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 Author Thread: The Almighty Mirage
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
The Almighty Mirage
Posted: 9/20/2012 10:43:20 PM
Well I just recently returned to POF, I expected to find it is slow going as it was before when I started out new. Honestly I was shocked to find replies coming in quickly, which is saying a lot as I have one of those Cheesy Mirror Pics that people whine about.. (YES I do plan on replacing it ASAP.)

However I’m not on this forum to discuss the use of a camera phones, and quality pictures. I am however interested in the concept of Mirage relationships. It didn’t strike me as an issue till tonight, when I thinking this great date might be littered with possibilities of heartbreak, because it didn’t work out the first time.

History:

I was seventeen when I met Mike.. I was at the Grizzly Rose, and he was a Real Cowboy.Well closest thing to a Real Cowboy that my little Aurora grown suburbia hands had ever acquired. He did rodeos and was a saddle bronc rider, and by far the MANLIEST thing I’d ever saw, all that to say he positively knocked me off my feet.

My parents however didn’t approve of me devoting a lot of my time with a man of 20. Their demands that I keep school focus and I push myself to get to know other people and date more as Mike was the first serious relationship past the school yard and the drama that never lasts more than week. I however was very much hung up on him and I knew it and that honestly concerned me because at the age of Seventeen I hadn’t felt that way before about a guy.
We had an amazing summer that ended abruptly when my parents got tired of my missed curfews and falling grades, and he had enough of my little girl ways, and how I still clung to my parents’ ideals and wants, well we broke up and lives moved on I got married as did he. We would run into each other occasionally and it would be lingering awkward glances and well wishes but nothing more.

Present:

Imagine my surprise when he gets hold of me here and I find out he is divorced, and after a first date he leaves a kiss that still has the power to take my breath away, he confides in me that he always thought of me as the one the that got away. I thought that was an amazingly nice thing to say till I get home and I have my cup of tea and time to reflect on the ghosts of relationship pasts.

I don’t know if it is that dreaded voice of reason or just insecurities that leave me doubting that it’s too good to be true. That I’m in no way the same little girl that I was then and I doubt he is either I’m not just talking my jean size either.LOL I’m not that optimistic anymore I’m a bit more jaded and critical and well a bit fearful of being stomped on again.
What do you guys think? Can a person be lucky to spark with an old flame or is more of a love sick fool looking to get burned because she is holding the wrong end of that Bottle Rocket.
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Why do women get mad/offended?
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:47:41 PM

Why do women get mad or offended when they give a guy their phone number and he doesn't call or text them but then turn around and make up an excuse as to why they can't call or text a guy when he gives them his number and expect him not to get the least bit offended or upset?


Hey there Mr. Spell,

Well you have just given a classic example of a double standard. I can give you advice on this from my perspective..

I don't know about the ladies in your life but I will tell you "This lady" meaning me really has to step out of my lovely comfort zone to even entertain the thought of being so bold and brazen to go.. "Hey I like you.. Think your pretty cute and not sure if your interested in me but if you are.. Here’s my number..

I normally just wait in my zone and ponder if the guy is into me till I get a surprise and the guy makes the first move and offers his number. Gosh Mr. Spell I can count the times I have wasted precious time on flirting subtlety when all I needed to do was go up and say.. Hey.. I'm Kerry not sure if your interested but I AM.. here my number. Rather sad what lack of confidence does to you.. Just lately I have really been exercising my brazen nerve and making the first move shocked I haven't attempted it before as it saves time and energy after all I have found the worst they can say is no.. Well actually that isn’t exactly true.. Had some jerk say.. He would rather drag his Un-mentionables (Not exactly the word he used but I don't like getting banned) across the parking lot.. I offered to pay him to do it swearing it would be the right thing for humanity.. He called me a something un-pleasant that would have made a female irate and I offered to find him a cab as I learned that night that not all drunks are obvious about it..

-blinks- God where did I put my point.. Hang on getting there..

Anyway I don’t think it is just women as I think Men can also be equally timid when it comes to the offering of numbers… Least that is what I think when I get one.. As for the offended part..

When we put ourselves out there we are opening ourselves up to rejection and face it sweetie I don’t know about you but all them middle school years have taught me one thing.. Rejection never feels good regardless of how much you have faced it.. Does it hurt yes..

When someone I have offered my number too doesn’t call me I think…” Wow guess he didn’t like me.. Pooh” and there is a little part of me that agonizes over if I what it was that turned him off.

As to why we are shocked when you big strong men take offense when we don’t call. Not all women but perhaps the ones that you have come in contact with think Men are less sensitive than we are.. That a little thing like a lack of interest wouldn’t hurt you.. So we are taken aback when we some man comes up and confronts us on it.. This is even more humiliating when we have to tell them that we in fact lost their number..


Um not sure if that helps you.. But it is my opinion and I certainly don’t speak for all women just myself.

The Redhead..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 866 (view)
 
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 5/28/2009 9:11:27 AM
Dear Daisy and Friend of Daisy,

I'm all about doing everything you can to make a relationship work, even when it means personal sacrifice. However I’m rather selective about whom I enter a relationship with, a man who can’t accept me as I am is not someone who I believe is worthy of my heart and certainly not worthy of me as a wife.

My personal advice for Daisy's friend and any other woman looking to get romantically evolved with someone who is putting on conditions for his affections particularly when one of those restrictions is very worldly and shallow.

Ask her what Love means to her.. Her being a person of great faith and with religious background will interrupt it the way that it is mentioned in 1 Corinthian (Love is Patient, love is kind..)

What he is showing is neither of those things..

As for the Religious thing.. I would warn any friend who is serious in their faith about getting married to a man who is not as serious in her faith as she is.. Nothing is more difficult than being passionate about something that drives you and find your not only un-equally yoked but the person your yoked with is in fact dead spiritually.. If her religion is a serious commitment for her than I would advise her to really sit down and think long and hard about the choices she has ahead of her and the man who is the cause of it.. I personally don’t think it is a good match and screams heart ache mainly for her..

My advice to you Daisy.. Be her friend, love her, listen to her and if she makes a choice that in the end see’s her shattered be there to help her pick up the pieces..

Best of Luck Daisy,

The Redhead.
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
First Love, they say you never love like that again
Posted: 5/27/2009 11:55:17 PM
Dear Calloused,

First and foremost I wish to express my sympathy for the pain you endured.. I think the best comfort I can provide outside my humble opinion is that your not alone in wondering if you’ll be able to heal emotionally enough to Love deeply again..

Don’t apologize for venting your frustration and your anger. I think anyone who has been betrayed has done it at one point or another truthfully I know I have done it a couple times, I think it is natural when something is broken within us we complain and finally seek advice to heal wither it be bones or spirit.

Will you love deeply again, Will you return to who you were before?

Well from my experience and those of my recovery group the answer is a whole hearted NO.. Being human we are prone to error but along side of that we are made to learn from mistakes wither they are ours or not.. You gave a piece of yourself to this girl and you got burned sounds like you got it pretty bad too..

So will you take nothing from that experience? I think your intelligent enough know that you have been changed from that moment..

Will you be heartless and un-capable of "Scream it from the Mountain tops head over heals LOVE ", hardly I think if anything if you go about this in a positive way you will recover from this a better person.. I can guarantee you that once you’ve been burned from a succubus you will never take for granted the love of a good woman.. If anything this experience will teach you what sort of things to watch out for in ladies in their behavior and personality to keep you from getting your heart broken again.. Sweetie you will love deeply again. You will just do it a bit more cautiously..

I would advise you during those trying moments when you find your questioning yourself to talk with people who are the best at encouraging you those who know you well and possibly those who have weathered Infidelity admirably when all else fails I suggest you seek out a Surviving Infidelity recovery group.. I know you being a guy and all probably is just wincing and booing and hissing at the word therapy.. However your have been betrayed and you are grieving a loss and a loss regardless the relationship is still a loss..

Take the time it take to heal properly so you don’t end up making all future prospects pay for her mistake..

In great admiration of your honesty and willingness to speak openly,
The Redhead

 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Obnoxious, controlling friends and girls who allow it to happen?
Posted: 5/17/2009 8:32:50 PM
Hey there Spur,


You got to just love the club scenes.. Gosh I have at least 10 years on you and to tell you the truth judging from what you wrote it seems the club scene hadn't changed much in the decade that separates us..

First and for most I know your in your twenties and the Clubs are well what you do at that age.. However the people who are at the clubs tend to act like Rabid Animals in heat.. (Love that term btw) sex sells even when the thing for sell is your own body. I used to bartend and did so in a Military town.. LOL I have seen it all and served beer to the ones who did it..

I would strongly urge you Spur to not look for long lasting love in the club scene the most you will get is more than likely a wild drunken rump and the ability to do the walk of shame come morning...

As for the annoying friends.. I have a gaggle of friends but my friends do know when to back down.. They were blatantly rude to you and I'm sorry to say that she was blatantly rude for allowing this to happen to you..

You deserve to be heard and un-interrupted it was her responsibility to either tell her drunk friends to hush or take you some other place you could chat in private.. All I can offer is perhaps it was a favor you will more than likely met other girls who are bound to have spine enough to tell friends to be quiet.


The Redhead

 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Bit freaked and not even sure if I should be..
Posted: 5/17/2009 5:08:31 PM
Sky,

I would have found it funny if you did.. Your welcome to post in my topics anytime heck your more reliable than me with spelling even when I'm armed with Spell Check..

Redhead
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Bit freaked and not even sure if I should be..
Posted: 5/17/2009 4:54:53 PM
James,

In all honestly I wasn't bragging.. Just needed to know if I was being overly sensitive to a comment.. But thank you for your input on my personality and my profile..


Spur,

Nope I don't know James but he seems to think he knows me very well..

The Redhead..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Bit freaked and not even sure if I should be..
Posted: 5/17/2009 4:44:30 PM
-snickers at Sky who caught the edit-

Your a quick girl.. You caught it before I looked over my document in Word and went OMG NOOoooooooo.....Now you all get to see what happens when your lazy and you right click that mouse before you see what word it brought up to replace the word you knew you miss-spelled..

Desirer means..
~*~ request something: to wish for and request something (formal)
~*~ find somebody sexually attractive: to want to have sexual relations with somebody
~*~ wish for something: to want something very strongly


-sighs- Swear evil little spell check.. Ropes you into a feeling of false security and well still see you make a fool out of yourself…
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Bit freaked and not even sure if I should be..
Posted: 5/17/2009 4:18:55 PM
Hey there guys,

Was wondering if you all could Decipher this for me..It is a second message from a potential interest.. Truthfully I like this guy and up till the ending of this message I thought he got me and understood I wanted to take things slowly.. I’m not one for just blocking someone without just cause but frankly this oversteps my lines of comfort.. I talked it over with a male friend and their advice was as of lots of guys have blatantly overstepped my line of comfort I might be reading into it. To run it past a pool of men to see if it is what I think (an unequivocal sex invite) or if my red flags might be a bit on the sensitive side.

If you think I’m being oversensitive to the whole thing please advise me on how to reply to this so I can let him know I got a bit concerned that I’m not a raving witch but I would like to really take things slower talks of showering together on the second reply.. LOL

I have changed his name to protect his identity so I won’t have people on their soap box screaming how I’m messing him up… I just need advice



<div class="quote">So (ME), first off my name is (HIM) and I think I like you. I'd like to meet you, so if
your free tonight, maybe we could take a hike before sundown, or goto the Star
Trek movie and then get some ice cream and talk afterwards. By the way, I hope
you don't mind me being blunt here, but you look like a beautiful work of artcorse
at the same time, I think we could share a lot of passion if we took a shower
together too (and we'd also end up being quite clean too, even if we were a little
dirty- smile)

(him)


Any advice would be helpful,
The Redhead
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
She's 39, I'm nearly 24.
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:03:46 PM
Cradle that has been picked clean,

Sweetie the only time that Age matters to anyone is when the term Statutory Rape is thrown around.. If your were under age and vulnerable than I would question your judgment.. However your way past the age of making your own choices.. Too bad you don’t have confidence in your choices.. Perhaps a confident woman will rub off on you.. In more ways than one..

Good luck,

The Redhead..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What's up with some girls being dishonest and misleading?
Posted: 5/11/2009 5:29:35 PM
Hey there Mr. 88,

1. Ladies in general tend to flirt without meaning too.. Often time the simplest thing such as a flicking your hair over your shoulder can be mistaken as an unequivocal sex invite even though for us it was just getting hair under control.. This sadly has happen to me. I tend to be the social affectionate hugging type so you can see that what is general touches to gain your attention is sadly taken as more than that.. I really have had to be more careful with work as I have given the wrong opinion to some people and then had the awkward moment of setting them straight. Was she intentionally flirting with you or was it something that could have been mistaken as flirt.. OR worse yet Wishful thinking..

I hope for your sake that it was subtle as I wouldn’t want for anyone to get involved with someone who is into playing mind games.. Women are gifted at doing this.. We can sometimes flirt with someone just to see if we spark their interest without having any such feelings for that person other than what they can offer us in that momentary ego boast.. If she is giving you mix signals often I would be wary of that person.. It is clearly not accidental.

2. Sadly girls are just as prone as guys in being completely spineless when it comes to honesty.. Some suffer from a childhood where being polite out ranked being honest.. They just might not want to hurt your feelings by being overly blunt and tactless.


3. Well sweetie. Some girls are really picky on who they have let into their social circle. I’m one of those I don’t mind being friends and chatting but if you over step that boundary just once and try to push something I’m not going to go for than I can guarantee you. I will not be re-turning your calls regardless of how many times you say you just want to be friends..


4. Well I’m sure there is all sorts on this site.. And just as I’m sure there are men just looking for good rump, I’m equally sure that there are girls on the site looking someone to scratch their itch.. However I wouldn’t consider them ladies.. Sooo if your looking for those type I hope your medical insurance is current as the line at the free clinic is always a long one.. LOL

5. Ladies are classy… Girls play mind games and are sassy..LOL if your looking for better and are tired of games than I would suggest you set your standards higher.. The only one who has any control over what you play with is you sweetie don’t like how a woman is treating you time to set that girl free and look for another..


The redhead.



 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Stay at home moms, am I being fair?
Posted: 5/7/2009 9:17:39 AM
Mr. Tongue,

Well to be honest the arguing is something that is perfectly normal when it comes adding children to marriage.. It is also perfectly normal for you to feel like your getting the raw end of the deal when it comes to being asked to take on more responsibility in the house hold when there is a stay at home mother..

Ideally those wonder worker mothers would love to get the house organized and looking picture perfect by the time the king returns to his castle but sadly those mothers are working against a time clock and they have a bundle of MESS strapped to their hip.. And that bundle of joy is the equivalent of a dictator of a third world country.. It cares not for Mom’s need for sleep or of schedule or any of that.. Life revolves around that child till he goes to kindergarten..

So my advice Suck it man.. Pick up mop and broom and help out as even though she might not show it her job is just as tuff as yours and seeing as she is working to raise your child it is far more important than yours..

However if she is battling depression which sadly a lot of new mommies do it might be time to take her to the doctor to see if her tiredness and lack of energy might be cause of a chemical imbalance..

On a side note..

I took a look at your profile bud.. Seems your looking for Friends with Benefits this isn’t exactly the most healthy thing to do to a marriage.. Frankly if your skirting around behind her back I would just keep quiet about any house work and pray to god she don’t find out and divorce you…As then the house work will be the least of your problems..

SUGGESTION…Get therapy before your choices have lasting effects on not just you but also your wife and Kids..

The Redhead..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
MY PROFILE/ ATTRACTING WRONG WOMEN
Posted: 5/6/2009 6:02:13 PM
Hey there Classic,

I looked over you profile and your question. My first suggestion is to be very honest.. It sounds like your really not in a position in your life where you can handle children.

That judging from your question kids seemed like a major turn off.. Nothing wrong with that just I would definitely check the box to say your not open for kids.. I don' t think there is anything wrong with being honest in your search..

This is a shout out too all guys… If your not into kids, Biker Chicks, Emotional Succubus’s who double as gold diggers, Ladies who are over weight, Chain Smokers truck drivers, lesbian who is looking for a change of pace and all that jazz.. PUT IT IN YOUR PROFILE. Your profiles are looked at by lots and lots of ladies and if your vague we will tend to jump to the conclusions that are not correct..

If your honest with what your looking for in your profile and it is clicked by dog the bounty hunters wife she will see that he prefers woman who don't smoke.. and her reply to your profile will be.." OHHHH He don't like smokers.. Well crap I'm not stopping for his punk butt.. " and she won't pursue you.. Problem of being forced to slum with un-desirables will magically be solved..

If your worried about coming across as superficial and shallow true you might but better to come across that way and only attract people who are like you than risk the chance of getting to know an Un-desirable.. I don’t’ think there is anything wrong with being a shallow jerk on this site, just be honest about it, for those of us who arn't looking for that type of guy...

All humor aside Classic.. If your getting mail from the wrong sort.. Time to tighten the restrictions and be truly honest and open about what your looking for and what your not looking for the internet dating ring is not the place to sugar coat your intentions..

The Redhead..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Getting bad messages
Posted: 5/4/2009 8:02:06 PM
Hey there one with a Charmed Life,

I looked at your question and was almost tempted to reply.. You should ask other men why don’t you men hold us Girls to the same strict standards we set for you.. However fun it might be to see the male perspective on this it would be counter productive in answering your question..

I’ve looked at several profiles and where the same key phrases speak out I.E. we want a GOOD GUY… There is only so many ways you can order same thing.. Frankly I think a lot of us all have similar wants when it comes to men so it tends to show in less than creative profiles..

As for the guy who actually READS our profiles we tend to be kind to as we are at a minimal thankful that he took the time to read it and not just oggle our goodies in the pictures..
As for why your profile is only getting you only so much mail.. Well I only have one suggestion..


Don’t expect mail to be summoned to you from the Magical Ego boost Fairy.... SEND IT, Ladies do reply to those who show a sincere interest.. In short.. Instead of being un-happy with what has been dealt you, challenge it. Take the initiative and write some ladies expressing an interest.. You after all have a lot going for you.. Great Profile to start with..


The Redhead..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
What kind of message do you want?
Posted: 5/3/2009 6:13:30 PM
Hey there Kyle,


I know sometimes its like banging your head against the wall. I don’t think your profile is bad so I would just continue Sending letters and try to keep your patience. I’m not sure if your doing this things already in your letters to these ladies.

Your addressing things listed on her profile.

Your avoiding anything that could be considered offensive and obscene in your topic.

I tend to ask questions there for hoping to spark answers.

I like a lot of content in my letters it shows your interest and your sincerity. You truly seem to possess a great personality so I think the humor in your letters is great idea but make sure you don’t cross that line of humorous and offensive..


I haven’t read any of your letters so I really can’t help more than offer words of encouragement to booster your patience.. Sorry sweet..


Best of luck,
The Redhead
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How Long?
Posted: 4/28/2009 7:56:17 PM
DO women ever have sex without emotions?


I do think that Women can have sex without emotions being tied to the act.. Granted those women might also harbor sociopath tendencies and might also like a Black widow spider eat you when they are done.. (AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY)

How long a can a woman do that?

I think it depends on who passes out first.. You or her but judging on the fact she might light your bed on fire when she is done I do hope for your sake you’re a wild man in the sack and you are able to wear her out..

In a relationship before the house is in her name?

Gosh golly gee.. I do hope you really re-consider before you legally bond yourself to this lady..I wouldn’t put a Sociopath on the lease for a cheeto, Muchless on the lease for my house. Do you really want to end up listing a big gulp cup as your address when Mrs. Thing comes off her Meds and files a restraining order on you..

On the street before attracting the attention of the boys in blue?

Ummm Depends if she is on her meds she might be feeling feisty and want to see if she make her débuted on the lovely show. COPS

Is this even relevant?

Ummmm well regardless it is better than a recycled question or another quest for a profile review..


The Redhead
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
what am I doing so wrong
Posted: 4/25/2009 6:58:19 PM
what is up with woman? I send casual messages no creepy stuff they check my message look at my pics and delete them right away, what happened to its whats inside that counts. the woman on here seem very two faced and shallow, they say they what to chat and just get to know people but they cant even give you the time of day.
any advise???



Hey there Phil,

I sort of gathered from the previous replies that you might realize that you might need a profile make over.. I just hope that you don’t feel that your completely hopeless as your not.. The fact that you willing came here looking for help and advice shows that you want help..

Everything can be fixed when you go Edit your profile even your User Name..

I would strongly suggest that you take time to really express who you are.. Talk about your goals and your hobbies.. Humor is always attractive in men so don’t be afraid to express your personality. I would also describe what your looking for in a relationship and what you want in a woman. Do everything in your power to stay clear of suggestive or lewd remarks as you can tell it sort of puts off women..

We even have a whole forum that is dedicated to profile help. It is called “Profile Review” however just like anywhere else on the board you have to weed out helpful advice from that of comments from people who are just looking to put you down.. Don’t get beat down with negative comments there is help from sincere people just have to be patient..


Best of luck in your Canadian Fishing trip,

The Redhead.
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
back and forth messaging and then it stops...
Posted: 4/24/2009 7:23:50 PM
No I think that's the problem I don't compliment them at all. Well maybe not at all but I barely compliment them. The one I was messaging back and forth I didn't even give her 1 compliment. I think maybe that's why she stopped messaging me.


Hey there,


I wouldn't exactly call lack of forced compliments a problem.. Women are not like men on the need to have their ego's stroked with words of affirmation, well least women who are secure in themselves.. Some ladies would rather hear something real and relevant than something that is sweet and meant to buffer their self esteem. I think there are a lot of ladies who are tired of Men who just run lines that we have heard a dozen of times..

Ohhh Your eyes are pretty… Ohhh You have a kissable mouth.. Ohhhhhh OOOOhhhh ahhhhh and well forgive me but get me a hack bucket…

Women are not like men in the fact that we aren’t visually stimulated .. Well forgive me not all ladies are, I’m sure there are a few who are hard wired like men and need the physical thing going on…However I’m sure if you look in several profiles you will see that other requirements are things that deal with communication wither it be someone who is mildly amusing or humorous to the need to be matched with someone who is smart..

I think a few women are out there looking for someone who really sparks their interests.. I love talking to men who really talk.. Not saying you need to open up a window to the New Yorker and start spouting off topics that deal with current events (though that would really spark my interest a whole lot more than wow you have pretty hair..) but nothing wrong with discussing life.. Talk about interest give her the impression that your truly interested in her and not just in her eyes or her pretty face.. I think genuine interest in them the aspects of their lives will probably carry some weight in their choices to hit that open button for another chat..


Best of luck..

The Redhead..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
When will my Drive come back?
Posted: 4/19/2009 7:19:51 PM
Hey there Dan,

Man don't sweat it.. Your just going threw the motions.. You are on the fringes of a just coming out of a break up.. Frankly if it is just your drive in the eagerness to put forth the effort in a relationship I would consider yourself lucky as I have seen heart ache effect all aspects of life..

The only thing I can think of is along the lines of what Steel has suggested.. Keeping things social and not too intimate give yourself time to grieve your loss, if you do get involved with a lady I would be upfront on the fact that your just out of a broken relationship and I would advice you to take it very slow.. Just cause you went over the handle bars of your bike doesn't mean you should be jumping ramps and doing a bmx tournament right off the bat.

The Redhead.
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Myth explained?
Posted: 4/18/2009 3:26:46 PM
Well Overseas friend,


I don't think there is anything I can say that would ease your frustration with the opposite sex.. I have found many threads where I believe people are being simple minded and judgmental.. Having a member in the family who is a lawyer has taught me.

NEVER EVER assume things about people.. Get the facts first and then move to base your conclusions it was almost imprinted on both me and my sister since birth.. Sadly when push comes to shove and frankly when we have reached our fill of peoples B.S. we tend to drop that open minded attitude and the first thing that is a consequence to that is being wrongfully judgmental of someone..

I don't doubt that in my ignorance a few wonderful opportunities have been overlooked.. I only hope that with the few risks I take on men one will pay off though it hasn't yet.. LOL

One thing I can say about dealing with other people ignorance when they over look you for whatever reason they do I can say this.. Don’t change who you are for a minute.. Never do that.. And if ladies over look you or are ignorant and judgmental of you I would look at that as a service your own personal filter button so you don’t have to deal the weak minded twits who failed to see what you have to offer…Perhaps that filter will be your saving grace for when the right girl comes knocking because she likes what she see’s and she likes what you stand for.. Even though your frustrated.. Stay optimistic..


The Redhead.
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
life after divorce?
Posted: 4/17/2009 9:52:38 PM
Hey there Tim,


I offer little more than sympathy friend.. Not a fun spot to be in, all honesty the demise of my marriage was the hardest thing I had ever faced in my young life when I faced it I was 28. I have dealt with death with close family and still divorcing my husband was the hardest thing I faced..

The few things I can offer in wisdom about what your facing and what is ahead of you.. Is hold your close friends tight and don't be to proud to let them know your hurting as it will only aid them to work better in your life. .My friends and Family is what saw me out of that storm only minimally scathed.

I would really allow yourself time to run threw grief the break of your marriage is a loss and you should allow yourself the time to grieve it.. Plus it will give yourself time to work threw your own hurts and thinking about what you want to bring to a relationship.. I made it an un-breakable rule that before I started dating to get myself to a point that I wanted a man in my life verses the dreaded NEEDED one.. I wanted to be sure I could find happiness without someone else being the cause of it.

I know some men have a harder time with finding a good support structure than women. If your one of those men who don't have many friends and are worried if they will relate I will suggest search out a divorce recovery group.. DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH ANYONE FROM IT.. Stick by the rule of friends and nothing more.. I found the Divorce Recovery groups from churches are helpful and normally free or cheap..


I will tell you like I would any other person I come in contact with who is weathering divorce.. You will survive this... You ARE strong enough and if your smart enough you will come out this a different and better person as only a fool would let their past failures be the blueprints for their future.

I looked up some groups that are suppose to be within 50 mile of you..

Good luck to you Tim,

The Redhead..





Cornerstone Friends Church
Tuesday group meets - 6:30 PM
2300 Hubbard Rd.
Madison, OH US 440-428-6868
10 miles

Cuyahoga Valley Church
Thursday group meets - 7:00 PM
5055 East Wallings Rd
Broadview Heights, OH US 440-746-0404
35 miles
30 miles

Church On the Rise
Monday group meets - 7:00 PM
3550 Crocker Rd
Westlake, OH US 440-808-0200
39 miles

Brunswick Reformed Church
Wednesday group meets - 6:00 PM
3535 Grafton Rd.
Brunswick, OH US 330-225-5475
44 miles
40 miles

Providence Church
Thursday group meets - 6:30 PM
35295 Detroit Rd.
Avon, OH US 440-937-5001
44 miles

Christ Church
Tuesday group meets - 7:00 PM
23080 Royalton Rd.
Columbia Station, OH US 440-236-8282
45 miles
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Direct or Indirect
Posted: 4/12/2009 2:46:44 PM
((It's similar to dating on a job....))


I agree with WomanInProgress on this statement..


The Redhead
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Direct or Indirect
Posted: 4/11/2009 1:51:04 PM
Hey there One of the Few and Proud,

Well I have a suggestion seeing as the Gym is sort of your comfort zone and you don’t want you second home tarnished with the stain of failure in securing the affections of the above mentioned hot girl. I would strongly suggest that you hold back the directness and work your charm in a more neutral way..

Nothing wrong with introductions as people do them all the time in a non-romantic atmosphere and they are truly a great way to get the ball rolling for dates and such..

My suggestions for staying like France and keeping neutral I gave a guy friend this suggestion when he was trying to get himself the cute Starbucks girl it seemed to work well for him..

To keep the conversation neutral do not say anything to her that you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying to one of your guys..

Neutral: Aye nice day.. Huh..
RED FLAG: Gosh you have pretty eyes..
Neutral: You come here a lot.. You want to shoot some hoops?
RED FLAG: I’ve noticed you here.. Love watching you doing anything at the leg press.

Talk to her like you would a friend find out what sort of person she is before you risk your membership and second home.. Make the place a comfy and FRIEND-ly place for her as well..

The Redhead..

 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
I'm gonna express some free speech
Posted: 4/4/2009 5:21:53 PM
Hey there,

I'm sorry that your running into such a hard time with attracting what your looking for.. First I would say that you must be patient finding a girl friend takes lots and lots of time.. Also even though you must be completely deflated as that is what a post like this seems to suggest I would strongly urge you to be optimistic a positive mind is always a lot more attractive than a negative mind.. A post like the one you gave just seems like a lot of ranting.. Desperation is never a turn on..

Better luck with a different bait,

The Redhead.

p.s.

Just cause he works at McDonalds doesn’t mean he flips burgers I have a friend who is in accounting for their corporate offices plus it is an honest living nothing wrong with that.. Would rather have a man who makes a little living honestly than a man who makes a killing selling drugs.

Some of use are not shallow gold diggers who are looking for a paycheck..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Is it good to be a little bit of a jerk in a joking manner?
Posted: 4/4/2009 4:25:45 PM
Hey there Treezy,


Well I'm going to give you a suggestion along with a reason .

I would hold off on the candid humor. It sounds like the teller is just an aquaintence and there for doesn't have the bond that you and your closest and dearest friends have.

She doesn’t know you well enough to know when your joking or to get your special sense of humor.

If your really interested in this teller I would go about making the best impressions that you could possibly make.. Granted you can't really show what a terrific man you are by stopping a bank robbery however you can make the most of the short time you come in contact with her...

I.E.
Be very polite and charming take the time to compliment her on the things that attracted you to her in the first place. Always wish her a good day and end by making a comment that shows that you care about her..

"Stay warm it is cold day out there.. " (if it is bad weather)
"Hope they let you out to enjoy the day.. It is pretty out there.. " (if it is a nice day)

I don't know about all girls but I know quite a few and I think we want to hold a man's respect and honor we want to be treated like ladies most especially at our place of employment.

Guess all that to say.. Man I would avoid all comments that include the term JERKFACE when in pursuit of a woman.. LOL

Find better bait bud.. And better luck on the fishing expedition,
The Redhead.
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
I like women with muscular calves, is that weird?
Posted: 3/30/2009 5:48:09 PM
((Some men are leg men, some of us find muscular calves in high heels to be very attractive and dare I say sexy.
and I have heard from friends that THAT is odd. Is it weird? ))

Hey there Vince,

I don’t think that being attracted to muscular calves should alarm anyone.. Men tend to be attracted by things that are visual.. I.E.

Long hair
Petite frame
Large boobs
Long legs


I even had a friend who was attracted to ladies with small feet.. Never once considered him weird just sporting a size 8 shoe it was never meant to be.. LOL

So in short Vince I wouldn’t find your fascination any less strange than my lusting over guys with a sharp wit an great sense of humor..


The Redhead
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Name Calling...
Posted: 3/23/2009 1:00:23 PM
((In my family, it's like genetic. We get names wrong all the time. My own parents go through the whole list of cousins before they actually call me by my name.))

Can so relate.. I went there most of my childhood thinking it was normal for children to be addressed as "YOU KNOW YOUR NAME! GET OVER HERE"

lol

The Redhead
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Name Calling...
Posted: 3/23/2009 12:42:06 PM
((If your significant other, that you are in a committed relationship with of about 2 months, calls out someone else's name while you are having sex....What would you do? Is this grounds for breaking up?))


Well Sweetie,


It would strongly way on the offenders re-action. Were that person embarrassed or very remorseful about something other than the sex probably ended quickly at that point.. Apologies aren’t worth much if the person isn’t truly repentant of the hurt they have caused..

Though if that person was truly embarrassed and very apologetic of their rather fowl slip of the tongue it could be forgiven without the need of buying things, as a card or flowers won’t heal the wounds as much as the knowledge that person knew it hurt and that it won’t happen again. Guy’s egos are very soft things that can be easily hurt.

Good luck on making amends,

The Redhead
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 55 (view)
 
A girl matter.. Way beyond spilled milkshake..
Posted: 3/22/2009 2:45:40 PM
Hey all,


Thank you all for your idea’s and opinions. I sure got a lot of them honestly I didn’t think for a moment that I would get response that I did..

I figure I would give you an update on the situation even though the up-date is a small one..

Up-date is I spoke to the other group and I pleaded with them not to judge me when I’m just trying to keep us pulled together. I told them that regardless if it was any them in Kate’s shoes I would do the exact same thing and re-main loyal as it is the same luxury they all have given to me when I have fallen short of what they deserved..

After a long talk the others understand where I’m coming from so least they may not agree with my choice to re-mains friends with Kate they will at least respect the choice and are willing to be friends with me.. But they have no interest in contact with Kate until she stops this relationship..

I figured that since Kate was the one who openly came out that she was dating this married man that I should be allowed to talk to her about it.

A few details I left out of my prior post so people hopefully won’t need to jump to so many assumptions. Though I don’t’ meant to be I’m a very vague person when it comes to writing so I will probably leave out more details which will have some of you still jumping to your own assumptions on Kate, The married man and Me and for some of you Even my cat..

The married man..

There are three of us in the group who know this man as he works along side of us.

I know he is married and has two kids. I have spoken to his wife a few times but other than just an outside acquaintance I really don’t know him or her or details about their marriage other than they are in fact married and regardless if their marriage was on the rocks or not married is married in my court I wouldn’t want my friend to get involved with him..

What I know of the affair.

I asked Kate when they started this relationship and she confided that it started in November which was a lot earlier than when I originally thought it started as I just found out about it a week ago. It apparently branched out to this relationship from a friendship they formed.

When she started talking about their relationship it made me really un-comfortable and well angry. It sounds like a very superficial relationship that is basically built on convenience and sex as that seems to be all there is to it.. He calls her she makes herself available. I didn’t think my friend suffers from low self-esteem before but as this is the sort of relationship she desires in someone I can’t help but question why she doesn’t think she is deserving of better than that..

My friend..

First Kate isn’t the devil.. Kate is well just Kate.
She is a recent divorcee as in the ink was dried six months ago.
This is the first relationship she has had since she divorced.
She is one of the most generally kind people I have ever met.
She is also one that is prone to act impulsively.
Kate was the one who packed up me and my child and moved us in with her without blinking an eye when my husband said that he didn’t have any intention of stopping his affair.
She is my friend regardless if what she doing makes me sick.

Regardless if you agree with me or not, I will re-main loyal to her and be her friend that does NOT mean I will make any effort in supporting her relationship with this man.. I’m presently looking for a transfer in my job so I won’t have to work along side of him.

I know a lot of you will rip me to shreds on my choice but it is just that my choice..

Please try to be gentle in your replies as it took a lot of guts for me to even post this.. Some of you ladies scare the heck out of me..
The Redhead.
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
A girl matter.. Way beyond spilled milkshake..
Posted: 3/20/2009 1:04:39 PM
I don’t know if there are many other out there who have really close girl-friendships. I have a close net of girlfriends that could rival that of girls on Sex in the City.. Meaning we have known each other for ages and seen each other some thunderous storms in our perspective lives.

My girl friends were the ones that saw me threw the humiliating affair of a husband and the demise of that marriage they are some of the most awe inspiring strong women one could ever have meet much less be lucky enough to call them friends.

Recently there has been a division amongst the our mighty bond, and it came to be when one of my circle of friends had began an affair with a married man.. I would have never believed it was possible for something to rip our friendship apart as quickly as this has done, it has truly divided us to the point that all of the group has ostracized this individual barring me…

Which I find sort of strange as I would have thought that if there would be anyone who would have had problem with that subject it would be me seeing as I have been a causality of it.. However I am the sort of person who can very easily hate what someone does and still find it in my heart to love that person and I find that being loyal to a friendship is the only thing that will save it..

However My question is..


Is there hope for my circle of friends to survive this as I have never seen tempers so flared to the point where lines of communication are down and also if there is a way to remain neutral between the lines even though it seems that my involvement with the one friend has offended the other three..

I guess I’m looking for hope in a very bleak situation and hoping some other girl out there will have an answer I have over looked somehow…

The Redhead..
And people who are voting to delete my topic this is a relationship question.. Just not a romantic one.. There are other sort of relationships out there in life..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
What is up with the Read Deleted?
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:42:45 PM
Dear Deleted one,

I would love to be able to tell you that it don't happen that there girls on this site are just wonderful women who have the back bone to write you back and tell you that they are just not interested but I think you would know that is a big pile of B.S.

However on the bright side I can assure you that your not the only one who has been snubbed with the read/Deleted thing.. I can guarantee everyone has had the exact same rude thing happen to them.

I’m big on advice as that is what I think people write topics in this form for is for advice.

I guess I would first tell you feel confident in yourself and try not to get wind sucked from your sails just because some ladies out there can’t formulate enough independent thought to write a nice e-mail to properly let you down softly.. Keep in mind that they too have been Read and Deleted and were pretty much miffed by it too.

I would also tell you to think of it in a positive light.. “perhaps that woman was a Gold digging snore-fest who wasn’t worth your time anyway and her lack of interest should only spur you to move on and focus on the replies of those who are obviously interested in you..”

I tend to think of my read deleted/ as pre-selection as I know for a fact I would never respect a man who doesn’t have the spine to even write a decent rejection note..

Hang in there Man it happens to the best of us,
The Redhead
P.S.
And words of wisdom for dealing with all the annoying spammers who just write in nonsense negative crap into your topic.. Ignore them.. You wouldn’t have asked the question if it wasn’t important to you.. You shouldn’t have to justify your question… If they don’t offer constructive advice or suggestions that would help you. Then they are not really worth responding too.. Best to give them the mental middle finger and move on to those who offer advice.


 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
a new relationship with an ex?
Posted: 3/11/2009 6:21:22 PM
Hey there Rugby,

First of all I would like to express that I don’t know what your profile picture has to do with your question for this topic.. I figure if you wanted opinions on your pic you would have not bothered with asking an honest question.

Some ladies need to get a grip and stop being so catty.. Honestly if it is offensive to you don’t look..


First of all about the re-kindling the ambers with the ex I would ask you to seriously consider what you would be getting into before you go down that road considering there are other needs at stake besides yours and her’s as you have children to think about..

A lot of people will jump back into that relationship without realizing that making it work the second time around is a lot harder than it was prior. You will have to over come all the things that tore you apart the first time around and frankly priority differences isn’t exactly a small thing to over come.. As priorities come with age and maturity and frankly some people are just un-willing to change to suit your wants and a long term relationship is difficult enough when your equally yoked and it will fail when your not..

If your recently divorced I would seriously warn you about jumping back into a very volatile situation as you and your ex need both time and space to breath and get past your own personal hurts and get to a point where you know you can be content and happy surviving on your own without needing someone there to catch you when you fall.. Think this is very important for women as we often fall for our hero’s who prevent us from standing on our own two feet sadly just as we fall for them when we find ourselves in a relationship with them it is really easy to hold that against them…

Well now that I have warned you about jumping in to your recently abandoned pool.. I will give you the 411 on flirting..

You asked if her hanging around late into the night is a sign if she is experiencing feelings for you..

Well the answer is .. It depends..

How direct is she normally? Was she the type to make the first move, was she the type to flirt very physically finding a reason to touch you or hold your glance?

If she was the more aggressive type than I wouldn’t consider her hanging around longer than normal as a flirt she could just be curious on how your doing or something equally innocent..

However if she was more the cautious type who let you make the first move and only gave subtle reaction as indication of her interest than I would say yes.. Something so subtle would be considered a flirt for someone who is of subtle nature..


~*~ Is your ex making contact with you, are they seeking you out?


~*~ Is She is showing increasing interest in your life and initiates more communication with you than before.

~*~ She doesn't talk about other guys around you or show much interest in other guys at all.

~*~ She does things almost as if to impress you. Could be improving her appearance, her interest in certain activities or others things that she knows you would like.

~*~ She suggests you do more things together (she might be too shy to ask directly).

~*~ She feels comfortable sharing more and more of herself around you.



Well Not sure if this helps in your query but it is here for you.

Best of Luck to you,

The Redhead.

 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Chivalry vs. Feminism
Posted: 1/16/2009 8:34:11 AM
I must have missed something. Men still hold open doors for me. Most seats at restaurants are booths these days so pulling it out is not necessary. And all the men I have gone out with, except for maybe two, have always paid for the date. i may have offered but they always say no they'll take care of it.

Did you see the news yesterday....several survivors of that plane going down said it was ''women and children first''.

so chivalry is not dead.


I completely agree I'm capable of handling my own tab and doors but never need to as Chivalry isn't dead nor should it ever die. As it is good to see a few men exist with some good up bringing and manners outside of the one I'm raising..

It is a sad world we live in when men show manners and we fine it impressive because there are too many men out there who forgot how to act like a gentleman.
I completely agree I'm capable of handling my own tab and doors but never need to as Chivalry isn't dead nor should it ever die. As it is good to see a few men exist with some up bringing and manners outside of the one I'm raising..

I looked up the definition of Chivalry..

qualities of ideal knight: the combination of qualities expected of the ideal medieval knight, especially courage, honor, loyalty, and consideration for others, especially women.

Granted we don’t have Knights traipsing around but I think we have the equivalent of that and those are the rare and few Great Men and they too have those qualities of a medieval knight in shining armor.. They are brave, loyal, honoring and courageous and considerate they are the epitome of what I believe what men are to be. They are noble..

I don’t think Chivalry has died I think sadly our standards we set for ourselves have lowered to the point where not every man is a Great Man and it has become acceptable.. However what is acceptable should never be what people reach for as a goal.. I know it isn’t for me.. I don’t want to be just average or acceptable I want to go above and beyond.
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Why all the negative stuff in the replies?
Posted: 1/2/2009 4:54:44 PM


There's no such thing as a stupid question is just something teachers tell you so won't feel stupid asking stupid questions lol....



LOL, I personally just found that funny as heck... But that is not why I tell the kido's that..But might have to start so they will stop asking so many questions....
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Why all the negative stuff in the replies?
Posted: 1/2/2009 4:46:42 PM
To answer your question on why are there negative responses to Topics..

This is a huge forum and it has got the good the bad and the negative.. Negative people tend to produce negative thoughts and often think that their negativity is worth sharing with the world so they will hit that send key to publicly share their swill..

My suggestion on this.. Take every thing you read in here with a grain of salt.. Just cause some frustrated and bitter person calls you a moron doesn't make it true.

Just get a good giggle and think Wow what a festering bubble of joy you must be in person and let it go at that. A lot of times these people will hang around to see if you reply something snotty back so they can have some reason to have a virtual hissing match. Best to ignore it and move on to those who actual give some sort of helpful advice..

With her personal grain of salt,
The Redhead
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
More toilsome than spinning forty plates
Posted: 12/29/2008 3:16:54 PM
Is juggling I.M. windows more dangerous than Juggling chainsaws? Or it is just I’m not at all talented at the whole juggling conversation bit.. My question is: Is it all rude to let someone who has never peeked an interest in you before know that your indeed chatting with another person and you will love to talk to them when you have the ability to focus a conversation on them.. If not would someone be kind enough to tell me how to go about doing this diplomatically without making the other person think your overly popular and not interested and more than likely not worthy of their time..

The Redhead..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Guys that look like me...
Posted: 12/28/2008 4:56:14 PM
Mr. Misunderstood,

I took a peek at your profile.. I don't know what to tell you other than your profile doesn't scream "Hi, I will break your little pea picking heart and possibly use your friends as a personal buffet bar for my selfish desires.."

My only thinking is there are a lot of people who just sort of judge a book by a cover... And if they are so ignorant as to judge you by your pictures than your more than likely better off without them.. After all it says on your profile that your not looking for an intimate encounter and you don’t want to be bothered by those who have sought one..

Looked at your past logs on your forums and say you can indeed formulate a complete thought and even form it together in a full sentience which means your educated and capable of rational thought.. Hardly a shark in angelfish waters..

I noticed that someone suggested that you take a picture with you smiling and would agree that a nice smile is often catchy but I would also say be true to yourself.. If your not one for flashing those pearly whites then don’t do it and just wait out the journey till you find a girl who can accept that tuff men can also have a soft side even though it isn’t flashed across their profile..

IS your type Doomed? HARDLY.. just hang in there ..

Best to be yourself even if your not a smiler,
The Redhead
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Ding! Ding! Ding! I have the winner!
Posted: 12/28/2008 4:40:13 PM
Steve, (assuming on the name because of the S/N)

Sorry about the passing of your mom.. Seriously I couldn’t think of worse timing to deal with grieving of a parent. As for Tracy well don't know if I can say anything worse about her than what you haven't already depicted as nothing can be more nauseating than a weak woman who really has no spine. I’m sorry she put you threw that, but thinks a better person will walk threw the door she walked out of.

Wishing you a more successful New Year..
The Redhead.
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Over after 3 months: Why?
Posted: 12/26/2008 4:12:58 PM

Do girls online freak out talking about sex?


Depending on the girl.. Some girls don't really mind if you yammer on as if you had the chance to experience it.

But Some girls are like Gosh just Messaged the bugger and already he is trying to get into my Knickers.

Honestly it really depends on the girl.. I'm one who doesn't like chatting about sex un-less I'm wanting to have said sex with you. Then I figure it is a good Idea to clue you into my whole seduction process as nothing is more embarrassing than a clueless guy who is going Wow.. Though you just wanted to have dinner not me as dessert as well. Then you have to worry about chasing him around the house. NEVER A GOOD THING.. But I tend to hold off the whole seduction process till well a lot longer than the first date or the first I.M. During those precious moments I'm trying to get into the more important things of your personality.. I.E. If I have ever seen you on America’s most wanted or if you do indeed have any past dates in your freezer.. If you start off the First I.M. conversation asking what my bra size is I will normally toss you into the Sleaze Bin..

The Redhead
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I must have pissed God off in a previous life.....
Posted: 12/25/2008 12:53:33 PM
I was also all alone on the eve.. However it didn't hit me too hard.. I tended to look at things differently.. Rose colored glasses are wonderful for that, I personally think that when I have time alone it is cause simply a gift to be truly selfish something that is really precious in my life quality alone time.. Rarely have that so even if it falls on Christmas Eve when it falls into my lap I take it as a gift.. Do things I dont' normally get to do.. Light my candles, put on my Christmas music, light up the tree snuggle up on the couch with my fuzzy sock and read a good book..

Truly times like that are gifts from God as my life is so devoted to others normally I think he knew I needed time for myself just to sit and rest and relax and really just enjoy what I have and what is given to me allow me to see what it means to have a happy content heart.

Perception is key.. One persons port-ta-potty is another persons Shangri la
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Ladies...is the Civil War boring to you?
Posted: 12/25/2008 11:27:43 AM
Well I love the history channel.. Love anything History related and wars that were fought on our soil always interest me.. Also coming from an educational feild it is all about how you present your interest. Anything can be interesting if the person who is presenting makes it interesting..

I think you will find lots of people who will share your interest. You just have to be patient in your search.

It is a big pond your fishing in. Get comfy and relax and enjoy the pond while the search for your civil history buff..

The Redhead..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Avoiding flammable pants.. Perhaps it would be easier just to lie..
Posted: 12/23/2008 10:45:57 PM
Great way of putting it.. To clarify..

It's about juggling a clan of competing prospects..

Thanks Wack for the great use of words..
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Avoiding flammable pants.. Perhaps it would be easier just to lie..
Posted: 12/23/2008 9:56:24 PM
Anyone else gone threw this after they have been on the site for a while they make lots of friends whom you occasionally go out with.. I call this the very essence of dating.. I.E. Going out with a person of opposite sex to see if there is something there.. It normally takes me a bit of time to really feel a person out see if they have the attributes that I’m looking for in a relationship. I don’t think I’m confident to make this decision on just one date so I’m polite enough to keep the lines of communication going..

Sure enough I’m on and will get the lovely I.M. box open and I have a friend who is wanting to chat so we talk and they ask what I’m doing and I tell them I’m calling up sitters. They ask the un-avoidable question.. Are you going out on a date?

Okay I will freely admit I’m a horrid liar even when it comes to stupid yes or no stuff so I tend to stick with honest answers and will admit it is a date.. They will un-avoidably ask have you gone out with this person before.. I will once again tell the truth.. Regardless if it is a yes or no answer I seem to step on toes..

Should I just learn to lie like a rug and pray that my jeans don’t spontaneously combust or stick to honestly?

Strange as I was always taught that honesty is always the best policy but on this front it is causing me some trouble..

The Red Head…
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
broken train moving down its destined track
Posted: 12/22/2008 2:35:45 PM
Dear Train Wreck,

Sweetie first and foremost I have to tell you there is hope.. Though as someone who is concerned about you as a friend I will give you the same advice my friends gave me when I have went threw a break up with someone who was emotionally abusive.

First I would tell you to stop surfing to the net looking for Miss Right. As right now in your state you wouldn't have what is needed to tend to her if you did find her. I would ask you to take care of yourself. Give yourself time to mourn the loss of that relationship as time and space gives you a chance to heal emotionally. Rebuilding your life isn't very easy and it sounds like even you see that your in need of rebuilding your life when you see the crash is ahead of you the best thing to do is put on the breaks and start looking for a different track, this takes time..

But when your emotionally not in a safe spot the chances of you meeting someone who is good is not really high. I would first go and look to build a strong support structure and that means good friends.. Not exactly the kind you date.. I have good family and good friends from church who were literally my life line and my source for optimism in some very dark times. I would also suggest you join a recovery group for divorcee's as often times those have the NO DATING in the circle rule and therefore your concerned more about healing more than finding your crutch.. Most recovery groups can be googled and they are a wonderful therapy and source for friends.

Good luck on friend search..
Get a new track as it looks like yours isn't working anymore
Get to a spot were your content with yourself
Rebuild your life so you can feel good about the chance for a relationship and you know your ready..
Then begin your search..

The red head.
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Sex with an ex, is it Ok?
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:13:46 PM
Hey there Fellow Ex,


I'm wanting to drop you a line of advice just like any other advice it is really just out there as something to think about..

Being an ex-wife I have been on both sides of this topic early when the separation was new I was really wanting to keep the sexual side of it going strong even though there was no hope of a reconciliation.. I'm very thankful that he really did not want take advantage of a weaken emotional state it is one of the few things that I have manage to respect him for..

Later as time healed my wounds and I slowly molded into something he found appealing I found that regardless the of who wants it. It is clearly a boundary that shouldn't be crossed..

I also took a peek at your profile so I can get some sort of feel who you are other than that one question and I saw that you have kids.. Kids are even more of an incentive to stick to your guns when it comes to boundaries, It is so easy for adults to do something carelessly and not think about what it might look like to a child.. And if the EX is also the mother of your children and there is no hope of reconciliation I would keep your boundaries firm and not " Shoplift the Pootie from a single mom" <---- Jerry McGuire Quote..

I guess all that to say.. Man there is lots of free sex out there without the issues of it coming from an ex I would just avoid it all costs….

The Redhead…
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
My place or yours? -translation- My bed or yours?
Posted: 12/13/2008 1:19:19 PM
I would love to say.. NOPE straight guys don't care about decore of a house but you lovely men are surprising me everyday.. I wouldn't bet my sister on it these days..

LOL
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
My place or yours? -translation- My bed or yours?
Posted: 12/13/2008 1:17:20 PM
-hugs- I love Heart's witty insight.. Personally thinks she needs her own advice log. She would put Dear Abby to shame.. "
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
My place or yours? -translation- My bed or yours?
Posted: 12/13/2008 1:15:23 PM
But just one load of laundry folded on the bed isn't a red flag right.. Just shows wow she was in hurry to meet me.. Right?

-crosses fingers and hopes for the best-
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
My place or yours? -translation- My bed or yours?
Posted: 12/13/2008 1:03:59 PM
Okay I'm putting this out there for just some male insight and the occasional female insight as we are soo good at putting forth our opinions too.

This seems to be a reoccurring topic with chat friends and the future dates of mine.

Why on earth are men so interested in coming to my home as a first date idea? I have reassured them countless times that my home is just like any other single females home and I don't have a beer tap springing from my wall my bed is covered with the same things their mothers and sisters bed is covered with and occasionally it is covered with laundry which isn't visually appealing but still they are ever so curious..

Is it as I think to get me in bed or are they just that wanting to see my place?

Like always what ever reply is appreciated..

Kerry
 00redheadsaid00
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Saving face.. Wrong humor, wrong time.. Didn’t know it was possible to suck that much at dating
Posted: 12/4/2008 11:26:50 AM
Okay this happened last Saturday.. Went to Dave and Buster‘s yet another first date.. Really need to stop doing that as the First date as the lovely and adorable staff at Dave and Busters seem to know me by name and that I tip well and even more embarrassing they normally know what I‘m there for..-had them ask if I wanted my usual table-

Date asked if I had been there a lot… I said “Can you tell?” I got the feeling that he really wasn’t all that wowed with me as he wasn’t trying for communication or really hold a conversation and I was trying to stick with his interests..

I offered a playful wink got a roll of eyes wanted to crawl under table and just die but I guess the tortured optimist in me said..” don’t you can pull this one out of the crapper”

I was beating his bum at Dance revolution because I’m at the very least coordinated to avoid stumbling and tackling him. He was beginning to warm up and then the sad happened… I beat him.. Horridly.. He sort of sulked and then I noticed he was looking at other girls..

Plainly obviously about it too.. He eyed this younger girl who was with her mother and that sort of crept me out. Then I asked which game he wanted to play next He pointed one out.. I followed and then a beautiful girl walked by..

Yes she was stunningly beautiful the sort that makes every other just cute girls take a blow to their self esteem at just being forced to share their company..

He pointed her out and said.. “ That’s the kind of girl I want..”

Was I offended truthfully a bit.. If I’m in the presence of a date I tend to treat them with enough respect not to gawk at other guys. Regardless if I’m interested in my date or not..I don’t care if I’m strutting around with Quasimodo, I will treat him in a way that I want to be treated as that is the way I was raised..

Perhaps that offense pulled my less than admirable reply.. I looked at said beautiful girl “ said honey everyone wants that.. If I swung that way.. I would want it too. Though I’m prettier than you.. I think I stand a better chance.. Want to see?” Of course I was joking though he didn’t think it was at all funny and stalked away and I had to play House of the Dead alone for a bit..

My question is do I owe him an apology or should I as I believe just call it a wash?


As again mentioned.. What ever replies are appreciated

Kerry
 
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