PM
Good Catswalk,

Now we're getting somewhere. I know you're only playing though. The odds of the woman dying or her computer dying in mid correspondence is very slim. If those things were to happen however, she'd have an air tight alibi. At least you are thinking of tangible reasons. Now how about some psychological ones.
 
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